Listen ... we know you don't want to hear it, but 2020 being over won't actually change anything. 2021 is going to start out at least as gnarly as 2020 has been, and whether that gets better or not is probably going to involve some long and exhausting fights.
The flaming dumpster fire we are all in is probably not going to go away any time soon.
One Reddit user asked:
What is an absolute truth that no one wants to hear?
We're not gonna lie. A lot of the stuff in here is a total buzz-kill, however honest it may be. Yes, we can learn from it all - but it's totally normal to be kind of bummed out about it all first.
Proceed with caution if you're in a position where the wind might be easily sucked out of your sails.
Preaching To The Choir
artie abrams choir GIF
Giphy
At least pertaining to Reddit where US politics are concerned...
We are not a good representation of the voting population in the United States. Mainstream Reddit and the Twitterverse are but a small part of actual voters. Regardless of how overwhelmingly in support of a candidate we all might be, it's not a good indicator of how much support someone (like Joe Biden or Bernie Sanders) actually have.
Less a fact and more my opinion now: I think Reddit tends to do their political activism on Reddit only, to where they receive overwhelming support...from other Reddit users. It does nothing for their actual community or spreading a message, while still giving them the satisfaction of having made an impact. I think it's important to remember not to get complacent just because a bunch of Reddit/Twitter users support your views and your candidate. We are a very small potion of a much larger population, and we tend to do too much preaching to the choir, so to speak.
Mistakes Were Made
"It is possible to make no mistakes and still lose. That is not failure that is life." -Captain Jean Luc Picard
Conversely, it is possible to make many, many mistakes and come out ahead and people forget that.
They think taking a real risk is out of the question because of past "mistakes." And they feel like they cannot afford more mistakes. Like it's been too long, they haven't done enough, etc. And they don't push through and then they're staring at a wall at 29 going "holy s**t, I thought it was too late when I was 20. Now I'm 29 and it's definitely too late." But then you're 52 going "man my 29 year old self should have made some more mistakes, they could have handled it." Etc. I'm not 52 but I read and interact a lot with people older than me.
Anyway all this is to say mistakes are neutral markers of what works and what doesn't. Doesn't work, fix it. Works, improve it or keep it the same.
So take a risk, life's a gamble. Buy the ticket, take the ride, all that jazz.
LoveÂ
Just because you love someone it doesn't mean they will love you back. No matter how hard you try to get them to, they just won't.
- hei_fei
You can't love someone into loving you. Gotta keep telling myself that one.
I broke up with my boyfriend 4 months ago because I no longer had feelings for him. He's still not over it and has been acting like a psychopath. I think I made the right decision. You can't force someone to have feelings for you by harassing them and their friends.
You know what's an even harder realization, even if you both love each other, it doesn't mean you can make a relationship work.
You'll Be Forgotten
After a generation or two after your death, no one alive will have any memories of you. Your life, everything you did, and all of your struggles and achievements will all be forgotten. You'll just be another one of the billions of forgotten souls whose names, faces, and life stories have all been lost to time.
Strangely uplifting, reminds me that I don't have to do jacksh!t to impress people - among other things
Remember all that time before you were born? And how people didn't know you were going to exist? It was just nothingness. Not good or bad, happy or sad. That's what it will be like generations after you pass.
- Zachsyd
Easy As Pie
Life is easier for attractive people.
I once went on vacation with one of my very attractive friends. I was absolutely floored at the amount of people that just went out of their way to help us, give us free stuff etc. But I also noticed if someone ever told her no she would lose her sh!t. She just wasn't used to it.
When I was thin, I never noticed it. Then some stuff happened and I gained a bunch of weight. I was stuck in my house during the period I gained weight so it was just a total 180 when I was able to go out again. I'm no morbidly obese or anything and no one is mean to me, but people just aren't as nice as they used to be.
I never realized it until it was gone.
Attractive people just don't realize the benefits of being attractive. People just gravitate to you more, it's easier to make friends (of both sexes), it's easier to connect with people and you're given more opportunities as a result.
It's not even about sexual attraction (though it can be) but people just naturally gravitate to you more.
I never realized how much that was true until it went away.
I noticed this going the other way. Even as a guy (where theoretically it seems to matter less), I noticed more positive attention and agreeableness from most everyone than I had before. It's not that they were rude or dismissive before or anything. It's that I got glossed over and ignored more frequently.
The most uncomfortable part is, after noticing this change in behavior, I realized I've always been guilty of it too. I'm not mean to less attractive or heavier people, but I do focus on them less when I'm not actively engaged in conversation with them.
It's weird. And subtle.
Exact same thing happened to me. I'd been overweight to mildly obese all my life. Then, about 10 years ago I dropped a lot of weight and discovered exercise. Without false modesty, I look quite ok now. I really notice how people are just so much nicer to me.
It used to be that people either try to ignore me, or show strained smiles because they have to. Now I get attention, people flirt with me and do not get annoyed when I ask them to do something for me. I honestly did not expect how different people would treat you.
And just like you, I only became aware that I do this too when it happened to me.
- saugoof
Nobody Else Cares That Much
Giphy
Your spouse/child/home/job/vacation, etc. is not nearly as important to anyone else as it is to you.
Yeah I have a friend who goes on and on about his daughter.
I really don't care and it's boring, but he enjoys talking about her so much and I'm happy to see a father so consistently excited about his kid. So, ya have to listen and seem interested - I'm sure people give me the same kindness about a few things too.
The deeper cut on this is that that's okay. You're supposed to care deeply about the things in your own life, and other people not caring about them doesn't make them less important.
This is one of the things Instagram culture has taken away from us -- the idea that you're doing great even if nobody likes the photos of the breakfast you made or knows who you are.
For most of human history, most of our emphasis and energy was spent on our families and immediate communities. Now we're all flailing to "matter" to a bunch of strangers we probably wouldn't like in person and it's wrecking our brains.
Family Tree
Just because someone is related to you doesn't mean they are a good person.
Also, to add to this, just because someone is related to you, doesn't mean you have to like or tolerate them. Sometimes for people, friends are your true family because they accept you for who you are. They choose to stick around with you. Not because they have to.
I don't speak to my abusive father and never will again, nor his side of the family. I'm estranged from one of my sisters already and I don't like most of my extended family. I do not appreciate their morals.
You won't lose much at all by cutting some family ties (circumstances depend though, ofc). You'll be much happier in the long run once you establish your life, who you are and what you need/want for your future.
- danyatma
Just Cuz
No matter how nice you are, some people will be a$$holes to you just cuz.
As an avid people pleaser that takes it very personally when people don't like me, I have to remember this!
Working in retail is going to be the death of me. People can be such unbelievable a$holes. Just because you're having a bad day/life doesn't mean you can take it out on the girl working in the store you're buying flowers from! And it's always the elderly that are the meanest, in my experience. I'm so glad for masks because I don't have to fake smile anymore.
Challenging
You need to have your views challenged. Being around and positively engaging with people who disagree with you is one of the healthiest intellectual practices we can do.
Okay, but I hold my views for a reason. I'm not interested in being "challenged" on whether LGBTQ people deserve respect or whether poor people should be left to die by society or whether it's okay to lock people in cages away from their families because they wanted a better life. I'm just f*ckin' not interested.
And that's what people mean when they talk about "having your views challenged" or "a fair and balanced discussion" - they mean giving equal weight to cruel, bigoted, or outright nonsensical ideas. You can miss me with that sh!t.
- NikkoJT
So long as that engagement is in good faith. Don't waste your time or emotional health engaging with a bad faith arguer
My beloved late boss was a man with many businesses and a large staff. I was fairly new and told him in a meeting that his latest idea wouldn't work and why I thought so. You could have heard a pin drop in that room! I was later informed by others not to do that, ever. He and I started working closer together and I was always honest with him when I thought he was wrong. I always told him he had enough yes men. Needless to say as the years went on he sold off most of his holdings and I was his one lone employee until the end. He always told me that he needed someone to challenge him and give him a different view. He was a wise man and a wonderful mentor and I will always be grateful for the knowledge I got from him. Even smart people need to be challenged sometimes.
You're In Your Own Way
You are probably the cause of your own problems because you refuse to look within yourself and deal with it.
(To be explicit, some people do have a variety of problems that are imposed upon them for a variety of reasons. But that still doesn't mean responding in such a way that it exacerbates everything.)
- Hynjia
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Do we even have a clue that they're the "one" that got away? How long until it sinks in? And how do we not know there isn't another "one" coming behind them? I have no answers. Just asking...
The Draft
Episode 1 Omg GIF by RuPaul's Drag RaceGiphy"The girl who summoned up the nerve to ask me out towards the beginning of high school. I was so humiliated by the life my family was living that I stalled until she gave up."
"Betsy, if by some stroke of dumb luck you're reading this... I'm so sorry. It was 25-27 years ago, but I still hate myself for that. You were beautiful, intelligent, a good person, and if I had anything resembling a stable, presentable home I would've said yes in a heartbeat... I had a crush on you since 7th-grade 'intro to drafting.'
I Love Her
"Weird, I was just confiding in my mom about this last night. I'm late but for catharsis's sake I'm going to post. My first girlfriend is a classic case of you don't know what you have until it's gone. She's the complete package. Beautiful, intelligent, compassionate, and so kind. We started dating when I was 17 and broke up when I was 21."
"For reference I'm 30 now. I was an idiot. I wanted to play the field. I wanted to party and hook up with college girls. It was fun at first but after a while I felt this gnawing hole in my heart. The feeling of doubt crept up slowly and still, a decade later my chest feels tight thinking about it."
"I didn't realize until my later serious relationships that getting along with your SO's family is so important. Her mom and step dad genuinely treated me like a part of their family. It's not a stretch to say I literally grew up with these people. I spent some of my most formative years with them. Birthdays, Thanksgivings, Christmases, you name it. They celebrated me and my accomplishments. They genuinely cared about me. Just amazing, salt of the earth, lovely people."
"Her birthday was in March and I sent her a text and we ended up talking for a bit. She's happily married and stable with a daughter and a second on the way. I'm genuinely so happy for her. She deserves happiness. I just wish I was a part of that. Sitting at work 10 years later I'm tearing up. I numbed myself out to it for years, it's so strange to me that I've been so stuck on her lately. Is this normal?"
- direct07
15 Years Later
"My very first real love. I was a teenager and I didn't really know how to be comfortable in myself or with myself. I played silly teen girl games and lost him even as a friend. Now 15 years later I still think about R from time to time. I genuinely hope he's happy in his life."
"Edit: Wow this blew up while I was sleeping. Thanks for all the sweet words and to everyone with their "one" congratulations! I suppose I hadn't looked him up on social media because I'm scared, scared he won't respond, scared he will respond, scared he'll think I'm a stalker. I'm in a happy relationship now, but what if... Etc etc etc. But I'll give it a Google."
Missed You Much
rhythm nation dance GIF by Janet JacksonGiphyA girl I dated in high school. Went on a date one time she took me out parking and I was too stupid to realize it.
"She always talked about moving away as soon as she got finished with high school. I always thought I would stay in a little town the rest of my life. Turns out I was the one who left and move to another state. Later I heard that she had told someone that I knew that she thought that we would be married at some point. Missed it by that much."
Ok... I've been a bit blind to the light. People can be cruel, but also highly creative. Why not just lead with the truth? It'll always hurt more after lies.
Chuck E.
Chuck E Cheese Wink GIFGiphy"Ah the rare AskReddit question I can answer."
"I met a wonderful woman circa 2013-2015. We worked at what I can best describe as an upscaled Chuck E Cheese. Or ghetto Six Flags. Your choice."
"We hit it off instantly, though at the time I was rather romantically inept. Eventually, she says she's leaving to join the Air Force. I tell her I'll miss her, and wished her well. The thought of asking for her number so we could stay in contact didn't even cross my mind."
"Cue the next day, I stop for lunch on my way to work, and as I'm walking to my car I hear my name being called. I turn around, and it's her, running toward me. Universe giving me a second chance, right? Wrong. My dumb butt still didn't ask for her number. She looked a little upset, and I still think about her often. Desiree, I hope you're doing well."
The Getaway...
"He was my first and last love. I was 16 and he was 18 when we met. We bounced around like idiots, on again off again, finally got together mid 20s. We both fell into bad habits - drugs and alcohol, more booze for me, more drugs for him. We had some bad things happen that were pretty detrimental to staying sober. We would split, reconcile, get sober, fall off the wagon, split, etc... repeat as necessary. We realized we were very bad for each other unless we could BOTH just get sober for ourselves, and split."
"Ten years later, I was sober for 7 years (still am, going on 18 years end of this month, actually! Woo, go me!) and he was beginning to come back, sober about a year. He contacted me, we met, talked about trying again. He said that once he had been totally clean for a year, we'd do it. That whole "Don't make any changes for a year" thing. I would visit him, tho, things were good."
"He woke up one morning feeling bad, thought he had the flu. (This was pre-now) I stayed around because he was sick, but neither of us thought he was drastically bad, just the flu, right? He got worse and worse, finally we called an ambulance because he got up from a nap and couldn't breathe. He died in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. Aortic dissection."
"He got away, but someday I'll see him again. I never stopped loving him, and him me. We just weren't good for each other."
Ce la vie...
"My most serious Ex."
"Don't think I truly understood love until I met her. Loved her more than I ever thought I could love anything. It eventually ended when she told me that, through no fault of my own, she had fallen out of love with me. That was 2 years ago, still hurts to think/talk about."
"Ce la vie..."
The Avoid...
"I'm in the middle of trying to avoid that right now actually."
"It's not worth the heartache trust me. I fought to stay in a relationship for an entire year. If I would've just let her go the first time she wanted there would've been a lot less pain. We would've left on good terms. I would've lost a lot less sleep. Rip the band-aid off because once the band-aid starts peeling it's inevitable it'll fall off with time."
Kim Tate Eye Roll GIF by Emmerdale
"My ex and I broke up over 3 years ago. Mutual breakup through a lack of communication on both ends I feel."
"Thought I was over that hill until this week she messaged just to say hey and ask an innocent question. We text for the best part of the day and it's brought up a lot of old feeling. Feeling pretty bitter sweet right now."
Love is a mess. Why even bother trying if you can't be true? It's not hard to just spell out the situation. And if you're the one needing to put together the words... look closer. The dialogue shouldn't be difficult.
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.