Listen ... we know you don't want to hear it, but 2020 being over won't actually change anything. 2021 is going to start out at least as gnarly as 2020 has been, and whether that gets better or not is probably going to involve some long and exhausting fights.
The flaming dumpster fire we are all in is probably not going to go away any time soon.
One Reddit user asked:
What is an absolute truth that no one wants to hear?
We're not gonna lie. A lot of the stuff in here is a total buzz-kill, however honest it may be. Yes, we can learn from it all - but it's totally normal to be kind of bummed out about it all first.
Proceed with caution if you're in a position where the wind might be easily sucked out of your sails.
Preaching To The Choir
artie abrams choir GIFGiphyAt least pertaining to Reddit where US politics are concerned...
We are not a good representation of the voting population in the United States. Mainstream Reddit and the Twitterverse are but a small part of actual voters. Regardless of how overwhelmingly in support of a candidate we all might be, it's not a good indicator of how much support someone (like Joe Biden or Bernie Sanders) actually have.
Less a fact and more my opinion now: I think Reddit tends to do their political activism on Reddit only, to where they receive overwhelming support...from other Reddit users. It does nothing for their actual community or spreading a message, while still giving them the satisfaction of having made an impact. I think it's important to remember not to get complacent just because a bunch of Reddit/Twitter users support your views and your candidate. We are a very small potion of a much larger population, and we tend to do too much preaching to the choir, so to speak.
Mistakes Were Made
"It is possible to make no mistakes and still lose. That is not failure that is life." -Captain Jean Luc Picard
Conversely, it is possible to make many, many mistakes and come out ahead and people forget that.
They think taking a real risk is out of the question because of past "mistakes." And they feel like they cannot afford more mistakes. Like it's been too long, they haven't done enough, etc. And they don't push through and then they're staring at a wall at 29 going "holy s**t, I thought it was too late when I was 20. Now I'm 29 and it's definitely too late." But then you're 52 going "man my 29 year old self should have made some more mistakes, they could have handled it." Etc. I'm not 52 but I read and interact a lot with people older than me.
Anyway all this is to say mistakes are neutral markers of what works and what doesn't. Doesn't work, fix it. Works, improve it or keep it the same.
So take a risk, life's a gamble. Buy the ticket, take the ride, all that jazz.
Love
Just because you love someone it doesn't mean they will love you back. No matter how hard you try to get them to, they just won't.
- hei_fei
You can't love someone into loving you. Gotta keep telling myself that one.
I broke up with my boyfriend 4 months ago because I no longer had feelings for him. He's still not over it and has been acting like a psychopath. I think I made the right decision. You can't force someone to have feelings for you by harassing them and their friends.
You know what's an even harder realization, even if you both love each other, it doesn't mean you can make a relationship work.
You'll Be Forgotten
After a generation or two after your death, no one alive will have any memories of you. Your life, everything you did, and all of your struggles and achievements will all be forgotten. You'll just be another one of the billions of forgotten souls whose names, faces, and life stories have all been lost to time.
Strangely uplifting, reminds me that I don't have to do jacksh!t to impress people - among other things
Remember all that time before you were born? And how people didn't know you were going to exist? It was just nothingness. Not good or bad, happy or sad. That's what it will be like generations after you pass.
- Zachsyd
Easy As Pie
Life is easier for attractive people.
I once went on vacation with one of my very attractive friends. I was absolutely floored at the amount of people that just went out of their way to help us, give us free stuff etc. But I also noticed if someone ever told her no she would lose her sh!t. She just wasn't used to it.
When I was thin, I never noticed it. Then some stuff happened and I gained a bunch of weight. I was stuck in my house during the period I gained weight so it was just a total 180 when I was able to go out again. I'm no morbidly obese or anything and no one is mean to me, but people just aren't as nice as they used to be.
I never realized it until it was gone.
Attractive people just don't realize the benefits of being attractive. People just gravitate to you more, it's easier to make friends (of both sexes), it's easier to connect with people and you're given more opportunities as a result.
It's not even about sexual attraction (though it can be) but people just naturally gravitate to you more.
I never realized how much that was true until it went away.
I noticed this going the other way. Even as a guy (where theoretically it seems to matter less), I noticed more positive attention and agreeableness from most everyone than I had before. It's not that they were rude or dismissive before or anything. It's that I got glossed over and ignored more frequently.
The most uncomfortable part is, after noticing this change in behavior, I realized I've always been guilty of it too. I'm not mean to less attractive or heavier people, but I do focus on them less when I'm not actively engaged in conversation with them.
It's weird. And subtle.
Exact same thing happened to me. I'd been overweight to mildly obese all my life. Then, about 10 years ago I dropped a lot of weight and discovered exercise. Without false modesty, I look quite ok now. I really notice how people are just so much nicer to me.
It used to be that people either try to ignore me, or show strained smiles because they have to. Now I get attention, people flirt with me and do not get annoyed when I ask them to do something for me. I honestly did not expect how different people would treat you.
And just like you, I only became aware that I do this too when it happened to me.
- saugoof
Nobody Else Cares That Much
GiphyYour spouse/child/home/job/vacation, etc. is not nearly as important to anyone else as it is to you.
Yeah I have a friend who goes on and on about his daughter.
I really don't care and it's boring, but he enjoys talking about her so much and I'm happy to see a father so consistently excited about his kid. So, ya have to listen and seem interested - I'm sure people give me the same kindness about a few things too.
The deeper cut on this is that that's okay. You're supposed to care deeply about the things in your own life, and other people not caring about them doesn't make them less important.
This is one of the things Instagram culture has taken away from us -- the idea that you're doing great even if nobody likes the photos of the breakfast you made or knows who you are.
For most of human history, most of our emphasis and energy was spent on our families and immediate communities. Now we're all flailing to "matter" to a bunch of strangers we probably wouldn't like in person and it's wrecking our brains.
Family Tree
Just because someone is related to you doesn't mean they are a good person.
Also, to add to this, just because someone is related to you, doesn't mean you have to like or tolerate them. Sometimes for people, friends are your true family because they accept you for who you are. They choose to stick around with you. Not because they have to.
I don't speak to my abusive father and never will again, nor his side of the family. I'm estranged from one of my sisters already and I don't like most of my extended family. I do not appreciate their morals.
You won't lose much at all by cutting some family ties (circumstances depend though, ofc). You'll be much happier in the long run once you establish your life, who you are and what you need/want for your future.
- danyatma
Just Cuz
No matter how nice you are, some people will be a$$holes to you just cuz.
As an avid people pleaser that takes it very personally when people don't like me, I have to remember this!
Working in retail is going to be the death of me. People can be such unbelievable a$holes. Just because you're having a bad day/life doesn't mean you can take it out on the girl working in the store you're buying flowers from! And it's always the elderly that are the meanest, in my experience. I'm so glad for masks because I don't have to fake smile anymore.
Challenging
You need to have your views challenged. Being around and positively engaging with people who disagree with you is one of the healthiest intellectual practices we can do.
Okay, but I hold my views for a reason. I'm not interested in being "challenged" on whether LGBTQ people deserve respect or whether poor people should be left to die by society or whether it's okay to lock people in cages away from their families because they wanted a better life. I'm just f*ckin' not interested.
And that's what people mean when they talk about "having your views challenged" or "a fair and balanced discussion" - they mean giving equal weight to cruel, bigoted, or outright nonsensical ideas. You can miss me with that sh!t.
- NikkoJT
So long as that engagement is in good faith. Don't waste your time or emotional health engaging with a bad faith arguer
My beloved late boss was a man with many businesses and a large staff. I was fairly new and told him in a meeting that his latest idea wouldn't work and why I thought so. You could have heard a pin drop in that room! I was later informed by others not to do that, ever. He and I started working closer together and I was always honest with him when I thought he was wrong. I always told him he had enough yes men. Needless to say as the years went on he sold off most of his holdings and I was his one lone employee until the end. He always told me that he needed someone to challenge him and give him a different view. He was a wise man and a wonderful mentor and I will always be grateful for the knowledge I got from him. Even smart people need to be challenged sometimes.
You're In Your Own Way
You are probably the cause of your own problems because you refuse to look within yourself and deal with it.
(To be explicit, some people do have a variety of problems that are imposed upon them for a variety of reasons. But that still doesn't mean responding in such a way that it exacerbates everything.)
- Hynjia
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Redditor onlyusemefeets wanted to hear about the worst of everyone's family, so they asked:
"When did you find out that someone in your family is evil?"
The Reddit community rose to the occasion to shed some light on their family skeletons.
Money Issues
Wild West Fighting GIF by Buyout FootageGiphy"When they ripped apart 3 generations of my family almost immediately after my dad died for a measly $37,000. He's a millionaire. That kinda money is pocket change to him."
Good Lord
"When my 11 year old cousin got cancer."
"Her mom and boyfriend were shooting up her pain medicine. My cousin was in so much pain, she told her Doctors. Thats when the doctors stopped giving her mom a prescription and the nurses dispensed her pain meds at the hospital. Unfortunately they could not keep track of medication while at home so they reported it."
"CPS removed her. She died shortly after in foster care. Parents were never charged."
dead-parrots
Death
"When my dad died of covid my Aunt tried to say she was entitled to some stuff of his since it belonged in the family. She even called a lawyer on us and it was big deal and my mom didn't need to deal with that trying to raise 3 kids on her own so f**k her. She still bothers us about stuff and all it is like plates and some pictures and some other things."
"Sunken Cost Fallacy"
"My brother's addiction has led to him spinning some ridiculous stories. I'm not sure if he is very convincing or if my father chooses to believe him because of some 'sunken cost fallacy,' or he genuinely refuses to give up. But my brother has told lies and stories about me and my siblings to the point that he's the only child who talks to my father anymore. He convinced my father that I forced him to do drugs."
"But I knew my brother was evil when scared away my sister with physical violence. Last month, he went missing for a weeks only to turn up after flipping his car high on pills. My father doesn't know it yet, but my mother is planning on leaving him because my father chooses my brother over her. No one can convince my father that he's enabling. No one can convince my brother to stop. Hard drugs really destroy entire families."
sleepypanda59
A New Family
Frustrated Skip Bayless GIFGiphy"When he purposely excluded his 4 year old son (from a previous relationship) from his wedding to his new spouse, deleted all photos of his son from his social media, and legally signed away all parental rights. He has since had 2 more kids with said new spouse."
FeminaCanadiana
How can parents act that way?
Failure...
"I don't know about evil, but my dad got remarried and has a kid and stepson with his new spouse. All of that would be fine if he didn't pretend that none of us (offspring from first marriage) exist so he can pretend this family is the first family and we never happened."
"Once this realization hit me, I stopped contacting him, and once I stopped putting in the effort, everything else dissipated. We haven't spoken at all. He does not care in the least. I honestly believe that he wishes we never even existed. He is a failure as a father and as a man."
Raindrops_On-Roses
Oh Brother
"When my husband's brother (1 of 5 siblings) said he couldn't make it to our house to plan their mother's funeral because he had to work. Meanwhile we found out he wasn't working because we caught him on ring doorbell entering the moms house to rifle through it while the rest of us were planning the funeral at my house."
Legitimate_Energy257
The End
"When my ex said 'you've been a godsend, I want a divorce.' I had taken time off from work to take care of her parents. She told me this right before her dad died, and she inherited. She found a boyfriend while I was with her parents. She got the house by declaring I had abandoned it. I was with her parents."
rollercoaster_5
Evil
Season 5 Nickelodeon GIFGiphy"When my dad tried to throw my 6 month old sister when he was drunk. That man is a monster in disguise"
iinattanii
So many people really need to be screened for their abilities to raise kids.
Redditor thunderchild10 wanted to discuss everyone's thoughts on the friends with benefits scenario, so they asked:
"What's your opinion of friends with benefits?"
I've never done FWB.
I feel robbed.
After a while...
Friends With Benefits Herkenbaar GIF by GoPlayGiphy"Fun, and fine for a while, but less fulfilling than a relationship. Also, you both need to be good at compartmentalization, otherwise one of you will likely end up catching feelings."
Akiram
Be Clear
"My FWB caught feelings even though we were always clearly communicated as FWB. We were both in a big but really close friends group. I got a gf (she had recently had a bf as well) and she got mad. I ended up losing all my friends. It’s been 4 years, and she actually successfully managed to get 20+ ppl to forget I exist."
"Wouldn’t recommend."
sadbudda
The Rule of Three
"I had 3 throughout college. Two ended in us dating and then breaking up. The only one that worked and lasted two years was me and an ex from high school. We never hung out but were cool after our breakup. Didn’t speak for like three years and then when we were in college we saw each other at the bar, hooked up that night, then like two days later she asked if I wanted to meet up and I said sure."
"Then it just continues for two years. We rarely spoke outside of the bedroom other than like ‘pick me up from the bar’. Overall it was cool but I think it’s very rare. You have to find two people who just don’t have any desire for each other other than when horny, which a lot of times is not the case in one side"
InternationalMouse56
Confusion
"I honestly don't understand it at all. Having any sexual relation with a person whom I don't love and who doesn't love me seems pointless and even scary to me. I guess I am over-sensitive or something, because the thought of being so close to somebody without actually having a connection, an exclusivity, without knowing if this will ever happen again, is genuinely horrific to me."
"I don't care what others do in the bed and with whom, but this kind of relationship is just not for me."
ZidanSufuzki
For Life
Corona Snap GIF by INTO ACTIONGiphy"If they can provide Medical, Dental, Unemployment, and Retirement benefits then they’re a friend for life."
Stupify_Me
Benefits are benefits. I'm in.
Forever
married single ladies GIFGiphy"It didn't work out. We couldn't keep it just friends once we started the benefits. We will celebrate our 19th wedding anniversary in 2 weeks."
dirtysecretsofmine
Hey Buddy
"Very messy. You gotta either be f"k buddies only, dating, or friends only. Trying to keep feelings out of FWB is too difficult."
MarthaTheTRex
"That's a great point. I agree that it's tough to keep feelings out of the equation. I think it's best to just be honest and open with your friend so that you both know the boundaries of the situation and can stick to them. That way, both parties can be sure that they're getting what they need out of the relationship."
Professional-Help114
Taking Chances
"Seems iffy to me if you want the friendship to lay long term. Doesn't someone usually catch feelings, so after the FWB finds a partner they want to keep, it leaves the other party out. Especially if the new bf/gf doesn't want you to be friends with someone you've had sex with."
"Yes? No? I'm not into casual sex for myself, so am I off base?"
lifehappenedwhatnow
Developments
"A lot of people are saying 'someone always inevitably develops feelings' and that it ends badly, but that's not been my experience. I'm still friends with a few of my FWB's that I'm no longer sleeping with over the last couple of years and I'm genuinely happy for them that they've found relationships that make them happy. And I know of quite a few others similar to me."
playswithf1re
In Sync...
Sacha Baron Cohen Thumbs Up GIF by Amazon Prime VideoGiphy"A great plan when both participants are on the same page. Whether that is 'stay FWB' or 'hey we caught feelings, let's give a relationship a try'. A mess when only one participant catches feelings."
Gwywnnydd
Don't get hurt...
"Terrible idea, someone always inevitably develops feelings and gets hurt."
"It can work sure, but in general, unless you're both 100% sure (which, how can you ever really be?) beforehand that you won't develop feelings for each other, I generally have seen it not work."
"In my personal experience, someone always had to break it off just as feelings were starting to arise. So yeah, be careful I guess."
PodcastingPodcastGuy
What have we learned?
Communication is key.
Do you have any WTF FWB experiences to share? Let us know in the comments below.
