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Men Break Down The Weirdest Things Someone's Ever Said To Them After Sex

"Reddit user ella-es-julia asked: 'Men Break Down The Weirdest Things Someone's Ever Said To Them After Sex'"

People say the darndest things after -- and sometimes during -- lovemaking.

Maybe it's the euphoria.

Maybe it's the adrenaline.

Maybe it's the tequila.

It's always good to have a kind-hearted joke on hand or a generic compliment.

Or maybe just grab your belongings and skedaddle.

Redditor ella-es-julia wanted to hear about the craziest pillow talk stories, so they asked:

"Men of Reddit: What's the weirdest thing a girl said to you after sex?"

The weirdest I ever got was... "What city am I in again?"

Geography matters.

Morbid Much?

In Bed Home GIFGiphy

"Met girl, went on date, brought girl home, had the sex, finished the sex, laying there she says 'What would you do if I died right now?' and demanded an actual answer."

Vixxay

Meow

"Not to me, but as she walked over to the bathroom after the deed, she said 'I just did your owner' to my cat. Sexiest thing that ever happened to me."

shlanky369

"My Fiancé and I were about to start going at it when the cat appeared from under the bed and stared at me. I went, 'Babe the cat is here. I don't like how he's staring at my boobs."

"Fiancé grabbed the cat and yeeted him into the hallway with the phrase, 'Get out you weird pervert.'"

"The cat proceeded to (without his claws) smack the door over and over again while screaming for a few minutes straight. Pervert."

Trumpet6789

POP!

"'I need you to take me to the hospital. Something is now bleeding and hurts.'"

"Turns out her ovarian cyst popped. We're still together with the running joke of sex so good it put her in the ER."

DasBatt

"Ah ah ah, 2 hemorrhagic cysts ruptured, I was bleeding internally, but only a little bit. I'm still impressed by how quickly you went from a naked sex stupor to being ready and carrying me to the car. Good times."

"In the ER when they asked me what happened all I could do was shout 'we were f**kin!' through my tears. That memory still makes me laugh."

Straystar-626

Damn it's Good

"We were going at it for some time then her face went instantly from 'damn it's good' to full-on crying. I stop, ask her what's wrong and she tells me 'I can't cheat on my boyfriend, it is wrong.'"

"So this is when I learned that the girl that I met on a dating website and that I started seeing 3 weeks before and that she told me she was single had a boyfriend for over 5 years. Got her to talk more, and she told me she was on the dating website to see if there were guys better than her boyfriend so she could end up with someone better."

"This was like 20 years ago, a coworker I have right now knows her (his girlfriend is like a distant relative of hers) and I learned she had 5 different boyfriends since then, cheated on all of them except the last one (for now). She was also a cam model in secret, one of the boyfriends was a high-paying customer."

draftstone

A Binding Contract

"'Pleasure doing sex business with ya.' We then shook hands."

"Still together 5 years later!"

Tatarstan

It's nice when people who have great sex make great partners.

And it all starts with a handshake.

Sleep on It

“'I don’t usually say this but, yeah, you can stay.'"

lennyukdeejay

"Did you high-five after that? Seems like that statement called for it."

EvilNinjaX24

"This is the best one."

TomKhatacourtmayfind

Tiny Dancer

"Not really weird but I slept with this girl while backpacking Asia, she was also a backpacker. After a bit of chillin'/talking, I got up to get dressed, she looked at my flaccid manhood and said 'You're quite shy when you're not excited.' I thought it was hilarious."

fleetwoodsackk

"That's a much better way to put it. My wife, when we were just dating and had moved in together and eventually saw it flaccid just said 'Aww, it's so little.' Thanks, hun, exactly what every guy wants to hear."

striker180

Fine!

"She said 'If I get pregnant I'm keeping it.' I was dumbfounded and when I didn't respond quickly enough she got really agitated like I had hurt her feelings and yelled 'Fine! You don't have to be involved if you don't want to!'"

"We had just met that night. My condom use skyrocketed after that night."

Fullyme

"When I was a poverty-stricken college student I was banging a girl who said, 'If you get me pregnant I’ll take you for everything you own.' I said, 'All I own is my bicycle. You want that?'”

OrwellWasRight101

Amen

"Best weird compliment I ever got was 'Damn boy, you f**k like the Devil!'"

"I married her, we still goin' at it."

BeBearAwareOK

Well, these certainly created some lasting relationships... or hilarious tales to tell their friends.

Do you have any stories to share? Let us know in the comments below.

People Divulge Traumatic Things That Happened As A Kid That They Didn't Realize Were So Serious

Reddit user beesechugersports asked: 'What horrible thing happened to you as a kid and you didn’t realise the severity of it until you got older?'

Little girl covering her eyes
Caleb Woods/Unsplash

Being nostalgic for happy childhood memories is something we do from time to time as we get older.

The stresses that come from adulting make us yearn for how much simpler things were when we still possessed a sense of awe and fascination with the world that was slowly revealing itself to us before we refined our critical thinking skills.

While there are the warm and fuzzy memories of being with family during the holidays, a favorite toy, or a beloved pet, there are certain incidences from the past that are not-so-pleasant when looking back through an adult lens.

Curious to hear from strangers online about their childhood, Redditor beesechugersports asked:

"What horrible thing happened to you as a kid and you didn’t realise the severity of it until you got older?"

For children, it's all fun and games...at first.

A Dangerous Game

"I lived in the countryside in a farming town. Alongside the road my family lived on was a small concrete ditch. It was visible for about half the road and then went underground the rest of the road until it flowed out into a large canal at the end."

"I was a really thin and small kid. When I was about 9 or so my sister and I and some of her friends were playing in the small ditch to cool off. My sister thought it would be interesting to see if I could fit into the pipe that led underground. So my 12 year old sister and her friends held me by my arms and lowered me into the pipe until my hips were in. I could feel the rushing water pulling me in. I yelled at them to bring me back out. They did and then we left."

"I didn’t tell anyone about it for years and when I finally did they looked horrified. So yeah if my sister had lost her grip, I would have gone underground and likely gotten stuck and drowned."

augustus-the-first

Playing Dead

"Oof… my sister was messing with me and pretended to be dead. I thought she was kidding but I was little and not completely sure cause I hit her, pinched her, checked for breathing (those classes where EMs show you what to look for and firefighters telling you to stop drop and roll and don’t be scared of their masks REALLY paid off!)"

"So I went and dialed 911 but thankfully my sister decided she didn’t want to have to explain to my parents wtf happened so instead she got chewed out by the operator lol"

– ovrlymm

Kids get an early lesson on death.

Dying On The Job

"Our babysitter died while she was watching us when my twin and I were 3. We had no concept of death, and tried to wake her up."

"She had spilled water when she fell, and I still remember getting a dish towel to wipe it up, thinking she would be proud of how responsible I was being."

"I remember going to get our little toy pots and pans to bang together to make noise to wake her up, we had no idea what a heart attack was."

– Mushrooming247

Strawberry Ice Cream To Make It All Better

"I always remember a paramedic talking about responding to a scene where an aunt had died looking after a three or four-year-old child. The aunt was slumped on the floor but she had some strawberry ice cream around her mouth. Apparently the child had tried to feed her dead aunt some strawberry ice cream after she'd collapsed and died because whenever the child herself felt bad, sometimes her parents would give her strawberry ice cream. So she tried to help her aunt that way. That image really stuck with me."

– skonen_blades

Childhood traumas never go away.

Addiction

"It took me almost 25 years to realise that alcoholic parents aren't normal and other people have it different."

– Veeyas

"I remember asking a friend how many times they’d seen their parents drunk in their life when I was 16 or 17."

"When they said a handful I kinda knew I’d been f'ked. My dad had driven while drunk with me in the back more times than they’d even seen their parents intoxicated."

"It killed him a few years ago. Not while driving, like organ failure. People don’t notice it as much if they’re all extroverted and likeable when they’re intoxicated"

– CauliflowerThat6430

Abandoned On The Side Of The Road

"My mom admitted after she got sober that she would stop on the way home from work (an hour away) and get a 6 pack and drink 3 of the beers before she got home, then would drink a bottle of wine when she got home. She did this every day."

"My sister and I knew she was drunk, but my dad worked 2 jobs and wasn't home that much so he didn't see it like we did."

"The worst was when she drove me through the backroads at 10 PM and just stopped the car on the side of the road and told me to get out and that she didn't want me anymore. Luckily may dad was home when she got back and he came and got me."

"That f'ked me up for the rest of my life and she doesn't even remember it."

– TheGreensKeeper420

Daily Ritual

"My dad got drunk EVERY night, and his behaviour made us uncomfortable, but we didn't know it wasn't normal. He would send us to get him beers from the kitchen, and we'd gladly do it because it was one of the few things that reliably made him happy with us."

– LVL25_Lapras

These Redditors grew up in a hoarder household.

Moving The Clutter

"Having a 'cluttered house' and needing to spend a few hours carrying everything from the living room into my bedroom to make the living room appropriate for guests. I would sob and beg for it not to go into my room because I knew it would never leave, and the living room would get filled again with TJmaxx bags and garbage we don't need. Turned out a hoarded house isn't normal and it made me a pretty awful roommate to my friends in my teen years."

– plantsndogs

Symptom Of OCD

"A lot of people are unaware of the fact that hoarding is a symptom of OCD. Real OCD, and not the pop-psychology OCD that people claim they have."

"My bio-mom was a hoarder, and she had other OCD symptoms as well, everyone was expected to count the stairs as we climbed them, out loud, and one at a time, with no other options. Always monitoring the location of every person at every time (which was much harder in the 1970s than today), needing someone else to dial the (rotary) phone for them, because certain phone numbers were just "wrong," for various reasons (too many odd numbers, the pattern the dial sounds made were summoning demons, too many of the same number in a row, that sort of thing.)"

– Galaxy_Ranger_Bob

Ignorance is always bliss to a child until something goes wrong.

As a child, I was reckless and hyper and I would often ignore the warnings of my mother to dial it down a notch.

Kids, listen to your parents.

I ignored my mom when she told me to stop jumping up and down on the bed. I fell backward and slammed my head on the corner of the headboard that was also doubled as a low bookshelf.

Apparently, when your scalp ruptures, you bleed profusely. Even my mothers hands couldn't stop the bleeding. Since my dad was at work and my mom couldn't drive at the time, she had to call the neighbor and have them take me to the hospital where I got stitches in my head.

So yes, it's all fun and games until you get hurt. The consequence of refusing to heed my mom's warning is something that stayed with me and makes me appreciate all you parents out there who are doing the toughest job of all: Raising kids.

Little girl looking out a window
Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Memory can be a funny thing.

There are some memories in which every moment will remain completely vivid in our minds for the rest of our lives.

Others we might remember the context and moments from, but find ourselves a bit hazy on some specifics and details.

Some people have memories like that from their childhood, where they weren't exactly sure what they were remembering.

With a little time, as well as some context from others, discovering what these memories were is sometimes a very rude awakening indeed.

As the only way to describe these particular memories could be "F*cked up."

Redditor Specific_Dimension77 was curious to hear from people with memories from childhood which they learned in adulthood were a bit more unsettling than they realized, leading them to ask:

"What’s something f*cked up you witnessed during your childhood, but didn’t realize the severity of until you were older?"

Unknowingly Complicit...

"My dad and I used to play 'Spaceship”'and to get the spaceship started, I’d have to blow into a tube to hear the electronic beep."

"It was his DUI test to start the car before they started putting cameras in the cars."

"Glad he’s sober these days."- Expensive_Change_893

"Pretty sure when I was 7 I was an accomplice to robbery."

"I was supposed to stay the night at my friend's house."

"Her parents said we're stopping to look at a house real quick."

"I didn't think anything of the adults all black outfits."

"They were still professional."

"I did think it was odd that they had me go through the bathroom window to unlock the door, but they said the realtor forgot to give them the key."

"This was such a beautiful, wealthy home."

"They didn't take anything large, but I did notice the mom leaving with a lot more jewelry on the she came in with."

"She said she left it last time they were there."- prettylittlepastry

Sometimes Its A Blessing When A Memory Gets Foggy

"I was sitting on the couch at 5 yo when my parents started arguing and my mom threw a red book at my dad."

"Just thought it was a fight."

"Turns out it was their pre-divorce fight after my dad caught her cheating."

"Didn’t learn about the cheating until I was 16 and only recently learned it was a brick that she threw at him."- missybeputtinitdown

"To Err Is Human, To forgive Is Divine."

"One of the times my dad left he would send me beautiful letters with the envelope decorated in different cartoons and cute drawings."

"I was maybe 9 at the time and clueless."

"A few years later I realized he would decorate the envelopes to take attention away from the red 'inmate mail' stamp on it."- Smolbeanis

Sense Memory

"When I was about 12, me and dad were walking the dog, when we saw a huge fire at a house at the end of our street."

"My dad was a fireman at the time, so his first reaction was to sprint towards it."

"Naturally, I followed him."

"A crowd of people had gathered around a bus shelter nearby, so I went to see what was happening."

"On the ground was a kid from my school, I think he was 2 or 3 years below me."

"I'll never forget how badly his face and hands were burnt."

"The skin was a strange mixture of charred flesh and fresh blood."

"I just froze for what felt like an eternity before my dad found me and sent me home whilst he stayed to help."

"The kid survived, but it was years before I saw him again."

"He was horribly disfigured as a result."

"I don't think about it much, but every summer we have a barbeque, and the smell of the coals takes me right back to that evening."- Full-Cardiologist233

Privilege Check

"When I was a kid, we took a family trip to Las Vegas and stayed at Circus Circus."

"My mom wanted to get a magnet or souvenir from Caesar’s Palace, so we parked somewhere and went inside."

"I wanna say we might have parked in an area reserved for staff?"

"Or it could’ve been for guests/visitors."

"That part is very fuzzy."

"My parents didn’t care regardless and had never been there."

"When we were walking back to the car and over a sewer grate (the kind with slots) I sneezed."

"A gruff, male voice from below in the sewer said 'bless you!'"

"Being an innocent kid, I said thanks as my parents hurried my brother and I into the rental car."

"Years later as an adult, I watched a documentary about homeless people who live in the Las Vegas sewers."

"In it when they’re inside one of the sewer tunnels, their guide pointed up at a sewer grate above them and said 'you see this?'"

"'This is the parking lot of Caesar’s Palace'.”

"That whole realization that I was there as a kid gave me whiplash."- snickerdoodle_bandit

The Truth Can Really Hurt

'My seventh grade English teacher accidentally gave me a document he had written."

"It was on an old floppy disc he assumed was blank."

"It described how he volunteered with an humanitarian group in the 70's that traveled through impoverished countries and provided free vasectomies."

"They eventually trained him how to do it, and he would do them, even though he had no real medical training."

"This is not even the messed up part."

"He goes on to explain that he decides that he wanted a vasectomy and to do it himself. He then described in very graphic detail how he did it to himself."

"He even said the date, like March 1st, 1981, or something like that."

"He described in detail cutting through things, and how rubbery it felt."

"Again, not the f*cked up part."

"I thought the story was hilarious because he wrote scrotum so many times, and I was a seventh grader."

"Well, I spread the story around to my friends."

"It eventually spread to a parent, that shared it with the school."

"His wife who was also a teacher there, promptly quit."

"Their son who was younger than me, born in the 90's, also left the school."

"He kept his job."

"What I figured out much later was that his wife had cheated on him and had gotten pregnant, but pretended like it was his."

"The f*cked up part is that he obviously knew she cheated, but never told her."

"He had raised the boy as his own son."

"Once she realized he was sterile, and he's known the entire time, she left him and took the kid."

"Had I not shared that story, that kid could have lived his entire life without knowing, and that family could have stayed together."- fredsam25

The Things People Do For Money

"I was sledding with a friend and saw smoke on the horizon."

'His mom came and picked us up."

"It was my 3rd-floor apartment on fire with my mom and grandma (and others) outside in the cold."

"Everyone got out safely, but we couldn't find our cat (until later)."

"My computer and Star Wars collection among so many other things were destroyed."

"We still have the photos."

"Found out later, unknown to her, my mom's BF owned the building and had the dumb a$ manager wack a pipe so he could get the insurance $$."

"My mother has been somewhat of a hoarder since."- determinedforce

Not Trusting Others Cause No One Could Trust Him...

"My parents divorced when I was 3 because my father got another woman pregnant."

"When I was 6, my father took me and my two older sisters (10 and 15 at the time) to 'donate blood'."

"Decades later I’m talking to my mom about it and she reveals it was a paternity test, as my father didn’t believe I was his daughter."

"Test proved I was in fact his."

"Probably should have realized sooner that a 6 is a bit young to be donating blood."- miss-quiche-lorraine·

Some might say these poor people would be better off if they didn't know the truth.

But facing the truth and confronting our demons is sometimes the only way we can move on with our lives.

Even if the memories will never stop haunting us.


A group of graduating friends throw their caps in the air
Photo by Pang Yuhao

In movies and television, school reunions look like tons of fun.

Everybody attends and hilarity ensues.

But in real life, there is a lot of mystery surrounding these events.

Who plans them?

Who pays for them?

Why would anyone really go?

After decades start to pass, these people are really just strangers.

And it's also proof of aging.

Who needs other old people wandering around reminding you you're old?

Redditor Throwyz wanted to know why people chose to skip school reunions, so they asked:

"People who never went to their class reunions, why?"

My high school reunion was ok.

The sexy guys were still handsome.

That was all I cared about.

Who Cares

I Dont Care Shrug GIF by Puss In BootsGiphy

"I don’t care about the people I went to school with."

SnooLemons5609

"Same. Who cares. I stayed in touch with those I cared about. The end."

TinyNightLight

A Selective Process

"I keep in touch with the people from high school I want to keep in touch with. No need to go to a mediocre event and be judged by the others."

Leeser

"Living in the age of Facebook everyone I care about from high school knows what's going on in their lives already. Anyone I actually want to interact with I already do."

mousicle

The In-Crowd

"Didn't want to be there as a kid, so had no desire to return."

MahStonks

"This is the answer. I've skipped all of my class reunions and never regretted it."

"But one of my friends decided to go to a class reunion a few years back. He said it was amazing (or scary if you will) how quickly old group dynamics re-emerged, even 30-plus years later."

"The guys and gals who made up the 'in-crowd' back around 1988/89 had mainly peaked at 16. Everyone acted much more mature, obviously, but he said the whole affair got really cliquey really quick. Like I said, I never regretted not going."

Fresh-Hedgehog1895

Not Welcome

"First of all, I wasn’t invited. I’m still as invisible to them as I was back then. Second of all, f**k those clowns."

Sweet_Platypus4981

"LOL, me too. I wasn't invited to the five-year reunion, and I still lived in the same town! I randomly worked with an old classmate, and she told me that the official list had me under 'could not find.' It was just so hilariously petty. I considered writing a note to suggest that they simply consult the local directory for my name but decided I didn't care enough."

ChangeTheFocus

Peaks and Lows

I Know Right Mean Girls GIF by filmeditorGiphy

"I feel like reunions are for all the popular kids who peaked in high school who want to return to either gloat about how successful they are or to relive the 'good old days' if they weren’t."

ScoutJulep

The popular kids always have to show up and show out.

Even when their lives fall apart.

Irrelevant

Romy And Micheles High School Reunion Interview GIFGiphy

"Are class reunions a thing in the time of social media? We can find out everything we want from everyone we ever met should we choose to do so."

Lumpy-pad

Forget Them

"I stay in touch with my best buddies from high school and university, don't care enough about anyone else to make the effort of traveling for a reunion."

Bu**holeQuiver

"This indeed. Half of this thread is people going 'f**k those guys.' I literally don't care. Hope they're doing well in a general sense but if I wanted a follow-up, I would've gone after it sooner. I can't be ar*ed."

Hotemetoot

"Exactly the same reason for me. If I was still local, I probably would have gone, but it was not worth traveling almost 1000 miles round trip."

SharksFan1

Nightmares

"I was bullied, had my property vandalized repeatedly and permanently (my car was keyed to sh*t more than once), got in fights, had inappropriate comments made by teachers. Why the actual f**k would I travel out of state and pay hundreds of dollars for a ticket to be surrounded by those memories?"

Chaotic-NTRL

Didn't Know Most Of Them Then

"I graduated with 450 people and I didn’t even know most of them then. I personally think class reunions are for people who want to brag about how much money they have or how great their kids are. Show off the new plastic surgery. Why the f**k would I go to something like that? Later losers!"

lunalovegood17

Never Look Back

"I hated HS, couldn't wait to get out, hated where I grew up, felt like a caged animal, and my life only got better after leaving there. Didn't look back and didn't want to look back. Now 55 and retired with lots of good years in front of me."

Important_Outcome_67

"This is relatable. Plus, I already know how all of those people from high school are doing-- they're all wasting away their lives in a shitty small town, still living out the same drama from 12 years ago. And I'd rather not hear all about their latest MLM bullsh**t. Enjoy your retirement!!"

Think_Doughnut628

The Quest

"Millennial here graduated from HS in the mid-to-late 00s."

"I'm still close with a core group of friends from HS. Those I'm not friends with, but still cordial acquaintances with, I keep up with through Facebook, which I'm slowly trying to remove from my life aside from my Quest 2 and looking at cat pics and vids on Instagram."

"I wasn't very popular in high school. I have some great friends from then, but I was also relentlessly bullied. Seeing as I can keep up with the positive parts of my life from then via just talking to my friends, why go back to the people who bullied me? I don't think about them anymore, I'd rather live my life without communicating with them."

tacobelmont

Decades Past

Aging Matt Damon GIFGiphy

"I haven’t spoken to a single person from my high school class in over 20 years. I never really liked many of them back then so I’m damn sure not wasting time going to a reunion. Also I never even got an invite."

Technick83

As time passes, you care less.

Wish others well, but you don't have to know them forever.

A man laying on a bed watches as a woman enters the bedroom
Photo by We-Vibe Toys

There is a reason that Madonna's "Like A Virgin," a sexual anthem of innocence lost has resonated with the world from the instant she fell to her knees on that 1984 VMA stage to this very moment.

Everyone remembers their first time.

And their first person.

Maybe they were and still are your first love.

Maybe the sight of them can make you ill.

No matter the reaction, we remember.

That person played a major character at a turning point in life.

That's hard to forgrt.

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