Women Who've Given The 'Nice Guy' A Chance Break Down How It Actually Went
René Ranisch on Unsplash

I once heard "nice guys" characterized as those who are chivalrous in public and misogynistic in private, and that's an observation that appears to get to the heart of the experiences of many women out there who've had to navigate a minefield while dating.

"Nice" guys are typically anything but.

Suffice it to say that if you actually are one, there's no need to declare it.


Women shared their stories with us after Redditor Jin_Kazama asked the online community:

"Girls that gave the 'nice guy' a chance, how did it go?"

"I was coming out of a string..."

"I was coming out of a string of really bad, toxic, abusive relationships so I promised myself that I would try to find a nice guy to date. Well, I had a first date with this one guy, we'll call him Tim."

"It was a fine date. He was nice and we had fine conversations. I didn't feel any immediate chemistry, but I was also not used to dating guys who weren't blatant asses so I figured that was why I didn't feel an immediate connection. I told myself I'd go on one more date with him and see if the connection grew in any way."

"So we go on a second date a week later. It was a short date, we.had an early dinner, and I was back home 90 minutes after he picked me up to drive me to dinner. Again, no sparks, but he was nice and it wasn't a bad date. So I told myself I'd go on one more date with him and that would be the deciding factor."

"I was still wrestling in my head with the idea that I was just not attracted to him because he wasn't an a-hole and maybe I was just scared of nice guys. Well, on our third date, he asked me to move in with him, offered to put me on his health insurance plan (I was uninsured at the time) and told me he loved me."

"I very gently told him that he was a great guy, but he was clearly more invested than I was, and that it wasn't fair to him, that he deserved to be with someone who was equally attracted to him. At the time he was cordial, but confused, and we parted ways."

"Next day, he posts a long, long rant on Facebook about how nice guys finish last, girls only want to date a-holes, he opened his heart and his home to 'this ungrateful b**ch' only to be slapped with a rejection. He left it up for a few days,.and then blocked me."

idontcare4205

The things people put on social media are wild. You dodged a bullet. Next time, trust your gut.

"He begged me..."

"He begged me to masturbate for him while he drove me home and when I refused, he threatened to rape me... and then couldn't understand why I didn't want anything to do with him after that."

SageThistle

That is terrifying. Thankfully you managed to get away!

"He once said to me..."

"Went on and on about what a great, compassionate guy he was. He was actually just your garden variety, abusive psycho. He once said to me: "I wish you had been abused so you would realise how great I am." Who says that?!"

OhNoMyKeys

The kind of person who says that is the kind of person who thinks they might be able to get away with abusing you.

"I offended him immediately..."

"I finally allowed him to take me on a date to breakfast. Figured midday would be ideal to meet up in public. "

"I offended him immediately when I spoke to the waitress. I said, "We have two" when she asked how many we had. He insisted that she was asking him, not me, and I emasculated him in public. I laughed it off as a joke. I grew up with all brothers. Surely, he was trying to be funny."

"We sat down. The waitress asked for our order. I gave her mine. He groaned and asked her to come back in a second. He told me proper protocol was for me to discuss what I wanted to eat with him, allow him to make the decision, and he was supposed to relay that to the waitress - not me!"

"I told him he was crazy and left. Blocked his number. Ghosted completely."

AndThenThereIsJess

Ghosting him was ABSOLUTELY the correct decision.

"I noped the f**k out..."

"The “nice” guy tried moving into my dorm room after 4 days. I noped the f**k out of that relationship."

particularad7304

Four days??

Amateur.

"At first..."

"At first I was sympathetic that he hadn't really made any friends before we dated (starting at the end of our junior years of high school) and believed him when he talked about how "people always bullied him wherever he went" and "no one wanted to make friends with him.""

"He also loved the idea of dating someone who was going to be a counselor because he thought it was an admirable job."

"Turns out he just wanted someone to be more of a therapist than a partner to him, and he would get upset if I didn't walk on eggshells around him. Later on he also started blaming me for not wanting to have sex with him every day.

"I was getting FREQUENT urinary tract infections (multiple a month at one point) and was physically unable to, but that was an excuse to him."

"He considered masturbating almost as reprehensible as cheating on him, so when I wouldn't be in the mood (every day) it would be my fault for masturbating (whether I had or not) and got to a point where I would just agree to get it over with and get him to leave me alone."

"He had a lot of weird ideas about sex and how it could only be missionary with very little foreplay or aftercare, so sex became this uncomfortable two-minute daily dissociation that I got through for awhile because I thought that's what I had to do for someone to love me."

"I've since found a partner who values me and takes care of me back when I take care of him (although lately he's been doing much more to support me). He is a gift that I am constantly grateful for."

beaches_and_scream

Glad to hear you found a partner who appreciates you! That's the best revenge.

"He proposed to me..."

"He proposed to me after we worked on a group project. When I turned down this guy I barely knew and definitely never dated he stalked and harassed me for about half a year until he found his next "true love." He was a serial proposer."

a-little-sleepy

Serial proposer, eh?

He clearly has self-esteem issues (and sounds deluded).

"He went out bowling..."

"He went out bowling with his friends and then when he came home he complained to me that for the first time in his life a hot girl had hit on him while he was out, and he was unlucky enough to actually have a girlfriend. He seemed genuinely sad he had to turn her down, and expected me to be grateful he did it."

AndThenThereIsJess

Wait a minute... what?!

Men are truly something else. The disconnect is wild.

"He also had a horrible drinking problem..."

"He was always nice to me but very easily jealous anytime another guy spoke to me. We were just friends and only went out once yet he felt like he needed to make me feel bad whenever other guys gave me a little attention. He also had a horrible drinking problem and serious anger issues."

"And the whole time he was trying to woo me, he was also hooking up with his ex and ended up getting her pregnant. So yeah, no regrets about that."

lyn90

You shouldn't regret a single thing about your decision to get away from him!

As you can see, dating is a MINEFIELD.

Men, do better. There are many reasons why dating can make women reason and the stories mentioned here are just a few examples.

Have some stories of your own? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!

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