Author Gabrielle Blair is causing some serious waves online with a Twitter thread that puts the blame for unwanted pregnancies squarely and solely on the shoulders of men. What makes the rant interesting is that it's not like others. Gabrielle doesn't insult anyone, she doesn't rant with anger or indignation, she just comes at the situation with calm cool logic — and it's got people a little bit shook.
Here's the thread - it's a long one but worth the read.
If you want to stop abortion, you need to prevent unwanted pregnancies. And men are 100% responsible for unwanted p… https://t.co/ztGZExHbsD— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair)1536876946.0
But ALL unwanted pregnancies are caused by the irresponsible ejaculations of men. Period. Don’t believe me? Let me… https://t.co/ypIdVs096m— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair)1536876946.0
That makes 24 days a year a women might get pregnant. But men can _cause_ pregnancy 365 days a year. In fact, if yo… https://t.co/Ie0pll50Rc— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair)1536876946.0
And though their sperm gets crappier as they age, men can cause unwanted pregnancies from puberty till death. So ju… https://t.co/hMzyFQvEsj— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair)1536876946.0
But what about birth control? If a woman doesn’t want to risk an unwanted pregnancy, why wouldn’t she just use birt… https://t.co/v7u0VbXQZL— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair)1536876946.0
Modern birth control is possibly the greatest invention of the last century, and I am very grateful for it. It’s al… https://t.co/ye8WAHAOrZ— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair)1536876947.0
… because of the side effects. And the list of side effects was about 1/3 as long as the known side effects for wom… https://t.co/nWnHuE56kU— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair)1536876947.0
There’s a lot to be unpacked just in that story, but I’ll simply point out (in case you didn’t know) that as a soci… https://t.co/bg4Ddv4a8V— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair)1536876947.0
But good news, Men: Even with the horrible side effects, women are still very willing to use birth control. Unfortu… https://t.co/5P8F7mjFSw— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair)1536876947.0
In fact there are many people trying to make it more expensive by fighting to make sure insurance companies refuse… https://t.co/tL3JmI3oDN— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair)1536876948.0
If we’re talking about the pill, it requires consistent daily use and doesn’t leave much room for mistakes, forgetf… https://t.co/t88w88SkHV— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair)1536876948.0
I’m just saying women's birth control isn’t simple or easy. In contrast, let’s look at birth control for men, meani… https://t.co/WwTkdorQlR— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair)1536876948.0
Men can keep them stocked up just in case, so they’re always prepared. Amazing! They are so much easier than birth… https://t.co/d2w41pciAi— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair)1536876948.0
… or prevent us from climaxing. And the best part? Clean up is so much easier — no waddling to the toilet as your j… https://t.co/e2G3iNUltw— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair)1536876949.0
Oh. I remember. Men _don’t_ love condoms. In fact, men frequently pressure women to have sex without a condom. An… https://t.co/GAeEp6MYeF— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair)1536876949.0
Why would men want to have sex without a condom? Good question. Apparently it’s because for the minutes they are pe… https://t.co/kxMU50M3ed— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair)1536876949.0
So… there are men willing to risk getting a woman pregnant — which means literally risking her life, her health, he… https://t.co/TaQ7fYQqsG— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair)1536876949.0
So it’s not like sex with a condom is _not_ pleasurable, it’s just not _as_ pleasurable. An 8 instead of a 10. Let… https://t.co/YqixY1UgBy— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair)1536876950.0
Now keep in mind, for the truly condom-averse, men also have a non-condom, always-ready birth control built right i… https://t.co/lYFSdwFmYP— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair)1536876950.0
So surely, we can expect men who aren’t wearing a condom to at least pull out every time they have sex, right? Nope. And why not?— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair)1536876950.0
Well, again, apparently it’s _slightly_ more pleasurable to climax inside a vagina than, say, on their partner’s st… https://t.co/eXRq1DR6wz— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair)1536876951.0
It’s mind-boggling and disturbing when you realize that’s the choice men are making. And honestly, I’m not as mad a… https://t.co/T0amaNx8FZ— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair)1536876951.0
While we’re here, let’s talk a bit more about pleasure and biology. Did you know that a man CAN'T get a woman pregn… https://t.co/ikMSaxstYD— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair)1536877016.0
But did you further know that men CAN get a woman pregnant without HER feeling any pleasure at all? In fact, it’s t… https://t.co/Y9FWAlsbfT— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair)1536877031.0
In contrast, a woman can have non-stop orgasms with or without a partner and never once get herself pregnant. A wom… https://t.co/g0s19fhCwr— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair)1536877044.0
No matter how many orgasms she has, they won’t make her pregnant. Pregnancies can only happen when men have an orga… https://t.co/KZ9ZoV6iT2— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair)1536877057.0
What this means is a women can be the sluttliest slut in the entire world who loves having orgasms all day long and… https://t.co/qcNRXz6L7S— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair)1536877070.0
Women enjoying sex does not equal unwanted pregnancy and abortion. Men enjoying sex and having irresponsible ejacul… https://t.co/EYvr5VAaVz— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair)1536877084.0
Let’s talk more about responsibility. Men often don’t know, and don’t ask, and don’t think to ask, if they’ve cause… https://t.co/8FQ6Tx9h34— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair)1536877098.0
If the woman decides to have an abortion, the man may never know he caused an unwanted pregnancy with his irresponsible ejaculation.— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair)1536877110.0
If the woman decides to have the baby, or put the baby up for adoption, the man may never know he caused an unwante… https://t.co/6sXRtSE7jq— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair)1536877119.0
If the woman does tell him that he caused an unwanted pregnancy and that she’s having the baby, the closest thing t… https://t.co/i7JKUxsqVQ— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair)1536877128.0
61% of men (or women) who are legally required to pay it, simply don’t. With little or no repercussions. Their cred… https://t.co/sG4PMzo1Hy— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair)1536877138.0
When the topic of abortion comes up, men might think: Abortion is horrible; women should not have abortions. And ne… https://t.co/8zo2gRyQ0H— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair)1536877155.0
Stop protesting at clinics. Stop shaming women. Stop trying to overturn abortion laws. If you actually care about r… https://t.co/RNyOh4sHqL— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair)1536877166.0
What would that look like? What if there was a real and immediate consequence for men who cause an unwanted pregnan… https://t.co/4RoHtBMJHG— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair)1536877188.0
… as forcing a woman to go through a 9-month unwanted pregnancy?— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair)1536877196.0
In my experience, men really like their testicles. If irresponsible ejaculations were putting their balls at risk,… https://t.co/wzfK66fVod— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair)1536877386.0
But is it worse than forcing 500,000 women a year to puke daily for months, gain 40 pounds, and then rip their bodi… https://t.co/9kdBC0rg9S— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair)1536877386.0
Put a castration law on the books, implement the law, let the media tell the story, and in 3 months or less, tada!… https://t.co/Pkqtaa4djo— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair)1536877386.0
For those of you who consider abortion to be murder, wouldn’t you be on board with having a handful of men castrate… https://t.co/Gvyoy6hXlz— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair)1536877386.0
And if not, is that because you actually care more about policing women’s bodies, morality, and sexuality, than you… https://t.co/N3ff2dVMcZ— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair)1536877386.0
Hey, you can even have the men who will be castrated bank their sperm before it happens — just in case they want to… https://t.co/KzYMpRrEW4— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair)1536877387.0
Can’t wrap your head around a physical punishment for men? Even though you seem to be more than fine with physical… https://t.co/k0rVimwsyP— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair)1536877387.0
Vasectomies are very safe, totally reversible, and about as invasive as an doctor's exam for a woman getting a birt… https://t.co/o6xaF0Sp63— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair)1536877643.0
(So much better than The Pill, which is taken by millions of women in our country, the side effects of which are we… https://t.co/AC6BySW5mZ— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair)1536877644.0
If/when the male becomes a responsible adult, and perhaps finds a mate, if they want to have a baby, the vasectomy… https://t.co/pWWXPsKy2f— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair)1536877644.0
It's not that wild of an idea. 80% of males in the U.S. are circumcised, most as babies. And that's not reversible.— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair)1536877644.0
Don’t like my ideas? That’s fine. I’m sure there are better ones. Go ahead and suggest your own ideas. My point is… https://t.co/SH1gizEExp— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair)1536877644.0
If you want to stop abortions, you need to prevent the “disease" - meaning, unwanted pregnancies. And the only way… https://t.co/fEtZ8FW87w— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair)1536877644.0
If you’re a man, what would the consequence need to be for you to never again ejaculate irresponsibly? Would it be… https://t.co/yQNsc0OJUW— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair)1536877927.0
Ask yourselves: What would it take for you to value the life of your sexual partner more than your own temporary pleasure or convenience?— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair)1536877927.0
Are you someone who learns better with analogies? Let’s try this one: Think of another great pleasure in life, let’… https://t.co/4XuF4x1qza— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair)1536877927.0
What if you found out that every time you indulge in that favorite food you risked causing great physical and menta… https://t.co/BCo2JaBTeS— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair)1536877928.0
Well, you’d probably be sad, but never indulge in that food again, right? Not worth the risk!— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair)1536877928.0
And then, what if you further found out, there was a simple thing you could do before you ate that favorite food, a… https://t.co/kGQUKWN3wE— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair)1536877928.0
BUT the simple thing you need to do makes the experience of eating the food slightly less pleasurable. To be clear,… https://t.co/RtrRTjteYS— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair)1536877928.0
Would you be willing to do that simple thing, and eliminate the risk of causing pain to someone you know intimately… https://t.co/yiuue65O4p— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair)1536877928.0
Condoms (or even pulling out) is that simple thing. Don’t put women at risk. Don’t choose to maximize your own plea… https://t.co/hyK0zX2H8D— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair)1536877929.0
Men mostly run our government. Men mostly make the laws. And men could eliminate abortions in 3 months or less with… https://t.co/R597yxiLfz— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair)1536877929.0
WHEW! That was a long, but important read.
Discussing the topic of birth control and unwanted pregnancies can be a minefield. There isn't really a way to have the conversation without having to also discuss related topics that people are both passionate about, and incredibly uncomfortable with. Things like misogyny, feminism, rape culture, morals, religious beliefs, privilege, male entitlement, female sexuality, and social obligations all come if you're going to try and talk about this subject.
It's hard enough getting people to talk about any of those subjects without getting all worked up, so trying to talk about something that combines all of them and more is typically pretty messy. Gabrielle obviously understood the arguments she'd be up against, so she hit her readers with a hard and heavy dose of facts, references, and analogies. That doesn't make the topic any less difficult to navigate for some people, though.
As can be expected with this sort of thing, the responses were intense.
Some people absolutely agreed, even if they didn't like it.
@designmom The only thing I would add is that even in wanted pregnancies, sometimes there still needs to be an abor… https://t.co/y2fiItynbW— Janet (@Janet)1536887100.0
@WeAreBokTV @designmom @SunCityDiane I just wanna say thank you, thank you for reading it all the way through, for… https://t.co/Gd7FHsLD9M— 🦁⚔️Anna Hawkins⚔️🦁 (@🦁⚔️Anna Hawkins⚔️🦁)1536974173.0
@kiltannen It's true IUDs seem to work for some woman, but not for all. Let's remember, both condoms and vasectomie… https://t.co/BRvi9dbnfK— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair)1537169434.0
@andys1960 @designmom And to think, not only have I always been responsible about my ejaculation, I've also always… https://t.co/GmI19MJ7fC— Joseph Musniskey (@Joseph Musniskey)1537119902.0
@designmom @soulshine_raine My thought process (as a man) reading this thread: https://t.co/ttG1k28vii— Jake Walker (@Jake Walker)1537147263.0
@designmom I'm pretty moderate in my beliefs and wanted to think you were going a little overboard with this, but..… https://t.co/zpLLqTwJs1— Carrie (@Carrie)1537128048.0
The men's responses were particularly interesting - and divided.
@Justin25671135 @designmom It's the men who are not responsible for their actions who cause the problem, so let's f… https://t.co/EXm9RjkM3h— Alyn Adams (@Alyn Adams)1536940358.0
@James_Mathewson @designmom @kit1811 So a man has to be a father have to a lot of interest in and care for women an… https://t.co/GPdcsSoMeL— Laura Rashley (@Laura Rashley)1537022981.0
@designmom I don't even understand her argument and her theories are based on generalization. There's no study, no… https://t.co/Vkt7RUKuMY— Kene (@Kene)1537174427.0
@designmom I read every single tweet and I haven’t heard anyone say it better. If men had to deal with the issues f… https://t.co/clKFFQ5ETS— Nate (@Nate)1537161693.0
@designmom @krmercier Just say no to penetrative sex if the guy doesn’t wear a condom then? Like I said before, men… https://t.co/fzDUrFidu4— V || 532 hrs (@V || 532 hrs)1536905741.0
@TownsendForNV @designmom From a dude who’s focused on solutions, we might expect better than deflection, no?— Steven Kabachia (@Steven Kabachia)1537127634.0
@vincerCFO @designmom No, @designmom is not wrong. She’s so right and you’re so obviously in denial, I’m surprised… https://t.co/wd6W0yi9cz— Eric Morin (@Eric Morin)1537112370.0
@designmom I find it funny (not) that all the responses that are "not all men" and "youre wrong" and generally disa… https://t.co/dsFIu8EAim— 🎄jingleboots🎄 (@🎄jingleboots🎄)1537121447.0
Gabrielle's posts, her points and her rhetorically-posed solutions still have people talking. At the point of this article, her post has been shared over 70 thousand times and has more than 6,000 replies. We want your thoughts too, so sound off in the comments section.
We aren't perfect. There's plenty of things in our pasts that we look back and cringe at.
That being said, sometimes those cringe moments go far past cringe. Sometimes they get to the point of no return awfulness because that's where our human nature took us in this moment.
He's Not Dead<p>When I was 17 my brother walked into a room where I was lying down on my back and stamped on my chest. </p><p>I saw red and stood up and punched him square in the face, unfortunately this was in a doorway in front of a staircase, which he fell down backwards and when he hit the wall at the bottom folded up in such a way I thought I'd killed him. </p><p>He didn't move for what seemed like forever and I was certain he was dead, the world just spinning out around me. </p><p>He wasn't dead, obviously, but knocked out briefly and he never laid a finger on me again, after being the kind of nasty bully who had spent much of my childhood just randomly beating on me for his own enjoyment.</p><p>Those were the longest seconds of my life.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/MrSpindles/" target="_blank">MrSpindles</a></p>
Complete And Total Taking Over<p>I don't know about "haunts" but it makes me cringe. In public school we had this thing in our school called 'Jumpstart for Kids' where you'd go around, often door to door, collecting money for this charity once a year. </p><p>Anyway I was 12 and I liked a boy in highschool and he convinced me to take the envelope and go door to door and collect money... to give to him so he could buy a drum set. </p><p>I walked around collecting from all these sweet people who told me I was so nice for collecting money for underprivileged kids. Fortunately I got caught and my parents made me donate it instead. So embarrassing.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/heather-rch/" target="_blank">heather-rch</a></p>
Scene Of The Crime<p>Provincial Park, pay shower, 12 years old, line-up to get in. Towards the end of my turn in the shower, get the urge to poop. Cannot hold it. Using a sock to smoosh the last of it down the drain, water turns off. Out of quarters. Put a towel over my head, run out of there past the line-up.</p><p> Get back to the camp site, immediately change clothes, shoes, hairstyle, put on a ball cap. Work up the courage to go by the area later on, it is all cordoned off. Hear people angrily discussing how someone took a dump in the shower.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/eskerhobolo/" target="_blank">eskerhobolo</a></p>
When Bullying A Bully Isn't Worth It<p>We had a camper in this large campground at a lake when I was growing up. Tons of families with kids riding bicycles and golf carts up and down the gravel roads through the property. </p><p>There was this one kid that was a few years older than me (I was 10, he was probably 12 or so) who's dad was the security guard and they lived on site and he was the biggest punk in the park. He'd try and wrestle you in the pool, throw rocks at you as you were fishing, ride off on your bike if you left it laying around, bully and hit smaller kids, even girls. </p><p>I was driving the golf cart down a pretty steep, gravel hill one day when I came up on him on his bike, going the same way as me. He never turned around to acknowledge I was there so I got up just to the side of him and turned HARD right into him. We were both going probably 10-15 miles an hour down this hill. </p><p>He took a nasty spill and rolled off the side of the road and wasn't moving. I kept on going, acting like nothing happened. We were completely isolated so no one saw me. I remember him getting taken away in an ambulance and hearing that he'd been hurt pretty bad.</p><p> I immediately felt remorse for what I'd done but never said a word to anyone. He or anyone else never had any idea I did it either. I look back now and think about how much of a financial strain I put on that family, seeing as how they were already living in a camper. That was a really REALLY evil thing I did and it still crosses my mind quite often.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/harp9r/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">harp9r</a></p>
Not Hurting<p>So you know the carnival horses you can sit on outside of grocery stores (back in the 90's). Well I wanted to ride one and this sweet old woman tried to help me get on, slipped, and really really hurt herself falling into the ride. I just remember hearing her scream and I got scared and ran away.<br></p><p>I'm 31 years old and think about that day at least once a week.</p><p><span></span><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/packhawk2689/" target="_blank">packhawk2689</a></p>
Gotta Get Up, Gotta Get Out<p>Easy. When I was 5, I burned my house down.</p><p>We were living in a small home, me, my sister, mom, dad. I was supposed to be in the bed, but I wanted a toy or <em>something</em> that was under my bed, and I didn't want to wake my parents by turning on my light... soooo I grabbed my dad's cigarette lighter and light the flame under my bed. Needless to say it went up like a match. </p><p>My dad tried to stomp the fire out after I started screaming fire, burning his leg horribly. My room and the source of the fire was blocking EVERY other bedroom from escape, so everyone had to jump out of a window. Funnily enough, I don't remember the world-class a** whipping I must have received for that. I just cringe at the thought that I almost killed all of us being a dumb kid.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Paradigm_Pizza/" target="_blank">Paradigm_Pizza</a></p>
Escape<p>I was married to an insanely abusive man. After two years I escaped and he killed himself shortly after. Not sure if it was him avoiding charges, or avoiding his deployment but his family decided it was 100% my fault. They told the police I gave him the gun and encouraged him. </p><p>That was investigated and unfounded. What they didn't know was he'd scanned and emailed me his suicide note the wee hours of the morning of. The police didn't find the note. Of course I handed it over when they asked. His family would not believe I wasn't involved or at fault and harassed me for a long time. </p><p>If I got a job and they found out about it they'd call and leave so many complaints I'd get let go. Found out what I drove and had their other kids and their friends follow me. </p><p>I ended up having to leave that town and disappearing to avoid them. But before I did, I printed a copy of his suicide note, found his moms car at her job, and left it on the window shield. That note detailed the abuse his father put him through, his rage at his mother for never leaving him and making himself and his siblings live with the SOB. </p><p>That he never wanted me to blame myself, that this was his way of getting the hell away from them and the damage he caused. I felt pretty bad for awhile. But at the same time.... they literally wouldn't leave me alone and stalked me for 5 years.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/TinyTinasRabidOtter/" target="_blank">TinyTinasRabidOtter</a></p>
If You Give A Pup A Shower<p>Bored in the house one day alone when I was about 10, so decided to give my dog a shower, I genuinely loved my dog, he was my best friend growing up, but for some unknown reason I decided to turn the shower onto hot water only (extremely hot) and started showering him. There was a delay I guess in him reacting because his fur was so thick, which meant I kept it on him for a few seconds.</p><p>suddenly He started yelping like dogs do when in pain, his instincts were to not be aggressive or try to escape but just looked at me scared and confused.</p><p>I panicked smashed on the cold and cooled him down as quick as I could.</p><p>Fortunately he was not 'burnt' or had any ongoing issues, he never even lost trust in me.</p><p>I felt physically sick and ashamed in myself for days after, and obviously it still bothers me 20 years later.</p><p>The good thing to come from it is that I was so disturbed by my action that I have never knowingly inflicted pain on anyone or anything since.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/ChrisLeeHD/" target="_blank">ChrisLeeHD</a></p>
Caught In The Act<p>I was at school and for no reason at all, I eavesdropped a very private and delicate conversation between one of my teachers and her husband. </p><p>Then she opened the door and saw me eavesdropping. It was beyond humiliating and I deserved the scolding afterwards. I was young and stupid obviously, but when I remember the look on her face, I still cringe hard, even if it's been almost 20 years.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/naydeilinsei/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">naydeilinsei</a></p>
Shunned<p>Second grade, I had a classmate (fake name Sasha) who was kinda awkward. Crooked teeth, quiet, not too bright. Didn't really have any friends within the class, though she did have some people she would hang out with at recess. </p><p>In any case, a boy in the grade above us, a friend of my brother's actually, for some reason decided to spread a rumor among all of us that Sasha had lice and to stay away from her. </p><p>I bought it without a second thought, and so did most of us; as far as I know, she wasn't particularly teased, but she was just shunned. No one talked to her. </p><p>She was around till the end of the year and didn't come back for third grade. No clue what happened to her, but I really hope we didn't mess her up too much.</p><p>Next summer, I got the worst case of head lice my pediatrician had ever seen. Karma, my dudes.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Isabel79540/" target="_blank">Isabel79540</a></p>
I don't miss high school or the people in it. People who seem to have peaked in high school also weird me out. How? Why? I can definitely tell you that life got much more interesting the older I got (my 20s were way more fun than any of my time in high school). If you were to ask me if I have any regrets, I suppose I would say that I wish I had been more assertive and stood up for myself more. Depression has a way of complicating goals like that, though. Let me tell you: It feels nice to be so much healthier than I was then.
After Redditor Sub2735 asked the online community, "What's your biggest regret from high school?" people shared their stories.
"I'm sure the mentality..."<p>Being too shy, I'm sure the mentality that everyone hated me wasn't very good for making friends.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lv5ytu/what_is_your_biggest_regret_from_high_school/gpad84o?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">aeflare</a></p>
"I'm not sure how it could have gone differently..."<p>Dropping out. I am not sure how it could have gone differently, but I do wish it had. It was expensive to upgrade all that education to get into post-secondary, and I also missed out on a lot of social things.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lv5ytu/what_is_your_biggest_regret_from_high_school/gpafhng?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">DaughterEarth</a></p>
"I was already pretty cynical..."<p>I was told I had received a full-ride scholarship, so I stopped putting in any effort on other scholarships. When the time came, it wound up being awarded to someone who applied late, got it due to their family's income level, and then dropped out of college after one month. My first two years of college were a financial nightmare as I had to pay my own way on everything (except rent, as I lived at home and commuted across state lines for work and college). If I had $50 at the end of the month, that was a damn good month. I couldn't get student loans and my parents refused to help, so I had worked out a deal with the financial office at college to pay something like $550 a month, which was about 90% of my income.</p><p>I regret not confronting whoever made that decision about the scholarship. I somewhat regret not putting in the effort to get other scholarships at the same time, but I can't blame myself for it either.</p><p>I was already pretty cynical at that point, but that was when I realized just how quickly your back becomes a knife block for someone else's optics.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lv5ytu/what_is_your_biggest_regret_from_high_school/gpalo5m?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">A_Garbage_Account</a></p>
"I used to daydream..."<p>I used to daydream about going back one day and burning it to the ground, but it's just been demolished by land developers. So I guess that dream's dead.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lv5ytu/what_is_your_biggest_regret_from_high_school/gpafcpx?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">EducationTangle06</a></p>
I suppose the phrase, "Always follow your dreams"...<p>...doesn't apply in this case.</p>
"Acting like a clown..."<p>Acting like a clown, annoying everyone to the point where no one really stayed in contact with me after, and taking my precious little charter school for granted.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lv5ytu/what_is_your_biggest_regret_from_high_school/gpae5ak?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">SalFunction12</a></p>
I have a friend who has expressed similar concerns about his time in high school.<p>He ended up spending his college years going to therapy and maturing. His clownish antics were a coping mechanism for a lot of crap going on in his life at the time. He's happier and healthier now and that's what matters.</p>
"To be fair..."<p><span>Dating my best friend. To be fair that's how I found out a lot of people weren't really my friends but getting ghosted afterward really hurt.</span></p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lv5ytu/what_is_your_biggest_regret_from_high_school/gpasudw?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">kannacantplay</a></p>
"She got tired..."<p>I took my crush to Daft Punk Alive 2007 instead of my best friend. She wasn't responding all day, and I was with my friend. We were about to leave when she called. She'd been with her boyfriend all day and had forgotten about the concert. I took her. My buddy was disappointed but cool about it.</p><p>She got tired of being on the floor halfway through so we sat in the bleachers. We started walking out before the encore because she wanted to get home sooner.</p><p>Always wanted to take my buddy to a Daft Punk show after that, and was going to, no matter where or how much it cost. But I'll never get the chance.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lv5ytu/what_is_your_biggest_regret_from_high_school/gpbd6so?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">spanishgrapelaw</a></p>
"Looking back now..."<p>I regret not telling my crushes how I felt about them. Looking back now, I know that those puppy love relationships probably wouldn't have developed into anything long term and I no doubt would've had my heart broken when they inevitably ended but, I can't help but wonder: What if?</p><p>Having cultivated a host of insecurities by the time I got to high school, I was really good at hiding my inner thoughts and feelings - I also probably didn't see myself very clearly. So, I just assumed that there was zero chance of my crushes reciprocating my feelings and never said anything to them about it. I also probably sub-consciously ignored any signs that they were interested in me (again, didn't see myself clearly, was very insecure).</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lv5ytu/what_is_your_biggest_regret_from_high_school/gpazwl2?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Vegoceraptor</a></p>
"The world is wider..."<p>Not engaging with opportunities available to me and just looking at it like a holding pen just before adulthood.</p><p>It may seem hokey, but join clubs, try out lots of sports, pursue interests, pay attention in class and engage with your peers.</p><p>The world is wider for adolescents than I allowed myself to believe it was at the time.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lv5ytu/what_is_your_biggest_regret_from_high_school/gpaxnsf?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Big_Requirement_3540</a></p>
"I already knew I was quitting..."<p>Senior year I had the option of a guaranteed internship and doing half days at school. Turned it down because my parents wanted me to be in band (and I enjoyed it so didn't put up a fight).</p><p>I already knew I was quitting when I went to college. The internship would have been great experience to propel my studies/career.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lv5ytu/what_is_your_biggest_regret_from_high_school/gpatszd?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">ClubbsMcLubbs</a></p>
High school isn't easy.<p>Nor is it particularly fun for a lot of people. Remember how awful being a teenager was? Remember what it was like to feel like you were at the whim of your hormones all the time? It's an emotional rollercoaster. It's no wonder so many people would rather close the book on high school once it's over (or have some regrets related to their time there).</p><p>Have your own stories? Feel free to share them in the comments below.</p>
When we are on the outside looking in, it can feel so obvious that a relationship is doomed.
When we offer advice to friends, family, or people oversharing at a party, the correct next move often seems wildly obvious: get out of that relationship.
Enough Was Enough<p>"He was mentally ill, possibly with Paranoid Personality Disorder, definitely delusional, maybe schizophrenic. I was accused of all types of things, affairs, being part of plots to 'get' him, even urinating on his toothbrush."</p><p>"I stayed for 3 years after I knew I no longer loved him because I knew he would spiral without someone to look after him. He had destroyed every relationship with his friends and family because they were all also out to 'get' him."</p><p>"I finally told him I would only stay if he got help, which he refused. So I left."</p><p>"I was right about him spiralling. He went from sharehouse to sharehouse as all the other tenants were 'out to get him'. He eventually ended up homeless for a while is now facing 18 different charges so will probably end up in jail."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lv3k1j/seriouspeople_who_have_stayed_with_someone_they/gpal6ip?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">damekl</a></p>
An Unfortunately Common Response to Fading Love<p>"She threatened to kill herself and even though I wanted out of the relationship, i didnt want her to be hurt or die. I remember us arguing about something very trivial but she was getting very upset. She walked out mid conversation and came back with cuts all over her legs and thighs."</p><p>"I tried getting help from parents, school counselors, doctors. None helped. So i just tried to manage as much as I can. Eventually she joined the military & moved away and that was the moment I was finally free."</p><p>"Years wasted though."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lv3k1j/seriouspeople_who_have_stayed_with_someone_they/gpab7fm?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">corazon_im_hurt</a></p>
A Bare Bones Story<p>"Short version: domestic violence."</p><p>"Long version: I was afraid to leave because I believed he would find me and kill me."</p><p>"Conclusion: He pushed me too far and I ran."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lv3k1j/seriouspeople_who_have_stayed_with_someone_they/gpaizjk?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">AliceMorgon</a></p>
Tipping Over the Edge<p>"He was a violent drug addict and I was scared of what he may do if I left. I never truly loved him but our relationship became very codependent very quickly."</p><p>"He cheated on me, took advantage of the fact that I had a car and money, but I still stayed because he was always threatening to kill himself or to kill my cats."</p><p>"Then one night he literally backed me into a corner and tried to punch me in the head so that finally made me open my eyes and realize I had to get out."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lv3k1j/seriouspeople_who_have_stayed_with_someone_they/gpb5z6l?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Theging96666</a></p>
Optics<p>"She's terminally ill, and dying of Cancer, even though she is abusive now, and was before, I can't really leave, the social pressure to be a *good man* plus the cost of divorce and everything else is just too much, at this point it's just easier to wait it out."</p><p>"Plus I really like her family, and if I left her when she was sick...it would pretty much kill that relationship."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lv3k1j/seriouspeople_who_have_stayed_with_someone_they/gpbm18j?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Boise_State_2020</a></p>
Always a Reason to Stay<p>"We were living together at 16, she cheated on me and I told her I wanted her to leave, she begged me not to send her back to her moms house because they have like 8 people in a 2 bedroom house and because she would've had nowhere else to go."</p><p>"I was 16 I didn't know how to handle a girl literally begging me so I let her stay against my better judgement and it created a hurtful cycle of falling in and out of love."</p><p>"Feeling like things could get better and then having my world come crashing down every time I look at her because I think of reading the message of the guy saying he loved watching her get on top of him."</p><p>"A couple of years go by and we're not in love, just tolerating each other at this point and then we got pregnant, stayed together through the pregnancy but the stress was too much for both of us and caused fighting, sleeping apart, more cheating."</p><p>"When the baby was born she had finally turned 18 and we moved away our relationship got much better with each other, we're best friends now and are just trying our best to raise our daughter to be healthy and happy and know she's loved."</p><p>"Neither of us had good childhoods."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lv3k1j/seriouspeople_who_have_stayed_with_someone_they/gpa47ed?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Lapidot-Wav</a></p>
For the In-Laws<p>"I lived with a man I never loved. His mum was also living with us and I loved her more than my own biological mum."</p><p>"She was the nicest, kindest and the most caring soul I have ever met in my life. I left that man when he told me that he knew I was only with him because of his mum. That was 20 years ago but I still miss her every single day."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lv3k1j/seriouspeople_who_have_stayed_with_someone_they/gpbz7av?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Mayfl21</a></p>
A Sudden Shift<p>"I was with my wife for 14 years. For at least half of that, I wasn't happy with the relationship. But I had decided I was ok with it because everything about our life together was acceptable, for lack of a better word."</p><p>"We owned a house, made good money, got along well, shared hobbies, etc. We were basically roommates/best friends who just didn't love each other the way you would normally expect from a married couple."</p><p>"When the pandemic hit, and we were forced to stay home more and spend time with each other EVERY DAY, we started to get a better sense of how well we actually tolerated each other. It didn't go well."</p><p>"She ended up getting really into online gaming and met some other guys and basically cheated on me. In retrospect, it was obvious it would reach that point."</p><p>"But I was content to stay there as long as I could because it was a comfortable life with very little stress and obligation."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lv3k1j/seriouspeople_who_have_stayed_with_someone_they/gpaadi2?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">knucklehead923</a></p>
Slow Fade<p>"I was no longer as 'in love' with her. But I still loved her. After years together it could become tricky to figure out exactly what It's just a lull and what is it really going away."</p><p>"I was still living with my best friend. But ended it because once we really realized that I wasn't feeling the same way anymore. I was just hurting her for me to stay since she was still in love."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lv3k1j/seriouspeople_who_have_stayed_with_someone_they/gpa6h2s?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">collin3000</a></p>
Wise, But a Little Sad<p>"We have good chemistry and built a life together. After a lot of years, love comes and goes. It is like the seasons."</p><p>"As cold as it can be in the winter, if you put the effort in, the spring will always come back."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lv3k1j/seriouspeople_who_have_stayed_with_someone_they/gpa41jl?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Aizpunr</a></p>
Some people don't take breakups very well. And those that don't can sometimes engage in behavior that others might view as bothersome, unsettling, even toxic.
Others engage in abusive behavior during the relationship, a major red flag that some people might not take seriously until it's too late.
After Redditor XYZ3110 asked the online community, "What's the creepiest thing an ex has done?" people shared their stories.