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Therapists Share Their Best 'I'm Not Supposed To Judge You But...' Experiences

Therapists Share Their Best 'I'm Not Supposed To Judge You But...' Experiences
Image by Robin Higgins from Pixabay

To provide a productive therapeutic environment, therapists are trained to "meet people where they're at."


That means accepting a client and their struggle regardless of how alienating the specifics may be. That acceptance allows a safe space to form where the client can verbalize their feelings and responses, and understand their internal states more closely.

But therapists are humans.

Sure, they're ideally well-trained humans especially skilled at noticing certain thought patterns and human tendencies. That said, they do have knee-jerk initial responses to the people around them.

They then mindfully work around those responses to continue to provide good care. But nonetheless, the occasional moment of shock does come about every now and then.

homowithoutsapiens asked, "Therapists of reddit, what was your biggest 'I know I'm not supposed to judge you but holy sh*t' moment?

Judging the Context

"Therapist here. To piggy back on what others have said, it is highly unlikely for me to have moments where I judge my clients."

"It happens sometimes, but I'm able to shut down those thoughts quickly in my head and return to being present for the people I see."

"People are so incredibly complex that my judgment wouldn't have any meaning anyway and it doesn't have a place in our work together."

"I will admit though, something that does get me feeling a little salty is when I have a client's parent that attempts to sabotage the therapeutic relationship I have with their child..."

"...or pulling them out of therapy entirely when some of the things we talk about challenges some potentially unhealthy family dynamics."

"I don't feel anger toward the parents, mostly I feel bad for the kid."

-- dirtyberti

Out of His Wheelhouse

"When I was under age, I got caught with a drink on bourbon street and got a minor in possession."

"I was telling my therapist about it, and said that the police caught me with a 'hand grenade' in New Orleans."

"He didn't realize that a hand grenade was a type of drink, and it was funny to watch him try to process that his patient might have just casually told him that he had been caught with a fragmentation grenade."

"He took a big long pause, and said, 'where did you even find a grenade?'"

"I realized the misunderstanding quickly and corrected him. But for a moment he definitely was thinking 'holy sh** how do I deal with this?'"

-- BurnieTheBrony

Sometimes, it's Just Too Much

"I'll never judge someone, especially someone who has come to me hurting. The world is full of a**holes already."

"That said, I found out while I was still doing internships that I'm very uncomfortable working with abusers, so I don't do it."

"It took one recount of a man describing in detail how he was strangling his wife up against a wall and making her look at the beam he was gonna hung her from."

"I got out of the office and told my supervisor I just couldn't do it. (It's worth mentioning, I was just an observer back then, I didn't act as the therapist, my supervisor was."

"She wanted me to be prepared to work not only with victims, but with victimisers as well)"

-- godforsaken-mess

Don't Get Pulled In

"Actual therapist here. I get moments like that sometimes, but by the next session, I've usually reached a place where I'm more ashamed of myself for judging than I am surprised by my client."

"For example, people with symptoms of borderline personality disorder can really elicit reactions like that for me."

"One day they might be saying that they really value someone's friendship, and the next they might be ready to cut that person out of their lives completely over a disagreement."

"Or they'll be working on expressing more emotions one day, and the next day "I'm never talking about my feelings again."

"My first (internal) reaction is usually 'Dude, what??'"

"But then I take a step back and remember that this type of behavior is the exact problem they're trying to solve. And that there's probably really important experiences that shaped them to respond in this way."

-- Phaesporic

Different Realities

"Okay, real therapist here. I got one. Some of my clients are SHOCKINGLY BAD at giving themselves credit, holy sh**!!"

"Like they might get a nearly straight A GPA in a brutal major while battling depression, or overcome years of phobia and get behind the wheel again, or write a literal novel..."

"...or raise a kid as a single parent with low income, or build new relationships after being burned, or cope with OCD well enough to hold down a job."

"And they'll talk about themselves as if everyone on earth is better than them, as if their accomplishments are worthless."

"And I know it's because of depression or anxiety or another condition, but I'm often stunned by how differently I see them compared to how they see themselves."

-- Phaesporic

More of an Ongoing Concern 

"Not a judgment - you kind of train your brain not to judge, because you are seeking to understand and help. When you do those things, you can't simultaneously judge."

"We could all use a little more of that in real life, I suppose."

"I'll share this though. I do feel concerned about this recent phenomenon of young people I worked with self-diagnosing, sharing, and identifying very closely with mental illness..."

"...as if the pendulum quickly swung from 'never, ever share your feelings' to 'OMG, you're depressed? All of us are too!'"

"Life's challenges can be tough and they don't need a scientific-sounding label to be valid and real. You are not your diagnosis. We can find validation and support in healthier ways."

-- Hops985

Not Judging, but Stunned

"I'm a licensed psychologist and I'll tell you I've never judged my patients. The world is so full of judgement and it's my job to objectively look at someone who's suffering and offer them empathy and a path towards healing."

"The one thing I've judged is the situations that people survive and continue to live their lives."

"I've worked with torture survivors, survivors of genocide and famine. I've worked with people whose entire villages were wiped out because a war lord wanted the water well that was sitting in the town."

"It always gives me pause in terms of the anguish some people face and their resilience. So if I have one message, it would be in the words of RJ Palacio, 'Be kind for everyone is fighting a hard battle.'"

-- Persianator

Wounded Too 

"Well, I quit my last therapist because I made him cry uncontrollably. He tried not to, but he just couldn't hold it back. I felt guilty and won't see him anymore."

"I think he may have lost a child before. I described watching my aunt grieve over her son's body. I felt so much pain losing him, but was explaining how watching my aunt was dramatically worse."

"The details about her is what made him lose it. I could tell he was reliving something inside his own head."

-- befuzzledbiochemnerd

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The Absolute Weirdest Questions People Have Been Asked In A Job Interview

Reddit user TinyTbird12 asked: 'What is the weirdest question you’ve been asked at a job interview, what happened?'

job interview
Van Tay Media on Unsplash

I once burst out laughing during a job interview.

It was for an internal position so I knew all of the interviewers well, but even if I hadn't I doubt I could have kept a straight face.

What cracked me up?

This interview question:

"If I attended a backyard BBQ with your last boss, what do you think they'd say about you?"

After I stopped laughing,

I told the interviewer—who happened to be my then boss' boss:

"I'm sorry, but that sounds like a question from the Miss America Pageant."

The interview panel got a laugh out of that. And yes, I did answer the question.

So what odd, absurd or just plain strange interview questions have people gotten?

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The holiday season is lovely, but it's full of pressure to travel, plan, host, and of course, get gifts for a lot of people.

But the thing we don't really talk about is how common it is to want something specific and to not have someone in our life who tries to seek out what that thing is.

Unless we get it for ourselves, it's common that we won't get what we actually want.

Redditor GeneralSpectatorTots asked:

"What do you want for Christmas that you know you aren't going to get?"

​Sobriety 

"My brother to be sober and happy."

- whatwhatwhat82

"I’m also trying to get sober. I wish your brother well. Keep being a support to him."

- Keri2816

A New Home

"A house deposit."

- WolfGirl_4

"A house deposit? Just gift you a house!"

- Grenflik

A Financial Advantage

"A winning lottery ticket."

- Krem541

"Every year I ask Santa. Every f**king year."

- kuchikopi626

Grandma's Homecooked Meals

"One last meal from my grandma. She made the best food, and of course, you don't know the last time is going to be the last time until it's too late."

- fakefishy

Family Love

"Love from my parents."

- bub_501

"This mom is sending you a long hug."

- hippocampus237

A Professional Massage

"A gift certificate for a professional massage. I can't bring myself to spend the money on myself. I need to just bite the bullet and do it."

"I have asked for one every year for years. Sometimes it's the only thing I ask for from my parents and my partner (when they ask what I want)."

"I always get wonderful gifts that I love, use, and/or needed but I REALLY WANT A F**KING MASSAGE."

- agbmom

The Best Neighbor

"A card from my twin brother saying, 'Just kidding, I’m not moving to Washington, I actually found a place in your neighborhood!'"

- insertcaffeine

Very Important Things

"Free Healthcare and a good used car for my husband."

- Sufficient_Letter883

The End to Ableism

"Independence and not being infantilized because I’m a 37-year-old disabled woman and no one in my family understands (extended family who all live within 10 mins of me)."

- Keri2816

World Travel

"Guilt-free travel! It's like asking for a never-ending vacation. How I wish I could just hop around the world without worrying about a thing!"

- KayleNewirk

Sounds Like Paradise

"A pretty, and big apartment for me and my cat."

- cats-autumn

"For my cat to let me sleep through the night."

- Cheese_BasedLifeform

Moving Solutions

"A stress-free move, with eight days between closings of two houses four states apart, and four pets to manage in temporary housing. Help me, Santa, I’ve been a good girl."

- Kind-Dust7441

Ready To Be Done!

"For my doctoral capstone paper to finally be approved so I can be done with school! Please, please, Santa, I’m on rewrite 19!"

- TomatilloNo4213

Two Front Teeth

"My two front teeth... My two front teeth."

"But seriously, teeth."

"Mine are all falling out due to an autoimmune disease, and I need implants."

- donkeybrainz13

The Perfect Partner

"A partner to go on adventures with… have singalongs with… and who adores and truly sees me."

- miaoouu

While we may have been expecting some silly responses, or even for someone to finally buy the right brand of a favorite candle or lotion or makeup, these responses were a great reminder of what's really important.

And unfortunately, many of the most important things can't be replaced or fit into a Christmas stocking.

Person holding bouquet of flowers
Carrie Beth Williams/Unsplash

Breaking up is hard to do no matter who initiated it.

But once time has passed and exes have moved on, the healing process can be jarred by a surprise.

A regretfilled person may try and make contact with the one they broke up with and ask for forgiveness, or the person who had their heart broken could also reappear and plead for a fresh new start.

The outcome depends on how much, or how little, the spark of love remains.

Curious to hear more of this scenario from strangers online, Redditor XenaVonKeksdose asked:

"What would you say to your ex if they suddenly showed up at your door?"

For these Redditors, it wouldn't be a happy reunion.

Either, Or

"It ranges from 'come on in and make yourself comfortable' to 'get the f'k out of here' , depending on which one shows up."

– Lone_Buck

"Odds of it being the one who got away: low."

"Odds of it being the one who took 5 years to understand what 'f'k off' meant: pretty high."

– liquid_acid-OG

It's A Nightmare

"Screaming. They've passed."

– BigGrayBeast

"Similar situation here. I did have a dream that my late wife showed up at my door. She said, 'There was a mix up at the coroner, you wouldn’t believe what I’ve been through.”'

"Still in the dream we talked for a bit about nothing. Then I said, 'Wait, what about the life insurance, do we have to pay it back?' And just after that I woke up."

– AnonEMoussie

No Thanks

"Nah"

"Slowly closes the door while maintaining eye contact."

"Also aggressively locks the door."

– SnooCats7666

"raises drawbridge."

– lunalives

Some would show traces of resentment.

Unwelcome

"The f'k do you want? And how did you get this address?"

– s73v3m4nn

"wtf ffs"

– zxr7

Too Little Too Late

"You couldn't put in effort in messaging me, but you have effort now to see me months after we break up‽"

– ShyTerraWolf

"Wait, if you’re here who’s running hell?”

– So__bored

"Who’s guarding HADES."

– Boostio_TV

Hit 'Em Where It Hurts

"I lost weight... You seem to have found it."

– elmo-1959

"now get the f'k off my lawn."

– starkresilient

"Savage."

– 20190229

Others shared less bitter responses.

Coming Clean

"Honestly, I apologize. I know dealing with my prior alcoholism must have been a nightmare. I regret causing you and anyone else pain and hope you are happy. I am a year into sobriety and can understand why it ended. I wish you well."

"Edit: Since this is getting so much traction, I just want to say thanks for all the support. This could honestly be directed at a few of my exes. I am happily married now to someone that also got a taste of my drinking. We stuck it out while I got sober and I have to credit her with being an amazing support system. I also need to shout out r/stopdrinking for providing reinforcement on a daily basis. It is a great community. Naltrexone was also a major part of it. I can't change the past but I think I have a much better hold on the future."

– vivazeta

Someone That I Used To Know

"I've been married for almost 25 years, I don't know if I would even recognize any exes."

– 4a4a

"Yep. That person went from 'ex' to 'someone I once dated' years ago."

– ktwhite42

Expressing Regrets

"I'm sorry for the way I treated you."

– warlordwinters

"Good on you for growing."

– Zealousideal_Ad_7465

Catching Up

"I’d say hello! What are you doing here? It has been a long time."

– ExaminationLucky6082

Wish You Well

"A lot of snarky or comical answers in here, but I'll try to be as sincere as I can."

"My first major ex, first time I got my heart broken: I would sincerely hope that she's doing well. She broke my heart, but it was for the best and it made me into the man I am today. I don't want to think of how much worse I would be if she hadn't given me a reality check wake-up-call. So really just 'Hey, how have you been? I hope the years have been kind to you.'"

"My most recent ex, the first and only time I've had to break someone's heart: I honestly just hope that she can forgive me for having to make taking care of myself and my needs the priority in my life. She's an amazing woman, kindergarten school teacher, unanimously adored by everyone that meets her. But we met via travels, and lived in two different states. Circumstances shifted and seeing each other became much less frequent. Neither of us wanted to quit our jobs and chuck a grenade into our lives and careers. Eventually, for my own mental and emotional health, I had to call it. I truly hope she finds someone amazing, she deserves it. So I would just sincerely hope that she understands, and has moved on."

– obaterista93

I once showed up at an exes door after I broke up with him about a month prior.

I genuinely loved and missed him after making the very difficult decision to end things due to conflicting circumstances that kept us from maintaining a healthy relationship.

But I quickly learned that if you did the breaking up, you should respect the other person's space for a respectable amount of time.

I went to visit him at the apartment where we lived together and a new lover answered the door for him after there was a long period of giggles and lots of feet shuffling from behind the door.

Clearly, he was doing just fine.

Of course, I wasn't welcomed in and was asked what I wanted, to which I had no answer but, "do you have any mail for me?"

Sasquatch
Jon Sailer on Unsplash

People the world over develop their own specific folklore, heavily influenced by the natural world around them and their own culture.

The North American continent was no different.

Reddit user A_KULT_KILLAH wanted to know about the myths and legends of the Indigenous peoples of North America.

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