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People Who Work In Remote Locations Share The Creepiest Things They've Witnessed

I've always enjoyed jobs sans creepy side effects.

Work can be hard enough.

Besides, I've waited too many tables to deal with anymore drama.

Isolated jobs are always spotlighted on true crime shows.

Give me some light and an annoying group of tourists.

Or shall we say... witnesses.


Redditor shafaatkhan007 wanted to hear about all the scary moments that have occurred:

So they asked:

"Redditors who work at remote places like forest officers, oil rig workers, etc, what creepy things have you noticed while at work?"

I don't even camp. No forest for me.

WARNING... Some of this thread is not for the faint of heart.

Big Cypress

gaboon viper earth GIF Giphy

"I used to work out in the woods in Florida a lot. Creepiest thing would be this day we were working near Big Cypress, tromping thru the brush all day."

"At the end of the day my coworker and I do a quick drive thru of some of the property and realize the place was absolutely infested with water moccasins. We had been unknowingly essentially walking around a giant water moccasin pit all day. That one kinda f**ked me up."

A_sweet_boy

Liver maybe?

"I worked at a public forest. One day we had someone report a dead animal on the side of one of our trails. A few of us from the front desk hiked out to see what it was. It looked like a giant peice of... liver maybe? Just a pile of smooth red meat...no blood around. And it was wrapped up in a t shirt, with some coins scattered around it."

"We called our rangers to go check it out, and one of them was pretty sure it was a placenta. The weird part is, you have to check in thru a front desk. So someone either snuck a placenta/liver in or gave live birth/removed an organ on our trails. We never got an answer on what the pile of meat was, how it got there, or why."

WhiteOwlz

We felt pretty dumb...

"I do a lot of stream work so I spend time out in pretty rural areas walking streams and rivers. Once my coworker and I were working in a more urban environment and came across what we initially thought was a body - which of course triggered 'Oh sh*t!!' from us - but it ended up being a firefighter's dummy that had fallen down a hill. We felt pretty dumb."

"Other notable things include a small grave in the middle of nowhere for someone's dog (pretty sad), and a stuffed rabbit with shotgun shells placed where its eyes should be, a mannequin very purposely placed in a chair in the middle of the woods, and lots of little random alters."

"I also did work in Myrtle Beach (what a hell hole) and accidentally walked into an inhabited homeless camp. I was peering into a stormwater grate when I looked up and saw a homeless person standing in his shelter staring at us and saying nothing. I felt like I was trespassing so we quietly left."

RegularTeacher2

Built in China...

"On our drill ship that was built in China, we noticed on the drawings there was a room. We went to look at it and couldn't find an entrance but the spacing was obvious there was an extra room. It might not sound so creepy unless you've been in these shipyards where two things are known to happen: stowaways, although I doubt it in this case, but also hundreds of workers at any given time following orders blindly."

"So we confirmed that the room had all six sides, yet not a single weld on the outside. There is only one way this could've happened and I'm sure you're starting to get it now. They must have welded from the inside for this room and then realized they had no way out upon completion if the gasses didn't kill them first."

"Its' extremely heavy around that room. People say they hear things. I have definitely. This isn't some old ship either. I rode this ship from China to Amsterdam after completion and then the maiden voyage to America. I guess it happens quick."

JohnMayerCd

Scream

Scream GIF by Originals Giphy

"I've been fishing out in the gulf of Mexico where they have some oil rigs. This rig wasn't being used (from what we knew) so we would get pretty close to it to fish for red snapper."

"While we were out there, we could have sworn we heard screams of a woman over and over. It was some crap but the explanation was the wind making the noises as it blew through the rig. Well, that's what we were told but it totally creeped us the f**k out."

REDDIT

Those oil rigs are dangerous. I couldn't handle that.

The Escort

polar bear penguin GIF Giphy

"I work as a polar bear guard. As in, I escort people across tundra and mountains and protect them from polar bears. I once saw a snowman totem with reindeer antlers coming out of his head. It was deformed, full of bullet holes and rather creepy."

Jalsavrah

Cascades

"My mom used to live in a small town in the cascade mountains and worked as a forest ranger. The creepiest thing that happened was when the oldest male ranger kept hitting on her and trying to get her to come home with him, not very out of the ordinary, but many years later after she’d left the town she found out he had been convicted of manslaughter and had killed a young female ranger right before she got hired. She would have probably been his next target."

Keira-k-is-gay

Catfish

"Some friends and I were fishing a small pond just after dark for catfish. We started to hear sounds coming off the water like someone throwing softball sized rocks, but they were coming from all over the pond. We thought someone was messing with us and we called out a few times for them to stop, but we eventually got freaked out and left."

"Cut to a few years later, I’m fishing a different pond and hear the same sound. Turns out it was a beaver slapping it’s tail on the water to drive me from it’s territory. When beavers become problems in rivers, they relocate them to ponds in town."

solidgoldberg

When in the Gulf

"I used to work in the Gulf of Mexico on oil rigs for years, and it may not exactly be creepy, but I found it really unsettling. In deep, open water, the water itself is really clear, so everyone can plainly see all the tuna and barracudas hanging around the rig waiting for the onboard cook to throw off whatever food waste he needs to. Every once in a while a huge great white shark would swim up from underneath and snatch a tuna and it really took like less than a second. They're really scary."

DONOTENGAGEWITHME

Being Watched

Wait Goodbye GIF by Silicon Valley Giphy

"I work off a secluded/Wooded area here in Texas."

"Every now and again when I finish with a job site, I’ll pop into the head office. It’s the creepiest feeling at night, mostly no light and I’ve seen a bobcat a couple of times. The kicker is... the walls are all glass, so when I have the light on inside... I know I’m being watched by someone or something."

Am_I_Outside

Still Shook

"I work for a power company restoring power after a storm. Was working when a lady came up complaining that her power went out. We explained to her thats why we were there and she should have power back soon. She said, 'oh good, my son went down in the basement and now I can't find him.' I went with her with a flashlight down the road to a run down house that was partially caved in. She walked inside and I went to follow."

"As soon as I walked into the door she disappeared from my sight and I called for her multiple times. No one responded so I ran back to our work truck to call for help. A man that was living on her street called to me asking whats wrong and I told him the situation. He looked at me with a cold stare and said a mom and her son died in that house 4 years ago. I'm still shook to this day."

YouFulfillMyMemes

ZAMBONI

"Used to be a supervisor for a janitorial company and a couple times a week I had to go to a middle school and clean their hallway floors and gymnasium with a zamboni type vehicle that mopped and scrubbed the floor. When I was there I had the whole school to myself. Used to get finished quickly and go to the library and read while eating my dinner."

"Well, one morning after being there, I get a call from school security and they want me to come in. When I get there I see a police car too. Uh oh, I think. They ask me a few questions like 'did you notice anything out of the ordinary or strange while you were here last night?' No, I hadn’t (usually have headphones in)."

"Security then shows me camera footage of someone breaking into one of the classrooms WHILE I WAS RIDING THE ZAMBONI not far away. I was there for another two hours. Nothing was stolen. But the worst part was they didn’t have footage of the person leaving, they didn’t go out the way they came in, and police had to sweep the entire school. Never did find out what happened with that one."

TheDaveHimself

uphill on a fairway...

"My oldest brother used to work the overnight sprinklers on a golf course. He took me out one time just for fun and as we were driving uphill on a fairway, a figure of a lady appeared in the headlights at the top of the hill. My brother steered a little to the left of her and kept driving right on by. I stared right into her eyes as we drove by and she stared back. Her eyes glowed like a cat in the night."

"As soon as we were out of voice range I asked my brother 'What the hell was that?!' He calmly responded, 'Yea, she lives on the golf course and likes to terrorize the workers from time to time. I usually see her out here once a week.'"

"Alright. Cool. Coolcoolcool."

ArtshowSkittles

Passages

Surprised Night Time GIF Giphy

"I work on large ships. If you get a clear view of a hall or passage that runs the whole length, you can actually see the whole ship warp and twist with the sea. If the passage isn’t very well lit it can look like a scene from a horror movie."

DannyR2078

ALICE

"I’m not sure this counts but I’m a teacher at an urban public school and was at work late grading and getting ready for the next day. Time had kind of flown by and before I knew it, it was 7pm. I start packing up to leave in a building that is, in theory, locked and empty besides me, when our ALICE alarm goes off, indicating an armed intruder in the building. I am 1. Alone 2. Young 3. Freaked AF because I am absolutely not ready to fight a gunman over my lesson plans."

"I book it out of the school and dive into my car, hearing the alarm blaring the entire time. I peel out the parking lot, and can see in my rear view the alarm lights still flashing and debate never going back, cause f**k that lmao. Turns out they were doing 'routine maintenance' and didn’t send out an email to the teachers."

msdoublenegative

The Head

"My parents live pretty far back in the country and have 1 neighboring house."

"The neighbors would let their Basset Hound outside for about 10 minutes to use the bathroom every morning."

"One morning they let him out, and he didn’t come back inside."

"After a couple minutes they walked out to his favorite bathroom spot, and found... his head."

"Judging from the tracks, a mountain lion had ambushed him and apparently torn his head off before carrying the body away."

"What I thought was the creepiest part was that the family hadn’t heard a sound."

schoonerw

The Rollout

Horror Reaction GIF by SpongeBob SquarePants Giphy

"I worked at a state park for a few years, one day a coworker was doing trail maintenance and a human skull rolled out of the woods onto the trail in front of him. Turns out it was a man who had been on the run from the police and was living in our woods. Evidently it was a good hiding place because they hadn’t found him until then."

ylilk

20 Years Ago...

"We have a PTO pump spot that comes out of a canal for our rice fields. When I was like 12 years old my uncle found two bodies dumped in the little sump area where our pump sat. Both of the ladies that were dumped there had the same tattoos so they think it was gang related but it was 45 minutes away from where that 'gang' operated. I still look in the hole every time I go by there and that was 20 years ago."

TxJoker88

Rituals

"In my brief stint as a rural health nurse, I was quite unnerved by how many of the families I worked with still practiced ritual animal sacrifice, even though on paper they identify as Catholic."

Lorac1134

Don't work in the quiet places.

Or at least be near cell reception.

If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/

People Who Wouldn't Quit Their Job If They Won The Lottery Explain What They Do

Reddit user BITE_AU_CHOCOLAT asked: 'People who wouldn't quit their job even if you won the lottery, what's your job?'

lottery tickets
Erik Mclean on Unsplash

A lot of workers daydream about some day winning the lottery and being able to say goodbye to their job.

Far too many workers are unhappy with their job duties, workplace dynamics or company culture.

But with a taste for luxuries like housing and food, they keep plugging away, year after year.

However not everyone feels that way about their job.

So what are these compelling careers?

Keep reading... Show less
Therapist talking during session
Photo by Mark Williams on Unsplash

Some people stand firmly stand behind their beliefs that everyone would benefit from therapy and that therapy is life-changing.

It's because of the totally life-changing truth bombs their therapist had dropped during their sessions.

Curious, Redditor anonymiss0018 asked:

"What is a little bombshell your therapist dropped in one of your sessions that completely changed your outlook?"

Communication Issues

"'If you don’t have these problems with any other person in your life, why do you think you’re the problematic person in this one?'"

- maggiebear

"I love this. I have a 'friend' who I always seem to run into misunderstandings with. Every time we had a conversation, it somehow turned into a debate even if it was me talking about my day. The conversations were never easy."

"I always evaluate myself first and take into consideration his critiques. He was very good at convincing me that I was contradicting myself or wasn't good at communicating my thoughts."

"I NEVER had this issue with ANYONE else in my life. I kept trying to figure out where the miscommunication was coming from. In the end, I just minimized contact and now I don't run into this issue."

- chobani_yo

"I read this quote somewhere once (and probably have it a bit wrong): 'It's a waste of time arguing with someone who is determined to misunderstand you.'"

- Reddit

Emotional Regulation

"'You can’t control your emotions, but you can control what you do with them.'"

"At the time, I was a young adult who had learned zero healthy emotional regulation skills (only suppression and shaming) growing up, so this blew my mind."

- lil_mermaid

Tough Relationships

"'It sounds to me like you are trying to convince yourself to stay with your girlfriend. I'm not so sure it should be so difficult.'"

"At the time he said this, I remember it was like he said, 'The earth is flat.' I thought he was crazy when he suggested relationships don't need to be difficult. But eventually, I started to realize I was trying to change myself to stay with this person rather than just being who I am."

"It took me three more months to finally break up with her but from that day on, I vowed to never again abandon myself just to be with someone I had convinced myself was better than me."

- metric88

High-Stress Situation

"I was at a high-stress time, and I asked her how people live like this."

"She replied, 'Oftentimes they have cardiac events.' She said it as an urging to care for myself as much as possible."

- KittenGr8r

The End of Alcohol

"I was struggling with my alcoholism, and we were discussing how I had been cutting back."

"She asked what I would consider success, with regard to my drinking."

"I said I wanted to get to a point where it wasn't interfering with my daily life. I wanted to just be able to have a glass of wine at holiday dinners or family gatherings."

"She simply asked me why. Why was it important for me to drink at those times?"

"It was as if she'd turned on a light. Alcohol had always been a key ingredient in every family function, for my entire life. When I smell bourbon, I think of my uncle. When I smell vermouth, I think of my dad. Alcohol ran through almost every happy childhood memory."

"But, even more than that, I was very afraid of the explanation I'd have to give when family and friends asked why I wasn't having a drink. I had tried to quit before but failed. What if I admitted my problem, only to fall off the wagon?"

"When she asked why I didn't want to completely quit, it was the first time I saw that last part of the big picture. I'd be willing to drink myself to death in order to avoid being scrutinized, or judged for possible future failures."

"That was the day I quit. I've been sober since May 6th, 2017. 2,407 days."

- sophies_wish

Acceptance vs. Enjoyment

"'Accepting something doesn’t mean you have to like it.'"

"That took away a lot of my inner conflicts about situations because I could accept a situation without expending energy internally fighting against the injustice of it."

- alibelloc

Emotionally Immature Parents

"You are not responsible for your parents' emotional wellbeing. They are independent adults who have been on this earth for many more years than you."

- SmokedPears

Not So Lazy

"'Why do you think you're lazy?' Then she listed off all the things she knows I'm doing for my family, my job, and my life."

"It kind of blew my mind when I struggled to come up with an example."

"She also described family dysfunction as water. Some families are messed up in a way that everyone can see the huge waves across the surface. Others are better at hiding it, but there's still a riptide that you can't see unless you're also in the water."

"It made me realize that trying to keep the surface from ever rippling doesn't erase what is happening underneath."

- flybyknight665

The Harm in People-Pleasing

"'Why do you make people more comfortable when you are uncomfortable?' when talking about people pleasing and fawning."

- ERsandwich

Agree to Disagree

"'Stop trying to get everyone to agree. When you need everyone to agree, the least agreeable person has all the power.'"

This really changed my outlook on planning family events."

- freef

Grieve and Start Anew

"For context, I had a major TBI (traumatic brain injury), seizures, strokes, and all around not a fun brain time when I was 28."

"They said, 'You have to grieve the loss of yourself.'"

"Most people wanted me to go back to how I was. The f**ked up truth is that part of my brain is dead. The person everyone (including myself) knew died. I needed to grieve the loss of myself."

- squeaktoy_la

Multifaceted Identity

"They told me that my job and career is just a way to make money; it's not my life or identity. That took a lot of pressure off me."

- unfairpegasus

Breaking the Cycle

"They validated me."

"'You always talk about not wanting to do to your daughters what your mom did to you. You worry about it so much in every interaction you have ever had with them."

"But your children are 19 and 21 now. They are happy and healthy and they trust you because you’ve never abused them in any way. So I just want to validate for you that you really have broken that cycle of violence."

"You did that. And you should be proud of it. I’m proud of you for it.'"

- puppsmcgee74

The Grieving Process

"I was constantly bringing up how I felt like a completely different person after my mom died... like there was a marked difference between before and after her death."

"But once, she was asking about my hobbies, I got really into describing all the things I loved to do or at least used to do before I got into a deep depression."

"She was like, 'Wow, you seem very passionate.'"

"And I just sat there like, 'Well, I mean, I can't change what I like to do, they're still fun to do.'"

"And it's like she knew when to take a step back, because it was like, wow, I may be super depressed about my mom passing, but I'm still me. I'm still my passions and those don't go away."

"I don't know, maybe it only makes sense to be, but it really started getting me back on track."

- Hannibal680

Sharing the Load

"I've never really had friends. I've had colleagues and classmates and housemates and people who have hung out with me, but I never really felt close to any of them."

"And I did that thing you see on here sometimes; I stopped reaching out to see if I would be reached out to, and I wasn't, which I took as confirmation that they didn't really want me around, or at the very least, that they wouldn't mind my absence."

"I was talking to my therapist about people I'd been close to in college, and she told me to pick one and talk about him. So I did. After I shared some basic stuff like his name and his major etc., and a couple of anecdotes, she asked me what else I knew about him."

"And I couldn't answer. It wasn't really a broadly applicable bombshell, but she said, 'What else?' and I started crying because I realized that for as simple as the question was, my inability to answer spoke volumes."

"I've never had good friends because I've never been a good friend. I'm withdrawn and reserved and I always made others do the work to drag me out, without ever extending my own friendship in a meaningful way in return. If I wanted to have meaningful relationships with other people, I would have to build them."

"I'm still working on this, but I'm trying to make more offers and extend more friendliness to others in my daily life."

- Backupusername

The discoveries in this thread were incredibly touching and profound; it's no wonder these were lasting concepts for these Redditors.

It's important to keep ourselves open to inspiration and insights from others, as we have no idea how their experiences could help us, or how we could help them.

Aerial view of a church in a small town
Sander Weeteling/Unsplash

There's something comforting about living in a small town.

It's characterized by close communities where neighbors know each other by name and there is an abundance of kindness extended to others.

Gift-giving is a commonality, as is the sharing of recipes, and people going out of their way to help each other in a time of need.

The pace of living in small towns is also a striking contradiction to city life, where crowds of people go about their busy lives without much interaction.

Curious to hear more examples of what small town living is like, Redditor official_biz asked:

"What's the most 'small town' thing you've witnessed?"

These are positive examples of a tight-knit community.

Live Updates

"We have a village Facebook page. Every time the ice cream man drives into the village, the entire page goes ballistic. People send live updates of where the van is and which direction he's heading. The ice cream man has started accepting DMs so he knows which streets to go down."

– PyrrhuraMolinae

Brush With The Law

"I’m from a town of less than 2,000 people. When I worked at the grocery store there people would often drop off stuff for my family members because they didn’t want to drive all the way down to our house. I no longer live there but recently got a call from my daughter. She had been stopped for speeding and handed over her license and insurance which happens to be in my mother’s name. The officer goes 'Hey, you’re Donnie’s granddaughter! I ain’t gonna write you a ticket but I’m telling Donnie when I see him tomorrow cause we’re going fishing.' She replied 'I think I’d rather have the ticket.'”

- Reddit

Roadside Catchup

"The traffic on the 'main street' of my town is so sparse, two drivers going opposite directions can stop and talk to each other for a few minutes without causing any problem."

– anon

When things go wrong, people take notice without incident.

Bank Robbery

"A guy robbed a bank and everyone knew immediately who he was and the teller got mad at him."

– AlexRyang

"A local bank was robbed and one of the tellers told the police to bring her a yearbook from about ten years earlier and she would be able to point the robber out. He had been in the grade before hers in school."

– Strict_Condition_632

Wise Woman

"When I worked at the bank in town there was an older lady that had worked there through 5 mergers."

"She knew everyone, there was a young guy yelling at me one day. She walked out of the back and he immediately quieted. She went off about telling his grandmother that he was treating young women like sh*t. She also said that if he didn’t straighten up not one girl in town would ever marry him she would make sure of it."

– ilurvekittens

Intoxicated Local

"Town drunk was paralyzed and used a motorized wheelchair to get around. I was driving home one Saturday night and said town drunk was passed out in his wheelchair doing circles almost directly in the town square. Had to call his brother who came and picked him up on a rollback truck. Strapped him down and drove off into the cold dark night."

– DoodooExplosion

Grazing Over To The Bar

"In my former small town, there was an older guy who'd lost his license after getting a few DUIs. Every day, he would ride his John Deere lawnmower to the corner bar around 3PM and sit around watching TV and sipping his beer well into the night. Then he'd head the couple miles back home on his mower. He even had a little canvass shell he put on when it rained or got too cold."

– brown_pleated_slacks

It's not surprising how small town people behave differently than those who are from metropolitan areas.

Welcoming Committee

"I lived in a small town. When I moved there, people would ask, 'Whose house did you buy?'"

–MoonieNine

"Move to a small town. 30 years later, you are still the new guy."

– impiousdrifter

"I lived in a small town for most of my childhood but I wasn't "from there" because my grandparents weren't from there."

– raisinghellwithtrees

"Worked with an older guy, relative of the owner of the business, he was 73. I asked him if he was a local, he said 'no his parents moved here when he was two.'"

– realneil

A Busy Day

"Lived in a town of about 5,000: A woman walked into the DMV on a Friday, saw that there were 3 people ahead of her and left to come back another time when they weren't so busy."

– KenmoreToast

Who Let The Dogs Out?

"My dogs got out while i was working. the police called my niece's elementary school (she was a 5th grader) to get her to round them up and take them back home."

– mediocrelpn

"There was a small kennel behind the police station for runaways. They called us saying they had our dog, and moments later our dog showed up home. He broke out of jail."

– Worried_Place_917

While life in a small town sounds appealing, I don't know if I can ever live in one.

I'm so used to life in big cities, I think it would be quite unnerving to adjust in a neighborhood where everyone literally knows your business.

I would be paranoid.

And I'm sure the same could be said of life in the big city.

Would you consider making the switch to life in a different setting?

Two women laughing
Photo by Dave George on Unsplash

Every now and then, a friend of ours might say something, or we might overhear a complete stranger say something that makes us stop in our tracks.

More often than not, what we can't believe we just heard is something so ridiculous, we can't help but put the person who said it in their place.

Other times, however, what we just heard might have stunned us silent because of how shockingly clever it was.

Resulting in our not wanting to scold or yell at someone, but rather give them a handshake.

Redditor SubmergingOriginal was curious to hear the sharpest and wittiest things they've ever heard, from friends and strangers alike, leading them to ask:

"Enough with the dumbest; what is the wittiest thing you've ever heard someone say?"

Don't Give Me So Much Credit...

'I was on a team at work that was on a project working insane overtime."

"One night after an 80-90 hour week, we were all sitting around the table trying to finish up so we could go home."

"Around 11, my buddy's wife called, dubious about the hours he'd been keeping."

"We heard her through the line - 'are you cheating on me?'"

"Exasperated, he looked at our boss, then replied 'honey, if I was cheating on you, I would have been home by now'."- lionbatcher

Eternal Optimism...

"Asked a blind guy if he'd been blind his whole life."

"He said 'Not yet'."- Feeling_Mode_6465

Free time Isn't The Only Thing He Has On His Hands...

"My brother got a vasectomy and when the doctor was releasing him and giving him instructions (with the nurse listening in), one of the orders was to 'come back and have a follow-up appointment after you’ve ejaculated 30 times'.”

"Without missing a beat my brother asked 'what time do you open tomorrow?'”

"The nurse couldn’t keep it together after hearing that."- UtahUtopia

Awkward Season 8 GIF by The Office Giphy

Double Whammy!

"My pal uses the phrase 'he doesn’t look strong enough to carry information' and it cracks me up every time."

"Calling someone stupid and weak in one fell swoop."- JennyW93

Can't Hide Your DNA...

'Whenever I jokingly insult my mum, she says 'that must be where you get it from'."

"She cracked the code."

"I can never offend her without offending myself."- JennyW93

Self-Sufficient!

"My brother was a line cook at a New Orleans restaurant."

"My mom was in town, staying at a fancy hotel, and he stopped by after work, still wearing his kitchen whites."

"He was reading a newspaper in the lobby waiting for her to come down when the shocked lobby manager sputtered at him, 'MAY I HELP YOU!?!?'

"He answered, 'thanks, but I know how to read',” and went back to his paper."- jobrody

Morph Current Affairs GIF by Aardman Animations Giphy

A Miracle!

"My brother-in-law’s comment."

"The entire family went out for my mother’s 80th birthday and after the meal we all went to a local park, largely occupied by the elderly, to rest."

"My mother needed crutches at this point, and they were resting against her bench."

"My 10-year-old niece, who looked like every starving waif image from Dickens, grabbed the crutches and started hobbling round the park."

"All the OAPs were following her progress with looks of pity until my brother ran up behind her, and kicked away the crutches."

"There was an audible gasp from round the park and then my niece picked the crutches back up and started chasing my brother, clearly intending to hit him."

"In the confused silence my brother-in-law’s voice rang out 'Praise be! She can walk again!'"

"We still think this was the highlight of the birthday celebrations."- DdraigGwyn

Still Legal, Whichever Way You Cut It...

"I picked up my pleasantly tipsy boyfriend from a nightclub."

"We were stopped by the Police for a random breath test."

"They asked me my age, and I said, 33."

"My bf blurted out '33? You told me you were 22'."

"Police just laughed and let me go."- Aggravating-Corgi379

Music Video Police GIF by Andrew W. K. Giphy

A Bit Too On The Nose?

"Business law class in college years ago, talking about the issues that black Americans had before the Civil Rights."

"Amendment, trying to travel through the south with the discrimination so rampant, trying to find restaurants to serve them and decent lodgings."

"My instructor was posing a hypothetical: 'So you pull up out front of this place, you're exhausted from driving for hours, and you see the sign out front says 'Ku Klux Klan Motel'."

"'What would you expect to find there?'"

"Without missing a beat, from the back of the room came this gem: "'Extra sheets in every room?'"- NedsAtomicDB

Not Yet, Anyway...

"I was working with my friend and his dad."

"My friend (26) heard an ice cream truck near where we were working."

"He asked his dad if he could have a couple dollars."

"His dad asked, 'what for?'"

"My friend told his dad that there was an ice cream truck in the neighborhood, and that they were playing music."

"My friends dad told him "'They don't charge anything to listen to the music'."- tatersalad1234567890

Words Escape You In The Literal "Heat" Of The Moment...

"A friend of mine is a teacher and her husband is known for his wit."

"She told this story to him:"

"One day at school a kid took the hall pass and returned reeking like smoke."

"She asked the kid if he’d been smoking and he denied it over and over."

"She was about to send him to the office when she noticed smoke coming from somewhere."

"She told the kid and he realized that he didn’t put his cig out completely and it was burning in his pants pocket."

"The kid noticed and frantically tried to put it out and someone finally poured water on it."

"Her husband sat listening to this with a weird look on his face."

"She asked him what was wrong."

“'What’s wrong???'"

"'This was probably the only chance you’ll have in your life to say literally, ‘liar,liar, pants on fire’ and you missed your chance'."- Luder714

On Fire No GIF by PEEKASSO Giphy

Amazing What You Might Say A Few Drinks In...

"When I went to a renaissance faire once, I went to a beer tent and ordered a Newcastle Brown Ale (seemed the most fitting for the surroundings)."

"The beer wench, without skipping a beat, said, 'Everyone wants a Newcastle - no one wants to remodel!'"- jayhof52

Read The Room People!

"My dad wiped out when skiing down a mountain and lost a ski."

"After a few minutes of hunting for it, he gives up, slings the one remaining ski over a shoulder and starts walking down the mountain in his ski boots."

"About half-way down, another skier stops and goes 'Gee! Did you lose a ski?'"

"My dad instantly replied 'No, I was out for a walk and found one!'"- PeterJoAl

There's a reason your mother always told you to "use your words".

As clever remarks can have a much more lasting effect on people than a push or shove.