I'm going to say something sad but true. Love is not destined for everybody. Read that back a few times. Take a deep breath and embrace it. There are other things in life besides falling in love and staying in love forever.
For starters, acknowledge other kinds of love in family, friends, or self. There isn't one definitive answer that puts you in the single category.
We have to stop seeing being single as a death sentence or a punishment. A lot of people embrace the freedom and solitude. We should be seeking advice from them more often.
Let's talk about the current state of being single in this dysfunctional world of relationships.
Redditor u/One_Sherbert_2797 wanted to hear from the lovelorn and relationship searching, or happily alone, by asking:
Why are you single?
I am single. I am out of shape, so I'm uncomfortable and I trust no one in this Covid world. There are other reasons but those are the big two.
I'm Lost
Yeah I Guess Season 2 GIF by ScreamQueens
Giphy
"Because I'm clueless when it comes to dating or even asking someone out."
I just can't...
"Inertia."
"Yeah, I like the idea of being in a relationship, but the thought of how much effort and potential pain I'd have to go through to find someone and maintain a relationship just makes me not want to even try. I don't want to be alone forever but being alone is so much safer and easier, you know?"
Misunderstandings...
"I don't understand people very well so I don't try to find anyone. It often feels like everyone else had a few extra days in school to learn a new language and I just missed it all. I'm not sure if one day I'll figure it out but at this point it doesn't seem likely I'll spontaneously develop and understanding of human emotion and communication."
It's Over
"Because I am totally in love with someone who will probably never feel the same way about me. I have actually told him already and he says he has feelings for me too, but he is not ready for a relationship and I don't think he ever will be. We have a history even though we were never together and I just think that we would have ended up together by now if it was in the cards."
"Damn same. Moving on is a pain. If you've already told them and gotten rejected, then I wish you the best with the process. If you've not, take the leap friend. If you don't it'll be a constant what-if for you for as long as you know them."
- arc_alt
The Zone
Lonely Lamorne Morris GIF by New Girl
Giphy
"I'm in the zone where the women I'm attracted to aren't attracted to me and I'm not attracted to the women who are attracted to me. T'is a painful existence."
Get in a different zone. That is lesson one. Try it all from a different angle, it'll bring a fresh perspective.
Just Cuz
Season 5 Happy Dance GIF by Friends
Giphy
"Because why not. Person reading this, why do we place a lot more value on romantic relationships than with platonic friendships?"
The Bonds that Break
"Just never happened tbh. (24, never have had a girlfriend) I don't have problems forming a connection and a bond with women, but I do think I may spend too much time just enjoying the feeling of a genuine friendship that I kinda forget to make a move and they end up either finding someone else or assuming I'm not interested. That and everyone just wants to blast through everything so quickly nowadays, like at times it feels like if you aren't DTF or have made a proper "move" by the end of the week then it's over, even when you have just met the person. It's obnoxious."
Stay Sober
"I was intoxicated by love, chose the wrong person, ignored the warning signs and checked all the relationship boxes - marriage, child, house. Unfortunately, marriage didn't mean as much to the person I chose as it does to me. A family was all I ever wanted. My only goal, man."
- THC-Lab
we all do this...
"I'm scared."
"...you can't swing the sword without letting your shield down. When you make to grab your chance you always open yourself up to failure. It's okay. everyone gets rejected... and in the end no one cares... we all do this... ask her out or the regret will kill you. Do it enough times and you got a gf."
- peet-suh
I need a Map
"I have no idea how dating works."
- Auto66
"I believe there's different ways of going about it. One is the slow way which is start off purely as friends and see if something more develops. The other is to directly ask the person out. In both cases the goal is to talk and do meaningful things together."
"Go to dinner, hang out and watch a movie, play sports or video games together. The goal is to find common ground or areas of interest and see if being together is better than not being together. Get to know the other person and along the way get to know yourself."
"If you like what you see, keep doing things together. My wife would try new things with me or for me and that is one of the things I love about her; I dated a girl before her that wouldn't and I chose to end that relationship in large part because of that. Even if you don't want to pursue the person romantically, hopefully you've ended up with a good friend."
Saturday Night Live Nbc GIF by HULU
Why is it all so complicated? Or do we just make it that way? Maybe cheers to being single.
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Rom-coms like to frame it as one person being madly in love and the other just not realizing they're in love yet. It's determination, it's devotion, it's "true love" and so romantic!
Nah, it's totally disregarding your boundaries and your autonomy and collectively can we just ... ya know ... NOT?
Hanging around waiting for someone to be emotionally compromised so you can swoop in and "save the day" with your love is predatory.
"Wearing them down" until they say yes to a date is predatory.
Sabotaging their friendships and other relationships in the hopes that they'll "fall back" to you is predatory.
Not romance. Raptors. Now cut it out!
Reddit user MysteryScallop asked:
"What do people need to stop romanticizing?"
And hey, would you look at the very first response, it's our good friend Rom-coms!
But they're not alone here. This list is full of messiness, take a look.
Rom-Coms Need To Be Stopped
Bbc Starz GIF by Dublin MurdersGiphy"People dropping all their own goals and interests for someone else. Yes, the plot of standard rom-com."
- Mattie725
"Which brings us to stalking. Also romanticised in rom-coms."
- CozyCauldron
"This!"
"It's scary how people in these threads I see are sometimes just like 'no this is so romantic' and 'oh look at their relationship progressing' while I'm like 'no wtf?! this is the behavior of a crazy person that I wouldn't want anything to do with in real life ever!' "
"Doesn't just go for stalking, goes for a lot of things really. Rom-coms/dramas etc are good at romanticizing these really weird and super unhealthy things."
- thanhpi
"Do you know the series 'You' on Netflix?"
"The protagonist believes he is the hero of a romance. Just watch the trailer, I love it. It's relevant."
- koi88
Manic Pixie Superpowers?
Sarcastic Rose Byrne GIF by Apple TVGiphy"Mental illness is a serious condition. Having one does not make you cool, unique, or insightful. It's a disaster."
- Pretend_Drink5816
"The people who call ADHD a 'superpower' are just flat out wrong. ADHD is super debilitating overall."
"While there are some things we can do 'better' than people who are neurotypical, overall ADHD is extremely hard to manage and often can destroy a person's home life, school and/or career."
"Things aren't structured for us. At all. It's really hard to function."
- deja_geek
"Some individuals go as far as fetishsizing people with mental illness and its disgusting. That Manic Pixie Dream Girl is suffering."
- [Reddit]
"Some people called my autism a 'superpower' because smart or rich people also have autism and are really successful (Elon musk, Bill gates etc).but their superpower isn't autism, it's being a rich white guy."
"People don't seem to realize what Savant Syndrome is or what privilege is and just believe everyone with a mental illness or disability is some secret untapped genius, which is not the case."
"I don't have a 'superpower' and am not incredibly smart, what is different is my breakdowns which aren't fun believe it or not."
- Yuri-Bad
Followers
Social Media Reaction GIF by TravisGiphy"Having Followers."
- gor8884
"I had an acquaintance tell me that he really liked this guy he had gone on a few dates with, but the the guy had less than 1000 Instagram followers, and he saw that as a red flag."
"We were probably 19/20 at the time, in college. This guy was obsessed with social media appearances. He would only post photos of himself with people who he deemed attractive enough."
"Once my roommate, her other friend, him & I all went out. He knew my roommates friend on the same level as me, just acquaintances. No real connection."
"The friend is super pretty; she looks similar to Shay Mitchell."
"He asked to take a photo with her so he could post it on Instagram and didn’t even ask my roommate who he is ACTUALLY friends with or I to get in it LOL."
"HE was definitely the red flag in that relationship."
- rahws
"Real" Fathers
darth vader father GIF by Star WarsGiphy"My wife's ex-husband has documented schizophrenia, bi-polar and is a drug addict with a severe alcohol problem. He's also assaulted multiple people and posted pictures/bragged about nearly beating an old man to death at a gas station because he 'talked to his woman.' "
"People liked to romanticize him as just 'protective father.' "
"We lived in absolute fear anytime he got to see the kids. Would they come back with bruises, night-terrors, talking about strange people and places?"
"Or the week-long headaches with their clothes smelling of marijuana and having strange stains on them. What would go wrong this time? Or...would we even see them again?"
"Would he fly off the handle this time and beat or abandon them? Would he do what he's threatened and leave the state?"
"It's absolutely terrifying. The late night/early morning messages that didn't make sense, had him half-naked outside doing God only knows. The video chats of him being drunk or high."
"It took years to get him cut off completely, all due to the f*cking lie that 'children need their "REAL" father.'
F*ck. That. Shit. Sideways."
"No, they don't. Especially not if he's a dangerous maniac and they have a Father (ME) and only wants to love and protect them."
"He wasn't 'protective, he was violent. It cost nearly $10k and took ~5 years but he's finally been cut off."
"It only happened when he tried to break in, armed with a gun, drunk at 3am. He was caught a block away waiting for us to come out."
"Why? To be a real father and 'check on his children... with a loaded gun. The letter he wrote that they confiscated off of him that night really told what he wanted to do."
"We've since moved, and it's taken over a year of no contact for us to finally not be looking over our shoulder every second. Mental illness is awful and the man truly needs to be locked up, away from the general population with long-term care."
- importvita
Caught Up In The Game
ice cube film GIFGiphy"The 'gangsta' lifestyle and all that it entails."
"I grew up in Oakland and have witnessed far too many of the people I grew with get caught up in the game. Roughly half of the guys from my former neighborhood are either serving life sentences or were killed."
"I grew up in the 80s, but it's even worse now."
- frog_without_a_cause
"We've been glorifying lawless rebels who make their fortune through strength, cunning, and weapons since the start of time."
"Gangsters are just the modern version of outlaws, bandits, pirates, treasure hunters, and explorers. They answer to no one, they don't take any crap, you don't want to cross them, and the ones we idolize (whether real or fiction) are the ones that do that and succeed."
"We overlook the many, many examples of it being awful and focus on the few that show it being way better than our sh*tty boring, repetitive lives where we lack so much freedom."
- BillyPotion
Seriously Serial
This Is Weird GIF by Catfish MTVGiphy"Serial killers."
- TheSmegmatician
"And putting details of what they did all over the media, giving them additional fame. A comic I can't recall the name of said 'I know more about Ted Bundy than I know about my family.' "
- tactfulvulture
"Ted Bundy legit got hundreds of love letters from women in jail. Really strange why women would find a person who specifically murders only women attractive."
"Humans are certainly bizzarre."
- Noob_master_slayer
"Last podcast on the left does a really good job of showing how these guys are actually just massive losers that turn to killing because it’s the easiest way they can be good at something."
- nurplethepurple
"You can't possibly be a "fan" of any serial killers they talk about, because they make it very clear what pathetic and horrible people they all were."
"I absolutely loved their Charles Manson episodes. 99% of Manson-related media makes him out to be some criminal psychopath mastermind."
"LPOTL makes him out to be a horny little conman troll who had no f*cking clue what he was doing and made a bunch of choices out of sheer panic or stupidity. There's no glamour there."
- GaimanitePkat
It's Just A Job
Tired Presidential Debate GIF by INTO ACTIONGiphy"Overworking."
"My coworkers tend to make it a competition to see who can make the most sacrifices for their career. Who puts in the most overtime hours? Who does things off the clock for work more? Etc"
"It's bullsh*t. I have a life and a family I want to prioritize."
- Disastrous_Emu_3911
"Saying that you work a lot isn't the flex most people think it is. Unless you're rich or you work for yourself, you're basically admitting that you're sacrificing your life for someone else's gain."
- haloarh
"I can see when everyone on my team logs in and out."
"It's super common for people to start working at 4-5am and stay on until 10-11pm. I see work getting submitted at 2am. I see people logging on during weekends."
"One person even worked on Thanksgiving."
"It's like they don't know how to occupy themselves if they're not doing their job."
- Firate
Hot People Can Be Evil
bella swan twilight GIFGiphy"Attractive people doing harmful things."
"People shouldn't get a pass to do toxic and rude things simply because they're attractive. Why do I see serial killers and toxic partners get romanticized simply because they're hot?"
"Why does that make their horrible actions somehow badass and charismatic??"
- Basic_Material
"Back when the Boston marathon bombing happened one of my friends on Facebook started posting a bunch of pictures of one of the bombers, talking about how she would have dreams about him and how obsessed she was with him."
"I straight up blocked her after the second or third time because I couldn't get over how messed up that was. Dude killed and maimed multiple people, his objective attractiveness became absolutely null at that point."
- WhoIs_DankeyKang
"Ugh Twilight absolutely romanticizes this!"
"It's NOT ROMANTIC that a guy breaks into your bedroom at night and watches you sleep. It's not suddenly less terrifying because he is hot."
- Trueloveis4u
Yandere
mirai nikki gasai yuno GIFGiphy"In the anime community, can we please stop with the premise of a 'Yandere,' where someone is so obsessed with someone that they'd go out of their way to hurt other people that person falls in love with."
"I once had a girlfriend in college tell me entirely seriously that she had killed someone before and would physically harm the person I went out with if I ever went out with someone else."
"It was terrifying. It led to me having a fight with another close friend before finally mustering the courage to break off the relationship."
"She's been out of my life for three years but she still causes me issues with relationships to this day (for a few other reasons as well)."
"Not once did I think it was hot to have her earnestly threaten someone else. F*ck that."
- AverageMormonGamer
It's Not Organization
Sobbing Jamie Lee Curtis GIF by filmeditorGiphy"OCD."
"It’s not quirky or funny when I’m late for work because I had to back upstairs to check that the gas stove is off for the fifteenth time because I can’t stop envisioning the whole building blowing up."
"I literally stand frozen to the spot trying to fight the urge to go back when I KNOW I CHECKED but the intrusive thoughts are too upsetting to deal with."
"OCD isn’t being cute and quirky organized."
"For me its believing that people will die if I don’t check again. Again. No again."
"Even if it hurts me. Again."
"I watched a TV series called Whitechapel where the main detective has OCD. There’s a scene of him flicking his office light switch off and on repeatedly whilst screaming his head off desperately wanting to stop."
"That is exactly what it feels like for me."
- UnspeakablePlants
"Howie Mandel talked about this on Conan's podcast the other week."
"As an example, he said he'd miss business meetings getting stuck in a loop of checking that the front door was locked for hours."
- ispysomethingorange8
What does it say about us as people that almost all of these were related to the ways we glamorize our own destruction?
I know I came hard for rom-coms at the beginning, but let's be honest this list is kind of disturbing. What's more, I'm sure you all have things you could add here.
So let's talk about them. What dangerously romanticized thing would you add to the list?
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'American Beauty,' that was the first film I truly began to appreciate the aesthetic of cinema. The roses, the reds, the blues, and how it was all married... brilliant!
Brilliant
tim blake nelson water GIFGiphy"'Oh Brother Where Art Thou,' it was just so visually unique and the slightly aged color tinting with the old music worked together so well." ~ educatedpotato1
Tarsem
"The Fall was gorgeous. For clarification, the 2006 movie "The Fall.'" ~ savantard
"This is one of my secret favorite movies. I say 'secret' because most people have never heard of it and it's criminally overlooked. Gorgeously shot, and a beautiful story to boot." ~ Schneetmacher
"For anyone who doesn't know, Tarsem Singh, the director, did both 'The Fall 'and T'he Cell.' Even though it only got one season (a tragedy), I recommend NBC's Emerald City to anyone who enjoys Tarsem's work. He directed every episode. A lot of beautiful costumes on that show." ~ die-squith
See This...
"Kubo and the Two Strings was a beautiful movie, visually and musically." ~ drawfanstein
"I think it didn’t get the recognition it deserved because a lot of people found the storyline lacking in comparison to the other movies studio laika produced. But the movie was seriously stunning and definitely in the lead for most beautiful (Coraline is the runner-up imo)." ~ Lihork
Secrets
"'The Secret of Kells.' Everything by Cartoon Saloon is absolutely beautiful, but this one also has the perfect match of subject matter and art style." ~ Murgatroyd314
"I like to describe the art/animation style as 'Genndy Tartakovsky on mushrooms, possessed by a monk's ghost.' Even when not on psychedelics I weep with both joy and sadness at multiple points in the film because of how much emotion the mise-en-scene is able to evoke." ~ I_Do_Not_Abbreviate
The Flow
audrey tautou amelie breaks the 4th wall GIF by MauditGiphy"Amélie. The color scheme is warm and welcoming, the storyline flows beautifully, and the soundtrack is brilliant and whimsical, not to mention how talented each actor is. This is my favorite movie." ~ ItStillIsntLupus
My movie bucket list is growing. There is clearly much to study.
Long and Sandy
true detective desert GIFGiphy"'Laurence of Arabia.' I don’t care for long movies or deserts, and it’s still just very pretty." ~ akaCatt
Spaghettis
"'The good, the bad and the ugly' is a strangely beautiful movie." ~ tsaroz
"A lot of the old spaghetti westerns are beautifully shot. And the pacing is tightly controlled to make sure you experience it. Watching these movies in my 40s when I'm more patient is a much different experience than when I was a kid and bored waiting for the gunfights." ~ allboolshite
Sing 2 Me
"Song of the sea." ~ KiviRinne
"Scrolled way too far to find a Cartoon Saloon movie. Everyones mentioning Ghibli, and they're not wrong to do so. But Cartoon Saloon is criminally underrated. 'Secret of Kells, Song of the Sea, and Wolfwalkers.' Some of the most visually beautiful films on the planet." ~TheBlueHeron
In the Woods
"1917 was really nice, even though it was mostly bland brown colors for the majority but the scene in croisilles wood with Jos Slovik singing 'poor wayfairing stranger' is probably my favourite cinematographic moment in film." ~ ravioli_knight2
"The French town at night is my favorite part of that film shot-wise. Flares illuminating the ruins, the glow of burning buildings, shadows everywhere, and one small little fire-lit enclave where a hapless civilian still resides." ~ Metlman13
"This was the movie that popped into my head first. It was so well done, and even though the colors are all similar, the lighting, angle of the shot, and noise/lack of noise all made it so pleasant to watch. Especially being filmed to look like a one-shot movie, it just kept me on the edge of my seat and all the more wrapped up in the cinematography." ~ anony_moose9889
"The strange beauty is one of the best aspects of the movie. It gives 'The Shimmer 'this sort of 'devil-may-care' personality. The mutations occur in whatever way it seems necessary in each life form. On one hand you get these beautiful deer-like creatures with flowering branches for antlers. On the other hand." — Screambear.
I love movies. And I'm glad I'm not alone. Tell me more... what else should we be watching?
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I have pain everywhere. Just because I'm not twenty anymore doesn't mean my body gets to just give in. I know I could help more with that issue, but I feel like my design should be more automatically durable.
Murderers
season 5 GIFGiphy"Honestly our appendixes try to kill us too often. Something ain’t right with it." ~ moonbarrow
The Nerve
"The sciatic nerve routing. Going through the periformis muscle was a bad idea." ~ Sleepdprived
"Just FYI: actually passing through the muscle is an anatomical variant. For the majority of people, the nerve just travels alongside the muscle. Still, that variant is a... uh, pain in the butt." ~ EauEwe
"I'm currently experiencing sciatica right now. It's a nerve being pinched by your spine or muscle in the lower back. The best way I can explain is like a scalpel scraping off your bone marrow throughout your entire leg 24/7."
"It's physically and mentally excruciating so much so that people who suffer from it would rather have their entire leg amputated than live through it. And the thing is this is not an uncommon medical condition. Since the cause is usually a spinal injury, it takes way longer to recover than other injuries, so you're pretty much sleep deprived and exhausted from the pain at every moment until it resides. I'm 25 right now and my first sciatic episode started when I was 21" ~ psyatica
Jaws
"Teeth, one set while we're a child, one set for 60/70 years." ~ godca_grema
"Meanwhile sharks, the lucky bastards, just keep growing new teeth." ~ XxsquirrelxX
"We used to call my brother Shark Boy growing up. That dude had LAYERS of teeth. He had one tooth that grew in the roof of his mouth."
"He also had teeth growing sideways in his gums which torqued his other teeth. It took 2.5 years to get him prepped for orthodontics and then he was in braces for another 5 years after that. Worth it though, he looks like a Colgate commercial now." ~ justuselotion
Too Loud
"The ear. Eyes have eyelids, you can close your mouth, but if there’s an extremely loud noise, your ear drum has to just take it and be irreversibly ruined." ~ sicknessandpurgatory
"Well technically there is a muscle that can tighten your ear to prevent damage from extreme noise, it’s the same reason you don’t hear yourself chew. Some new cars will make a sound to trigger this muscle to prevent hearing loss from the noise of an accident." ~ engineer_doc
Heeled
Soccer Celebrate GIF by Indiana HoosiersGiphy"Achilles tendon. Single point of vulnerability that has no bone sheath and will absolutely cripple you if it's f**ked with." ~ Torvaun
Why do we have an appendix? And why is it a ticking time bomb? All good questions.
Cat Dancing GIF by TikTokExposed
"The elbow. Why the f**k is there a nerve that's so exposed, when you hit it at just the right spot it sends a jolt down your arm?!" ~ hikoboshi_sama
"It’s not just one nerve. You’re talking about the brachial plexus. It’s a bundle of nerves that come from your spine and innervates all the muscles in your arm. That’s why stingers hurt so much, it’s taking out every nerve."
"It’s also a good site for nerve blocks when you have upper limb surgery because you can disable the arm and reduce post operative pain by applying anaesthesia around the nerve roots. Also, in the case of brachial plexus avulsions, you lose all function permanently. And on that note, nerve injuries are freaking crap. We should be able to regenerate them more easily and quickly." ~ ShibuRigged
Cardboard
"Knees are a good idea, but needed a bit more R&D before being rolled out." ~ ChampionshipMission
"Came here to say this. Have you ever seen a child try to make a spaceship or a suit of armor out of cardboard, but they don't have enough cardboard and none of the pieces really fit together anyway, so they end up lashing it together with dozens of strips of tape at every possible angle until it just barely holds together? That's knees. That's how your knees are made." ~ DerCatzefragger
Tiny Humans
"Having sharpened rocks that slowly push their way through the sensitive gums of tiny humans who are too small to understand or explain the reason for their incessant crying. Bonus bad points for these tiny humans being designed to get 100% of their nutrition by latching their new razor teeth around the nipples of another human." ~ PoetryOfLogicalIdeas
E is for Empty
poop toilet GIF by Poo~PourriGiphy"Bowels. I should be able to decide when to empty them completely! In one go and not little bit now and more later!"
"Edit: All this fibre talk, I get it. I now understand more about the importance of fibre. But that kinda adds to what I'm saying. Imagine not needing a summoning ritual. Like deciding when you do and don't drop the kids off at the pool. A human eject button." ~ J1ra1y4
The bowels, they never let up. And like I said earlier, the knees have it. Ankles, knees, elbows, the keys to a happy life.
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