Life is a minefield. There are bombs ready to explode everywhere. And sometimes we are the bombs! We are prone to injury and most of the time our injuries are caused by our own ineptitude. How some of us survive past puberty is a miracle. But every scar has a story and they are some wild tales.
Twice a Fool...Giphy
Twisted my ankle jumping off a trampoline in a gym once as a kid. That wasn't the stupid injury though. The stupid part was that I jumped again which resulted in two fractures. Unsound_M
Dislocated all of my fingers, my knee, and my shoulder trying to drain spaghetti noodles.
Luckily the finger dislocations meant I held onto the pot so I didn't also drop it and splash boiling water all over myself. Pot was too heavy and pulled all of my fingers out, I couldn't let go since they freeze up when they dislocate so I turned around to try to put it on the counter and dislocated my knee turning too fast and pulled my shoulder out lifting it back up to the counter.
I should note I have Ehlers Danlos, so dislocating is just an every day thing. My boyfriend just had to take the pot away from me so I could sit down and fix everything. PostItFrustrations
Just like Harry....
I was sleeping one afternoon, and all my weight had fallen on my arm. As a result, my arm fell asleep too and got dead numb.
The phone started ringing and the sound somehow blended in my dream, causing me to dream about a fire alarm going off. I got panicked in my sleep and that panic continued when I realized that the ringing wasn't just in my dream, it was happening for real. So I popped up, sleepy and confused, and started running towards the source of the noise.
Comically enough, my arm was so numb that it was beyond my control and was flailing randomly by my side, crashing onto nearby walls and furniture as I was running towards the sound. It was like running with a jelly-like arm, like the one Harry Potter had in HP and the Chamber of Secrets when Lockheart deboned it accidentally.
Anyway, I don't know which of the billion crashes and bumps was the one that did the job, but that's how I dislocated my pinky. It was a good hit, and my finger stood at a really weird angle afterwards, so I had to go to the doctor to put it back in its place. Hurt like a bitch too. I_hate_traveling
Right so if you're like me when there is a railing on a path you'll slide your hand across it for some unknown reason, well I once tried this on a spiked fence and cut my hand open because my brain just inserted the smooth rail on top of it. I usually slide my hand against them because they allow it and I guess it's cathartic, it was me being an idiot, I didn't fall i just went to slide my hand across it and it cut my hand open. Wilddagz
Found a poisonous snake with my brother (I was 14). He ran away and I yelled "you're a wussy!" as I bent down to pick it up. It bit me and I had to spend 9 days in the hospital. TotesYouGoats
During the brief period in history when "planking" was a thing, I planked across the bench seats of a 15 passenger van and tore my bottom rib off of the muscle. To this day it's all floaty and weird and constantly reminds me what an idiot I am.
I'm a drummer. I was on the road and a full grown foolish man. greyfell_red
When in Bali....
I was in Bali. As many stupid tourists do I had a (pretty minor, thank God) vespa crash where I bumped into another vespa and hurt my leg. That night, I drunkenly stepped backwards off a metre high deck straight onto the same foot. With a very bruised and painful leg, the next day I walked directly into a pot plant and split open the shin of the same leg. I'm a liability. nonnikcamvil
I sucked at sports in high school. A kid on the opposite team threw a dodgeball I tried to catch, ended up breaking my thumb. It didn't really hurt, but it sure as hell wasn't supposed to bend that way. PyukumukuIsGod
I was playing king of the docks as a teen and somehow broke my pinkie toe, didn't even notice til the next day. GangstaCrayon
Screaming epileptic hedgehog....
My sister yanked her arm out of the socket by trying to remove her zipped-up winter jacket with her feet.
She lay on her back on the neighbor's porch, lifted both feet inside of the jacket, and kicked hard. When I found her, her feet were still tucked in her jacket and she was rolling on her back like a screaming epileptic hedgehog. Upvotespoodles
I broke my arm when I was about 8 due to falling out of a treehouse wearing roller skates. ejpierle