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I once dated someone who turned out to be a relationship bouncer and it was not pretty to find out. It sucked (for me, at least) because I was under the impression that we'd developed a good connection. Needless to say, it was clear that we were on different pages so we went our separate ways.

This isn't to say that there's something inherently wrong about jumping from one relationship to the next: Everyone does their own thing and makes it work in their own way.

Consider today's burning question from Redditor refrigerator_yeet, who asked the online community, "People who are always in relationships: How do you skip from one relationship to another? Where do you meet these people?" for more insight.


"But since you asked..."

It's not a healthy trait to keep bouncing off from one relationship to another. It goes to show that people are afraid of being alone or always codependent on a partner for happiness. Many do this because it's a short-term solution to move on quickly and not deal with breakups in a healthy manner.

But since you asked, I know some people who keep backups through online dating or from work or friend circle. Many also keep looking for someone better while in a relationship and when they do find that someone, they break up to go to the newer option.

aebrownguy

"I recommend..."

Having hobbies. You can meet so many people that way. I recommend going in with the intent to just make some friends- if you're desperate it's going to show, and desperation is not attractive. Having friends gives you a support network and a potential dating network.

fowldwimmertalk

"It was a need..."

I have a friend who does this; she normally meets people online and then goes to meet them in person. As long as I have known her since she started dating in middle school, she has always had a boyfriend in some form.

I honestly think it was because of her mother, who treated her sister better than her and didn't act like she wanted her around. It was a need for affection from someone that evolved into depending on someone to be there for her.

Smile-Fearless

"They're consumed by..."

They're consumed by the idea of being alone so they put extra effort into not letting that happen. Kinda like going from being fired from a job to another job so you don't become broke.

whadupsirs

People certainly have their opinions, don't they?

Let's face it: Having a dishonest partner can color your opinions on this. I'll refer back to the example I gave in the intro. I was really unhappy at the time of the "break-up" (can't really call it one if there wasn't actually something worth breaking up over, right?) but I did take that to mean that I was not in a place to date and should just enjoy my time alone (which I did).

Let's continue, though. This is certainly an interesting topic.

"The ones I know..."

The ones I know who do this plant the seeds for a new relationship before they end the old one. They decide they want to break up, so they go huntin', and don't break up until they're sure they've found someone who'll date them. Or they meet someone they want to date and ditch their current partner. They're just very good at picking up new partners, which makes sense since they've had a lot of practise. And at least one of the people I've met who bounces from relationship to relationship is not very picky.

ohdearitsrichardiii

"But I can't do..."

Lots of hobbies. I rollerblade pretty religiously. Have a few different skate events I go to. I do a few 5k, 10k events every year. I windsurf when it's not ungodly cold in the UK. I am learning Brazilian jiu-jitsu. I attend a ton of meetups like pottery, Sunday painting, trekking whatever. Grab a few friends, go have a good time and meet new people and make more friends.

The majority of the people in my life are through these hobbies, and it's just as well because my mum and I moved to a completely different country/continent/culture about 13 years ago.


Now, as to the question of why I can't hold a relationship down... I think I have major commitment issues. Anytime the guy gets slightly attached to me I freak out and break up. I don't know if I'm good enough for a relationship, or will ever be.

But I can't do one night stands. I definitely need affection and a relationship... Just not the commitments and problems that come with it.

I also find that I don't have any problem being single. I like being alone sometimes and I tend to take "time offs" between breakups and go travel to a nice warm place that lets me surf.

Maybe my abusive dad and the unhappy marriage that my mum was in has something to do with it. Maybe it's just me being a weirdo. I don't know... As I'm writing this, I'm also realising that I don't really care.

tea-and-chill

"I'm also lucky enough..."

The one time I left one relationship and jumped into another, I was unhappy dating the one guy and had been dropping hints that I was going to break up, and he was actively trying to convince me not to, so I caved in and waited for a good excuse or moment. Then I met a dude at a new job and felt an instant connection. That was the push I needed, so I broke up with dude A and got together with dude B.

Now that I'm not 19 years old, I know myself well enough and have enough confidence in my perception that I wouldn't let myself be talked into staying in a relationship that didn't suit me.

I'm also lucky enough to be able to support myself alone on one income, so I'm not forced to find someone else to share bills with before I can afford to leave a shitty relationship. I'm sure that plays a role for many people.

NoonHairBrush

"I'm convinced..."

My roommate is one of these people. I'm convinced he's a sex addict. And misses out on a lot of other (potentially mind-expanding) experiences because he's lonely and wants to do it with someone. Or maybe I'm just jealous that he bangs all the babes.

Prigglesxo

"Assuming..."

Don't let your social circle shrink into nothing while your dating. Always have options, and having friends gives you many options. Assuming that they will set you up with other people. General tips. Set boundaries. Have a plan for your life. Value yourself first. Don't be afraid to end it.

BurnYourFlag

"Important to note..."

I was a "serial monogamist" for awhile. Important to note that this is "serial", not "parallel". No cheating, no "overlap" - just not a lot of time between ending one relationship and starting another.

It was always somebody I already knew. Usually somebody I hadn't really thought about like that or figured they wouldn't be interested in me anyway.

The relationship ending was almost always not what I wanted. That is to say, I got dumped. I wasn't shopping around for somebody new and sabotaging myself.

I didn't go looking for somebody else to date. They found me. Given the choice, I'd have preferred more time. But when this kind of thing happens you don't get to just be like "thanks for your interest, can you come back in a couple of months?" The spark is here now, your choices are to see where it goes or not. I don't regret making that choice. I would have always wondered.

Se7enLC

"Things are easier..."

Let's break some of the negativity on this thread.

Humans aren't solitary creatures. We form families or tribes. Things are easier when we're together. There's shared work and shared resources. Nothing wrong with being alone, but being part of a group (even two) makes life easier and potentially more rewarding.

Just flipping the script on most of these comments indicating that there's somehow something wrong with "these people."

mapbc

Nice to have some levity, right?

As you can see, this is a bit more of a complicated matter than people make it out to be (but isn't everything, though?).

I'm making the most of single life, by the way. We are in a pandemic, after all. And once it's over, I'm going to have to pick up a few more hobbies.

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Image by Mandyme27 from Pixabay

It’s weird how much stuff we let slide when we’re kids. Even if you look at the TV shows we watched back then, we had such a high threshold for the bizarre (early 2000’s Nickelodeon, anyone?). So it’s no surprise that some of us straight-up didn’t react when we saw weird crap in person.

Here are a few wild examples of seemingly harmless things we saw as kids that would be horrifying to see now. Brace yourself, this one gets crazy.



Kids and water aren’t a great mix sometimes. It can get real gross, real quick.

Not worth the tranquility.

I've always loved the tranquil feeling of being under water. When I was a kid I would just hold my breath and float around. Sometimes adults would think I was drowning and run up and scoop me out. I don't remember this (it was when I was pretty young) but my parents have told me about it

I used to think it was a funny story... people thinking I was drowning when I was just trying to relax

....until I watched a video explaining child drownings and yeah, the way I acted in water looked exactly like a drowned kid.

I don't think it's funny anymore.

Turboshot49cents

Uhhhhhh.....ew?

Renee Zellweger Water GIF by Working Title Giphy

Flood water. It was fun and games for the kids, and we even splashed around in it, much to the horror of our parents (who immediately scrubbed us down). We didn't understand then, but now, oh wow...sewer, insects, rats, parasites, etc.

MrFantasticallyNerdy

That’s actually hilarious.

My friend and I were walking along the road in about thigh high flood waters. A small boat with two men comes up to us. We were about 9 years old and I think they were National Guard. Anyway, one of the men asks if we remembered exactly where the manholes in the road were. We answered no. He told us that all of the covers had most likely been washed away in the flood but not to worry because it would probably only take them a few days to find our bodies if we were sucked down one of the holes by currents they produced. He spoke in a matter of fact tone and then left.

As an adult, I have zero doubt those two men had a good laugh as they looked back and watched us nope out of that water like two roadrunners in a cartoon.

Edit: It was Fish and Game Wardens. The NG didn't come until later.

Daykri3

Not to mention the crazy injuries that kids somehow are constantly surrounded by.

Had a jogger get hit by a car outside my house once when I was about eight or nine. My nephew came running inside yelling at my parents and my sister to call the ambulance because he was bleeding pretty badly.

I could even see him from our playrooms window and I wondered what he was doing lying on the grass. Turns out he was bleeding out pretty badly, deliriously yelling at my parents when they tried to help.

Eventually, an ambulance came and picked him up, but my parents always told me he made it out okay. The day after, in the spot he was found someone had put a lily in the grass in a vase.

It took me longer than I care to admit to figure out he died from the hit and run.

SixthUnderminer

How sharp were they, though?

A kid f*cking sharpened his fingers with an automatic pencil sharpener at grade 2. Everyone didn't know what was going on until the teacher started freaking out.

NubbishWood

I just remembered I tried to stick my finger into electric pencil sharpeners as a kid and disliked how my fingers were too big to fit in it. What the hell was I thinking?

BSPlanes

Rock climbing can definitely be dangerous.

scared george costanza GIF by HULU Giphy

We did climbing in PE (sixth to eight grade). Like rock climbing and we had to do our own harness and stuff. PE teacher (supposedly) checked it after we were done to make sure it was done right. One day my neighbor broke an arm and leg because she wasn't properly strapped and fell.

This was at an international American school in Egypt around year 2000, for all those wondering what type of school does rock climbing.

Ashleywalz90

Kids are, in fact, made of elastic.

We used to jump of our roof. First time hurt a little, but after a few times you learnt how to land.

Did it regularly and would try various items as 'parachutes' to see if it slows you down any.

I look at that height now and wonder how the hell we never broke anything - kids bones are more elastic I guess.

Reapr

​It’s amazing what adults can get away with right under kids’ noses.

A casual hit-and-run.

car japan GIF Giphy

My babysitter was running late to take me to piano lessons and rear ended an old man at a stoplight. She told me that he must not have noticed because he didn't get out of his car. I thought nothing of it, and she drove away and took me to my piano lesson.

I forgot about it, and it didn't click until I remembered the incident years later that I had been unknowingly involved in a hit and run.

Idontknowwhattoput22

Big yikes.

Not so much something I saw - but when I was 5 or 6 I was at a family wedding, and there was this really friendly adult guy (who I didn't know) who told me he was really worried about his nice new car in the parking lot and how he wanted to check on the car but didn't want to leave the wedding.

He asked if I could go check on it and he would pay me $5 just to go see if his car was "okay" being that age $5 was a crazy amount of money so I couldn't believe my luck.

On the way to the parking lot, my mom intercepted me and was absolutely horrified, I remember not understanding why, like trying to tell her no she had it wrong he was nice and paying me! And as an adult now I'm like that's so messed up and I wonder how close a call that could have been.

DeclanAF

Go grandma!

Until the age of 12 my grandma had custody of me. I used to sleep with her and she slept with a baseball bat next to her bed. It wasn't until I was much older that I realized she did it dads friends wouldn't be able to do anything to me.

Dad was a drug addict and drunk and when he was out of prison he had all kinds of people in and out of the house. You would never know what would be missing the next day - often my Nintendo :(

She did everything she could to protect me from God knows who/what and I had zero clue!

Edit: Damn this blew up while I was sleeping!! Thank you so much to everyone for the support :)

Im adding extra details to help understand the situation.

My grandmother was born in 1914, had a third grade education and was a housewife her entire life. She was already 71 when I was born! My grandpa died when I was 4 and it was just her and I. We lived in a tiny 2 bedroom house in a terrible neighborhood. It was paid off and that's all she could afford. She lived off of the social security death benefits from my grandpa and food banks. She couldn't just "leave" and go anywhere else.

Also, for those suggesting she should have called the cops - cops don't do anything if you say "I'm scared these guys will do something bad" cops have to wait till something bad happens.

She did her very best and raised my right! Now my father is back in prison (shocker) and is pissed at me for not letting the past be in the past and welcoming him with open arms. Meanwhile I'm a 2x college graduate with a great job, my own house and recently married! She definitely did something right. Unfortunately she died when I was 12. Id give anything to be able to tell her how grateful I am to her for doing everything right.

LostLadyA


We see some scary stuff as kids. No wonder most of us are so messed up years later. Often these things don’t even register as something terrible- a lot of times, the things we witnessed were just a part of life.

The best we can do is to take our trauma, and learn from it, so we don’t pass it down to our own children. Because kids don’t deserve it- they deserve to have happy childhoods and not think about the horrors of the world.