Small towns make for the best stories, don't they? The ability of a small group of people to close ranks and pretend nothing happened is mystifying. See, I grew up in Manhattan - where there was no way small town style secrets were happening. We may not snitch to any authorities, but we absolutely know and we absolutely talk about it while we're in line to get a slice. New Yorkers know, we just tend not to care. We don't have time to judge or keep secrets for generations - we're busy checking the MTA to see where the f*@! our train is at.
Small towns, though... that's where the secretive magic happens. One Reddit user asked:
Whats a small town dark secret you know?
Get your popcorn, folks. There's enough murder and mayhem in here for a Tarantino film; and Satan makes an appearance more than once! Here are some of the more popular responses.
Arson And The Town's Image
When I was a firefighter we had an arsonist in the city. They would walk around at night until they found a garage door that was left open, and then they'd start a fire in the garage. It did not matter if the residents were home or not.
We had no leads other than it was a college student, as there was a discernible pattern of the fires stopping during winter and summer breaks.
The police, fire department, and the highest levels of local government worked to keep the nature of fires a secret as they were worried about how it would impact the town's image. So, instead of telling people to close their garage doors at night, nearly 20 families lost their homes. The arsonist was never caught, and presumably is still lighting fires in some other town.
Satanic Lesbians?
The "Devil House."
Now, it had been around my hometown for decades. Enough different generations of kids had their own mythos. I had an English teacher that went to the same school in the late 80s. By then it was vacant but someone had painted a pentagram on the wall. You had to know where it was. Pull over on the old highway coming in to town at a certain point. There was no driveway or anything, but you could see a gate if you knew where to look. Then you go into the woods a bit and BAM, it almost appears out of nowhere on you. That's how well it was hidden. For the most part, every high school class would have a couple of people venture out to see it and leave their own small mark. Everyone was just sure Satanists or witches were meeting there occasionally.
But later, I found out the real story from my Dad. I'd asked him, but he didn't make the connection between that house's original purpose and the later myths until I showed him. The reason that hidden house was built was for a former wealthy farmer's lesbian daughter. Didn't have the heart to disown her, so he hid her away there in the late 60s. Because 60s, there were some wild parties out there and girls were "converted" to lesbianism (read, already knew damn well they were gay) so of course that small southern town assumed the devil was behind it.
The Makeout Mines
There are these old abandoned mines (as in mineral mines- think man-made caves in the side of a mountain) near my hometown town where kids used to go to smoke weed and make out before they put metal gates over them.
When I was in high school there was this huge thing where a cop went missing, car and all, while he was on-duty. He just didn't show up at shift change. (This was before gps and smart phones etc.) People thought he'd been killed by gang members or something (there were no gangs in the town but everyone was convinced that they came down from the nearest big city to do crimes).
Eventually they announced, they found him, accidental death, very sad. Wife & young kids etc.
What wasn't in the news, but everyone knew through word-of-mouth: he and another cop's wife were having an affair and they were found in his patrol car in one of the makeout mines, dead of carbon monoxide poisoning.
The Famous Addict
My hometown has a "famous" drug addict - i.e. everyone knows who he is, he's lived there for ~70 years and his crimes are town gossip. Most of the time it's small stuff: Stolen bikes (and once a canoe) that he just leaves somewhere, living in a park when he doesn't feel like going home for a few days, shit like that. He's mostly seen as a harmless, funny character. His brain is seriously damaged after hard drug use since his early teens.
What is rarely mentioned is that when he still had a house he used to steal dogs and beat them to death in his basement.
- DaJoW
"Accidental Shooting"
This was in a small town, generally run by a half dozen big family names that almost act like redneck mafia families / cartels. If you're related to one of those families, you can figuratively get away with murder... and sometimes quite literally.
Years back, one of the locals "R", was supposedly out deer hunting & drinking, and noticed a "not from around here" guy out horse riding in the woods. R just shot him and left him out in the woods to die... either for shits and giggles, or because the guy was "from California", as R likes to claim. He tends to gets drunk and brags about it frequently, so it's more common knowledge than a secret... nothing has ever been done though, since he's from one of the "big families" in the area, and is related to several officers, a former judge, and a decent chunk of the town. The cops never bothered investigating - just said it was an accidental shooting, and there was no evidence or suspects.
Same story they gave when some kids found a couple dead migrant workers in a drainage ditch behind the high school my senior year - cops just said "we'll never know" and that was it.
God, I hate that town.
Attacking A Pony
A few months ago there was a brief media kerfuffle in the local papers about someone breaking into a barn and "attacking" a pony.
- JakeGrey
Sh*t In The Sink
I live in a super small town (see all the same people constantly). And back in the 80s there was a group of guys my mom went to high school with who were rumored to have killed this poor old man in town and rob his house blind of drugs and nice belongings. They got away clean except for one of the idiots decided to shit in the sink. The police collected the sample but at the time there wasn't the technology to find out who the shit belonged to. Well around 10-15 years later they finally had the technology and they tested that sample. They found out who it belonged to and the guy ended up in prison after getting away with it for so long.
Swinging Satanists
Back in the 80s they'd closed down the old middle school in my town and built a new one fairly close to it. Because the building wasn't that run down, they'd let the little league (grades 2-6) teams practice in the old school and leave big kids alone at the new school. I'm not really sure how, but a rumor started that there was a satanist club underneath the gym. People claimed they could hear chanting and loud banging noises from under the floor and it freaked everyone tf out so the school mostly stopped using it.
I found out the truth recently from my friend's mom. Apparently some locals ran a swingers club down there and she knew because went once just to see what it was like.
"I Heard The Gunshot."
At my high school, years ago, we had a kid commit suicide with a gun in the annex bathroom during school. It was awful and everybody was distraught that something like this would happen.
What they didn't tell people, which I know now because my parents were administrators at the time, is that the suicide was an accident. He hid a shotgun in the ceiling over a toilet and the investigators determined that the gun shot would was not that of someone who was intentionally trying to kill themselves. He also had more ammo and homemade explosive devices in his locker.
Basically, he was about to go ape shit on my school but shot himself trying to retrieve his weapon from the bathroom ceiling.
All of the news reports and letters sent home said that he was disturbed and sadly killed himself at school. My parents waited a few years to tell me but it gives me goosebumps to this day. I was in gym class, which was the closest room with people in it. I heard the gunshot.
- Pruzzy24
Technically Legal, Still Super Creepy
One of our high-school gym teachers does this thing where he sleeps with girls at their graduation parties (if they're of age).
A lot of people know about it. He's done nothing illegal that we know of, but it's super creepy considering he's their teacher from ~13-18.
The Cattle Fortune
In my small town, three men stole an incredibly large amount of cattle and sold them off, making a small fortune.
They bought some land and built three houses for their families on it. After the construction of the homes and a few months had gone by somehow the police got wind that they were the perpetrators of the crime.
When they got wind of the investigation one of them went to the police to take the fall for all of them. He went to jail for over a decade and when he got out, his family and friends were waiting for him. His other two partners had ensured that everything with his estate was taking care of, that his kids and wife had everything they needed, and that his home always stayed in perfect condition. He took care of them, so they took care of him and his.
Now that he has done the time for the crime, they all live out on the same property together, each guy raising his own family and with a common large swimming pool for all of their kids.
The Pastor And The Grieving Mother
Married man has affair, rumor mill starts churning, both cheaters leave their spouses and run off together, leaving young children behind. Not terribly uncommon, I know. Slightly more unusual was the cheating woman was a grieving mother in our church whose son had recently died and the philandering man in question was our pastor.
Kidnapping Grown Men
In the last few years grown men have been disappearing off the street where I live. They vanish at very odd times of night, usually bar hours. People always excuse their disappearances as them getting drunk and trying to stumble home, falling in the lake/river or snowbank and just never getting found.
There was one man that they did find though - 3 months after his disappearance, in a lake town 45 minutes away from where he was last spotted walking on foot looking really drunk. They found him face down in a lake in an area where supposedly he had no relatives or friends.
Recently, a 20-something-year-old came out with a post on Facebook about how he was roofied at a bar in town. He's a big guy who was hanging out with all of his friends. His friends were getting ready to leave and they noticed him acting weird so they called an ambulance for him.
Some motherf*cker is out there kidnapping grown ass men in my area.
The Right Supplier
Knew a small town that was ruled by a cop whose son dealt drugs. People who were found in possession were punished hard, but if they managed to identify the supplier with a certain truck and a certain description they got let off and told forcefully to shut the fuck up. Was a country town. Lots of open space...
- [deleted]
Small Town Church
Used to go to a church in a small town. The pastor's son was a pedophile, there's no other way to say it. He was close to 30, and started dating a girl in the church when she was 13. They kept the relationship under wraps until she was about 17. They had sex in the church basement.
He got involved with the youth choir as a way to get friendly with the other underage girls. His parents knew about it the entire time. Pastor's son finally messed with the wrong girl and she got the law involved. When it got out, the pastor swept it under the rug and said that his son was very sorry and God had now made him a changed man, and begged the other churchgoers to forgive him.
He got caught two more times, each time the pastor insisting that he'd really changed this time. His son would put on this big show, crocodile tears at the alter, thanking everyone profusely for giving him another chance. Needless to say, our family hightailed it out of there quick.
I just caught word that he's in jail now for a probation violation. I'm sure he violated more than his probation.
No Electricity, Yes Chocolate
An autistic man in his 70s lives in the centre of the village with no electricity or running water. He lives off ice cream and chocolate, and spends his days collecting wood to burn in his fireplace. He has no caretaker. Nobody does anything to help him all that often. Although it's not really a secret, because everybody knows...
Scared For Him
One of the ladies in a neighboring town has had 3 husbands die... All under "mysterious" circumstances. She comes from a very... Italian family. She's collected multiple multi-million insurance payouts, as well as inheriting multiple millions.
She recently started dating a friend of mine, who is just getting separated from his wife.
I'm scared for him. (Yes, I've mentioned it to him - he knew already)
Richie's Statue
There's a statue in my town that made for a man named Richie when he died, who was well known in our town.
The sort of "unspoken secret" is that in life, everyone knew him, and tried to avoid him because he wouldn't leave anyone alone. People let him do whatever he wanted since he was a bit challenged. He didn't understand boundaries or social conventions very well. As an example, he would walk behind bank counters when transactions were being processed, and people wouldn't say anything to him. He just kept talking to everyone. People avoided him, and talked how annoying he was, but in death, they dedicated a statue to him because they felt bad.
A Foreign Minor
The year before I moved here a man, who lived in one of the nicest houses in town, was discovered to have kidnapped and kept a foreign (I can't remember where she was from) minor captive.
She was able to escape and knock on doors to save herself.
I was told this by multiple people but have not been able to find any media coverage which isn't unusual. It's a very conservative area and there are reporting laws that protect children in media coverage as well.
- People Explain What Their Hometown Is Most Famous For - George Takei ›
- Kidnapping Survivors Share How They Escaped - George Takei ›
- People Divulge Their Darkest Family Secrets - George Takei ›
- People Divulge The Worst Things To Happen In Their Small Town... - George Takei ›
- People Confess How They Really Feel About Monogamy - George Takei ›
People Reveal Whether They Let Their Dog Sleep On Their Bed Or Not
Reddit user Piggythelavasurfer asked: 'Do you let your pet sleep in your bed? Why/why not?'
Not all pet owners have the same relationship with their pets.
While anyone who decides to become a pet owner, or pet parent as some say, love their pets equally, some never ever let them leave their side.
Taking their pet with them to work, running errands, even on vacations.
Many pet parents even allow their pets to share their bed with them when going to sleep.
For others though, this is where a line is finally drawn.
Redditor Piggythelavasurfer was curious to hear whether pet owners allowed their pets to share their bed with them, as well as the reasons why they do/don't, leading them to ask:
"Do you let your pet sleep in your bed? Why/why not?"
The Tiny Issue Of Water...
"Absolutely not."
"I have fish."- Senior-Meal3649
Everyone Gets Lonely Eventually...
"I adopted an eleven year old cat the day before Halloween."
"She has mostly lived in my closet since I got her, and she hasn’t been too interested in coming out."
"Last night, she came out of my closet and jumped up on my bed, and crawled under my covers and curled up by my feet to sleep."
"I was so happy!"- YellowBeastJeep
The Comforting Reminder That You're Not Alone...
"I recently lost my Greyhound but I used to let him sleep on my bed with me."
"The company was nice and he was no trouble to have on my bed."- HoodedMenace3
What Do You Mean Allow?
"I have no choice."
"She is a cat, cats do whatever they want."- Small_cat1412
"He lets me sleep in my bed."- Poorly-Drawn-Beagle
Wouldn't Have It Any Other Way
"I carry my old boy upstairs to bed every night."- worst_in_show
Who Needs An Alarm Clock?
"I let my two cats sleep with me."
"They're so full of love and just want cuddles all the time."
"And so do I."
"We've all developed a lil routine."
"Get to bed, oldest sleeps on my feet to keep them warm, youngest lies in my arm while I lie on my side (she the little spoon), then when I snooze my alarm for work in the morning the youngest paws at my face and meeps loudly to wake me up."- GhostofaFlea_
Whose Bed Is It Anyway?
"Yes."
"They're also kind enough to let me squeeze into whatever space they've left for me."
"Although I do get a few dirty looks off them."- Therealkaylor
"I found this tiny kitten screaming her head off under a car."
"Would not come out."
"Got some food and some water in dishes."
"I stood by the tire so she couldn't see my feet."
"She got curious about the food and water and started gobbling it down."
"I thought she would bolt when I squatted down."
"She was too busy eating."
"I grabbed her by the nape of the neck and all four legs went straight out and she tried to scratch me to death."
"I got her in the door and tossed her toward the couch."
"She ricocheted off the couch as if she was a ping pong off a table and I lost sight of her."
"I put out food and water and a sandbox and did not see that kitten for three days."
"On the third day, I came home and she was on my bed pillow."
"I thought she would bolt when I came near, but she didn't."
"I wanted to sleep so I tried to scoot her little butt off my pillow."
"She would not go."
"I put my head down to sleep and that is the way it was from then on."
"She ran the roost."- Logical_Cherry_7588
Sleeping Is A Prerequisite...
"No, he's a cat and he cannot keep still during the night."
"He walks across the headboard, opens the closet doors, jumps into the windows and rustles the blinds, etc."
"If he would sleep he could stay, but alas, he's a ramblin' man."- Spong_Durnflungle
Saying No Just Isn't An Option...
"'Let'."
"Lol."
"It's a cat's world and I'm happy to be on her good side."- milaren
Felines Only!
"The cat does, the dog doesn't and the horse certainly does not either."- Xcrowzz
Is That My Hair On That Pillow?
"My dog is perfect."
"She comes up, cuddles til we start to fall asleep, then gets down to sleep on her bed so she doesn't get too hot."
"Jumps back up in the early morning for wake up cuddles."
"The hair everywhere is the only downside but she is so cozy, what can you do."- HoodieWinchester
It is easy to understand how some people are able to fall asleep more easily knowing their friend and protector is there, in bed, with them.
Though we can't blame others who don't want to run the risk of being scratched or bitten in the middle of the night either...
The old wives' tales.
They are the stories of legend.
I think we all need a big DEEP Google dive though.
Where did they originate?
WHO ARE THE OLD WIVES!
You don't hear about them as much anymore.
It's like science and logic are suddenly a thing.
But they sure are a good way to keep your kids and their behavior in line.
Redditor the_spring_goddess wanted to discuss the tall tales we've all been fed through life, so they asked:
"What is an old wives tale that people still believe?"
"Wait an hour to swim after eating."
What a crock!
So many summer hours wasted.
I want revenge for that one.
Say Nothing
"An undercover cop has to tell you he's a cop if you ask him."
LonelyMail5115
"Pretty much most advice when it comes to cops are old wives tales. I’m not even a cop but most of the advice you hear is pretty off."
I_AM_AN_A**HOLE_AMA
Say Something
"That you have to wait 24 hours to report someone missing."
Severe_Airport1426
"I really think this one is important and should be the top regardless. As it’s a piece of advice that needs to be relearned and the only way to do that is through awareness."
crappycurtains
"This used to be true. I think they changed it after some guy named Brandon went missing back in the '80s or '70s. You used to have to wait 24 hours if the missing person was an adult because they had 'a right to be missing' and then everyone realized that was stupid and stopped doing it."
AlbinoShavedGorilla
Body Temps
"That drinking ice cold water after eating oily foods will solidify the oil and permanently remain in your body. I informed my coworker that if your body temperature ever reached that point, you’d have bigger problems than weight gain."
chriseo22
"Oh, I have a cousin who 100% believed this. One of those guys who believed every early 2000s internet rumor and old wives tale. One night I chugged a big glass of ice water after dinner and he started freaking out and saying my guts were gonna harden."
"I sarcastically told him to drive me to the hospital if that happened. Obviously, nothing happened and the next morning I said something like 'Thanks for being on standby in case my guts filled with hardened oil.' He just walked off muttering under his breath."
apocalypticradish
Arms Down
"When I was pregnant, I was told by young and old alike that I should NOT raise my arms above my head or exert myself in such a manner because it could cause cord strangulation to my unborn sons and daughters."
Fatmouse84
10 Years Actually
"Chewing gum stays in your stomach for 7 years."
"I remember accidentally swallowing a piece of gum when I was a kid in like 1995 and just accepting my fate like welp, gonna have this in my stomach til high school I guess."
Gecko-911
I was so afraid to sallow my gum when I was young.
This tale is haunting.
High/Low
"You can tell the sex of the baby by how you carry."
LeastFormal9366
"Pregnancy certainly wins awards for the most old wives tales. So much absolute BS was repeated to us by everyone we talked to."
IllIIIlIllIlIIlIllI
The Cursed
"If you’re a woman and you wear opal jewelry but opal is not your birthstone (October), you’ll never be able to have children, or will be widowed, or just generally have bad luck or something. You can counteract this by having a diamond in the same piece of jewelry as the opal, though."
"I have a nice opal ring that my parents gave me years ago, and I’ve had other women give me this 'advice' unprompted more than once when I’ve worn it. I have absolutely no idea where it started, but I’m pretty sure this little chunk of silicate rock has no concept of what month I was born in, let alone of how my reproductive organs work."
SmoreOfBabylon
Stay In
"Going outside with wet hair will make you get pneumonia. Or an earache. Or maybe arthritis. Depends on which old wife you listen to."
"Jokes on them - I haven't blow-dried my hair in decades and usually leave the house with wet hair in the morning. On winter mornings, the tips of my hair get frozen. No ear infections or pneumonia or arthritis yet."
worldbound0514
Dreams and Facts
"You never make anyone up in your dreams you've seen everyone in your dreams somewhere else before and never make anyone up entirely."
"How would you possibly prove that to be true? My partner adamantly believes this and tells me this 'fact' whenever I have a dream about someone I've never met before."
mattshonestreddit
"My late wife used to tell me that before she met me she would have dreams of standing at an alter on her wedding day but could never see the guy's face, no matter how hard she tried. After meeting me the face was filled in with mine. Don't know if it's true but one of those things I like thinking of every now and then when I miss her."
Darthdemented
Cracked
"Some people still believe cracking knuckles causes arthritis."
Choice-Grapefruit-44
"There's a doctor (Donald Unger) that cracked his knuckles a couple of times a day for 60 years, but only on one hand, just to prove it. Both hands remained exactly the same."
MacyTmcterry
I love my knuckles.
Do you have any tall tales to add to the list? Let us know in the comments below.
A lot of workers daydream about some day winning the lottery and being able to say goodbye to their job.
Far too many workers are unhappy with their job duties, workplace dynamics or company culture.
But with a taste for luxuries like housing and food, they keep plugging away, year after year.
However not everyone feels that way about their job.
So what are these compelling careers?
Reddit user BITE_AU_CHOCOLAT asked:
"People who wouldn't quit their job even if you won the lottery, what's your job?"
Cup Of Joe
"Barista is my main regular job."
"I f*cking love it."
"I love being able to talk to people all day and making cute little swans or whatever in people's drinks."
~ Low_Perception9046
Cleaning Up
"Janitor."
"Hours are good, work is easy, people are mostly nice."
"Something to keep me busy."
~ IHate2ChooseUserName
Fun With Chemistry
"I develop chemical sensors."
"I would buy the company and work half time."
"The joy of solving the types of problems that come up is fun."
~ BadDadWhy
Helping Children
"When I win the lottery I’ll still work but I’ll probably go to part time."
"I work with children with special needs—my job is rewarding and special."
"I love working with kids."
"Plus I’m too young to 'retire' and not work, I’ll get bored."
~ No-Section3226
Doing Dos
"I do hair."
"Love it!"
"Gives me purpose."
~ Hyperboleballad
Feeding The Hungry
"I'm actually a chef at my local homeless shelter."
"My dream job, even with an advanced degree."
"I'd not quit this if I won 3 lotteries."
"I would, however, cut a fat check to my organization and my sister organizations."
~ subwooferofthehose
Angel Of Mercy
"Nursing."
"I kind of still like it."
"I'd probably back off to part time if I won big."
~ LadyVaresa
Sweet Beats
"I'm a musician."
"Basically I have what for most people is a dream job, which makes me a non-representative specimen."
"On the other hand, I still occasionally work as a paramedic, and as rewarding as that job can be, I'm mostly doing it when I want to grab some extra cash."
"I'd probably let my certs expire if I was rich."
~ loose_lady_lutenist
Healing
"I'm a doctor."
"A great portion of my income is already donated to my hospital's program that expands access to low-income patients."
"I'd probably give 100% of my income to the program if I won and use the lottery winnings for living."
~ Shiblets
DIY
"I recondition (light remodeling) apartments after tenants move out."
"I’m alone all day and I can listen to podcasts or books, the work is very satisfying to me, and as a woman I’ve loved learning HVAC, plumbing, and electrical work as I use the experience in my own home when things break/need updating."
"I would go crazy without working anyway but I really do love my job."
~ Dependent-Bass-2043
All Creatures Great And Small
"Kennel attendant."
"I’ll never willingly turn my back on these animals."
~ RathGodofWar
No Business Like Show Business
"I’m the Assistant Director for a Children’s Theatre."
"It’s really not something you do for the money."
"You do it because you love it and can’t imagine your life without it."
~ RamblingsOfaMadCat
Fostering Futures
"I work in addiction recovery."
"It means a lot to me."
"I wouldn’t quit if I won the lottery, but I would go part time."
~ randtcouple
A Stitch In Time
"I teach people how to sew, mostly kids but we have a few adult classes as well."
"It is stressful but also so rewarding to see a room full of people who have learned a skill from you and can take home a bunch of goodies."
"Sewing is a dying skill so we need to teach it more!"
~ Interesting-Chest520
Saving Lives
"National Suicide Prevention Lifeline."
"I love the job. It’s stressful at times but also very rewarding."
~ MaryKathGallagher
Many people stated they might cut back to part-time or donate their salary, but a significant number of people had no plans to stop working.
However some would change their job focus or profession.
So, would you keep working after a lottery win?
Some people stand firmly stand behind their beliefs that everyone would benefit from therapy and that therapy is life-changing.
It's because of the totally life-changing truth bombs their therapist had dropped during their sessions.
Curious, Redditor anonymiss0018 asked:
"What is a little bombshell your therapist dropped in one of your sessions that completely changed your outlook?"
Communication Issues
"'If you don’t have these problems with any other person in your life, why do you think you’re the problematic person in this one?'"
- maggiebear
"I love this. I have a 'friend' who I always seem to run into misunderstandings with. Every time we had a conversation, it somehow turned into a debate even if it was me talking about my day. The conversations were never easy."
"I always evaluate myself first and take into consideration his critiques. He was very good at convincing me that I was contradicting myself or wasn't good at communicating my thoughts."
"I NEVER had this issue with ANYONE else in my life. I kept trying to figure out where the miscommunication was coming from. In the end, I just minimized contact and now I don't run into this issue."
- chobani_yo
"I read this quote somewhere once (and probably have it a bit wrong): 'It's a waste of time arguing with someone who is determined to misunderstand you.'"
Emotional Regulation
"'You can’t control your emotions, but you can control what you do with them.'"
"At the time, I was a young adult who had learned zero healthy emotional regulation skills (only suppression and shaming) growing up, so this blew my mind."
- lil_mermaid
Tough Relationships
"'It sounds to me like you are trying to convince yourself to stay with your girlfriend. I'm not so sure it should be so difficult.'"
"At the time he said this, I remember it was like he said, 'The earth is flat.' I thought he was crazy when he suggested relationships don't need to be difficult. But eventually, I started to realize I was trying to change myself to stay with this person rather than just being who I am."
"It took me three more months to finally break up with her but from that day on, I vowed to never again abandon myself just to be with someone I had convinced myself was better than me."
- metric88
High-Stress Situation
"I was at a high-stress time, and I asked her how people live like this."
"She replied, 'Oftentimes they have cardiac events.' She said it as an urging to care for myself as much as possible."
- KittenGr8r
The End of Alcohol
"I was struggling with my alcoholism, and we were discussing how I had been cutting back."
"She asked what I would consider success, with regard to my drinking."
"I said I wanted to get to a point where it wasn't interfering with my daily life. I wanted to just be able to have a glass of wine at holiday dinners or family gatherings."
"She simply asked me why. Why was it important for me to drink at those times?"
"It was as if she'd turned on a light. Alcohol had always been a key ingredient in every family function, for my entire life. When I smell bourbon, I think of my uncle. When I smell vermouth, I think of my dad. Alcohol ran through almost every happy childhood memory."
"But, even more than that, I was very afraid of the explanation I'd have to give when family and friends asked why I wasn't having a drink. I had tried to quit before but failed. What if I admitted my problem, only to fall off the wagon?"
"When she asked why I didn't want to completely quit, it was the first time I saw that last part of the big picture. I'd be willing to drink myself to death in order to avoid being scrutinized, or judged for possible future failures."
"That was the day I quit. I've been sober since May 6th, 2017. 2,407 days."
- sophies_wish
Acceptance vs. Enjoyment
"'Accepting something doesn’t mean you have to like it.'"
"That took away a lot of my inner conflicts about situations because I could accept a situation without expending energy internally fighting against the injustice of it."
- alibelloc
Emotionally Immature Parents
"You are not responsible for your parents' emotional wellbeing. They are independent adults who have been on this earth for many more years than you."
- SmokedPears
Not So Lazy
"'Why do you think you're lazy?' Then she listed off all the things she knows I'm doing for my family, my job, and my life."
"It kind of blew my mind when I struggled to come up with an example."
"She also described family dysfunction as water. Some families are messed up in a way that everyone can see the huge waves across the surface. Others are better at hiding it, but there's still a riptide that you can't see unless you're also in the water."
"It made me realize that trying to keep the surface from ever rippling doesn't erase what is happening underneath."
- flybyknight665
The Harm in People-Pleasing
"'Why do you make people more comfortable when you are uncomfortable?' when talking about people pleasing and fawning."
- ERsandwich
Agree to Disagree
"'Stop trying to get everyone to agree. When you need everyone to agree, the least agreeable person has all the power.'"
This really changed my outlook on planning family events."
- freef
Grieve and Start Anew
"For context, I had a major TBI (traumatic brain injury), seizures, strokes, and all around not a fun brain time when I was 28."
"They said, 'You have to grieve the loss of yourself.'"
"Most people wanted me to go back to how I was. The f**ked up truth is that part of my brain is dead. The person everyone (including myself) knew died. I needed to grieve the loss of myself."
- squeaktoy_la
Multifaceted Identity
"They told me that my job and career is just a way to make money; it's not my life or identity. That took a lot of pressure off me."
- unfairpegasus
Breaking the Cycle
"They validated me."
"'You always talk about not wanting to do to your daughters what your mom did to you. You worry about it so much in every interaction you have ever had with them."
"But your children are 19 and 21 now. They are happy and healthy and they trust you because you’ve never abused them in any way. So I just want to validate for you that you really have broken that cycle of violence."
"You did that. And you should be proud of it. I’m proud of you for it.'"
- puppsmcgee74
The Grieving Process
"I was constantly bringing up how I felt like a completely different person after my mom died... like there was a marked difference between before and after her death."
"But once, she was asking about my hobbies, I got really into describing all the things I loved to do or at least used to do before I got into a deep depression."
"She was like, 'Wow, you seem very passionate.'"
"And I just sat there like, 'Well, I mean, I can't change what I like to do, they're still fun to do.'"
"And it's like she knew when to take a step back, because it was like, wow, I may be super depressed about my mom passing, but I'm still me. I'm still my passions and those don't go away."
"I don't know, maybe it only makes sense to be, but it really started getting me back on track."
- Hannibal680
Sharing the Load
"I've never really had friends. I've had colleagues and classmates and housemates and people who have hung out with me, but I never really felt close to any of them."
"And I did that thing you see on here sometimes; I stopped reaching out to see if I would be reached out to, and I wasn't, which I took as confirmation that they didn't really want me around, or at the very least, that they wouldn't mind my absence."
"I was talking to my therapist about people I'd been close to in college, and she told me to pick one and talk about him. So I did. After I shared some basic stuff like his name and his major etc., and a couple of anecdotes, she asked me what else I knew about him."
"And I couldn't answer. It wasn't really a broadly applicable bombshell, but she said, 'What else?' and I started crying because I realized that for as simple as the question was, my inability to answer spoke volumes."
"I've never had good friends because I've never been a good friend. I'm withdrawn and reserved and I always made others do the work to drag me out, without ever extending my own friendship in a meaningful way in return. If I wanted to have meaningful relationships with other people, I would have to build them."
"I'm still working on this, but I'm trying to make more offers and extend more friendliness to others in my daily life."
- Backupusername
The discoveries in this thread were incredibly touching and profound; it's no wonder these were lasting concepts for these Redditors.
It's important to keep ourselves open to inspiration and insights from others, as we have no idea how their experiences could help us, or how we could help them.