Relationships are hard, y'all. It's not all sunshine and rainbows, there is actual work that goes into them. When you have two people constantly together in an intimate way, things can get tricky. So any and all advice is received and noted. Here is some of the best advice Reddit has to offer.
u/Ironwolf9876 asked: What is the best relationship advice you have ever received?
Was your Grandpa Abe Simpson?Giphy
On my wedding day I asked my grandfather if he had any advice for me and he told me "Never start a land war in Asia."
I mean, I'm still trying to work it out but when I do I'm sure I'll have the recipe to a perfect marriage.
By far, for me, it was "Both people should feel like they're giving 60% of the whole."
Try to outdo each other in acts of kindness, and don't keep score.
Thanks Michael J. Fox!
The best relationship advice I have heard came from an interview Michael J. Fox did where he talked about how his marriage had lasted so long. He said "We give each other the benefit of the doubt".
If your SO does something that makes you worried, angry or sad, ask them to tell you their side of the story before you let your emotions run wild. There is probably a reasonable explanation and a good reason for how he/she acted.
That will help avoid a lot of conflicts and foster trust.
More couples should know this.Giphy
It should never be "You vs. Me" but rather "Us vs. The Problem".
We didn't fight over stressful situations, we joined together in our frustration and anger.
It worked for a while. We lost it somewhere along the way and split up a little over a year ago after 9 years.
Take your partner's feelings seriously.
Things that aren't important to you might be very important to them, and vice versa.
So if you're doing something that really bothers them but to you it's no big deal, make it a priority, because even if you can't see why it's important , it still is to them.
Likewise if they do or don't do something that really bothers you, explain to them that it's important to you. They might not even realize they're doing something that frustrates you to no end, and to you it feels like they're doing it out of spite.
Finally, take your partner's feelings seriously. If they hate that you leave your wet towel on the bathroom floor and it's no big deal to you, you can't act like it's no big deal, you have to treat it as something important to remember, because to them it is.
I like this one.
If you're arguing to win you've already lost.
Often it is better to be kind than right.
Don't lie, please.Giphy
Never lie; you don't have to remember anything.
More amazing though, is the amount of people I've met who say "I could never" or "how do you do it?"
Listen to your father.
"Are you sure she's the one?"
She wasn't, but I married her anyways. But that lead to a legitimate sense of doubt that made it easier to ask for a divorce after 8 months of a rough marriage.
At the time i thought my dad was a HUGE a**hole for asking me that question. But now I recognize just how hard it was to ask....
Just recently I heard "if he loves you, you will know. If he doesn't, you will be confused". I thought well d*mn, that's true.
Grandpa knows best.
For me, my grandfather gave me the best advice. He said,"choose two things to do around the house that she never has to ask you to do. Do the best job you can do and take pride in it but never draw attention to or complain about it. Just do it and expect nothing in return."
I cook dinner and do the dishes/cleanup cooking messes. It took my wife almost a year to notice. When she did however I would find my laundry was magically done on its own, folded and put away. When I told her she doesn't have to do my laundry she stated "you always cook and clean for me! I figured it was the least I could do!"
That's all the proof I need!
Mine was "if you are thinking about a divorce, then it is time." Best advice ever because later I found she had been cheating the entire 8 years of our marriage lol.
Don't listen with the intention to answer. Listen with the intention to understand.
It is very hard work.
We grow love by HARD WORK
Want to lose weight and gain muscle?-it requires dedication and work that most don't want to do. Want to gain knowledge? It requires dedication and work that most don't want to do. Want to gain wealth? It requires dedication and work that most don't want to do. Want to have a healthy relationship? ....Guess what? It requires dedication and work that most don't want to do.
If you haven't dedicated yourself to any other method of self improving, then maybe marriage isn't for you.
Loving is extremely easy, allowing your love to wax and not wain is tough-you do this by doing things you don't necessarily want to, like, selfless acts of kindness (even when you don't want to) forgiving (even when you don't want to) spending time with each other (even when you don't want to). Going to sleep together. (Even if you don't want to). Give 100% in anything involving just you and you will not fail. But a Marriage has 2 people.... And both of you need to be just as committed.
This is cute.Giphy
Came from an older couple in a super-market. He was 93, her 92, traversing the alabaster rows in custom scooters. I asked them, "what's the secret?" They had been together for so long, any insight will be - at the very least - interesting. The wife told me about compromise and compassion. She told me that I should recognize that men and women are different, and it's my job as a husband to know that. She left, leaving her husband with me. He checked the hall, left and then right, not wanting his wife to overhear him; then gave me his words of wisdom:
"Just don't cheat," he said. "Women will forgive most anything, but they can't forgive that."
Love languages are important.
Find her love language. People perceive love in different ways. Touch, Acts of service, quality time, gifts, and words of affirmation. My wife is Acts of service and words of affirmation. The best foreplay in my house is when I clean, cook and tidy up, tell her I love her, she looks beautiful in what she is wearing. To me it means nothing because mine is quality time and touch, to sit beside her, watch a movie and snuggle fills me up. But for her, it lets her know I know what makes her feel loved, secure, content. That her needs are being met.
Who doesn't love a good deal?
What thing did you buy because "it's just $5" that turned out to be great?
You wouldn't think these items would make an impact, but if you take a moment to think about how often stuff falls in-between the seats of your car, you'll realize how items like these can make your life better.
Keep Your Stuff Where It Belongs
"I absolutely hate it when I'm driving and something falls between the seat and the center console. So I bought this little foam thing that's suppose to prevent that from happening."
"I didnt realize how much of a life saver it has been, until recently when I started borrowing my bfs truck."
"What?!!! I need that? What is it? Where can I get one?"
"I think they're called "drop stop".
"I got mine in automotive at Walmart, but you could probably try Amazon."
"I hope you find one. Might just be the best small investment I've ever made lol"
A Stuffed, Comfy Heaven
"Bought a gigantic dog bed at a thrift store. It was like $5, still had the tags on, looked like the previous dog laid in it like once based on how much hair there was (not much). We have chihuahua mixes, this bed is over 8 times as large as either dog. It's basically the favorite place in the whole apartment for the older dog now. She stretches out in it and then just bakes in the sun for hours."
"It's also really comfortable for me, a human, to sit in it, so that's cool."
Keeping The Elements At Bay
"An umbrella from a street vendor in Manchester UK was £5. Started raining heavily hence the purchase and didn't expect the umbrella to last the day assuming it was junk for tourists. Brolly still going strong after 5 years, use it regularly and strong wind doesn't faze it. Fairly large too so both my wife and I fit under it. The spring loaded release is very satisfying too."
Who doesn't love an odd purchase? Especially when it's cheap? A buy like this might not seem like a game changer at the time, but with the power of hindsight, you can see what an impact they've made.
Bringing The Family Together In Competitive Glory
"A game for the Nintendo Switch called "Ultimate Chicken Horse". The description was very vague, but my family said "F-ck it. It's got local multiplayer and might be fun" and it turned into probably our favorite game on the console."
"This is an incredible party game."
"For those who haven't heard of it, it's a competitive platformer where the participants build the stage as they go. Tons of fun, with plenty of customizable rules. Well worth picking up if you regularly host events with friends."
"It has online play, but there's probably some lag issues that can make it annoying."
Altered Life's Course For Free
"I purchased my favourite video game of all time (Baldur's Gate) for literally $0.00. My grandmother found it on a shelf in a department store, brought it to me and was like "the price tag says $0.00, does that mean it's free?" I had no idea what the game was, but I figured if it was free, why not take it? So we took it to the counter and it turned out they had been giving copies of the game away back with some Windows 98 promotion they'd been running, but one copy had been left over, so they put a $0.00 price tag on it and hid it in a section of the store it didn't belong so that the first person to find it and ask if it was free could have it. They still had to put it through the register and give us a receipt and everything though, so I'm still counting it as a purchase."
"When I got it home and played it, it was easily the greatest game I'd ever played in my life. It got me into RPGs, Dungeons and Dragons, and board gaming (my biggest hobbies to this day), and it remains my favourite video game ever. And I bought it for $0.00."
Getting A Buddy On The Cheap
"I've always kinda struggled with depression/anxiety on some level, but it was pretty bad in college because I had the extra stress of classes and perfectionism constantly looming. One uneventful day in May, my girlfriend (now wife) and I were looking through PetSmart getting food for our rabbit and just looking around, because that's just what broke college students do. I'd always wanted a cat to show mutual unconditional love and just never pulled the trigger because it never felt right. Well, this little calico, ~two months old, reached out from her cage to grab my finger without her claws while sadly looking up at me with the most beautiful green eyes. I fell in love."
"As luck would have it, they were running a promotion called, "Cinco de Gato" (a play on Cinco de Mayo) where adoption fee was $5 as long as you bought the typical "I just got a cat" stuff (carrier, food, toys, etc), which I did gladly. While the other stuff obviously cost more than $5, adopting Sushi was one of the best $5 impulse purchases of my life. I still have depression/anxiety, and Sushi clearly knows because she'll rub against me whenever I'm particularly stressed, which actually does help most of the time!"
And then there's these.
Not sure what would push a person to buy any of the items below, but they did, and here they are.
Gaming The School System
"When I was in early high school I stopped at a garage sale with my mom. I saw a green hard baked book titled "CRC Mathematical Tables". I knew about the CRC Chemistry Handbook from my chemistry class but had never heard of this book. It didn't have a price and the woman running the sale sold it to me for $0.25. I had no idea if the book would be useful, but it was only a quarter."
"I used that book as a reference for all of my upper level math classes, many of my engineering classes when I forgot the math from my upper level math classes and still use it as a reference at work from time to time. My college study group called it my "magic green book" because it always seemed to have all the answers we needed when we were stuck on a homework problem. Best $0.25 I ever spent."
Something To Show Off At Parties?
"A $10,000,000,000,000 bill from Zimbawe's hyperinflation period off of eBay."
"People seem to love it, although it's like a 50/50 split on people believing it was actually manufactured to be real currency and not just a novelty joke item. "Weimar Republic" doesn't seem to ring any bells with folks that didn't pay attention in history class."
"I went to one of those party places with arcade games and prizes you can buy when you exchange tickets, probably happened when I was 11 or 12. I bought a foot that smelled like cherries for 15 tickets. It probably only cost them a nickel or something like that, but even 20 damn years later that thing still smells good."
"It helps me relax when I'm stressed. It's gotten a lot of use over the years."
Keep your eyes and ears open for any great deals. Think critically about how something like it could help your life. You never know what oddities will make things better.
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Getting that coveted position at work or being named valedictorian are wonderful accomplishments.
But while those achievements are nothing to scoff at, there are other moments in life outside the workplace or classroom worthy of praise.
"What is your biggest non-academic, non work-related accomplishment?"
You might find some of these relatable.
Saving a life has got to be one of life's biggest accomplishments.
Passed Out And Saved
"When I was a kid, I saw a guy passed out drunk on the side of the road. Neither of my parents noticed, so I said something. We went back and my dad went to check on him. It was around 20 degrees Farenheit out and he was wearing a thin jacket and pajama pants. My dad (who is a paramedic) told me I quite possibly saved his life that night."
Lady In Distress
"Saved a lady from drowning at the Outer Banks about 10 years ago."
These laudable achievements make one feel as if they've arrived.
Strawberry's My Jam
"Not that exciting, but I'm still pretty proud: winning a blue ribbon at a state fair for my strawberry jam. My husband loves to brag about it, and it makes me feel pretty special when he does."
Music To My Ears
"My old band got played on a local radio station a few times."
"The same thing for my band too. The university radio station liked us so much, they recorded one of our songs for a local music CD."
"Growing veggies and herbs without killing them. And making pickles/jams/infused butter with the results. So that's pretty cool I guess."
Power Of Healing
"My stroke recovery. I can walk, use my left hand and I can cook again. Things aren't perfect but considering that I couldn't pick my head off of the pillow the day after last Christmas I am doing fantastic."
It's never too late to discover one's own hidden capabilities or talents and getting recognized for them.
Stranger In A Strange Land
"I moved to a foreign country where I knew only 1 person and didn't speak the language and managed to independently make it and now I call it home."
"Taught myself to crochet. I'm not terrible at it."
"Me too! Go us. I particularly love chunky yarn - the projects finish faster that way haha."
"An artist at a major animation studio saw my fanart and shared it on their Tumblr, they commented on how funny they thought it was. That was years ago but it felt great."
"I briefly became a published comic book author as a side hustle. My first issue sold out at a retailer level across the globe on day one. Super proud of that."
Throughout my musical theater performing career, I've been what's known as a swing. Swings are essentially an understudy for most of the male ensembles in a show and I would go on at any given time at a moment's notice to cover an injured performer or someone who called out sick.
That meant I had to know – in some cases – up to nine ensemble tracks and be able to integrate myself into the show seamlessly.
For every time I did not get shoved by a fellow performer for being in the wrong place on stage or missing a costume change, I gave myself a huge pat on the back by the curtain call.
And then I would go home and enjoy a glass or two of well-earned vino to calm my nerves from safely finishing the performance unscathed.
When you play a bad video game, interact with a poorly made tech product, or tune into a lackluster movie you don't think that much about it.
In fact, that says it all: you quickly move on and never return.
Rarely do we think about the intense amount of work that went into creating that piece of utter mediocrity.
There were several people employed for months, and they put hours into the end product. Massive investments were negotiated and made. Huge arguments took place. A whole office existed, composed of complex hierarchies and lines of communication.
And yet, the thing came out terrible. So we didn't give it a second thought.
But recently someone on the internet stopped to wonder what all that work looks like. Redditor DongLaiCha asked:
"People who have worked on infamously bad products/games/apps/films, did you know it was bad when it was being made? Did the company? What happened?"
Plenty of people shared their experiences helping to develop video games. The organizational culture and funding circumstances were almost always a mess, and the primary root of the problem.
Dingus at the Helm
"We knew in an early meeting about the video game that it was going to be bad because he screamed at us rather than answer a basic question. Months later the guy released a version to the public when it was hastily put together. We were shocked that he would have ever even considered this ready."
"A review ripped it apart so badly that it went viral. We were sure the guy would strongly reconsider blowing his fortune on making a niche game that he was failing so badly at already."
"He responded by putting in charge several people who where completely ill equipped to manage a game into leadership roles and have them micromanage every step. This revolving door of managers got more out of step, and cruel as time went on. This went on for 3 years with investors pulling out, layoffs, and bailouts."
"I was laid off 2 months ago. Since then they have contacted me to get me to give up my software license info that I paid thousands for while working for them. They are being sued and because they came to me aggressively, it gave me a lot of warm feelings to find out how bad off they are. There is just a skeleton crew left and none of them know if it will every get finished."
Bizarre Alien Behaviors
"I worked on Aliens : Colonial Marines as a tester. It was great, so much fun playing the Aliens in multiplayer, revisiting the really great looking sets/ levels and enjoying the story, with the understanding that it was all a work in progress."
"One day all of the Aliens started freezing. Then big bits of the levels would disappear."
"Some amazing bugs would start popping up (respawning without a head after getting decapitated by the Aliens). And the cutscenes seemingly never got rendered out properly."
"I have no idea what went wrong but my name is in the credits forever!"
Digitized Face Destruction
"My teacher worked on at least one Saw video game. He hated the entire thing and his bosses were very nitpicky about everything. He kinda just accepted the pay and moved on to better things."
"Besides teaching, he now works for a company making VR training simulations for pilots, so he gets to study and create all kinds of planes and machinery."
"We're graduating soon and several people want to buy him a replica of the saw face trap, which is one of the things he created for the game as a goodbye/thank you gift."
Kinda Like That Final Season
"You may remember over a year ago seeing advertisements for "Game of Thrones: Winter is Coming: the officially licensed browser game!"...yeah I worked on that, and it was clear it would be terrible (entertaining overview of the game here: https://youtu.be/m08Z-oDdvlY)"
"Basically, the state of the game when it released and the state of the game a year before release were the same. Somehow, nobody did their jobs, and yet everyone was doing absurd amounts of crunch and overtime."
"There were really obvious things that I would point out and say 'this is a problem we need to fix now, or it will become worse later,' and other people would think I was being picky. Then, sure enough, it would cause a huge problem a couple months later and someone would have to spend several days fixing it."
"That's also separate from the design of the game itself, which I and a few coworkers just watched become worse and worse. There were so many things that we looked at and thought 'that's temporary, right? We're gonna iterate on that feature and improve it, right?' (They weren't temporary, and we didn't iterate or improve on then)."
Others worked on movies that turned out dreadful. It takes a whole lot of people to make a movie, and usually all of them are very aware of how that thing is going to turn out.
Punch In, Punch Out
"I worked on a couple really awful big budget films. Everyone knew they were sh** as we were making them."
"We all were being paid very well. So we didn't really worry about how awful the films were."
"I worked on a movie with a really bad script. The company already got the funding and had to make the film and the producers, director and various writers tried for a year constantly rewriting and changing the script to try and make it work, but it didn't."
"It just wasn't a good concept, had to many single-use characters, jumped around between too many locations to quickly... it was the kind of script that you just throw in the fire and forget about."
"But they ended up making it and it didn't turn out good. Technically it is well made but narratively it is a mess and hard to follow."
"All the crew knew we were working on a turkey, but hey... it's a paying job."
"I worked on Dragonball:Evolution and I knew it was an impossibly unwatchable turd before any of you even knew there was a trailer."
And some shared experiences working to create tech products, be they software or hardware. With so many heads in the room, that can be like herding cats.
"My mother helped build Window's Vista and she actually finds it extremely funny. They had such high hopes and really thought it was revolutionary, only to watch it burn almost immediately."
A Cocky Start
"My brother in law worked at Microsoft when they released the Windows phone. Apparently management marched through the building with an IPhone in a small casket while announcing the new phones release date."
"While he liked the phone well enough, he was pretty sure that this moment was destined for ridicule."
Dial It Back, Jeff
"Not my story, but I had a manager who worked on the Fire Phone. Remember the Fire Phone? It was amazon's disastrous foray into the cellphone. Huge rollout. Terrible reviews. Cost about as much as the iPhone but with none of the social or aesthetic credibility."
"Anyway, the way my manager told the story was like this: Originally, the fire phone was supposed to be the anti-iPhone. Super stripped down functionality, basic hardware, easy interface, and very low price point. That was an area in the cell market where they thought they could really dominate."
"Well, when the phone design was in prototyping mode (like halfway through the project or whatever) ol' Uncle Jeff starts coming and sitting in on meetings. And he starts asking questions… Why can't the phone have a better camera? Why can't it have more storage? Why can't it have a better screen?
"On and on and on… and no one wants to say no to him. So they keep 'improving' the phone. The rest is history."
"And by history I mean a huge disaster."
Perhaps next time you quickly delete an app or flick off a movie you'll imagine all the bizarre stories that must have gone on as it was being created.
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Years ago, I used to be bullied for being a bookworm. It was odd. I even had a classmate take one of my books, rip it up, and throw it into the trash bin. Nowadays, I see kids reading openly without having to hide their books. What was up with the anti-intellectual attitudes when I was younger? It's nice to see that that's not generally accepted.
So much has changed since I was younger––it's okay to be a "nerd" in more ways than one. Does anyone really get bullied for reading comic books anymore, for instance? Especially when Marvel films dominate the box office?
People were keen to share their observations after Redditor xtaliaw asked the online community,
"What is something you were bullied for growing up that has now become a trend?"
"I used to get bullied..."
"I used to get bullied for my thick eyebrows. Now I get complimented. Weird to hear, "I like your eyebrows." Never thought that would be something to compliment."
"Then Nirvana and grunge blew up..."
"My freshman year of college in the early '90s my roommates all made fun of me and called me a hillbilly for wearing flannel/plaid shirts. Then Nirvana and grunge blew up and it was a sea of flannel as far as the eye could see!"
My, how things change.
Everyone wants to be as cool as Nirvana––still!
"Kimchi and lettuce wraps..."
"Korean food. Kimchi and lettuce wraps were not cool when I was a kid."
Shame, because they're delicious. I hope those people regret their bland diets!
"Now it's cool..."
"Wearing hand me down clothes. Now it's "vintage" and "cool" to shop at places like Goodwill or secondhand stores."
This correct. The style nowadays is "Manic Pixie Dream Girl Who Lives in Bushwick and Wears Clogs."
"Now there are cheerleaders..."
Like, I had a cool symbiote Spider-Man shirt. But I didn't dare wear it in school.
Now there are cheerleaders wearing Thor shirts, and people on the street know who the Guardians of the Galaxy are. Granted, none of the characters they know were in the Guardians that I grew up with. But they know the title."
"I get stopped..."
"My hair. I have tons of it and it's very curly. Sometimes my cousins would call me Marge Simpson.
Then natural hair care actually became a thing and I learned to embrace my hair. Now it's my signature. I get stopped a few times a week (sometimes a few times a day) by people to tell me they love my hair."
"Women have surgery..."
"Having a big butt. Women have surgery to get butts like I've always had now, but being a young person in the late 90s/early 2000s when the trend was to be underweight with a flat @ss was loads of fun."
The Kardashians really changed things around there, didn't they?
Ummm... thanks, Kim? We guess.
"They took a huge jump in popularity..."
"Video games. They took a huge jump in popularity from now I was a kid, and now all my high school bullies are posting about Animal Crossing."
"It blows me away..."
"Freckles. It blows me away that people get freckles tattooed on their bodies now."
Wait... wait... wait...
People do this?!
"I was both."
"Being weird. Being alternative. I was both. Made fun of horribly, and now the people who bullied me are going around embracing their 'weird' side."
I guess you could say things have largely changed for the better. It's nice to see kids being more accepting nowadays. Bullying just isn't tolerated on the same level it was when I was a kid. That's a plus in my book.
Have some stories of your own? Feel free to tell us about them in the comments below!
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