In the early days of parenting, kids are perfect. You have a child who can do no wrong for those first couple of years. Broken watch? That's fine. Shattered dishes? We'll more buy, no problem. Punched another kid at the park so hard they broke their nose? Well, there we have a problem. Your opinion of your child will change at some point but all you can hope for is that it doesn't happen as it did with the following parents.
Reddit user, u/majesticat81, wanted to hear from parents firsthand when they asked:
Handling Things Like An Adult
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My daughter, the baby, the princess, the quiet one (of 4) who seemed, although very smart, like she was going to need a little more help than the rest to get off the ground... I texted her when she got home from school during the fall of her junior year and asked what she was up to, and she said, "havin a snack. just filled out the FAFSA."
!!!! OK then. I guess you're good.
How Quickly They Change
This is a bit hard to describe. When my first child was young (under 1 year old) I made a face at him. He made the face back at me. IT BLEW MY MIND.
My thought process was along the lines of... He sees me and knows that is my face AND he knows he has a face AND without seeing it he is contorting the muscles in his face to mimic my face BUT he can't see his own face!!
Anyway, now he plays xbox a lot. But that was the first time I realized he was an intelligent being.
Break Their Limits, But Don't Overestimate Them
My daughter was born with a cleft lip and palate. Pretty severe, and it affected a lot of things at the beginning. She had her first surgery one week shy of five months old. She recovered so quickly from that first surgery that her doctors were astounded, her nurses said they've never seen someone go home so quickly after the operation she had. She started eating immediately, really just wanted the heck out of there. We learned that day that we did not ever need to doubt her strength.
Six months later, she had her second surgery. It was a lot rougher on her. It took her a couple days to be able to eat, and she laid at home just whining for a couple of days. After her amazing bounce back from the first surgery, we were so surprised. We learned that time that while we could never doubt her strength, we also could never expect her to be anything more than human.
A 3-Year Old Aware Of Self-Care
My 3yo recently told me, mid cough, to worry about myself.
All I was doing was asking if she was ok.
The Language On This One...
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I am a father of 2 beautiful children. My son is my biological child, and my daughter is my step child. I first met my daughter when she was a year and a half old. Her first words to me were " who the f-ck are you?" Our relationship was always very rocky. Things happened with the real dad that super f-cked her up. I can't go into details, but it made life crazy for a long time.
She recently apologized to me for being difficult, because she had this idea of how to treat a step parent that her dad taught her. I recently gave her away to her husband and couldn't be prouder of her. I just wish our relationship was better through her childhood.
Well, That's Nice, But Also, What A Little Jerk
My son was a certifiable little sh-t. I love him but for a good long while he was a deep sighing, eye-rolling, obstinate, obnoxious little weasel. At the early teenage where he barely spoke to his father or I, I was pleasantly surprised to learn he was spending a lot of time with close neighbors of ours, an older couple with an empty nest who went to our church.
That little jerk went out and formed a friendship with the nicest people on the block all by himself. He even helped them with chores! I couldn't get the little jerk to clean his room under threat of death and he's out there carrying out another woman's trash! I was never so pleased or proud.
Lied So Casually
I was playing hide and seek with my youngest Daughter recently. My Wife was counting and the two of us ran off into the house to hide. We both hid in her room and for the life of her, my Wife couldn't find me. She did find our Daughter though. She asked her where I was. Innocently she said, "I don't know, Mommy. Let's go find him!" Took her hand and led my Wife away. I could hear her running [interference] the entire time, reassuring her Mom that she didn't know where I was, and tried to innocently redirect her from double checking her room.
When she did go back to her room and find me, my Daughter let out a [surprisingly] devious laugh and ran to me, gave me a high five and said, "Yea, Dad! I didn't rat you out! Did you see how I lead her away!?!"
We all laughed, but now we know we're going to have to really keep an eye on her. She's way too sneaky and way too good of a liar for a four year old.
Proud, And A Little Sad.
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My daughter was always "the quiet one" and "the shy one" and "we've got to get her out of her shell" "she gets intimidated to easily".
When she was 4 we moved an hour away, she changed locations for 4yo kinder (inb4 comments, in Australia) near the end of the school year so she went into a class where friendship groups were already established, she buddied up with a little girl who no one played with, for relevance to this story, this girl has a large birthmark on her face.
Within two weeks I was called into the teacher's office because "her behaviour was unacceptable". Turns out this boy (who over the year has been repeatedly picking on her friend) told her friend "I think you have the ugliest face in the world" and my daughter replied "No one cares what you think, you're not important".
The teacher wasnt overly impressed with me because my response was a very flat "But no one should care what he thinks about someone else's face" , but talking with her about it afterwards it was the point where I realised that she wasn't intimidated, she was just a listener, she told me everything this boy has said to her friend in two weeks, she took it all in, and she reacted in a way that we felt was actually appropriate.
As she's gotten older it's become more obvious that that's the case with her, she picks up on things very fast because she's always listening and taking everything in, she's not shy or intimidated.
Strong for the kids
Having a panic attack in front of my kids changed my idea of "being strong for the kids," or not letting your kids see you as anything but an authority figure. For some reason my husband is convinced we should always be happy in front of the kids, never let them see you struggle, never let them see you sick. If you're unhappy about something, suck it up and smile, that way they don't know you're upset. He always tells me to go to a different room if I'm having anxiety, mind you, this line of thinking has left me alone on many occasions during times that one should not be alone, such as during labor and childbirth.
I suffer from pretty intense anxiety, I assume it's partly hormonal and due to medical issues, and I can usually put on a neutral face and get on with whatever I'm doing while quietly panicking. He has no understanding of anxiety although I do think he suffers from it as well, in his own way. Anyway, I had a complete meltdown one day and both of my kids were so gentle, and kind. They immediately stopped what they were doing and rushed to my side, hands on my back, and told me that they would be quiet so that I could relax. It made me realize that they aren't just blobs that always need to be taken care of; they're also little people who recognize the pain and suffering in the world and that their first reaction is that of empathy.
As a child of parents that did that, I suggest you be real in front of your kids. Let the whole world in, good or bad.
My parents tried to maintain a facade of pleasantness in front of us. The principle is nice, I guess, but it backfires in the long run.
We could always tell when stuff was wrong. The anxiety creeps in and poisons the atmosphere. Bad times in our family were a slightly nightmarish time of fixed smiles and tension that couldn't be resolved because our family culture didn't allow us to talk about our feelings.
And it fed into us too. We learned that pain wasn't allowed, and kept our bad times to ourselves. It's something I'm still having to work on in my 30's.
My 3yo recently told me, mid cough, to worry about myself. All I was doing was asking if she was ok.
Maybe a different answer than what you were looking for, but I started out only wanting two kids. Wife wanted to have another, and I eventually agreed, but I wasn't super excited about it. My career had taken off, and I wasn't looking forward to all of the work that it takes to raise a baby/toddler/child.
That kid is the kindest, most loving person I have ever had the pleasure to meet. My other two kids are great in their own ways, and I know all three will be successful in their lives, but #3 has taught all of us a little more compassion and kindness.
This is my experience too! I have 3 boys, all loving, sweet, affectionate, but my 3rd is beyond. He is now 8 years old, but has always been the sweets, kindest, most loving snuggle bug. Even when he was born, they placed him on my chest and he wiggled his way up until he was buried in my neck where he stayed. He is happy, empathetic, caring, thoughtful, joyful, funny, magnetic and generous. He is the most loving human being I know.
Last year around this time, I was really struggling to figure out whether or not to keep trying to make it work with my partner, keep going to couples counseling, etc, or just call it & start the process of moving out. We all went to IKEA one evening & while our daughter (she'd just turned 7 at the time) was in Smaland (the on-site child care), we picked up some stuff for her for Christmas.
That night she came upstairs to talk to me before bed. We hadn't stashed the bag with her gifts in it well enough & she got a little peek inside. My partner (now ex) started yelling at her for snooping. Our daughter replied, "I didn't see anything! & it was all very forgettable anyway! It's okay!" My ex was like, "Wow, maybe I should just return it all then, if it's so 'forgettable'. That's really insulting." They went back & forth like this (neither of them can let the other have the last word) until I separated them & got everyone cooled off & into bed.
My ex was already at work the next morning & I was getting our daughter ready for school. She brought up the bag of gifts again & was like, "It's okay! It was forgettable!" I realized that she just meant that she'd try to forget what she saw & act surprised at Christmas, she wasn't insulting the gifts. My daughter has always had a vocabulary that kind of outstripped her ability to use it accurately, & this is FAR from the first time that she used a big word in slightly the wrong way & caused big miscommunications with her other parent. At this point, I was so used to translating that I just did it in my head automatically.
So I told her, "Okay, I understand what you're saying & I appreciate you making that effort. You just need to be careful about the words you use with your other mom. She can be kind of quick to take things personally, so it's important to stop & think carefully about the words you're using with her. Don't call the gifts 'forgettable' in front of her again."
My kiddo was like, "It must be hard to be that way. You get your feelings hurt a lot when they don't need to be hurt." I was like, "Yeah, that's true. That's a very thoughtful way of looking at it."
Then she said, "Do you have to be careful with the words you use?" I was like, "Yeah, but I've had a lot of practice, I'm used to it." She said, "It must be hard to be in a relationship with someone like that."
I was dumbfounded. It WAS hard to be in a relationship with someone like that. It was killing me. It was so hard to communicate with her about anything because my words would be twisted & misinterpreted, & I was exhausted all the time & just not talking about a million tiny things that were making me crazy because I knew they'd devolve into fights & did I really want to have a fight about a million tiny things? & then I realized that I was coaching my child, my FIRST GRADER, on choosing her words so as to not incur the wrath of a f**king adult, & I was like, WHAT am I DOING?!??!? When my ex got home from work that night, I told her it was over.
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Some scams are not so criminal and are actually legit; however, they make consumers feel as though they've been taken advantage of.
"What's the biggest scam in America?"
Some people don't think twice about certain transactions.
Hidden Concert Fees
"Surprised no one mentioned ticketmaster yet."
– hopsteiner420
"They jack the ticket prices up with tons of hidden fees."
"A ticket will be priced at $50. Then Ticketmaster will tack on all kinds of bullsh*t like 'venue fees,' 'service fees,' etc. All of a sudden that $50 ticket costs you over $100."
– jthemusician
Popular Services
"Funerals, weddings, and pretty much every other thing we blindly accept have to be insanely expensive without even thinking about it."
– jcfeej
Dealing With Student Loans
"I think Student Loan servicers. For example, Navient manages Federally guaranteed debt for the US Gov in Student loans, has the IRS as their personal collection agency."
"They constantly, I mean CONSTANTLY f'k up to the extent they get dragged in front of Congressional Hearings, and their CEO is paid $7.7M annually."
– Firebolt164
Rent-to-own businesses were mentioned a lot in the thread.
Trackers In The Merchandise
"I scrolled really far and was surprised I didn't see Rent to Own stores. They sell furniture and electronics type stuff to people with bad credit who can't really afford it, let them pay a small amount weekly."
"If people end up paying on time and pay stuff off, they will pay 2 or 3 times more than the item is worth. If they make a payment late the item is repossessed and re sold to someone else and the first person loses all the money they paid."
"There are used car dealers that do this same business model with cars too. They put GPS trackers in the car that also disable the starter. They collect $1000 down and once a payment is late they disable the car and go tow it, then sell it again and keep the downpayment."
"I worked at a shop that installed the trackers and these places would sell the same car to different people 5 or 6 times in a year because they kept repoing it."
– bgwa9001
An Insider Speaks Out
"I used to be the sales manager at my local Rent-A-Center years ago. It’s a huge scam and I feel dirty even having worked there. The worse thing I ever had to do was repossess a fridge from a single mother."
"She cried as she removed the items and kept saying 'I have no where to put these. They are going to go bad.' Another one was when i had to repossess a bunk bed from two kids. They asked their dad where they were going to sleep."
"It’s been years and I still think about it from time to time. Don’t rent from rent-to-own stores. Don’t give them business."
– MaxTimeLord
Another Testimony With A Special Message
"Same. The owner of the place I worked was a huge asshole. He went with me on this repo of a single mom that apparently he didn’t like for some reason. Same thing, it was a fridge. We get the fridge out on by the curb and it has a bunch of roaches crawling out of it."
"When we’d get TV’s with roaches we’d bag them with a fogger, vacuum them out and re-rent them. The fridge was too big for a bag and the owner didn’t want to put it into the truck. So he pushes the fridge up next to a tree, gets back into the truck and smashes the fridge up against the tree multiple times until it’s completely crumpled. I’m standing there like WTF just happened and he tells me to get back into the truck and we drive off."
"We destroyed a fridge from some lady who was down on her luck just so she couldn’t have it. Then the embarrassment of having a smashed fridge in her front yard that people were obviously going to ask her about."
"F'k you Dwayne."
– cokecan13
Cable Companies
"Cable TV/Internet monopolies."
– dan1101
"Seriously. The spectrum person that signed me up on the phone gave me a price and simply neglected to tell me it was a 'promotional rate.' Price goes up 50% after a year."
– valuethempaths
Cutting The Cord
"Comcast had such a monopoly in my area that cancelling wouldn't get you a promotion, just a simple we'll be sad to see you go."
"And after the third time putting a new plan under someone else's name to qualify for 'current promotions,' we just said f'k it and cut the cord."
"Maxed out our internet plan and it's still cheaper than the bundle they were forcing down our throat that included a landline that we didn't have a phone for."
– ultrastarman303
Paying The Price
"And Youtube TV is turning out to be the same sh{replace1}amp; different medium…. hey let’s keep jacking up the price, but let’s add on a dozen or so channels no one f&{replace1}amp;in cares about to keep everyone happy. No that did not make us happy because we’re not that dumb."
"It’s like Animal Farm."
– rigored
Some believe the biggest American scam was multi-level marketing (MLM).
Dodging A Bullet
"A few years ago my husband was keen on the idea of buying a franchise. He came across a scheme he thought was promising and asked me to go with him to meet the people selling it. As soon as we sat down my gut feeling was RUN, but being polite people we sat through their spiel. On the surface it seemed legit, but for me the absolute killer was when they started spouting on about how the big boss has bought a helicopter and how cool it would be for us all when we can do that too."
"They were very pushy, but I’m equally stubborn and held firm that we needed to think about it. As soon as we left I threw away the brochures and crap they’d foisted on us. Had a few emails and calls, but ghosted them. Husband was disappointed for a while, but then one day I was reading Reddit and came across a familiar company name."
"To this day I enjoy reminding my husband how we dodged being tied in with Herbalife."
– SoftandSquidgy
Cousin's "Business"
"My cousin is always involved in multiple MLMs and tells us all she’s a 'small business owner' and gets mad if we don’t support her 'business.'"
"Here’s the thing though. I would rather just send her a check every month so that I don’t have to be solicited with this protein shake or that skin care line. How much would it take? $50 a month? $100? Because I know she’s not making any money doing this. YET SHE KEEPS ON DOING IT!!!"
– ArhedisVarkenjaab
A popular scam in my neighborhood involves representatives from a "friendly energy" company going door-to-door and trying to convince tenants they are paying too much on their electric and gas bill.
They throw out a lot of jargon and detailed information and have a vague answer for everything.
The last time I encountered such a rep, I said I'd like to take the time to research this and I told him I didn't like being made to make a decision to upgrade my services on the spot.
When I asked for his business card, he gave a piece of flimsy paper with information saying they were "looking for newhires."
He peace'd out. And when I looked up the "service" he was offering on the internet, the information indicated it was a scam that took over your existing energy company and charged you triple the previous amount.
I dodged a bullet that day, but I definitely felt like spending time with him was a huge waste of energy.
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"What is a subtle sign that someone is really intelligent?"
The minds of really smart individuals never stop working.
Resourcefulness
"They draw wisdom from multiple sources. Wait but that might be more wise than intelligent... But I guess those two tend to be seen together a lot."
– Puzzlehead-Engineer
Inquisitive Minds
"They are curious about everything."
"To be intelligent you need to be knowledgeable and you cant be knowledgeable if you are never curious."
– soup54461
The way highly intelligent people interact with others is slightly different.
Social Adaptability
"They can switch up the way they talk to match the person they're talking to without sounding condescending. They listen to how others learn and explain it in that person's language of understanding."
– Wynonna99
Talking On Level Ground
"Talking to people as if they're intelligent at their level and without being condescending or even letting on that it's lower than their level."
"I used to work with a doctor - Tom Howard - and the day I realized he was a genius was the time he guessed every single condition a patient of mine had based on minute piece of information about him."
– Yoodei_Mon
The Humble Professor
"No joke. The smartest professor I had in engineering school was also the most humble. She was an astounding human being. By week 2, she knew everyone's names by heart in the intro engineering course. In College. With like 180 students. Later, in upper division classes, people would occasionally ask some really stupid questions."
"Like, it happens... you get so deep into some fluid mechanics derivation or something you forget something really basic. People would ask a question like this and everyone would be thinking like; 'Wow, how did you even make it this far?' but then... it's like she would spot the flaw in their understanding so perfectly, and then respond with such clarity and wisdom that the person asking the question would look less stupid and the whole class would be enlightened."
"And here's the thing... I pride myself on being really good at that exact skill. I tutored a lot of people. I was easily one of the brightest amongst my peers. But that woman was on another level. It was mind-blowing."
"And it wasn't just her intelligence, but her organizational skills, discipline, consistency.... And yet... she was so humble. She was quiet and physically quite small. But she just exuded competence and immediately commanded every room she walked into. I've never seen anything quite like it."
– EngineeringNeverEnds
A Positive Effect
"When they explain something they make you feel intelligent."
– gwoshmi
When In Doubt
"They know when their knowledge ends and say something to the extent of 'I don't know and anything else i say on this topic is ignorant speculation.'"
–blutoboy
Some with impressive IQs may deal with questions in the following ways.
Reaction To Delayed Responses
"'You really think about everything don't you?' - a doctor, to me, after he asked me a question and I took longer than 2 seconds to answer it."
"No, I just pull something out of my @ss every time and those extra seconds you waited for me to answer were purely to irritate you for my own enjoyment."
– Imakegoatnoises
The Really Good Questions
"They can ask really good questions."
"Edit: to anyone not understanding what mean, I’m talking about people who ask 'really good questions,' not just any questions, really good ones. I don’t know how one would achieve this skill(I know I haven’t)."
– milkmanbran
Taking Pause
"They spend time thinking before asking a question."
– ParkMan73
"Some of the smartest people don’t comment at all."
– metric-poet
I agree with many of the comments saying a really intelligent person knows how to cater the conversation towards another person's level of understanding.
They do have the impressive skill to convey something in a way that can easily be understood. Some of the most venerated professors at my university were like this, and their classes were always the hardest to get in to.
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