Sex Therapists Reveal What They Wish More People Knew About Intimacy
Sex is ESSENTIAL to survival. That's just truth. It is essential to human survival and more importantly... love survival. But sex isn't the MOST essential element in the end. Couples have been struggling for generations with the perfect balance between the importance of intimacy Why are we afraid of this concept? Why do we poison it and our mindset with so much pressure?
Redditor _meeeeeeeeeeeeesh had some hot under the collar questions by wondering... Sex therapists of Reddit, what do you wish more people knew? What are some of the more common (or obscure) things people have come to you with? Its not that arduous. Breathe and listen.
THIS TOO SHALL PASS... HOPEFULLY...
It's amazing how some problems seem to disappear (or at least, lessen in severity) once a couple resumes intimacy after a dry spell.
Have a friend down the road, they are having big arguments. We both had kids around the same time, so are out with them a lot, he is constantly talking about how she is withholding sex from him, yet she tells my partner how he doesn't pay attention to her, make her feel special etc.
Sadly the arguments are getting worse and worse over more trivial things, and I feel if they could get back in it together all those little issues would go away and they could work on the more serious ones.
KEEP CHECKING IN...
I wish couples therapy was a more common thing. For years my wife wanted to do it but I was embarrassed for some reason. Actually our therapist was bad and thought all the worlds problems were caused by alcohol (not the WORST hypothesis but I'm a super light weekend drinker. Problem? Well sure it doesn't help but it was not nearly the root) but going opened to door to some critical thinking. A couples communication class we took was amazing and put things into perspective so well. I plan to take the class again after my current deployment because it was so helpful. That class should be a requirement for people to get married! With refresher every 3 years lol
TRUAMA FOLLOWS YOU...
For me it's a lot of trauma education. I see so many women (and i know men experience trauma as well, they just aren't a large part of my clientele)who struggle in the bedroom with their spouses because of trauma in their past. Once you can educate both parties how trauma like that affects you physically and mentally you really start to see some growth
SEXUAL COMPATIBILITY IS KEY...
For couples with mismatched sex drives (which is the majority of couples)- ask yourself whether or not, when you really get things going, you enjoy having sex. If the answer is yes, remind yourself of that when your partner makes advances. In a lot of cases you will find that you don't want to start having sex, not that you don't want to be having sex.
For both: Set sexpectations. Get comfortable saying what you like or don't like.
If it's a dead bedroom, start complimenting each other. Sex, for both parties, starts outside the bedroom. Men and women may need to feel different things (appreciated, empowered, whatever it may be). Be cognizant of that and build each other up slowly. It will help.
Schedule your encounters. They will lead to non-scheduled encounters. Oh, and sex positive households go a long way. One can be spiritual/religious and still be virtuous without making sex a scary thing. This contributes to me seeing newly married couples not have sex because it was taught to be so dirty/sinful/wrong. Check out Song of Solomon/Song of Songs in your Bible if you're Christian. Sex positive households can start with YOU if you didn't get grow up in one!
BE BILINGUAL... OR 5-LINGUAL...
A satisfying relationship inside the bedroom starts outside the bedroom. I used to intern with therapists and they'd always stress the importance of communication. One of the therapists loved "The 5 Love Languages," which I believe started as a book, but she'd tell them to take a free quiz online to figure out their "love language." So many patients throughout the years would say how learning their "love language" helped save their relationships. I've personally found it incredibly beneficial as well. If nothing else, it opens the door for communication with your SO on what's important and meaningful to you, and that can lead to a much more satisfying sexual relationship.
IT HAPPENS... TAKE A PILL..
Erectile dysfunction is more common for young men than society thinks. Sildenafil (viagra) and other ED drugs are not only prescribed to old men.
How feeling sexy comes from being sexy, so scheduled sex today can lead to delightfully spontaneous sex tomorrow. Too many people settle into the cold comfort of a minimally maintained relationship, and let the friendship and sexy side of a relationship wither.
Schedule a date to go do something together, agree to a time to have sex, and things usually do get better.
IT'S ALL MENTAL...
Sex is just as mental as it is physical. Being in a good mood, with no stress in the back of your mind, having a good healthy meal that day and focusing on arousing thoughts and imagery (consistently) hours before sex (or even longer). This will make your sex life better, male/female, relationship/hookups.
IT'S THE PELVIC THRUST...
I work in pelvic floor physical rehab, I'm on my phone so I'll keep it short.
- Consider mental health if there is sexual dysfunction whether ED or pain. Also consider physical health (pelvic muscle weakness and/or tightness is also a thing in addition to overall health).
- It is not normal for there to be pain with/after intercourse (unless that's your thing). Many things can result in this happening but it's not healthy.
- For men that have urogenital surgeries (prostate, cancer/radiation etc) it's very important to begin penile rehabilitation ASAP post op and to be educated prior to treatment. Timing is very important for improved outcomes in treating erectile dysfunction after surgery. Also incontinence is common after but also know can be improved with physical therapy (many physicians don't know this treatment option is available).
So many guys are worried about premature ejaculation.
PiV (Penis in Vagina) sex lasts typically 3-5 minutes.
Lasting _"longer" needing to go _"longer" is a myth.
Reminder piv sex isn't all sex, foreplay, oral sex and other activities mean sex can last... Hours, but the average time the penis is in the vagina thrusting is Yeah 3-5 minutes (some studies say 4-6 minutes)
BE WHO YOU ARE...
BOTH men and women, in talking about and beginning things regarding intimacy, require emotional bits. Not just women. This is a common misconception and can lead to some problems. If a loving, kind, supportive, and communicative relationship is the foundation, sex is going to be much easier and more comfortable and open. Communication is key. Always. And when it isn't, there's usually some deep seeded problem that needs to be mended ( or at least addressed ) before a couple can move into a flourishing sexual partnership.
A couple of comments are very helpful here, especially those regarding dry spells. I would like to add, however, that dry spells can become cycles. Meaning, if a couple stops having sex because the husband becomes less emotionally available (as an example; a common one), a great fix for this can be sexual intimacy. But on the other side, if problems aren't taken care of, a sexual relationship can be a bandaid when surgery was needed.
LISTEN TO WHAT I'M SAYING...
I'm a marriage and family therapist who specializes in sexual and LGBT issues (although currently working primarily with children while I get my private practice off the ground in a new state).
The first thing I tell many clients (and this is true about every relationship, be it partner/partner, parent/child, friend/friend, etc,) is that a lot of future issues can be spared if you take the time to communicate your expectations of one another plainly. This is especially true (and hardest to do) regarding sex. Having expectations doesn't make you selfish or needy, it makes you a person. Sex is a big part of a relationship, and acknowledging its importance doesn't make you shallow. Furthermore, you are setting your partner up for failure and yourself up for disappointment if you are not making your expectations known.
Making sure your expectations of one another are realistic, communicated effectively, and that each partner has a desire to meet them are all fundamental. The amount of people who come to me for sexual dysfunction is tiny compared to the amount of people who are having trouble effectively communicating with each other.
IT'S THE PILLS...
If you're taking a depression or anxiety medication its common to not have as high of a sex drive as before. Understand it has nothing to do with the relationship.
I LIKE AN OIL CHANGE...
Sex is like an oil change. It will not fix a broken relationship, but it is part of good maintenance.
Everyone needs to learn about "sexual concordance." What a body does, and how you feel/think about it are often two different things. Understanding how sexual concordance happens is probably the single greatest gift you can give yourself and your partner(s) current and future.
For men, generally, they tend to be more sexually concordant than women. For example, a boner = arousal. Women, generally, are not quite as sexually concordant as men. For many women, a sexy situation doesn't always = arousal. Sometimes, for both sexes, something that shouldn't--for whatever reason--be arousing is, and vice versa.
EVERY one needs to be aware that a body's responses is not always in line with what they think should happen. Emily Nagoski's excellent book, Come As You Are, is a great way to get sexual concordance in your vocabulary.
GET YOUR KINK ON!!
You get to define what is "normal" when it comes to sexuality. As long as it's consensual, go for it!
Source: AASECT Certified Sex Therapist that sees a lot of kinky folk.
If you love something it's supposed to be forever right?
Well, if you're one of my regular readers, then you know better by now.
Gamer Growth<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTcxMjc5NS9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY0ODY1MjUyNn0.LCdZuF69tUjDp_EeoDirNlRMO9TMBqf5vFxb11aQv4o/img.gif?width=980" id="bcc64" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="ca5c03e094bc984bbd3359126d4ee6ad" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="459" data-height="620" />Video Games 80S GIFGiphy<p>Video games. </p><p>For most of the first 25 years of my life I loved games. And then one day I sort of just said "why?" </p><p>And have really touched any in the last 7 years and haven't had much of a desire to. </p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lu5gek/what_did_you_think_youd_always_enjoy_doing_until/gp4tcpn?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">thesheep_1</a></p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lu5gek/what_did_you_think_youd_always_enjoy_doing_until/gp4tcpn?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank"></a>As much as I enjoy video games...I find as I get older...I have less time for it. Other priorities take place and before I know it...not much free time.</p><p>It also doesn't help that gaming companies that I grew up with...are now corporate asshats and not the 'revolutionary' icons they once were (looking at you Blizzard)...the constant 'made for multiplayer online'...f*ck that shit. (looking at you Rockstar).</p>
7 or 8 Other Things<p>Playing guitar. </p><p>I've played for 20 years and for the first roughly 13 years I could sit and play pretty much all day every day. When I went back to college and started taking my education seriously I started losing interest. </p><p>I still pick it up and play but I haven't written any new music in well over a year and most of the time there are like 7 or 8 other things I prefer doing instead.</p><p> There were certain people that I collaborated with a lot and some of them still play music and some of them don't but I moved far away enough from them that collaboration wasn't as easy. They were all people I knew in Orange County, CA but then I moved to Los Angeles after college and now I live in Idaho. </p><p>There is this one guy in particular that I used to play music with the most. Him and I always kind of understood each others' visions for a piece of music pretty well and just generally really understood how the other approached writing music. </p><p>He still writes and records all of the time and he's considering moving out here. If he does I wouldn't be surprised if that ends up being the push to get me really into playing again.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lu5gek/what_did_you_think_youd_always_enjoy_doing_until/gp4dqtg?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">tim_to_tourach</a></p>
Doodle Depression<p>Drawing. I loved to doodle and try and draw whatever popped into my head. Even tried learning new styles to try out but eventually that feeling just slowly died. Drew a few things from a tutorial video a few months back, but that's about it. Pretty depressing honestly.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lu5gek/what_did_you_think_youd_always_enjoy_doing_until/gp4toaj?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">staying_golden1</a></p><p>I used to love drawing and painting too, and aced AP art...but now I look at a blank piece of paper and have zero inspiration. It's sad.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lu5gek/what_did_you_think_youd_always_enjoy_doing_until/gp56g4c?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">5leeplessinvancouver</a></p>
Happier As A Hobby<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTcxMzAyNi9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY1NTkyODk4MX0.NqAZGKUzeyNvYYFqY5h32ZwX6G8_nCpvrUqassfwhN0/img.gif?width=980" id="14cae" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="e2689d2cc698153626ad28e3b2c491c9" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="480" data-height="400" />Nervous Season 6 GIF by Paramount+Giphy<p>Sewing. </p><p>Loved it as a teen. Made my own grad dress, won an award and a scholarship for my skills. Tried it as a job and it just killed any and all desire for it. </p><p>It stopped being fun. It stopped being a creative outlet for me. </p><p>It's really sad, cuz I had skills. I've tried to pick it back up in recent years, but I just can't seem to care like I did back then.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lu5gek/what_did_you_think_youd_always_enjoy_doing_until/gp4vl5q?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">alabardios</a></p><p>Same with knitting for me, which I picked it up as a hobby. Parents realized that I could make useful stuff and tried to push me into selling it. I <em>never</em> want to turn this hobby into a job; it would kill off all the benefits of being a relaxing way to pass the time.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lu5gek/what_did_you_think_youd_always_enjoy_doing_until/gp4z7dt?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">ladyoffate13</a></p><p>Are you me? Working in the fashion industry is such a goddamn soul suck. I'll probably never go back. I hoped to get my creative inspo back after a sabbatical but it's been almost 4 years since I quit my job and I've barely touched my sewing machine (except to make a handful of masks for a few close friends and family last year). </p><p>I hate when people find out I sew and ask me if I can make them something...</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lu5gek/what_did_you_think_youd_always_enjoy_doing_until/gp5hylq?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">sxeoompaloompa</a></p>
Reading Used To Be FUNdamental<p>I was an avid reader since kindergarden up till uni. After that life just got in the way and I never picked up any books for the past 10 years....?</p><p>Still reads to my kids tho. Just, I don't have the energy to read mine.</p><p><span></span>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lu5gek/what_did_you_think_youd_always_enjoy_doing_until/gp5cls6?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">shfaeman</a></p><p>As child, schoolboy, and student I used to absolutely devour books. I always had one in my pocket or bag.</p><p>From Dumas to Dickens I lived in those pages and had travels, adventure, and experiences that still remain clear and potent for me all this time later. When the demands of later adult life made this impossible I felt the loss keenly.</p><p>I found that an Audible account was the solution, I can fit books into the interstices of my day, and a good unabridged reading doesn't leave you feeling dissatisfied.</p><p>It'll never be the same as the the intense personal connection I had with books from my days as a true reader. But it suffices for these years until I can again.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lu5gek/what_did_you_think_youd_always_enjoy_doing_until/gp5eqai?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">DrNecessiter</a></p>
Like Prostitution<p>Writing. I always thought it'd be a passion I'd have for life, but in the past year or two everything I've tried to write has been sh!t. </p><p>Slowly I've stopped even trying.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lu5gek/what_did_you_think_youd_always_enjoy_doing_until/gp4oxed?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Without_Mystery</a></p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lu5gek/what_did_you_think_youd_always_enjoy_doing_until/gp4oxed?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank"></a>"Writing is like prostitution. First you do it for love, and then for a few close friends, and then for money. " -- Molière </p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lu5gek/what_did_you_think_youd_always_enjoy_doing_until/gp555at?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">tamsui_tosspot</a></p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lu5gek/what_did_you_think_youd_always_enjoy_doing_until/gp555at?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank"></a>I have been writing since I was seven, got a BA in English, and thought for sure I'd be a famous writer someday. </p><p>I very gradually wrote less and less over the years and now I am almost fifty and can barely muster inspiration to to churn out so much as a short poem. Looking back I tend to wonder if it was passion or if it just happened to be something I was good at that earned me praise and that validation is what fueled my motivation. </p><p>Now I don't care what people think of me so much so I just watch Netflix instead.😃</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lu5gek/what_did_you_think_youd_always_enjoy_doing_until/gp64j3t?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">AmyKeeBee</a></p>
All Of The Above<p>Everything here. </p><p>Playing guitar, writing, video games, I guess I just lost it all. </p><p>I'm not in my teens anymore when everything was so deep. I'm just going through the motions of life as a mid 30 year old. Working, and going home and repeat. </p><p>The friends have narrowed down to about 1, the job is tolerable at best. I'm drunk now so that's why I'm spilling. I can't find something that gives me that spark but I'm hopeful for the future.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lu5gek/what_did_you_think_youd_always_enjoy_doing_until/gp56130?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Omegawolf83</a></p><p>Dude aside from the drunk part and hopeful about the future. Are you me?!??!?!😲</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lu5gek/what_did_you_think_youd_always_enjoy_doing_until/gp56130?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank"></a>Like for real, I lost interest in writing first, then gaming, have one good friend, work then home, mid 30's... duuuude. And to be honest, losing interest in so much stuff, has had me question if I'm secretly depressed, and just don't know it or what?</p><p><span></span>-<a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lu5gek/what_did_you_think_youd_always_enjoy_doing_until/gp691ww?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank"> LurkingAintEasy</a></p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lu5gek/what_did_you_think_youd_always_enjoy_doing_until/gp691ww?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank"></a>It's been years since I legitimately looked forward to anything or enjoyed something for any decent period of time.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lu5gek/what_did_you_think_youd_always_enjoy_doing_until/gp5224v?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Linchey1</a></p>
Hostile Hostels<p>Staying in hostels. </p><p>I still love travelling and meeting people, but I just can't do the hostel life anymore. I'd much rather have a nice, private bedroom and my own bathroom.</p><p>Part of me still dreams about just saving up some money and doing it all over again, but I know I'd be switching to hotels in about 2 days lol</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lu5gek/what_did_you_think_youd_always_enjoy_doing_until/gp50yh4?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">ObjectivePassenger9</a></p><p>This. I loved it when I was 22 and could meet people and hang out with them, It was a great way to meet interesting people, make fun memories, and see a new city. </p><p>But now? F*ck no. </p><p>If I stay in a hostel now, I have to have a private room and bathroom because I am not f*cking around with other people.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lu5gek/what_did_you_think_youd_always_enjoy_doing_until/gp56w24?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">FreddieGregg</a></p>
SCUBA Men<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTcxMzUxMC9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY3MDIxMTU0Mn0.zSPRheHDiYwiAdCk9Edsfg8Q_pmmwoJaWuQdBX053wg/img.gif?width=980" id="ac33d" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="6b3ab59b62d0c3646b51e77406dc76c1" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="470" data-height="264" />Under Water Swimming GIF by Outside TVGiphy<p>I fell out of love with SCUBA.</p><p><span>Firstly I live in England so the waters are somewhat different to the Red Sea. </span></p><p><span>But when I did do SCUBA, either in England or abroad, I realized a large part of SCUBA is spending time on boats with middle aged men with marital problems who still, <span>nonetheless</span>, need to keep reminding me that they are better than me. </span></p><p><span>Hence the marital problems, I'm sure.</span></p><p>I always thought it should be an easier and more pleasant experience.</p><p>I'm a casual, by the way. I really don't have the inclination to get up early on a Sunday and look at 4 non-descript fish in the English Channel (which I've done, by the way.) </p><p>Plus I'm not very good at bragging so this excludes me from 95% of on boat conversations.</p><p><span></span><span>I would, however, like to rock up to Jordan or the <span style="font-size: 14px;">Caribbean</span> and just say "Look I'm here for a week or so. Lets do 5 dives but I <span style="font-size: 14px;">haven't</span> done it for a while, so can we spend some time on the first dive working on my bouyancy?" </span></p><p><span>I've tried this a couple of times only to get to the dive shop to find out its being run by an English couple. And if there's one thing worse than a middle aged man with marital problems, its an expat middle aged man with marital problems.</span></p><p><span></span>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lu5gek/what_did_you_think_youd_always_enjoy_doing_until/gp5c2xf?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">random_username_94 </a></p>
Burgers, fries, peanut butter. Apple pie, hot dogs, cheesesteaks. American food is a big part of our daily lives, but it's not normal for everybody around the globe.
When was the first time you tried sushi? Or the first time you had curry? Have you even been able to try escargot? The world is full of so many fascinating foods, and some of those foods are American--especially to non-Americans.
A Little South In Your Mouth<p>Proper Jambalaya from Louisiana</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Heiminator/" target="_blank">Heiminator</a></p><p>Gumbo, jambalaya, and a real authentic muffaletta should be your top three. A GOOD shrimp po boy is a good one to add to the list as well.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/DocHoss/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">DocHoss</a></p>
The List Goes On And On<p>I really want to have some American pancakes with the bacon and maple syrup! I just recently discovered iHop is a pancake restaurant!!!! A restaurant......for pancakes?!!</p><p>Oh and a hotdog from New York street vendor with "everything".....whatever everything is and then a pretzel for later.</p><p>Some runners up that I'd like to try: twinkies, egg nog, Mac and cheese, a full thanksgiving dinner experience, key lime pie, pumpkin pie, Krispy Kreme doughnuts and Mountain Dew</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/surebegrandlike/" target="_blank">surebegrandlike</a></p>
A Nommy Dessert<p>Pumpkin pie. I don't think I'd like it, but I'd like to try it.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Gooner1798/" target="_blank">Gooner1798</a></p><p>It's my favorite pie! It has a pretty great flavor, just sweet enough with a nice soft texture. You absolutely have to put a dollop of whipped cream on top before eating though.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/abe_the_babe_/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">abe_the_babe_</a></p>
Variations On A Theme<p>A Philly cheesesteak.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/FairyBread10/" target="_blank">FairyBread10</a></p><p>Trust me, they are NOT all made alike</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Maximum-Recover625/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Maximum-Recover625</a></p><p>Word. As someone who lives in Philly, it's amazing to see what ends up being considered a "Philly Cheesesteak" on menus around the country lol. Even here in Philly we gatekeep what a legit cheesesteak is lmao.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/MikeyMortadella/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">MikeyMortadella</a></p>
A Smoky Lil Treat<p>Texas BBQ</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/gurren975/" target="_blank">gurren975</a></p><p>Smoked brisket is insanely good when done well. I've just started smoking my own during covid (because why not?) and it is so yummy! Brisket Mac n Cheese was seriously unhealthy but phenomenal..</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Punkinsmom/" target="_blank">Punkinsmom</a></p>
Uniquely Artery Clogging<p>Corndogs. I have never seen it in my country. I never got the chance to eat it when I was in the USA. So I really would like to try it. </p><p>Specially since I saw an episode of GMM where Rhett talks about how much he loves corndogs.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/badthoughts87/" target="_blank">badthoughts87</a></p>
Combo Plate<p>One of those whole hog bbq pulled pork and slaw burgers</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/SmashYaGash/" target="_blank">SmashYaGash</a></p><p>Yeah, that's definitely an eastern North Carolina meal.</p><p>Western NC does smoked pork shoulders (or Boston butts as some call them). Eastern NC is where the whole hog comes from - historically speaking, it's the oldest style of regional barbecue in the country, beating out the colonization of Texas by almost a century.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/LongPorkJones/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">LongPorkJones</a></p>
They're After Me American Cereals<p>I was literally Googling American sugary cereals last night, making my mouth water. </p><p>All these amazing things my husband and I would love to try - Reese's Puffs, Lucky Charms, Cinnamon Toast Crunch... What are they?! Must.... Taste.....!</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/ArtNorvelle/" target="_blank">ArtNorvelle</a></p>
Expanding On Fritos<p>I had Fritos once. OMG we have no equivalent. I don't know if they are illegal here or what but I could sense instant attraction pure nommynom.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/qarrmeh/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">qarrmeh</a></p><p>Three words: Frito. Chili. Pie. It's just three basic ingredients: Bag of Fritos corn chips, a can of Hormel chili (or equivalent of homemade chili, which is better), and shredded cheddar cheese. Mix, bake at 350ºF for like 20 minutes or until everything is hot and the cheese has melted, serve. Top with salsa if you'd like.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/PatrickRsGhost/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">PatrickRsGhost</a></p>
Corn In A New Way<p>Grits.</p><p>I've heard it mentioned in movies for years, and I've always wanted to try it.</p><p><span></span><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Fred_Perry/" target="_blank">Fred_Perry</a></p><p>Be aware that there are two distinct factions of grits:</p><p>Grits with butter, pepper, salt, and maybe cheese.</p><p>Grits with butter, brown sugar, and maybe honey or syrup.</p><p>If you go into it expecting one, but get the other, you'll be surprised. People will fight over which is better or 'the right way', despite the fact that they're both delicious. Personally, I mix it up, with butter, pepper, sugar, and honey. That way I'm always an outcast, but at least I have good food.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/MedusasSexyLegHair/" target="_blank">MedusasSexyLegHair</a></p>
Unfortunately, it's no secret that people are becoming the victims of human trafficking all around us.
Every country, city, town, and region can be the site of abduction, where a vulnerable person is groomed to be free labor or the victim of predatory sex
Missing Things<p>"I had a loved one pulled into the sex trafficking industry as an adult. So, I can offer a couple pointers for spotting adults who are being sold as sex workers."</p><ol><li>"Missing shoes. It's hard to run away in a city barefoot. Blisters are a dead giveaway."</li><li>"Not carrying a cell phone, identification, or the purse or wallet to put it in. Their pimp likes to hold these hostage to prohibit contact with the outside world and to make it difficult to purchase long distance transportation."</li></ol><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lreopg/people_who_help_fight_human_trafficking_what_are/gomxb1t?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">LoneQuietus81</a></p>
Trust Yourself<p>"I worked as front desk for a hotel, had a couple of experiences with this."</p><p>"Look for groups of 2-3 where one person does all of the talking, specifically when the other(s) look scared, are overly covered, cringe when the talker is speaking, or look under the influence of something."</p><p>"Ensure you get ID from all parties when you suspect something is going on, note down their room number and names given, trust your gut, what we call a 'gut feeling' is a combination of millions of tiny factors you might not knowingly be aware of, tiny details like hitched breathing, microexpressions, specific lying tells, environmental factors, etc."</p><p>"These all add up and let your subconscious mind make connections that your general mind might not. Trust that feeling if you suspect something is wrong, and contact the police to inform them of a suspected human trafficking issue."</p><p>"Both times my gut told me to call it in I ended up regrettably being correct."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lreopg/people_who_help_fight_human_trafficking_what_are/gommblj?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">tsavong117</a></p>
Memorized Lines<p>"Where I live, human trafficking is a big problem and there was a huge bust at a hotel not too long ago."</p><p>"Usually hotels, motels, and airlines are trained to look out for signs of trafficking. Red flags include those who are very scared or nervous around specific people or talk like their following a script."</p><p>"Those who are targeted usually come from broken homes or poor countries with the promise of a better life or how all of their problems can be solved by doing X. It can also include being showered with expensive or luxury gifts as a start of the luring in process."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lreopg/people_who_help_fight_human_trafficking_what_are/gom77wi?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Kevin-W</a></p>
Prevention<p>"Here in Spain we get a lot of women from eastern Europe and sub saharan Africa, some pay for their trip to europe this way, some are blackmailed and some are lured offers of jobs like cleaning, or low level administrative jobs (secretaries, paper pushing) and end up on in a roadside brothel."</p><p>"If you´re a young woman in a poor area of eastern europe and you get a offer for a easy job in germany, france, spain or the netherlands. be VERY suspicious."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lreopg/people_who_help_fight_human_trafficking_what_are/golqok8?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Aevum1</a></p>
Litmus Test<p>"My sociology professor told us if we ever see a child at a motel/hotel , make sure to say hi to them , and you can pretty well judge by their reaction if they're safe or not"</p><p>"also it's a bit harder to do as a man"</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lreopg/people_who_help_fight_human_trafficking_what_are/gom5b4a?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Ok_Act_1214</a></p>
The Thine Line Between Slavery and Labor<p>"Most of human trafficking is not the movie kind. It's more the kind where an ethnic restaurant brings over a cook from their home country and they have to work unreasonable hours to pay back for the trip."</p><p>"Or maybe it's a maid or a construction worker who works below minimum wage and can't have their passport back."</p><p>"So look for people who work long hours at sub-legal wages."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lreopg/people_who_help_fight_human_trafficking_what_are/golbrvq?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Pontus_Pilates</a></p>
Nifty, and Significant<p>"There's an app you can download called TraffickCam."</p><p>"Any time you stay at a hotel, upload photos of your room. Those photos are incorporated into an artificial intelligence algorithm that helps identify locations of trafficking victims via background details."</p><p><span></span>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lreopg/people_who_help_fight_human_trafficking_what_are/gomc6g8?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">m31td0wn</a></p>
The rule of thumb when eating fast food is very simple: put on the blinders, enjoy the meal, and try not to do it too often.
But what if you work in the kitchen?
In that case, there's simply no escaping a complete understanding of the several horrors that each assembled burger or french fry encounters on its way to that front counter.