Redditor Haunting-Golf9761 was hoping everyone would be willing to share some intimate life secrets, by asking:
"Gay people of Reddit, what was the moment it clicked 'Yeah I’m gay?'"
I knew after an intimate evening with a woman.
It all just... made sense.
HER
starbucks pretty girl GIFGiphy"Looked at a girl and thought 'If I was a guy, I'd date her,' and realized I didn't need to be a guy to date her. I was not brave enough to speak to that girl though."
PeachLeech
THE GRIP
"2018 summer olympics. Realized I had been watching men's water polo, alone, for eight hours."
FallenFae
"I don't know why but this made me laugh. I’d watch men’s Polo, Diving, and Swimming and get amped. But like, I’d also be drooling over abs and butts."
shark_food31
"Lmfao this absolutely tracks. I'm bi AF and was OBSESSED with couples skating because everybody was so God da**ed beautiful and the chemistry was off the chain 🤣. The Olympics had a chokehold GRIP on me as a teen."
Lucky_Ranger
I Get It Now
"I'm bi, but I realized I wasn't straight while watching the Lizzie McGuire Movie when I was like 8-9. I was in the backseat on a long car ride watching on my portable DVD player. There's a scene near the end where Lizzie is on stage singing and the camera shot is behind her. I remember pausing the movie and staring at her butt for a good while wondering why it made me feel a certain way. A few years later I found my uncle's playboy magazines and it suddenly all made sense."
lovexnxpeacexox
Happy Star Trek GIFGiphy"An episode of Star Trek the Next Generation where they showed Riker’s hairy chest. I learned not only that I was gay, but a lot about my specific type of gay."
Santos_L_Halper_II
Gays in space. We're everywhere.
Oh My
"I'm not gay but Bi with a heavy female lean. I always thought some guys were cute, heard of Grindr went on and hooked up with one I thought was cute."
Milestailsprowe
Thanks, He-Man...
"When I was really really young I used to have erotic dreams with guys (thanks, He-Man), but didn't think much about it. That's when the internal conflicts started."
"I knew I needed to be married to a woman and have family just like every man in my family did. I feared being singled out, because I lived in a retrograde place where honor killings were common. There were no homosexual s in my family, why me? By the age of 15, I had abandoned the idea of marrying a woman and keeping homosexual affairs as some people do and decided to be upfront with me parents."
"I told them I was gay, and they seemed to take somewhat well. Deep down, they did not."
"It took years for them to truly accept me, but I can say that I have a good life. Not the one that was envisioned for me all those years ago."
Hideyohubby
The Literature
"I was 8 when my brother (6 years older) was recording the last Nirvana concert and I said David Grohl was cute. I didn't really know what it meant to be attracted to someone, but I was drawn to him and the words just came out. My brother said 'That means you're GAY!!!!' which I didn't understand what gay was yet but his tone made me respond 'Nuh uh!!!'"
"Turns out he was right. When I was 13ish I found my brother's porn magazines and found myself uninterested in the ones that were just women. That's probably when it fully dawned on me. Still kept it to myself until I was in college and out of my small rural hometown."
Mathandyr
Back in the Day
"Looking back, I definitely had feelings for women just as much as I did men. I just either didn't realize or was in denial about it. I was 20 when a girl crush really hit me hard and I started to realize it but was still confused for some time. Finally around age 24 I came out to my brother as bi, and much to my relief he did as well!"
Ohhhhhhthehumanity
Breathless
Kate Winslet Yes GIF by EmmysGiphy"My senior year of high school, Titanic was re-released in 3D for the 100 year anniversary of the disaster. Being my favorite movie of all time, my dad took me to see it at the closest IMAX theater."
"I caught myself trying to control my breathing during the nude drawing scene so that my dad didn’t catch on to the fact that I was super into seeing Kate Winslet’s breasts in towering 3D."
wildflowerhonies
Who doesn't love Titanic.
We thank these brave souls for sharing their stories.
Do you have something similar to share? Let us know in the comments below.
In a recent interview with PublicSource, the child, who uses "she/her" pronouns and was identified simply as R for purposes of anonymity, doesn't beat around the bush at all.
"I'm not a girl, not a boy, I'm just me."
And although the interview presented a far more public version of R's assertion of who she is, she's known and shared her non-binary personhood already with others in her personal life.
R was on a school field trip to another town when she first identified this way.
Another kid came up to her on the playground and asked if she was a boy or a girl, to which R responded, "I'm non-binary."
R went on to tell PublicSource how liberating the moment felt.
"It felt like you were telling someone about a really cool comic that you like."
R then proceeded to giver her take on the dynamics of how gender works for her.
"I feel like...in the gender section of my heart, there is nothing."
But a child this empowered, and with this kind of nuanced grasp on gender norms, doesn't come from nowhere. R's mother, Kate has made a deliberate effort to establish an open dialogue around gender at home.
Nonetheless, Kate was still impressed with R's courage and ability.
"The fact that she even had the language to use, we were pretty proud of her."
"We need to have these conversations early and often."
Though Kate did share that the experience hasn't been all wine and roses.
As is still quite common with a large, traditional institution like R's school, there are some logistical moments that suggest intolerance.
R mentioned one school form that upset her. On the form, there were two boxes in the gender section: 1 Male, 1 Female.
"It made me feel angry that people don't include people who are both or neither."
R, with her apparently typical resolute approach to things, asked Kate to draw a third box, which says "Neither."
R's school has since updated that form and put out a statement maintaining a commitment to improvement in this area.
"It is our belief that every student and staff member has the right to feel comfortable in our schools, and we will continue to update and improve our policies and procedures."
Although the common first reaction to such a child is to be amazed by such composure at such a young age, kids are a whole lot smarter than we think. And that goes for understanding gender politics as well.
Take these other non-binary kids making a splash on the internet.
Just watched my 8 year old daughter properly explain the differences between binary and non-binary gender to a 60… https://t.co/XCNjXLbLRI— JEFF YUMA (@JEFF YUMA) 1562376622
8 year old, reading: “I feel like Ant and Bee don’t have a gender. I think they should be non-binary”.— Dr Emily Wilson (@Dr Emily Wilson) 1568678972
Y'all. I got OWNED by an 8-year-old today and it was awesome. Took my daughter and a friend to the movies. I sai… https://t.co/Cp0eo7AzBD— Emily Russo Murtagh (@Emily Russo Murtagh) 1540756824
Alas, with such understanding brewing and growing in the youngest generation alive, tolerance may be drawing nearer.
I Wanna Dance With Somebody!
GiphyI was at a music festival and one of my favorite artists came out and played a great set. It's absolutely packed and I'm dancing my booty off in a huge crowd of people having a great time. I guess the girl standing in front of me thought I was dancing up against her to try and make a move? She turns around and tells me she has a boyfriend - literally told her "that's great, I'm gay so that's not really any concern of mine, but I really dig your 80s top so you do you." cariboozer_
"you're actually gay?!"
I sat in the back corner of health class when I was a junior, though at my new school it was a freshman class. I immediately had 5 girls surround me, it was clear a couple of them had a crush. I moved a lot so it was normal for people not to know me and normal for me to keep to myself. Granted, I'm not a small guy but I was still nervous about being "out". One day they spent a good 20 minutes literally giving me a sales pitch on which one of them was hotter and wouldn't stop bugging me for an answer.
At some point one of the louder ones asked out of nowhere, "are you gay?". I said without even thinking, "yes, so stop asking!". She screamed , no joke, "you're actually gay?!" Loud enough for people in the hall to stop and look in. It was almost worse because now these five girls immediately clung onto their first "gay friend". Could've been worse, I had to fight at a couple past schools. Now though, I had a fairly impenetrable girl shield so nobody had a thing to say. First time I came out publicly too. thatguyinthejeans
girl please....
I had a group of girls on the train once chastise me for staring at their friend's butt. I told them I was gay and was only staring at her questionable fashion choices.
(She looked fine, but I was a little insulted and had to retaliate). llieno94
"cool, me too"
GiphyI went to a club and I was looking at this girl simply because I liked her outfit but she then noticed me staring. She looked me dead in the eye and said, "stop staring at me weirdo, I have a boyfriend." And without any hesitation I replied with, "cool, me too". lilpickle00
KFC Forever....
One time I was getting KFC with a friend and I think the girl at the counter must have misread my politeness. Once I'd gone to sit down with my friend she came past and was like "Here" and put a piece of paper on the table pretty abruptly before walking off. Basically it was a short message and her number.
I'm pretty obviously not straight in the way I present myself so this sort of thing doesn't normally happen to me and I wasn't sure what to do. In the end I spent like an hour trying to find out the best way to say "Hey you seem nice and good on you for being so ballsy but also I'm gay."
I also made the mistake of posting about it on Facebook because it was pretty funny, especially if you know me. But someone saw it who knew both of us and put two and two together. So basically I fucked up a bit there.
She was real nice about it all and she thought it was funny too so it was chill. I was very out of my depth though. Lloydshanks
noviO, NOT noviA.....
I'm a white guy who tends to get read as gay in white communities because I'm short, generally well-dressed, and have a higher pitched voice. I work with Latino communities a lot in my job, though, and for them, I often get read as masculine/straight because I have facial hair. Different cultural benchmarks I guess, no big deal imo.
One time, though, I had two women in the community open up that they got in a big fight over me. One was mad that the other was spending more time with me. I just sat there dumbstruck and scared about outing myself because I didn't want to stop working with them. I just had to casually mention my noviO, NOT noviA and they figured it out. I think they just felt silly. I still work with them, great ladies. One of them is going to cook me mole soon, I'm stoked. throw_away1232123221
back to me....
I was at a hotel. I walk into the elevator and a girl is standing there. To make the ride less awkward, I ask how her day is going. She immediately says "Back off! I have a boyfriend" I said "Yeah, so do I. Anyways, back to my question." PrettyBoy6167
Flipped...
I had a co-worker who would flirt with our male coworkers to get them to do her work. She tried the hair flip and eye bat with me one day, I just laughed and said sorry not interested in what you got. foolhardyass
Why not the Men?
GiphyAll the time, unfortunately. Well, actually, rarely do I even notice that a lady is flirting with me, it usually has to be pointed out to me after the fact. But dozens of times ladies have tried to flirt with me, and those times that I either do pick it up, or someone else points it out to me I have to gently let them know that my boat does not sail in that direction and I am not accepting ladies as passengers.
Then it makes me mad. I get ladies to flirt with me, but never the men :( I don't think that's fair. I could in theory get what I don't want, but I can't get what I do want. llcucf80
On the Video....
I was video calling my husband from my car in a parking lot outside the store, and there was a lady milling around who looked a bit dressed up but didn't seem to be wearing pants (or a skirt, or anything in that "equip slot"). I kept glancing over at her, trying to figure out why there's a pantsless lady wandering around. And then she started walking straight toward my car. Most people who've approached me in my parked car have been panhandlers, and I wasn't in the mood to get asked for money or really talk to strangers at all, so I drove away.
In retrospect, I'm pretty sure I almost was approached by a sex worker (who thought I was interested because I was looking at her) in the middle of a phone call with my husband. firstmatedavy
"Oh god no I'm gay"
GiphyOne time I told a girl that I liked her boots (in my defense they were awesome) but she and her boyfriend thought I said boobs. "Oh god no I'm gay" helped me a lot that day. adeiner
"so do I!"
I was in the elevator of a resort going to my room, as I just arrived in town and needed to get ready for a trade show. In comes 3 drunk chicks from the pool, one goes "I like men with beards" trying to flirt, when I replied "so do I!" She went from trying to boink to trying to be my fruit fly. Lvs2splooge4lulzzz
Sorry Boo...
I'm more on the skinny side of men and if you looked at me long enough you'd know damn well I'm gay. Apparently though it depends on where I am that people notice this fact. While at a bar with a couple of my friends (3 straight dudes and 1 bi guy) I was talking with a lot of the women that my straight friends were chatting with as well, just being friendly you know. One of them, really pretty lady, was talking to me and telling me that she liked my confidence in talking to women (which my confidence comes from wanting a conversation not a hookup) and gave me her number. Let me tell you my conversational confidence disappeared like that and I panicked and was like "oh my god I'm so sorry I'm gay I like men ahhaaha". Luckily she didn't seem to fazed by that and we ended up having a lovely conversation. Reddit
"Are you into guys?"
I was at a bar with my friends, standard. Rather tipsy girl comes over and starts trying to grind on me. It's inappropriate anyway, but I have to turn to her to push her away, because I was rather uncomfortable. She looks a little offended, so I ask her the classic "Are you into guys" she says yes and I say "me too."
Mistake, she immediately changes tack and starts with the gay best friend thing (rude) then proceeded to fall backwards over a barstool. I escaped and went back to talking about Formula 1 with my friends while she found a dude to make out with. Matduka
Like a Virgin....
GiphyHaven't had one. Usually ladies just ask me if I have a "girlfr..." pause as if coming to a realization and continue with "rrrsignificant other?" Just started a new job and that exact sequence of syllables has happened to me at least three times in as many days. Apparently I'm just obvious enough that you can tell, but not until you're mid-sentence. pots-and-pans-robot
Stay Sober...
I was getting drunk with my manager out in the parking lot after my last day of work. General I'm going to miss you, it's been fun, remember that time... kind of stuff. She confessed she had feelings for me but because of the company's strict rules on fraternization she kept it to herself. She then asked if I wanted to go back to her place. Now I never talked about my sexuality, I prefer to be single so people would probably assume from a distance and never be validated one way or the other.
I wouldn't lie if someone asked but I pass for straight so no one ever really did. I told her what the deal was, but surprisingly this didn't change her mind. She was not a person that was used to or would tolerate rejection. This made her a great GM but not very personable. In fact she kind of got offended and continued to come on to me regardless, right there in the front seat of her car. Again I told her it wasn't going to happen and I didn't feel comfortable with her advances. She then tried renegotiating, asking if she could just perform oral on me instead. SaltyPoseidon22
So, I rolled with it,.......
Back home in the US, I am coded gay, particularly my voice. However, where I live now, I am just seen as "The American."
I had a really nice woman strike up a conversation with me, I was really enjoying things until she touched my hand and laughed. I thought that was really weird because I typically don't like being touched, but when she laughed, I realized that she was flirting with me, not just having a conversation.
So, I rolled with it, and a couple of minutes later referred to my dogs and my husband.
The cold shoulder I got afterward made me wish I had kept my mouth shut... we were having a great conversation and she was lovely.
Conversely, I have often found that women will be a bit standoffish of me until I mention my husband, at which point the mood completely changes, and I see a much brighter, happier, and less reserved person. This is by far the most common thing that happens.
It makes me sad that both happens. anderlustcub
Hey Homo....
In the school hallway I was yelled at by some girl because they thought I was looking at her friends butt. I was literally wearing a pink shirt with rainbow stripes and an earring. It would literally take two seconds looking at me to know that I'm gay. I just laughed and said "nah, I'm homo." And walked away. gaychicagoan
TERRIBLE.
i was at work, at the movie theater, and i waited on this group of three girls, and the ones mother.
the girl who apparently was interested in me appeared to have some bad social anxiety as she was doing everything with her mother, as her mother kept reassuring her with everything that she was doing, and that everything was okay.
so i finish waiting on them, then go into the lobby to go clean up the counters, stock lids, etc. then when i'm walking back past them, the girls friends stop me, and say
"my friend thinks you're really cute, and we were wondering if she could have your number?"
and she was sitting there with her mother, looking like she was suuuper nervous, so this made me feel TERRIBLE.
so i had to reply back with
"oh i'm sorry, i'm actually kinda... gay. i feel so bad i'm sorry, i'm sure you'll find someone though, best of luck!"
then i walked away, continuously feeling bad for this girl because she took a chance and i ended up not even liking girls oof. kylecello
Bar Trap....
GiphyI was out at a bar catching up with my siblings and a few friends when one girl started hitting on me. My sister leaned over and said "you're barking up the wrong tree there, he likes dudes". Poor girl looked so embarrassed... She didn't end the night empty handed. My brother took her home instead 😂😂 tumekeLV
Reid Chandler recently shared screenshots of a series of texts he sent to his father after a particularly hurtful comment after the family's Thanksgiving celebration.
Reid came out to his family 8 years ago, but his brother came out to their parents over the holiday.
As he was driving the two of them to the airport after Thanksgiving, their father told the two brothers:
"Don't take this the wrong way, but it makes me and your mom feel like we've done something terribly wrong as parents."
After thinking about the comment for a week, Chandler decided that he couldn't let it stand and needed to respond.
He then decided to share screenshots of his response to Twitter, not expecting anywhere near as much attention as the post has received—his post currently has nearly 30,000 likes on Twitter, and 2,600 retweets.
Reid captioned his share of his response:
"I love my parents and I won't tolerate mean comments… but understand we are from a really southern, conservative background and me coming out was tough."
"My brother coming out last week was tougher. It took me that long to process but my dad needed to hear this."
What followed that caption was a chastisement, but it was also a plea for his father to do better.
@thereidfeed/Twitter
@thereidfeed/Twitter
@thereidfeed/Twitter
After seeing the amount of attention his post was getting, Reid considered deleting it, questioning why he chose to share it in the first place.
However, he chose to leave it up because of the "warm and moving" responses he was receiving.
Many people shared similar experiences, or expressed a desire to have had Chandler's words to go by when they came out.
@thereidfeed 24yrs ago I came out as a teen in conservative Texas unsure how family, friends, or peers would respon… https://t.co/lhKUscopun— Brian Normoyle (@Brian Normoyle) 1575634668
@thereidfeed I’m from a similar background. I’m really sorry this has been your experience. I know how this feels. I hope things get better.— Daniel Summers, MD (@Daniel Summers, MD) 1575629409
@thereidfeed Please leave them up! I've been struggling to find similar words to say to my father, who had once be… https://t.co/P9wetyauZg— @🇺🇦Tyger🇺🇦 🏳️🌈 (@@🇺🇦Tyger🇺🇦 🏳️🌈) 1575638598
Others told Reid they were proud of him for speaking up.
@thereidfeed I’m sorry you had to send that text, but I’m proud of you for saying it and speaking your truth— ghost boy (@ghost boy) 1575613570
@thereidfeed I don’t know you at all but those words resonate so much. Beyond proud of you for standing up for you… https://t.co/OdiAfHDl8c— clayney (@clayney) 1575636948
@thereidfeed It’s a necessary lesson (from POV) on tolerance vs complete acceptance. I appreciate the vulnerability… https://t.co/PuuwgwZGa8— theACLgay (@theACLgay) 1575638921
@thereidfeed What you said was spot on and I’m so glad to hear that your dad’s response was kind and loving. I wis… https://t.co/LkctdZjtBO— Mrs. B (@Mrs. B) 1575669922
Reid's words to his father resonated with a lot of people, both those who had a difficult time coming out to family and those who have supported others through that experience.
Sometimes it really is better to take time to process difficult emotions before responding, rather than having a heated conversation in the moment.
The book The Great Big Book of Families is available here.
"This fun and fascinating treasury features all kinds of families and their lives together."