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People Describe The F**ked Up Things They Saw As A Child That They Were Completely Oblivious To

People Describe The F**ked Up Things They Saw As A Child That They Were Completely Oblivious To
Kat J on Unsplash/Reddit

WARNING: the following article contains discussion of suicide/self-harm

As much as many parents try to shield their kids from the dangers of society, children inevitably witness the very things parents protect them from seeing.

Although children are unable to process many of the problems they may witness at any given time, the unsettling visuals stay with them.

Eventually, in adulthood, they experience an epiphany about the past.


Curious to hear about horrific experiences from strangers online, Redditor titanic_trash asked:

"What’s something f'ked up you witnessed as a child that you were oblivious to until you grew up?"

Although they may never volunteer information, many families have skeletons in the closet.

Mom's Mental Condition

"When I was 5 or 6, my mom used to never want to get out of bed and just kept saying she was sick. Finally, my stepdad took her to a hospital, where she stayed for nearly a month. I thought it was so cool that her hospital let her do arts and crafts all the time, plus she got better and started doing arts and crafts with me too when she got home. I remember telling her that I wished I could go to the hospital and draw all day."

"She sat me down and told me that she hoped I would never get sick like she did, but if I do, there's nothing wrong with needing help to get better, even if you have to go somewhere for a little while to do it."

"It wasn't until I was probably 12 or 13 and didn't want to get out of bed myself that it clicked that the hospital she had gone to was a mental health hospital. But because of her, I've never felt shame about needing therapy when things are getting bad, or even just to maintain a healthy mindset."

– kenda1l

The Drunk Uncle

"I wasn't a child but when I was in college I lived with my uncle Tom, who was only 4 years older than me. He used to come home from work with a six pack of beer and would crack one open as he walked in the door and offer me one."

"15 years later, just before he died a meth addict, we talked about the good 'ol days when we lived together. He confessed to me that after work he would but a six pack and a 40 oz beer. He would drink the entire 40 oz bottle and then walk into the house like he was just cracking his first can of beer. That always stuck with me."

– Loggerdon

Deep Depression

"My mom attempting suicide in front of me on more than one occasion, as well as being in the car as my dad drove her to the hospital after said suicide attempts."

– Resident-Mention-481

Lighting Up

"My mom used to let me watch cartoons late at night in her room as long as I didn’t turn around or be too loud. I would always hear her flicking a lighter but didn’t think too much about it. Years later I found out she was smoking meth right behind me and blowing it out the window, she would use me as a excuse as to why she was awake if my step dad woke up and caught her."

– dirtydandii

Major Withdrawals

"My uncle withdrawing from drugs. He was always the fun loud crazy uncle. I was around 10 and my mom and I came home from somewhere and when we pulled up he was sitting outside and said he needed a place to stay."

"My mom had to work the next day and he and I were both hanging out at the house and I could tell he didn't feel well and was dry heaving. It was really scary."

"I asked him if I should call 911 and he said no he'd be okay. I had no idea he had drug problems until I became an adult. He passed away not too long ago from liver failure."

– CoolHipLady

Complimentary Grandma

"When I was probably around 4-6 years old I used walk my grandma up stairs at her house every time we visited. She said she liked holding my hand. When I went to her room she’d always compliment my shirts and be like 'what’s this on your shirt here called?'”

"And I’d say 'Oh that’s Winnie the poo' Or whatever I was wearing. And she’d go on to tell me stories about the character or talk a bit about it."

"When I was 16 I learned she’d been blind for years. She’d ask me to hold her hand up the stairs so that I could help guide her to her room. She’d ask what was on my shirt bc she could feel a pattern on it."

"Idk why but that kind of made me feel both sad and very loved? Like she couldn’t see anymore but she never wanted to let me worry about it and still managed to compliment what I was wearing all the time. She passed away while I was still very young but those memories stuck like glue."

"Edit: Waking to everyone’s replies on this post was so nice! Thanks everyone for all the love for grandma! _. I’m glad people found this post heartwarming in the midst of the rest of this thread."

"I guess I found it f'ked up just bc while she was alive I thought I would have wanted to know bc there were times where I (as a 5 year old) would think to myself 'man’s grandma always forgets who Mickey is' LOL And when I later found out I remember thinking 'oh god I’m such an idiot' or felt bad that I thought she just had bad memory or something."

"My immediate thought was I wish I would have known so I could have given her even more love. But as I got older (almost 30 now) I realized it probably made her really happy to hangout with someone for a while who didn’t ever think of the disability and just spent time with her. So yeah, thank you again, I appreciate all the awards too I know those cost money so wow, thank you!"

– ADirtyCasual

Predatory Grandfather

"I have a big family (aunts uncles cousins ext) and whenever a reunion came around all the adults told us not to be alone with our grandfather (their own father). It turns out that he was a child molester, even his own kids couldn't escape him until adulthood. They lived in very rural Rocky Mountains where the closest neighbor was five miles away."

– Express_Topic_4081

This is why proper vetting of adults as role models is crucial.

The "Odd" Babysitter

"My really odd babysitter got fired after she broke her glass table. I was playing with her son in another room when we heard a crash. She actually used to lock us in his room a lot. I don't recall much but I remember a big commotion soon after."

"I remember my dad screaming at my mom that night about how I was banned from going over there ever again and how it was my mothers fault for letting me go over there (which I didn't understand)."

"Grew up to find out that babysitter was shooting up and fell through that glass table. Neighbors had heard the crash and rushed over and found her high as a kite with 2 kids locked in a room (me and her kid)."

– NotBadSinger514

Her Foaming Mouth

"Damn. I have a similar story. My babysitter was having trouble with her bf and tried to commit suicide while watching My sister, brother and I. My brother and I were 3, sister 4. She drank bleach and bee spray."

"I can vaguely remember looking at her foaming mouth in curiosity. My sister had the wherewithal to call my mother at work and tell her that Audrey was foaming out of her mouth because of what she drank. My mother called 911 and Audrey made it. Years later she asked my mother for a reference LOL 😆"

– GiantBlueSmurf

Church Secret

"A guy who was forced out of the church and none of the kids knew why. 30 years later he was arrested for pedophilia dating back to when he was kicked out of the church. All the kids loved him as he always showed a ton of interest in us. Turns out, the church covered for him to not lose face and he went on to molest more kids across the state for 30 more years."

"Here is the guy"

– ph3l0n

The "Kind" Officer

"In 5th grade when we had the D.A.R.E program, there was this police officer that came to my class to teach us about drugs and drugs prevention and whatnot. He for some reason had a fondness for me. He told me I looked like his son and from then on would call me 'my son.' He would always massage my shoulders and ask me about my life and sh*t. At the time I thought it was kinda cool, because the police officer gave me more attention than everyone else. A bunch of years later, I saw in our local news paper that that police officer was arrested for child molestation and child pornography."

– HAN_CH0LO

​Taking Advantage Of Innocence

"My friends in Junior high (around 13-14 y/o) having relationships with older men... Men in their 50s. They were so proud of it, also they were so proud of being sexually active with them. And when I was a kid I never once thought that was weird, I would just think oh it's their boyfriends... So that's ok, yes?"

"Then I grew up, learn things about the world and realized how f'ked up that was, I wish I knew better and I wish I had gone to the police. I still feel bad to this day in my 30s."

– PenutLover

People from broken homes or in abusive relationships often avoid talking about their situation.

The Trigger

"Finding out that breaking a cup or spilling a drink wasn’t a big deal was quite an eye opener, watching my girlfriend look at me like I’m nuts while I apologise for 20 minutes about dropping a glass of water made me reevaluate a lot of my childhood."

– HELLFIRECHRIS

Bruised Mother

"Went to a friend's house on the weekend to play video games at the age of about 10. We had a good time and played a lot of games on the ps2. His mom came upstairs from the basement to ask if we wanted food."

"I turned around and said yes please and before I could finish saying please I noticed she had a black eye. I asked my friend what happened to his mom's face and he said 'I can't say.' 10 year old me just said oh okay and we preceded to play video games. I didn't realize until I was about 19 this happened."

– bardownhockey15

The Lonely Girl

"On a day out with my dad when I was little I was playing in the park with a girl same age as me I didn’t know her but she was on her own , me and my dad left after an hour or so leaving the girl on her own again , obviously my dad asked where her parents were etc..."

"Later on that night there was a big story on the news about a girl who had been abducted and all my family kept asking me question about this little girl . It went right over my head at the time being about 5 yrs old . 40 yrs later I still think about her."

– Eve-76

The Friend Who Changed

"From 4th to 6th grade, I would go to a friends regularly. For most of the friendship his mom was super nice and engaged with us as kids, while his dad had always been this mysterious person at a high powered job that everyone tip-toed around once he got home."

"My friend’s attitude started changing near the end of our friendship, being abusive to his dog that he used to be obsessed with and overall high strung. Parents were a little off compared to before."

"I stayed for dinner one night like I had before many times and his mom sits down with a black eye. I was confused, like, how did she get hurt? It was a bit awkward, but the dad was there and those meals were more about finishing up than chatting. I guess everything was always less fun when he was around."

"My friend was not the same as he was before. More aggressive and that wasn’t my style. Our friendship just kind of waned off."

"I didn’t realize till many years later that his dad was likely an abusive a**hole, was hitting his wife, and maybe his sons. I'll never forget the weird anxiety that filled the house in those last few months, and that my presence may have been a kind of reprieve period where the dad had to play it cool."

"That anxiety did end up pushing me away, and looking back I hope my friend, his brother, and Mom got out of the situation."

– DogsBlimpsShootCloth

The Slap

"When I was about 10, my dad offered to buy me candy and stopped at a store to run in. We had a long drive back and I asked where the candy was. He said in the bag in the back but that he’d get it for me when we got home since he was driving. I said 'it’s okay I can reach it' and as I reached for it he slapped me and said yelled that I can wait until I got home."

"My father had never hit me before that, and never did again after. The most confusing part to me was the look of utter sadness and shock on his face after he hit me."

"My dad was an alcoholic and killed himself before my 18th birthday."

"It wasn’t until I was older that I understood he had bought a bottle of vodka and forgot to place it in its own bag…or that I hadn’t seen him drinking water all those times he disappeared to his truck and I snuck to the window to watch where he went."

– WhatATravisT

Domestic Violence

"my dad drowning my mom on her birthday. he grabbed her and went outside to the front yard and placed the hose in front of her face and turned the water on. he was laughing while my mom was screaming and crying. neighbors saw and didn’t do anything. after a few minutes he stopped."

"my mom went inside, changed and went to work. i could only imagine how my mom felt afterwards."

"till this day i think about that when it’s her birthday."

– itbelikewat10

If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/

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People Who Wouldn't Quit Their Job If They Won The Lottery Explain What They Do

Reddit user BITE_AU_CHOCOLAT asked: 'People who wouldn't quit their job even if you won the lottery, what's your job?'

lottery tickets
Erik Mclean on Unsplash

A lot of workers daydream about some day winning the lottery and being able to say goodbye to their job.

Far too many workers are unhappy with their job duties, workplace dynamics or company culture.

But with a taste for luxuries like housing and food, they keep plugging away, year after year.

However not everyone feels that way about their job.

So what are these compelling careers?

Keep reading... Show less
Therapist talking during session
Photo by Mark Williams on Unsplash

Some people stand firmly stand behind their beliefs that everyone would benefit from therapy and that therapy is life-changing.

It's because of the totally life-changing truth bombs their therapist had dropped during their sessions.

Curious, Redditor anonymiss0018 asked:

"What is a little bombshell your therapist dropped in one of your sessions that completely changed your outlook?"

Communication Issues

"'If you don’t have these problems with any other person in your life, why do you think you’re the problematic person in this one?'"

- maggiebear

"I love this. I have a 'friend' who I always seem to run into misunderstandings with. Every time we had a conversation, it somehow turned into a debate even if it was me talking about my day. The conversations were never easy."

"I always evaluate myself first and take into consideration his critiques. He was very good at convincing me that I was contradicting myself or wasn't good at communicating my thoughts."

"I NEVER had this issue with ANYONE else in my life. I kept trying to figure out where the miscommunication was coming from. In the end, I just minimized contact and now I don't run into this issue."

- chobani_yo

"I read this quote somewhere once (and probably have it a bit wrong): 'It's a waste of time arguing with someone who is determined to misunderstand you.'"

- Reddit

Emotional Regulation

"'You can’t control your emotions, but you can control what you do with them.'"

"At the time, I was a young adult who had learned zero healthy emotional regulation skills (only suppression and shaming) growing up, so this blew my mind."

- lil_mermaid

Tough Relationships

"'It sounds to me like you are trying to convince yourself to stay with your girlfriend. I'm not so sure it should be so difficult.'"

"At the time he said this, I remember it was like he said, 'The earth is flat.' I thought he was crazy when he suggested relationships don't need to be difficult. But eventually, I started to realize I was trying to change myself to stay with this person rather than just being who I am."

"It took me three more months to finally break up with her but from that day on, I vowed to never again abandon myself just to be with someone I had convinced myself was better than me."

- metric88

High-Stress Situation

"I was at a high-stress time, and I asked her how people live like this."

"She replied, 'Oftentimes they have cardiac events.' She said it as an urging to care for myself as much as possible."

- KittenGr8r

The End of Alcohol

"I was struggling with my alcoholism, and we were discussing how I had been cutting back."

"She asked what I would consider success, with regard to my drinking."

"I said I wanted to get to a point where it wasn't interfering with my daily life. I wanted to just be able to have a glass of wine at holiday dinners or family gatherings."

"She simply asked me why. Why was it important for me to drink at those times?"

"It was as if she'd turned on a light. Alcohol had always been a key ingredient in every family function, for my entire life. When I smell bourbon, I think of my uncle. When I smell vermouth, I think of my dad. Alcohol ran through almost every happy childhood memory."

"But, even more than that, I was very afraid of the explanation I'd have to give when family and friends asked why I wasn't having a drink. I had tried to quit before but failed. What if I admitted my problem, only to fall off the wagon?"

"When she asked why I didn't want to completely quit, it was the first time I saw that last part of the big picture. I'd be willing to drink myself to death in order to avoid being scrutinized, or judged for possible future failures."

"That was the day I quit. I've been sober since May 6th, 2017. 2,407 days."

- sophies_wish

Acceptance vs. Enjoyment

"'Accepting something doesn’t mean you have to like it.'"

"That took away a lot of my inner conflicts about situations because I could accept a situation without expending energy internally fighting against the injustice of it."

- alibelloc

Emotionally Immature Parents

"You are not responsible for your parents' emotional wellbeing. They are independent adults who have been on this earth for many more years than you."

- SmokedPears

Not So Lazy

"'Why do you think you're lazy?' Then she listed off all the things she knows I'm doing for my family, my job, and my life."

"It kind of blew my mind when I struggled to come up with an example."

"She also described family dysfunction as water. Some families are messed up in a way that everyone can see the huge waves across the surface. Others are better at hiding it, but there's still a riptide that you can't see unless you're also in the water."

"It made me realize that trying to keep the surface from ever rippling doesn't erase what is happening underneath."

- flybyknight665

The Harm in People-Pleasing

"'Why do you make people more comfortable when you are uncomfortable?' when talking about people pleasing and fawning."

- ERsandwich

Agree to Disagree

"'Stop trying to get everyone to agree. When you need everyone to agree, the least agreeable person has all the power.'"

This really changed my outlook on planning family events."

- freef

Grieve and Start Anew

"For context, I had a major TBI (traumatic brain injury), seizures, strokes, and all around not a fun brain time when I was 28."

"They said, 'You have to grieve the loss of yourself.'"

"Most people wanted me to go back to how I was. The f**ked up truth is that part of my brain is dead. The person everyone (including myself) knew died. I needed to grieve the loss of myself."

- squeaktoy_la

Multifaceted Identity

"They told me that my job and career is just a way to make money; it's not my life or identity. That took a lot of pressure off me."

- unfairpegasus

Breaking the Cycle

"They validated me."

"'You always talk about not wanting to do to your daughters what your mom did to you. You worry about it so much in every interaction you have ever had with them."

"But your children are 19 and 21 now. They are happy and healthy and they trust you because you’ve never abused them in any way. So I just want to validate for you that you really have broken that cycle of violence."

"You did that. And you should be proud of it. I’m proud of you for it.'"

- puppsmcgee74

The Grieving Process

"I was constantly bringing up how I felt like a completely different person after my mom died... like there was a marked difference between before and after her death."

"But once, she was asking about my hobbies, I got really into describing all the things I loved to do or at least used to do before I got into a deep depression."

"She was like, 'Wow, you seem very passionate.'"

"And I just sat there like, 'Well, I mean, I can't change what I like to do, they're still fun to do.'"

"And it's like she knew when to take a step back, because it was like, wow, I may be super depressed about my mom passing, but I'm still me. I'm still my passions and those don't go away."

"I don't know, maybe it only makes sense to be, but it really started getting me back on track."

- Hannibal680

Sharing the Load

"I've never really had friends. I've had colleagues and classmates and housemates and people who have hung out with me, but I never really felt close to any of them."

"And I did that thing you see on here sometimes; I stopped reaching out to see if I would be reached out to, and I wasn't, which I took as confirmation that they didn't really want me around, or at the very least, that they wouldn't mind my absence."

"I was talking to my therapist about people I'd been close to in college, and she told me to pick one and talk about him. So I did. After I shared some basic stuff like his name and his major etc., and a couple of anecdotes, she asked me what else I knew about him."

"And I couldn't answer. It wasn't really a broadly applicable bombshell, but she said, 'What else?' and I started crying because I realized that for as simple as the question was, my inability to answer spoke volumes."

"I've never had good friends because I've never been a good friend. I'm withdrawn and reserved and I always made others do the work to drag me out, without ever extending my own friendship in a meaningful way in return. If I wanted to have meaningful relationships with other people, I would have to build them."

"I'm still working on this, but I'm trying to make more offers and extend more friendliness to others in my daily life."

- Backupusername

The discoveries in this thread were incredibly touching and profound; it's no wonder these were lasting concepts for these Redditors.

It's important to keep ourselves open to inspiration and insights from others, as we have no idea how their experiences could help us, or how we could help them.

Aerial view of a church in a small town
Sander Weeteling/Unsplash

There's something comforting about living in a small town.

It's characterized by close communities where neighbors know each other by name and there is an abundance of kindness extended to others.

Gift-giving is a commonality, as is the sharing of recipes, and people going out of their way to help each other in a time of need.

The pace of living in small towns is also a striking contradiction to city life, where crowds of people go about their busy lives without much interaction.

Curious to hear more examples of what small town living is like, Redditor official_biz asked:

"What's the most 'small town' thing you've witnessed?"

These are positive examples of a tight-knit community.

Live Updates

"We have a village Facebook page. Every time the ice cream man drives into the village, the entire page goes ballistic. People send live updates of where the van is and which direction he's heading. The ice cream man has started accepting DMs so he knows which streets to go down."

– PyrrhuraMolinae

Brush With The Law

"I’m from a town of less than 2,000 people. When I worked at the grocery store there people would often drop off stuff for my family members because they didn’t want to drive all the way down to our house. I no longer live there but recently got a call from my daughter. She had been stopped for speeding and handed over her license and insurance which happens to be in my mother’s name. The officer goes 'Hey, you’re Donnie’s granddaughter! I ain’t gonna write you a ticket but I’m telling Donnie when I see him tomorrow cause we’re going fishing.' She replied 'I think I’d rather have the ticket.'”

- Reddit

Roadside Catchup

"The traffic on the 'main street' of my town is so sparse, two drivers going opposite directions can stop and talk to each other for a few minutes without causing any problem."

– anon

When things go wrong, people take notice without incident.

Bank Robbery

"A guy robbed a bank and everyone knew immediately who he was and the teller got mad at him."

– AlexRyang

"A local bank was robbed and one of the tellers told the police to bring her a yearbook from about ten years earlier and she would be able to point the robber out. He had been in the grade before hers in school."

– Strict_Condition_632

Wise Woman

"When I worked at the bank in town there was an older lady that had worked there through 5 mergers."

"She knew everyone, there was a young guy yelling at me one day. She walked out of the back and he immediately quieted. She went off about telling his grandmother that he was treating young women like sh*t. She also said that if he didn’t straighten up not one girl in town would ever marry him she would make sure of it."

– ilurvekittens

Intoxicated Local

"Town drunk was paralyzed and used a motorized wheelchair to get around. I was driving home one Saturday night and said town drunk was passed out in his wheelchair doing circles almost directly in the town square. Had to call his brother who came and picked him up on a rollback truck. Strapped him down and drove off into the cold dark night."

– DoodooExplosion

Grazing Over To The Bar

"In my former small town, there was an older guy who'd lost his license after getting a few DUIs. Every day, he would ride his John Deere lawnmower to the corner bar around 3PM and sit around watching TV and sipping his beer well into the night. Then he'd head the couple miles back home on his mower. He even had a little canvass shell he put on when it rained or got too cold."

– brown_pleated_slacks

It's not surprising how small town people behave differently than those who are from metropolitan areas.

Welcoming Committee

"I lived in a small town. When I moved there, people would ask, 'Whose house did you buy?'"

–MoonieNine

"Move to a small town. 30 years later, you are still the new guy."

– impiousdrifter

"I lived in a small town for most of my childhood but I wasn't "from there" because my grandparents weren't from there."

– raisinghellwithtrees

"Worked with an older guy, relative of the owner of the business, he was 73. I asked him if he was a local, he said 'no his parents moved here when he was two.'"

– realneil

A Busy Day

"Lived in a town of about 5,000: A woman walked into the DMV on a Friday, saw that there were 3 people ahead of her and left to come back another time when they weren't so busy."

– KenmoreToast

Who Let The Dogs Out?

"My dogs got out while i was working. the police called my niece's elementary school (she was a 5th grader) to get her to round them up and take them back home."

– mediocrelpn

"There was a small kennel behind the police station for runaways. They called us saying they had our dog, and moments later our dog showed up home. He broke out of jail."

– Worried_Place_917

While life in a small town sounds appealing, I don't know if I can ever live in one.

I'm so used to life in big cities, I think it would be quite unnerving to adjust in a neighborhood where everyone literally knows your business.

I would be paranoid.

And I'm sure the same could be said of life in the big city.

Would you consider making the switch to life in a different setting?

Two women laughing
Photo by Dave George on Unsplash

Every now and then, a friend of ours might say something, or we might overhear a complete stranger say something that makes us stop in our tracks.

More often than not, what we can't believe we just heard is something so ridiculous, we can't help but put the person who said it in their place.

Other times, however, what we just heard might have stunned us silent because of how shockingly clever it was.

Resulting in our not wanting to scold or yell at someone, but rather give them a handshake.

Redditor SubmergingOriginal was curious to hear the sharpest and wittiest things they've ever heard, from friends and strangers alike, leading them to ask:

"Enough with the dumbest; what is the wittiest thing you've ever heard someone say?"

Don't Give Me So Much Credit...

'I was on a team at work that was on a project working insane overtime."

"One night after an 80-90 hour week, we were all sitting around the table trying to finish up so we could go home."

"Around 11, my buddy's wife called, dubious about the hours he'd been keeping."

"We heard her through the line - 'are you cheating on me?'"

"Exasperated, he looked at our boss, then replied 'honey, if I was cheating on you, I would have been home by now'."- lionbatcher

Eternal Optimism...

"Asked a blind guy if he'd been blind his whole life."

"He said 'Not yet'."- Feeling_Mode_6465

Free time Isn't The Only Thing He Has On His Hands...

"My brother got a vasectomy and when the doctor was releasing him and giving him instructions (with the nurse listening in), one of the orders was to 'come back and have a follow-up appointment after you’ve ejaculated 30 times'.”

"Without missing a beat my brother asked 'what time do you open tomorrow?'”

"The nurse couldn’t keep it together after hearing that."- UtahUtopia

Awkward Season 8 GIF by The Office Giphy

Double Whammy!

"My pal uses the phrase 'he doesn’t look strong enough to carry information' and it cracks me up every time."

"Calling someone stupid and weak in one fell swoop."- JennyW93

Can't Hide Your DNA...

'Whenever I jokingly insult my mum, she says 'that must be where you get it from'."

"She cracked the code."

"I can never offend her without offending myself."- JennyW93

Self-Sufficient!

"My brother was a line cook at a New Orleans restaurant."

"My mom was in town, staying at a fancy hotel, and he stopped by after work, still wearing his kitchen whites."

"He was reading a newspaper in the lobby waiting for her to come down when the shocked lobby manager sputtered at him, 'MAY I HELP YOU!?!?'

"He answered, 'thanks, but I know how to read',” and went back to his paper."- jobrody

Morph Current Affairs GIF by Aardman Animations Giphy

A Miracle!

"My brother-in-law’s comment."

"The entire family went out for my mother’s 80th birthday and after the meal we all went to a local park, largely occupied by the elderly, to rest."

"My mother needed crutches at this point, and they were resting against her bench."

"My 10-year-old niece, who looked like every starving waif image from Dickens, grabbed the crutches and started hobbling round the park."

"All the OAPs were following her progress with looks of pity until my brother ran up behind her, and kicked away the crutches."

"There was an audible gasp from round the park and then my niece picked the crutches back up and started chasing my brother, clearly intending to hit him."

"In the confused silence my brother-in-law’s voice rang out 'Praise be! She can walk again!'"

"We still think this was the highlight of the birthday celebrations."- DdraigGwyn

Still Legal, Whichever Way You Cut It...

"I picked up my pleasantly tipsy boyfriend from a nightclub."

"We were stopped by the Police for a random breath test."

"They asked me my age, and I said, 33."

"My bf blurted out '33? You told me you were 22'."

"Police just laughed and let me go."- Aggravating-Corgi379

Music Video Police GIF by Andrew W. K. Giphy

A Bit Too On The Nose?

"Business law class in college years ago, talking about the issues that black Americans had before the Civil Rights."

"Amendment, trying to travel through the south with the discrimination so rampant, trying to find restaurants to serve them and decent lodgings."

"My instructor was posing a hypothetical: 'So you pull up out front of this place, you're exhausted from driving for hours, and you see the sign out front says 'Ku Klux Klan Motel'."

"'What would you expect to find there?'"

"Without missing a beat, from the back of the room came this gem: "'Extra sheets in every room?'"- NedsAtomicDB

Not Yet, Anyway...

"I was working with my friend and his dad."

"My friend (26) heard an ice cream truck near where we were working."

"He asked his dad if he could have a couple dollars."

"His dad asked, 'what for?'"

"My friend told his dad that there was an ice cream truck in the neighborhood, and that they were playing music."

"My friends dad told him "'They don't charge anything to listen to the music'."- tatersalad1234567890

Words Escape You In The Literal "Heat" Of The Moment...

"A friend of mine is a teacher and her husband is known for his wit."

"She told this story to him:"

"One day at school a kid took the hall pass and returned reeking like smoke."

"She asked the kid if he’d been smoking and he denied it over and over."

"She was about to send him to the office when she noticed smoke coming from somewhere."

"She told the kid and he realized that he didn’t put his cig out completely and it was burning in his pants pocket."

"The kid noticed and frantically tried to put it out and someone finally poured water on it."

"Her husband sat listening to this with a weird look on his face."

"She asked him what was wrong."

“'What’s wrong???'"

"'This was probably the only chance you’ll have in your life to say literally, ‘liar,liar, pants on fire’ and you missed your chance'."- Luder714

On Fire No GIF by PEEKASSO Giphy

Amazing What You Might Say A Few Drinks In...

"When I went to a renaissance faire once, I went to a beer tent and ordered a Newcastle Brown Ale (seemed the most fitting for the surroundings)."

"The beer wench, without skipping a beat, said, 'Everyone wants a Newcastle - no one wants to remodel!'"- jayhof52

Read The Room People!

"My dad wiped out when skiing down a mountain and lost a ski."

"After a few minutes of hunting for it, he gives up, slings the one remaining ski over a shoulder and starts walking down the mountain in his ski boots."

"About half-way down, another skier stops and goes 'Gee! Did you lose a ski?'"

"My dad instantly replied 'No, I was out for a walk and found one!'"- PeterJoAl

There's a reason your mother always told you to "use your words".

As clever remarks can have a much more lasting effect on people than a push or shove.