***WARNING THE FOLLOWING IS FOR 17 AND UP ONLY!! YOUNG EYES NEED NOT CONTINUE!!***
I've lost track of the number of tales I've been told horror stories about sexual escapades gone wrong. Threesomes are particularly dramatic. There are always lies, jealousy, and underlying deceit. It's all too juicy.
Inches and Inches
Shame Reaction GIF by Montana State UniversityGiphy"A co-worker invited me to join him and his gf. He pulls out his monster member. I whip out my 4-inch Vienna sausage. It was awkward for me. She wasn't impressed either."
The Knockout!
"He stormed out of the shower because he wasn't getting enough attention. She got out and they talked in the living room. I slipped and gave myself a concussion banging my head on the tub, they had no idea. I came to after a few minutes and we had a very foggy conversation about boundaries."
Anger Issues
"MMF. The other guy and girl were exes, and the threesome was just a roundabout way to get together with each other one last time. I sat on the edge of their bed for 20 minutes while they hate-doing each other. The other guy drove, so I had to wait for them to be done. Eventually I just got my clothes back on and sat in the living room."
Whoops...
"Someone slipped and I ended up getting kneed in the face. Got a massive black eye and a concussion. Doctor wrote in my chart "sex accident?"
"I work in a family medical practice. There are always stories. Funny because any notes become part of your legal medical file and cannot be removed. So if you change physicians, do not ask for the contents of your file when you transfer records. Well, I guess you could. Up to you. 😳".
Best Wishes?
buster keaton bride GIF by MauditGiphy"He (my then boyfriend) married the other girl. They started dating a few weeks after we broke up and married after college."
See now I forget about the danger aspect. Sex can lead to tons of injury and we are never fully prepared. And honesty seems to be an afterthought. How common...
Rude!
"Me (M) with couple (MF). Partway through, other M runs out of bedroom crying. F calls him a "whiny b**ch", refuses to follow him out to console him and wants to keep going. Awkward all the way around."
"Dude! There are some things you just don't talk about in public."
"Similar experience with my ex and another couple. We were game, she was game, but he ran out crying. She wanted to carry on with us. Until he started screaming in the street."
"it's not what it looks like"
"Actually posted this in the "it's not what it looks like" thread but, was having a threesome with one of my buddies and a girl. For some reason she said she had to get something. When she came back, she turned on the lights, pulled all the covers off, and took a Polaroid of me and my buddy naked on the bed with condoms on, lol."
Three's Company Too
"Was fine during the act. Great fun but the shame the next day was too much for us all. We are still good friends now but no threesomes and it was shaky for a while. Was about five years ago. I lived with two women (the dream for a guy, I know) and we had been friends for years and years. Since high school so about 25 years now."
"Two of us were single and the other housemate split with her bf a day before so we decided that drinks and a good night with some board games would be a good idea. So the drinks were flowing and the game ultimately turned into a game of spin the bottle (cliche, I know). Clothes came off, people kissed and before we realised it I was doing it with my housemate that had just split with her bf."
"Other housemate joined in on the sofa. We moved to the bedroom. We did it for what seemed like hours and then went to sleep as the sun was coming up. Next morning we were all very hungover and a bit mortified. We went about out day but we didn't really mention it for a few days."
"Eventually we agreed it was a silly mistake and never to speak of it again. One of the housemates moved out and we were a bit distant for a year or so. All good friends again now though, two of us are married to other people."
Why Me?
Seth Meyers Whatever GIF by Late Night with Seth MeyersGiphy"I've been in FFM and MMF. Both times the other two were more into each other and pretty much left me all by myself. Stuff is rough, yo."
Life lesson... be adventurous and try it all. But be smart and emotionally prepared. Sex is fun but it's not a game, unless you agree to play some games. Then be game.
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Talk about hindsight, I cry when I think about my past financial mistakes. And it all started with those damn CD deals... I hate you Columbia House!! Also, I believe several libraries have me on a watchlist, should I ever dare to rent another book without settling my debts.
No Thanks
Lift Off Moon GIF by StakinGiphy"My friend: hey you should buy these bitcoin things, they're only 20 cents each and it's sort of an interesting idea."
"Me: oh, yeah, sounds interesting... I'll look into it."
"Never looked into it."
- dedokta
Tasmania
"My now wife and I were renting a terrace house for $50 a week. The landlord who was a very strange cat offered to sell us the house if we paid the weekly rent for 10 years. Rent per year was about $2600 so for $26000 we would have owned a house. We were 20 years old and ten years was forever so we said no. That was my BIG mistake."
"To people who have asked: The house was in Tasmania. About 40 years ago. At that stage I was earning about $250 per week. It was double story, 2 bedroom terrace house. We bought a house about 6 years later for about $75000. We knew the landlord, he was divesting a lot of properties he owned."
Peanuts
"Was a 10-99 day trader out of college. Didn't pay taxes for a year or two. Making peanuts, IRS won't notice, right? The penalties were more than the original amount owed. Had to put $6,500 on a credit card (bad choice #2). Sent me on a 20 year whirlwind of credit card crappiness. Should have paid my taxes. Should have set up a payment plan with the IRS."
"Turning down the only 6-figure salary I've ever been offered because the job required travel for 6 months of the year. I could've spent a year or two there and then gone on to bigger and better things, seems like a reasonable sacrifice in retrospect."
- libra00
Be Smarter at 22
Dummy Feeling Dumb GIFGiphy"Getting a payday loan when I was 22. It was small and I got out of it, but I can get definitely understand how someone can get caught up it it and not get out."
These Are The Worst Job Interviews Ever | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
I'm so confused about this Bitcoin. Yay or Nay? Someone let me know. And lesson one for the youth, read all the fine print when signing off on loans. You'll never escape them.
Kim K Coin
Kim Kardashian GIF by KUWTKGiphy"Gotta be the Kim Kardashian app. I quickly established the need to delete it. As I was spending actual money. For fake clothes."
Years Later
"My ex and I moved in together. Paid half each for deposits and all the bills etc. I took out a 4k loan in my name and bought furniture with it, I also bought us a 1.5k bed on finance. My mistake was not getting it in writing that as I was paying the loans anything purchased with that would be mine. I walked away with an £800 telly and nothing else and was still paying the loan off for 1.5 years after I moved out. In the future, I will be keeping receipts and written agreements!"
Mismanagement
"Taking the advice of a financial advisor in 1996 to invest $5000 into a labor-sponsored mutual fund rather than buying Apple stocks like I wanted. Current value of mutual fund: $200 and in litigation for mismanagement Calculated value of Apple: $5,800,000."
- milesmac
Maxed Out
"I took out the max on my grad school loans because it was important that my ex was able to stay home to take care of our 2 year old daughter. It was a great decision for my kid, don't get me wrong, but I now have a mountain of loans that I thought we would use both our incomes to pay off. Instead she left me for a dude with more money."
- timp_t
Bad Baby
"A friend convinced me that Beanie Babies will continue to rise in value. I've lost over 25 thousand dollars I had "invested". Plus, I still pay every month for a storage unit to keep these toys."
Deep Cuts
"Joining Cutco. I only ever sold a few of the damn knives. However, I will admit that I like their products. I still use one on a regular basis and it's held up well."
Life lesson? Be smart. Enjoy your money but don't outspend your means. You're not a Kardashian. And be thankful for that. Also, money is never free. There is always a catch. Be aware!
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Oftentimes when we make mistakes as a kid, it’s because we truly do not know better in that situation. Everything is a learning experience, whether we ask for it or not. But as an adult, there are some things we think about in our childhoods that make us cringe.
The mistakes we make as a child can be regrettable. Tiny222 asked:
What is the worst thing you did as a kid, and still feel guilty about?
It’s best to not beat yourself up about things you did in the past, but sometimes it’s hard not to.
Thank goodness he recovered.
“My friend and I discovered that a lighter and spray paint creates a flame thrower.
Anyway, I accidentally burned the side of my friend's face. He's recovered just fine but I'll never forget how loud my dad yelled at me when his mom came knocking on the door.”
She definitely knew.
season 3 hug GIF by Animal Kingdom on TNT
Giphy
“Stole a quartz rock from my grandmother. I had one very similar and was convinced it was mine and that I had left it there. She told me it wasn't mine, gave me a hug and a kiss. And, as a six year old, I just fixated that it was mine. And I'm 99% sure it wasn't. Nothing is ever 100% but yeah. My grandmother, who did nothing but love me and shower me with love, affection, and attention, did not deserve to get her knickknack stolen by me.
By the time I was a teenager, it totally ate me up. I never confessed and I wished I had. After she died, I had a dream where she came back to see me and the first thing I did was cry and apologize.”
I’m sure the pigeon forgives you.
“I once threw a rock at a pigeon. I didn't mean to hit him - I just wanted to see him fly off. He was pretty.
I hit the pigeon. I still feel bad about that.”
We don’t always understand as a kid.
“I have a mentally ill family member and as a kid I could never make sense of it or why my parents weren't doing more. It was difficult to deal with and I remember one day when I was like 7/8 years old I blamed my mom for it, raised my voice at her and everything.
Almost 15 years down the line I still feel very guilty about it. I don't remember exactly what I said but I can very clearly remember the look on my moms face.”
We all make mistakes when we’re young, and sometimes we think they are unforgivable.
Pickle head will be avenged.
pickle GIF
Giphy
“My siblings and I called the only other kid at our bus stop "pickle head" because he always wore a green beanie. We were relentless, too, and teased the f*ck out of him. One day he tried wearing a different beanie (red one) and we ramped things up calling him "tomato head".
It's been almost 2 decades and I still don't know what the poor kid's actual name was.”
This is heartbreaking.
“Wrote sh*t like ‘I hate you. You're the worst mummy ever and I hope you die. Have a terrible day’ etc. all over my birthday card to my mum because she said I couldn't go out to play on my bike before we went out for dinner. She died a month later from a sudden brain aneurysm.
8 year old me knew it wasn't my fault and I hadn't meant what I'd said in a temper but I felt bad for wishing it on her all the same and cursed the horrible timing. I feel sad that we never got the chance to talk about it as adults and laugh about it together.”
At least they learned their lesson.
“I shot a bird when I was 5. My mom forced me to watch it die. That had a lasting impression and I became a huge animal lover.”
“Reminds me of my cousin and I running around with a BB gun and we finally hit a bird and ran over excited to find it. It just suffocated slowly and we stood there bawling. Now he's killed humans so I guess it had a different effect on each of us.”
Luckily, usually when we mess up as a child, we almost immediately learn our lesson. Sometimes being an impressionable kid is a good thing.
At least it didn’t have money in it.
youtube kids GIF by Guava Juice
Giphy
“I stole from a friend of mine.
A while back Burger King had a line of toys with its meals and one of the "toys" was a wallet. I do not remember what the branding was, but I remember it being really really cool.
So one day I'm visiting a friend of mine and I see in his room that he has the wallet. I was insanely jealous so when he wasn't looking I took everything out of it, hid the contents around his room, and pocketed the wallet. I then spent the rest of the day hanging out and playing and at the end of the day left with my new prize.”
Poor Knight Rider.
“A poor large Irish family on my street gave one of their sons a black trans-am model car as his only present at Xmas. They told him it was from Knight Rider, his favourite show. It wasn't, but it was a cool model. Not a small one, but a decent sized effort with opening doors and the like. A good present basically.
We, although mainly me, then told him (on Xmas day) it wasn't Knight Rider. He was really young, like 7, while we were about 12. He got upset and insisted it was Knight Rider. We then told him to prove it. By throwing it, a lot, at the floor, wall etc. Knight Rider was bullet proof so it shouldn't get damaged...
In the end the model was scratched, dented, and doors and wheels were either hanging on by a thread or had fallen off. He was dead upset, and his family gave him hell. Always cringe and feel terrible for being a git at the time. I wasnt really a nasty kid but that was one time I deeply regretted being a bit of a sh*t just to get giggles from my friends.”
It’s kind of Lego’s fault, tbh.
'When I was 8 I studiously watched how my dad filled out checks. So, when the moment struck, I Stole a check from my parents check book, crossed off their names and wrote mine, wrote it out for 80 dollars to Lego, signed my name, and fired it off in the mail with a order form for a giant Lego semi complete with warthog fighter plane.
I forgot all about it until a few weeks later it actually showed up.
What's astounding is that they not only accepted this TOTALLY fraudulent check, but mailed the item off.
Of course my parents were furious. My mom found out when the bank called, laughing. So what did she do? She contacted the police and staged things, took me down there and scared the sh*t out of me. They talked to me about stuff like JV, theft. Then my mom took me to meet the bank manager and I learned about fraud and how it could put me in prison.
What's killer is that Lego customer service tried to laugh it off, but they refunded my mom obviously. But holy hell, the worst part was my dad and mom, for the next for months, to years, would frisk me in check out lines. It was pretty extreme but we'll, I'm no thief and I now work in the fraud department at a bank!"
If you’re like these people and have a memory from something you did as a child that makes you cringe, do your best to forgive yourself. Kids are dumb, and you were dumb too.
Luckily, as we grow up, we learn from our mistakes. That’s the beauty of becoming an adult.