"Nice" guys are typically anything but.
Suffice it to say that if you actually are one, there's no need to declare it. Case in point: Redditor Between3and20eh's decision to ask the online community: "Women who gave "nice guys" a chance how did it work out?"
"Turned out to be an awful human being."
Turned out to be an awful human being. Was a nice shy guy at first but upon getting into a serious relationship that was just for the public. Behind closed doors was a very insecure person. He had decent looks but was short and skinny with glasses. I didn't mind and never used that against him but it affected his confidence and he took it out on everyone else. Even after trying to work on it for months and always reassuring him he ended up cheating on me several times and then hid behind the nice guy victim thing. Went and told everyone that I was out of his league and just using him as a place to live and I had been the one cheating which wasn't true. I moved out and got my own place immediately to proceed I could and cut all ties.
"He once said to me..."
Went on and on about what a great, compassionate guy he was. He was actually just your garden variety, abusive psycho.
He once said to me: "I wish you had been abused so you would realise how great I am." Who says that?!
"At first..."
At first I was sympathetic that he hadn't really made any friends before we dated (starting at the end of our junior years of high school) and believed him when he talked about how "people always bullied him wherever he went" and "no one wanted to make friends with him." He also loved the idea of dating someone who was going to be a counselor because he thought it was an admirable job.
Turns out he just wanted someone to be more of a therapist than a partner to him, and he would get upset if I didn't walk on eggshells around him. Later on he also started blaming me for not wanting to have sex with him every day. I was getting FREQUENT urinary tract infections (multiple a month at one point) and was physically unable to, but that was an excuse to him.
He considered masturbating almost as reprehensible as cheating on him, so when I wouldn't be in the mood (every day) it would be my fault for masturbating (whether I had or not) and got to a point where I would just agree to get it over with and get him to leave me alone. He had a lot of weird ideas about sex and how it could only be missionary with very little foreplay or aftercare, so sex became this uncomfortable 2 minute daily dissociation that I got through for awhile because I thought that's what I had to do for someone to love me.
I've since found a partner who values me and takes care of me back when I take care of him (although lately he's been doing much more to support me). He is a gift that I am constantly grateful for.
"He proposed to me..."
He proposed to me after we worked on a group project. When I turned down this guy I barely knew and definitely never dated he stalked and harassed me for about half a year until he found his next "true love". He was a serial proposer.
"He went out bowling..."
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He went out bowling with his friends and then when he came home he complained to me that for the first time in his life a hot girl had hit on him while he was out, and he was unlucky enough to actually have a girlfriend. He seemed genuinely sad he had to turn her down, and expected me to be grateful he did it.
"He was always nice to me..."
He was always nice to me but very easily jealous anytime another guy spoke to me. We were just friends and only went out once yet he felt like he needed to make me feel bad whenever other guys gave me a little attention. He also had a horrible drinking problem and serious anger issues. And the whole time he was trying to woo me, he was also hooking up with his ex and ended up getting her pregnant. So yeah, no regrets about that.
"This happened to me with my ex..."
This happened to me with my ex, but while we were dating. Whenever I did something that he wasn't present for, or when he wasn't around me physically, he would get jealous at the fictional or imaginary "guy I was speaking to" (or the possibility of meeting another guy, and leaving him) in his mind, based on his own deep-seated insecurities. For example, one time, we were supposed to meet up after one of his classes ended, and I wandered off because I got a migraine, which comes with confusion for me.
The first thing out of his mouth when he finally finds me? "Where were you? What were you doing? You were talking with another guy, weren't you? Were you cheating on me with another guy?" Meanwhile, I am confused, in a lot of pain, and not even sure what he's even talking about...
"Not well."
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Not well. He was funny and friendly in public, but turned into a different person as soon as we were behind closed doors. He was basically your textbook abuser - manipulative, controlling, and demanding. He wanted to do some really weird and degrading (to me) sex stuff and acted like I was the psycho for not wanting to. He'd make angry comments like "I'm just trying to be romantic and YOU keep freaking out". I got out of the relationship before he could hit me, but no question that was what the future held. Oh, and he still insisted that he was the nicest guy I'd ever meet.
"He lived in a different city..."
Had a "nice guy" on tinder who didn't make it to date for the following reason.
He lived in a different city so he insisted on an all day date (lives about 50 mins away). I said I'm not comfortable subscribing to 8+ hours with someone I hadn't met yet, but he kept insisting I had to make it worth his while to come through. At this point I said I can't see it going anywhere and it was putting me under pressure and that made me feel a little uncomfortable, that realistically, it may not work out so let's just leave it.
So then he says he's gonna book a hotel and come through. Explained that's sweet but it's making me uncomfortable. So he says I can have the bed and hell be a gentleman and have the sofa... I explained that he seems to have the wrong idea, I'm not going to a hotel with him and I feel uncomfortable, I don't want to meet. He continues to press, saying he is nice guy, he won't make me have sex if I don't want to. I say I don't want to. I don't want to go to a hotel. I don't want to meet. It's too much pressure, and for someone I've not met, I feel uneasy, thanks, good luck with your search...
But apparently I need to give him a chance. He's willing to come all this way. I say no. He keeps finding new things to message me. Uses my phone number to add my snap chat and says he can see what street I'm on. At this point I start feeling very uneasy. I didn't know I had location on. I block him. He messaged on something else so I say I've got back with my ex. ( I see my ex a lot, we are good friends, he's happy to "have a word") so he starts going on about my ex had his chance and blew it, he is a much nicer guy than my ex, he will treat me like a princess and worship me and my ex has blown it etc etc. I tell him this is my choice.
Thanks and goodbye. Please don't try to message me on anything else as it's not appropriate and I've already blocked on 3 things.
Fast forward 4 months and I move cities. I get an Instagram message. It's the nice guy saying he's seen my on bumble in this new city and even though we haven't matched it must not have worked out with my ex. He's using Instagram and can see I'm near the station (Is that even a thing?!) And we should go on that date that I owe him.
Blocked again. Had a friend stay over that night.
"We text back and forth..."
I also have a guy who didn't make it to a date.
We met on OKC and texted for a couple weeks - I was working a lot at the time and was trying to fit him in to my schedule. One night he calls me (which I found weird because we didn't talk on the phone up to that point and I'm anti-social lmao) and I text him and say sorry, I'm taking care of a sick friend, what's up?
We text back and forth and I end up saying "yeah I feel awful for getting him sick; that's why I'm hosting and taking care of him." (I had had the flu the week before).
He flipped OUT. Called me a slut, a whore, went on for about fifteen-twenty texts accusing me of everything under the sun and saying "how could you do this when I've been nothing but nice to you?"
Once he wore himself out I responded something to the effect of, "it was nice getting to know you but I'm going to pass on a date. Your reaction without asking questions is a huge red flag for me when we haven't even met yet. Best of luck to you. And for the record, my friend is GAY, which I happily could have told you if you asked."
I kid you not he texted me the next he texted me demanding a date. When I said "are you kidding" he said "go out with me so then you can say we've met."
No thanks, bud.
"All the guys..."
All the guys I have known or dated that felt it necessary to label themselves "nice guys" turned out to absolutely awful humans. Either they had a bad temper, horrible morals, or just didn't want to take "no" for answer. One even turned out to be an emotionally abusive alcoholic.
The actual nicest guys I've dated or called friends were the ones who didn't feel the need to label themselves "nice guy". In fact, the best of them usually warned me and others that they were not all that nice, but always turned out to be the sweetest, most understanding, appreciative, and kind guys I've had the pleasure of knowing.
"He seemed a bit shy..."
He seemed a bit shy but goofy, smart and genuinely kind when he approached me, so I agreed to go out and we hit it off at first. Deep, meaningful conversation about our personal challenges, him quickly meeting my friends and me being the first person he called after a family emergency. We were both pretty vulnerable, but things were seemingly progressing somewhat well.
One day he was on Tinder in bed next to me and when called on it, he said that dating me had made him realize that he needed more confidence and experience with women and thus needed to date a lot more different people, but that he only fucked the others at their houses, so I was obviously his no1. I freaked, cried and broke things off - he called me the next day to casually ask me out to the new Hunger Games movie.
I got an STD-screening the next week - he harassed me at work for another 6 months.
"He tried to rape me..."
He tried to rape me because I "belonged to him and only him" now. He thought a girlfriend couldn't say no. I ended up putting him in the hospital.
"I was in a relationship..."
I was in a relationship with a "nice guy" for nearly 5 years.
Overtime he gradually convinced me to push everyone out of my life - family included.
He also started doing sexual stuff to me in my sleep (I'm a deep sleeper). When I found out and told him to stop, he apologized and said he would stop. He didn't. I started hardly ever sleeping, so as to avoid him violating me in my sleep.
When I started applying to universities to pursue my masters degree he told me that I didn't need to keep going to school because he loved me and was going to take care of me forever.
He also broke my belongings when we fought.
But he was always so kind, romantic, and convincing. All of this was so gradual that it took years to see what a mess our relationship was.
After I broke up with him he continued to send me gifts for about a year and then started sending me emails, after I moved across the country. But then he got a new girlfriend about a year ago. Haven't heard from him since.
Nice people are nice. But not all nice people are good.
"He came back to mine..."
Went on a brilliant date. I had the best time. He came back to mine because he said he couldn't get a taxi. I put him on he sofa and he came into my room in the night and tried to have sex with me. I pretended to be asleep hoping he'd stop, he didn't. He fell asleep with his hands on my boobs and his hard on on my back. Then in the morning he left and never spoke to me again.
"I agreed to go to the movies..."
I agreed to go to the movies with him that weekend. His behavior immediately got so overbearing I cancelled that same day––well before the date even happened. He responded by stalking me for at least two years after. People I dated would report being confronted by someone who matched his description, who never gave a name but would tell them he was my "real boyfriend" and they needed to stop talking to me or he would hurt them.
He also has the distinction of being the only person I've ever heard describe themselves as a "nice guy" verbatim. He said it very often, including while wheedling me into agreeing to a date. "Nice Guys Finish Last" by Green Day was literally his favorite song.
"He was..."
He was the "nice Christian guy" I thought might be change up from some of the fuckboys I'd been dating.
Well, he was insecure as fuck as it turns out and constantly negged me. He was also a pathological liar. He once told me I had told him I did believe in Jesus even though I explicitly told him I was non religious when we started dating.
When I broke up with him I told him he treated me like shit and that I was a god damn catch.
"At first..."
At first he was very charming and lovely to be with, but he became extremely controlling very quickly, telling me what to wear, how to do my makeup, claiming all the typical 'nice guy' things like "You're prettier without makeup", etc. This was only three weeks in and when I called it off with him he begged me to stay and claimed he was just protecting me from the fuck boys out there and started spewing shit about how girls never give 'nice guys' a chance. What ever, man. I'm outta here.
"I dumped him..."
He was charming, smart, funny, and successful. The personification of Southern Gentleman with an adorable "I can't technology" quirk. Lovely southern accent.
Managed to "accidentally" block me for months at a time, repeatedly, on phones that didn't have a blocking capability. Wouldn't tell me where he lived after almost a year. He didn't even want me to go to his city for a night out. "It's the man's job to come to the lady."
I dumped him, not because I thought he was cheating on me, but aside from the constant "oh I accidentally blocked you," I came to the conclusion he was using me to cheat on a wife or long-term partner and wanted no part of that.
"Went on two dates."
Went on two dates. He tried to drop by my work to 'surprise me' after the first one. Thought that was weird, but I was 19 and not wise to the ways of the world yet. On the second date, I told him that he seemed nice, but I wasn't feeling it.
Dude started SCREAMING at me to the extent that strangers had to intervene because he was using foul language and tried to grab my arm. To this day I'm glad I ended whatever that was in a public place, I have no doubt he would have gotten violent if it had been otherwise.
- People Break Down The Things That Women Keep From Men - George Takei ›
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- People Break Down Which Historical 'Good Guys' Were Actually Bad Guys - George Takei ›
The old wives' tales.
They are the stories of legend.
I think we all need a big DEEP Google dive though.
Where did they originate?
WHO ARE THE OLD WIVES!
You don't hear about them as much anymore.
It's like science and logic are suddenly a thing.
But they sure are a good way to keep your kids and their behavior in line.
Redditor the_spring_goddess wanted to discuss the tall tales we've all been fed through life, so they asked:
"What is an old wives tale that people still believe?"
"Wait an hour to swim after eating."
What a crock!
So many summer hours wasted.
I want revenge for that one.
Say Nothing
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"An undercover cop has to tell you he's a cop if you ask him."
LonelyMail5115
"Pretty much most advice when it comes to cops are old wives tales. I’m not even a cop but most of the advice you hear is pretty off."
I_AM_AN_A**HOLE_AMA
Say Something
"That you have to wait 24 hours to report someone missing."
Severe_Airport1426
"I really think this one is important and should be the top regardless. As it’s a piece of advice that needs to be relearned and the only way to do that is through awareness."
crappycurtains
"This used to be true. I think they changed it after some guy named Brandon went missing back in the '80s or '70s. You used to have to wait 24 hours if the missing person was an adult because they had 'a right to be missing' and then everyone realized that was stupid and stopped doing it."
AlbinoShavedGorilla
Body Temps
"That drinking ice cold water after eating oily foods will solidify the oil and permanently remain in your body. I informed my coworker that if your body temperature ever reached that point, you’d have bigger problems than weight gain."
chriseo22
"Oh, I have a cousin who 100% believed this. One of those guys who believed every early 2000s internet rumor and old wives tale. One night I chugged a big glass of ice water after dinner and he started freaking out and saying my guts were gonna harden."
"I sarcastically told him to drive me to the hospital if that happened. Obviously, nothing happened and the next morning I said something like 'Thanks for being on standby in case my guts filled with hardened oil.' He just walked off muttering under his breath."
apocalypticradish
Arms Down
"When I was pregnant, I was told by young and old alike that I should NOT raise my arms above my head or exert myself in such a manner because it could cause cord strangulation to my unborn sons and daughters."
Fatmouse84
10 Years Actually
Unimpressed Uh Huh GIF by Brooklyn Nine-Nine
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"Chewing gum stays in your stomach for 7 years."
"I remember accidentally swallowing a piece of gum when I was a kid in like 1995 and just accepting my fate like welp, gonna have this in my stomach til high school I guess."
Gecko-911
I was so afraid to sallow my gum when I was young.
This tale is haunting.
High/Low
Hungry Debra Messing GIF by Will & Grace
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"You can tell the sex of the baby by how you carry."
LeastFormal9366
"Pregnancy certainly wins awards for the most old wives tales. So much absolute BS was repeated to us by everyone we talked to."
IllIIIlIllIlIIlIllI
The Cursed
"If you’re a woman and you wear opal jewelry but opal is not your birthstone (October), you’ll never be able to have children, or will be widowed, or just generally have bad luck or something. You can counteract this by having a diamond in the same piece of jewelry as the opal, though."
"I have a nice opal ring that my parents gave me years ago, and I’ve had other women give me this 'advice' unprompted more than once when I’ve worn it. I have absolutely no idea where it started, but I’m pretty sure this little chunk of silicate rock has no concept of what month I was born in, let alone of how my reproductive organs work."
SmoreOfBabylon
Stay In
"Going outside with wet hair will make you get pneumonia. Or an earache. Or maybe arthritis. Depends on which old wife you listen to."
"Jokes on them - I haven't blow-dried my hair in decades and usually leave the house with wet hair in the morning. On winter mornings, the tips of my hair get frozen. No ear infections or pneumonia or arthritis yet."
worldbound0514
Dreams and Facts
"You never make anyone up in your dreams you've seen everyone in your dreams somewhere else before and never make anyone up entirely."
"How would you possibly prove that to be true? My partner adamantly believes this and tells me this 'fact' whenever I have a dream about someone I've never met before."
mattshonestreddit
"My late wife used to tell me that before she met me she would have dreams of standing at an alter on her wedding day but could never see the guy's face, no matter how hard she tried. After meeting me the face was filled in with mine. Don't know if it's true but one of those things I like thinking of every now and then when I miss her."
Darthdemented
Cracked
Getting Ready Episode 2 GIF by The Office
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"Some people still believe cracking knuckles causes arthritis."
Choice-Grapefruit-44
"There's a doctor (Donald Unger) that cracked his knuckles a couple of times a day for 60 years, but only on one hand, just to prove it. Both hands remained exactly the same."
MacyTmcterry
I love my knuckles.
Do you have any tall tales to add to the list? Let us know in the comments below.
