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Adults With Step Parents Younger Than Them Reveal What It's Really Like

Adults With Step Parents Younger Than Them Reveal What It's Really Like

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The "traditional family" dynamic has changed drastically over that past few centuries, and sometimes it can get a bit uncomfortable. Take it from these folks who have a step parent that is their age or younger. Awkward, or maybe not?

HotPocketPotato asks: Redditors who have a Step-Father/Mother younger than them, whats your story?

When things got a little dangerous

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I found out my dad died because he stroked out while in a motel with someone younger than me. This was (to our knowledge) the third time he'd cheated in a long term relationship, and he was already married to someone 20 years younger than him. None of this really affected me because I knew he was a POS for years.

he's all over the place

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The story is simply that my father is an irresponsible creep. It was just the two of us when I was growing up, but he made it clear he was resentful having to take care of me. He's in his 60s. I'm 34, my older half sister turns 40 in a few days. My youngest half brother just turned 2. I'm sure I have siblings I don't even know about. His current wife is maybe 30 and by far the oldest woman he's ever been with. He cheated on his last wife with her. His last wife was 19 when they met (I was 17). But that was better than his previous girlfriend before that, who was a few months younger than me, and I was 17. I always make sure that his baby mamma's know that I'll always be there for them and their kids when he leaves, because he's GOING to leave. It's interesting watching how surprised they are when he does.

Trashy dad

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My dad is 71. 6 months ago he left my mom for a 25 year old. I'm 33 and my sister is 28.

His new girlfriend is 6 months pregnant. They're not married because my parents divorce hasn't gone through yet, but i guess once that happens I'll have a step mom who is 8 years younger than me and a newborn half sister.

This will be my dads 3rd marriage. The first one ended because he slept with his brothers wife.

So the story here is, my dad is trashy.

When dad likes the babysitter

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My parents married young, as was typical in the 60s. A decade into it he was screwing our babysitter. He eventually left our mom and married her. That only lasted a few years. Dad then played knight in shining armor to a succession of young women 'down on their luck', 'on the outs with their parents', 'raising kids on their own with no other help', etc. Same pattern over and over. Swore he wasn't screwing them but who knows. They were always about the same age - early twenties - no matter how old my dad got, or how much older we, his children, were compared to them.

When it's for the best

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My mom jokes that I always dated older and she always dated younger so it was bound to happen. We actually made a pact when I was twenty that I wouldn't date anyone older than her and she promised she wouldn't date anyone younger than me.

The only really weird thing is watching our husband's interact. They are serious best friends whenever there is a family get together. If we can't find one we look for the other. There isn't a cookout or birthday party where they decide to give each other piggyback rides or cake eating contest or something silly and fun. My favorite thing is when my husband yells "You aren't my real dad, you can't tell me what to do! ". They are goofballs.

Control freak

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Okay, so my dad loves controlling people. He was really abusive to me growing up, I'm sure if you need any stories, just dig through my history.

He used to always go on about wanting a Chinese wife because she'd be really grateful and meek enough towards him that he wouldn't get any arguments or independent thought from her unlike an American/English wife.

Well not long after declaring the above, he met and married a 21 year old Chinese woman (he's late 50s). I was 23 at the time. The way he treats her in public is revolting, he is so condescending and talks real slow and firm like someone would to a toddler. He tells her off and calls her names.

It was so sad to see, I don't know for sure but she may have left him as, when I was last in contact with him, he never brought her with him or spoke about her.

When you don't trust her

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I'm 34, my dad is 65 and he's in a relationship with someone who's 26 (so 8 years younger than me).

They've been together for 3-3,5 years and are happy together, and I'm happy for them.

At first it was a bit awkward for me, up to the point that it took me a half year before I decided to meet them together (at first I just met with my dad alone every week). I was mainly worried about my dad (still am, a bit), he came out of a long relationship that went really bad (got cheated on after 8-9 years) and he had a really rough time with it. So I was scared he would end up in the same depression if this one went bad as well (not because of cheating, but the age difference eventually could catch up to them, as an issue).

That's not how this works...

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For about a year when I was 18 and my sister was 20, my 50 year old uncle started dating a 18 year old.

I will never forget when she was driving me and my cousins to a concert and she treated all of us including me like children. I at one point had to say "I've dated women older than you, please stop referring to me as a child."

is she a gold digger or something?

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I'm a guy, 23. My dad is 64, was 40 when I was born, and last year he married a woman who was 22 at the time.

When your uncle is a baby

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Dad is a serial monogamist. He has been married 4 times. This last wife is 5 yrs younger than me. She is 25. My dad is 52. She gave birth to my brother last year which resulted in an interesting conversation with my kids. Me showing my 6 and 5 yr olds a picture of their new uncle. Me: look guys this is your new uncle isnt he cute? Kids: thats not an uncle THATS A BABY! (caps are accurate) Smh She is young and acts like it. But its his life. It makes for weird genealogy talks with others but thats all.

When no one is happy about it

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After my mom and her 2 sisters had graduated from high school, my grandparents got divorced. A few years later my grandpa married one of my aunts friends from high school. According to my mom, it was a real big deal that had a lot if people talking and pissed off. My aunts all hated her instantly, and one of them even did the ol "put sugar in the gas tank" thing. Oddly enough as it may seem, My grandpa is still married to her, and my step grandma is a pretty cool person. Everyone seems to get along now. Unfortunately my grandpa has dementia pretty bad right now, and my step grandma is pretty diligent about caring for him so I have a lot of respect for her. (My grandpa doesn't even now who she is anymore.) It's been an interesting story I suppose.

The imported marriage

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I'm 27 and my stepmom is 26. My dad (54) brought her over from the Philippines and they've been married for almost 2 years now.

It was definitely different at first, though I didn't have much room to talk considering I've known a couple older gentlemen in a very biblical sense. I was most worried about my dad getting hurt or taken advantage of. They just didn't seem to have much in common other than they both like to watch 90-day fiancé.

you never know where you will find love

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My dad is married to a 25 yr old waitress. I am 26. When I was 18/19. Me and my family used to go to the place she waited at and every time I would silently pray we were going to seated in her section (because I had a huge crush.) My dad would always be a dad and drop some dad jokes, waitress style. I always thought she was laughing at these jokes to be polite, turns out she thought they were genuinely funny. They got together 5 yrs ago. He still goes to the same place to eat, and she's still his waitress... the jokes are worse now though.

We need a map to follow this one

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My mother is the young step-mother in this situation. My mom was my dad's third wife, and my older-half sister is only two years younger than my mom. While my parents were married, my mom and half-sister were best friends. It somehow helped that they were close in age and my half-sister liked my mom better than our dad. When they had kids at the same time, it strengthened their bond more.

Now I'm close with my niece, who is older than me. She looks more like my full-siblings than I do. My full-sister and niece look like twins.

Pizza Hut does a lot more than just serve food

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My dad, my mom and my (now) stepmom all worked at Pizza Hut together. My stepmom also lived across the street from us (I was 8?) My mom and dad split up, my dad slept with my stepmom, knocked her up, got back with my mom 6 months later and knocked her up, then went back to my stepmom. This is why I have a half sister who is 6 months older than my full brother.

This girl will take anything that is available on the menu

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My younger sister had a concert date set up with a guy but he called and said last second that he set up other plans. It's a small town and his dad just happened to be at the same bar as my sister and she invited his dad instead. It's been almost two years and they have a baby together now. So he flaked on her, and she made him her stepson.

That's going to cost you

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How about similar age? Dad married a woman 30 years younger than him. She was barely 2 years older than my big sister. He had younger girlfriends ever since his divorce, so I never really thought it out of the ordinary. She had met him about 7 years previously when he visited her country. When they met up again, she was recently widowed from another American. When Dad married her, Immigration was ALL OVER THEM. Dad was suspiciously mute about the entire situation. I suspect she married the other guy to get citizen status and then he up and died on her leaving her status precarious. It took $1000s in lawyer fees to get them to leave them alone. We really did not think the marriage would last... it has been 25 years. He is 86 while she is 55. He is frail, with asthma, diabetes, COPD and a heart condition. She is resentful, catty and works all the time. You know that saying "You made your bed, now lie in it" ? That is how I feel

Should he be turned in?

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I know a family that adopted a girl, aged in between the two biological boys. When the adopted girl turned 18ish the father ended up together with the adopted girl. I have never got a chance to talk to the older biological boy, when this all happened high school was over and everyone moved on. Always wondered exactly how he felt about the whole situation

Old Wives' Tales People Still Believe For Some Reason

"Reddit user the_spring_goddess asked: 'What is an old wives tale that people still believe?'"

Close up of an owl tilting their head to side, looking bewildered
Photo by Josh Mills

The old wives' tales.

They are the stories of legend.

I think we all need a big DEEP Google dive though.

Where did they originate?

WHO ARE THE OLD WIVES!

You don't hear about them as much anymore.

It's like science and logic are suddenly a thing.

But they sure are a good way to keep your kids and their behavior in line.

Redditor the_spring_goddess wanted to discuss the tall tales we've all been fed through life, so they asked:

"What is an old wives tale that people still believe?"

"Wait an hour to swim after eating."

What a crock!

So many summer hours wasted.

I want revenge for that one.

Say Nothing

Giphy

"An undercover cop has to tell you he's a cop if you ask him."

LonelyMail5115

"Pretty much most advice when it comes to cops are old wives tales. I’m not even a cop but most of the advice you hear is pretty off."

I_AM_AN_A**HOLE_AMA

Say Something

"That you have to wait 24 hours to report someone missing."

Severe_Airport1426

"I really think this one is important and should be the top regardless. As it’s a piece of advice that needs to be relearned and the only way to do that is through awareness."

crappycurtains

"This used to be true. I think they changed it after some guy named Brandon went missing back in the '80s or '70s. You used to have to wait 24 hours if the missing person was an adult because they had 'a right to be missing' and then everyone realized that was stupid and stopped doing it."

AlbinoShavedGorilla

Body Temps

"That drinking ice cold water after eating oily foods will solidify the oil and permanently remain in your body. I informed my coworker that if your body temperature ever reached that point, you’d have bigger problems than weight gain."

chriseo22

"Oh, I have a cousin who 100% believed this. One of those guys who believed every early 2000s internet rumor and old wives tale. One night I chugged a big glass of ice water after dinner and he started freaking out and saying my guts were gonna harden."

"I sarcastically told him to drive me to the hospital if that happened. Obviously, nothing happened and the next morning I said something like 'Thanks for being on standby in case my guts filled with hardened oil.' He just walked off muttering under his breath."

apocalypticradish

Arms Down

"When I was pregnant, I was told by young and old alike that I should NOT raise my arms above my head or exert myself in such a manner because it could cause cord strangulation to my unborn sons and daughters."

Fatmouse84

10 Years Actually

Unimpressed Uh Huh GIF by Brooklyn Nine-Nine Giphy

"Chewing gum stays in your stomach for 7 years."

REDDIT

"I remember accidentally swallowing a piece of gum when I was a kid in like 1995 and just accepting my fate like welp, gonna have this in my stomach til high school I guess."

Gecko-911

I was so afraid to sallow my gum when I was young.

This tale is haunting.

High/Low

Hungry Debra Messing GIF by Will & Grace Giphy

"You can tell the sex of the baby by how you carry."

LeastFormal9366

"Pregnancy certainly wins awards for the most old wives tales. So much absolute BS was repeated to us by everyone we talked to."

IllIIIlIllIlIIlIllI

The Cursed

"If you’re a woman and you wear opal jewelry but opal is not your birthstone (October), you’ll never be able to have children, or will be widowed, or just generally have bad luck or something. You can counteract this by having a diamond in the same piece of jewelry as the opal, though."

"I have a nice opal ring that my parents gave me years ago, and I’ve had other women give me this 'advice' unprompted more than once when I’ve worn it. I have absolutely no idea where it started, but I’m pretty sure this little chunk of silicate rock has no concept of what month I was born in, let alone of how my reproductive organs work."

SmoreOfBabylon

Stay In

"Going outside with wet hair will make you get pneumonia. Or an earache. Or maybe arthritis. Depends on which old wife you listen to."

"Jokes on them - I haven't blow-dried my hair in decades and usually leave the house with wet hair in the morning. On winter mornings, the tips of my hair get frozen. No ear infections or pneumonia or arthritis yet."

worldbound0514

Dreams and Facts

"You never make anyone up in your dreams you've seen everyone in your dreams somewhere else before and never make anyone up entirely."

"How would you possibly prove that to be true? My partner adamantly believes this and tells me this 'fact' whenever I have a dream about someone I've never met before."

mattshonestreddit

"My late wife used to tell me that before she met me she would have dreams of standing at an alter on her wedding day but could never see the guy's face, no matter how hard she tried. After meeting me the face was filled in with mine. Don't know if it's true but one of those things I like thinking of every now and then when I miss her."

Darthdemented

Cracked

Getting Ready Episode 2 GIF by The Office Giphy

"Some people still believe cracking knuckles causes arthritis."

Choice-Grapefruit-44

"There's a doctor (Donald Unger) that cracked his knuckles a couple of times a day for 60 years, but only on one hand, just to prove it. Both hands remained exactly the same."

MacyTmcterry

I love my knuckles.

Do you have any tall tales to add to the list? Let us know in the comments below.

lottery tickets
Erik Mclean on Unsplash

A lot of workers daydream about some day winning the lottery and being able to say goodbye to their job.

Far too many workers are unhappy with their job duties, workplace dynamics or company culture.

But with a taste for luxuries like housing and food, they keep plugging away, year after year.

However not everyone feels that way about their job.

So what are these compelling careers?

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Therapist talking during session
Photo by Mark Williams on Unsplash

Some people stand firmly stand behind their beliefs that everyone would benefit from therapy and that therapy is life-changing.

It's because of the totally life-changing truth bombs their therapist had dropped during their sessions.

Curious, Redditor anonymiss0018 asked:

"What is a little bombshell your therapist dropped in one of your sessions that completely changed your outlook?"

Communication Issues

"'If you don’t have these problems with any other person in your life, why do you think you’re the problematic person in this one?'"

- maggiebear

"I love this. I have a 'friend' who I always seem to run into misunderstandings with. Every time we had a conversation, it somehow turned into a debate even if it was me talking about my day. The conversations were never easy."

"I always evaluate myself first and take into consideration his critiques. He was very good at convincing me that I was contradicting myself or wasn't good at communicating my thoughts."

"I NEVER had this issue with ANYONE else in my life. I kept trying to figure out where the miscommunication was coming from. In the end, I just minimized contact and now I don't run into this issue."

- chobani_yo

"I read this quote somewhere once (and probably have it a bit wrong): 'It's a waste of time arguing with someone who is determined to misunderstand you.'"

- Reddit

Emotional Regulation

"'You can’t control your emotions, but you can control what you do with them.'"

"At the time, I was a young adult who had learned zero healthy emotional regulation skills (only suppression and shaming) growing up, so this blew my mind."

- lil_mermaid

Tough Relationships

"'It sounds to me like you are trying to convince yourself to stay with your girlfriend. I'm not so sure it should be so difficult.'"

"At the time he said this, I remember it was like he said, 'The earth is flat.' I thought he was crazy when he suggested relationships don't need to be difficult. But eventually, I started to realize I was trying to change myself to stay with this person rather than just being who I am."

"It took me three more months to finally break up with her but from that day on, I vowed to never again abandon myself just to be with someone I had convinced myself was better than me."

- metric88

High-Stress Situation

"I was at a high-stress time, and I asked her how people live like this."

"She replied, 'Oftentimes they have cardiac events.' She said it as an urging to care for myself as much as possible."

- KittenGr8r

The End of Alcohol

"I was struggling with my alcoholism, and we were discussing how I had been cutting back."

"She asked what I would consider success, with regard to my drinking."

"I said I wanted to get to a point where it wasn't interfering with my daily life. I wanted to just be able to have a glass of wine at holiday dinners or family gatherings."

"She simply asked me why. Why was it important for me to drink at those times?"

"It was as if she'd turned on a light. Alcohol had always been a key ingredient in every family function, for my entire life. When I smell bourbon, I think of my uncle. When I smell vermouth, I think of my dad. Alcohol ran through almost every happy childhood memory."

"But, even more than that, I was very afraid of the explanation I'd have to give when family and friends asked why I wasn't having a drink. I had tried to quit before but failed. What if I admitted my problem, only to fall off the wagon?"

"When she asked why I didn't want to completely quit, it was the first time I saw that last part of the big picture. I'd be willing to drink myself to death in order to avoid being scrutinized, or judged for possible future failures."

"That was the day I quit. I've been sober since May 6th, 2017. 2,407 days."

- sophies_wish

Acceptance vs. Enjoyment

"'Accepting something doesn’t mean you have to like it.'"

"That took away a lot of my inner conflicts about situations because I could accept a situation without expending energy internally fighting against the injustice of it."

- alibelloc

Emotionally Immature Parents

"You are not responsible for your parents' emotional wellbeing. They are independent adults who have been on this earth for many more years than you."

- SmokedPears

Not So Lazy

"'Why do you think you're lazy?' Then she listed off all the things she knows I'm doing for my family, my job, and my life."

"It kind of blew my mind when I struggled to come up with an example."

"She also described family dysfunction as water. Some families are messed up in a way that everyone can see the huge waves across the surface. Others are better at hiding it, but there's still a riptide that you can't see unless you're also in the water."

"It made me realize that trying to keep the surface from ever rippling doesn't erase what is happening underneath."

- flybyknight665

The Harm in People-Pleasing

"'Why do you make people more comfortable when you are uncomfortable?' when talking about people pleasing and fawning."

- ERsandwich

Agree to Disagree

"'Stop trying to get everyone to agree. When you need everyone to agree, the least agreeable person has all the power.'"

This really changed my outlook on planning family events."

- freef

Grieve and Start Anew

"For context, I had a major TBI (traumatic brain injury), seizures, strokes, and all around not a fun brain time when I was 28."

"They said, 'You have to grieve the loss of yourself.'"

"Most people wanted me to go back to how I was. The f**ked up truth is that part of my brain is dead. The person everyone (including myself) knew died. I needed to grieve the loss of myself."

- squeaktoy_la

Multifaceted Identity

"They told me that my job and career is just a way to make money; it's not my life or identity. That took a lot of pressure off me."

- unfairpegasus

Breaking the Cycle

"They validated me."

"'You always talk about not wanting to do to your daughters what your mom did to you. You worry about it so much in every interaction you have ever had with them."

"But your children are 19 and 21 now. They are happy and healthy and they trust you because you’ve never abused them in any way. So I just want to validate for you that you really have broken that cycle of violence."

"You did that. And you should be proud of it. I’m proud of you for it.'"

- puppsmcgee74

The Grieving Process

"I was constantly bringing up how I felt like a completely different person after my mom died... like there was a marked difference between before and after her death."

"But once, she was asking about my hobbies, I got really into describing all the things I loved to do or at least used to do before I got into a deep depression."

"She was like, 'Wow, you seem very passionate.'"

"And I just sat there like, 'Well, I mean, I can't change what I like to do, they're still fun to do.'"

"And it's like she knew when to take a step back, because it was like, wow, I may be super depressed about my mom passing, but I'm still me. I'm still my passions and those don't go away."

"I don't know, maybe it only makes sense to be, but it really started getting me back on track."

- Hannibal680

Sharing the Load

"I've never really had friends. I've had colleagues and classmates and housemates and people who have hung out with me, but I never really felt close to any of them."

"And I did that thing you see on here sometimes; I stopped reaching out to see if I would be reached out to, and I wasn't, which I took as confirmation that they didn't really want me around, or at the very least, that they wouldn't mind my absence."

"I was talking to my therapist about people I'd been close to in college, and she told me to pick one and talk about him. So I did. After I shared some basic stuff like his name and his major etc., and a couple of anecdotes, she asked me what else I knew about him."

"And I couldn't answer. It wasn't really a broadly applicable bombshell, but she said, 'What else?' and I started crying because I realized that for as simple as the question was, my inability to answer spoke volumes."

"I've never had good friends because I've never been a good friend. I'm withdrawn and reserved and I always made others do the work to drag me out, without ever extending my own friendship in a meaningful way in return. If I wanted to have meaningful relationships with other people, I would have to build them."

"I'm still working on this, but I'm trying to make more offers and extend more friendliness to others in my daily life."

- Backupusername

The discoveries in this thread were incredibly touching and profound; it's no wonder these were lasting concepts for these Redditors.

It's important to keep ourselves open to inspiration and insights from others, as we have no idea how their experiences could help us, or how we could help them.

Aerial view of a church in a small town
Sander Weeteling/Unsplash

There's something comforting about living in a small town.

It's characterized by close communities where neighbors know each other by name and there is an abundance of kindness extended to others.

Gift-giving is a commonality, as is the sharing of recipes, and people going out of their way to help each other in a time of need.

The pace of living in small towns is also a striking contradiction to city life, where crowds of people go about their busy lives without much interaction.

Curious to hear more examples of what small town living is like, Redditor official_biz asked:

"What's the most 'small town' thing you've witnessed?"

These are positive examples of a tight-knit community.

Live Updates

"We have a village Facebook page. Every time the ice cream man drives into the village, the entire page goes ballistic. People send live updates of where the van is and which direction he's heading. The ice cream man has started accepting DMs so he knows which streets to go down."

– PyrrhuraMolinae

Brush With The Law

"I’m from a town of less than 2,000 people. When I worked at the grocery store there people would often drop off stuff for my family members because they didn’t want to drive all the way down to our house. I no longer live there but recently got a call from my daughter. She had been stopped for speeding and handed over her license and insurance which happens to be in my mother’s name. The officer goes 'Hey, you’re Donnie’s granddaughter! I ain’t gonna write you a ticket but I’m telling Donnie when I see him tomorrow cause we’re going fishing.' She replied 'I think I’d rather have the ticket.'”

- Reddit

Roadside Catchup

"The traffic on the 'main street' of my town is so sparse, two drivers going opposite directions can stop and talk to each other for a few minutes without causing any problem."

– anon

When things go wrong, people take notice without incident.

Bank Robbery

"A guy robbed a bank and everyone knew immediately who he was and the teller got mad at him."

– AlexRyang

"A local bank was robbed and one of the tellers told the police to bring her a yearbook from about ten years earlier and she would be able to point the robber out. He had been in the grade before hers in school."

– Strict_Condition_632

Wise Woman

"When I worked at the bank in town there was an older lady that had worked there through 5 mergers."

"She knew everyone, there was a young guy yelling at me one day. She walked out of the back and he immediately quieted. She went off about telling his grandmother that he was treating young women like sh*t. She also said that if he didn’t straighten up not one girl in town would ever marry him she would make sure of it."

– ilurvekittens

Intoxicated Local

"Town drunk was paralyzed and used a motorized wheelchair to get around. I was driving home one Saturday night and said town drunk was passed out in his wheelchair doing circles almost directly in the town square. Had to call his brother who came and picked him up on a rollback truck. Strapped him down and drove off into the cold dark night."

– DoodooExplosion

Grazing Over To The Bar

"In my former small town, there was an older guy who'd lost his license after getting a few DUIs. Every day, he would ride his John Deere lawnmower to the corner bar around 3PM and sit around watching TV and sipping his beer well into the night. Then he'd head the couple miles back home on his mower. He even had a little canvass shell he put on when it rained or got too cold."

– brown_pleated_slacks

It's not surprising how small town people behave differently than those who are from metropolitan areas.

Welcoming Committee

"I lived in a small town. When I moved there, people would ask, 'Whose house did you buy?'"

–MoonieNine

"Move to a small town. 30 years later, you are still the new guy."

– impiousdrifter

"I lived in a small town for most of my childhood but I wasn't "from there" because my grandparents weren't from there."

– raisinghellwithtrees

"Worked with an older guy, relative of the owner of the business, he was 73. I asked him if he was a local, he said 'no his parents moved here when he was two.'"

– realneil

A Busy Day

"Lived in a town of about 5,000: A woman walked into the DMV on a Friday, saw that there were 3 people ahead of her and left to come back another time when they weren't so busy."

– KenmoreToast

Who Let The Dogs Out?

"My dogs got out while i was working. the police called my niece's elementary school (she was a 5th grader) to get her to round them up and take them back home."

– mediocrelpn

"There was a small kennel behind the police station for runaways. They called us saying they had our dog, and moments later our dog showed up home. He broke out of jail."

– Worried_Place_917

While life in a small town sounds appealing, I don't know if I can ever live in one.

I'm so used to life in big cities, I think it would be quite unnerving to adjust in a neighborhood where everyone literally knows your business.

I would be paranoid.

And I'm sure the same could be said of life in the big city.

Would you consider making the switch to life in a different setting?