People Share The Worst Cases Of Bad Parenting They've Encountered
Parenting is a pretty subjective thing. What works for one family might be something another family finds ridiculous. Generally, we're all out here just trying to keep our kids alive and as happy and healthy as we can.
There are some parents who absolutely do NOT fit that mold. Whether it's malicious or not, there are about a zillion examples of trash parenting out there. One Reddit user asked:
What's the worst case of bad parenting you've ever witnessed?
The responses were heartbreaking and infuriating - mostly because there were just so many of them. We gathered a few replies for you here. You read these while we go hug as many kids as we can (with consent, of course. It would be weird otherwise.) Heads up, some of these may be hard to read or triggering for some people. Proceed with caution.
"She Still Came Out..."
When my mom was still living at home with my grandparents they had neighbors who had three kids. An older daughter who was slow/had some mental issues, a son, and another daughter. When she was pregnant with her son she was sitting on the porch downing a beer when another neighbor asked her if that was ok for the baby.
Her response was: "Well, I quit drinking with the first one and she still came out ret*rded".
The whole family pretty much excluded the oldest girl from everything they did
Home Town Hot Mess
I used to know a girl, we will call her Brittany. She had a bad habit of smoking, drinking, and using drugs during her pregnancy but our issues started before that.
Let's go back to before anyone knew she was pregnant.
I used to hang out with her crowd quite a bit. Brittany was being really pushy to people all night at one particular New Year's Eve party. I was pretty drunk and just trying to avoid her.... She kept telling me how tough she was and could take a punch to the gut from anyone. She kept pushing me and telling me she wasn't going to stop until I punched her. She kept cornering me, pushing me, hitting me.
I was weak. After a long time, I caved and hit her in the gut. Not very hard, but hard enough.. I'm still not proud of it, I should have left her alone.
She buckled and ended up crying on the couch. I was already mortified that I had broken down and actually hit her. I should have withstood her constant goading and regretted it immediately. I tried to comfort her and that's when she says.
What. The. F*ck. So this chick knew she was pregnant and kept cornering people to get them to punch her in the stomach!?!?
I talked to her for a bit after I hit her, trying to comfort her. Despite the rage boiling up in me, I calmed her down and sent her back up to the party. I left and walked home. It was several miles, but worth walking to get away from her.
Now fast forward 1 year from the New Years Eve incident. I haven't spoken to her since. But she posted on Facebook that her (almost year old) baby hasn't been developing normally after going to the doctors.
She wrote on Facebook: "I hope the guy that beat me while I was pregnant can live with himself."
Are you kidding me? I'm sure it had nothing to do with you drinking, smoking cigs and weed? Also, people said they had seen her on acid, but I can't confirm that.
I blocked her on Facebook.
Then fast forward about 2 weeks. It's a small town, things spread. I feel like everywhere I go I am getting weird looks. I ignore it. Then, I go to a bar and she is there. I decide to ignore her and go sit by best friend who is by the bar.
The people she is with come over to me, I am honestly confused as hell at this point. They tell me I need to go. The conversation goes something like this:
Me - "uhhh... what?"
Them - "You need to get out of here now."
Me - "Why?"
Them - "You f*cking get out now before I take you outside and make you bite that damn curb."
To make this story short, this girl turned a large portion of the town against me.
I moved, went back to college, got engaged, got a good job. Am doing fine now. But I HATE going back to my hometown. Absolutely hate it. I take my fiance back and she doesn't understand why I never want to go to any of the bars there.
That girl messed me up with her crazy weirdo bad parenting.
A Firefighter's Tale
I've been a Firefighter for almost 20 years, so I've seen a lot of bad stuff happen to a lot of innocent people - but the bad parent that comes to mind wasn't one that was trying to be a bad parent, they just made a really dumb decision and it ended up killing their child.
It was summer, late afternoon, and we were sent for a "person struck by a vehicle." When we arrived, the patient, a 24-ish year old male, was on the ground in the middle of a large apartment complex access road, and he was being restrained by the ambulance crew.
He had an altered level of consciousness (only responded to painful stimuli), his pupils were blown (or one was dilated and the other pinpoint, I can't remember), and he was combative as hell. He also had blood coming out of both ears, and when we used a 4 X 4 bandage to collect the blood, it showed it contained cerebral spinal fluid.
NOT GOOD SIGNS AT ALL.
As we jumped in to help the ambulance crew, I checked the car nearby for damage and found none. There was an older lady, maybe late 40's, standing next to the vehicle while she was being questioned by a police officer on the scene. Long story short, the patient started crashing fast. He was rushed to the hospital where we later learned he died.
The police officer came over as we were cleaning up the scene and asked "Did you hear what happened?"
Apparently the patient was the woman's son. She was leaving to go to the liquor store and had refused to buy her son beer. He got upset and jumped on her car, laughing, and said something like:
"You're taking me there even if I have to ride out here."
Then, according to her statement, she took off, gradually building up speed. He managed to climb from the hood to the roof where he was laying on his belly, screaming for her to stop, while holding on to the front windshield. She estimated she was going 30 to 40 mph when she slammed on the brakes, shooting him headfirst into the road, killing her son. She apparently couldn't understand that slamming on the breaks like that would stop the car, but not stop him
Ditching The Daughter
We offered to rent a room to a buddy of ours while he was going through his divorce. I walked into the kitchen to find his daughter (7 years old) asking me to feed her because she's hungry. I was the only other person home, so I fed her and called him to see where the hell he was at. He was at the bar... He left his daughter at home, told no one.
The divorce was due to adultery, they've both caught each other a few times and I guess they finally decided to end it. I didn't know the kind of guy he really was, I always had the impression that it was his wife who was holding his family back but it turns out it takes two to tango. He wasn't at the bar getting drunk. He was there chasing the bartender who he later moved into the house without even asking - while jobless and living rent free. The guy was a real POS, and the list of things could just go on and on.
While I do not believe their daughters physical well-being is in jeopardy, she is not being raised in a structured environment and her education is very much on their back burner. Unfortunately giving your child little to no hope for their future is not a crime and there's nothing we can do about that.
Lots of Snow, No Patience
Couple of weeks ago during a huge snowstorm in Montreal I heard a kid crying, probably 9 at night. Look through the window and there's a toddler in a snowsuit trying to trudge through the snow and bawling while his dad was yelling at him to hurry up, then said all his Christmas presents were going in the garbage.
The dad just walked away and left the kid standing there sobbing before coming back and hauling him over his shoulder. Bleh.
I rented a room from a family when I was at college. They were always really harsh with their teenage daughter and super adoring with her older brother.
I had to ask the dad to get rid of the signal jammer they had secretly installed to stop the daughter from being on her phone because I couldn't use my computer or phone (it randomly would kill the wifi signal). What really took the cake was the several hours (3+) that the mother spent yelling at the daughter one day.
It was like she was going through a book of "sh*t not to say to your teenage daughter" and said every thing in there. "You look like a hooker the way you put on your makeup", "you'll never amount to anything", "why can't you be more like your brother", you are fat, stupid, useless, ugly etc. Mom was just totally laying on her. The mother would yell and complain about pretty much anything the daughter did but that was really too far.
This was over ten years ago. I looked for her on Facebook and she's married with a kid and seems happy. It's worth noting she's not connected to her parents on social media.
Tied Up Like A Dog
When working in a box store about 10 years ago, a customer reported to me that they found a kid tied to a clothing rack. The mother had used her child leash to tie up her kid in an isolated corner while she shopped. We untied the kid, took him to my manager, and promptly called the cops.
I was going to pickup take out food around after school time. There was a lady and a small boy around 5-6 standing by the parking lot. The boy was drinking a Coke, when then he turned and tossed it about 15 ft over by a tree. He looked at me, so I said:
"Are you just going to leave that there?"
His mother whipped around and asked me if I was talking to her son. I replied that I was asking him if it was his intention to leave his litter by the tree. She went off about not talking to her child. There was a back and forth for about 15 seconds. Meanwhile the boy realizing he was wrong went to go pick up the can. The mom firmly told him no, but he said it's OK and walked over picked up the can and walked back to his mom.
She snatched it out of his hand and promptly threw it back by the tree. Stared me down and dragged the boy across the street.
Even the kid knew his mother was in the wrong.
Knew a guy in high school whose mom f*cked one of his friends after getting too drunk one night. She also taught him that: "It's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission."
He would have to pick her up from bars from the age of 13 because she was too smashed to drive herself home. Back then I thought she was the coolest, looking back I realized that she was just a terrible mother and a pretty horrible person overall.
She Deserves A Real Adult
Last night I spent two hours in the hospital with a 14 year old girl that tried to kill herself because I know both of her parents are f*ck-ups and couldn't be there for one sh*tty reason or another. But I was there, because she needed someone.
Her mom is a drunk 24/7 and works second shift, hasn't been there as a parent in years, the Dad is on the run from the law and not allowed in the state she lives in. She is one of the smartest and coolest kids ever, it shouldn't have to come to this for her. She deserves a real adult, an actual functioning person in her life.
I think Daddy needs to feel the leather.
I mean, I saw the autopsy report of a 4 year old who was beaten to death with a belt by his father... I'd say that ranks up there.
Humanity is dead!
This young kid (8) would turn up to school with obvious signs of abuse. One day he turned up and his tongue was sticking out of his mouth and his head shaking/bobbing back and forth from brain injury from the beating he got at home and the school just thought he was wrongly medicated. He would always have bruises all over him and lumps on his skull and no one questioned it!! It was a case of severe negligence, not only by his parents, but by the school and everyone who saw the boy. Someone apparently took him to hospital a few times (was it his grandmother or something?) and the hospital staff just brushed it off as "boys will be boys," play type bruises and said maybe he was wrongly medicated (for ADHD). The boy always said "he didn't remember" when people asked him how he hurt himself, turning up with new bruises and cuts every day.
Everyone just said he was clumsy because of ADHD. When he was at his worst - when his head was bobbing back and forth, bruises all over his body, the step father filmed him and showed his colleagues a video of the kid laughing and saying "look at what a wanker he is!!"
Two days later the kid could not even talk and was vomiting all over the place. He fell asleep that night and according to the step father, he went to check on him and he apparently died in his arms or some crap...
The ambulance came and found the kid strangled to death, with bits of paper shoved up his nose. The step father had also waited two hours or something to call the ambulance after he dies. But still claimed to be innocent. When asked about all the bruises everyone just said they didn't know.. Such a f**ked case.
The mother also denied everything and protected her boyfriend. After the step father was convicted, he trashed the grave/burial site of the kid and kicked the tomb stone over etc. This happened EVERY time he got out on parole while waiting for prison time. He denied trashing the grave and denied killing him, but the evidence was overwhelming. The grave just suddenly gets trashed the ONE day you have parole? He also said "the little boy is still f**king up our lives even after he's dead."
How much of an a**hole can you possibly be? 8 years old and neglected by the world. The worst part (perhaps) is that they have two new kids together today. Like ...... cringe. The mother has been interviewed after the case and even in the interviews, she's more pissed at her boyfriend having to be in prison then about the son she lost.
Some parents need a hard smack.
Wife's friend has two kids and a milquetoast husband. Went to the diner where the kids were allowed to climb on furniture, run around and eat as much as they wanted. The boy proceeded to vomit all over the floor a few tables away and ruined some other couple's meal. The parents ignored all of this. Made no effort to correct the kid or even clean up the mess. So much rage. I held it in and calmly informed the wife later that I would not subject myself to their company again. The next time they came to visit my wife, I made damn sure I was working.
Haven't seen them since.
You're a winner lady! Not in the good way!
I know a mother that lets her son basically walk all over her. He yells at her, swears at her, calls her a b**ch to her face, and she always just says yes to him. It is really kinda sad.
My previous downstairs neighbor was a large family, and the youngest kid was like 6 or 7, and 24/7 would be running around stomping his feet, screaming at the top of his lungs, the parents never did anything. What really set it off, is when at about 2am, he turned on the gas on the stove, and then went to bed. I woke up, smelled the gas, and had called the fire department, grabbed my most important stuff (safe of important papers, and my case with my rackmount audio gear, laptop, and studio monitors inn it) and ran outside. After everything is all over with, about 5:30 am, I had class at 8 am, and the mother comes to me yelling at me about calling the fire department.
I have seen a lot of bad parents, but that takes the cake in my opinion.
Kids are not pawns...
Heroine addicts begging at the traffic signal carrying their infants would pinch the child to make it cry louder and tell stories of how they haven't eaten in days and lots of people pay them. They earn enough to keep themselves alive and score their next fix. People have started handing them food instead of money to counter such practices but they still manage to earn enough for their drug expenditure.
You maybe out too early...
I used to work in Gamestation (now known as part of Game in the UK) and I had two scummy parents were at the counter buying a 2nd hand PS2. They had a cute little girl with them maybe 6yrs old or so?
Anyway while they were paying for the console the little girl was tugging on the father's coat because she's picked up some crappy kids game and wants it. After some persistent tugging the dad turns to the kid and yells, "FFS, I'M JUST OUT THE JAIL CAN I NOT HAVE ANYTHING FOR MYSELF?" and shoves the kid out the way.
I was amazed.
My wife's friend had twins the same time as we had our son. They are all 3 years old, 4 in a few months, but you'd think her twins are autistic. They can barely say their names whilst all the other parents in the community can have full conversations with their 3 year olds.
We had a chat with them because they were feeling down about how much more advanced other children were.
Long story short, we find out that they refuse to teach their kids anything. They figure since they pay for daycare that it's day cares job to raise and teach their children. They strongly refuse too. The father said "I'm not teaching my children f**k all, what are those daycare workers paid for. Lazy f**ks!"
On top of that he's a huge pot smoker and smokes a pack a day. We went to their place to find out "he only smokes in the bathroom," the entire place smelt of dope and cigarette and was smoggy.
He genuinely thought he was a good human being for only doing it in the bathroom lol, sigh. Those poor kids.
HOW IS BREEDING LEGAL FOR EVERYONE?!!
My boyfriend's cousin once went on about how nice his 5 year old daughter's a** was.
A** not butt or bum or anything like that, even though that would still be borderline not ok.
He had her young and is obsessed with "getting pu**y." His number one concern when looking for a future girlfriend is that she's as good looking as him.
Dad to the rescue.
I went to go drop my three year old off with her mom. Her mom was in a hurry so she asked me to put our daughter directly into her carseat in her car. When I did I noticed that the car seat was just resting on the seat. Literally not buckled in at all.
I calmly tell her that the seat isn't hooked up. She says it's too hard for her to buckle up. Okay... no biggie. They can be a pain to tighten properly. So I buckle it up like it is supposed to be. After a few minutes I have it nice and tight but it is ever so slightly canted because her seat is old and worn.
This whole time she is getting frustrated because it is taking too long. When I finish she sees that it is slightly crooked and gets pissed because "people will think she's a bad mom" and proceeds to push me out of the way and unbuckle it. Then she loads our daughter into it and speeds away with the car seat literally just resting on the seat.
I guess to some people appearances matter more than safety. I followed her and called the police. Then she tried to say I was stalking her to the police... who saw right through her bull.
Edit: A lot of people are asking if I tried to take custody from her after this. No I didn't- custody was already settled with each of us having her for half of the week. Truth be told she's not a bad mom- she was just really bad in this moment. looking at the bigger picture it wouldn't have been in my daughter's best interest to try and take custody because of this one misjudgment. The ticket, embarrassment and understanding that this is not acceptable behavior was enough.
Who did your homework?
I'm a teacher. There's a very subtle "bad parenting technique" that I see on a daily basis. It's parents covering for their student's mistakes. I have parents email me regularly to find out what the homework is. I have parents literally come to the school and turn in work for their students. I've had parents schedule meetings with the administration to dispute a student's exam grade (on a multiple choice test). While this may help a student's grade for a week, it cripples any future that he or she might have. Many of my students cannot rely on themselves or their own faculties to complete an assignment. They absolutely must have parental support. It makes me very worried for their college-career-life readiness.
Time and time again, people spreading lies about others for no reason has demonstrated the lack of humanity in our gossip-obsessed society.
People have nothing better to do other than to bring down others out of spite.
What's even more disappointing is that some of us have at one point played a part in perpetuating these rumors without even knowing it.
And other times, we are the subject of a rumor, and that's never fun.
Curious to hear examples of the situation, Redditor PieNo17 asked:
"What’s the worst rumor you ever heard about yourself?"
Kids can be so cruel.
Introduction To Antisemitism
"I was bullied in elementary school for being Jewish. I very much am not Jewish. Apparently there was a rumor going around school that I was a 'Jew boy.' I was utterly confused and didn’t understand why being Jewish would even be something to be bullied about."
"Ah, I used to get bullied for being Asian....I am not Asian. Turns out it was a rumor started by a kid who was actually half Asian. I think he just didn't want to be the only Asian kid at school."
Seeking Pleasure At The Buffet
"When I was in sixth grade our whole grade (~100) was on a field trip out of town. We stopped at an Old Country Buffet to eat. I had to poop while we were there, and another kid in my grade was peeking through the stall at me while I was on the toilet. He then yelled that I was pleasuring myself in the stall. This turned into everyone talking about it outside of the bathroom, and now I was the kid who m*sturbated in an Old Country Buffet."
"When I was a kid, I was in the (for lack of a better term) special ed program at school due to a muscular condition that affected my fine motor skills, which meant I got bullied mercilessly. Determined to change my rep, I worked ridiculously hard to improve my skills so I no longer needed that program in middle school. Somehow, a rumor got started that I'd been kicked out of that program because I'd tried to kill the teacher, and that became the rumor that defined me until the day I graduated high school."
These Redditors' friends thought they'd seen a ghost.
"I had a car wreck on a country road. Black Cow and calf in the road, and I hit both of them. My mother called into school the next day but pretty much just told them I was in a wreck and nothing else. Word got around that I was dead in a car wreck."
"Showed up at school 2 days later because car wrecks hurt and a couple of buddies actually cried when I showed up saying they thought I was dead."
"Once, at work, we came across the obituary of a former coworker. Due to the long hours we were working on this project none of us managed to go to the wake or funeral, but we sent flowers. Months later the dude turned up on another job site, very much alive. Apparently this dude that died was totally unrelated, had the same name and was also an industrial painter… we sent flowers, that must have been confusing for his family."
"Similar story happened to me. Had severe covid at the very beginning of the pandemic. Was out of work for 6 months. Someone with my exact name and in the same town passed away my coworkers thought it was me. Some people didn't even know i was alive until I was back to work for three months"
The Friendship Test
"That I had died. I woke up one morning to find about 50 messages on my phone and dozens of missed calls (my phone was on silent). It was my ex girlfriend of all people who I spoke with first as she was freaking out because (as it turns out) someone with my name had died. It got lost in translation and next thing you know a lot of my out of state friends thought it was me. It was nice to know they cared so much."
Rumors about crushes, love and relationships seem to be a commonality.
"My friend introduced me to a girl at his high school and we were into each other. She was having some friends over for a sleepover and took the opportunity to invite me over, cuddle and make out while everyone else was asleep. The next morning we groggily hung out for a bit and made plans to hang out again soon. I’ll never forget how she hugged me and kissed me before I left. I ran into our mutual friend while walking home and I told him where I’d been. I didn’t know that he had a crush on her and he was pissed. By the time I got home, she had blocked and deleted me. I found out later from another friend that our mutual 'friend' had told her that I had an STD and only wanted to use her for sex."
"Hey, this same thing happened to me! I moved around a lot as a kid and ended up in the same place for 7th to 12th grade. The first few people I met were some kids in the neighborhood, 1 girl and 1 guy. They weren't mutual friends, but I became good friends with both of them and ended up introducing them to each other. The girl and I would stay up late texting on old flip phones and sneak out with each other over the summer. Then, almost out of nowhere, she just stopped talking to me. Turns out the guy developed a crushed and spent literal weeks trying to convince her that all I wanted was sex. Luckily, I was able to find out and defend myself, but unluckily, I found out later that he did that with many, many people. He probably ended up ruining at least 30 friendships with people throughout my time in high school."
A Bad Romance
"i think the only rumor that i ever really heard back in highschool was that i communed with satan. and when a few people asked, i just went with it. i was just like ya, satan and i talked last night, hes doing well. we have dinner plans for the weekend. just stupid stuff like that."
We never know how the rumor mill picks some of these out and seemingly distributes them to everyone in our community, no matter how big or small or far away. But we're glad these Redditors were willing to share!
It's a teacher's job to leave a lasting impression and set a good example for their students.
With this in mind, particularly in this age of viral videos and social media, teachers have to be very careful of what they say during class hours.
Even so, there are very few teachers who haven't said something they've regretted when teaching a class.
Sometimes to control unruly students, other times when they've simply had enough.
Then too, sometimes teachers leave their students baffled and perplexed by what they say in their classroom, well aware of what they were saying.
Always making for a memorable story.
"What’s the wildest thing you’ve ever heard teacher say in class?"
And Anyone With Such Closed Minded Views Shouldn't Be Teaching...
"Had the Head of the Department in college claim in class that anyone who actually needs accommodations for mental health issues should not be in college to begin with."
"This was while we were discussing 'Death of a Salesman' and the discussion had veered over to unhealthy pressure and social standards for success."- RavensQueen502
"My very well-respected Biology teacher in college spent almost an entire lecture telling us that Jamie Lee Curtis was a hermaphrodite."
"It seemed oddly personal to him."- Urbane_Cowboy
Sad On So Many Levels
"Not heard but my freshmen year high school teacher once pulled a bottle of Jack out of his desk and took a shot during class."
"He was dying so towards the end I think he just stopped caring."- Mangothefello
Can't Take The Heat, Then Stay Out Of The Classroom...
"High school science teacher told my class that a kilometre was longer than a mile."
"Refused to budge when refuted and kicked out several students for doing so."- SupersonicDebris13
"5th grade teacher: 'Mount Whitney in California is the tallest mountain in the world'."
"5th grade me blurts out: 'No it isn't, Mount Everest is."
"Whitney is not even the tallest mountain in the USA, which is Mount McKinley in Alaska'."
"I got in trouble for 'contradicting the teacher'."- gtmattzget out GIFGiphy
It's Not Just Students Who Are Bullies...
"I had a teacher ridicule a fat kid about his lunch choices in front of the whole class."
"He ran out crying as she was making fat guy blimp gestures and telling him he was going to be huge as an adult."- SnooOwls5859
Some Dramatic License It Seems...
"I had a literature teacher who told the class that he didn't believe in dinosaurs, because the universe is only a couple thousand years old."
"The bones were put there by Satan."
"Thank f*ck he wasn't a science or history teacher."- AllBadAnswersof montreal dancing GIF by Polyvinyl RecordsGiphy
Everyone Deserves Nice Acomodations...
"My English teacher told us that he genuinely believes that the Rothchilds own a hotel for aliens in the Bermuda triangle."- TroyLear77
"We had this kid in our 6th-grade class."
"Very dark skinned kid from Africa."
"His name was Tajak."
"Every now and then when we'd line up to go to another class or lunch and the lights would go out some of his friends would go 'where Tajak at?'"
"Anyway one day we had a sub and we we're lining up for lunch, the lights went out and there went the 'where Tajak at?' and the SUBSTITUTE TEACHER who was also black went 'Boy you darker than night'."
"6th grade was f*cking wild."- 11221mikew
"Psych teacher in high school told us that 1 in 10 of the people were friends with in high school would be dead within 5 years of graduating."
"At the time I thought it was hyperbole, but it turns out he was being conservative."
"3 of the people in my high school friend group were dead by the time I was 22."- Reddit
Do They Really Need A Reason?
"'Now girls, don't you let them boys touch your breasts'."
"'It'll give you cancer'."- jondru
Maybe Should Have Checked With The Geography Teacher?
"A teacher in Elementary school claimed during history class that the Colosseum was in Greece, as an Italian kid I was very confused, this was in Mexico."- Spascucci
So Much For Instilling Hope...
"Didn't hear this personally, but read in a book about a guy who recalled his teacher skipping chapters in a textbook and saying 'You will not need to know this when you are down in the mines'."- futanari_kaisa
The mark of a good teacher is that students will take everything they hear from them with them for the rest of their lives.
Though, the less-than-wonderful teachers may also say things their students will never forget.
People Who've Had A Serious Illness Describe The Exact Moment They Knew Something Was Really Wrong
As a kid, I never raised alarm bells even when I started to feel sick. My mom got stressed easily and was busy taking care of my younger brother, so I never wanted to be a burden by making her take me to the doctor only to find out nothing was wrong.
However, in fifth grade, my ears started to hurt and I knew something was wrong. I told my mom, she took me to the doctor, and I found out I had an ear infection.
Now, an ear infection isn't serious at all, and it was easily treatable. Still, I learned something from that experience: no one knows your body better than you. You know if and when you're sick and how serious it is, even if you don't now exactly what is wrong.
Redditors can corroborate this. Many of them have experienced symptoms that told them they were sick in some way -- usually with a very serious illness -- and are ready to share those experiences.
It all started when Redditor thelearner18 asked:
"People who have had a serious disease (cancer, MS, organ failure, etc) when did you realize something was really wrong?"
A Lesson Learned
"Hust found out i have rectal cancer. 42 yrs old. multiple stools per day, not fully emptying, thin poop. so got a colonoscopy. bam! cancer. starting chemo next week. lesson learned for everyone....if your stools or stool schedule changes, go see a doctor"
A Lucky Break
"I had been having a lot of pain in my midsection, and all around my torso for several weeks. I went to the doctor and it was dismissed as gynecological cramping (menopausal?). It remained. After several weeks (6-8) I couldn’t take it anymore. I went to emergency in the middle of the night. I got a CT scan that showed a large kidney stone. They also found a mass on my ovary. The kidney stone lead them to finding a rare ovarian cancer. If not for that stone, I wouldn’t have known about the cancer and might not have caught it in time. I have been in remission since September 2021."
Cause For Concern
"My kid, who was 14 at the time, kept throwing up in the morning and having weird headaches. Her doctor thought it was migraines. She went back a couple of times, but the doctor was not concerned. Then one day she complained of a whooshing noise in her ear. Went to the children’s hospital and found out it was a brain tumor near her cerabellum. She was in ICU for a month, but turned out it was non cancerous and it never grew back. She is doing great now."
"I heard a whooshing noise in my ear a few years ago I only really heard it at night when it was quiet it would sometimes switch ears now I basically never hear it. I'm pretty sure it was just pulsatile tinnitus but still scary."
It Was The Salt
"I have Cystic Fibrosis (terminal lung disease) and it was found out when I didn't sh*t for 3 days after I was born and then my mother gave me a kiss and said I tasted REALLY salty."
"Now I'm on a gene modification drug called Trikafta and this is some serious witch craft a** sh*t because I no longer feel sick to death and I basically feel like a normal person. It's f*cking wild!
"Went from 19% lung function to 87% in 3 months. I no longer cough my a** off or feel like I'm suffocating from mucus. Go science!"
A Funky Optic Nerve
"I was diagnosed with MS when I was 22 after having blurred vision in one eye after a ski trip. I went to the optometrist and they said I had a dry eye probably from not wearing goggles while snow boarding. So they gave me steroid drops. After a week it kept getting worse, so I went back and they told me my eye looked much better so they did a field of view test, which showed I couldn’t see anything out of the lower half of one eye. They sent me straight to the emergency room since nothing was wrong physically wrong with my eye. They did some tests and I was diagnosed with MS and ended up going completely blind in one eye. My vision eventually came back and I got on medication within a month so haven’t really had any symptoms or issues since thankfully. I’m only 29 now though."
Caught It In Time
"This isn't me, but this happened to my best friend VERY recently. Like in the last couple of months."
"Was perfectly fine and healthy one day. Then the next he started feeling a little bit of pain in his kidney. He'd had kidney stones before, so he figured it was that again. Then he started peeing blood. He thought it was still part of the kidney stone thing so let it go for a couple days, but he was still peeing blood and the pain was getting worse."
"That's when he decided to go to the doctor. They did an X-ray and found a mass in his kidney and told him that based on where it was located they can't remove the mass, and they can't do a partial kidney removal, and it's about a 90% chance it's cancerous, but they wouldn't be able to do a biopsy without removing the kidney first. They did the whole insurance dance, but it went fast and within two weeks he was in surgery having his kidney removed."
"He's still recovering at home right now, but they got the biopsy results last week. It was indeed cancerous, but they caught it before it spread."
Happily Ever After
"I couldn’t walk anymore with my crutch I had been using to get by. Had Been on Percocet for 8 months because of the extreme pain. Nobody was finding answers to my pain but I knew something was wrong, badly. After finally having an ultra sound on my hips at the age of 26 I found out I had to undergo a double hip replacement to walk again due to a serious rare disease. I was stage 4 Avascular Nercrosis. Took a year to recover from both. But Happier ending, I’m doing good now. However it was very very upsetting news to get over a phone call at 26."
It Really Sneaks Around
"My wife started getting numbness in her right arm. The breast cancer had spread to her right shoulder and the tumor was crushing the nerves. She has stage four breast cancer in her bones."
A Turn For The Worse
"For me, it started May 14, 2014. I went to work and was having a good morning. Then, at about 9:00 in the morning or so, I started to feel some lower abdominal pain. Not to be crude, but it felt like that cramp you get when you really need to go to the bathroom. I did so, but the pain didn't go away. It got worse. I started to feel chills, was sweating, and felt nauseated. My employer has a clinic on site, so I went there. After some poking and prodding, the nurse asked me if I wanted to go home or if I wanted to go to the emergency room. I decided to go home, and if the pain didn't subside, then I'd go to the emergency room. As I was saying that, though, I noticed that my pain had gotten a LOT worse. They always make you rate your pain on a scale of 0 to 10, with 0 being no pain at all and 10 being the worst pain you've ever felt. When I went into the clinic, I was mostly uncomfortable, maybe a high 2 going into a 3. On that very subjective scale, I was now a 6 or a 7."
"I changed my mind and decided to go straight to the nearest emergency room. My boss drove me, and by the time we got there about 15 minutes later, I was now a 10. This was the worst pain I'd ever felt. My previous definition of the worst pain I'd ever felt was when I broke 7 bones in my wrist, it was misdiagnosed as a sprain, and I had to have them rebroken 2 weeks later. The pain in my abdomen was now worse than that. The emergency room admitted me and put me in a wheelchair. They wheeled me to a room, I curled up on the bed they put me in, and passed out."
"At some point, a nurse came in and gave me some morphine. Great stuff. No pain at all anymore. A doctor came in and told me they suspected a kidney stone. He wanted me to get a CT scan to confirm it, and I agreed. An orderly wheeled me off to imaging. I got scanned without contrast and was wheeled back to the room. My wife had arrived while I was getting scanned. Shortly later, the doctor who told me he thought it was a kidney stone came into the room. With another doctor. And two nurses. They all crowd around me with solemn looks on their faces."
"The first doctor told me it was a kidney stone. A 2 to 3 mm kidney stone had been lodged in the ureter of my left kidney. That's the tube that goes from the kidney to the bladder. It passed into my bladder when they gave me the morphine, but they could see evidence of it on the CT scan. Then the other doctor said they were more concerned about the 6 cm mass they found on my right kidney. They had my attention."
"They did another CT scan, with contrast this time, and it was impossible to see anything but a tumor in the pictures they showed me. They made an appointment for me with a urologist for the next day, as well as an appointment in a few days time to get it biopsied. It was an after-hours appointment for the urologist, but he was nice enough to stay late to see me. He looked at the CT Scans and cancelled my appointment to get it biopsied. He said there was nothing else it could be but cancer, and the kidney would have to go."
"Two months later, I had the kidney and the tumor removed laparoscopically. I was incredibly lucky. They caught it in stage 1. The doctor said there were signs it was going to start moving soon. I have no idea how doctors can look at a softball sized lump of cancer and tell anything other than 'gross', but that's why they're the doctors and I'm not."
"My recovery was smooth, and I've been cancer-free for 9 years. I was incredibly blessed. I didn't have to deal with chemo, or radiation. While those can save your life, they are also horrible experiences with nasty side effects. I didn't have to deal with any of them. I was bracing myself to have to. They said it was a possibility. But I didn't. I have every respect for those not as fortunate as me, and wish them all the best in recovery."
Reason #5,622 To Start Exercising
"I started jogging again to try and get back into running shape. I kept noticing that just after a mile or so, I'd stop and get REALLY lightheaded. Kept thinking, "oh, I'm really out of shape" and kept going. Went in a few weeks later for my annual physical and doctor said "you ever been told you have a heart murmur?", no. Two months later I spent Christmas of 2017 in the ICU after having a section of my aorta cut out and a new valve put in. Surgeon said it was bad. Said it wouldn't have made it too much longer."
"Edit: for clarification, it was an aortic dissection."
Slow And Steady
"My dad's friend went on a hike with a doctor who knew him and he was winded not far from the car. The doctor clocked it right away and told him to get his heart checked. He had 98% blockage in his heart arteries."
"He tells my dad so my dad gets the test to see how his arteries are doing and they found a massive aneurism on his aorta. He is getting it removed tomorrow. He had no symptoms but the doctors said if he had overdone it he would be dead before anyone would even know what was going on. Crazy how a random friend's hike may have saved his life."
It Takes A Village
"I never did, my teacher and parents did."
"I was seven, usually an active kid and my first grade teacher noticed that rather than running around at recess I sat down and took a nap. It happened a couple more times and after I fell asleep in class (totally out of character), she gave my parents a call, we had been visiting the doc fairly regularly cause I was also complaining of joint pain and frequent ear infections combined with the new symptoms and a new doc at the practice I was finally diagnosed with leukemia."
Thank goodness for that teacher (and of course, the parents)!
When in the beginning stages of dating, it's important to know as much as humanly possible.
The element of surprise is no longer a fun aspect of romance.
Ask the small questions. Ask the hard questions.
Interrogate. Grill. Investigate.
Of course, you should do it with a subtle hand instead of an interrogation lamp.
The truth is all we have.
Redditor RedditPenguin02 wanted to make a list of the best inquiries to make when starting a relationship, so they asked:
"What is a good question to ask before you start dating someone?"
From what I've learned in my past, always ask... "Are you into Buffy the Vampire Slayer? The TV show."
If it's a no, then it's a dealbreaker.
I DoShocked Schitts Creek GIF by CBCGiphy
"Are you married?"
"I would ask that. If they said no, the next question was 'Would your wife agree?'"
"If they laughed, they were telling the truth. If they got indignant and pissed off that I thought they were lying…they were married."
"Worked every time."
"Do you clap when the plane lands?"
"I swear people used to do this all the time when I was a kid (early 2000’s), and I don’t think I’ve heard anyone do it in 5+ years. I guess 9/11 really made people afraid of flying for about 10 years and then most folks decided they didn’t need to applaud when the plane landed safely?"
"Do you want kids in the future? If one person wants kids and the other wants to stay child-free, then they are not compatible. And it is better to try dating someone else."
"It confuses me whenever some couples who disagree on this end up in a conundrum because one expected the other to change their mind. This is something I bring up early cause I see no future with someone who wants kids when I do not."
"You should always put childfree on your dating profile. It's not a small thing. Either you agree on it or not. If I had to date, I would put childfree on my profile too."
Carb it on...
"Do you like bread? That is the extent of my flirting skills."
"Being German, bread is like a frickin' cultural phenomenon here, we have around 300 kinds of bread, there's a bread museum, every time I go on vacation I'm like yeah it's nice here but the bread ain't it yall, never as good as home lol. So yeah, valid question and the only answer to this is an enthusiastic yes."
Room TemperatureFrosty The Snowman Winter GIF by filmeditorGiphy
"What temperature do you set the thermostat to throughout the year?"
"Haha this one always gets me as someone who needs low temps - you can always put on more clothes, I can't peel my skin off to get cooler."
The thermostat is a dealbreaker for me.
It's gonna be 60. Love it or move on.
DiscoveryBlown Away Wow GIF by AminéGiphy
"When was the last time you changed your mind about something?
"Opens a window to how they think."
"If that was really early on in the dating I’d think it was a bit of a head-f**k question. I’d probably find that question a red flag, tone dependent, although I agree with the sentiment."
"Aside from major differences about finances, kids, politics, or religion, a big one is; What are your hobbies? If they don’t really have any, you may be the next hobby, which isn’t going to work unless you’ve got that kind of time. If the hobbies are time-consuming ones generally done with a SO."
"But you have no interest in them, that could be an issue as well. If only one of you likes camping, wanted to spend vacation lounging instead of exploring, didn’t like sports, etc either that partner is annoyed or the other feels like they don’t get to enjoy what they love."
"Ask them about their exes. If they think every single one of them is an a**hole... they are likely the real a**hole."
"I have mixed feelings about that - I've been in three previous relationships and all three were emotionally abusive towards me (one wasn't nearly as bad as the other two, though) in various ways. I know this is a common sentiment and it always makes me afraid that people won't believe me or something.
"I mean, I realize in your comment you said 'likely' and not '100% sure' and there's plenty of room for nuance."
"I would try to take care of any dealbreakers. If I find out that she has different political values than I do, it's not going to work out in the long run, so I wouldn't bother. Same thing with other factors (religion, financial values, etc.). I would also ask how much cuddling she likes to engage in, as I prefer a lot."
EssentialsTell Me More To Do List GIF by Disney ChannelGiphy
"When I was dating my three essential questions were always kids, sex, and money. If you're not on the same wavelength for any of those three things, just don't even try."
"So, how much personal debt do you have?"
"Source: the guy who dated a woman with huge debts and was asked to pay for everything and then some".
"After that, I'd go with, 'Have you ever been diagnosed with borderline, narcissistic, or histrionic personality disorders?"
The questions are basic.
Just ask for the truth.
Do you have any good Qs to add to the queue? Let us know in the comments below.