
Adopted families are unique. First, in how they come together to create a unit, but second, in revealing to established family their clan is going to grow. Telling friends and cousins and parents can be exciting, but telling children you already have can be a more unique experience, especially for the kids hearing they're about to get a new sister/brother.
Reddit user, u/miyahori, wanted to know about this particular circumstance when they asked:
Siblings of adopted kids, what's it like to have an adopted brother/sister? How did your parents tell you they were adopting?
"It's Just An Open Fact."
My older sister was adopted from India, but because she was adopted before I was born, I don't think I was ever explicitly told. It's just an open fact in my family.
Growing up it was a bit weird because she's definitely my sister, and I don't feel like she's any lesser a sibling just because we don't look similar, but that possibility will never even cross other people's minds if they pass us in the street. Plus, I got to see the stupid irrationality of racism up close because random people in the street or at work would tell her to "go back to where you came from".
They assume she's an immigrant or a foreigner. But she isn't. She has an Australian accent and she's my sister. She's Australian.
But I have 5 siblings total and none of us look anything alike, so she doesn't really stand out in the family. Between us, we cover all eye colours, hair colours, skin tones, and personalities/interests. We're all different, so why do her "differences" warrant being abused on the street?
"We Thought It Was The Coolest Thing."
I have two adopted siblings, a brother and a sister. After having my other bio sibs (another brother and sister), my parents thought they were done, but my mom really wanted to make a difference doing something for kids, so she started doing Foster Care when we were 15, 12 and 3. My adopted bro was one of the earlier kids to come into our home and after caring for him for about a year, and realizing he'd been up for adoption, my mom started to push my dad about adopting. He wasn't really for it at first, nothing against him, he just thought they were done raising kids, but he came around.
Us other kids were thrilled to have an extra brother. We thought it was the coolest thing. Fast forward another 5 or 6 years and we found ourselves in a similar situation. We had a baby girl my family was caring for and she was with us for over a year. Very long story with her adoption, but we added another sib to the family.
My dad's glad he came around to the idea now. He's my brother's basketball coach, helps my sister in softball, and couldn't imagine life without them.
My parents have always been open with the kids, who are 7 and 13 today, about having been adopted; it's not a secret. We've also been open with sharing information we have about their bio parents if they ask (mostly my brother wanted to know how tall his dad was because he's worried about his height). For all of us, it hasn't felt any different than having "real" family members. Family is what you make it.
If it were up to me, I'd have a bunch more adopted siblings but there is a financial component to having a bunch of kids, and as my mom puts it "We're getting too old".
"...Make Life Equal."
My older brother is adopted from South Korea so he was here about 6 months before I was born. I have never known any different. I learned he was adopted when I was 5. My parents had a running joke about me always telling people they purchased my brother from a store, because 5 year old me really thought that was what adoption meant.
The one thing i have realized now that I am an adult is that my mother tried really hard to make life equal. If she took me to get food after a doctor appt she'd take my brother the next day. If she gave me 20 bucks to go to the movies she gave him 20 bucks too. The hardest part growing up was the fact that my brother was the only asian person in almost our entire county. Small, rural Midwestern town. He faced a lot of racism growing up and it took him until he was 22 to embrace his heritage and start to try the food and learn the culture. I love him and couldn't imagine life without him in it.
"So It Just Kinda Happened..."
It all happened with us when we were very young. So it just kinda happened and we had a brother that looked different. When people ask me about it I figure that my parents did a great job because my only response is, "it's exactly like having a normal sibling except every once in a while people ask you what it's like".
"...seemed completely normal to me..."
My sister was adopted as an infant when I was five. I sort of understood it at the time. Far more than I understood when my mom lost a child when I was three. She's my sister. Period. Never been any debate about that.
Now, 40+ years later, its no different. She knows who her birth mother is and has communicated with her sisters, mostly because she wanted a medical history of her lineage before she had kids. But she's my sister, and nothing will ever change that.
It may be a little different for families that adopt older children, but for me - she's my flesh and blood, period. Love you sis.
Edit: an added note, adoption was something that just seemed completely normal to me my whole life. My grandparents adopted two girls when my Dad and his brother were in their teens. They are and always have been my aunts.
Every Situation Is Different
Oh, I was excited to respond. But all my siblings were adopted out, I'm the youngest and the only one raised by my mom. But I know all my sisters, and knew most of their families.
My oldest and third oldest and I don't talk anymore.
My second oldest sister was raised by my grandma, and we're the closest.
My third oldests' adoptive mom makes the best cheesecake?
"...a long and messy story..."
It's a bit weird at times, (not because of the adoption part) but he's 20 years younger than I am and black...so when I'm out doing things with him, we tend to get weird looks and people question if he's my brother or if my mom had an affair-or if I cheated on my husband and he's my son. But he's awesome and I love him.
When he was adopted though, my mom was an (and still is to some degree) an Nparent. I came home one day, to see my brother in his high school play. (I rarely came home in those days, because I was constantly fighting with my mom). I opened the door and this small kid was there and was like "Who are you?" and I was like "jessdb19" and asked him "who are YOU" and he was like "My name-I live here!" So my mom had adopted him and not told me about him, or him about me.
I kind of called the agency and reamed them a bit for not contacting me, because they SHOULD be contacting all siblings. Talked to the gal that was the case worker and she was...a bit surprised to hear I even existed. Had been removed from being a part of the family, since they didn't' want me throwing a wrench in the situation. My mom wanted another kid and my feelings of her could have thrown doubt, so she had said she just had the two kids.
The whole thing is a long and messy story, so I'll leave it at that.
Just Like Any Other
I have a little brother who was adopted and now I absolutely adore him! I cannot imagine our family any other way.
At the time though, it was hard to understand. He was a little older when we adopted him (around 3) and I was 10, and I'll never forget the feeling of driving home with a child after we picked him up and knowing this kid who we didn't know anything about was never leaving. It was a tough adjustment (partly because he didn't speak our language yet) for a couple years but once he settled in and got comfortable it's just like any other sibling
You'll Mess Up A Lot At First
My little brother is 11 and we adopted him from Ethiopia at 6 months old, so he doesn't remember any other family. I was 7 then, so I don't really remember anything except that I was pumped to have a baby brother. He occasionally gets really mad and threatens to get on a plane and go back to his "real mother", but only if he's super super angry. We sort of fucked up for the first 5 or so years of his life by getting him short/shaved haircuts, but someone was nice enough to let my parents know that hair is really important particularly for black guys.
He goes to a great barber now and one of my dad's colleagues (who is also black) takes him sometimes. The only hard part about having a brother who's a different race is that we have to talk to him about police brutality and such. We live in the Bay Area so there's a lot of that here, and he's old enough to potentially be seen as a "threat". Other than that, I guess it's just like having a biological brother.
Annoying, But We Love Him
My parents decided to adopt my younger brother when he was around 2 years old. Process took forever and he finally came to stay with us when he was 5. My parents obviously never had to tell him he was adopted because he is aware of this fact.
Now, it's weird to imagine my family without him. The fact that he's adopted doesn't even cross my mind.
He is, however, annoying. Really annoying. Guess that comes with the young teenage boy territory.
Different, But Ours
My older sister was adopted from China as an infant about 3 years before I was born. They had the conversation with us when I was young enough that it was never a big deal. She looked different (black hair, dark skin compared to me and all of the younger siblings red hair and pale skin) but she was still our sister.
I think they told us that when a family had a baby it doesn't matter how they get them, it just matters if they love them. My dad and his siblings are all adopted as well, and we adopted other's kids when I was older. The idea of family being based on love instead of blood is super big in our house
Just Always Been...
I have two younger sisters, one is adopted the other one is biologically my sister. I was just four when the adopted sister came into our family. It seemed completely normal at the time, never considered that it might have been unusual, and she has always simply just simply just been my younger sister (42 now).
She recently had a son herself, and it has make her much more curious about her own biological parents than she has been in the past.
From The Beginning, That's How It Was
I have a sister adopted from India. She's currently 6 coming on 7.
It's pretty much like having a sister from the beginning. After a while, you just kinda forget she wasn't always there.
We let her know she was adopted quite often, but we follow it up by making sure she knows it doesn't change the fact that we love her.
"I Honestly Can't Imagine Our Family Without Him"
My youngest brother is adopted and has been with us for 21 years now.
At the time Mum and Dad asked us if we wanted to have another baby brother and my younger blood siblings and I agreed (6 and under). We had books about adoption and we talked about it for ages. It felt nice knowing we were helping him and no matter what he is always my brother. Love him to death! I honestly can't imagine our family without him :)
"...Cool."
I've got a little brother who's adopted. He was a teenager at the time, and most of the rest of us were teenagers/adults too, so my dad just kind of told me "adopting the kid" and I said "cool". Basically the short story of what happened was that one of my other little brothers took him home to stay for a weekend as a friend. Our dad and his wife said "come back anytime". And well, now he's adopted.
He's a cool kid, he's just one of us. I'm kind of 'half-adopted' too anyway, and there are 'half-sibling' sets too, so 'siblings' to us is just sort of exactly who we want us to be.
I'm kind of 'half-adopted' too anyway,
do you mind expanding? I'm interested
I'm technically a nephew/cousin. I was never formally adopted, but my uncle (the 'dad' guy) was my guardian and they all treat me like a son/brother.
Do you come from a mixed family with adopted siblings? Tell us all about it!
When looking at a resume, it's easy to understand how prospective employers will assume someone is very intelligent based on their education and past experience.
But one shouldn't only assume someone's intelligence based on what they read.
More often than not, one can tell rather quickly that someone possesses above-average intelligence, based on how they speak, how they behave, or other telling details.
Redditor PadWanKenobi was curious to hear what people felt were the tell tale signs they were in the company of a possible genius, leading them to ask:
"What’s a sign of extremely high intelligence?"
Instant adapability
"Ability to intuitively and quickly understand complex systems and how lots of parts relate in a coherent whole."
"Like I work with some people who just keep tons of concepts in their head and easily integrate new information into their understanding of those concepts."
"They immediately know what questions they should be asking to better understand."
"And these are things they're currently working on, not like things they spent time studying in school over years."
"They just have a very strong ability to synthesize new information into their understanding."
"I sit in meetings distracted and confused having forgotten what we talked about in the previous meetings, and these folks just consistently have a solid handle on everything."- Ok-Control-787
Innate Problem Solvers
"They know when not to solve a problem."
"This took me a while to understand but the smartest people I know do this."
"It could be a really simple thing like ignoring emails from people asking for help."
"The supervisor or boss might have a quick and easy solution for the situation but instead of just handing it to the person that asked they let them figure it out on their own."
"They know who they can do this with and when to do it."
"If they did that with all of their underlings it would just create a mess."
"Another example that I can think of is planned chaos."
"Some people can predict exactly where things will go wrong and they could fix it before it creates a problem."
"They don't because nobody ever notices what's going on in the background when things are working perfectly."
"Once things fails then everybody notices and if you are the one person that fixed it you become the hero."
"They can also use then chaos to reach a goal they couldn't get before if things were working correctly."
"There's many examples of this in every day life that I didn't see before until I realized what was happening."- atapes
You know what they say about people with small hands
"If your hand is smaller than your face."- FallofTheKnight
The all knowing glow.
"When someone asks you a question and you push your glasses up while light comes out of it and covers your eyes for some reason."- JonEregor
Those giveaway behavioral quirks
"Wearing glasses and saying things like 'ah yes', and 'I see' while you pensively rub your chin."- iuytrefdgh436yujhe2
Encouraging others
"When they explain something they make the people around them feel smarter, not dumber."- redkat85
Being one step ahead.
"The capacity to understand complex things, see patterns where regular people don't."- Ostepop234
"They have this tendency to make you go 'Ohhh, why didn't I think of that?' when listening to them talk."- did_it_forthelulz
An endless love of learning
"A passion for knowledge and expanding understanding of complex concepts."
"The plumber can be just as insightful as the scholar."- KatatoniK94
Of course, one shouldn't always be fooled by what they see.
As many people are masters at appearing much smarter than they are.
In fact, one important sign of super intelligence is being able to separate those who appear smart, from those who actually are.
With each passing year of a marriage, couples will often discover that while they don't love each other any less than they once did, that spark their relationship used to carry has faded.
This will often lead these couples to look for ways to spice things up a bit.
Among the more popular experiments is inviting a third member to their bedroom.
Enticing as this prospect is, however, it's also easy to be intimidated by the reality of it, or even the mere suggestion of it.
"Men, what advice do you have for men whose wives want to bring a third into the bedroom?"
Make sure you want to do it.
"You need to be completely honest with yourself, ask if this is something you want and could live with."- Dame87
Proceed with caution
"It’s like frolicking in a mine field."
"You both better be SUPER into the idea, you can’t have one person who’s reluctantly agreed to go along with it."
"And established rules."
"A threesome sounds like fun and games until you’re watching your partner make faces and sounds that you only thought were for you in your most intimate moments together, and a burning jealousy comes out of nowhere and breaks your heart."
"I’m not saying it’s automatically a bad idea and I know people do polyamory successfully, but dear god be careful."- coleosis1414
Make sure you're an active participant
"I had an ex that was adamant that she wanted to be a swinger or whatever."
"The one time I decided to roll with it, I hit it off immediately with the other dude's girlfriend and had a blast hanging out with her all night."
"The other dude was a total creep, though."
"Also, my ex could not handle the fact that someone else was giving me the slightest bit of attention."
"So, needless to say, that didn't go anywhere."
"Turns out she didn't want to be a swinger, she just wanted to have sex with other people behind my back, which she had no problems whatsoever with."- Ted_Denslow
Look out for ulterior motives
"Just remember that if you bring this up and your husband is against it, that could be the beginning of the end of your marriage."
"For a lot of people their partner saying 'I am seriously considering having sex with other people and I'm checking with you if it is ok', is a deal breaker."- gamerplays
Consider a test run?
"Go to a bar together separately."
"Watch them flirt/interact with someone else."
"If you get jealous, it's probably a bad idea to bring in a third."
"If it turns you on, go for it."- SinSlayer
Query people with experience.
"It’s something my wife and I have talked about."
"We both agreed that opening the Pandora’s box is not the way we want our relationship to go."
"While it sounds fun, we have seen way to many relationships derailed because of it."- DarthDujo
Consider going whole hog.
"Bring a 4th."- xxemrgmi
Evaluate your relationship first.
"Make sure you and your partner are secure in your own relationship before having another person join."
"Have boundaries, and no secrets."
"From my experience it doesn't usually work out in the end."- Thick-Procedure455
Just don't!
"Don't do it."
"For a long time, my ex harbored a fantasy of watching me have sex with another woman."
"Hey, who knows why any of us are wired the way we are?"
"After contemplating the idea together for a while, we decided to approach one of her more attractive co-workers, who had made a series of flattering comments along the lines of "you're so lucky" and "he's so good-looking'."
"She enthusiastically agreed."
"Our first meet-up was of course awkward, but the second, third and following were pretty good."
"In fact they got progressively hotter, as we all got more comfortable with each other's boundaries, erotic likes and dislikes."
"However, over a few months these occasional kinky weekends transitioned into the co-worker asking more frequently and aggressively to be invited over."
"We tried to explain that we had intended these threesomes to be rare and exotic highlights in our sex life, not regular occurrences, but she didn't take the message to heart and instead became increasingly insistent, bordering on smothering."
"After being turned down one Friday, that night she unexpectedly showed up at our door anyway, carrying a weekend bag and wearing nothing but a raincoat, stay-ups and heels."
"While that was quite a sight, it definitely creeped us out, as it made us finally realize the whole arrangement was descending into 'play Misty for me' territory."
"My ex and I agreed that her unexpected and unwelcome appearance signaled the end of future three-ways, at least until we were able to cool our own selves down, reassess, and perhaps later find a less demanding and insistent third."
"Things subsequently got very sticky at work for my wife, as her co-worker, with whom she had to interact closely, strongly resented being permabanned, and kept demanding to know 'what she'd done that was so awful'."
"Coworker eventually asked to be transferred to another office, but by the time that process was over and done, the discomfort / guilt / pressure / confusion my ex was suffering both at home and at work had begun to take its psychological toll."
"I must confess it didn't help that our own sex life was simultaneously going through a rough patch."
"Long story short, we ended our decade-long relationship less than a year after breaking off the threesomes, chiefly due to trust issues and growing sexual incompatibility, both perhaps triggered by our experimentation."
"Ever since, I've regretted agreeing to that first three-way."
"If I hadn't been so damned eager to take a bite of forbidden fruit, we might have kept our relationship intact."
"But I guess this can also be put down as what sometimes happens when you ignore that old advice, 'don't sh*t where you sleep'."- theartfulcodger
When venturing into the unknown, it's always wise to gain some first hand experience, to hear a variety of pros and cons of what you're possibly getting yourself into.
That way, deciding whether or not it's for you will become increasingly clear.
It's also important to remember, that it is always ok to say "no".
People Share Their Best 'You Either Die The Hero Or Live Long Enough To Become The Villain' Experiences
"You either die the hero or live long enough to become the villain."
Though not necessarily a universal truth, all of us have witnessed unfortunate moments in our lives where we've seen this saying become a reality.
Be it seeing our favorite public figures take a serious fall from grace, someone we know and admire eventually disappointing us in a devastating manner, or even seeing ourselves turn into someone we promised we'd never become.
One Redditor was curious to hear people's examples of this saying coming to light, either from a personal experience or seeing it happen to a well-known, public figure, leading them to ask:
"Who is your example of 'you either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain'?"
Jim Jones
"Jim Jones."
"He originally stood up for civil rights when it was really unpopular."
"Was hospitalized and accidentally placed in the black ward."
"When the doctors found out, they tried to move him, but he refused."
"Then he became a cult leader and used his power and influence to end the lives of a thousand people."- Crvsby
Earning a position of power
"Working in restaurant kitchens."
"You either burn out young, or become the boss that everyone hates."
"There's exceptions, but that's the rule."- grandpas_old_crow
Henry Heimlich
"Henry Heimlich, inventor of the Heimlich Maneuver."
"Made up a bunch of untested uses for it, treating people having asthma attacks, and drowning victims were the two I remember that he publicly talked up."
"Later, he funded an experiment that involved injecting people with Malaria to see if it would treat other conditions.
"The experiment was found to be unethical by American review boards, so he conducted them in Ethiopia." - User Deleted
Philippe Petain
"Philippe Petain."
"In WW1 he led the French to victory at Verdun, one of the worst battles in human history."
"In WW2, after France was beaten, Petain was the head of state of Vichy France."
"Guy went from the Lion of Verdun to the biggest Nazi collaborator in France."- arthuranymoredonuts
Our bodies
"Every organ until it gets cancer."- SuperBaconjam
Conor McGregor
"Conor McGregor."
"He had the whole country behind him here in Ireland at one point bar people who thought combat sport is grotesque."
"He was witty, original, backing himself up and having a Hollywood like rise to stardom."
"Now he's someone who the whole country is ashamed of, goes punching old men, clearly sleeps around on his wife while she's at home with the kids, just a walking caricature of himself."
"He didn't listen to his own advice."
"Get in."
"Get rich."
"Get out."- StephenPigot2020
Turning into our parents
"My dad used to annoy me by calling my Pokemon cards 'Pokey-Mans'."
"Now my kids have them and I do the same thing and it annoys the sh*t out of them."
"Thanks for the (Pokeyman) gold!"- rumpel4skinOU
Benedict Arnold
"Benedict Arnold."
"Almost died during the revolutionary way, if I recall correctly, and if he had he would have been remembered a huge hero, and a martyr."
"Instead he lived and changed sides, and is remembered only for his being a traitor."- uniqueperson22
Be it someone we knew quite intimately, or someone we admired from a far, it is always heartbreaking to see someone evolve from someone we love, to someone we utterly hate.
Sometimes we do things that have to be done.
And some of those things live in life's gray area of right and wrong.
What comes as a surprise to some is when we don't care if we're wrong.
We may still technically be in the right.
But morally and ethically, there may be some issues.
But still, many people don't care.
Redditor BirdyPizzawanted to see who would fess up about some of the worst things we're responsible for but have no shame.
"What is the darkest thing you have ever done and don’t regret?"
I've stolen from department stores that overcharged. I was arrested. I didn't care. So there...
The Grief
"Five years ago my dad suffered a catastrophic stroke. Left paralyzed and robbed of his speech and ability to communicate he was a shell of the once vibrant, charismatic man he once was. He was moved into skilled nursing where he lived for nearly two years, he was miserable."
"On my last visit I told him it was okay if he wanted to leave us, that we would miss him but he should go. A week later I received the call that he had passed. Instead of immediate grief I felt relief. Relief that he was finally free. The grief came later and I still miss him every single day."
theroadtoeverywhere
Things Missing
"Got into a car accident and had to stay with my mom for a couple days to figure out what to do. Went back to my apartment (I had two roommates) and everything was missing from my room. Long story short one of my roommates had everything hidden in her room."
"I called and told her the things were missing from my room and she came up with a lie that a couple girls came to look at my room (I was moving out bc of the accident, long story) and that they must have taken my things. She had everything I owned. Including my grandmothers perfume bottles, stuffed to the back of her closet, under her bed, behind her dresser etc."
"So I packed all of my stuff up. Then took a giant black garbage bag and stuffed as much of her closet in it as I could. Took it to the middle of nowhere, dug a hole and burnt it. She called screaming at me that her stuff was missing. I told her the two girls must have come by and taken her stuff too."
udntsay
Violence
"I hit my uncle left right and center when he was trying to choke my father to death. I was 16 years old at that time, a very skinny girl. I beat his face neck and every part of him that I could target with so much intensity that my knuckles turned blue the next day. I had an animalistic rage that day trying to help my father get away from his death grip. I hate my uncle even today."
"I got anger issues because of growing up around him. And I don't regret beating him that day at all. He was physically abusive to his wife as well. One fine day, his wife retaliated by beating him blue with a stick. And he stopped being physically violent towards her post that."
avadakebakra
Danger
"A neighbor like 10 years ago was neglecting their dog badly in the heat. The dog escaped often and ended up at the shelter a lot. One day she jumped the fence and got her tie-out cable stuck on the fence. (She was not in danger of choking.) Neighbor put her on a 3-foot-long cable tied to a doorknob, no water, 90 degree day. I let some kind folks steal her, watched the whole thing and said nothing to stop them."
Oh-Oh-Ophelia
Goodbye
"When my father was dying and in pain I was the one who told the doctors he had been through enough and we couldn't see him suffer anymore. Doctor injected him with something, I assume a morphine mega dose and he passed peacefully moments after. Euthanasia may not be legal in UK but compassionate doctors know what's what. I don't regret it because my pa made me promise I would have his back when he got sick or old. I'm sad he got sick and never got to get old."
Express_Evidence_23
That is a lot of mess. But sometimes we have to do what we have to do.
Toxic
"One of my ex best friends in high school was a real narcissistic lunatic. Had so many egotistical fantasies about what he deserved but I remained his friend because we met through my close friend (his girlfriend). As I started realizing what a terrible person he was I convinced him to go after his fantasy of a harem by asking to add a 3rd to their relationship, that led to a fight between his gf."
"I called her about it and asked how she felt about him adding someone to their relationship and about him sleeping with her. She said she knew nothing about that and started crying because he cheated on her. I basically helped orchestrate their breakup and have no regrets. She is happy with her first child now and he is in a toxic af relationship with 3 kids, 2 of which aren't his and his partner is 8 years older than him."
skijeng
My Buddy
"Had to make the choice to take my dad off of life support after he got Covid this year. He was sedated for a couple of weeks and one of his lungs collapsed and I couldn't watch him fall apart anymore. My dad was a bulky dude. Constantly did a lot of outdoor work and to see him bone skinny and have no muscle left killed me and I knew even if he somehow got through it, he would have been so miserable and depressed in that state he was in. I don’t regret it. I think it was the right thing to do by him. I’ll never not miss him though. That was my buddy."
CarterS20884
The Ruin
"Turned a close friend into the fish and game. He would poach mountain lions and bears. His whole family would literally shoot them and leave them. He would brag about it. I couldn’t stand it and felt that I needed to stop him. He’s in prison and so is his uncle. I know I ruined his life but he was literally killing so many mountain lions and bears."
Donkey-Puncherr
School Daze
"In middle school, there was this group of boys that would corner me in the hallway and try to scare me. I was the perfect target for these little b**tards. I was short, skinny, and had (and still have) and anxiety disorder. One day I just had enough, and asked a friend if I could have an extra pencil, sharpened it as much as I could, and when I saw one of them in the hallway, I stabbed the hell out of his leg. Sh**head got what he deserved."
leserolith3
Wow... we really are a dark and secretive people.