People Share Subtle Signs That Someone's Had A Rough Childhood
Most people like to think of childhood as the easiest and happiest time in a person's life. Ideally, that's exactly what it should be.
Unfortunately, ideal isn't always real.
One Reddit user asked:
So let's talk a little bit about rough childhoods - or more honestly about what it does to a person. It changes them in ways that they, themselves, might not even realize. Even if they don't talk about it, there are signs that things were not or are not healthy at home.
This article is not directly about abuse or neglect - but in talking about the affects they have on people, there were some personal stories shared and uncomfortable truths discussed. Proceed with caution.
A Little Too Responsible
My sister in law adopted 3 siblings who are completely self-sustainable at a very young age. When they were visiting, I noticed a lot.
-If I gave anything to the oldest boy, he would pass it off to the youngest sister. Then I'd give him another and it went to the middle-sister. Then I'd give him another and he'd finally keep it for himself.
-I asked if they wanted water. He said "yes" and I asked if the girls wanted water too. "Oh, we can all share this one." Obviously I gave them all water, but that one hit me pretty hard.
-He knew their eating schedules and would nag my sister in law.
-Offered to make them mac and cheese or noodles or whatever we have laying around. Promised to clean up after. He was 12 years old.
-When "normal" kids play videogames, they're glued. This kid was constantly checking over his shoulder to make sure everyone was safe and if he felt one of his sisters was up to no good, he would put the controller down even if it meant dying or losing his progress in the game.
-To elaborate on "up to no good" what the oldest brother considered bad behavior was pretty innocuous. There were several instances of things I consider normal childish behavior that he would regularly put a stop to. The most outstanding one was being too loud. It wouldn't even be yelling or screaming. Just typical 5 year old make-believe noises that would cause him to run over and tell the little one to keep it down.
InsecurityConfused Issa Rae GIF by Insecure on HBOGiphy
My Psychology professor used to joke that, "Psychology is the study of common sense." When someone is Insecure, it is generally because they lacked security as a child. Parental love was typically conditional and varied depending on the caretaker's mood. The child becomes insecure due to love not being guaranteed, so to 'earn' this basic need, they will go throughout life trying to 'solve social puzzles' that don't exist. solving imaginary puzzles all the time can prove to be fatiguing, so these individuals tend to isolate themselves.
I remember going to summer camp as a kid and meeting Milo. Milo was big on attention seeking and validation, and would take food from the cafeteria back to his bunk, like eggs and toast. I remember thinking he was just weird, but I think looking back and knowing what I know now, he was probably being neglected at home. Thin as a rail and probably malnourished, so he wanted as much food as he could get, and just wanted someone to acknowledge him. Pretty sad stuff.
I went through a compulsive lying phase from about age ten through...I dunno, 22 or so? A lot of innocuous stuff, like I really wanted the snooty horse girls in my fourth grade class to believe I had an uncle with a sprawling horse farm (?!?). It was absolutely attention seeking, and I've been beating myself up about it since day one. Looking back, of course it was attention seeking behavior. I was so lonely.
We talk about compulsive lying as such a pathetic behavior. Most people who recognize it just write you off as a nutcase or toxic or untrustworthy. But at 10? I was a little kid who didn't believe anybody could possibly like me.
My self worth was nonexistent. The fact that the lying continued through adolescence is because
a) the internet became a thing and I could almost effortlessly develop a whole new identity, which is intoxicating to somebody who feels worthless all the time, and
2) I was intelligent and imaginative enough to juggle the lies, so consequences came very slowly.
It's very appealing to treat liars with contempt, but it takes a special person to recognize the behavior's roots in abuse and neglect and find some compassion. I hope anybody who went through a lying phase (or is in one right now) can be kind to themselves. It's not pathetic to want people to like you. It's human.
They apologize habitually, compulsively, and for everything. Even for things that have nothing to do with them.
This one hurts. I'm constantly told to 'stop apologizing,' and it gets so frustrating trying to explain that I CAN'T HELP IT. It was a survival mechanism in a home where I had no say, and would get in trouble for EVERYTHING. Even the things they told me to do.
Yep. And everything is their fault. They take you to a restaurant and the food sucks? They apologize profusely for it and feel terrible about it — it somehow has become their direct fault.
A Little On Edgeflinch cecily strong GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphy
Everyone is different, but one that automatically raises a red flag for me, and makes me extremely worried is when someone flinches for "no reason". (I wouldn't say It's for no reason, but I don't know what other words to use. So really sorry about that!).
Like, you raise your voice slightly at them and they flinch, you raise your hands to grab something near them and they flinch, you look at them in a certain way and they flinch, you hug them and they flinch, etc., etc.
My dad would hit me when I was younger, but stopped around middle school age. He would get mad at me if I flinched when he went to grab something nearby me like it was my fault for being afraid of him. I think he stopped hitting me after this one time he went too far. He had me pinned up against the wall while kind of choking me? Idk the memory is pretty foggy now, but I remember my mom going completely off on him after that incident.
From personal experience, they always have a defense about what they're doing and why they're doing it lined up.
I was verbally abused and mocked a lot as a child/teen, it hurt me a lot because it didn't matter if I did something right or wrong I'd get yelled at for it, so I learned to have an excuse prepared just in case I have to answer for what I'm doing. Even in my adult life I feel like I'm always thinking to myself ways to justify what I'm up to, even if it's something as benign as why I put a dish away where I did.
No one ever asks about the mundane stuff I do, but I always feel like I have to be ready to defend myself. It really sucks. I shouldn't have to justify my existence.
Lesson Number One
The first lesson we learn in childhood is: How much am I worth?
Our caregivers are the first to reflect this worth to us - from when we are infants and toddlers (if we cry, will someone come to us? if we fall down, will someone pick us up?) to when we are kids and teenagers (do our caretakers choose to spend time with us? do we get help with schoolwork/friend drama?). There is an important balance here. As kids, we want to be taught that we are equally important as everyone else.
Some kids are taught they are less important, and as adults, they may have a hard time asking for help. They think they are "bothering" someone when they have a problem. They may also prioritize the needs of others based on an underlying belief that other people are more important. Some kids are taught that they're more important than others, and therefore treat others poorly and have trouble learning empathy. They try to justify, in their own minds, why they are "better", which can lead to some narcissistic-type thinking/behavior.
A Handy List
From the horse's mouth:
- People-pleasing behaviours (class clown; always agrees)
- Overcompensating with laughter during conversation, in an attempt to appease others
- Self-isolating; stops contacting friends for seemingly no reason (due to feelings of inferiority/worthlessness)
- No motivation to make anything of themselves (believing they would only fail anyway)
- Allows themselves to be bullied; usually hangs out with/dates abusive people
- Conspiracy theorist (can't live without a sense of impending doom; will unconsciously find one)
- Extremely nervous when doing new things in front of others
- "So mature for their age" = didn't get to be a kid/teen
- Total inability to accept compliments
- No - or very few distant - friends as an adult
- Barely any memory of childhood
- No happy stories of childhood
- Extremely-negative self-talk
Boundary issues are common, but reactions still are an individual thing. What helps to keep in mind is the 4F model of trauma responses:
Flight - running away
Fawn - to court favor by a cringing or flattering manner, so basically the stuff pathological people pleasers are made of.
When you notice somebody's reactions are easily categorized as one of those and it is a very persistent pattern, adverse childhood circumstances of some sort are a pretty safe bet.
Food Hoarding And Other Signsmr bean eating GIFGiphy
Food hording is a sign of food insecurities.
Both of my parents were addicts and I spent time in a foster home that had 10+ kids at all times. We were served what we were served, so if we didn't like it we went hungry. I would sneak food that I liked to my room and hide it from the other kids.
I also eat very fast. So much so that people comment on it all the time. My wife will pat me on the shoulder if it's super noticeable and whisper,
"No one is going to take it..."
I was also a bed wetter, which connects to my sexual abuse. but I think that goes past the question at hand.
I used to think my mistrust of police was because of my childhood, but I've since learned that everyone knows all cops are bastards, so that isn't just me. Even as a kid I would run at the first sign of law enforcement, even when I hadn't done anything. I was taught from a young age that the police weren't there to help, they were there to take me or someone I cared about away. Sometimes for good.
Less Important Needs
They think their needs are less important than other people's convenience. My husband was like this when we met. I think it's pretty normal (although not good) for men to be socialized to downplay their emotional needs, but my husband would downplay his needs for, like, food and medicine. He never said he was hungry, he would wait until I said I was hungry and then say "oh my god, me too."
One time he needed allergy medication because he'd been around a cat, he was obviously miserable, and I had to convince him that, yes, we would be stopping at the drug store on the way home, are you kidding me, you are not fine, shut up, your eyes are so swollen you can barely see.
My husband was one of those kids who was neglected in an affluent household. He always had clothes and food, but no one in his house ever had time for him. He has a hard time admitting he was mistreated because of this, but he's definitely got some psychological scars. His parents absolutely would have looked at his allergy-swollen face and told him to just deal with it, he's fine and anyway they're too busy to stop at store.
My partner grew up with a cold unloving mother and an abusive father who would beat him regularly. I've noticed a few things with him. He is very hard on himself and others- things need to be done perfectly and to a high standard every time or he becomes super anxious or pretty much has a breakdown.
When we first got together he would freak out at every minor argument or disagreement we had, as if it was going to escalate into something big or i would end up leaving him (he had abandonment issues) its taken him a few years to realize that normal people can argue, it doesn't always have to result in a big catastrophe/drama. He has always been highly independent and doesn't rely on or trust anyone else.
That's Not Normal
When you talk about something that's considered abuse and they say something to imply they didn't know it was a bad thing.
For example, I had a friend who thought locking kids in what was basically solitary confinement was a normal thing schools did. It is not.
I noticed this to my friends who grew up without having a father. They are usually immature and childlike and sometimes very sensitive.
Reddit user thann3 asked: 'What is the weirdest thing your partner did that turned you on?'
Part of the fun of dating and being in a relationship are the unexpected, impulsive moments.
What's funny is how these could be equally arousing moments, too, even if they're moments that we never expected to make us feel that way.
Redditor thann3 asked:
"What is the weirdest thing your partner did that turned you on?"
"When he backs into a parking spot, he puts his right hand on the back of my seat when he looks behind him."
"Hnnnngggggghhh. Gets me going and I don't know why."
"Every time someone mentions this, I am reminded of the time I did it and accidentally backhanded this girl in the face."
That Reading Voice
"In high school, this girl had a soothing voice. Every time she read out loud, I had goosebumps and she gave me butterflies."
"I can’t think of anything weird my husband did, but the first night of our honeymoon, we were talking about the wedding and our future, and I started crying because I was so happy (and told him that’s why I was crying)."
"He was smiling and gave me a kiss and then whispered, 'I don’t know why, but you crying just now turned me on.'"
"Lol (laughing out loud), it didn’t turn me on, but it did make me laugh, and I thought it was weird-cute."
"On the first date, he put my seatbelt on. It surprised me because I heard of men opening doors for their dates but not putting their seatbelt on. It just showed a very caring yet masculine side of him."
"The tension of knowing we wanted of each other but agreed to take it slow just made me go feral in my head."
"A year and a half later, he still does it to this day. He even gets 'mad' when I don't let him. I still blush when he does it, especially when other people are in the car with us."
"It wasn't my girlfriend, but over a Skype call maybe a decade ago when I was a teenager, I was on a call with a female friend I had the hots for."
"I casually mentioned that I had a thing for girls in glasses."
"She gasped, told me to wait there, and scurried downstairs. About 20 seconds later, she rushed back up, jumped onto her bed with her jaw resting on her fists, and low and behold, she was wearing glasses."
"We laughed, I didn't know what to say, but that was the cutest and sexiest way of letting me know she liked me."
"I know it sounds weird, but her breath is intoxicating. It’s naturally somewhat sweet, and of course, she thinks I’m crazy."
"Edit: We know it’s not diabetes, ketosis, or any other medical issue. We’ve been together for over 30 years and it’s just good chemistry."
That Deep Stare
"An ex-girlfriend of mine looked at me in a certain way every now and again that just did something to me, like a bit of a stare deep into my soul knowing she wants all of me. Every day I hope someone will recreate and enhance it."
The Perfect Sweater
"When she wears THAT sweater, I'm powerless."
"Can someone link a pic of this type of sweater? Asking for a friend."
The Sleeve Roll Trick
"My boyfriend rolled up his sleeves kind of slowly the other day, and I felt like I couldn’t hear anything for like a solid minute, lollllll (laughing out loud)."
The Corniest Jokes
"This man will make the corniest joke in the whole world, and then his whole face lights up as he giggles at it. Gets me every time."
The Perfect Wine Pour
"We had our honeymoon in Italy and he noticed the waitstaff poured wine really beautifully, so he replicated it. Now I have him pour all my drinks for me."
"For some reason, the way his wrist moves when he pours really gets me going."
Specific Arm Movements
"When he's working on something mechanical and he starts getting serious, he'll flip his cap backward. It's an absent-minded thing and F**K is it sexy. And when he's working overhead, the way his arms flex. Watching him lift things into our attic is an instant turn-on. It's f**king weird, but godD**N does it do it for me."
"Also when I wear something sexy or low cut and he's not expecting it, he'll stutter if he's mid-sentence. We'll be talking from another room for instance, and I'll toss on a revealing shirt and walk in there and he'll lose his train of thought. Or shake his head like he needs to clear it. Your man making you feel sexy is the ultimate sexy move."
Love Language: Physical Touch
"It's the gentle physical touch in public. That little 'Love you' touch as they scurry away to do a thing. Those random touches turn me on so quickly."
Totally Saved It
"He fixed the shower in my truly horrible, low-rent grad school apartment and changed the oil on my car. Not sure why, but that just did things to me."
"If you were to ask my husband, self-deprecating humor would probably be his answer."
"On our first date, he and I went to see this stage production of 'Jekyll and Hyde.' At the bar, they were selling these cute little shots of Bailey's/Kahlua, with each liquor on separate sides of the glass. Me, being incredibly graceful in all things always, completely dumped the Bailey's half onto my blouse."
"His eyes got all big, not sure how to react, and I just sighed, turned to him, and reintroduced myself like, 'Hi, I'm (my name). This kind of thing happens a lot.'"
"He busted up laughing, I ordered a scotch, and we've been together for the past 11 years."
"Exist. My girlfriend could literally just stand there and I could and would get a chill down my spine."
While we were expecting these responses to be, well, weird, most of these were actually pretty cute or heartwarming.
Sometimes when it comes to relationships and intimacy, something can feel weird simply because it's unexpected, but maybe the unexpected moments are among the best parts of the relationship!
Unlike introverts who tend to shy away from engaging in random discussions, those who are comfortable–or too comfortable–in their own skin love to get all chatty.
That doesn't mean they have anything significant to say.
"What’s the weirdest thing someone casually told you as if it were totally normal?"
People whom you don't know tend to overshare as these Redditors experienced.
A High Request
"A story from a friend - in Colorado, someone once asked, 'Could you watch my wolves, I can pay you in weed.'"
"There's a lot to unpack in that question!"
"You don't unpack wolves, you keep them together."
"Husband (30) and I were pushing our shopping cart out of the grocery store when a random man (who honestly looked like dumbledore) looked at my husband and said 'take my hat, you're gonna need it, you'll be bald very soon.' Obviously my husband didn't take it. It was super odd of him to say because my husband had a FULL head of hair."
"Three months later, my husband was diagnosed with a condition that made him lose all of his hair. Weird coincidence."
"A guy once told me how he loved the feeling of wearing casts, so he'd put casts on himself- for days or weeks on end. Even if it meant he couldn't drive and would be stuck at home the entire time. He'd use vacation time just to wear full leg & arm casts."
A homophobic guy I know: 'Being gay is a choice.'"
"I said something like - ok, choose to be gay for a day, an hour, a single minute if you can."
"Guy - That's easy, I'm attracted to men all the time, I just choose to only like girls because I'm not gay."
"Me - Ummm..."
"Once, an older woman came up to me on the street, took hold of my wrists and simply said 'they ripped out my afterbirth', and then carried on walking."
"It's strange to grab strangers. But one day in Walmart, my granny walked ahead of me, and reached to grab me to show me something, without looking and she was pulling on an old lady's arm obliviously, and the old lady's eyes were like O.O."
"My grandma didn't even apologize, she just let go and yelled at me to stay closer."
"I was getting my hair done this last weekend by my daughter at her cosmetology school. One of her fellow students was excited to meet me. She talked nonstop and eventually told me that she has hemorrhoids and that she has her husband push them back in. So much TMI from a stranger!"
You never know about the personal lives of people you see on a regular basis.
"I had a college professor on the first day of class say that she is obsessed with Q-tips and cleaning her ears and that her family has to limit her to 3 a day-"
Here's The Story...
"That they have 6 kids, all with different dads & each dad is in prison."
"I once had a coworker who had seven kids with five different women and he'd constantly complain about how most of his paycheck went to child support. You uh, dug your own grave, pal. I'm really not sympathetic to your plight."
It's the end of the world as we know it.
End Of Civilization
"I know a guy, we don't talk often but due to business we cross paths on occasion. More or less every time we talk he asks if I'm ready for the total societal collapse coming next week, or Tuesday, or at the end of the month.. and so on."
"I just tell him that it's not gonna happen; he usually then asks about my "crystal ball" so I remind him that I've been right every time."
"I went to a ComicCon type event in my city years ago(Walking Dead was a new show, first season for reference) and went to a panel about zombies. They talked about historical zombie lore, the first zombie movies, and the exciting first season of the new show Walking Dead, with some actors on the panel. When they opened it up to the audience for questions one of the first ones was, 'what kind of zombies do you predict we’ll have in a real zombie apocalypse? (Fast vs slow)'…panelists don’t really know how to answer, each gives their personal favorite or worst case scenario. Then we get to, 'What do you think the timeline is for the start of a coming zombie apocalypse?' Panelists are kind of like….? Talk about how things usually play out fiction."
“'No, but exactly WHEN do you think we’ll need to be fully prepared for zombies in real life?' Like, guys, these are actors and media studies academics, first of all they don’t have the level of belief you do and second, the people you should be asking about this stuff are probably biologists."
Whenever I feel threatened by a homeless person who is pressuring me to hand over them cash, I tell them, "I''m allergic to corn."
The random phrase throws them and in the brief moment they assess what they heard I'm afforded more time to distance myself from them.
It always works, especially when they realize I'm all kinds of crazy and not worth targeting.
Generally speaking, if we have a cough, headache, or runny nose, we assume it's nothing to worry about in the long run and don't bother seeing a doctor.
Most of the time, this proves to be the case, as our ailments and symptoms tend to go away after a few days.
Other times, however, what we thought was a minor illness ended up being more serious than we could have possibly imagined.
In some cases, had we gone to the doctor any later, we might not have lived to tell the tale.
Redditor mothermurder88 reached out to the Doctors of Reddit to hear shocking stories of minor illnesses that turned out to be far more serious, leading them to ask:
"Doctors of Reddit - what is your craziest story where a patient present with mild symptoms thinking it was nothing and it turned out to be a serious life or death situation?"
The Cause Of Severe Back Pain...
"My dad woke up with severe back pain one morning after not doing anything strenuous the weeks/days leading up to it."
"My mom flipped her sh*t and finally put her foot down that he had to go to the doctor after him putting off going to a doctor for years even for a routine check-up."
"That appointment showed a broken rib from a huge tumor on his spine, along with tumors around his buttocks/pelvis and upper back."
"Diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer."
"5 years and 100 treatments later he’s still kicking it."- vulpesvulpex
An Antacid Won't Cut It...
"Saw a patient with minor cardiovascular symptoms and a slight pain in his upper back."
"The senior debated back and forth whether it would make sense to run a CT to rule out anything more serious."
"She finally decided to do it and it turned out he had a massive aortic dissection and was basically wheeled right into the OR."- Beneficial-Bee7765
A Parent's Worst Nightmare
"6 weeks old."
"He was also 6 weeks premature."
"Only symptoms at the time of me bringing him to the ER was inconsolable crying and wouldn’t drink his breast milk."
"Was told by others that I was just being a paranoid first time mom…he probably has gas or was colic."
"My instincts just told me otherwise."
"Brought him to the ER."
"Triage asks me what my concerns are."
"I told them he won’t stop crying and I can get him to eat."
"A couple hours later my 6 week old baby coded blue and went into respiratory failure."
“'Code blue pediatrics' will forever be the most haunting thing I ever heard."
"Since he was so tiny they were having incredibly difficulty intubating him."
"Was being kept alive in between attempts with that bag thingy (unsure what it’s called) and compressions."
"His diagnosis was late on set group b strep, sepsis, and bacterial meningitis."
"Had I not brought him in when I did and waited, my son would not be alive today."
"So yea…listen to your instincts, you have them for a reason."- PokemomOnTheGo
Mints Won't Cut It...
"A man came to the hospital because his wife always complained about his bad breath."
"Long story short, I met him because they consulted my department when the tissue biopsy came back as esophageal cancer."- TeamMiserable
Never Underestimate The Importance Of A Check Up
"I'm a dentist."
"New pt came in with what he thought was a mild ache in his teeth."
"Thought it was a toothache."
"Hadn't seen a dentist in years."
"Took a radiograph and the jaw bone around the teeth looked strange."
"Had him see an oral surgeon that day."
"Turned out was a very aggressive metastatic bone cancer and died a few weeks later."- jakeology_101
A Second Opinion Never Hurts
"I’m a nurse, not a doctor, but we had a guy come in years ago asking for a medication to 'help him stop sweating'.”
"He said he had had a sore throat for about a week, went to a walk in clinic, was diagnosed with strep throat and put on antibiotics, but he was so sweaty and just wanted a break from it."
"He looked pale and was indeed sweaty, so we took him back and ran some blood tests."
"His white blood count was the highest I’ve ever seen and he was diagnosed with leukaemia."
"We sent him to another hospital for immediate treatment, but we were informed he died literally hours after arriving. Incredibly sad, I couldn’t believe it."- madicoolcat
"I am a nurse, so naturally my mother called me one day when she had strange symptoms."
""'Earlier today, I had this feeling like there was a squirrel running around in my belly'."
"I reassured her that it was probably gas."
"It happened again a few days later when she was in the car with me."
"Something made me take her right to the emergency room."
"The doctor evaluated her and basically accused her of making things up."
"I asked for a different doctor, because she is not a complainer or a drug seeker."
"Turns out it was a malignant brain tumor (glioblastoma) that was manifesting itself as abdominal seizures."
"They said she had 1-2 years to live."
"It is now 7 years since surgery, chemo, and radiation and she is still alive."- feistynurse50
Some Things Need To Be Seen
"Patient’s wife called."
"Patient had a temperature of 98.6."
"No other symptoms."
"I explained that was a normal temperature but the wife said 'that’s a fever for him'.”
"She said she felt like something was wrong, despite no other symptoms."
"I told her that I respect that and that if she feels something is wrong she should get him checked out in the ER."
"The ER doctor called four hours later and said they did all they could do for him but he died of sepsis."
"He appeared to be normal when he got there but rapidly declined."
"That gave me a new appreciation that we truly can’t evaluate someone thoroughly over a telephone."- DisastrousNet9121
The Cause is More Important Than The Symptom
"8 year old girl gets brought in complaining about back pain she'd had for 3 months, several different doctors had given her painkillers to no avail."
"After about 5 minutes I asked her if she had any problems going to the toilet, she says it's 'foamy' when she pees."
"She made a full recovery, and from what I know is in her 20s now, but to this day I hate how she'd been suffering for 3 months and no other doctor had bothered to even ask any more questions as to why an 8 year old girl was getting severe back pain."- PalpitationAdorable2
Never Fault A Doctor For Being Thorough
"Still in school and I was not present for this patient’s initial admission but rather her clinic follow up."
"However, patient was healthy 50-something year old who had an extended nosebleed after a long hike."
"It wouldn’t stop so they went to ER to get it cauterized/impacted (happens all the time)."
"Anyway, they did a CT scan as protocol and discovered she had a 20+ cm tumor on her uterus that was wrapping around her right kidney."
"She was immediately referred to a serious academic hospital and had a specialized oncology surgeon remove it."
"Amazingly, They got it completely removed without even having to damage the kidney."
"She had an amazing outcome and about a half a foot scar running around her abdomen from the surgery."
"I do not believe the CT scan was due to the nosebleed itself but rather I imagine as they looked further into her blood work and coagulation studies they found something that warranted further work up."- KocoaFlakes
Most of the time, a cold is just a cold, and an achy foot is just an achy foot.
Even so, should you have even the slightest bit of doubt, there is no shame in consulting your doctor about it.
As doing so may turn out to be a literally life-saving decision.
When it comes to romantic relationships, it's a lot harder to maintain a relationship than it is to start one. And unfortunately, it's all too easy to end that relationship.
A lot of things can end a relationship, and sometimes, it could be as simple as a single comment. Sometimes it's so hilariously stupid that you can't fathom being with the person any longer. Other times, the person says something so cruel that you know it's time to run. And sometimes, the comment isn't even necessarily bad -- just ill-timed.
Redditors know all about this and are ready to share.
It all started when Redditor AdditionalDentist100 asked:
"What's something you confessed to your partner that ended your relationship?"
"Not me, but someone I know was finally told that her husband was faking his English heritage, background/upbringing in England and fake accent. Dude kept it up for years, eventually admitted that it was all a lie and that he grew up on West Coast."
"I would think that was a lie but there are people who have faked being a 9/11 survivor. Apparently this type of stuff happens more frequently then I'd imagine."
Oh, The Humanity
"That I didn't rinse off the Mac and cheese noodles. This isn't even a joke it's a true story."
"They were done cooking and I didn't rinse them off. And yes this was a break up waiting to happen I guess lol."
"It says right on the box not to rinse them."
"The starch is good for the sauce. Dodged a bullet, I'd rather die alone than eat sh*tty mac & cheese."
The Past Is Not The Past
"Didn't happen to me, but a guy I knew married a girl I knew (both a bit older than me) and everything seemed great. However, they were at a party and someone mentioned that the guy used to smoke weed in high school (he admitted it, didn't think it was a big deal). She divorced him a month later, claiming that she couldn't forgive him for smoking weed. 😳"
"There had to be something else going on with her because this is so ridiculous. It's not even something he was currently doing."
"I didn’t want us to move in together with 6 other relatives."
Three Words, Eight Letters
"I believe it was "I love you.""
"How f**king dare you!"
"Oh yeah, I was out of line."
And She Communicated
"I wanted better communication sooo she broke up with me."
"Loud and clear."
"I said, while crying because he got angry with me at a restaurant, that “I am sometimes afraid to tell you how I feel because I’m afraid of how you’ll react.” And he said, “well, thats f**king pathetic.”"
"My partner had a habit of starting a convo by asking how I felt about something, then would criticize me for feeling what I felt. It always ended up being a debate about why I felt the way I did. It was never okay for me to feel sad, worried, scared, etc."
"Over time I started to feel anxious when he’d ask questions, and purposely responded vaguely, or just straight up said that I didn’t feel comfortable sharing (which would incite anger or more judgment)."
"Eventually my response became exactly that. A teary “I don’t know if I want to share because I’m worried about how you’ll react/respond” and his responses were along the lines of “that’s stupid” “you’re ridiculous” “don’t be an idiot” “seriously?”"
"I don’t know if it’s because I got so used to it, or from being distracted by all the other bigger things in the relationship…but for some reason I didn’t even notice that this was another bad thing until reading this comment. It was just…normal."
Looks Always Matter
"It’s not necessarily what I confessed, but I showed him my picture from 8th grade and he couldn’t handle that I used to look like I did in 8th grade."
"If I knew that I had to peak in middle school I would have at least plucked my eyebrows 🥴"
""Sorry babe, you just weren't hot as a middle schooler. Gotta end it here.""
"True story. I confessed that I wanted to do more for her. I thought I was neglecting her and working too much."
"That next week, she sat me down and told me that I was threatening her independence and that she needed a week to think about us. The week after that, she broke up with me."
"I later got the real reason from her former best friend. She never had a guy who wanted “all in” like I did and panicked."
"At the time I was destroyed. LOL I thought I was going to marry that woman. Turns out I was one woman off and my next relationship would turn into my current family. So all’s well that ends well."
Better This Way
"Broke down crying during a more realistic war movie. She told me to suck it up."
"After she confronted me for drinking too much I finally sought VA disability. Diagnosed with depression, PTSD, anxiety, among other things. Bills started pouring in and I told her we can’t afford certain luxury things because I was the sole breadwinner. I said I felt like I was drowning and my head is slowly slipping under the surface. She told me to “figure it out.”"
""So, I did. We divorced. And I’m much more happy and no longer on the train of “be a man and tighten your boot straps.” I got help and know that it’s okay to do so."
"So much easier to keep your head above water without the anchor around your neck."
The Cards Don't Lie
"That I didn’t believe in astrology and tarot cards. She then said her tarot cards told her to break up with me. Sure dodged a bullet there."
"The tarot cards were right! And still you don’t believe!"
Let's Hear It For The Boy
"I didn’t confess, I just went to a couple bars with her to dance. She left me because “YOU CAN’T DANCE!” Of all the things that she could’ve said that was the weirdest reason ever. Like, I had no response. I was 28. I’m happily married for 22 years now to someone who I constantly do bad dancing for because she thinks it’s hilarious. I mean, since I was told I can’t dance, I developed a habit of dancing badly when celebrating ANYTHING. It’s a real crowd pleaser. I am loved for my bad dancing now."
I can't dance either! But this is exactly why we all need to find someone who loves us for our quirks, not despite them.