Sex work is one of the oldest professions in history. Prostitution (an outdated term) has been seen in text dating as far back as 2400 B.C.
With that in mind, sex work is still highly criminalized, having divided early feminists in a way that remains today. The stigma around sex work causes a great deal of strife for the worker, and it certainly doesn't help when dating.
At the same time, OnlyFans has been on the rise since the start of the pandemic. So, there are probably more sex workers in the dating pool than we think.
We went to AskReddit to see what men are thinking when it comes to dating someone in this line of business.
Redditor BambiKittens666 asked:
"Men: would you ever date a woman who was a sex worker? (Prostitute, stripper, online adult entertainer, etc).. why or why not?"
The anonymity of Reddit definitely helps with user honesty.
Just wasn't his scene.
"I dated a stripper for a little bit. Early in the relationship, everything was actually great. I wasn’t much of a party or strip club guy but I never thought anything was wrong with it, if that makes sense."
"The closer we got, it just didn’t work out. She wanted me to visit her at work quite a bit, and hang with her work friends. Just wasn’t my scene."
"That's pretty interesting dude. It sounds like she might really liked you and was happy that she had found someone that accepted her for being her. She wanted to show you off. Just my assumption."
She would be furious.
"My wife would be furious."
"Yeah it’s a no from me too, this guy’s wife would be furious."
"Happened to quite a few of us. This guy's wife was furious every single time."
A sad story of addiction.
"Dated a stripper for around a year. It was a great relationship. I was supportive of her job and encouraged her to pursue other things she showed interest in."
"She was confident and independent. Something I'd not had previously to that relationship. Our conversation was great, our banter was amazing."
"Many people saw us and thought we had been together a long time. They always said they could feel our chemistry."
"Some of my fondest most cherished memories come with her. At the time I didn't know bc she hid it from me."
"A few of the fellow dancers turned her onto some hard drugs and it greatly affected our relationship. And caused us to breakup."
"Last I saw her she was an intravenous meth user. That shit hurt me more than anything I've experienced. She shot up in the passenger seat of my car was how I found out."
"After letting her sleep at my place and shower. She left. I've cried for myself, I've cried because of others. That's the only time I've cried for someone else."
"That was a beautiful relationship and a beautiful human who's been utterly destroyed by drugs. It changed my entire view on addiction. A real sobering experience."
"I tried to help by providing a safe space for her to be. To rest and shower. Got her some food and gas."
"Paid her phone bill twice. Drove her to court a few times. But always encouraging her that she needed help. She refused/didn't want to help herself."
"While taking her to pick up some belongings from her mom's house one time I had to call an ambulance. She was having some sort of psychosis. claiming she saw things and they spoke to her. While in the ER she lied to the doctors. That was one of the longest days of my life."
"I've had to distance myself from her because while I provided help she refused to help herself and I felt I was being used after a while. I want her to get better and clean more than anything."
"I remember the time we had fondly. I look up her name every few months to make sure she's hasn't passed away."
They were unapologetic and kind.
"I’ve dated two sex workers, one was a BDSM-type, and she was/is a lovely and confident person."
"I think on the third-or-so date, after her insisting on paying for everything, I deduced that she might earn a little more money than the average ‘car insurance salesperson’ that she introduced herself as."
"I asked calmly over breakfast if she had other incomes, and she was very honest, open, unapologetic, and I appreciated that so much. We discussed whether she wanted to talk about work, and she clearly stated that sometimes she would like to talk about it, and sometimes not."
"We got on really well for 2-3 months, then things faded for us, but I have nothing but fond memories. She taught me how to cook authentic Italian meatballs."
"The other one was an absolutely beautiful human who made me feel attractive and wanted after I’d just come out of an awful relationship. When I met her, she’d already made plans to move overseas, and she followed those plans. We still stay in regular contact to this day."
"I’m now in a long-term relationship, and have children and a new life, but I look back on those two people with nothing but respect and happiness, as it’s how they treated me."
"I think if you’re honest with yourself first and foremost about what you can handle, and also honest with the other person, it can work and be such a positive thing. But you have to work just as hard as you do with any relationship."
It'd be tough to talk about work.
"No. Because I'll be dammed if she comes home and tells me she had a good day at work."
"Or she tells you it was a hard day at work."
"Or that it was a long day."
Open but it's uncharted territory.
"I'm open to the idea, but not entirely sure I could handle it."
"Similarly, I'm in no way philosophically opposed but I'm 100% sure I couldn't handle it."
"Same here. Girls you do what makes you happy, there's no judgement here and I'm not against sex workers or anything, I just know full well I wouldn't be able to handle that setup myself. I don't like the idea of others seeing my partner naked, nor me if I'm with someone, just the way it goes."
A fear that something would go wrong.
"No can’t do it. I’m too insecure to do something like that. I’m not even afraid to admit it, my mind would go nuts on all the things that could go wrong. A lot of my fear would also stem from someone feeling entitled and harming them because of their profession."
"That's not insecurity. That's a cost/risk analysis. Stay true to your moral code."
Wanting monogamy is a valid reason.
"What up with people calling guys that say no insecure? Or people who just don't know?"
"There is nothing wrong with sex work or dating a sex worker, but if someone doesn't feel comfortable with dating one, why are they insecure?"
"If that person wants sex to be something special between them and their partner, it's their choice to make and doesn't mean they are insecure. The opposite is true, they just know what they want."
"'Not wanting people to have sex with your girlfriend makes you insecure.'"
"Some people here feel the need to justify their 'no' by getting all deep in there feelings and talking about 'insecurities.' My answer is no, because I think it's gross."
"I don't want to have sex with someone that's having sex with other people. Especially a lot of them."
"If you're the type of person that thinks I'm a 'misogynist' for not wanting other people to have sex with my partner, then you're the exact type of person who's opinion I don't care about lol."
A Normal Job
"Currently I am dating a girl who is a webcam model."
"I love her very much and I am very happy. I accept it and it doesn't really impact our relationship. I see it as a normal job."
"I even help her with videos."
"I don't see anything wrong."
Would And Do
"I would and do."
"I help her out with her OnlyFans and she just got a job at a strip club. It doesn’t Phase me personally, I enjoy showing her off."
"As long as there is Transparency and Communication then it’s just like any other job."
"No. I would not."
"I read about a guy who was dating a porn star. He thought it was great at first, but when he got home from work, and wanted to have sex, she could not."
"Her 'parts' were too sore from work to have sex with him."
"Having dated one or two in my lifetime, I can say, unreservedly, that I absolutely would."
"I don't think most people (men) understand (or care) that sex workers are real people just like they are. And honestly, I've always believed that those who would say no are just not very self confident."
"Burlesque performer here."
"It’s completely ok if you aren’t comfortable with dating someone who works in adult entertainment/sex work/etc. But PLEASE be honest about that with both yourself and your prospective partner before getting into a serious relationship."
"I know far too many burlesque performers/strippers/pro dommes with partners who are ‘ok with it’, but turn around and make passive aggressive comments, or use it as fodder in arguments."
"My favorite ex was stripping for the first 1/3 of our relationship. She had a lot of extra cash she would sometimes spend on me and hot outfits that she would wear in the bedroom."
"I could’ve handled my own jealousy better, but she eventually left stripping for her own reasons. I would totally do it again (date another sex worker…or her lol)!!!"
"I have no problem with women (or anyone, for that matter) doing sex work, but part of my values in a partner is keeping certain things intimate, between people in a committed relationship."
"If she strips or has sex for money, good for her, but that's a deal-breaker for me regarding serious relationships."
Distinguishing Between The Two
"Yes, and I have, more than once."
"I wouldn't specifically seek a girl out just because she's a sex worker but it doesn't give me pause."
"The biggest benefit is that they don't have the same reservations or associations with sex that the majority of women do. I'm not saying I just want f*ck buddies but I would like the decision to be sexually active and the decision to be in a committed relationship to be two different decisions, and sex workers distinguish between the two."
"Just recently a female friend of mine was expressing frustration that she's not emotionally in a place where she should be having romantic relationships but really wants some physical intimacy, but she's afraid that if she even asks she'll be accused of being a slag."
It's A Plus
"I've been friends with benefits with an escort for a little over 3 years now, she is also one of my closest and most cherished friendships."
"If I was interested in her romantically I would absolutely want to date her."
"I have very weird and specific sexual needs, which have historically been difficult to implement in the context of a relationship. It is almost a requirement for me that any potential partner be"
"a) very open to experimenting with sex and/or"
"b) be comfortable with a relationship where we can each get our needs met outside the relationship."
"In that sense, it is actually a plus when someone has a job that implies they may be one or both of these things."
Everyone is entitled to their own preferences.
Monogamy is not for everyone the same way that polyamory is not for everyone.
As long as we aren't judging those who are in the sex work field, no harm done.
Want to "know" more?
Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again.
- Escorts Reveal The Difference In Behavior Between People ... ›
- Sex Workers Who Fell In Love With A Client Confess What ... ›
- People Confess Which Things They Would Actually Give Up Sex For - George Takei ›
When looking at a resume, it's easy to understand how prospective employers will assume someone is very intelligent based on their education and past experience.
But one shouldn't only assume someone's intelligence based on what they read.
More often than not, one can tell rather quickly that someone possesses above-average intelligence, based on how they speak, how they behave, or other telling details.
Redditor PadWanKenobi was curious to hear what people felt were the tell tale signs they were in the company of a possible genius, leading them to ask:
"What’s a sign of extremely high intelligence?"
"Ability to intuitively and quickly understand complex systems and how lots of parts relate in a coherent whole."
"Like I work with some people who just keep tons of concepts in their head and easily integrate new information into their understanding of those concepts."
"They immediately know what questions they should be asking to better understand."
"And these are things they're currently working on, not like things they spent time studying in school over years."
"They just have a very strong ability to synthesize new information into their understanding."
"I sit in meetings distracted and confused having forgotten what we talked about in the previous meetings, and these folks just consistently have a solid handle on everything."- Ok-Control-787
Innate Problem Solvers
"They know when not to solve a problem."
"This took me a while to understand but the smartest people I know do this."
"It could be a really simple thing like ignoring emails from people asking for help."
"The supervisor or boss might have a quick and easy solution for the situation but instead of just handing it to the person that asked they let them figure it out on their own."
"They know who they can do this with and when to do it."
"If they did that with all of their underlings it would just create a mess."
"Another example that I can think of is planned chaos."
"Some people can predict exactly where things will go wrong and they could fix it before it creates a problem."
"They don't because nobody ever notices what's going on in the background when things are working perfectly."
"Once things fails then everybody notices and if you are the one person that fixed it you become the hero."
"They can also use then chaos to reach a goal they couldn't get before if things were working correctly."
"There's many examples of this in every day life that I didn't see before until I realized what was happening."- atapesGiphy
You know what they say about people with small hands
"If your hand is smaller than your face."- FallofTheKnight
The all knowing glow.
"When someone asks you a question and you push your glasses up while light comes out of it and covers your eyes for some reason."- JonEregor
Those giveaway behavioral quirks
"Wearing glasses and saying things like 'ah yes', and 'I see' while you pensively rub your chin."- iuytrefdgh436yujhe2Thinking Reaction GIF by ABC TV + IVIEWGiphy
"When they explain something they make the people around them feel smarter, not dumber."- redkat85
Being one step ahead.
"The capacity to understand complex things, see patterns where regular people don't."- Ostepop234
"They have this tendency to make you go 'Ohhh, why didn't I think of that?' when listening to them talk."- did_it_forthelulzWhy Didnt I Think Of That Cillian Murphy GIFGiphy
An endless love of learning
"A passion for knowledge and expanding understanding of complex concepts."
"The plumber can be just as insightful as the scholar."- KatatoniK94
Of course, one shouldn't always be fooled by what they see.
As many people are masters at appearing much smarter than they are.
In fact, one important sign of super intelligence is being able to separate those who appear smart, from those who actually are.
With each passing year of a marriage, couples will often discover that while they don't love each other any less than they once did, that spark their relationship used to carry has faded.
This will often lead these couples to look for ways to spice things up a bit.
Among the more popular experiments is inviting a third member to their bedroom.
Enticing as this prospect is, however, it's also easy to be intimidated by the reality of it, or even the mere suggestion of it.
"Men, what advice do you have for men whose wives want to bring a third into the bedroom?"
Make sure you want to do it.
"You need to be completely honest with yourself, ask if this is something you want and could live with."- Dame87
Proceed with caution
"It’s like frolicking in a mine field."
"You both better be SUPER into the idea, you can’t have one person who’s reluctantly agreed to go along with it."
"And established rules."
"A threesome sounds like fun and games until you’re watching your partner make faces and sounds that you only thought were for you in your most intimate moments together, and a burning jealousy comes out of nowhere and breaks your heart."
"I’m not saying it’s automatically a bad idea and I know people do polyamory successfully, but dear god be careful."- coleosis1414
Make sure you're an active participant
"I had an ex that was adamant that she wanted to be a swinger or whatever."
"The one time I decided to roll with it, I hit it off immediately with the other dude's girlfriend and had a blast hanging out with her all night."
"The other dude was a total creep, though."
"Also, my ex could not handle the fact that someone else was giving me the slightest bit of attention."
"So, needless to say, that didn't go anywhere."
"Turns out she didn't want to be a swinger, she just wanted to have sex with other people behind my back, which she had no problems whatsoever with."- Ted_Denslow
Look out for ulterior motives
"Just remember that if you bring this up and your husband is against it, that could be the beginning of the end of your marriage."
"For a lot of people their partner saying 'I am seriously considering having sex with other people and I'm checking with you if it is ok', is a deal breaker."- gamerplays
Consider a test run?
"Go to a bar together separately."
"Watch them flirt/interact with someone else."
"If you get jealous, it's probably a bad idea to bring in a third."
"If it turns you on, go for it."- SinSlayer
Query people with experience.
"It’s something my wife and I have talked about."
"We both agreed that opening the Pandora’s box is not the way we want our relationship to go."
"While it sounds fun, we have seen way to many relationships derailed because of it."- DarthDujo
Consider going whole hog.
"Bring a 4th."- xxemrgmi
Evaluate your relationship first.
"Make sure you and your partner are secure in your own relationship before having another person join."
"Have boundaries, and no secrets."
"From my experience it doesn't usually work out in the end."- Thick-Procedure455
"Don't do it."
"For a long time, my ex harbored a fantasy of watching me have sex with another woman."
"Hey, who knows why any of us are wired the way we are?"
"After contemplating the idea together for a while, we decided to approach one of her more attractive co-workers, who had made a series of flattering comments along the lines of "you're so lucky" and "he's so good-looking'."
"She enthusiastically agreed."
"Our first meet-up was of course awkward, but the second, third and following were pretty good."
"In fact they got progressively hotter, as we all got more comfortable with each other's boundaries, erotic likes and dislikes."
"However, over a few months these occasional kinky weekends transitioned into the co-worker asking more frequently and aggressively to be invited over."
"We tried to explain that we had intended these threesomes to be rare and exotic highlights in our sex life, not regular occurrences, but she didn't take the message to heart and instead became increasingly insistent, bordering on smothering."
"After being turned down one Friday, that night she unexpectedly showed up at our door anyway, carrying a weekend bag and wearing nothing but a raincoat, stay-ups and heels."
"While that was quite a sight, it definitely creeped us out, as it made us finally realize the whole arrangement was descending into 'play Misty for me' territory."
"My ex and I agreed that her unexpected and unwelcome appearance signaled the end of future three-ways, at least until we were able to cool our own selves down, reassess, and perhaps later find a less demanding and insistent third."
"Things subsequently got very sticky at work for my wife, as her co-worker, with whom she had to interact closely, strongly resented being permabanned, and kept demanding to know 'what she'd done that was so awful'."
"Coworker eventually asked to be transferred to another office, but by the time that process was over and done, the discomfort / guilt / pressure / confusion my ex was suffering both at home and at work had begun to take its psychological toll."
"I must confess it didn't help that our own sex life was simultaneously going through a rough patch."
"Long story short, we ended our decade-long relationship less than a year after breaking off the threesomes, chiefly due to trust issues and growing sexual incompatibility, both perhaps triggered by our experimentation."
"Ever since, I've regretted agreeing to that first three-way."
"If I hadn't been so damned eager to take a bite of forbidden fruit, we might have kept our relationship intact."
"But I guess this can also be put down as what sometimes happens when you ignore that old advice, 'don't sh*t where you sleep'."- theartfulcodger
When venturing into the unknown, it's always wise to gain some first hand experience, to hear a variety of pros and cons of what you're possibly getting yourself into.
That way, deciding whether or not it's for you will become increasingly clear.
It's also important to remember, that it is always ok to say "no".
People Share Their Best 'You Either Die The Hero Or Live Long Enough To Become The Villain' Experiences
"You either die the hero or live long enough to become the villain."
Though not necessarily a universal truth, all of us have witnessed unfortunate moments in our lives where we've seen this saying become a reality.
Be it seeing our favorite public figures take a serious fall from grace, someone we know and admire eventually disappointing us in a devastating manner, or even seeing ourselves turn into someone we promised we'd never become.
One Redditor was curious to hear people's examples of this saying coming to light, either from a personal experience or seeing it happen to a well-known, public figure, leading them to ask:
"Who is your example of 'you either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain'?"
"He originally stood up for civil rights when it was really unpopular."
"Was hospitalized and accidentally placed in the black ward."
"When the doctors found out, they tried to move him, but he refused."
"Then he became a cult leader and used his power and influence to end the lives of a thousand people."- Crvsby
Earning a position of power
"Working in restaurant kitchens."
"You either burn out young, or become the boss that everyone hates."
"There's exceptions, but that's the rule."- grandpas_old_crow
"Henry Heimlich, inventor of the Heimlich Maneuver."
"Made up a bunch of untested uses for it, treating people having asthma attacks, and drowning victims were the two I remember that he publicly talked up."
"Later, he funded an experiment that involved injecting people with Malaria to see if it would treat other conditions.
"The experiment was found to be unethical by American review boards, so he conducted them in Ethiopia." - User Deleted
"In WW1 he led the French to victory at Verdun, one of the worst battles in human history."
"In WW2, after France was beaten, Petain was the head of state of Vichy France."
"Guy went from the Lion of Verdun to the biggest Nazi collaborator in France."- arthuranymoredonuts
"Every organ until it gets cancer."- SuperBaconjam
"He had the whole country behind him here in Ireland at one point bar people who thought combat sport is grotesque."
"He was witty, original, backing himself up and having a Hollywood like rise to stardom."
"Now he's someone who the whole country is ashamed of, goes punching old men, clearly sleeps around on his wife while she's at home with the kids, just a walking caricature of himself."
"He didn't listen to his own advice."
"Get out."- StephenPigot2020
Turning into our parents
"My dad used to annoy me by calling my Pokemon cards 'Pokey-Mans'."
"Now my kids have them and I do the same thing and it annoys the sh*t out of them."
"Thanks for the (Pokeyman) gold!"- rumpel4skinOU
"Almost died during the revolutionary way, if I recall correctly, and if he had he would have been remembered a huge hero, and a martyr."
"Instead he lived and changed sides, and is remembered only for his being a traitor."- uniqueperson22
Be it someone we knew quite intimately, or someone we admired from a far, it is always heartbreaking to see someone evolve from someone we love, to someone we utterly hate.
Sometimes we do things that have to be done.
And some of those things live in life's gray area of right and wrong.
What comes as a surprise to some is when we don't care if we're wrong.
We may still technically be in the right.
But morally and ethically, there may be some issues.
But still, many people don't care.
Redditor BirdyPizzawanted to see who would fess up about some of the worst things we're responsible for but have no shame.
"What is the darkest thing you have ever done and don’t regret?"
I've stolen from department stores that overcharged. I was arrested. I didn't care. So there...
"Five years ago my dad suffered a catastrophic stroke. Left paralyzed and robbed of his speech and ability to communicate he was a shell of the once vibrant, charismatic man he once was. He was moved into skilled nursing where he lived for nearly two years, he was miserable."
"On my last visit I told him it was okay if he wanted to leave us, that we would miss him but he should go. A week later I received the call that he had passed. Instead of immediate grief I felt relief. Relief that he was finally free. The grief came later and I still miss him every single day."
"Got into a car accident and had to stay with my mom for a couple days to figure out what to do. Went back to my apartment (I had two roommates) and everything was missing from my room. Long story short one of my roommates had everything hidden in her room."
"I called and told her the things were missing from my room and she came up with a lie that a couple girls came to look at my room (I was moving out bc of the accident, long story) and that they must have taken my things. She had everything I owned. Including my grandmothers perfume bottles, stuffed to the back of her closet, under her bed, behind her dresser etc."
"So I packed all of my stuff up. Then took a giant black garbage bag and stuffed as much of her closet in it as I could. Took it to the middle of nowhere, dug a hole and burnt it. She called screaming at me that her stuff was missing. I told her the two girls must have come by and taken her stuff too."
"I hit my uncle left right and center when he was trying to choke my father to death. I was 16 years old at that time, a very skinny girl. I beat his face neck and every part of him that I could target with so much intensity that my knuckles turned blue the next day. I had an animalistic rage that day trying to help my father get away from his death grip. I hate my uncle even today."
"I got anger issues because of growing up around him. And I don't regret beating him that day at all. He was physically abusive to his wife as well. One fine day, his wife retaliated by beating him blue with a stick. And he stopped being physically violent towards her post that."
"A neighbor like 10 years ago was neglecting their dog badly in the heat. The dog escaped often and ended up at the shelter a lot. One day she jumped the fence and got her tie-out cable stuck on the fence. (She was not in danger of choking.) Neighbor put her on a 3-foot-long cable tied to a doorknob, no water, 90 degree day. I let some kind folks steal her, watched the whole thing and said nothing to stop them."
"When my father was dying and in pain I was the one who told the doctors he had been through enough and we couldn't see him suffer anymore. Doctor injected him with something, I assume a morphine mega dose and he passed peacefully moments after. Euthanasia may not be legal in UK but compassionate doctors know what's what. I don't regret it because my pa made me promise I would have his back when he got sick or old. I'm sad he got sick and never got to get old."
That is a lot of mess. But sometimes we have to do what we have to do.
"One of my ex best friends in high school was a real narcissistic lunatic. Had so many egotistical fantasies about what he deserved but I remained his friend because we met through my close friend (his girlfriend). As I started realizing what a terrible person he was I convinced him to go after his fantasy of a harem by asking to add a 3rd to their relationship, that led to a fight between his gf."
"I called her about it and asked how she felt about him adding someone to their relationship and about him sleeping with her. She said she knew nothing about that and started crying because he cheated on her. I basically helped orchestrate their breakup and have no regrets. She is happy with her first child now and he is in a toxic af relationship with 3 kids, 2 of which aren't his and his partner is 8 years older than him."
"Had to make the choice to take my dad off of life support after he got Covid this year. He was sedated for a couple of weeks and one of his lungs collapsed and I couldn't watch him fall apart anymore. My dad was a bulky dude. Constantly did a lot of outdoor work and to see him bone skinny and have no muscle left killed me and I knew even if he somehow got through it, he would have been so miserable and depressed in that state he was in. I don’t regret it. I think it was the right thing to do by him. I’ll never not miss him though. That was my buddy."
"Turned a close friend into the fish and game. He would poach mountain lions and bears. His whole family would literally shoot them and leave them. He would brag about it. I couldn’t stand it and felt that I needed to stop him. He’s in prison and so is his uncle. I know I ruined his life but he was literally killing so many mountain lions and bears."
"In middle school, there was this group of boys that would corner me in the hallway and try to scare me. I was the perfect target for these little b**tards. I was short, skinny, and had (and still have) and anxiety disorder. One day I just had enough, and asked a friend if I could have an extra pencil, sharpened it as much as I could, and when I saw one of them in the hallway, I stabbed the hell out of his leg. Sh**head got what he deserved."
Wow... we really are a dark and secretive people.