Lucky People Share The Luckiest Thing That's Ever Happened In Their Lives[rebelmouse-image 18352318 is_animated_gif=
It's nearly March, but people are already preparing for the "Luck of the Irish" to bless them. Sometimes around St. Patrick's Day, "Luck of the Irish" translates to a dangerous amount of alcohol and poor life choices. Those, however, that find luck at their feet on a regular basis can usually attribute it to an open mind and a willingness to see opportunity when it's right in front of you. That's what Reddit user, r/mrmeeseeksb---h, hoped to discover more of when they asked:
What's the best luck you have ever had in your life?
Just The Right Angle[rebelmouse-image 18352320 is_animated_gif=
Got hit by a speeding car when crossing a road, cracked the windscreen, did a flip and landed on the pavement nearby. Paramedics were worried I'd broken my neck. Several hours and Xrays later I walked out with nothing but minor bruising on my back. Different angle and I could have easily died.
The Goodness Of Man[rebelmouse-image 18352321 is_animated_gif=
I was at a large outdoor concert and some dude walked up said, "no way it's you, man." He then hands me my driver's license that I didn't know I lost somehow.
Using It All Up In One Go[rebelmouse-image 18352322 is_animated_gif=
Not getting crushed or drowned in a farm accident.
I was 16 and working in the packing house on a blueberry farm. I went out to the fields with a guy to pick up the berries. The truck didn't have a cab just a windshield. I was sitting on a fuel tank where the passenger seat would normally be. There was a large ditch full of water on the right side of the road. The driver went off the road into the ditch. I went into the water and the truck rolled over and came down on top of me. Somehow, I wasn't pinned or crushed and was able to find my way out.
I used up a lifetimes worth of luck in that one incident.
One For Each Of You[rebelmouse-image 18352323 is_animated_gif=
Was in a horrible roll over accident with my family after graduating high school. We were in a suburban traveling on the freeway when someone fish tailed us and we spun into the median, and then started rolling. I somehow slid out of my seat belt and flew out the passenger window landing in front of the suburban. When it got to where I landed, it bounced over me, and then continued to roll. Eye witnesses say that is the only time the suburban ever left the ground.
In the aftermath, myself, my gf at the time, and my sister all needed to be intubated, as our ribs had punctured our lungs and we were drowning in our own blood. There happened to be 3 separate, unrelated EMTs behind us that all pulled over, had medical equipment in their vehicles, and intubated us until ambulances and star flight showed up.
Gotta Rely On That Family[rebelmouse-image 18352324 is_animated_gif=
My car broke down on a two lane highway in the middle of the Appalachians, 20 miles from the closest city and with no cell reception. The first vehicle around the bend was my grandfather who lived three hours away. He had randomly decided to go on a weekend trip to the mountains. From break down to being picked up was less than five minutes.
Just Look Down[rebelmouse-image 18352325 is_animated_gif=
Lost my college ID card. A replacement was $15 I had found out. I walked out to the rainy parking lot, determined to get through the rest of my college career without an ID card, when I saw a folded, soggy, green square on the ground. It was actually a folded 10 and 5 dollar bills, hey! 15 bucks!
Went directly to Chipotle
Tracking Down Your Phone[rebelmouse-image 18352326 is_animated_gif=
I lost my phone while we were laying pipe at work. Filled in the trench and then realized I had lost it somewhere in the 60ft of trench we dug. Left it there overnight seeing as it was already dark and I couldn't hear it when I called it. Returned the next day with listening equipment. Took an extremely lucky guess on where it was and located it within 30min. Dug 2 1/2ft down to find that the only damage was a small crack on my screen protector and a scuff on my Otter Box. Everyone including me had written it off as never to be recovered. 2hrs of my time when I figured it would take me a week to find it.
Meeting The Unknown Family[rebelmouse-image 18352327 is_animated_gif=
I was flying economy to London last summer, and I had the flight attendants tell me to head up to the front of the plane. Lo and behold, the pilot of my flight was my cousin who I hadn't seen, or spoken to in many years! He told me to grab my carry on, and that he would bump me up to first class for free. And holy shit was it fancy up there
Making It Home[rebelmouse-image 18352328 is_animated_gif=
I was once trying to get home from college and my car was on empty. I had one dollar left which wouldn't have even gotten me close to home. So being the smart person I am, I went into the gas station and bought a dollar scratch off lottery ticket. I wound up winning twenty dollars, filled up my car, and made it home.
Getting It Over With Quickly[rebelmouse-image 18352329 is_animated_gif=
Survived bacterial meningitis when I was 2, everyone who gets it usually has to have limbs removed. But I ended up being part of a new drug trial and it saved my life and the only thing I've lost to this day as a result of it is a little bit of hair at the back of my head. That drug never came into circulation after that so it was my only chance to get it and I did. I would consider that very lucky
Saved By The Shoe[rebelmouse-image 18352330 is_animated_gif=
My mother gave me a very nice necklace. One morning I went to scratch my neck and I didn't feel it. I guess I didn't put the latch on properly and it fell off, so I got super bummed out because it was really nice.
A few hours later I found it in my shoe. It fell down my shirt, down my pants (with a belt), and into my left shoe, which had been tightly laced.
Get That Gordita[rebelmouse-image 18352331 is_animated_gif=
1am, Taco Bell, ordered a dorito taco and a crunch wrap. Ate both but my body wanted more. I jokingly reached into the bag, telling my girlfriend there always a fry at the bottom, and there was a f---ing cheesy gordita crunch in the bag. Checked the receipt and was only charged for the 2 things. So awesome.
Always Remember, Katniss Is A Jerk[rebelmouse-image 18352332 is_animated_gif=
When I was 12 I was walking through the woods and got hit in the face with an arrow by someone who wasn't paying any attention to where he was firing. While this may not be lucky in its self, it hit the hinge of my jaw bone. Half an inch in any direction would've been much more fatal, an inch up would have gone into my brain, and an inch down my throat.
But, It's A Chanel[rebelmouse-image 18352334 is_animated_gif=
At a fancy charity ball, I bought 5 raffle tickets for $100. I put each ticket in a different bucket for different items.
I won the Chanel purse worth $1500.
Then, I also won the David Yurman diamond bracelet and ring worth $2000.
Professors Are Too Overworked[rebelmouse-image 18352335 is_animated_gif=
I once had C+ going into a final, got a C- on the final and somehow ended up with an A in the class. Didn't question anything lol
When Your PhD All Works Out[rebelmouse-image 18352336 is_animated_gif=
When I was in the second year of my (unfinanced) PhD, I met a brazilian girl who was in France for her PhD. We met in a bar, our PhDs had nothing to do with it.
We dated for two years before she had to go back to Brazil in order to finish her PhD. I was crushed. BOOM, my PhD adviser had just started an international project in...Brazil... in her region... she sent me there to work, all paid for by the project.
Now we have finished our PhDs, we're back in France, and she will be my wife in two months.
A Near 127-Hours[rebelmouse-image 18352337 is_animated_gif=
As a young, dumb teenager I was free soloing a small mountain without a safety harness. I was about twenty meters, (65ft), off the ground when I reached what I thought was the top. Turned out the top was still going upwards, and the surface was smooth as a baby's bottom, with nothing to grab on to. I tried to descend, but got myself stuck.
After a few minutes I couldn't hold on any longer, I lost my grip, and I fell. I dropped 5 meteres, (16 ft), and by chance two tiny trees, growing out from a crack in the mountain face, caught me. And they did so perfectly, one under my arm, and the other right under one of my knees. From there I found my way down again, safe and sound. If it hadn't been for those trees, I could have been seriously injured, or dead as the ground underneath was littered with pointy rocks. I didn't use my luck to win the lottery, but it saved me from a real bad situation.
Where's The True Luck?[rebelmouse-image 18352338 is_animated_gif=
Fell on ice. Traumatic brain injury. Died three times. They told my wife I wasn't going to make it. Coma for 3 days.
Still not dead.
Second best was when my wife agreed to marry me 30+ years ago.
Yeah, Okay...[rebelmouse-image 18352339 is_animated_gif=
I won a $20,000 car with a $10 raffle ticket.
"Might As Well Have Won The Lottery"[rebelmouse-image 18352340 is_animated_gif=
I got a holographic Charizard in the first pack of Pokémon cards I ever bought. To 11 year old me I might as well have won the lottery.
Running The Table High[rebelmouse-image 18352341 is_animated_gif=
About 15 years ago I had to go to Vegas for a work thing, I had no extra money so I really was not excited about going. Being broke in Vegas is no fun. I was there for 3 nights. First night I decided that I would play in a $50 poker tournament, it would fill up the evening and that way I wouldn't gamble anywhere else. Bam! Took first place for $1500. Being "responsible" I went and put $1,000 in my bank and kept $500 to play with. The next night, I go to a craps table with $200 and I go on for about a 45 min roll. This was at the Paris where they have the "firebet" which is a $10 bet that if you hit all 6 points its 1000-1. I hit that over the course of the 45 minutes, and, if you know anything about craps, it becomes exponential as you press your wins, so starting with a typical $10 pass line and $20 odds and like $12 on a 6 or 8--- by the time I finally 7'ed out I had $500 on each number and was hitting them over and over- Cashed out with $28,000. The final night, I did it again- just went on a 30 min run, hit another fire bet but since I was up so much I had started at a $25 min game, another $18,000. I basically parleyed $50 into $46,000 which was more than my annual pay at the time.
That will never happen again.
Let me be real for a second.
Every time I listen to Bjork's "Unravel," my heart breaks a bit.
Have you ever listened to it?
It's on Homogenic, her third studio album, and it's incredible, passionate, smartly produced and a great showcase for her stupendous voice.
That song? An emotional rollercoaster, for sure.
There's tons of great music out there, though, and even more sad and gorgeous songs to discover.
People shared their thoughts after Redditor humanbear07 asked the online community:
"What song genuinely breaks your heart everytime you hear it?"
"Ann Wilson has such an amazing voice..."
"There's a few, but the isolated vocal track for Heart's 'Alone' is especially heartbreaking to me. Ann Wilson has such an amazing voice and her emotion really made that band."
Doesn't grow old.
There have been quite a few excellent covers of this one over the years, too.
"The first words give me chills..."
"Most songs by the late Jeff Buckley are sad on their own, and even more devastating in context. But the one that hits me the hardest is his cover of 'I Know It's Over' by the Smiths."
"The subject of the song is up for interpretation no matter what, but Jeff Buckley's premature death adds an element to it that seems to be about his life, whether he planned to or not."
"The first words give me chills the most— they happen after the classic reverby Jeff Buckley intro, the kind Hallelujah fans will be familiar with. He takes his time with this one, like he does with that."
No love for "Lilac Wine"?
It's clearly the best track.
"Ever since my husband..."
"'Merry Christmas, Darling' by the Carpenters. Ever since my husband Tom died in 2012, my heart breaks every Christmas since. We loved Christmas."
Karen Carpenter's voice hits differently when you realize how tortured her life was.
Gone too young.
"My Dad told me..."
"In My Life by The Beatles. My Dad told me when I was a teenager that he wanted it played at his funeral. I still can't listen, and when that day comes and I HAVE TO listen to it to honor his wish, I'm going to be a blubbering mess."
Sounds like you have an excellent relationship with your dad.
"My grandmother died..."
"He Stopped Loving Her Today, by George Jones. My grandmother died almost 20 years before my grandfather, and we played it at his funeral. Just typing this chokes me up a bit."
Songs have even more meaning (sometimes painfully so) when linked to specific moments in our lives, particularly the moments when we've lost people we care about.
"I'm not a Christian..."
"'Bridge Over Troubled Water' by Simon & Garfunkel. Not a Christian, but when I hear it, I understand why people believe."
A beautiful song, and timeless, too.
"My sister's husband..."
"Always on my Mind by Willie Nelson. My sisters husband chose to have it played at her funeral. And yes he was a crappy husband and she died young in a car accident."
Sounds like art imitating life, no?
"He's an amazing songwriter..."
"Jason Isbell has so many it's honestly hard to choose one. Speed Trap Town, Decoration Day, Cover Me Up. He's an amazing songwriter."
I don't know him–it's time to look him up and see how I feel.
"I can already feel tears..."
"One More Light by Linkin Park. I can already feel tears coming to my eyes just by typing this."
Chester Bennington's death was such a shock.
His music lives on.
"My brothers passed away..."
"Simple Man - Lynyrd Skynyrd."
"My brothers passed away in a car accident shortly after coming home from Afghanistan. Reminds me of them every time I hear it."
Sorry for your loss.
Hopefully hearing the song brings you peace.
Hearing a beautiful song can be an immensely moving experience.
And hearing a sad song can, for many people, help them cope with the pain of heartbreak better than they would have otherwise.
Have some suggestions of your own? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
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Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again.
Unfortunately, a friendship could really end at any point in life.
Friends grow apart, but also, sometimes, it's just necessary to say goodbye to your relationship with a friend.
Maybe they aren't the right type of friend for you anymore, or maybe something has happened in their lives to make them self-destructive and toxic.
The reasons are many, and they are all sad.
Redditor monarchmondays asked:
"People who have unfriended their childhood friend/best friend, what happened?"
Here were some of those answers.
Bad Looking Out
"I was more-so the one who was unfriended. Was going to be the best man in his wedding. Saw his fiance out with another dude. Like on this dude."
"Told him, he told me I was wrong, Yada Yada. Things got heated. I told him I couldn't be his best man. Some years down the road, he caught her cheating."
"Called me up, asked if I wanted to grab a beer. I went. He apologized. I accepted, but we're still not friends."-TheMotorcycleMan
Friends Don't Control Friends
"He was a pathological liar, manipulative and told all of my most trusted secrets to everyone because he wanted to feel powerful and like he controlled me."
"Haven't spoken a word in 5 years and I have never looked back."-TheDandy9
Sometimes Life Is The Only Thing In The Way
"As soon as I left my hometown and my best friend growing up stayed, we both changed in opposite directions. He assimilated to the local lifestyle, quickly became friends with people he never got along with in school."
"I left, made new friends, found new things I liked. He started a family, I started a career."
"The final straw though was he RSVP'd to our wedding and then just didn't show. No text, no call, no anything. I think he was pissed that I didn't make him my best man after I was his best man, even though it was exactly because he wasn't reliable and made everything about himself that I couldn't do it."
"He caused sh*t at other people's weddings and I just didn't want to deal with what I knew would be inevitable. It did highlight though that growing up I was his best friend as a matter of convenience where I genuinely liked hanging out with him."-porscheblack
It's never fun or happy to lose a friend, but sometimes it's necessary for your healing process.
We've Reached The Point Of No Return
"I haven't unfriended her YET but I'm basically at the point where I'm sick of her drama, pettiness and 'main character syndrome.'"
"Anything that doesn't go her way is taken personally and if you disagree with her (or even have a preference that differs from hers) she will berate you into submission and 'agreement.'"
"And heaven forbid you have a life that doesn't consider her wants and desires. We're both 30, almost 31. I'm too old for that sh*t."-Deezus1229
When The Punches Come, I Go
"I met my ex-best mate in school, he had a little narcissistic personality, but I understood that and ignored his faults."
"In late Teens, we started drinking and partying as most do; this is when it became apparent that he had alcohol problems, forever being violent looking for fights, killing my good vibes, and getting me pulled into unwanted situations where I saved him or stopped him from beating on someone for no good reason."
"Throughout our life, he never attempted to fight me. He remained a pretty good friend to me until our first trip overseas to Asia; during our trip, he tried to coward punch me in the back of the head because I asked him to put out his cigarette that he had just lit."
"I asked him because we were seated in a restaurant surrounded by families, for some reason that angered him, I got up to leave and luckily heard him coming and avoided his punch, but he then tried to attack me further, which ended with us both on the ground and me on top of him while he shouted and went crazy."
"Eventually, police arrived and pointed a gun at both of us; luckily, they didn't shoot. Having foreign police aiming at me because my friend wouldn't calm down was one of the most scary moments in my life and that's saying something because I don't come from a easy upbringing."
"He was drunk, of course, and claims he doesn't remember, but there's no excuse to try and coward punch anyone, especially your best mate."
"I packed my bags that night and left our joint holiday plans in the dirt, traveling solo and having a blast. When I got back from my trip, I quit drinking myself and have remained sober for the last five years."
"Throughout that five years, I've had brief encounters with him, but our friendship was never the same. Unfortunately, my old friend never changed as he aged; he eventually went to jail."
"I work in hospitals and have seen him show up to the emergency triage, bashed with broken bones, and just a few months ago, he randomly knocked at my door where my wife answered, he was covered in blood."
"My wife went and woke me up; he had a stab wound and refused to go to the hospital; I drove him home and haven't seen or spoken to him since.. His brother updated me and said he was fine, whatever that means."-King-Callous
When He's A Predator
"I, a 5th grader at the time, knew this chick who was in the 7th grade dating a junior in hs. The dude thought she was 16 because she was lying about her age."
"They had been f**king and sexting and all that jazz...he didn't know she was a minor. I went and told him, and they broke up, and he was pissed... yada, yada yada..."
"They became friends again after a few years. When I was in the 8th grade, she called just so he could flirt with me 🤮. I was 13 then, and he was probably around 20. I blocked her real quick."-Cancerous0713
The End Of An Era
"Inseparable all through jr and HS. We graduated in 85 so no social media but I still feel ghosted. He stopped returning my calls, I always had to initiate and when we did get together he wasn't that interested."
"I gave it a few tries but I got the message and just stopped contacting him and he never reach out to me after that. I never new why and it took almost 10 years for me to get over it and stop thinking about it every day."
"I kind of wish he would have just told me he doesn't like me anymore. I have a current best friend I met in college and we've been friends for 30+ years so it's all good."-DreamArcher
There is never a right time to say goodbye to someone you once considered a trusted friend.
"My best friends young son was killed in a four wheeler accident. I was the first responding paramedic. I had to take him from my friends arms to work on him. Knowing he was dead the all along."
"We flex the child on Lifeflight then I drove my best friend and his wife to the hospital. I knew all along he was dead but they didn't. It wasn't his fault or mine that he died in any way but I could never look my best friend in the eye again."
"All I could see was his pain. So we drifted apart. I finally got to tell him and his wife before my friend died with heart trouble."-hotandhornyinbama
Secret Mental Health Leeches
"She started being nasty to my husband when we got engaged. It was so gross. She was snarky and rude to him every time he spoke and made him feel unwelcome in our own home."
"I kind of fell out of friend love with her after watching her behave like that. My mom thinks it was jealousy or something, idk. My husband is the most fun and caring person I've ever known, I expected her to be happy for me."
"In retrospect, I realized there were a lot of other red flag issues I had been ignorant of. It's been 3 years now and I am so much mentally healthier without the drama she was churning up."-ThunderHeavyRains
When Mom Damaged Her
"Had a friend I met pre-kindergarten but had a falling out in middle school. Families knew each other and we were like sisters. But sadly, her mom was a true definition of a Tiger mom. Her mom always pushed my friend to be in all of these extracurricular activities, music lessons, tutoring, etc. Her mom was always dissatisfied; nothing was good enough."
"She wasn't the most nurturing parent. But my parents were the opposite. Especially my mom, she just wanted me to be a good person and do my best. But naturally I was a very good student."
"So my friend's mom would always compare my friend to me saying I was better than her because I was naturally gifted and didn't NEED all of that help. My friend began to resent me."
"Throughout puberty, she would call me a slut because I was physically developing, tried to imply I was ugly just to see my reaction, threatened to punch me, things I understood where they were coming from but did not think were justified as I had not done anything directly to her."
"Final straw was when she posted on Facebook that she thought I was ugly so I just cut her off completely. I pitied her for her family life but her bitterness toward me was wrong. Because through my eyes, she was my best friend and all she wanted to do was hurt me. Don't regret cutting it off"-dookieconductor
The sad truth is that people are not always meant to be close, and that some people are too mentally unhealthy to have any kind of closeness in their lives.
Until they grow up, there is not much we can do but sadly step aside and take care of ourselves.
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Certain personalities show up at almost every party like clockwork.
There's always that person who get's too drunk, someone awkwardly standing in the corner nursing a drink, the person who's not having a good time no matter what and the person babysitting the crowd they came with.
When there's alcohol—or any other substances—and the pressure of a social situation, all sorts of quirks will come out. We wanted to know what people thought their country would act like if they were a person attending a party.
Redditor amotyvukufyd asked:
"All the countries of the world are at a party. What is your country doing?"
Here are some of the best and most hilarious answers.
The United Kingdom is just leaving.
"Not before slapping the knees and saying 'right.'"
"Northern Ireland looks nervously at her sister before putting her sunglasses on and following."
"As an American from the Midwest, we do a 'welp' knee slap. Then sit/stand for another 25 minutes before leaving."
"Then talk in the porch. Then talk in the doorway. Then talk in the driveway. Then talk out the car window."
"'Yuh, I guess.'"
"'See you around, I suppose.'"
"'Yuh you bet.'"
"Buzz of the window rolling up."
Argentina is in the backyard.
"Argentina is either playing football in the backyard with Brazil or aggressively telling whoever's at the grill how to cook a steak."
"Don't forget, they're also drinking fernet and coke, or even cheap wine and juice, out of a cut off bottle even though there were enough glasses for everyone."
"While listening to El Potro Rodrigo."
"For sure we're arguing with Texans over asado."
"Texas would also totally be there despite not being a country itself."
"Texas showing up to a party where only entire nations are invited is such a Texas thing to do."
Greece is making questionable choices.
"I'm Greek so I guess a lot of sex, wine and questionable financial decisions that will ruin us the morning after."
"At least you have your club of friends who will drive you home when you pass out. My country, Argentina, will spend the night borrowing money. When they finally kick him out, he'll have to walk home, broke and alone. And it will start to rain."
Poland fighting with Russia, Belarus, and Ukraine.
"Poland. In the corner with Russia, Belarus and Ukraine, drinking vodka and fighting each other. Poland fighting Belarus and Ukraine fighting Russia."
"With some EU guys walking by with fancy drinks, dropping some concerns."
"And then Russia says 'Oh, you want some too?' And the EU guys turn and walk away."
"Then hours later writes a strongly worded comment to Russia's Facebook page. After spending 8 hours arguing over the exact wording."
Germany brings the beer.
"I'm German and I'd say Germany would complain about the taste of the beer."
"Germany should be bringing the beer. Please don't leave it to America who will bring some watery Coors Light!"
"Wouldn't they discuss politics too?"
"We so would! I was thinking about what we would do what wasn't absolutely cliché (like bringing the beer). I feel we would not only discuss politics but also rant about it. And other stuff. I feel ranting is really something we like to do. But also Germany would be drinking way too much and be completely fine the next morning..."
India is awkwardly dancing.
"India/that uncle dancing inappropriately in the middle of the dance floor."
"Not gonna lie, they got da best moves though."
"I was gonna say India would be that aunty gossiping about and judging others' outfits/looks, but this one is better."
The USA is just destroying things for fun.
"USA. Chugging beers and trying to smash a foldable table by jumping on it."
"I think the US would be like a really obnoxious frat dude that's also kinda fun. Like waaaay over the top bragging... but also did bring the weed. Then word gets around that he has a gun on him and it makes everyone uncomfortable, but he says it's just cause Russia and China are packing too."
"I figure we'd also be the one who obnoxiously insists on 'defending' every girl in the party- whether the girl wants it or not. Lots of 'do you wanna go?' energy, then trying to clean up any mess we make but just doing the absolute worst job of it while staying way, waaay too long after the party is over."
"We'd also get mad at China for stealing our famous brownie recipe even though we asked them to make it for us."
We aren't sure we want to be invited to that party.
Sounds like there's gonna be a lot of drama.
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Irrespective of men's sexual identity or preference, there are men who hate sports, and there are men who love musical theater. Do participating in either activity make men straight or gay?
"Straight men of Reddit, what is the strangest thing you have been told not to do because 'that's gay?'"
The following behavior just screams, "gay," fellas. Watch out.
"Sing a Lily Allen song during karaoke."
"Advice I received in high school from other students:" "Don't cross your legs with one knee over the other. Put one ankle over the other knee." "When carrying books, palm them and carry them at your side. Don't rest one edge of the books near your waist." "Never button the top button of your shirt."
Look, But Don't Look
"This one time, at summer camp, this guy who'd just been swimming in the lake told me you could tell how cold the water was by how hard his nipples were. 'But don't stare too long,' he said, 'because that's gay.'"
"You were the one who told me to look in the first place!"
Sandwich For Sissies
"When I was a kid, my dad called me a sissy because I cut a sandwich diagonally."
"I played the clarinet. I got called Faginet a lot."
"But that's one women do," one might argue.
"Changing my daughter's diaper. Mentioned it in the office one day. Called gay."
A Lighter Shade
"Buying a white IPhone."
"Added my husband (then boyfriend) to my phone plan. Went to the store on my own to upgrade both our phones. We both just wanted the next gen Samsung. It was only available in purplish-pink in store."
"I shrugged and said it didn't matter, he's putting a case on it anyways. Guys working at the store kept trying to talk me out of it, actively pushing me to go to another store, making them lose commission, just so my partner wouldn't have a feminine phone. He used his pink phone for 3 years."
"I've been criticized for knowing how to sew and cook. Those are essential life skills!"
"My father was a Marine drill instructor in the 50's. Guess who did all the sewing in my house growing up?"
"Yeah, no one dared to call him gay for it."
Here are examples of guidelines for being a manly man, according to manly men.
"Not a straight man but... back in my bartending days I asked a man if he wanted to see a dessert menu. He said 'if I wanted dessert I'd order wings like a real man.'"
"Weird flex but okay."
When I'm In The Mood, I Masticate
"When I'm feeling extra manly, I just take a bite out of a cow and then chew on some raw wheat."
"Like a man."
No Appointments Necessary For Straight Men
"I left a pick-up basketball game because I had an appointment to get a haircut. Evidently, the only straight way to get a haircut is as a walk in."
Abiding By The Law Is So Gay
"Using turn signals. And not as some sort of euphemism, but literally using them while driving to turn or change lanes."
In grade school, some fellow classmates asked me to check for gum on my shoe because they saw me step in some.
When I lifted my leg to take a gander, the boys were howling hysterically as if my actions confirmed something.
Well, it sure did. Apparently, if I l looked at the bottom of my shoe from in front of me, I was "normal," but since I bent my leg back and looked at the bottom of my shoe from behind, that made me "so gay."
Although, I didn't come out 'til years later, maybe those goons were onto something. Thanks for the heads up, guys.
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