Since everybody has secrets, it makes sense that pretty much every family would have a secret or two as well. For most of us it's probably something relatively tame. Then there are the jucier things - like how some people have that one auntie who has had 3 husbands die on her... all in bed. ("Some people" may or may not be me.)
One reddit user opened up a serious can of worms when they asked:
Fam, Reddit does not disappoint when they're asked to get dark. Some of the answers were so bad we didn't feel comfortable sharing them here. What we did share is full of things that some readers might find disturbing. There are stories of rape, murder, suicide, child abandonment, and more.
Proceed with caution.
I was the family secret. My biological parents started having kids as teenagers. For context, when my biological mom found out she was pregnant with me, she was 21 and I was their 4th child. They quickly realized they needed to get their act together. They were already struggling financially, had countless drug issues, etc. They decided that they were going to put me up for adoption. I was a baby.
I was adopted by a loving family quite quickly, only about an hour drive from the city I was born in. Coincidentally, I ended up returning to that same city for college. My sophomore year, I decided to seek out my biological family. Turns out, my biological parents separated right after I was born. My biological mom is still in and out of jail to this day, but my biological dad was able to start a new chapter. He got clean & sober, remarried, started going to church, and built a legitimate career for himself. He told his new wife about me when they first met, but didn't tell any of his children. My other siblings didn't know I existed.
Thanks to the internet, I ended up tracking down his work number and gave him a call. Later on, he said as soon as I said, "Hi, this might be really weird, but..." he knew it was me. Apparently, ever since I turned 18, him and his wife were waiting anxiously for me to resurface. They knew the day would come eventually. That evening, they sat my siblings down and told them about me. It was difficult at first, but now I'm 25 and me and him have a pretty solid relationship.
Grandpa Doesn't Know
My grandpa doesn't know that his dad was hit and killed by a drunk driver. He was like 2 when his dad died and can't remember any of it. The only thing he said was that he thought it involved a truck.
I found the article of my great-grandfather's death when I started digging into my grandpa's family tree. I also found that great-grandpa was the result of a teen pregnancy and was raised by his grandparents.
I'd tell him but I'm not really sure there's too much point in bringing it up now.
Great grandma ran a "hotel" in the late 1800s near a train Depot and army fort in the Oklahoma territory. Turns out it was a brothel. Great grandma was a madam! She must have been good at it cause she left a stack to my grandma.
When I was a kid I knew my grandfather was odd. He'd call me his grandson even when i was wearing a dress and clearly female, but my parents would tell me to ignore it.
Then I found out that when my dad was a kid, grandpa sold my dad's sister Barbara to someone and kept my dad and his brother because he didn't want a girl in the family. My dad found his sister Barbara around the time I was in middle school via calling around to get records, they were reunited, she's my favorite aunt now.
No one liked grandpa.
The Heirloom Dishes
We have a set of plates our family uses ONLY on Easter. My mom always fusses about that they are great grandmother, pre WWI family heirlooms. As someone who is interested in this kind of stuff, I looked up the makers mark. 1940s kitch, at best.
I haven't told anyone because I have my eyes on another set of china, and I want to seem magnanimous when I "compromise" with my sister to have these.
Not Her Fault
My cousin didn't stop talking the family for ten years because of her parents' divorce, like my parents said. She stopped because she and her dad got into an argument, and he physically shoved her into a basement, locked her inside, and refused to let her out.
He held her hostage down there for hours. Authorities got involved. He eventually got charged with domestic violence. A lot of the family blamed her for "getting her dad arrested" instead of holding him responsible for hurting her. So she stopped talking to them for about a decade.
She's married to a really nice guy and has two kids who she adores. This all happened about 20 years ago and she's doing really good now.
The "disabled" kid: My dad was pretty open about it but I know they kept it hush hush within their community. Idk how it when my dad found out but he discovered he had an older brother, his parents' oldest child. We'll call him Ron.
When Ron was preschool aged they were told he was "mentally retarded." Horrified, they turned him over to the state and never spoke of him again. Years later word got back to them that the kid was not in fact mentally disabled, he had "auditory dyslexia"(now called auditory processing disorder). He grew up to be a fully functioning independent adult.
He refused to have any contact with the family when my dad reached out to his brother. Totally fair, in my opinion.
Born Too Soon
My great aunt and uncle, had a baby when they were still in the dating phase. They were in love and getting married was a sure thing down the line. However, coming from a very conservative society in the Middle East back in the 50's, they had to give the child away to an orphanage. Once that was done, they got married and eventually had 4 children.
That child grew up knowing his origins and only allowed minimal contact with his family. He still isn't invited to family events and has a family of his own. When my great uncle passed away I was told he was amongst the randoms that came to the cemetery to pay respects, none of my cousins including myself know what he looks like but my dad and his siblings and cousins all do.
Its sad how he's punished for something that isn't his fault.
My grand-father tried to kill my dad with an axe. Literally showed up to his place of work and went looking to cut him down... and somehow, my unprepared dad fought him off bare handed.
So grandpa escaped and came back the next day to finish the job with a gun, but my dad didn't show up to work, so dude offed himself in the parking lot leaving the craziest suicide note ever.
There's a long backstory. To try not to go crazy here...
Grandpa beat my dad, dad's brothers and his mom. Grandpa was an alcoholic, for sure, but probably had mental problems too as they are run family. (yay)
Anyways, my dad had enough of it and worked a ton of jobs to save money. He was able to afford to escape and moved everyone out of the house in the middle of the night. They fled. New life kinda relocation thing.
So Grandpa was pretty pissed my dad "ruined his life" by, I guess, standing up for himself. Eventually the dude tracked down where my dad worked and went to end him.
I'm pretty sure his brothers and mom knew about the attempt, I don't know how many other family did. I only found out from my mom when I was moving away to university; and I have no idea why she told me. I thought it was bull, but eventually Dad confirmed it. It sort of filled in a lot of gaps in his character.
I have a vague idea of what was in the suicide note from what my mom said. I know it was a letter addressed to my dad laying the ultimate guilt trip. I think it was something about how much my dad had ruined his life by being born, then taking his wife away from him.
There was some passage about the church in it and how my dad had "let down all of religion" or God or something, and that Grandpa would see him in Hell. I'm kind of exaggerating, but whatever was in that note turned my dad into a staunch anti-religious person pretty much.
One Punch Grandpa
I asked my Mom why Grandpa didn't stay in his home town and take over the farm.
Turns out, Grandpa killed a man.
They had a bunch of local kids over to hang out. Grandpa couldn't find his sister and went looking for her. He came around the corner of the barn to find a guy was actually raping her.
Grandpa, grabbed the guy - gave him one punch in the head and killed him. He served 10 months in jail. After that, he decided to move a whole 10 miles away to another town.
The kicker is my Grandfather's name is Pleasant! He's referred to as one punch Grandpa now.
Mike The Mobster
When my Dad's uncle died, at his funeral there were a couple people there that dad recognized but only one he knew well. He and my dad had originally bonded because they were both named Mike. They became friends even though my dad was younger than him by about twenty years.
Mike was an acquaintance of dad's father, my grandfather. Mike was also involved in some shady, shady stuff. At the funeral Mike sat next to my dad and asked if he was doing good. My dad asked if he could be blunt, and admitted he was "glad the bastard was dead."
Mike got real quiet, and asked if he'd ever been hurt by his uncle. My dad admitted he had.
Mike told him that if anyone ever touched him like that again, to let him know and he and his boys would take care of them. My dad was about seventeen, so he would've known Mike about seven years at this point.
He trusted Mike. Always hung out with him when he came into town, which wasn't very often.
My dad took him up on his promise only once. He'd been having issues with some wannabe gang members in price hill and told Mike about this one kid who'd stabbed him in the thigh last time he crossed their turf. The kid had mugged him, stabbed him, and told him he was lucky it wasn't his throat. My dad ended up in the hospital with a few dozen stitches and a very large tetanus shot.
He told Mike, and Mike said he'd take care of it. My dad never saw the kid again, he'd just disappeared. Mike left town shortly after.
Few years later, my grandfather was in the early stages of the disease that would later take his life; and drunk as f**k so he was feeling talkative. He said to my dad:
"Ya know I outta thank you. You got that good for nothing mobster to skip town after killing that 'banger, and now I don't have to worry about paying my debts. You might not be a disappointment after all"
My dad never forgot that. Not just because of the back handed compliment, that was normal. But because of the bomb his dad had dropped about Mike being a part of the mob? Never knew that Mike had killed the kid, never knew that his dad was in trouble with him, never found out how his dad had gotten in with a man claiming to be a mobster.
Was Mike actually part of the mob? In Cincinnati in the '60s it was possible, but not probable. More likely he was part of a gang and used the threat of the mafia to keep my grandfather scared enough to be manipulated.
I do think he genuinely liked my dad, though. I don't think their relationship was more than platonic, but also I've never killed a man for my "friends."
My great uncle shot my great aunt. Apparently she had Alzheimer's and he decided it was best to just kill her, then he turned the gun on himself. From what I heard though he didn't die instantly but rather held on for around a week before finally dying.
I found out my grandma's grandfather was a Nazi scientist that fled Germany in 1945, changed his name and moved to South America. We still don't know what his real last name was.
I may or may not be a product of an affair between my mum and my (now) step-dad.
I found an old letter between them, talking about how he wanted to mess around and then hide in the cupboard when her husband got home. I also know that he bought her gifts before I was born...
Too scared to confirm though. I still see bio-dad, and have a half sister and family on that side. I hate to think of how everything would be turned upside down if it turned out to be true.
My grandmother actually told me before she passed that her cousin was Paul John Knowles, the Casanova Killer. As far as I know, my mother's side completely believes this to be true while my dad's side didn't know at all.
My dad believes this explains a lot about my mom. (Their divorce wasn't the nicest)
Family Toke SeshGiphy
My uncle found pot in his living room in between two couch cushions, so he brought it to my aunt's boyfriend who was dealing while being a chef in the early days of his restaurant.
Aunt's boyfriend looked at it an said "oh that's not mine, that's your mother's,"
Turns out my Grammy bought pot to feel better cause of retirement, and she and like 5 of my aunt's and uncles had a big toke sesh like that 70's show in my Grammy's basement.
Not dark but still, I wanted to share it
It's Not Official
My parents aren't 'officially' married. They are married in traditional Hindu ways but since my Mom had the same surname, they never bothered to have the marriage registered so technically, they have been in a very long live in relationship (about 25 years)
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
The pressure to fit in when you're a young person is no joke. It seems like, daily, your emotional and physical safety hinges on you passing as "cool"--whatever that means. "Cool" can mean different things for different people. But when it comes to the things the "popular" kids think is cool--it might actually be destructive or dangerous.
But thankfully, just like trends, what is "cool" and what is not is also liable to change with time. And as generations move on and on, the landscape of what is "cool" changes. Some of the awful things that were cool when we were younger are no longer cool.
And that's probably for the best.
"What are you glad isn't 'cool' anymore?"
Here were some of those answers.
A Hole In The Ozone Above My Head
"Perms and aerosol hair spray. In the 80s you rarely had one without the other."
"I had permed hair from the age of 5 until college. And the wall in my bathroom that was opposite the mirror had a thick layer of hair spray permanently covering it."-ShallowLily
Mustache You A Question
"There was also that sub-trend of drawing a mustache on your finger and put it underneath your nose to do some sort of quirky selfie."
"I remember some people actually tatooed it on their fingers and I'm wondering how it's going for them now."-Skeledenn
Mid Aughts Eat Your Heart Out
"Layering shirts over a ton of cami tank tops."
"At least, I hope this trend is dead, because I had to do it since every shirt was tissue-paper thin."
"Can we please go back to shirts being opaque please? I'm tired of having to wear 3 layers just so I don't look like I wore only my bra to work."-Empty-Masterpiece242
Can't you find yourself sighing from relief that some of these things are no longer "in"?
It Was Also The 90s
"The early 2000's make up trends consisting of Orange foundation, extremely pale pink lipstick and ruler-drawn extra thin eyebrows."
"Please God never bring this sh*t again..."-Sohiacci
A Language, Not A Picture
"You get people with tattoos like '無料' because they went to the tattoo artist and said 'I want a tattoo that says I'm free!'"
"And they got a tattoo that says 'I'm free'... meaning 'I don't cost anything.'"-ppardee
"Don't forget when Ariana XL got a tattoo of 七輪, which is made up of characters that mean seven and ring, but as a word refers to a small charcoal grill."-Sharpevil
The Axe Years
"Men drowning themselves in axe body spray. I remember jr. high and the hallways would reek and almost everyone re-upped at their lockers between classes."
"Axe might as well make an Arctic-marijuana scent because I think people only use it now to cover up smoke smell but it doesn't really work."-Trolling_turd
It's All Bacon
"The bacon everything craze from about 10 years ago. Bacon flavored or scented everything, and so many memes about how bacon was like the greatest thing in human history. Like, it's okay."-NYArtFan1
"The meal itself could be subpar but because they've added bacon to it they feel it's gourmet or something. The burger sucks but it's $20 because we've added bacon."-Duffmanlager
And now, looking back, you're probably wondering why these things had such a long shelf life in the first place.
Just Like Axe
"Love Spell from Victoria secret. Like seriously I hate it now. Growing up the girls that went to school with me would bathe themselves in it. Especially during things like prom, winter formals, and any other events the school had."
"I got made fun of because I would wear other smells like cucumber melon and sweet pea. Yes I realize sweet pea smells like old lady. However, anything else was better than smelling a sea of f**king love spell."
"It also got me brownie points with the teachers. The older ones liked the smell and the younger ones shared my opinion on it. One day after gym, I was changing clothes, had just put deodorant on, and was about to spray a little cucumber melon on."
"One of the girls that regularly picked on me decided that today was the day. She caught me off guard and sprayed love spell directly into my face while screaming 'There. Now you won't smell like old lady a**' and laughing. All the other girls was laughing too until they realized I was coughing and was having trouble breathing."
"She had literally sprayed it down my mouth and nose. One of the girls panicked and went and got the teacher. The teacher took me to the office and called my parents. By the time my parents got to the school I was fine but, they decided to send me home anyways."
"The next day letters was sent home to other parents letting them know that love spell was banned from school because it was triggering kids with asthma. I don't have asthma but, I guess the teachers seen the incident as the perfect time to finally get rid of the smell once and for all."
"To this day, if I smell a hint of love spell I instantly start gagging. So glade it's gone.😉😉"-RiseandRiseagain1814
It's Cool To Care Now
"Apathy. It used to be really cool to not be invested in anything, but it seems like social media has made having hobbies and passions easier to with other likeminded people."-The_Most_Superb
"Fortunately I chose a co-op internship program which helped set up my career, but I regret not joining many clubs/activities because doing things was considered uncool."
"I think 21 jump street laid it out perfectly. The older kids were so confused about the newer high school kids actually giving a sh*t. Too accurate!"-swerve408
The Landscape Of Who's In Control
"Honestly, I'll take all of these back if I never have to see another 'influencer' again. Sure, back in the day you had your Paris Hiltons and your Kim Kardashians but they were easily ignored and only took up a niche portion of culture."
"Now, influencers have basically dominated every aspect of pop culture. Videos game culture is so dominated by streaming and YouTubers that meeting someone who 'likes video games' means something completely different from, say, 2007 or so."-TheRedCap
Looking back, maybe we weren't as cool as we thought we were. Then again, why were we so concerned about our hair, our silly bands, or any of these other things that faded with time, as everything must?
The coolest thing we can do in the present is just be ourselves.
Nobody wants to die alone. That is one of life's more basic truths. We all hope there is going to be a familiar hand to hold and a pair of eyes that witnessed our lives looking into us as we drift off to meet our maker. That feels like the basics of marriage. Well that and a permanent booty call.
That's why a lot of people turn to a trusted friend to maybe one day be a love interest. It's always good to have a fail-safe and a back up. And the older you get the more the chase becomes too much run through, so why not make it easy? It's like... "hey so and so... you wanna get hitched by this date, in case?"
BAM! Instant I Do.
Redditor u/shansnewone wanted the betrothed out there to tell us about their relationship successes and fails, by asking:
Couples who got married on the basis: "if we're both not married by (x) years old, we'll marry each other" how did things work out?
I am out of options. Unless all of my prior fail safes current relationships don't pan out, I'm going to the grave alone. I'm too tired to look, or too lazy. Potato/potatoe... let's see who has better luck.
Decades Laterjust married love GIFGiphy
"Yep, worked out pretty well. We've known each other for close to 30 years now and jokingly said something similar years ago. Anyway, we got married almost 6 years ago and pretty happy with the situation."
"We were best friends for a long time in high school, I was really into her but the feeling wasn't mutual. I told her if we were single 5 years from now I could see us getting together and getting married. I moved across the country and we mostly lost touch for a couple years, but then almost exactly five years after I'd said that, we reconnected and I told here I was miserable where I was."
"She had just moved to a new city, I moved in with her, and we got together pretty quick. In two weeks, that'll have been six years ago. We just bought a house and our daughter's first birthday is next month. It was rocky at first, since we were both escaping miserable situations and living in a studio apartment, but everything worked out and I live with my best friend."
She said yes...
"Funny enough, there was a girl I liked in High School, but I was 17 and she was 15. She asked me out but I said no because I just got a girlfriend, but I was interested in her and I told her. She said if I'm single by the time I'm 25, can we get married? I was like yeah sure. I asked her when she was 25 if she was single. She said yes. Reminded her about our agreement and she said "I'm only really dating girls right now." So yeah."
Jumped the gun a little...
"I made this arrangement with my best friend from college. We spent so much time together, people thought we were dating and it led to some strife in many of my possible relationships because they saw her as a threat. But that wasn't the nature of our relationship. Strictly friends, I had interest in her one time but was quickly friendzoned and didn't try to make any advances. She never held interest in me."
"One night, close to the end of college, we went out and grabbed some beer at a local place and were transparent that we could see ourselves getting married to one another. We made an agreement that if, by the age of 30 pr 35 (I can't remember now), we were both single, we would get married. After college, we went our separate ways—I continued with school, she got a job."
"We talked inconsistently (maybe once every few months?) for about 2 years. I happened to be in her city one day in 2020 and we grabbed coffee. We talked a little more after that, then things REALLY picked up here in the last few months. We're engaged, getting married in March. Jumped the gun a little, but dammit this is the best decision and relationship I've ever been in."
In the End...This Is Absolutely Ridiculous Mandy Moore GIF by This Is UsGiphy
"Couple I knew both thought very highly of themselves and thought they could do better than the other person. They're now together and miserable."
Well those sound pleasant enough. Well, most of them do. But hey, when you gotta go with what's in front of you, you can't beg. Maybe others had it better.
Cheers to Us...Season 17 Cheers GIF by The BacheloretteGiphy
"Had an agreement. Both were married far before the date. Did however go out for drinks to celebrate the fact that we were both happily married!"
"I know a couple who were best friends but dating other people for about 15 years. No one was surprised when they finally started dating and got married, but they didn't have an agreement like you mention. They just finally got over the idea that love had to start with romance rather than friendship."
What happens... happens...
"My best friend dated this chick through high school. They broke up to go to separate colleges, dated other people obviously. Got back in town after graduating, got back together, got married. That was like 19 years and 3 kids ago. He was telling me they never would've lasted a year if they didn't separate for the 4 years of college."
This is a date?!
"My husband and I were friends. I said ,"if you don't have a date on Valentine's Day, why don't you come over and we can drink/ hang out." ( it was senior year of college… this was everyone's past time on non football days or club nights) Valentines came, and we both had nothing to do. He came over with beer AND yellow/red flowers."
"He offered to take me to dinner. I turned around and looked at my roommate like," huh?! Ooohhhhh... This is a date?!" I accepted the flowers and the 6 pack, got changed and 3 days later I just knew he was the one I wanted to annoy for a lifetime. We were swimming in the Jupiter inlet and I said "I think we should get married" he said "Yep. Sounds like a plan."
"That's all it took… friends + valentines + trajectory change = 2 kids, 2 careers, 6 moves, 1 serous illness. We survived together as a team, and It will be 25 years together in February. Man, I got it right and I couldn't even think of anyone better a fit for me. It's been AWESOME!!!"
Let's Party...Marriage Love GIFGiphy
"In my case i had good friend studying together abroad who had boyfriend."
"I told her to call me when she's free. Two years later she came to work to my city she was already free. She called me and we went to a party where after an hour or two we decided to be together and we are for 10 years."
I'm comforted by a lot of this. Maybe I'll meet some new back ups. And then love will overcome. Anybody free for a chat? ;)
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Romance novels, romantic films and TV shows, advertisements, and society at large has made the gift of flowers a symbol of love, condolences, well wishes, or congratulations.
The actual act of giving flowers goes back centuries to ancient Greece, China, Egypt, the Victorian Era, and has evolved even in the last 100 years. In 1917, advertisers made giving flowers to mothers and grandmothers on Mother's Day a staple of the holiday.
Different eras and cultures have changed the way we view the importance of flowers or even the meaning behind the type of flower we are gifting. It shifted to become a gendered gesture most prodominantly in the Victorian Era as a way to express specific feelings for a romantic partner because it wasn't acceptable to share emotions outwardly.
For some reason, we still emphasize that gendered nature and restrict flower-giving to men and flower receiving to women. But what's wrong with a man getting flowers from a woman?
For some reason, we need to come up with an alternative gift for men so they don't feel emasculated (and that's on toxic masculinity). We wanted to find out what those gifts are.
So Redditor Charn22 asked:
"What is the male equivalent of buying a women flowers?"
Let's see what the men have to say.
Different kind of flower.
"I also enjoy flowers. My wife gets me the best Indica."
"Last Friday after a long day of work my girlfriend, who doesn't like weed, surprised me with a nice bag of Indica and told me to smoke for the weekend."
"I've been internally thinking about marriage a lot more this last week…"
"That's is what sealed the deal for our marriage!! She hunted down my favorite strain 100% pure DJ Short Blueberry…I looked for months found variations but never the original…made my year and was just a 'I love you gift,' no occasion; a keeper! 10 years and two kids later still in love!"
"That's love there."
Don't buy anything at all.
"Thoughtful, romantic materialistic items are great, however I'd be more than satisfied with a hug and a kiss."
"Back rub. My wife actually enjoys rubbing my back. It's good to be me."
It's the little things.
"Some guys like gifts, some guys don't. I don't like gifts, but that's also because I've dated spoiled rich girls who expected them and that experience sort of ruined it for me. But there are other ways to show appreciation."
"My current girlfriend does this one thing that always makes me smile. I am a heavy sleeper and I have a hard time getting up early in the morning. She's a morning person so she's always up ahead of me so now she likes to get up while I'm still sleeping and makes coffee for me. She doesn't even drink coffee and at first didn't even know what proportions to use."
"It makes me smile every time because getting my morning coffee is the first thing I do every day. It's a small gesture but it's one I really appreciate because I always wake up very sleepy. She usually wakes me up getting back in bed and now that I know what she's doing, it gives me a great opportunity to show my appreciation in another way."
"You should, like, marry her and stuff."
"I just about cried when my last GF first made me coffee in the morning... when no one's ever done that for you before it's a seriously big deal!"
"Nice to know some men appreciate it. My ex always took me doing stuff like that for granted. I even got up and did it DESPITE not being a morning person at all, but I was always a lighter sleeper so I was usually up first anyway."
Who doesn't love snacks?
"My late husband disliked going into stores, so I would often buy his favourite treats for him while shopping."
"Love me some snacks. Ice cream too. My son usually gets 'em all but sometimes the wife remembers mine and I'm stoked when she does."
"My ex loved 6 packs of beer and a foot long Bellacino's chicken grinder. I gave him that one year for Valentine's Day along with a VHS tape full of MMA fight matches to watch instead of going out to dinner. He almost cried. That was a good day."
Food is the way to a mans heart.
"'Honey, I was passing your favorite restaurant and I picked you up a cheeseburger and onion rings. I hope that's ok.' Yes, it's ok."
"My wife would have to call me to let me know she ran out of gas driving around trying to decide which place to stop at."
"I'd marry a woman who does that twice. hot diggity!"
Actually, maybe flowers aren't that bad of an idea.
"Buying a guy flowers."
"I would be very touched if a girl gave me flowers. I would never forget that."
"I love it when my fiancé buys me flowers. They look nice in the house, they smell nice, and it's a gift showing they care about me! There is literally no down side… unless it would completely shatter someone's fragile masculinity."
"My wife doesn't like getting cut flowers because she would prefer they didn't die for her "enjoyment." Potted flowers are okay."
"I don't dislike flowers, they are just invisible to me. If my wife puts a vase of flowers somewhere, I won't even notice until she points them out. Several times in the past, she has gone away for a week and come back and asked why I haven't thrown away the dead flowers. I never even noticed there were flowers there, let alone that they died, lol."
But it's not for everyone, just as not all women like flowers either.
"So I've seen men mention this a number of times on reddit. I therefore decided to get my partner some for his birthday (in addition to other things), and he was NOT impressed. It sucked."
"First time I ever bought flowers for a boyfriend he made it very awkward. 'Um, thanks? You don't buy men flowers.' Strict gender role adherence can really make a person miss out on small joys!"
"A direct equivalent would just be a nice plant. Personally I'm not very into flowers, they seem impractical because they wilt away after a few days. But a nice plant that can stick around for a while would be cool."
There are plenty of ways you can treat your partner and show your appreciation for them. What's important to remember that, regardless of gender, everyone is different.
We have to be specific and pay attention to our partners. Treating them like they deserve to be treated, with respect and adoration, is important and necessary to making them feel appreciated.
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The style and manner of our conversations fluctuate depending on social or professional environments.
But in a stressful work environment, many of us are inclined to drop the f-bomb but choose not to for the sake of professionalism.
Is there a way to professionally tell someone to F off without actually using those exact words?
This is something that was explored on an Ask Reddit thread when user daniabear asked:
"How can someone say 'f'k you' in a professional situation?"
Getting a supervisor involved was mentioned as an intimidation tactic.
Using A Superior
"I spoke with your supervisor about the matter and they agree with me."
"*just CCing the supervisor*"
"My favorite is when a co-worker sends me an email and CCs all pertinent supervisors under the guise of 'I've told you repeatedly about X not working and months later it's still not working."'
"And then I go dig up my original, professional reply that explained how they were doing it wrong and that X is in fact working just fine, please just follow procedure. I forward that original reply with no explanation to the whole thread as a response to the very unprofessional tantrum they're currently throwing."
"Then I sit back, sip my coffee and wait. I typically turn on my read receipt for these types of communications so I can sense the disturbance in the force in real time."
Read The Email
"When someone asks in an email for something you already sent them, you just forward the original email."
"It pisses me off that I have to keep track of what's been said and when, just to be able to find it and point to it - while it's easy for the a**hole who's not paying attention to just ask again, and again."
If read between the lines, these statements is like flipping the bird.
"I've taken your idea/feedback/POV under advisement. Thank you for your contribution."
Basically, You're Wrong
"I humbly disagree with your opinion."
Finding The Tone
"There's nuance in context. If I'm in a meeting (in person or remote) and I say 'let's talk about that offline'. That might be neutral as something is another topic or concern or the flow or time constraints are such that, that's more ideal. It can also mean other things. I think most people know the difference."
There was room for some creativity.
I Hear You
"With all DUE respect."
"'With all due respect.... f'k you' and then push send"
Kill Them With Kindness
"I hope your day is as lovely as you are."
A Slight Misinterpretation
Say to the person 'You should go f'k off eh!'"
"They will to the predicable thing, act shocked/offended and say something like 'Excuse Me?!' or 'Pardon me?!?!' or "WHAAAT?!!!"
"Then you 'repeat' yourself 'I said, You should go for coffee."
The Final Destination
"Perhaps the road less traveled is where you belong."
"Your objections have been duly noted and summarily overruled."
The responses varied depending on the work situation.
I work in entertainment. Many people in the industry are very passionate and they are not limited to those we see on stage and screen.
A production team is comprised of individuals who have integrity and have no problem mincing words when things go awry.
In my experience, when the occasional f-bomb is dropped in a non-combative situation, no one bats an eye.
What immediately follows is a collective, unspoken understanding that something didn't go over well, and everyone goes about their business.
We leave the drama for the stage.