Giving (an receiving) compliments can be tricky territory, particularly as it pertains to women. First, you kind of need to establish that what you want to say is, indeed a compliment.
(Pro-Tip: If your compliment involves a qualifier, it's not a compliment. "For a girl", "if you lost some weight", "etc.)
Then, you should establish that the compliment actually should be given and can be given without you looking awful. Did I need to know that the dude at the bar thought my hair smelled good? Not really, but I'd have been open to the compliment on my product selection.
What I was NOT open to was having him grab two handfulls of my hair, bury his face in it, and take a deep sniff. Not a compliment.
One Reddit user asked:
Ladies of Reddit, what are acceptable compliments to receive from men?
And here's what we learned: "it depends."
Why does it depend? Mostly because women are human beings and, like all human beings, they're individuals with individual like and dislikes. Turn out, just treating us like people is the way to go.
It also depends on who you are to that individual woman. Happily married couples seem to have cart blanche to get weird with it, but the man who told 19-year-old me that I had leg like a horse - and meant that in a good way - was waaaaay off base with how weird his compliments could be. If you don't know her, comparing her to farm animals is probably not going to go over well.
Who knew?
Mood AF
A few weeks ago I had to do a 3 hr training at work that nobody wanted to go to, and like you would expect, it went almost an hour over. As we were all leaving I was talking to my friend about how excited I was for lunch, or something like that. He looks at me and says "you're the only person I know who could still be in this good a mood after THAT 4 hour waste of time"
It's the best compliment I've gotten in a while, whether he meant it that way or not :)
Don't Be Gross
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Just don't be gross. Lemme explain with compliments/"compliments" I've received:
"That lipstick looks nice on you." 10/10. Made me feel pretty. No sexual undertone.
"I like flat girls." 0/10. Neggy. Don't care how you feel about my tits.
"Don't worry about having a big nose, it works for your face." 3/10. Also neggy. Suggesting a flaw is attractive to you doesn't make you special.
"Nice (item of clothing here), I love that (insert band/color/style/brand here)." 10/10. There's a guy at work who compliments a different piece of my outfit daily, without fail. I look forward to those innocent remarks and have started returning them. Makes me feel cool.
"You have such a cute laugh." 100/10. Developed a hardcore crush on him afterwards. Still remember that compliment three years later.
"Sure. Just wait until you're comfortable around me." NEGTIVE 100/10. Said after I remarked about being childfree. Suggesting that you'll impregnate me when I least expect it isn't funny or a compliment.
So, to summarize. Compliment appearance, not physique. Using backhanded compliments makes you look insecure. Relating to her interests (genuinely - don't force shit) is a surefire means of fostering goodwill between y'all.
"It's Not Weird, We're Married."
It entirely depends on what your relationship is to the woman.
Is she a complete stranger? ...then don't. Unless it's topical.
Is she a coworker, a fellow student, an acquaintance? Then ask yourself, what kind of compliments would you find acceptable from strange men? (i.e. away from compliments regarding her looks)
Is she someone you are trying to date? Compliments about looks are okay but keep them non-sexual until you know she digs you (e.g. "You look great," "are those new earrings? They're pretty.")
Is she someone you just started dating? Compliment her body, especially parts you know she's proud off (e.g "your booty is fine!")
Is she your wife or someone you've been dating a long, long time? Go nuts! (e.g, "I love your weird-@ss toes!" "You are sexy when you look at me like you're gonna kill me for letting the kids eat ice cream again!" "Have I mentioned that I love how you smell all musky in the morning before you shower?"). As I tell my husband: it's not weird; we're married.
Complimenting Her Skirt
Actual things said to me by men I work with in the same day:
"I like the color of your skirt!" 10/10, felt like I was walking on air until....
"Your legs look hot in that skirt!" 0/10 felt super slimey, never wore a skirt to work after that.
Judicious Silence
My personal rule of thumb for men:
If you are tempted to add any variation of the phrase "for a girl/woman" to the end of a compliment, just stop yourself before you hit that point.
If it's about how sexy we are in any capacity, just nope the hell out. Think about what you actually mean (i.e. "that color red looks good on you, and the cut of your shirt is very nice") and say that instead.
If you manage to f*ck up, just apologize and explain that you spoke without thinking. Own up to it. Sometimes, you may not have said anything actually offensive but brought back memories of someone who did. Just treat it like someone who can't stand the word "moist" when they eat. In other words, just respect your fellow human and try not to be an asshole.
Wording For The Randos
For men that don't know me and therefore can't compliment me on my personality, work ethic, etc. or who simply WANT to pay a compliment to my physical appearance, wording is important.
"Your shirt is really cool and suits you" is not a weird thing to say and does not give off bad vibes.
"That shirt looks great on you" is borderline. Not itself creepy but can be interpreted is referring more to my body and what you can see of it, but could also just mean my shirt is awesome and I'm rocking it.
"You look really nice" is relatively benign but also so empty and bland that I would probably think you're saying it exclusively to open a shallow dialogue and it's frankly boring.
"Wow you're gorgeous" is first of all not true I look like an ogre but in general is also just not thrilling to hear out of the blue. Like yes, everybody wants to hear that they're good-looking once in a while, but it gets tiring to hear it too frequently because it feels like that's all that matters, and if the last guy who said it then followed me for a block trying to smash, and last year a dude called me a b!tch for not being grateful enough, obviously I'm gonna be mildly worried that maybe you're also also going to be a d!ck and that sucks all the fun out the compliment anyway.
"Hey, have a great day" is just a nice thing to say to a passing stranger, and if she gets offended by that she's probably a b!tch.
Ultimately, don't comment on someone's body parts, but expressing that you think their style is cool is just friendly, and if you really just want to say something to make someone feel good, expressions of positivity are universally nicer than directed compliments.
Also, pay compliments to people you know, not randos on the street.
- Krellous
In Class
I had a classmate from middle school say that he remembered me because I "was the only one who could beat him at proofs on the chalkboard in Mr. X's class". He's a physicist now and I am a stay at home mom who never really developed a career.
Not sure if that was technically meant to be a compliment, but I couldn't see it any other way, and damn it made me feel good. Will always remember that.
A Threat
If you don't know me personally, compliments on my body or even just a "you're gorgeous" make me SUUUPER scared. Compliments from random men on the street, no matter how sweet, are always threatening because their sweetness can absolutely be used to guilt you into talking with them more or putting yourself in a vulnerable situation.
If I do know you however, I'll accept and deeply appreciate almost any compliment on my appearance, interests, or personality that isn't sexual (unless we're dating of course). A good rule of thumb is just to understand that we've all been brought up to see compliments from strangers as threats and to not be judgmental of us for that.
The Puppy Exception
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Totally depends on the woman and the situation!
In the workplace, ONLY professional compliments are appropriate. And especially avoid anything appearance related, even clothes or hair. As someone else said, if you wouldn't say it to a male coworker, don't say it! For example, Great job on that report!" 👍 "That dress is really flattering" 👎
If you're complimenting a close friend, saying that dress is really flattering is probably fine, but avoid telling her what parts of her body it flatters, that's creepy.
If it's your wife, telling her her @ss looks fine in that dress is probably fine.
Self-Esteem
My husband once said to me out of the blue, "If you could see yourself through my eyes, you would never have self esteem issues." Super sweet, candid, and I will never forget that for as long as I live. But he is my husband, so he is allowed to compliment my appearance. Any other guys remarking on my appearance is just creepy.
As many have said before, go with compliments that aren't based on appearances, or stick to non-sexual things. Complimenting a personality trait is a huge plus, because it's like the person is complimenting me, not my body.
Crash & Burn
Had a male coworker tell me that my place of employment would have crashed and burned without me.
That was a pleasant compliment that wasn't about physical attributes or sex and it was one of the most memorable ones.
That Wasn't It
Literally just today I had a customer go out of his way to tell one of my employees how hot he thought she was, and he kept coming back over to ask when she worked again. And then she and I had a whole discussion about how it's absolutely possible to compliment someone without making them feel uncomfortable or threatened.
And that wasn't it.
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- People Explain Which 'Strange' Traits They Find Attractive - George Takei ›
- People Share Something That's A Compliment And An Insult At The Same Time - George Takei ›
- People Share The Most Uncomfortable Compliments They've Ever Received - George Takei ›
- People Explain Which Items Of Clothing Are A Total Turn Off - George Takei ›
- People Explain Which Things They Wish They'd Never Learned - George Takei ›
When we're intoxicated, or even the slightest bit tipsy from having a little too much to drink, our immediate perspective on things is hazy.
But there's nothing like a bit of alarming news or a jarring incident to snap us out of the fog and focus on the moment.
Sometimes alcohol isn't always to blame for our impairment.
It can be a state of mind, like a perpetual numbness from being complacent in life, and all it takes is one shocking moment to rattle us back to our senses.
Curious to hear from strangers online about this type of scenario, Redditor Known_Challenge_7150 asked:
"What’s one thing that sobered you up real quick?"
These individuals were witness to shocking events that sobered them up right quick.
Bleeding Out
"Got out of a taxi and found a naked man profusely bleeding from his head crawling up the driveway in my condo. Called him an ambulance completely forgot I was absolutely wasted until 45 minutes later when I'd helped him translate and in to an amublance and stepped in my front door."
"Later a few days later learned he'd slipped in the tub and literally crawled out for help. Poor dude. He was fine but I genuinely thought he was going to die there."
– DongLaiCha
Tragic News
"At a bachelor party and we got a phone call that the groom’s father had suddenly passed."
– accountnameredacted
Bottom Of The Barrel
"I went to visit my parents back in July. I was homeless and deep into fentanyl addiction so I lost a lot of weight. My folks could see it. They knew something was up. Anyway, I spent the night and I was getting ready to leave in the morning and I looked at myself in the mirror for a good long time. I finally had enough and told them everything. They took me to detox, from there I went to rehab. Graduated in August and been living with them ever since then. I have 160 days clean and sober."
– Crotch-Monster
A reality check can be enough for some people to snap out of it.
Like Father, Like Son
"Was driving a drunk friend home, he had been on a bender again and was smart enough to call me for a lift rather than try and drive. As I helped in to his house his mother came down the stairs and said 'your as drunk as your father' and went back upstairs. I haven't seen him drunk since then, he still drinks but the thought of turning into his dad scared him out of hard drinking."
– psycospaz
Busted
"Flashing blue lights."
– FiddleOfGold
"This sobered me up just thinking about it."
– redmaple_syrup
Losing Sight
"Woke up to no sight in one eye. I had cataract surgery so just thought one of the lenses had slipped and it was an easy fix. Eye doc says nope, you had a stroke. I loved soy sauce, teriyaki sauce and salty food, which caused high blood pressure, which caused retina damage. Over six months was able to get most of my eyesight back with medication, and all back within a year. Trying to navigate life with one eye was very sobering. Started taking HBP much more seriously."
– MissHibernia
Quitting The Bottle
"Looked up someone I went to highschool with who was an awesome guy. Found out he had been dead for 3 years from alcoholism, at age 33. I made an overnight change. I hadn't started drinking that night yet, 10 months ago. Haven't touched it again since."
– omgtater
These disturbing moments were enough for Redditors to immediately come to their senses.
Unplanned House Guests
"Me and a buddy Woke up in someone’s living room, realized neither one of us knew the people, they were just nice and let 2 drunk guys sleep on their living room floor. We didn’t even say goodbye."
– Oneinsevenbillion75
Serious Health Warning
"Elevated liver enzymes."
"And the knowledge that this sh** was gonna kill me and I just couldn't orphan my family over it."
"So I opted for recovery, instead."
"Clean and sober since June 5, 2009."
– Far_Meal8674
The Joyride
"Grew up in a rural area. The little town hosted dances at the hockey arena, everyone (adults and kids) went and they overserved everyone, regardless of age. I was maybe 16 or 17 and was absolutely sh*tfaced, and jumped in the back of someone's truck with about 8 other people to go back to someone's cottage for after dance drinking. The driver (still don't know who it was) started racing one of his buddies and we whipped around small dirt roads, flying around blind corners on the wrong side of the road, going god knows how fast. It was basically a disaster waiting to happen. It was crazy scary and I was sober and thankful to be alive when we finally arrived."
– foxfood9116
The human psyche is a fascinating thing, isn't it?
How we can automatically focus on something urgent at a crucial time, even after getting buzzed from drinking too much alcohol.
But as we're in the thick of the holidays, it's a good reminder to drink responsibly and stay off the roads if you drive to your celebratory destination.
Cheers. Stay safe. And happy holidays.
We've all complained or vented about something in our lives which, in the grand scheme of things, wasn't exactly a problem, or is very easily solved.
Then there are those who complain about things that others almost hope will happen to them at some point in their lives.
These are known as "first world problems", as they are problems that pretty much only the world's one percent faces.
From having to fly business class instead of first class, or being served Roederer instead of Dom Pérignon, these complaints are often met with amusement, bewilderment, or even anger.
Redditor jennimackenzie was curious to hear the most absurd "first world problems" anyone ever complained about, leading them to ask:
"What’s the most ridiculous 'first world problem' you’ve seen people get worked up over?"
"Tale As Old As Time..."
"I once knew a mom who was legitimately devastated, to the point of tears/grief, because a doctor predicted her 8 year old daughter's final height to be around 5'2","
"Which wasn't tall enough to get cast as Belle at Disney World."
"That was the child's (and her mother's) only dream in life, apparently."
"Didn't appreciate my suggestion that she could be Minnie or Mickey."
"Lol!"
"Only a face character would do!"- TravelLovingMom
"Must Be Funny, In A Rich Man's World..."
"My boss from about a decade ago was this insanely rich dude who always went to the bank to get fresh and crisp currency."
"He'd call the bank in advance to make sure they had some on hand."
"I think he was a germaphobe."
"He had a trash can that he'd throw $1 and $5 bills in that he thought was 'dirty' and regularly just donated it vs spending it."
"I asked him why he did this and he said it was too much trouble and asked if I wanted it."
"I said f*ck yeah dumped it into my bag and when I got home it was close to $400 in singles and fives.
"Another time, he wanted to upgrade all the computers in his studio, so we went to a store and bought 10 PCs."
"They all had $150 mail in rebates and he wasn't bothered to go through the trouble of mailing them in."
"3 weeks later I received $1500 after spending a whole afternoon filling out all those goddamn forms."- azninvasion2000
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Who Wore It Better?
"When I was about 19 years old, I was at my boyfriends family BBQ."
"I was wearing this pretty floral sundress."
"His cousins girlfriend showed up in the same dress and she was SO mad that she went and changed."
"I will never understand being upset when someone is wearing the same thing as you.'
"Did you really think that your shirt you bought off the rack is going to be unique to you?"
"No."- mertsey627
Seeing Red! Or Blue In This Case...
"The blue of the balloons wasn't quite the same as the bridesmaid's sashes."
"Years ago my wife and I attended a wedding."
"It was very low key."
"The dinner was in the dining hall at the university where the couple met, cinder block walls and all."
"It was a Baptist wedding - no booze and very serious."
"The dark blue balloons attempting to liven up the hall were a slightly darker shade of blue than the sashes on the bridesmaid's dresses."
"The bride lost here sh*t and absolutely raved for nearly an hour."
"I can't remember how they finally managed to talk her down."- mechant_papa
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See You In Court!
"Rich neighbors who end up in expensive court battles because they disagree about where a tree can be planted or whether the color of a fence fits in with the street’s 'amenity'."
'These disputes get really heated and rack up huge lawyers’ bills."
"The most pathetic part is after the judgement when they are arguing about who should pay the other party’s costs."
"Lots of affidavits filed citing the 'emotional distress' they had to endure, or painting themselves as brave warriors who were forced to take a stand to fight for 'justice'."
"Also lots of pompous litigants insisting that the judge refer to them by their 'Dr' title."
"An absolutely insane dumpster fire of entitled rich people problems."- ElectrocRaisin
It's Always People With Money Who Don't Want To Pay!
"I work in a public library."
"People will get so so mad if they have to be put on a wait list for a book."
"A popular book that just came out."
"Ok our services are not only free but so are the books."
"You’re welcome, a**holes."- Switchbladekitten
A Warm Butt Is A Happy Butt!
"My own."
"We have a bidet toilet seat (Fabulous! Everyone should have one!) and not only does it wash your bum and blow dry it, but the seat's heated!"
"It's shocking how much a heated toilet seat makes the whole process more agreeable."
"Except: We had a power outage and I went to use the toilet and the seat was cold!"
"Unacceptable!"
"This shall not stand!"
"I was really upset because it didn't feel good."
"Then I stopped and thought: This is the most first-world problem anyone's ever had."
"I was really pissed because my heiny was tepid."
"I got over it."- DeathGrover
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Holy Matrimony!
"Weddings are a gold mine for this question."
"People get so hyped up over their 'most important day of their life'."
"They'll destroy friendships, go into debt, and have crazy expectations."
"It's not always the couple who go crazy, either."
"Sometimes, it's the parents or another family member who feels entitled to control the wedding."
"It's just a party."
"Be considerate of guests, have plenty of food and drinks, and enjoy it."- magicrowantree
When Fast Food Isn't Fast Enough...
"Having to pull off to the side to wait for a drive-thru order to be brought out to you because your food isn't ready and there's a line building up behind you."- demanbmore
In Case You Don't Think Customer Service Employees Are Undervalued...
"I was working the return desk at a Target next to a military base so I have so many stories."
"One of my favorites was a lady who had her baby shower before revealing the gender and was livid that she had received floral newborn diapers when she’s having a boy."
"It was a huge box of super expensive, all organic diapers, that we didn’t carry and therefore could not return."
"I cannot accurately express her fury and disgust."
"How dare either suggest her boy could wear feminine diapers."
"I suggested she donate them if she didn’t want to use them and she instead threw away the entire box."
"When she left we pulled it out and threw it in our donate bin."
"There have also been multiple times where mom’s order massive toys and when we bring them out to the car they get furious that they aren’t wrapped."
"We don’t offer wrapping services."
"Here’s the thing, if you don’t want your kids to see the toys you got them for Christmas or their bit to day DON'T BRING THE CHILD WHEN YOU PICK IT UP."
'I’ve had multiple women scream and curse me out that I had ruined their kids Christmas by bringing the toys they ordered out to the car like they requested."- clever-mermaid-mae
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Happiest Place On Earth!
"I used to work for Disney."
"That in itself should tell you everything."
"However for fun I'll give you two specific stories one form our tech department and one from my wife who worked bookings."
"I specifically worked for their call center to help with technical issues with magic band and the website."
"Suddenly got worse huh?"
"A right of passage call everyone has at least one story of is the 'Dome call'."
"Basically there is a subset of Disney Guest (TM) that believes if it rains at Walt Disney world there is someone that will push a button to encapsulate the whole of Disney property in a dome to keep out the rain."
"I'm not kidding."
"If this button is not pushed they call our tech department to angrily ask why."
"My wife worked booking."
"Pretty much everything including Bibbidi Bobbidi boutique and Pirate's league."
"These two things did roughly the same thing difference being price and theme."
"BBB was expensive did more and was focused on princesses, pirates league did a bit less and focused on mermaids and pirates."
"Lady called up my wife, and got pissed about BBB being booked up (It goes FAAAAST)."
"Karen: 'Im going to give the phone to my daughter and I want you to tell her how you are ruining her vacation by not letting her do BBB'."
"Wife proceeds to explain how pirate's league is so much cooler and how she can be a mermaid or pirate and basically gets the kid to start demanding to their parents about how they want to be a mermaid instead of a princess."- trollsong
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The horror!
Being booked into a junior suite at Disney World instead of an executive suite!
It's almost as bad as having no money for groceries, or no food to feed you children...
Said absolutely no one.