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People Describe The Creepiest Experiences They've Had While Camping

People Describe The Creepiest Experiences They've Had While Camping
Tommy Lisbin on Unsplash

Being one with nature also means being one with all nature has to offer. Sometimes, that's more of a curse than a blessing.

Nature is vast and fascinating, and as such, much of it remains unknown.

Encounters with the unknown are not the most desirable outcome of a trip that is supposed to be fun.

It can, in fact, taint the experience.

A Redditorwhose username has been deletedasked:

"Whats the creepiest thing thats happened when you were camping or alone?"

Here were some of those answers.

Leaves And Screams

"Solo camping for the first time, in tent struggling to sleep and all of a sudden hear what sounds like a demon screaming and beating it’s chest. Then another one. Then another one…"

"Turns out koalas make fkn bloodcurdlingly horrible noises at night." -hahaswans

A Simple Trip To The Loo

"I was on a roadtrip by myself and stopped to camp in a small national park in New South Wales. It was off peak so I thought I was completely alone there."

"I found out I wasn't alone when a car came slowly past my camp from further inside the park. It drove around the corner and then about 5 mins later came back slowly driving back into the park again."

"I was pretty weirded out and I wasn't sure if I should leave or not. About 2 hours later after dark the car did another slow creepy drive by of my camp."

"This time I watched it to see where it was going through my binoculars. I saw it stop by the toilet block and realised it was just somebody too lazy to walk to the toilet and they were driving slowly not to disturb me! Sometimes I have too much imagination for my own good lol." -4tehlulz

Hey All You Cool Cats And Kittens

"Once camping in a safari in Africa on the open wild lions protecting from the rain leaned on my tent to sleep under the small canopy."

"I could literally hear them breathing inches away from me and see the tent move as they did. To make it worse I had diarrhea and needed desperately to go. It lasted the whole night."

"We were so close even my fart could trigger them. I honestly thought I’d either have a heart attack or be eaten. Wife woke up in the am completely oblivious. Worst night of my life."-No-Wifi2077

These experiences were so harrowing, they might make you rethink camping at all.

Awooo Awoooooo

"I got a job in another city after six months of unemployment. My sister lived there and said I could stay in her guest bedroom in the basement while they were away in California. Her house was on the very northwest tip of the city and it was January and bitterly cold."

"The very first night I was there I woke up at 1:30am to the sounds of children screaming and wailing. It was so eerie and frightening that I never wandered upstairs to investigate. I just laid there and covered my ears for thirty minutes before it either died down or I fell asleep."

"The next day my sister texted from Disneyland. I asked her if there were kids in her neighborhood who wandered around at night scaring the neighbours. She laughed and said I’d met the local coyotes."-tangcameo

Just A Baby, Go Back To Sleep

"I lived in a tent for a couple summers. One night while sleeping in my hammock I heard an animal sound near by. It was pitch black so I cant see it."

"I’m trying to guess what it is by the sounds it’s making. Not a deer, too fast for a raccoons, doesnt sound like one of my drunken friends. There are bears and coyotes in my area."

"It gets really close to me then I don’t hear it moving for awhile. I think I hear it breathing but maybe not. After a minute I turn in my headlamp and its right next to me and it immediately jumps on to my hammock!"

"It was my buddy’s black lab. He didn’t close the door to his van all the way and he got out. Spent the night cuddled in my hammock."-DannyLameJokes

Will The Sky Fall?

"This happened in the Finland State Forest in Northern Minnesota over the month of August in 2013. I was a fairly fit 34 year old male and have been doing 5-10 trips a year since I was 18. The state forests in MN allow you to disperse camp (camp anywhere you want) as long as you follow 'Leave no trace' principals and aren't on the side major roads."

"I mostly backpack solo since I love the feeling being completely alone in a natural setting. Since there are no clear places to set up a tent, I typically sleeping a backpacking hammock (tarp, hammock, quilt). This particular trip, I was about 4 hiking hours off the road making my own way through an area that I have been wanting to explore for a while."

"It was starting to get late in the day and I decided to set up in this nice maple forest area that wasn't too far from a nice clearing with an overlook. Ever year I read stories about trees falling on people and killing them while they sleep. so I like maples since they don't have as many trees with dead tops (widow makers) as you find in a Birch or Pine forest."

"I don't usually have a fire when I disperse camp since there isn't a fire ring and it's a bit of a hassle most of the time. I do gather materials to make a fire should I need one in an emergency though. After eating my dinner, hanging my food, and going to the bathroom, I decide it's time to read a bit on my kindle and fall asleep."

"After a couple hours of sleep, I find my self awake with a sense of unease. I am a pretty light sleeper when I camp solo, so I wasn't too alarmed by this, but then I hear loud footfalls in the woods and realized this is why my body woke me up. It sounds like a person walking through the leaves, but it honestly could be any animal making its way through the woods."

"After about 30 seconds, the footfalls stop and I then hear a massive creak and a thump from a tree being knocked over and hitting the ground. Ok, that's a bit odd...probably a bear doing what bears do. Then I hear the footfalls again and they are getting closer to where I am sleeping in my hammock. Silence again...followed by another tree being pushed over."

"F**k. I'm debating do get out and try to scare this thing away or just stay quiet and hope it moves on. It's a cloudy night and it dark as it can get. I can't even see my hand in front of my face. I don't want to put my headlamp on and draw it's attention my way."

"There is nothing but silence for what seems like forever. Then I hear more footfalls...getting closer still....groaning tree....whump on the ground. I could feel the tree hit the ground this time. I'm not going to die in my hammock and this thing knows I'm over here. So I hop out and start screaming as loud as I could scream."

"I throw rocks into the woods and make an unholy racket. I hear something run away from me and then it was gone. I decided I needed to let my adrenaline subside, so I started my emergency fire and ate a quick snack. Sunrise was only 3 hours away, but I wasn't going to stick around after that."

"So I tore down my kit and set off towards my car via my GPS. I arrived at my car mid morning and felt paranoid that I was being followed the entire time I hiked back. As I was driving home, I was reflecting on how I specifically chose an area far away from any noticeable dead trees and how bizarre it was to have three trees fall like that."

"It was probably a bear rubbing down it's itchy imagination told me it was a bigfoot and it was messing with me. I still solo backpack, but the experience still puts me on edge on when I am alone in my hammock at night."-outrushoutdoors

Oh...Hey Stranger...

"Back in 2010, my brother, cousin, their girlfriends, and myself were driving out to eastern Washington to camp in the middle of nowhere. We had been driving for several hours, guys in the front car and ladies in a second rear car, and it was just past sunset by the time we made it to the turn off to go down into the canyon."

"As we turned off the main road, something really weird caught my eye and I made some comment like 'Wow that was really weird...' and my cousin turns around wide eyed asking if I saw something too."

"My mind was kind of registering it still and realized I saw what looked like some eerily human like shape standing at the bend in the turn with ragged clothes, and a bloodstained shirt. My cousin confirmed he saw it too and my brother who was driving was getting creeped out and asked us to drop the subject because he didn't see anything."

"We drop it because yeah, no wreckage around and we probably just saw a weird road sign. So anyway we drive the last 20 minutes down into this valley and pull up to our remote spot and start unpacking the car."

"When the girlfriends get out of their car, they ask us if we saw the creepy expressionless figure that looked like it had a bloody ragged shirt on staring at our cars as we passed them to go down into the canyon..."-BroboticRobot

Any one of these happening even once is enough for a lifetime of trauma.

The Woman In White

"My extended family went on a big camping trip together as a last vacation for my grandpa before he passed away. My older brother and I (about 15 and 13) shared a tent. The camp was set up in a small clearing in the woods but nearby there was this really large open field with waist high grass."

"My brother and I had our tent closer to this field so we could see out into it, while still nestled in the trees. We were well away from any town, and there were no houses or whatnot nearby."

"In the middle of the night I had a VERY creepy dream and sat straight up. For a moment I just caught my breath and tried to calm down, but then noticed my older brother sitting up as well. He asked what happened and I told him I had a weird dream, he said he had one as well and described my EXACT dream."

"We both dreamed we were watching out the tent window while a woman walked out into the middle of the field and with a very piercing voice sang a song that started beautiful but became creepier and creepier as she slowly turned to first face our tent, and then begin approaching it."

"We both woke up when she got close enough to see her face, which was screwed up and looked pissed. He even described exactly what she was wearing and everything. We opened the tent window and checked out but nothing was out there."

"We still weren't able to sleep and the next morning we moved our tent to the opposite side of the camp. It's engraved on my mind and I'm sure I will never be able to forget it. I don't really believe in ghosts but I have no clue what happened to us out there."-AnEsteemedCactus

How To Save A Life

"Went camping with my family once. Around 2 am everyone was asleep but I woke up because someone was trying to open my tent which i had a lock on it inside. I waited to see what this person will try to do and they kept trying to unzip the tent but nothing so they went to the next tent and I took my flashlight and a knife I had."

"Peeked outside and saw this lady who looked like she was beaten and she looked like she was desperately trying to hide. I called my dad and he got out with everyone to see what the commotion was. This lady was terrified and told us her and her boyfriend were down the road when someone ambushed them and attacked them."

"She stabbed one and ran away while her boyfriend was probably dead. She saw our campsite and ran for it to try to hide because they might be looking for her. I gave her my tent and we called the cops and they took her in for questioning. We did find out later her story was real when they found her boyfriend a few days later. The guys who did it were still at large."-odagled86

Ghostly Radio Waves

"Was much younger adult, lived in a duplex w/vaulted ceiling. Mylar balloon was up in the peak of the ceiling from some occasion (too long ago to remember)."

"It was around 1 am, I was totally alone in the duplex, working on a hobby. No tv, radios or anything on, all quiet. For just a few seconds I heard a sound like a radio playing, coming from the general direction of the balloon."

"Too brief to really grasp what was actually playing. Neighbor was always quiet, and the sound was at the far side of the duplex, away from his unit. Weird as hell."-cclay6482


"Solo camp in the woods well away any road or track. I woke up to find that someone had made a cup of tea at my fire. There was a cup with the dregs of white tea sitting by the fire. I drink it black. The most British scary-woods-stalker ever." ~ Magnus_40

"Didn’t happen to me, but not long ago (maybe 3 months ago) I was camping and awoke to a family near me whose child had been abducted in deadset middle of the night. Major search operation underwent, and after 3 weeks or so (I think) the child was found alive and well. Needless to say, will never camp at that spot again." ~ Useful-Distribution5


"Wish I knew. I used to sleepwalk when I was younger but only really found out the first year I went away for summer camp. I would shower at night and go to bed clean, but wake up with mud completely caked up to my knees and no clue." ~ Pocket76

In the Wild

"Large wild animals walking through the camp at night. Northern California meant mountain lion or bear. Either way, not something I wanna tangle with." ~ shigogaboo

"I lived in Northern California for 2 years and got slightly nervous when I saw a sign warning about mountain lions in the park I always went too. I'm from New Jersey where we don't have to worry about animals like that." ~ BloodAngel85

When I Sleep

"Cop told me I couldn't sleep where I was sleeping, hassled me a bit, told me I had to sleep in my car. Next morning I find out it was because multiple people had been murdered in the area while sleeping outside, alone. I think it was a serial killer at that."

"Edit: found the long winded write up I did before, so if you're bored here you go:"

Edit 2: another creepy run in I had while alone I posted about years ago:"

"Amazing I'm alive lol. Enjoy!" ~ Infamous_Lunchbox

A Quarry

"Back in 2002, I camped out in a mountain quarry during a science club caving trip. I woke up as dawn was approaching to some very loud screams/moans which came from the far back of the quarry. Everyone was accounted for yet no one woke up to this but me. I was terrified so I just laid there until I dozed back off to sleep. Once everyone was up I asked if anyone heard what I heard and no one else did. Perhaps it was some strange animal but I really have no idea." ~ kimmytwoshoes

Blair witch project

"Days after seeing 'Blair witch project,' I went backpacking in Michigan on north manitou. 3rd night in, I was falling asleep when a couple chipmunks came outta of nowhere being all crazy and one ended up going under my tent. Just imagine being half asleep, in the woods, and that happens." ~ Gluten_maximus

Let me Sleep...

"I used to be an insomniac. I used to see things that weren't there. Before I knew it was due to sleep deprivation, I saw lots of scary things and I wasn't sure if I was going crazy or haunted. I saw a woman walk into my kids room and vanish. Things would start changing shape like reality was rippling. It was frightening at the time." ~ Meimnot555

The Baby

"I found a baby. Or it found me rather. I was car camping at a campground outside of LA. Middle of the night I'm chilling solo by the fire several beers deep when a baby waddles out of a bush and heads right for the fire. I jump up and grab him. I didn't hear anyone looking for their kid so I just start yelling out towards the other camp sites if anyone lost a child. Some idiot way down the road goes oh yeah that's mine. doesn't even walk over to me! I carried his kid down to their camp stunned." ~ jbnarch25

Dumfries & Galloway

"I was a teenager camping with some friends in the countryside in Dumfries & Galloway. We pitched our tents in a flat area on moorland. We were just kind of sitting around, the sun was still up and visibility was good. I saw something moving in my peripheral vision and turned to look, thinking it might be a hare or something."

"It was a small man, wearing old fashioned clothes, stood only around 3 feet or so in height and looked pretty angry. Almost as soon as I looked at him, he vanished. It turns out all of us (four people) had seen the little man and seen him disappear." ~ CoelHen2021

Will these stories have you sitting bolt upright in your tent, shivering from the potential spookies and scaries waiting just out of eyeline in the night?

Or is there no being on this plane or the next who could ever temper your love for camping?

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Wholesome Behaviors People Find Surprisingly Attractive

Reddit user levoyageursansbagage asked: 'What is the most wholesome behavior you find really attractive?'

four friends walking arm in arm
Photo by Helena Lopes on Unsplash

All of us have surprising or unusual things people do that turn us on.

These can be simple things, like washing dishes, reaching for something on a high shelf, or pouring a drink which, whether it's the person doing it or the act itself, turns out to be surprisingly sexy.

Rather more interesting, however, are the things people do that draw us to them that aren't remotely sexy at all, but in fact completely wholesome.

Even so, seeing people do these things, or behave in this manner still has the same power to make us fall completely weak at the knees and melt our hearts.

Redditor levoyageursansbagage was curious to hear all of the innocent things that people find utterly alluring, leading them to ask:

"What is the most wholesome behavior you find really attractive?"

Excitement Can Be Infectious

"When people get really excited over something they enjoy."- BoiledCabbage

"Being genuinely excited about something."

"I love me a nerd."- Howdydobe

Loving All Living Things

"It was really hot and little rain for a couple of weeks and we have backyard critters roaming around typical of the suburbs."

"So my wife puts a big Tupperware bowl of water out that she changes daily in case an animal gets thirsty."

"I was looking at it one day and a stick had fallen in the bowl so I went to remove it."

"My wife yells at me, 'No! Don't take the stick out, that's so bees can crawl out if they fall in'."

"I thought it was adorable."- yakfsh1

Honey Bee Loop GIF by Kev LaveryGiphy

Truly Unforgettable

"When someone remembers a really random small detail I’ve only mentioned once."- Starriyer

Compassion Over Convenience

"Doing the right thing even when it’s inconvenient."

"I was on a date and he took a call from a friend in crisis."

"They worked the problem out and he said 'I love you' to his friend (who said it back)."

"He explained he needed to take the call and apologized that it happened during the date."

"No apology necessary!"

"He demonstrated loyalty and vulnerability and it was incredibly sexy."

"Even better that it’s just who he is; none of it was for show."- Hiberniae

"When someone helps old people."

"Maybe getting up to give their seat to them in a public bus or in general, helping them carry their heavy bags, or something."- itsMat_hi_ka

"When a person knows the right time to simply listen to someone in distress and the right time to offer advice."- Old_Army90


The Greatest Love Of All...

"My husband will run around playing games with our son in the playground and will fully commit to whatever game that is.'

"There's no standing around talking to the adults, he will get fully involved in the make-believe world."

"10/10, fully present parenting."- Ambivertigo

The Gift Of Laughter

"People that make themselves crack up."

"People with their particular and weird little sense of humor that unashamedly laugh at what they think is so funny."

"Extra points if they’re laughing because of a joke they’re telling themselves."

"It’s my favorite thing to see someone do."

"As long as the joke doesn’t seriously hurt other people."

"I love good dark humor."

"If someone’s genuinely trying to be hateful, it loses appeal completely."- tresjoliesuzanne

"When I'm with my wife at a restaurant and the baby in the next booth is staring at her, she will wave to the baby and make funny faces to get the kid to smile/giggle."

"That."- SadConsequence8476

happy baby lol GIF by TheMacnabsGiphy

Heal The World...

"I went backpacking with my boyfriend for the first time recently and I noticed that anytime we came across a little piece of trash on the trail, he would pick it up and put it in his pocket to throw away properly at the first opportunity."

"It just highlighted to me that he was conscientious and kind even when it came to things a lot of people would overlook, and I found that incredibly attractive."- snickerdoodle--

Happiness Comes In Many Forms

"Seeing a man be genuinely happy for someone else, I recently discovered this about myself."- West_Cherry3944

Literal Food For Thought

"A friend of mine has this habit of making sure that everyone around her has eaten on time."

"'A well fed tummy makes the brain think properly'."

"That's her exact words."- in_out_in_out_·

Food Cooking GIF by MasterChefAUGiphy

No One Should Take Themselves Too Seriously

"Silliness, the sillier the hotter."- Fearless-Finish9724·

The Epitome Of Selfless

"My husband grew up extremely poor."

"Not homeless but close."

"Whenever we're out and we see someone asking for food, he will quietly walk over and take them to whatever restaurant they want."

"He will then order them whatever they want."

"When we met, he was in grad school and had no money."

"He still did this."

"It made me swoon."- curryp4n

Reading these heartwarming and touching affirmations, it does give one pause that kindness and compassion are considered so unusual.

Even so, no doubt that's what makes selfless, and kind-hearted people so attractive.

Divorce Lawyers Reveal The Nastiest Ways Marriages Ended
Photo by Eric Ward on Unsplash

With so many couples walking up the aisle—and then sprinting to the courthouse—there’s no shortage of wacky divorce stories. No one knows that better than these divorce lawyers. From hidden fortunes to stuffed animal collections, divorce lawyers have seen it all. Attorney-client privilege or not, these stories are just too insane not to share…

Ashes To Ashes

round grey stainless steel saucer on brown wooden surfacePhoto by Brooks Rice on Unsplash

I had a husband and wife go toe-to-toe over an ashtray they got in Las Vegas. The couple spent nearly $5,000 for me and another attorney to duke it out in court over the silly trinket. Prior to proceeding, I explained that it would be cheaper to fly me to Vegas and get an identical ashtray. The husband said he didn't care about the costs—and his reasons were deeply malicious.

It turns out that the husband had other intentions for their marriage memorabilia. When he won, he smashed the ashtray on the steps of the courthouse. He laughed and said the look on his wife’s face was worth much more than $2,500. People get crazy in divorce proceedings.


Until The Grave Do Us Part

I wouldn't recommend it, but one of the best ways to stick it to your ex is to kick the can during a messy divorce. In my client's case, the court had orally declared a couple to be divorced. Sadly, before they could finalize the official paperwork, the husband went to his grave. The courts spent two years figuring out how to proceed and made a divisive decision…

The court decided that the wife had to divide everything 50/50 with her deceased husband. And to think, if he had passed two weeks sooner, she would have avoided years of court hearings, thousands in fees, and kept everything for herself.


I’ll Never Let You Go…To The Marriott Hotel

My aunt has been divorced for quite some time, but you wouldn’t know it. She’s still driving her attorney crazy with her requests. Most recently, she took her ex-husband to court. Her motive was ridiculous. She wanted to know where he was working and when, all so that she could have her private investigator keep an eye on him and his new girlfriend.

She should have just let it go…she got the house, the kids, the boat, and even the Marriott International points.


“X” Marks The Spot…

I worked a divorce case that went to trial. The parties owned a business together, which they started during the marriage and which was their sole source of income. Obviously, the biggest issue was who was going to keep the business. While the divorce proceeded, the General Magistrate ordered my client to keep running the business and to pay the wife temporary alimony. If only it had ended then.

At trial, we went in front of a judge instead of the General Magistrate. This judge was older with poor memory and was fairly new to family law. She ended up giving the wife the business and ordering my client to pay the wife alimony! How is someone supposed to pay alimony if you take away their only source of income for the last 10 years?

I filed a motion for rehearing but the judge denied it. As if that was bad enough, do you want to know the cherry on top of this triple-layered divorce cake? The judge awarded my client his home that he had inherited from his grandmother. The wife had been living in there during the divorce proceedings, and the judge gave her 30 days to move out.

Well, she stayed until the last possible day. When my client went back to the home, the wife had completely destroyed the inside. She took a screw driver and scratched an “X” on the surface of all of the furniture and the walls. My client ended up leaving the country.


I’m Giving You The Cold Shoulder

I once represented one party in a divorce. While the divorce proceedings were on-going, the couple still lived together pending the sale of their family home. But just because they lived together did not mean that they were on speaking terms. In fact, they would not speak to one another for any reason whatsoever. Things were so bad that I even had to negotiate terms for sharing refrigerator space.


Don’t Be A Baby, Baby

white and brown bear plush toysPhoto by MChe Lee on Unsplash

The court ordered this couple, who had been divorced for four months, to divide up their Beanie Baby Collection, valued somewhere between $2,500 and $5000…and they were seemingly unable to do so by themselves. The couple spread out the collection on the floor and divided up one by one under the supervision of a Family Court Judge.


The Couple That Divorces Together, Stays Together

I worked as a courtroom clerk when I was in college. A couple filing for divorce were arguing over custody of their son. I thought it would be the normal "I won’t let you see him,” and name-calling nonsense, but I was in for a surprise. The mom wanted the dad to spend more time during the holidays together—all three of them. But the dad had demands of his own…

The dad in this strange divorce proceeding wanted the same thing as his maybe-ex-wife. He also wanted the family to spend more time together…just more frequently. The couple ended up reconciling and agreed to couples’ therapy before the divorce procedure went further. They came back a month later to withdraw the divorce proceeding. All is well that ends well.


Cleaning House

My friend is a divorce lawyer. They had a client whose former spouse brutally attacked them. Apparently, the former spouse blamed the divorce attorney for “taking him to the cleaners” in the divorce. The worst part is that the lawyer was at the grocery store doing his weekly food shopping with his wife and kids during the attack.


The Honeymoon That Never Ends

I represented the husband in a divorce. During the proceedings, we tried to get the court to eliminate his spousal support obligations. His wife, however, insisted that she needed the support…and wait until you hear why. The whole process took way longer than it should have because his wife was taking vacations to Mexico at least once every month.


The Wedding Photographer

I represented the husband in a divorce. On the day of the trial, opposing counsel presented shocking evidence. The wife’s attorneys produced photographs that they claimed proved adultery. The photos were of my client, the husband, wearing lingerie and a long brown wig, engaging in act of intimacy with another man. I was able to successfully exclude this from evidence...because the wife was the photographer.


And…The Honeymoon Is Over

woman signing on white printer paper beside woman about to touch the documentsPhoto by Gabrielle Henderson on Unsplash

I worked for a law firm while in college. We had a client who had just come home from a two-week vacation with his wife. But she wasn’t going to be his wife for much longer. As soon as they pulled into the driveway, his wife’s lawyers served him with divorce papers and a temporary restraining order. His wife didn't say a word and just went into their house.

The poor guy came straight to our office and was massively confused. What happened on that vacation?


Please Play Nice

My first trial. My client’s husband was suing her for divorce. Her soon-to-be ex-husband was alleging habitual cruelty and inhumane treatment. When I heard what he had to say, my jaw-dropped. I had to agree with him. Her husband was claiming that she had grabbed him in a sensitive area really, really hard and hurt him on purpose.

What’s more, I had to cross examine him about it. Awkward.


Call Me, Maybe?

I had a client whose soon-to-be-ex-husband used her email address and phone number to sign her up for every bank, loan, religious, mental illness, and adult site he could think of. These companies bombarded her about their products and services. He even put out her information on Craigslist. The joke was on him though…she actually went out with a guy who contacted her!


Grab Your Pitchforks…

I’ve been a divorce lawyer for more than 20 years, so I've seen it all. I once represented a husband divorcing his wife of over 35 years. At mediation, they divided up about a half million in assets within 30 minutes—and then things went south. They spent the next two and half hours fighting over a couple of hurricane glasses from Pat O'Brien's and a pitchfork.

$1,000 in attorney fees later, they settled…and then got remarried anyway.


40 Acres And A Whole Lot Of Revenge

I knew a wealthy land owner who went to some extreme lengths to get even after a divorce. He lost his home to his ex-wife in the divorce proceedings but kept his trump card. He was able to keep the rest of the undeveloped neighborhood land and turned it into an industrial park. In other words, he surrounded his ex-wife’s huge house with a ton of factories.


Run Away Wife

man in red and white checkered dress shirt wearing black fedora hatPhoto by Andres Siimon on Unsplash

My uncle is a divorce lawyer, but not a very good one. He represented a couple who had recently started getting into some problems. The wife had had enough of married life and just left one night. Her husband was through with her since she left, and went to my uncle for a divorce. My uncle agreed but he kept delaying because he had plans of his own.

While my uncle stalled the husband, he came up with an ingenious plan. He did what he knew was in everyone’s best interest. My uncle hired a private investigator to search for the missing wife. Fortunately, he eventually found her and talked her into going back to her husband. Things worked out in the end…but my uncle might be the worst divorce lawyer in the country.


Sharing Marriages Makes For Caring Marriages

How much time do you have? Over the course of my career, I’ve seen nearly a dozen wife-swaps. And it’s just as weird as it sounds. Usually, the husband will cheat on his wife with his friend’s wife. This causes a divorce for both parties, and their respective spouses (wife of first party and husband of second) end up getting together. Happens quite often for whatever reason.


Divorce, The Family Game

I saw a mother and father live together during a divorce and fight over the location of their children’s Xbox and Wii. At first, the gaming consoles were in the family living room. The father then put the consoles in his bedroom so that the children would spend all of their time in his bedroom. The mother literally went to court to have the Xbox and Wii returned to the living room. They spent thousands on this.


Debarred And Divorced

I'm not a lawyer, but I’ve got a story about one. There was a case in which a man found out that his wife was having an affair. Heartbroken, the man found a divorce lawyer. In court, the husband learned a brutal truth. His lawyer was the man his wife was having the affair with. Of course, the lawyer got his license taken away after that.


Off To Sunny Mexico

I’m a family law paralegal. We had a client whose husband had taken her kids on an unscheduled bus trip to Mexico. We expedited everything. I went above and beyond for this woman—even contacting attorneys in the deep south of Mexico and writing out very clear instructions to get back her kids. As it turns out, our client was no victim.

This woman had physically accosted her husband because he confronted her about sleeping with his brother. Now you see why the husband packed up and took the kids.


The Most Expensive Therapy Ever

potato chips in bowlPhoto by Emiliano Vittoriosi on Unsplash

My client (the husband) was living in the same house as his wife throughout the divorce proceedings. He'd call me and complain about things like: his wife ate a bag of chips and didn't replace it, she invited one of her friends over who he disliked, she binged watched TV instead of fixing dinner, etc., etc. He paid me $250/hour for the privilege of venting over the phone to an attorney.


Why So Salty?

One of my father's friends tried to “salt the earth” before getting divorced. He transferred the deeds to a rental house and a cabin to relatives and sold the family cars to relatives for tiny sums…and he was just getting started. He put stocks in a trust “for the children” and vanished a chunk of cash from the company he co-owned with his wife.

He even stopped paying himself a salary, electing to burn through their personal savings for over a year instead. Well, he might have salted the earth but he was in for just desserts. When the divorce proceedings went to court, he learned that judges really, really hate it when you try to play dirty games. Turns out that hiding or intentionally diminishing assets is actually not a good idea.

In fact, judges will absolutely refer you to prosecutors. I don't think that he spent time behind bars, but his ex-wife did get everything, plus the satisfaction of firing him from his own company.


Let’s Break Up The Bank

A friend of mine is a divorce lawyer. His favorite story is the time that the husband in a bitter divorce said that he would “out-lawyer” his wife and break the bank before giving her anything she wanted. He said this in front of my friend, her lawyer. My friend looks at the wife and says, "I'm working for you pro bono (free) from this moment forward."


Think About The Children

I took a domestic relations class run by a retired judge who told us a few good stories. My favorite was a story where both parties in a divorce were acting unreasonably and not thinking of the kids. In the end, the judge awarded the house to the kids who would live there permanently while the parents—who had joint custody—would take turns living there.

The best thing was that neither party could afford to buy an additional place, so they had to rent a small flat together and also share that.


Oh, Brother!

I had a case in where husband found some incriminating texts on his wife's phone. He suspected that she was cheating on him with some guy. What’s more is that he also got the impression that his sister-in-law (his brother’s wife) might be in on it in some way. He and his brother end up hiring a private investigator to tail both of their wives to get to the truth. But the truth can hurt…

The brothers essentially confirmed that both women were seeing other people. My client’s sister in-law admitted to carrying on an affair. His brother attempted to reconcile but eventually filed for divorce. My client’s wife admitted that she was looking for an affair but only "met for some kisses" and she "touched him a little bit.” He filed for divorce anyway.


To The Clink!

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My dad is a retired lawyer and he got this story from a judge. A man and a woman went through an unhappy divorce, and their poor kids got stuck in the middle. The wife got custody and the man got visitation rights but, apparently, that wasn’t good enough for her. She made parental alienation her goal in life. So, her ex-husband took her to court over this and she actually ended up behind bars for contempt more than once.

The judge who told this story to my dad finally told the man, "I can throw her back in prison as many times as you want, but there's no winner in this."


I Want The News, Not The Weather…

I used to work for a judge when two prominent local news personalities were getting a divorce. They filed for mutual restraining orders against each other for an unspecified use of force. The filings were vague on details but still managed to convey a sense of savage levels of blood. When the time came for the hearing, it turned out that the use of force they were referring to was spitting.

Specifically, during a heated argument, flecks of spittle managed to touch the other party. The judge denied the restraining orders, and both parties' attorneys probably bought new yachts. Such is justice in a divorce.


That’s Not My Name

This is the story of a potentially thwarted divorce case. A man and his fiancée were buying a house together. They got to the paper where you sign off on all your aliases. In a Mr. & Mrs. Smith-worthy turn of events, the woman had a full-page's worth of former names. The guy asked, "What is this?" The woman's response made his blood run cold.

She nonchalantly replied, "Oh, I've been married five times before." The guy got up and walked out. Crisis averted.


“Extra! Extra! Read All About It!”

I was a secretary for an attorney. Divorce can be pretty depressing but it can also be a real laugh. I think that the most entertaining divorce story was when a guy had to get creative in divorcing his wife. He had to have the divorce papers sent to her the newspaper because she wouldn't leave the house or answer the door for the process server.


And Your Little Dog Too…

My friend’s firm handled the divorce of an extremely rich man who claimed his wife was cheating on him. The lawyer proceeded to ask him about his assets and what he wanted to keep. The man said that his wife could have the house, the car, the boat, the kids, etc. Given that he seemed willing to give up everything, the lawyer asked him what he wanted to keep. Not even Cruella de Ville would have asked for this.

After the man’s lawyer asked him what he wanted to keep in the divorce, the man angrily responded, "My wife only loves her dog. I want her to suffer so I want the court to order that the dog be taken away from her and cremated. She can have 50% of the ashes and I'll have the other 50%." What would have happened if his wife only loved their kids?


Micro Aggressions

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I represented a woman who was convinced that her husband was the real-world equivalent of Lex Luthor or something. She claimed that he had implanted micro-robots in her brain and was trying to control her. She would bring us all of this nanotechnology and try to convince us that it was possible. She dragged the case out for four years. We almost had to get a conservator for her estate.


I’m A Professional

My first divorce case was the most memorable. My client was a nice looking, 50ish waitress who was breaking hearts at the local small-town cafe. She was on divorce number five. I had a little lawyer kit of things she should do such as clean out the joint accounts, change the car title, etc. To my surprise, she had done all of them…plus a few things I hadn’t thought of.

“Husband No.5” came into my office to cry and concede everything. Now that was a guy who needed a lawyer with a list. Suffice to say, our client got everything she was, or might have been, entitled to plus a little more.



I was a family law attorney for years. It was nasty all the time, which is why I finally switched to a different area. But not before this crazy couple…I worked a divorce where the ex-couple lived together after their divorce. It wasn’t for love. It was just pure and simple spite. Neither wanted to move. I believe they still live together.


Leaving The Nest

I once interned for a small family firm and had some really odd stories. This attractive lady relocated from Florida to the mountains of Virginia with her husband to restart their relationship. Unfortunately, they were moving in with her parents and had not found a new place to live yet. Well, the move didn’t help and they ended up seeking a divorce.

He ended up kicking the woman out of the house. Yeah, you read that correctly, he kicked her out of her parents’ house.


Failed Marriages And Flat Tires

This wasn’t my case, but I overheard it in divorce court once. While separated, a guy went around to his wife's house and took revenge on her car. Apparently, in an act of brazen post-marital rage, he slashed her tires. And if you were thinking about calling the authorities, you’ll have no luck there. He was a law enforcement officer. That’s just crazy.


The Defenestration Separation

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I would never disclose a client's details because, you know, confidentiality. But I did have a mediation professor who told me this gem of a divorce story. She was mediating a divorce and the couple was so close to making a settlement. Until it all went out the window…literally. You see, this couple had purchased a lovely Victorian home together.

The husband, while unemployed, had painstakingly restored all of the old windows. Restoring the windows was a very time-consuming and labor-intensive task. Fast-forward to division of assets: The couple agreed to split the sale of the house equally, but he demanded a larger share because of the value of the windows. She said she should have that money, because she was supporting them at the time.

He returned that she could keep the entire house, but he was getting those windows. Then she said, “You can shove those windows up your...” Well, anyway, you get the idea. They went back and forth while my poor professor tried to mediate them into a neutral position.


That’s Just Pea…NUTS!

I worked a divorce case that was frustrating enough to make anyone pluck out their eyelashes. It took the couple two hours to decide who would get the groceries left in the fridge. The estimated value of the groceries was around $40. Two hours of my time, opposing counsel’s time, and mediator time added up to about $1,000. It all came down to an oversized jar of peanut butter.

All I could think of the whole time was, “Who keeps peanut butter in the fridge?!”


The Hand That Feeds You…

I once had a case where the estranged wife just didn’t know what was good for her. She was calling my client's employer repeatedly, accusing him of theft and other white-collar crimes to try to get my client fired. The funny thing about it all was that she was also demanding child support…which was based on my client’s income. Income from the job from which she was trying to get him fired.


A Hairy Situation

My dad was a divorce lawyer. He had a client who wanted to divorce her husband for two very odd reasons. For one, she claimed that he did not have enough hair on his chest. And the second reason was that he did not drive fast enough. In all fairness, this was 1970s when chest hair was a bit more important. The speeding thing, that I can’t explain.


Fighting For Fido

I was in a mediation once where it took the couple an hour and a half to split their personal property, retirement accounts, real property, and custody of their six-month-old son. The rest of the day, about four hours, they spent arguing about how to split the time with the dog. For the kid they just said, "as agreed upon by the parties" but the dog had a strict schedule.


Join The Mickey Mouse Club…Of Divorce

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I was a clerk for a family court judge. Believe me when I say that the kids always suffer in a divorce. We had a woman go to extreme lengths to spite her ex-husband, even if it meant disappointing her daughter. She even tried to get an injunction to keep the father from taking their daughter on a trip to Disney World. Like it is whenever love ends, it was so sad.


Reply All?

There are so many crazy divorce stories and they always bring out the absolute worst in couples. Like this one: A couple did their will with our firm. We drafted everything for them as they were an older couple; they had been married for 40 years total. The husband wanted us to put in his will that his kids get his entire estate, with one small caveat: He did not want us to tell his wife.

Instead, he wanted to have us make a secret will and a fake will. He had a whole plan. He would sign the fake will with her present, and then we would shred it. Then he would come in later to sign the "real will.” There was just one hitch in his Ocean’s Eleven scheme…he copied his wife on the email. Two weeks later, he called us and said he wanted to file for divorce.


Attorney On Demand

A previous client of ours was livid that his wife was cheating on him. She wanted a non-contested divorce and wanted to use my boss specifically because she knew he was a great lawyer. So, our client pretended to go along with her terms but contacted us literally two days before his wife and retained us. He said he didn't care how much money the retainer was going to be.

He just wanted my boss so his wife couldn't have him as a lawyer. He called and paid first, so he won that battle.


The Love Has Dried Up

My aunt was a divorce lawyer. She worked a case where the wife glued all of the outdoor hoses together so that her husband wouldn’t spend any more time washing his car. When the glue didn’t work, she just cut up the hoses instead. And when this woman’s husband bought new hoses, she finally filed for divorce. The only question I have is…”Was it a nice car?”


Bear With Me

I used to clerk for a judge, and we had a week-long divorce trial between a couple. The husband was a wildlife photographer and the wife was a stay-at-home wife who “remodeled” the house. They had no kids. Anyway, one day the husband was photographing a grizzly bear but must have gotten a little too close and the bear mauled him.

He spent several months in the hospital and rehab. As if surviving a bear attack wasn’t enough, his wife had him served with divorce papers shortly after he got out of rehab. Of course, she wanted half of everything. The guy had lost an eye…what more could she possibly have taken?


Plastics Are Forever

brown round bowl on white tablePhoto by Magic Bowls on Unsplash

Neither side would follow the court orders. When they had to go back to court, they were fighting over the husband’s grandmother's bowls. I assumed for weeks that these bowls were some sort of heirloom or expensive china. When they finally brought the bowls into the courtroom to swap them, I discovered that they were Tupperware. Who knew plastic was more precious than diamonds?


Divorcing Scrooge

My client was the outrageous one in this story, and my heart went out to his poor wife. My client had OCD which manifested primarily in the family finances. He made their lives a penny-pinching nightmare. For example, he was obsessed with avoiding unnecessary driving, so he cut the whole family’s hair at home and never let them eat at a restaurant or go to the movies. That wasn’t even the strangest thing.

Weirdest of all, he kept one toilet paper roll on him at all times, and you had to get one square from him before you could go to the bathroom. He never gave more than one square. His wife finally got tired of him and left him when he gave her bangs during an in-home haircut. Even their daughter was so traumatized by the whole toilet paper thing they couldn’t potty train her.

Being such a miser, he viewed my whole job as a divorce attorney as an unnecessary expense.


Shaking Like A Dog

My mom was a divorce lawyer. One specific story I remember was about a couple fighting for custody of their dog. The guy already lost custody of the children and then lost the case for custody of the dog. When the ex-wife’s mother came to pick up the dog, he told her that she could get him out of the freezer...Yes, that’s right, he froze the dog.


The Frog That Hopped Away

I once worked an interesting—and very, very sad—divorce case. It’s not uncommon for parents to fight over custody in a divorce, but that’s not what happened this time…not at all. My client and their spouse had a son that they named Snoop Frog (I kid you not) and sadly, neither of them wanted custody. Honestly, it was nothing that a name change couldn’t fix.


Not A Lucky Divorce

This woman won $1.3million in a lottery pool and filed for divorce 11 days later. She never mentioned her lottery winnings to her husband. She also did not disclose the proceeds during the divorce. She would have gotten away with it too, if it hadn't been for a letter that arrived at their former marital residence over two years after the divorce…

The letter was an offer to buy out her lottery annuity with a lump sum payment. The husband promptly lawyered up and the family court awarded 100% of the prize proceeds to him.


Four young men sit on a mountainside while laughing and talking
Photo by Matheus Ferrero

Men can be a mystery.

They like to hide as much as they can about themselves.

In truth, the rest of the world already suspects most of whatever behaviors they're trying to bury.

But often, it's so healthy to unburden yourself whenever you can.

Isn't it also comforting to know we aren't alone on this?

You do that? ME TOO!

Redditor Miguenzo wanted all the men out there to make some confessions, so they asked:

"What is something all guys do but will never admit to doing?"

Going to the bathroom sitting down more often than you think.

That's a guy truth I'll admit to.

I like to be comfortable.


U Know Flirt GIF by WimbledonGiphy

"I play with my penis more than any other object, by far."


"And not even in a sexual way. Sometimes just flopping it from left to right while watching TV."


"This is what my wife had a hard time understanding. Just cause I'm messing with it, doesn't mean I'm aroused. I'm just fidgeting and that's my object."



"Imagine your entire life with a girl you just met."


"Did this this weekend. The most beautiful woman working as a barmaid I have ever seen."

"However, I know it's annoying having someone hit on you while working and working in a bar she must get it all the time. so I kept quiet ordered my drinks and didn't bother her. She remembered what I was drinking by the 3rd drink. that was enough for me. LMAO."


Think About It

"Daydream about insane scenarios that will never happen where you're the main hero that swoops in to save the day. Common examples include things like thinking you could figure out how to land an entire airplane in an emergency, thinking about 'What happens if there's a robbery and I stop the bad guy,' thinking about saving someone from a burning building, thinking you could save someone's life if there's a random medical emergency, etc."


Spoons and Forks

"Not sure if this is for all guys, but my BF will never ever admit that he prefers to be the little spoon 😭."


"I’m over a foot taller than my wife, so I often joke that 'she’s my better third.' But I HATE being a big spoon. Nothing makes me happier in my marriage like being a little spoon, curled up, while she runs her fingers through my hair… Just thinking about is releasing the endorphins. We will hit 29 years together in a couple of months, and it not only never gets old, it gets better with age."


Pick Away

jason clarke flirting GIF by OriginalsGiphy

"Nose picking is more common than anyone will admit."


"Nose picking is probably the most efficient way to get uncomfortable buggers out of your nose."


Ugh. Nose pickers. Stop it. Just stop it!


Uh Oh Oops GIF by 20th Century Fox Home EntertainmentGiphy

"Morning pees sometimes go sideways and there's annoying cleaning up to do."



"Sniff our armpits to be sure they don't stink or we enjoy the smell."


"This one is def gender neutral. I've had several girlfriends be embarrassed that I 'caught them' smell-checking themselves. As if they thought it was some secret weird thing they do and nobody else did. LOL."


"When I get nervous I stick my hands under my arms and then I sniff my armpit smell off my fingers and it calms me back down."


Inch by Inch

"Measuring their penis. Yeah, some will admit it. But some refuse to admit it."


"I don’t need a tape measure to know what disappointment looks like."


Haven't done it in a while. At this point, I'm too afraid it's gotten smaller. If that's possible."


"I have honestly never measured my d*ck. Girls I dated did. The numbers really mean nothing to me. I only cared if it was too small. Once girls told me it wasn't, I was satisfied."


I Feel Pretty

"Being friendlier to attractive women."


"Attractive women are scarier for many, so a lot of us probably come off as aloof or rude whatever towards them because we just kind of ignore them (actually are just too nervous to address them directly)."

"This isn't such a thing for me now that I'm in my 30s and have a long-time committed partner. No pressure... lol. But I know when I was a younger guy in the dating pool, the very attractive women were terrifying... lol."


"Attractive people actually get treated better in most areas of life in general. It’s called Pretty Privilege. Attractive people are trusted more easily, looked up to more, invited to more things, talked to more, can get a raise easier, and obviously can date easier."


At least once

"If you're single; Having feelings/Attraction to almost every female friend you've got. Doesn't have to be strong feelings. Doesn't have to be romantic. But you've thought about it. At least once. Maybe three times."


"Definitely not universal. This stopped happening to me after I started and finished one major relationship."

"You develop a sense for what you actually want -- and how much more valuable friendship can be than any random romance."

"Also, as a straight guy, having uncomplicated friendships with multiple women is a great way to just get out in life, meet people and situations you never would've otherwise, and not bog down your own psyche. Really elevated my 20s."



wicked GIF by Ice CubeGiphy

"Kicking ice cube under the fridge when falls."


"Gotta feed those shadow critters."


I love the ice cube kick.

I think it's gender universal.

man wearing Nike camouflage t-shirt

Oliver Ragfelt on Unsplash

The Bible advises people to judge not, lest they be judged.

Which seems to have been lost in translation for too many purported adherents to its teachings.

On a secular level, we're told to not judge a book by its cover, but sometimes...

Sometimes it's hard not to get judgy.

Keep reading...Show less