The one thing that happened of which never speak again. There are so many. They never stop, either. Who knows when you'll walk in on your dad naked and chugging milk, or farting so loudly your grandmother's funeral is ruined?
dannyjayes1 asked Reddit: What is your "we will never speak of this again" moment?
Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.
40. Daddy and auntie being naughty.
My Divorced dad was playing horseshoes in a league with my Aunt (moms sister). They went together one night when I was about 16. I went to a friends house to sleepover and didn't think any more of it.
Until I got home the next morning and her car was still in the driveway. Innocent and stupid me went into the house expecting my aunt to maybe be crashed on the couch or something.
Then I heard the shower running and thought, weird, maybe she's taking a shower before she leaves.
Then I heard my dads laugh coming from the bathroom with my aunt laughing too. I tip toed out of the house and went right back to my friends house completely flabbergasted by what I just walked in on.
39. This is a marriage made to last.
I had internal bleeding and really low blood pressure. I was in the hospital and instructed to not try to stand or walk since I'd faint. I didn't obey that.
I went to take a piss and my girlfriend saw and chased after me. She caught up just in time to throw herself between me and the floor to prevent me from cracking my head open as I fell back unconscious, peeing all over everything on the way down.
I awoke with her sandwiched between me and the tile floors, lying in a pool of my pee.
And that's actually the moment I realized I should marry that girl.
But that's not the story I tell when someone asked, "when did you know she was the one?"
Not gonna lie that's the perfect story for I knew she was the one!
Yeah that's a story for the wedding if ever I've heard one.
38. Don't whizz in the fireplace. Or on the electric fence.
I was about 15. Definitely old enough to know better.
I was putting spiders and ice cubes on the super hot wood stove because the Leidenfrost effect was interesting.
I thought it would be funny to do it with piss. It was not funny to do it with piss.
For the uninitiated, what happens is the piss vaporizes and depending on the volume of your bladder, produces a thick and clearly visible dark brown cloud.
If you can imagine the smog line in LA, it looks like that. That cloud hugs the ceiling and hangs down about a foot. It doesn't really move because it's water vapor and it leaves a film on everything it touches.
It smells like....well...like burnt piss, and you can also taste it. The cloud absolutely does not dissipate before your mother gets home from work.
Eating a Hot Pocket with your bits exposed sounds a bit too dangerous for me.
I was sort of a naughty kid anyhow, so she thought I had started a fire with something. In order to avoid a worse punishment I had to take dumbsponsibility. That was the only time I can remember her looking at me with actual hatred.
MrdrBrgrYou just made me burst out laughing.
I don't recall ever learning about the Leidenfrost effect, so I just looked that up and its really cool. Totally explains why you would play with ice cubes on a wood stove.
But what's up with the spiders?spiders and ice cubes
Right, right, classic combo.
One faithful night when I was around 12, I woke up and for some reason I was sure I was hella late for school. I threw on some clothes and walked into the kitchen, still half asleep.
What I saw in the kitchen was utterly confusing. My dad was standing there, naked, chugging milk straight from the carton like a madman. I looked at him, but was too tired to be shocked, he on the other hand looked like he had been cought chugging milk by the ghost of Hitler. Then I looked up at the clock.
It was 4 AM. I really didn't understand anything except that I could sleep more at this point, so without a word I just turned around slowly and went back to bed.
The look on his face still haunts me
Edit: I forgot to mention that he never put the carton down. He just stared at me in shock, milk to mouth, until I left. For all I know he stood there chugging milk with all night
I meant fateful, but at this point I'm just going with it
36. Never tell anyone - except Reddit.
When my uncle died we were going through his house to clear it. We found 5-6 cameras and checked them to see if there were any photos of him for his mother as she didn't have many.
Turns out he was into domination and had a large variety of porn quality pictures of himself partaking in his fetish. 60 year old man being dominated by similarly aged males and females. They are seared into my soul.
Myself and my father were checking together and made a pact not to tell anyone else or speak of it again.
I have this fear for when I die. Especially if I die unexpectedly... just burn all my sh*t. Just burn it.
Give me a key to your house and I'll make sure that nobody finds your body
Edit: Porn, that nobody finds your porn
35. Pics or it didn't happen.
A friend accidentally sent me a pic of his junk on Snapchat that was clearly meant for someone else. He excused himself a hundred times.
"Accidentally" ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
I accidently sent a snap of myself holding my hand over my junk to my then girlfriends best friend... I immediately called my gf and told her what just happend while writing SORRY THAT WAS NOT FOR YOU to the friend. We all laughed about it and i thought we agreed on not talking about it... I was wrong. All her friends know about it.
34. Username leaves me with questions.
I follow a bunch of weird blogs/tags on tumblr and was scrolling through my feed. I would usually alt/tab in 0.1 seconds if I was fapping or whatever but since I wasn't looking at any porn, I didn't bother to hide what I was doing, kept scrolling, then turned round (whilst still scrolling) to see my mum come in my room to put some laundry on a cabinet.
Unbeknownst to me, right as she came in the room, on my screen was a huge picture of an erect horse penis. I have no idea why it was on the blog and I did not intentionally look for it, but it was right there. In the middle of the screen.
33. Oh no, a joint?!
This is my friend's story.
She smoked weed a bit in high school but obviously hid it from her parents. This one time she came downstairs in the morning to find a joint sitting on the kitchen counter.
She knew for sure it wasn't hers and that she wouldn't be stupid enough to leave one out like that. Her mother soon after walked downstairs and started cleaning up around the kitchen.
When she ran into the joint, she paused, locked eyes for a bit with my friend, said "oh uh" and quickly brushed it into her hand and got rid of it. They both pretended it never happened.
She thinks her mom was covering for her dad. Later on she once found a bong in his closet. She always wanted to smoke with him after that but didnt know how to bring it up. Hence the never talked about it again.
32. We've all been there...
Well me and the wife were out on the lake fishing. When all of a sudden I felt the rumbling in my gut. I was about to sh*t my pants. I looked around and noticed we were no where near a dock and there was nobody else on the water.
So I looked my wife in the eye and told her I was sorry and loved her very much. I then proceeded to hang my ass over the side of the boat and had the Hershey squirts.
It was over quite quickly thankfully. My wife passed me a few old receipts from her purse so I could wipe. She told me she still loved me and we kept on fishing.
Edit: I'd like to clarify that we did indeed move to a different part of the lake when I finished. What kind of sicko do you take me for?
Edit the second: my most upvoted comment is about me having diarrhea on a lake. Wtf is wrong with you reddit? Also my wife is insisting that I point out that we'd been married less than a year at that point.
Thats a keeper.
Matched with my cousin on Tinder.
I was like "wow she is ho.... O my god that's my cousin!" while swiping. It all happened so fast. Same thing must have happened to her because we matched.
I just messaged her and said we never speak of this, agreed? And she said agreed. And we've never spoken about it. Things are weird around the holidays.
We just kinda make eye contact and then one of us finds a reason to leave the room immediatly to go and talk to other family members who we have not matched with on Tinder.
30. Forgetting this is probably for the best.
I came home from a week at Girl Scout camp at 13, and discovered a tick the size of a thumbtack, attached to a very private place. I had to go to my Mom and get her to help detach it.
When she finished, she told me we didn't ever have to talk about this again if I didn't want to. Her tone made it clear that she certainly didn't want to.
29. I'mma let you finish but...
Not to hijack the camp story but one time at camp there was this really high rope climb activity that we received daily merits for and I was naturally good.
My group was fairly large as I was quite younger and one day while climbing I almost hit the top but ran out of energy. I squirmed my legs up and down grasping at rope when a glorious burst of happy nectar flooded my grub worm for the first time.
It never came to a pinnacle because it was as if that was the baseline experience. I did this everyday until climbing the rope was the least of my worries.
One teacher thought the behavior was odd and asked me why I stopped at the top every time and squirmed around. I said it feels really good. I was instructed to not do that and to not tell anyone. A couple years later I discovered a pool jet..
Wait until you figure out how to use your hands.
28. And now for an innocent mistake.
In middle school my crush's mom and my mom drove the exact same SUV with similar license plates. After school one day I ran up hopped in my mom's car and started talking when she didn't talk back and hadn't left the pick-up line I looked at her.
She was not my mom. I look to my right and my crush is standing outside the car looking at me like I was crazy. I sheepishly got out and ran a few cars back to my real mom.
A few years later I had moved back to the area and was a cashier at a local store. My crush came through the line and recognized me and started to say weren't you that girl who...where I just interrupted with a "yes" handed him his change and quickly started the next customer.
27. People are nasty.
I put my head in my friends horse mask, only to realize it was where he left all of his used 'alone time' tissues. It was a bonding moment. I took 3 showers.
What's wrong with the trash can?
Seriously, I had never heard of keeping soaked tissues/rags/socks just lying around the room in random places before I discovered Reddit and it seems like everyone does it. It's just so nasty.
26. How embarrassing.
Had to stay with a work friend one night as we had a conference in his home town the next day. It was weird enough staying in his spare room, but to top things off he had a fancy modern bathroom with a square toilet... which of course, I blocked in the morning with a turd the size of Mt Fuji.
After 30 mins of fruitless searching for a plunger while the situation went from bad to worse, he knocked on the door and asked if I was okay.
I had to tell him not to come in but to just hand me a plunger and some bleach. Apparently his gf did the same thing the first night she stayed at his place, so at least I'm not alone. To this day I cannot look him in the eye at work.
Edit: ouch my inbox. I get it, everybody poops.
When i was 17 a huge photo radar ticket came in for my truck. something like 40km over the speed limit. My mom was furious at me. HOW DARE YOU DRIVE LIKE A MANIAC I RAISED YOU BETTER and all that.
But It turns out I wasn't the driver that day, dad had borrowed it to pick something up. I asked him how much it was worth to him for me to take the fall knowing she'd turn on him with the fury of a angry mama bear. And that's I got myself a new HDTV that year.
I have a really similar story to this haha. My dad took my car to work one day because his car was in the shop getting fixed.
About a month later a red light camera ticket comes in the mail and my dad opens it and sees its my car and starts blaming me for it.
I look at the picture on the ticket and realize it was on a road near where my dad works so i'm like this isn't even me driving thats you going to work and my dad was just like "oh.... welll sh*t"
24. Uh okay weird.
My mum heard me talking to my best friend about the new edition of International club porn magazine that had Geri Halliwell naked in it. I got back from school one day and there was a brown paper bag on the sofa which my mum edged towards me and walked off. 14 year old me was forever grateful. You're the best mum!
23. Raise your hand if you miss middle school.
I was at a pool party in 8th grade, I think I may have been swimming around or sitting weirdly, but I remember a friend of mine told me "Dude I just saw your peen."
Me: "No you didn't"
Friend: "You're right, I didn't"
Never spoke about him seeing it again.
22. That's love right there.
One time I was taking a poop and feeling very faint. I started getting cold sweats, feeling dizzy and light headed. In a panic I shouted for my wife to come help me.
As she entered the room I proceeded to faint and fall off the toilet and roll my body to side to prevent injury. Mid fall a solid turd torpedoed out of my butt across the floor leaving a trail of poop smear.
When I came to, my wife was standing there in shock, I got up grabbed some toilet paper and picked up my shame and we never spoke of it again.
21. War, man.
Not me but my father's story.
During WWII, my father was a photographer for the 9th Army Air Corps. Most of the time it was ground-based, but occasionally he flew.
During the lead-up to D-Day, he flew multiple missions in a bomber converted to a stereoscopic camera (3D imagery) platform (the bomb bay had been gutted and the camera installed there).
They would overfly France and take pictures until they either ran out of film or the Luftwaffe showed up. To minimize detection they flew alone with the escort fighters circling out over the Channel.
In event of an attack, they'd drop until they were skimming the waves and run for England, passing under the fighters who'd engage the Germans while they fled.
This, of course, didn't have its risks and on more than one occasion they'd be caught too deep into France or the German fighters would get the drop on them and they'd have to man the guns. Crew size meant even the photographers had to man a gun.
So with all that, here's the "let's never speak of this again" moment. They were still at a high altitude One of the guns jammed and the gunner took off his glove and ended up freezing his hand to the metal of the gun.
He's yelling for help and my dad goes over and says, "There's two ways to get your hand off. Either we yank it off and take the skin off your palm, or we use warm liquid. I know of only one source of that..."
"Never tell anybody about this," was said. Dad didn't keep his word, and thus was born the often told story of how my father pissed on a crewmate's hand and the guy thanked him for it.
20. Hot Pockets. Worth the pain.
I got up one night to get some water, and found that my teenage son was in the kitchen getting food. He was behind the kitchen counter, so I could only see him from the waist up.
When he came around the counter into the hall, two things happened simultaneously: He noticed me, and his eyes grew wide in horror; and I saw that he was butt-naked except for a pair of socks.
He starts trying to panic-run backwards on the tile floor (imagine Scooby Doo trying to run but getting stuck in place in a flurry of limbs), but ended up slipping and taking a hard seat on the tile. Worst of all, he dropped his Hot Pocket. I made sure he was ok, then went back to bed and laughed my @ss off.
Years later, we were driving and reminiscing about funny memories. I said, "Do you remember that night--" and he cut me off with, "Yes." I didn't even have to specify which night. We knew, and we were silent.
19. When ya can't even sneak...
In my early teens I used to choke the chicken on the bed all the time. My bed had a loose board on the headboard that would kind of make this clacking sound.
As a naive child, I assumed nobody could hear it. Turns out everybody - my older sisters, my mom, dad, and even my aunt who stayed with us a lot - heard me ALL THE TIME and knew exactly what was going on.
I learned this about 4 years after moving out when we all got together and got drunk one night, and on my way up to the bedroom my drunk-ass mom goes "We don't want to hear that headboard clanking tonight or you're going to be washing those sheets!" Everyone laughed.
I was like "wut" and then thought about it all night. Nobody acknowledged it at breakfast. Good GOD that was awful.
18. Oh the days of magazines...
My father and I had a porn cold war. There has been a tacit agreement never to speak of it, and we haven't.
When I was a teenager, my mother found my porn stash. Both parents confronted me with it when I got home from school. And of course confiscated it. And of course threw it in the bin.
Or so I thought.
Months later, I happened upon my collection, hidden at the bottom of my dad's wardrobe. Hidden. From my mother, clearly.
So I took it back and hid it in my bedroom. What's he going to do? Tell my mother I'd taken the porn he'd hidden from her that he was supposed to have thrown out?
And he found it again. And took it back. And hid it.
This went on for years. And it's never been mentioned.
And it never will be.
17. When you gotta go you gotta go.
My husband and I work at the same small office. We were the first ones in that morning and other employees usually don't show up for another hour or so. There's only one bathroom on our floor as it's a small business.
Anyway, I had just had some habanero spicy thing the day before and I was in for some punishment on this particular morning.
I'm talking doubled over, clutching your stomach, your farts are fire-punishment. I hear a knock on the bathroom door and I assume it's my husband.
"Hang on I'm having the habanero squirts. I'll be out as soon as I can," I groan out between awful spirting sounds. I hear a female voice awkwardly reply, "Oh...okay."
Sorry Stacy for pulling you into my terrible morning...
16. If it had hit someone...
My wife and I were at my cousin's apartment in a big city. They have a balcony on the 40th something floor. We were all outside on the balcony drinking some beers and getting a little drunk.
My wife rests her beer can (thank god it was a can and not a bottle or glass) on the railing of the balcony. I scold her and go to move it when my half drunk and clumsy self knocks it off and we watch in horror as it falls in slow motion 40 stories and hits the ground like a bullet next to a crowd of people. We never mentioned it to anyone.
15. These things happen.
My boyfriend had to give me an enema once.
14. Poor Donny.
When my best friend died, we figured he would have liked a 'sky burial' kind of.
So at the height of the funeral party we released his ashes into heavens with a giant balloon.
After a few meters of flight the string has snapped, and his remains covered the mourning crowd.
Everyone made their best efforts to get very drunk as soon as possible.
We will never speak of this ever.
13. If that snot love, I dunno what is.
The smoking hot guy I met the prior weekend asked me out and, naturally, I said yes. Because I'd just met him, I asked if I could drive, and he said no problem.
On the way to get some grub, we're cruising along with the perfect tunes playing in the car, windows down, on an absolutely beautiful night. He looks over, I look over.... we're both just sparkling, you know? It was one of those "moments" where you want to take a mental snapshot.
Aaaaannnd THEN...... I guess we must have driven through an area of something he was allergic to? Because he sneezed a couple small ones, then with one MASSIVE blow, HONKED a HUUUUUGE wad of SNOT aaaaaallllll over my windshield and dashboard!
But, unbelievably, that's NOT the worst part. Nooooo. He pretended like it DIDN'T HAPPEN, and went about talking, and scooping it up with his HANDS and smearing it ONTO HIS PANTS!
I. Was. BEYOND. Mortified. I was throwing up in my mouth, my eyes were watering, and he didn't want me to pull over to get it cleaned up? We had to go to dinner like that, with SNOTTY PANTS!!
Sigh...... I ended up marrying him. We have NEVER, EVER spoken of it again, not even 40 years later.
Edit: Holy SNOT balls Batman, THIS has blown up! Thanks for all the excellent karma! Wish I could show the hubster the post but.... ya know.... IT'S IN THE VAULT!!!
12. "Just a cramp."
After a house party when I was a teenager me and my friend both passed out on my bed. About 2/3 hours later I woke up with horrendous cramp in my leg so I've sat on the edge of the bed massaging it trying to get rid of it.
My friend woke up and thought I was rubbing one out but got too awkward to ask wtf was going on. He never said anything until the next morning when he was giving me a weird look.
I'd prefer we never speak of it again...he loves twisting the story to any girls on nights out.
We were at a friends hanging out. He invited a few girls over and one of the guys knew where his "nut rag" was kept. Someone went to the kitchen and used tongs to grab it and show off. The girls asked what it was and we began to just silently sit there thinking of something.
When I was a teenager I got really stoned one day and when I got home I went for a shower. It was only me and my sister in the house. While still incredibly high I got shampoo in my eyes.
In a little panic I slipped and ripped the shower curtain down.. Fell out the bath.. Hit head on radiator and landed with my arm down the toilet.
My sister burst in to see what had made a huge crashing sound, there's me.. naked, wrapped up in a shower curtain on the floor with my arm down the toilet.
12 years later and it's never been brought up.
10. "Wait, you're robbing me?"
My parents had to help me get home after an unfortunate event with a dominatrix in Lithuania where I got robbed while strapped down naked on the bed, she took off and I had to be "rescued" by the Lithuanian police.
9. He wasn't wrong.
15 years old, I wander into the living room in my boxers, hand down the front, enjoying being home alone. President George W. Bush is on TV talking about cloning. With little understanding of what he is talking about, I yell at the top of my lungs, "WE'RE F*CKED!"
When I was home alone and a teenager, I liked to get wacky like this, probably just an outlet of excess energy and my general facade of being a decent kid. Dance around, yell random things, basically if you saw me in private at any point in these years you would have thought I was mentally ill (hell, maybe I am, who can say?)
Unfortunately for me I was not home alone and my mom was in the living room watching this unfold. She yelled at me in shock at my behavior, it was probably top 10 most embarrassed I've ever been in my life, and it was never discussed again.
Some years ago, the toilet in my kids' bathroom got really clogged. Like impossibly clogged. Nothing, not even one of those toilet snake thingies could unclog it.
It was so bad that I literally took the the toilet bowl apart and removed it from the mounting, determined to see just what the hell clogging it. Finally, after some poking and prodding around, I dislodged a small canister of hairspray - you know those like travel-size versions, about 5 inches high and maybe 1.5 inches in circumference.
Confused ,I asked my son if he knew how that could have gotten in there. He had a horrified look on his face, as if I had dug something up out of a grave. He was about 13 or 14 at the time, so suddenly I had an idea of what was going on. He tried to explain it away as "Oh I was just fooling around and trying to see what I could flush down the toilet, haha," but I knew his @ss was lying.
I totally knew he was trying to stick that thing up his butt and that it fell in. I gave him a look as if to say "I know they truth but I'm not gonna push the matter," and we never spoke of it again. I covered for him when I spoke to my wife and just told her that I think the kids were just fooling around and it fell in.
7. Sibling shenanigans.
I got into a car accident for the first time in my life when my younger brother was visiting me. I wasn't paying attention (dumb) to the car in front of me and I rear-ended them pretty hard.
Luckily no one was hurt, we exchanged information, took pictures, but there was no noticeable damage so we left it at that.
I looked at my brother and we both agreed never to bring it up again. I gave him that car when he turned 18.
6. Awful lotta fuss over a pill...
At school, this kid and I found a pill on the counter, and we chucked it into a urinal full of piss for whatever reason. About an hour later a teacher pulls me out of class asking what I had found in the bathroom.
Apparently this kid told the school I had found a pill, and the school wanted it. I was taken to the office and they were demanding this pill from me, which I just didn't have.
I lied and said I threw it away, and they demanded that I go search the trash for it. I was silently freaking out knowing that if I didn't come back with this pill, I could probably get in serious trouble.
They sent this kid and I to go search the trash, and while in the bathroom we looked at each other and knew what had to be done. I reached into this piss hole, grabbed the partially -dissolved pill, and dried it off with a paper towel.
We told each other that this piss grab will never be spoken about under any circumstance. We gave the pill to the school and they asked why it was kind of dissolved. We told them it was wrapped in a wet paper towel when we threw it away and they believed it.
When I scored on the wrong hoop in a basketball game when I was 8. My sister unfortunately never signed the non disclosure agreement.
4. No divine intervention.
Many many years ago I went to this Jesus Woodstock festival. Basically a 3 day Christian music fest. We got there after dark. Set up our tents.
I use a wad of tp, toss it into the hole, but it's strangely floating. I realize I fucking pissed on the brand new portapotty with the toilet lid still closed. I felt immediate shame. I had to release my guilt and confided in my bff later that night. She did the same exact f*cking thing.
Had to use the bathroom and ran to the portapotty without flashlights cuz we were 17 and beyond dumb. I pop a squat and am getting a TON of splash back- idk how it's so filled, it's the first night.
3. Good thing it wasn't actual brain surgery.
I was working IT for a hospital and a neurosurgeon had ordered a new lamp for his microscope. It came in through IT instead of engineering for some reason, so it fell to me to drop it off to him. When I did, he asked me to fit it as well. Medical equipment isn't my field, but the instructions were right there on the box, so I did.
Okay, cool. New lamp fitted, I can see it shining through the housing. So why wasn't the PC capturing any image from the microscope? The surgeon didn't know either, it had been like this for weeks. I didn't know microscopes, but I did my best to troubleshoot. Lamp on, check. Comms cord plugged in and seated tightly, check. The PC is receiving a signal, but for some reason it's a completely blank signal.
Neither one of us could figure out the problem, so we called up a medical engineer who took one long look at the microscope from across the room and announced that the lens cap was on. The brain surgeon and me shared a single humiliated glance and silently promised each other never to talk about this moment. A promise I've broken for your enjoyment.
2. A Thanksgiving memory for the ages.
My husband and I were going to Thanksgiving dinner at the house of some of my dad's family that I only kind of knew. We got there, knocked, and a woman I didn't recognize let us in.
We went into the home and there wasn't anyone there, there was no dinner, etc. So we're making small talk with this lady and I ask when everyone is coming. She asks what I mean.
Turns out we were at the wrong house. The woman just thought we were friends of her husband, because he would randomly bring people home, and that we had simply arrived before he did.
1. Same, can't.
Trying to teach my new at the time girlfriend how to drive my manual car. She told me she had done it a few times and knew what she was doing.Fast forward ten minutes and I no longer have a front bumper.
She continues with "I cant believe I did this! You're friends and family are gonna think I'm an idiot!" I just replied with "I did this" and we havnt spoke of it since. Everyone thinks im the idiot
We all have different perhaps strange activities that are satisfying. There isn't really any cut-and-dry format to what we should enjoy. There are however many things that most of the populace are adverse to.
Working outside in the heat or very cold weather, going to the dentist, or having to tackle a big disorganized mess are not typically one top of anyone's to-do list. Although some things for this writer bring a smile of satisfaction when done. Strangely enough, I love cleaning cast iron cookware. Getting it really clean and then seasoning it with oil, bringing it out of the oven from heating to see the shiny deep black surface of a job well done makes me happy, even though it's a pain.
Redditor WowADeadMidget wanted to hear what the other weirdos of the world enjoyed.
"What do you enjoy doing that most people generally dislike?"
The responses were all too relatable.
Being a total night owl...
“Being up all night and sleeping all day. People may enjoy it but as a societal whole it's frowned upon. I feel horrible when I'm awake during the day and when night hits I feel naturally more awake.”
“Problem is nothing is open at night where I am so I can't shop and get things done at night, and again, it's really looked down on to be up at night and sleep during the day. You're considered lazy or unwilling to work, selfish, all sorts of things. I'd rather have a night job and sleep during the day.”
“Edit for additional information apparently. I am not a child or a teen who ‘just doesn't like people’ I am in my thirties. I appreciate the dm's and comments from those who relate, glad it seems there are a lot of us who not only enjoy being awake at night and sleeping during the day, but genuinely can only properly function this way.”
“Hello fellow Night guard haha.” toxicoverride
“I love being on planes. Just the experience of taking off and landing. I actually enjoy the pressure you get on your ear. But the best thing about is looking down at the place I came from or are going to.”
“ I really enjoy looking at maps and google earth so it feels great to see it with my own eyes. I can see my whole life from the window, where I live and where I go to school. It is just a lovely experience and totally worth the small leg room." Malthegudum
“The loud lawn mower lets me sing...”
“Yard work - as long as it's not too hot. If it's slightly chilled or just a nice day, I enjoy buckling down and just doing a lot of yard work. I get a sense of accomplishment when done, it helps ease my mind seeing the lines of grass being cut, especially that last piece to finish a section.”
“And once I get going I knock out several things. It's therapeutic to me. The loud lawn mower lets me sing, or collect thought about things going on in my life, or think those afterthought insults you wish you threw at someone in an argument earlier that day that would have hit home in the perfect way you wanted. Stuff like that lol” Poocheese55
“walking alone with or without destination...”
“Walking. Just, walking alone with or without destination, often to places I've never been before and past 2 am when there's noone in the streets, just observing the surrounding as they slowly pass by me, with my thoughts to myself.”
“I just find it relaxing and oddly sublime. Even in daily life, sometimes I find myself looking at some places and thinking ‘it would be nice to walk around in there’.”
“Edit: judging by the amount of upvotes and comments I'm getting, this might have been not so disliked activity as I previously thought after all...” Leuk_Jin
Working in the cold...
“Working outside when it's cold. Most of my coworkers absolutely hate it. I'm the opposite and hate the summer.”
“I'm in a t-shirt at 30°F. I'm comfortable down to and a little below 0°F. Anything colder than -10°F and it's hard on the tools and equipment. When we got down almost -40°F a couple years ago, I was giddy like a school girl and stood outside as long as I could just to feel it.”
“ If I could find a company in my field and area that would let me work January and February and take July and August off, I'd do it in a heart beat.” Bimlouhay83
“ a lover of organizing.”
“Organizing things, its just satisfying and a stress reliever for me.” EducationalPark4936
“My dad is a game developer (like pen & paper/card games, not apps) and he's working on a card game right now where the whole point is to sort. Each card has a different saying, color, shape, font, etc. and the only point is to sort the cards however you wish.”
“I, too, am a lover of organizing, and it's by far my favorite game he's made. It's meditative just organizing a stack of cards over and over again.” yourerightaboutthat
Ah life Tetris...
“Packing my luggage."
“I usually procrastinate until the last evening but once I'm on it it feels like a real-life Tetris game, nicely filling the gaps, neatly folding the shirts. Mom thinks it feels meditative to watch me pack." deadBee_25
An enjtment not everyone has...
“I love paying my bills. It feels so satisfying to see the owed balance drop to $0.” Tiger5913
“When you don't have anxiety about your bank account having the funds to pay them, it feels great. When you are afraid to check your bank account because you're scared of what you're going to see, it's much less fun to pay bills. Been in the latter, but thankfully I'm now in the former.” Full_Moon_Fever
“Troubleshooting things. I really enjoy finding small problems and fixing them. It's why I spent my HS years learning about signal wiring, my college years working with EE stuff, I brought my first job's company back from the edge of collapse, I nearly started a computer consulting firm, and now I play with 3D printing with highly customized features.”
It's why I still enjoy a good sudoku or murder mystery. It's that hunt for the Andre to a question. It's the want to learn the insides of a system well enough to pick it apart, fix it, and reassemble with only A FEW extra screws. It's just enjoyable.” NEXT_VICTIM
Well that's terrifying...
“Going to the dentist. I love the feeling of having my teeth cleaned and even the feeling of my teeth being filed down or drilled into. I used to have a teeth grinding problem so that probably explains why I enjoy it lol.” raginghangnail
Some of these may not seem too off while others really take the cake . Whatever you enjoy as long as it harms none have fun!
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There really are some outrageously entitled people out in the world. It feels like everyone is obsessed with living the life of a Kardashian, and that obsession, is rotting a lot of humanity.
I use to wait tables in a high end restaurant in Midtown Manhattan, very close to the fashion district. Can you imagine the the type of spoiled nonsense I've witnessed? I've seen behavior that would shock Miranda Priestly herself.
When I see people acting in such ways I'm always curious about how in the world these people became this way. Like, who raised you? Did no one ever slap you around? I'll volunteer.
And what do your parents think about their parenting skills? Because I have a few thoughts.
Redditor u/pleasantvalleyroad wanted parents out there to fess up about the "humans" they've unleashed on the world, by asking:
Parents of reddit, when did you realize you had spoiled your child(ren) to the point that they would need serious help to not grow up an entitled jerk? And did you make changes to how you parent from that point forward?
Rule number one in life...
"You are entitled to nothing!"
Money does not make you better and this isn't your world that the rest of us are merely guests in. Just some mantras to begin with.
$$$kim kardashian school GIFGiphy
"Stopped giving money so they had to get a job to have the things they wanted. Helped a lot."
Breaking the Cycle
"Having been abused and neglected as a child, I vowed not to make the same mistake with my own kid. I made a bunch of different ones instead! I didn't discipline here enough, because the only kind of discipline I knew was physical abuse and I refused to do that. In trying to do better I went in the opposite direction, and by the time she was about four years old she was a spoiled, tyrannical brat."
"My husband had worked long hours and wasn't home a lot, and she usually behaved well for him so he was largely ignorant of what was going on. He eventually got permission to work from home a couple days a week and that's when he realized how bad things were. He gently took me aside and pointed out that a four year old should not be screaming at their parents after having been asked to perform a simple task."
"I got therapy to help work through my own issues, and together my husband and I came up with a strategy that allowed me to discipline our daughter without physical punishment. (It took a few tries before we found a strategy that worked.) Then covid happened and now my husband works from home four days a week, which has helped immensely. Our daughter is still spoiled, but her behavior has improved a lot over the last few years to the point that she's usually pleasant to be around, lol. She and I are both a work in progress, but so far the whole family is doing better."
"I started a relationship with a wonderful woman who puts everyone else first. She has a heart of gold and is the sweetest person I have met. However, this desire to make everyone happy is not how you parent children. She has a moderately autistic child who is 15 and another child who is 13. She created an environment where they rely on her for everything. The 13 yo can't even make himself toast."
"The 15 yo did whatever he wanted because she was more concerned about him being happy than being independent. So far, I've gotten the child with autism to wear underwear, stop peeing anywhere he wants, stop abusing his mom, to begin feeding himself finger foods, and in general, to listen if we ask him to do something. I need to work on the youngest one to start making himself food and to eat something other than just frozen chicken strips and french fries."
"My husband had this realization a couple of weeks ago about his oldest. He was shocked when we were at the store and I said no to our toddler, he said ok and didn't whine, I praised him for listening and at that moment my husband was like Holy crap, I think he's more confident and independent than his teen sister, I done effed up with her, haven't I? I just shrugged."
"I told him it's not too late, he just need to keep working on it and not feel guilty about the past. Most people didn't expect a 20 some year old guy to step up and take care of a kid by himself, now that he's older he knows better and going forward can work on building a more positive relationship with his oldest kid which I believe will be helpful to her and might even encourage the confidence and independence she'll need one day. But I'm no expert our kid is very young and most days behaves like all toddlers do 😅."
The SonFathers Day Dad GIF by GIPHY Studios OriginalsGiphy
"I realised that, because my daughter was so difficult (I have since found out she has ADHD and Autism, like me her Mum), I was letting my Son away with so much more than I would her."
"It was my fiancé that pointed out to me that I was letting him walk all over me for an easy life so I could focus on my youngest and we have made huge changes in the way we discipline him and as a result he is back to the delightful young man he was in the earlier days. I owe a lot to my fiancé actually!"
Rule number 2...
Parents, don't be afraid to parent. Don't try to heal your wounds by allowing a new generation to just do whatever comes into their minds. Raise decent humans, not make-up versions of you.
Tapped Outsad scream queens GIFGiphy
"My daughter was throwing a fit that her bottle of water was not the brand she wanted so someone asked her why she didn't just drink tap water. Her response was, "what's tap water?" She's 10."
"Would have to be when my daughter was 15. I set up credit card account for her, set the limit to $500 and told her the card was only for emergencies, such as if she was out somewhere and needed an Uber home. Got the bill the first month, the card had been run to it's limit, $125 at a beauty salon, $200 at various clothing stores and multiple fast food runs."
"So I sit her down and say "Didn't I tell you this card was for emergencies?" She looked me in the eye and calmly said, "Yes, and that's all I used it for." I reply, "And getting your hair done and a sale at Hot Topic are emergencies?!?" She replies, "Yes for someone my age, they are." Needless to say her credit card was quickly revoked."
"Not one of those parents. But my mom never learned. She has spoiled my younger sister since she was a toddler. Sister is now in her mid 40's, and is still an entitled b*tch. To make things even better; my mother has been the child care provider (free childcare) for all three of my sister's kids from the time each was born. So now. Not only are my nieces and nephew being raised by a narcissistic mom. But by their grandmother, that made their mom that way in the first place."
"The last Christmas we went to their house, which was years ago now since it was THAT BAD. All three kids were in various stages of meltdowns because they didn't get what they wanted. And that was the year the kids got brand new iPhones. The oldest was 9. The middle was 7. And the youngest was 5. It's funny listening to our mom be confused about how they are all spoiled brats."
"I wouldn't say I spoiled her myself, I traveled a lot and just wasn't there for my daughter as much as I should've been. My ex wife, my mom, my MiL all spoiled the hell out of my daughter. I came to the realization after my divorce. I had my daughter for the weekend. She was 4.5 at this point. Not potty trained yet because god forbid she did something that was different."
"I remember sitting on the floor, trying to get her to use the potty and she's just yelling at me that she wants her diapers back. When she went back to her mother's house I get a phone call from my ex, yelling at me for trying to make her use the potty when she wasn't ready."
"My daughter was 4.5 years old! At that point I knew. Did some research, called a behavior specialist and started to get her on the right track. I love her and she's a pretty amazing child. She's still spoiled as hell. I can only do so much with the time I have with her."
"She bullied kids for not having Gucci, supreme, other designer brands, and the latest apple products."
See there, a whole lot of people need a good role model to set them straight. Again, I happily volunteer. I'm not saying parenting is easy, but a ton of you can certainly do better. For the world's sake.
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Listen, before we even get into this I'm going to set some expectations. We're about to talk about testicles. Like a lot.
Just putting it out there.
That's not to say the whole article is Testes Fest 2021 (please don't, you guys.) but I'm not in the business of lying. This article is not the one for younger readers or anyone who just isn't here for juggling any more balls than they had to.
I'm not sorry for that pun.
Reddit user "SecretariatGodHorse" asked:
Pre"dick"tably, people started out with everything you never knew you needed to know about ... well ... you read my intro. You know what you're getting into.
Let's just go on ahead and get the probing penis questions out of the way now.
New Kinds Of KissesLips Kiss GIFGiphy
"When you use the toilet, does your weenie just hang into the toilet? Do you rest it on the seat? Do you ever get poop splash on your ween?" - misternuggies
"It hangs. Sometimes a splash hits the balls. Poseidon's kiss they call it." - SkeletalElite
"When your tip touches the toilet bowl/rim it's called The Witch's Kiss " - CaptainFeather
All About The ScrunchTrack And Field Dancing GIFGiphy
"What happens to your balls when you run?"
"Are they just banging around? Do they stick between your thighs? Do they end up tucked? I've been dying to know, thanks." - Gettin-liiifted
"The nutsack isn't always floppy. It scrunches up or loosens. They don't flop when scrunched."
"Also Underwear keeps it in place." - LemonWaluigi
"Yeah, this is the answer. Your sack can contract so much, it presses your balls pretty far into your groin area."
"Then they don't dangle. They're just there." - Weikor
An Inconvenient TruthAre You For Real No Way GIF by 1 Play SportsGiphy
"Is it true you really get random boners?" - Kanyesb7889
"Yes. Distressingly often as a teen, but even later on it happens." - SoAngry75
"Constantly... I was told at some point that they would stop... I'm thirty f*cking seven and still waiting for that time I can stand up without having to shift things to hide it...." - kezow
"51 here. Hasn't stopped yet. I'm guessing they won't be able to close the coffin lid when I die at this rate." - gonesnake
Great, now that we've gotten all that out of our systems it's important to remember that men, like all humans, are so much more than their crotch-quirks.
Some may not always like to admit it, but there are hopes, fears, insecurities and genuine emotions happening over there. Of course there are!
Human - to - human, the questions turned into something more interesting. We got examinations of what patriarchy, socialization, and expectations look like in the real world.
In short - it got real.
Throwing Away Your ShotGiphy
"Is it true that guys generally hesitate or avoid going up to and talking women that are super attractive?"
"I mean like a 9 or a 10/10? Is attractiveness/appearance something that makes you stall when 'shooting your shot?' " - hoodfairyy
"Can't speak for all guys, but what I tell myself: 'Why the hell would someone like her be interested in someone like me?' " - LiquidGhost8892
"Absolutely. True story:"
"There was this really pretty girl in my friend group (all young 20-somethings) in San Diego. We'd hang out, go to parties, go to concerts, go to the beach, etc. I never even considered asking her out because she was waaaaay out of my league."
"One night she and I were the last of our group at the bar. She has no car so I offer her a ride home. She invites me in for a beer. Cool."
"We're watching late night tv and she leans her head on my shoulder. Eh, fine... we're buds, right?"
"Then her hand is on my thigh. Weird."
"I turn to look at her and she's looking in my eyes. I ask if she's okay and she says she'd be better if I kissed her. WTF?"
"She's like a 9 and I'm a 6 at best (maybe a Scranton 8). But, F*CK YEAH! We make out for a bit, but when I go to cop a feel she breaks it off and says, 'We've both had a lot to drink. Maybe you should sleep here tonight.' "
"I see I've blown it and say, 'Sure. Thanks.' "
"She heads to the bedroom and I kick off my shoes and stretch out on the couch. A couple of minutes go by and she comes back and says, 'Are you coming?' "
"WHAT THE ACTUAL F*CK IS HAPPENING? But I smoothly go 'Um....yeah.' "
"That was Dec 12, 1981. We married April 3, 1982. Still going strong."
"If it wasn't for her, never would have happened." - CharDeeMacDennisII
For A Smile...Flower Petals GIF by SpongeBob SquarePantsGiphy
"I'm with someone who buys me flowers to make me smile--what would be something I could do similarly for him that is nonsexual that would brighten his day?" - JustFineAnd
"Be the big spoon. Scalp massage. Back rub, not necessarily a massage, either."
"Next time y'all are watching TV in bed or on the couch. Let him lay his head on your chest or lap, and run your fingers through his hair, or just pet his back like a dog. Even better if he's shirtless and you can lightly scratch his back."
"May not seem like much, but it makes a big impact on us, even if we may not immediately show it. For me, it slows my mind. Helps me stop thinking for a while and process the here and now so much better." - Infectious_Cockroach
"Compliment him. He may not show it on the outside, but he's giggling and blushing on the inside." - wamj
ClingySeason 5 Hug GIF by The OfficeGiphy
"How often do men want to be hugged? Does it feels clingy, if a girl offers it every now and then ?" - SpillBeanss
"Cling to me and just never let go. I wouldn't mind. Hugs are great!" - SlamUnited
"I don't know how many guys I speak for but for me being hugged by a girl you're dating or are close with is like getting permission to relax and be happy." - Crionso
"2 situations when someone being clingy has been an issue: when I was going to work and was already late from my schedule and when trying to do a #2."
"Any other time than those, if you're the one I love you could glue or tape yourself to me and I'd be happy." - Betanyymi
What About Your Friends?Season 5 Friends Tv Show GIF by FriendsGiphy
"Do you ever worry about what your friends think of the attractiveness of your girlfriend/wife? Like are you ever worried that people you know don't find her good-looking or judge you for being with her?"
"(This question is obviously coming straight from my insecurities lol.)" - MommaJ94
"I actually did have this fear with my last girlfriend. She was a bigger girl and I wasn't really concerned about what they thought, but just didn't want anyone being judgmental toward her."
"It's hard to explain, I wasn't ashamed of her or anything, just hate the thought of people judging her by her appearance." - saddestclaps
"I have never once asked my friends their opinions on my significant other's appearance, and I have never offered my opinion on theirs. And now that I think about it, I haven't really had an opinion on their looks by means to judge them." - secret-hero
Commitment CommentsRunning Away Bake Off GIF by The Great British Bake OffGiphy
"What makes you want to commit (be exclusive, or get married) does it have anything to do with your partner or more of 'I have to be ready within myself first?' " - Secretly_Uninhibited
"I didn't want to commit to someone who was clearly ready to commit to me if I wasn't ready and could somehow end up wasting their time." - Langhof
"I pushed my wife away for a while, not cut I didn't like her, just wasn't ready for a serious relationship. We've been married for 10, together for about 15." - LostOldAccountTimmay
There's a lot more in the thread, but there's only so much article time you can devote to erections, hugs, and that one guy whose now-wife is the real MVP.
Shout out to that lady. We applaud you, sis.
When you go on a job interview, the last thing you probably never think about is asking a question.
But we should also be prepared and ready to ask the right questions to have a leg up on the competition.
"What is THE best question to ask on a job interview?"
A company's history or information about a past employee were suggested subjects appropriate for questioning.
"When you were interviewing here, what would you have liked to know before you joined?"
"This worked for me. I asked my interviewer a question about how she had personally dealt with a company policy she had just explained. She bragged about her stellar adherence to the policy. I nodded my approval. I got the job."
A Previous Employee
"One that has always gone over well for me:"
"What were some qualities that the previous employee in this role brought to the job that you would like to see carried forward?"
"Another good thing to do is research the company you are interviewing with and you can ask things about what they may be involved in or you could drop that while reading about the company, you wondered this."
Hypothetical questions were suggested as helpful examples of inquiry.
Indicators Of How Companies Treat Employees
"A question that landed me a job once was: 'If I asked your direct reports about your management style, what do you think they'd tell me?' Stumped a hiring manager and he emailed me personally to tell me about it, no one ever asked him that question but got the job.
"In my current interviews I'm asking 'what did your company do for its employees during [the virus] to improve their day to day, work life balance, etc.' and I ask 'Is there anything your company adopted during [the virus] that they plan to keep post [the virus]?"
"These questions give a lot of insight into whether a company treated their employees well."
Past Performance & Adjustments
"If we were currently sitting in my 1 year review, what would I have done in this year for you to say I excelled in my role?"
"If I could snap my finger right now and change anything about your job or the company, what would it be and why?"
The following questions about a prospective company may not be answered from initial digging on their website.
Measure Of Success & Career Trajectories
"How is success measured in this role?"
"What are some possible career trajectories within the company that could stem from this position?"
Being A Solution
"Ask them what is the biggest problem you can solve for them in your first six months with the company. Similar to 'don't think of a purple hippo,' this forces them to imagine you succeeding in the position."
"What do you like best about working here?"
Simply The Best
"Who is your best employee and why is he/she the best?"
"You will then face 2 situations mostly:"
"panicking CEO who can't answer you 'Bob who works 17 hours a day for a slice of bread' so the fear in their faces must be a big nono for you"
"entusiast CEO who actually follow their business and can tell you who is an added value for the company and why."
My experiences with job interviews are different than others seeking work in office environments.
Having had a years-long career as a dancer, my "interview" was the dance audition, where hopefuls dance in small groups of people at a time after learning a routine and then awaiting their fate after the panel evaluates their performances.
The question I may or may not have asked in such a scenario earlier in my career was: "Did I make the cut?"
I did not make the cut. And I learned never to ask that again.