Life is a minefield. There are bombs ready to explode everywhere. And sometimes we are the bombs! We are prone to injury and most of the time our injuries are caused by our own ineptitude. How some of us survive past puberty is a miracle. But every scar has a story and they are some wild tales.
Redditor u/notMrElonMusk wanted everyone to tell u a story or two about human error by asking..... What is the most stupid way you ever got injured?
Twice a Fool...
GiphyTwisted my ankle jumping off a trampoline in a gym once as a kid. That wasn't the stupid injury though. The stupid part was that I jumped again which resulted in two fractures. Unsound_M
Noodled.
Dislocated all of my fingers, my knee, and my shoulder trying to drain spaghetti noodles.
Luckily the finger dislocations meant I held onto the pot so I didn't also drop it and splash boiling water all over myself. Pot was too heavy and pulled all of my fingers out, I couldn't let go since they freeze up when they dislocate so I turned around to try to put it on the counter and dislocated my knee turning too fast and pulled my shoulder out lifting it back up to the counter.
I should note I have Ehlers Danlos, so dislocating is just an every day thing. My boyfriend just had to take the pot away from me so I could sit down and fix everything. PostItFrustrations
Just like Harry....
I was sleeping one afternoon, and all my weight had fallen on my arm. As a result, my arm fell asleep too and got dead numb.
The phone started ringing and the sound somehow blended in my dream, causing me to dream about a fire alarm going off. I got panicked in my sleep and that panic continued when I realized that the ringing wasn't just in my dream, it was happening for real. So I popped up, sleepy and confused, and started running towards the source of the noise.
Comically enough, my arm was so numb that it was beyond my control and was flailing randomly by my side, crashing onto nearby walls and furniture as I was running towards the sound. It was like running with a jelly-like arm, like the one Harry Potter had in HP and the Chamber of Secrets when Lockheart deboned it accidentally.
Anyway, I don't know which of the billion crashes and bumps was the one that did the job, but that's how I dislocated my pinky. It was a good hit, and my finger stood at a really weird angle afterwards, so I had to go to the doctor to put it back in its place. Hurt like a bitch too. I_hate_traveling
Railed.
Right so if you're like me when there is a railing on a path you'll slide your hand across it for some unknown reason, well I once tried this on a spiked fence and cut my hand open because my brain just inserted the smooth rail on top of it. I usually slide my hand against them because they allow it and I guess it's cathartic, it was me being an idiot, I didn't fall i just went to slide my hand across it and it cut my hand open. Wilddagz
The Bite.
GiphyFound a poisonous snake with my brother (I was 14). He ran away and I yelled "you're a wussy!" as I bent down to pick it up. It bit me and I had to spend 9 days in the hospital. TotesYouGoats
"planking"
During the brief period in history when "planking" was a thing, I planked across the bench seats of a 15 passenger van and tore my bottom rib off of the muscle. To this day it's all floaty and weird and constantly reminds me what an idiot I am.
I'm a drummer. I was on the road and a full grown foolish man. greyfell_red
When in Bali....
I was in Bali. As many stupid tourists do I had a (pretty minor, thank God) vespa crash where I bumped into another vespa and hurt my leg. That night, I drunkenly stepped backwards off a metre high deck straight onto the same foot. With a very bruised and painful leg, the next day I walked directly into a pot plant and split open the shin of the same leg. I'm a liability. nonnikcamvil
Not Sporty.
I sucked at sports in high school. A kid on the opposite team threw a dodgeball I tried to catch, ended up breaking my thumb. It didn't really hurt, but it sure as hell wasn't supposed to bend that way. PyukumukuIsGod
I was playing king of the docks as a teen and somehow broke my pinkie toe, didn't even notice til the next day. GangstaCrayon
Screaming epileptic hedgehog....
My sister yanked her arm out of the socket by trying to remove her zipped-up winter jacket with her feet.
She lay on her back on the neighbor's porch, lifted both feet inside of the jacket, and kicked hard. When I found her, her feet were still tucked in her jacket and she was rolling on her back like a screaming epileptic hedgehog. Upvotespoodles
Redditor Tight_Anywhere6794 wanted to hear about the things parents have said in the past that haunts everyone still, so they asked:
"What insult have your parents said, that is stuck in your head as an adult?"
I've been blessed with the mother I had.
So I can't speak from experience.
But I've heard parenting horror stories.
Bad Expressions
Sad Kid GIF by 1tvGiphy“'You’re so annoying.' Said to me as a young kid while I was expressing enthusiasm over some new interest. Later my father complains I never tell him anything."
foppishyyy
Mean Spirited
"What did I do to deserve a fat kid?"
Silosolo
"My parents also mocked me for being fat, and outright physically abused me as in forcefully grabbed my fat child manboobs or slapped me while calling me fat-related names."
"A lot of people at school did it too, so obviously I have a lot of self-image issues like I never let anyone see me without clothes these days. The worst part is that I legitimately internalized a lot of hate, I could never care for myself enough to actually get fit."
FoeWithBenefits
What's My Name?
"My parents divorced when I was young and they hate each other. My mom would call me my dad's name when she was really upset. What makes it worse is that I confided in her that I never wanted to be like my dad. She used that ammunition against me."
Discarded_Pariah
"That's awful. You are your own person. You aren't your father."
blksmnr
Unfunny
"'You can't even laugh right.'"
"My mom in a weird moment I thought we were bonding. There's something inherently extra evil when someone tells you your joy is wrong. Told her I'm engaged and hoped she could at least be happy I'm happy and she ghosted everyone to the point the family thought died. She's a mess."
BlindEditor
"I'll never understand parents that are so hard on their own children that they can't even be happy for them. So their sole function is to bring misery to their offspring?"
macabre_irony
Evil
Oh My God Wow GIF by The Roku ChannelGiphy"My little brother was drowning, I tried to save him but also almost drowned, we got rescued by a neighbor. My mom told me that they should've left me in the pond. I haven't spoken to her in many years."
Ilookbetterthanyou
Good Lord. How do people like this exist?
Tragic.
HIM
"She told me I was acting just like my father when I would get upset. I would just get kinda pissy and sulk. He would go on rampages and scream and hit and throw things. He pushed her down the stairs once. I would never lay a finger on my current partner. The worst part is I look just like him. I was wondering if my mother always expected me to turn into my dad. I prove her wrong every day."
rot_grl
10 Years Old
"When I was ~10 years old, my mum once said 'If I could go back in time and make sure I never gave birth to you, I would in a heartbeat.'"
"Never forgot it. Talked to her about it a couple of times years later and her responses ranged from 'That never happened' to 'Oh yeah and I suppose I’m just the worst mother ever' and finally 'Yeah but I didn’t mean it, you know that.'"
"Messed me up tho tbh. Another one was '[older sibling] was the only child we actually planned for, the rest of you were accidents.' I don’t think it was intended as an insult, but being told your entire existence was an accident as a child kinda stung."
SpiderP*bes
Failures
“'You’re the biggest mistake I ever made.' - my mother when I was 5. I’m 32 now and it’s been the undercurrent for our relationship ever since, constantly wondering if anything I’ve achieved or struggled for is something she’s genuinely proud of or just relieved to say I wasn’t a total failure on her part."
thefaehost
Generational Issues
"Not a parent but a grandparent, I was adopted when I was 12 years old (my parents were both drug addicts so I was in and out of foster care most of my life) my adopted mother's father turned to me on Christmas Eve when no one else was around and said 'My daughter should have never adopted you, she should have let you stay on the streets where you belong'… he got nicer as he got older and sicker but I couldn’t find it in myself to forget what he said even almost 10 years later. Went to the funeral for moral support but was indifferent about his passing."
samweather227
Just Me
Sad Kids GIF by Cian DucrotGiphy"I was an only child and lonely. When I asked for a sibling, the response was 'If you want to know why we don't have more kids, go look in the mirror.'"
Responsible_Fly_3565
Some people should never have children.
Awful.
"What is something you no longer have patience for?"
Off The Clock Means OFF THE CLOCK!
"Working outside of work hours."
"I used to go above and beyond, now I only put in what is required."
"Life is too short to live only to work."- Chesterfieldcat
"The working world."
"My life doesn’t revolve around working here and it never will."
"It will never be a part of my identity."
"I come in, do the job, make money, go home."
"Don’t expect me to come to all the work happy hours so I can pretend how much I love working here."- nuclearsalt
Some Things Just Don't Get A Free Pass
"Sh*tty people getting a pass 'because they're family'."- cgulash
angry homer simpson GIFGiphySay What You Mean, Not What You Feel
"Having to guess what people REALLY mean by something they said."
"I take everything people say at face value now and don't replay conversations in my head to find out the real meaning anymore."
"Be passive-aggressive if you want to but talk to me like an adult if you really have a problem."- WateredDownSalt
EYES ON THE ROAD!
"People who text and drive."
"You're driving a giant piece of metal propelled by explosive liquid."
"Pay attention."- MasterfulNothasie
The Only Life That Should Concern You Is Your Own
"People and groups of people that only talk about other people."- Turf98
"People who can’t mind their fucking business and are always worried about what other people are doing."
"If it doesn’t effect you, f*ck off."
"It’s literally free."- wackwackwackjpg
GIF by WWEGiphySome People Didn't Mind Social Distancing
"People invading my personal space."- Mighty-Foreskin
Influence Can Be Dangerous
"Anything that has “influencer” in it."- chemistcarpenter
Indoor Voices People...
"Streamers screaming, losing their sh*t, breaking things, and having tantrums."
"I used to think this was so funny now I just can't stand it; I can't even watch a streamer if I notice they're not using their normal talking voice." - Reddit
Fail Oh No GIF by G2 EsportsGiphyTaking Responsibility Is A Sign Of Maturity
"People who constantly blame others for the situation they are in."- SuvenPan
Time Is Precious And Shouldn't Be Wasted
"Waiting on people who are constantly late to plans."
"I will wait 15 minutes then excuse myself."- Dabbles-In-Irony
There's Multi-Tasking, And Then There's Just Being Rude...
"People being on their phone while in a conversation with you."
"Seriously."
"Put your phone away!"- rosieblinkstime
Phone GIF by Poehlmann FitnessGiphyIt Takes So Much More Effort To Be Nasty...
"Bad manners, unkindness and general rudeness."
"It costs nothing to be a nice person and from someone who works in a customer-facing industry, attitudes, sadly, appear to be getting worse."
"It really makes me cross."- Bellamiles85
At Least They're Being Transparent
"Medicine commercials with worse side-effects than the thing being cured."- mrbbrj
Wasting our time and thoughts about things that we know can only bring us down is simply no way to get through life.
It's essential to live our lives by taking the present moment for what it is: a present.