The infamous Mortal Kombat ABACABB code doesn't actually work in real life, but there are absolutely times when some overly dramatic poorly-rendered game blood would make a moment way funnier.
We could use it for educational purposes, or in trauma reduction.
Ted the Feminist might even still have a girlfriend!
Sometimes a sense of humor is all you've got left, ya know?
Hilarious as that could get - if cheat codes actually DID work, we can think of quite a few we'd try before that one. Sorry, Ted.
Reddit user citizen287 asked:
"What is a real life cheat code you use?"
Instead, we're just stuck with these "real life cheat codes" from people who are somehow good at life or whatever.
Look It Up
GIF by The Simpsons
Giphy
"When I hear a word I cannot define, I stop whatever I am doing and look it up."
"You would be amazed how that helps you understand the world around you and all aspects of it, especially finances."
- Codeine-Radick
"You are absolutely right."
"It was the philosopher Wittgenstein who said: 'The limits of my language means the limits of my world.' “
"In other words, your field of experience of the world will increase as you become more competent in learning language, vocabulary, words and definitions."
- Quh49zvf
"Wait, I thought everyone just did that? How else would you understand the sentence or whatever"
-funlight45
"Context."
- r3coil
Size Matters
"When you decide to use a teaspoon instead of a tablespoon for ice cream or yoghurt or pretty much anything."
"It gives you more bites, forces you to take more time to enjoy something, really savor it -- and I think that's pretty special."
- KokoTheBanana
"I only use small dishes and utensils for the past few years :) Makes a huge difference!"
- AnotherThrowAway1320
"Completely agree with you!"
"I have tons of little spoons specifically for that reason, so I can savor what I’m eating instead of gobbling it down right there"
- Anzulia_Art
"Agreed. Except cereal, which requires bigger bites so it doesn't get soggy."
- ComplexCost4496
Thoughtful Notes
Taking Notes GIF
Giphy
"Keep a list of things people love or want."
"It comes in super handy during birthdays and Christmas."
"I always get complimented on how thoughtful my gifts are. A little planning goes a long way."
- Wonderful-Rich-3411
"My brother decided to create a Google sheet for all of us."
"We each have our own tab, and after Sept 1, no one is allowed to look at their own tab, because the rest of us make changes to it to indicate what was bought."
"He got tired of all of us screaming for lists from his family."
- schroedingersnewcat
"I do this too! As people are chatting and mention something they like, a favorite restaurant, etc I’ll remember and add it to a list in my notes app on my phone."
"I’m constantly complimented on my thoughtful gifts but I’m just listening!"
- TuesdayWednesdayMe
To The Left To The Left
"Whenever I have to fart/have a belly ache I lay on my left side. I did this long before actually looking up the science but apparently your GI Tract is situated in such a way that laying on your left side helps move things along."
- Drive_Academic
"Same. Did it for years before understanding the reasoning why."
"Sometimes I can only burp if I lean up and to the left as well. When I was very young, I just told everyone I had a leaky chamber."
- PoopedACreature
"Yeah, this one's a good tip, which I also follow. Any of you who suffer GORD or similar can use use this to take some of the edge off the burning too."
"Doesn't always work, of course; but I'll say anecdotally that I've suffered severe GORD my entire life, and sometimes just moving into this position is the only thing that brings any kind of relief, even if slight or brief."
- EafLoso
Clean As You Go
cleaning GIF
Giphy
"Wash your bowls, spatulas, and so on while you are cooking. After supper you will have hardly any dishes to do."
- butter00pecan
"YES. My dad swears by this, the 'clean as you go' strategy, thus I use it in my daily life even at work and not just in the kitchen."
"My mother is a ‘leave all the dirty dishes in a pile and clean them after the food starts to cook’ human"
- cyaveronica
"I do a lot of this while I'm waiting for the food to cool down before I eat. So much nicer being able to enjoy a warm meal knowing there's no cleanup afterward."
- pmw1981
"Also accept that you will clean your kitchen every day. It's just a law of physics."
- freehatt2018
One, Two, Three ...
"If you go into another room and forget what you came for, next time start counting in your head as you are getting up to go to the other room."
"You can think about other things but for some reason the counting keeps the original thought tied to it."
- whyunoletmepost
"I’m going to have to give this a try!"
- i_liek_games
"I did it all the time, I called them trigger points, basically recount your step so your head trigger and help you remember what you were doing in the first place."
- K2P2C
Save The Zipper
"I had a pair of jeans where the zipper wouldn't stay up."
"I put a keyring through the little hole in the zipper and hooked it around the button. Zipper stays up and the keyring is hidden behind the fabric that fastens over the button."
"Saved me buying a new pair of jeans for a while. I hate buying jeans, they're the worst clothing to go shopping for."
- Random_Guy_47
"this is great!"
- Cute-Connection
"Elastic band works too"
- otisreddingsst
Let It Go
"I abandoned my ego about 11 years ago."
"Life has been immensely easier since then."
- drallafi
"100%. The easiest thing to do in life is to sometimes just say sorry or not have an ego about things and everything goes smoother."
- Latifi_WDC_2023
"So true. The focus returns to just what needs to get done in life/work/school without the ego clouding or triggering a lot of baggage."
- jesucont01
Don't Shed A Tear
world onion GIF
Giphy
"When dicing onions, cut it in half and peel the paper then rinse it good. No tears."
- No-Return-3368
"5 - 8 sec microwaving the half onions do well, too."
- Fakedduckjump
"Didn't know that, nice."
- No-Return-3368
Opposable Toes
"You can pick up relatively anything with your toes instead of bending over."
"Yes I know it’s weird but it actually helps a lot whenever you have back issues"
- Creative-Sun2453
"And pregnancy!"
- Hrager333
"I do that, my family looks at me weird tho"
- Blister999
"Everyone that lives with me collectively agreed that I do not have feet, but rather four hands."
- Jexify
"This is a good one, I often use this especially when picking up clothes that have be put into the washing machine or something falls down and your hands are not free."
- Fakedduckjump
Friendly And Silent
Happy Stephen Colbert GIF by The Late Show With Stephen Colbert
Giphy
"Let people talk and sound friendly they will always let out more than they are willing."
"Also always start a negotiation with a positive with the other party, then you start working your way through more sensitive terms of your soon to be agreement."
- Much_Committee_9355
"Also, make use of silence. Lots of people will be keen to fill the silence by saying something (anything!) which can give you an advantage."
- 365Anonymous
"I work in an inspection and enforcement role and I have had great success with this. I am friendly and personable by nature but also as a rule. I ask open ended questions and let people talk. They will inevitability keep talking and give me all the info I need."
"I was on an inspection recently and the employer had a work term student who came along. I told him that people will almost always tell you what you want to know, you just have to give them the opportunity. It's an easy job, listen and take notes, the workers will tell you what is wrong"
- Agile-Guarantee-7206
"Same thing I work in a very nieche part of the legal word, which mainly deals with contracts and maneuvering and expediting things with state institutions, while I was an intern through a lot of frustration and the express course from my coworkers I sort of started developing and honing this skills, which made life 100 times easier."
- Much_Committee_9355
Electric Kettle For The Win
Celebrity Masterchef Omg GIF by MasterChefAU
Giphy
"When I'm cooking, I'll boil the water in the electric kettle and then add it to the pot, so I don't have to wait as long."
- Competitive_Ruin_370
"Another step to this is adding a bit of water to the pot and heating it as the kettle boils. It means that the pot is hot when you add the water from the kettle and usually goes straight back to boiling"
- Craunch_the_Marmoset
"I started doing this a few weeks ago! A lot faster"
- poopycactus
P.E.
"Exercise and eat well. An hour a day makes the other 23 SO MUCH INSANELY BETTER."
"I’ve been in amazing shape, then I had some medical stuff knock me down into depression/drinking/doordash every day and got fat as hell. Everything hurt. I slept like shit. People, men and women young and old treat you so much worse when you’re unattractive it’s ridiculous… snapped out of it, got back in shape, felt like myself again, body feels amazing, strangers are nice again."
"I’ve been the same person in both physical states. There is absolutely no comparison whatsoever. Life is much, much, much better as even a moderately fit person. It’s bizarre how much it effects your day to day social interactions with strangers"
- [Reddit]
"This was my cheat code when in therapy for depression and a restrictive eating disorder. I realized that even a short walk around my building complex boosted my mood a little, and that little could be enough to actually brush my hair or eat something decent. Some days were truly so awful that I couldn't bring myself to do even that, and I reached out to friends or neighbors who were kind enough to knock on my door and get me on a walk."
"For a while, cardio was one of the biggest weapons I could use against my condition, and afterwards I thought of it as just something I do a few times a week as preventative treatment."
- setsurenka
Proper Search
"Actually understanding how to use google search engine."
"first tip. if you're looking for a specific quote, keyword or company and want to find only the reddit results type in first:"
"site:reddit.comthen you add in your actual query. It would look like this:"
"site:reddit.com what is a real life cheat code you use?"
"And you will be able to find this answer more easily. Google has a large variety of filtering tools to allow you search more effectively."
- filthyburrows
"You can honestly simplify it to just 'search term reddit'. So if I want to see what reddit thinks of a movie I'll do "the avengers reddit" and if I'm mostly getting memes might refine it to 'the avengers review Reddit'."
- PillowcaseGhostie
Efficient Commute
Bike Drive GIF by Bosch
Giphy
"I ride an ebike to work. I save money. I am in better shape. And because I don’t have to go to the gym to get cardio, I save time too."
"My commute is kinda far at 8 miles one way, so the adult helps with the time and sweatiness."
- Victor_Korchnoi
"I don't know how people pull this off TBH. I get a collar of sweat walking out to the mailbox sometimes. Not horribly out of shape or anything, I just sweat a lot."
- kylew1985
"The eBike helps a lot. You still sweat, but the 20 mph breeze evaporates it. Works better in drier climates, but I’ve been pretty happy with it in New England."
"Also, have a rack to put your bag. Wearing a backpack will keep you back sweat from evaporating. And finally, wear breathable clothes."
"That can mean wearing workout clothes & changing or I like to wear shorts that look like dress clothes but are made of breathable materials."
"I’m a notoriously sweaty dude, and it’s worked for me here and in Arizona."
"Somewhere like Miami might be different though."
- Victor_Korchnoigeico_fire
AM Errand Run
"If you can, go run your errands at night. All the stores you have to go to? Do it at night.
No people, no road anxiety, just you getting shit done in (mostly) quiet. The only things I go out in the daytime for are doctor's and dentist appointments."
- geico_fire
"i would not recommend this to anybody that isn't a man or at the very least cant physically defend themselves"
- xanxbar
"As a woman, I've found that if I shop before 9am, I feel completely safe. And most people dont want to be up that early so the stores are mostly empty and I dont have to stand in absurdly long lines to buy my groceries, gas, or fast food."
- kleigh1313
"i work nights so i too do most of my shopping in the mornings and can confirm the lines are almost non existent"
- xanxbar
"Fair. It depends on where you live. I live in a city where the downtown area is sketchy and full of druggies, but all the big-box stores are about 5-10 minutes away in a (generally) safer area. Haven't gotten attacked yet and I'm a woman. But other areas are far more dangerous regardless of store placement."
- geico_fire
Two Out Of Three
"Neil Gaiman's trio:"
"Submit quality work"
"Submit work punctually"
"Be pleasant to communicate with"
"...you only need two out of three."
"Over my academic career,"
"I've submitted absolute dogshit, but it was on time and I was polite about it."
"I've submitted requirements really late, but it was good work and I was apologetic about it."
"I can sort of ignore messages and be blunt in communication as long as I submit good work on time."
- NoStressAccoun
"Pretty much every professor has allowed me to submit at least one late assignment because I'm polite and participate class"
"I had one professor for 4 semesters and got As in all his classes. I had him for one more class a year later and was like 'Hey I know this assignment is 3 weeks late but I'm gonna go ahead and submit it now' and he was just like 'yeah that's cool' and gave me full credit"
- NoThorNoWay
"My dad used to quote a variation on that regarding buying products/services:"
"You can get it quick"
"You can get quality"
"You can get it cheap"
"Pick 2"
- LorenzoStomp
"I agree with this but I feel like punctuality outweighs the other factors in certain situations where the proctor is anal. I’ve experienced many situations throughout my degree in which I couldn’t submit assignments 10 minutes past the deadline even though the quality was great and I was as nice as I could possibly be."
"Although that’s pretty situational. Usually proctors aren’t total d*cks."
- Poiuytgfdsa
"I’ve gotten a 50% raise doing exactly this in my first year after graduation. It really works and it’s really easy, as long as you have integrity."
- GetInMyBellybutton
Night Hydration
saturday night live drinking GIF by globaltv
Giphy
"Drinking water before you go to bed on a night out is the only way to prevent or diminish an inevitable morning hangover, especially useful if you work early."
"You're hangover is the result of you being dehydrated, you don't need to drink a gallon, even just a pint will save you from a day of headache hell"
- LynxZealousideal3344
"If you foeget drinking more than normal at breakfast also works just fyi"
- RelativeStranger
"I really don't think it works as well, as a seasoned drinker I can say drinking before you go to sleep works much better"
- LynxZealousideal3344
"You are right, it doesn't. You get the morning headache. But it doesn't last all day"
- RelativeStranger
"This is true. Also if you're going straight to sleep after there's no point drinking more than a pint cause apparently your body can't process that much water at once so most won't be absorbed anyway."
- JamieTeatime
We may not be able to use video game cheat codes, but if you're nailing it at life and have a cheat the rest of us can use, share it in the comments.
Please? Seriously, 2022 is a mess and we need all the help we can get.
Every now and then, a friend of ours might say something, or we might overhear a complete stranger say something that makes us stop in our tracks.
More often than not, what we can't believe we just heard is something so ridiculous, we can't help but put the person who said it in their place.
Other times, however, what we just heard might have stunned us silent because of how shockingly clever it was.
Resulting in our not wanting to scold or yell at someone, but rather give them a handshake.
Redditor SubmergingOriginal was curious to hear the sharpest and wittiest things they've ever heard, from friends and strangers alike, leading them to ask:
"Enough with the dumbest; what is the wittiest thing you've ever heard someone say?"
Don't Give Me So Much Credit...
'I was on a team at work that was on a project working insane overtime."
"One night after an 80-90 hour week, we were all sitting around the table trying to finish up so we could go home."
"Around 11, my buddy's wife called, dubious about the hours he'd been keeping."
"We heard her through the line - 'are you cheating on me?'"
"Exasperated, he looked at our boss, then replied 'honey, if I was cheating on you, I would have been home by now'."- lionbatcher
Eternal Optimism...
"Asked a blind guy if he'd been blind his whole life."
"He said 'Not yet'."- Feeling_Mode_6465
Free time Isn't The Only Thing He Has On His Hands...
"My brother got a vasectomy and when the doctor was releasing him and giving him instructions (with the nurse listening in), one of the orders was to 'come back and have a follow-up appointment after you’ve ejaculated 30 times'.”
"Without missing a beat my brother asked 'what time do you open tomorrow?'”
"The nurse couldn’t keep it together after hearing that."- UtahUtopia
Awkward Season 8 GIF by The Office
Giphy
Double Whammy!
"My pal uses the phrase 'he doesn’t look strong enough to carry information' and it cracks me up every time."
"Calling someone stupid and weak in one fell swoop."- JennyW93
Can't Hide Your DNA...
'Whenever I jokingly insult my mum, she says 'that must be where you get it from'."
"She cracked the code."
"I can never offend her without offending myself."- JennyW93
Self-Sufficient!
"My brother was a line cook at a New Orleans restaurant."
"My mom was in town, staying at a fancy hotel, and he stopped by after work, still wearing his kitchen whites."
"He was reading a newspaper in the lobby waiting for her to come down when the shocked lobby manager sputtered at him, 'MAY I HELP YOU!?!?'
"He answered, 'thanks, but I know how to read',” and went back to his paper."- jobrody
Morph Current Affairs GIF by Aardman Animations
Giphy
A Miracle!
"My brother-in-law’s comment."
"The entire family went out for my mother’s 80th birthday and after the meal we all went to a local park, largely occupied by the elderly, to rest."
"My mother needed crutches at this point, and they were resting against her bench."
"My 10-year-old niece, who looked like every starving waif image from Dickens, grabbed the crutches and started hobbling round the park."
"All the OAPs were following her progress with looks of pity until my brother ran up behind her, and kicked away the crutches."
"There was an audible gasp from round the park and then my niece picked the crutches back up and started chasing my brother, clearly intending to hit him."
"In the confused silence my brother-in-law’s voice rang out 'Praise be! She can walk again!'"
"We still think this was the highlight of the birthday celebrations."- DdraigGwyn
Still Legal, Whichever Way You Cut It...
"I picked up my pleasantly tipsy boyfriend from a nightclub."
"We were stopped by the Police for a random breath test."
"They asked me my age, and I said, 33."
"My bf blurted out '33? You told me you were 22'."
"Police just laughed and let me go."- Aggravating-Corgi379
Music Video Police GIF by Andrew W. K.
Giphy
A Bit Too On The Nose?
"Business law class in college years ago, talking about the issues that black Americans had before the Civil Rights."
"Amendment, trying to travel through the south with the discrimination so rampant, trying to find restaurants to serve them and decent lodgings."
"My instructor was posing a hypothetical: 'So you pull up out front of this place, you're exhausted from driving for hours, and you see the sign out front says 'Ku Klux Klan Motel'."
"'What would you expect to find there?'"
"Without missing a beat, from the back of the room came this gem: "'Extra sheets in every room?'"- NedsAtomicDB
Not Yet, Anyway...
"I was working with my friend and his dad."
"My friend (26) heard an ice cream truck near where we were working."
"He asked his dad if he could have a couple dollars."
"His dad asked, 'what for?'"
"My friend told his dad that there was an ice cream truck in the neighborhood, and that they were playing music."
"My friends dad told him "'They don't charge anything to listen to the music'."- tatersalad1234567890
Words Escape You In The Literal "Heat" Of The Moment...
"A friend of mine is a teacher and her husband is known for his wit."
"She told this story to him:"
"One day at school a kid took the hall pass and returned reeking like smoke."
"She asked the kid if he’d been smoking and he denied it over and over."
"She was about to send him to the office when she noticed smoke coming from somewhere."
"She told the kid and he realized that he didn’t put his cig out completely and it was burning in his pants pocket."
"The kid noticed and frantically tried to put it out and someone finally poured water on it."
"Her husband sat listening to this with a weird look on his face."
"She asked him what was wrong."
“'What’s wrong???'"
"'This was probably the only chance you’ll have in your life to say literally, ‘liar,liar, pants on fire’ and you missed your chance'."- Luder714
On Fire No GIF by PEEKASSO
Giphy
Amazing What You Might Say A Few Drinks In...
"When I went to a renaissance faire once, I went to a beer tent and ordered a Newcastle Brown Ale (seemed the most fitting for the surroundings)."
"The beer wench, without skipping a beat, said, 'Everyone wants a Newcastle - no one wants to remodel!'"- jayhof52
Read The Room People!
"My dad wiped out when skiing down a mountain and lost a ski."
"After a few minutes of hunting for it, he gives up, slings the one remaining ski over a shoulder and starts walking down the mountain in his ski boots."
"About half-way down, another skier stops and goes 'Gee! Did you lose a ski?'"
"My dad instantly replied 'No, I was out for a walk and found one!'"- PeterJoAl
There's a reason your mother always told you to "use your words".
As clever remarks can have a much more lasting effect on people than a push or shove.