A Twitter user kicked a hornet's nest with a question that keyed on the site where some of modern life's most biting, passive aggressive behavior goes down:
THE WORK EMAIL.
But unlike a swarm of poisonous insects, this "hornet's nest" is downright hilarious and wildly relatable to so many people.
Twitter user delia paunescu (@deliap) is the hero of the day. She's clearly been working with plenty of office life's most wishy-washy divas lately.
i've recently become obsessed with all the insane corporate ways we say normal things to each other. "I’m a little… https://t.co/HKWzdrTJVF— delia paunescu (@delia paunescu) 1580313802.0
Apparently plenty of other people have at least noticed the very unique vernacular of corporate life, as just over 21,000 replies proves.
Or perhaps "noticed" doesn't quite get at the heart of these repliers' emotions. Perhaps "seethed" is better.
Or maybe "interpreted with horror" is more accurate.
After all, this passive aggression isn't about dishes in the apartment. Healthcare benefits, Paid Family Leave and Casual Friday's are on the line here, people.
This one—the fake apology with a left hook—is a classic.
@delia_p @mattdpearce “I’m sorry; I think my email/statement probably wasn’t clear. Hopefully this helps” = you’re… https://t.co/gjFl0adD0I— Naima Cochrane (@Naima Cochrane) 1580325817.0
@delia_p Maybe not insufferable but I absolutely love how “per my last email” is code for “do you even know how to f’ing read?”— Briana McDougall (@Briana McDougall) 1580315280.0
How does one gently remind a superior that they do, in fact, exist?
@delia_p “I wanted to follow up” - you forgot didn’t you? Didn’t you? Am I a joke to you?!— Jamie Keller (@Jamie Keller) 1580317450.0
@delia_p “As previously discussed” = I didn’t put in writing last time because I thought you were an adult.— Mitch Dinkins (@Mitch Dinkins) 1580317855.0
@delia_p "Thank you for your feedback! I'll be sure to keep it in mind!" <- your criticism is completely irrelevant… https://t.co/ABhnDZoolb— FerretXilla (@FerretXilla) 1580317548.0
Never good when your boss begins an email with a sentence containing no verbs.
@delia_p "A few things" !!!!!!! You done it now !!!!— Leah (@Leah) 1580317216.0
And, for some gentle office drama resolution...
@delia_p I have nightmares about hearing "Team, let's make sure we're all aligned."— Samantha Rosen (@Samantha Rosen) 1580318096.0
@baddestmamajama/Twitter
@delia_p “We’ll table that for now” and “let’s sidebar” are fun ways to get shut down in a group chat— Aoife “Fe” Baker 🦕🐯🧠🌈 (@Aoife “Fe” Baker 🦕🐯🧠🌈) 1580322214.0
Well this one is just plain aggressive.
"This should be more of a listening session for you" is the nicest way I've ever been told to shut the hell up. https://t.co/3UkoNzTOdG— Jackson Lanzing writes weird. (@Jackson Lanzing writes weird.) 1580322665.0
"i was under the impression that ..." which is my professional way of saying that you are not only wrong, but addit… https://t.co/ND06AoLXkJ— kylie 🌸 (@kylie 🌸) 1580324693.0
@delia_p @UrsulaV Stealing from somewhere but it’s true: “I hope this helps!”=never ask me for anything ever again— Lala Escargot, collector of curses 🎉 (@Lala Escargot, collector of curses 🎉) 1580317568.0
This one here provides some passive aggression in real time.
@delia_p @UrsulaV Two from this very morning: “Thanks for looping me in” = You should’ve come to me 27 emails ago… https://t.co/6neeDnW3qM— Hipster Viking Amy (@Hipster Viking Amy) 1580318485.0
@delia_p "Just to clarify" = I'm gonna ask this question again, simpler this time, so you can see exactly how stupi… https://t.co/LxqAu7ByZx— Charlie Bressler (@Charlie Bressler) 1580329215.0
Quite sure the dynamics of email introductions will elude everyone forever...
@delia_p "While I understand your urgency..." = "Procrastination on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part."— Bärí A. Williams (@Bärí A. Williams) 1580328016.0
@delia_p 'In the future, please correspond directly with (..) on this issue' = Do not, I repeat, do not message me… https://t.co/dx1dqgKFRW— Chevron Summers (@Chevron Summers) 1580330361.0
High marks to this one for using the word "minions."
@delia_p “Give the details to my associate.” Read: You’re too insignificant for my time, but just important eno… https://t.co/k8GbnkN2W5— Jack Lynx (@Jack Lynx) 1580329081.0
@delia_p "Has the policy changed recently?"= I know the policy, and maybe you should try reading it.— Tepid Librarian (@Tepid Librarian) 1580337943.0
The long con...
@delia_p “What I would say is....” = I am in fact about to give you my opinion on something, but first I’ll preface… https://t.co/749bEd2Gee— Martin Wahl (@Martin Wahl) 1580405108.0
It feels relevant to close with this scene from the 2007 film Charlie Wilson's War.
Besides the insane hair and glasses, note how Philip Seymour Hoffman's character has zero interest whatsoever in email niceties.
Direct confrontation is important for reducing office conflict. But no one is recommending you throw a chair through a glass window.
Maybe a phone call or a face to face would do the job?
Redditor unripenedboyparts wanted to hear about the horrors we've all been witness to, so they asked:
"What is the creepiest thing you’ve seen in the woods, or in the mountains, or in deserts, or caves, or in small towns, or in big cities, or in hotels, or in remote or rural areas, or while asleep, or home alone, or while on large bodies of water, or while on an aircraft or a nautical vessel?"
I don't camp.
I don't hike.
I don't do wilderness.
And this is why...
Textures
Life Smash GIFGiphy"Coming out of anesthesia from open heart surgery, every time I closed my eyes I could see a perfectly formed brick wall inches from my face. I could see the texture of the bricks through the paint, the mortar, all in perfect detail. Every time I changed rooms, the wall would change colors."
GlobalPhreak
The Wolf
"I was up north. Far North British Columbia, Canada working in a (oil) rig camp out in the woods. I was working as a cook, I went out one afternoon for a smoke on the back deck. It was about 2 o'clock n the afternoon. It was a very quiet, still winter day. It was snowing those kind of big snowflakes that make it look like the world is moving in slow motion."
"So as I was standing there smoking, just staring off in the distance not looking at anything particular... you know looking left right, up down at my feet whatever. I felt something looking at me. Then I looked straight ahead. About 30 feet or less in front of me was the tree line of the forest, and directly in front of me in-between two trees I see the most gigantic wolf I have ever seen."
"This thing sitting looked like it was the size of a man standing. It was massive, sitting there and just staring right at me. We locked eyes, then I looked away for a split second and then looked back and it was gone. I don't know, it just gave me the weirdest feeling. It was definitely like, "hey.. I see you, I could eat you... butttt I won't, k byeee"
"Something I'll always remember."
vatersgonnavate
It’s absolutely unnerving...
"I live in a really remote part of Alaska. I think the scariest thing I’ve ever encountered is how silent the woods/tundra can be in the dead of winter. I’m talking like 'I feel like I am about to go insane' quiet. It’s absolutely unnerving. I become hyper aware of my heart beat and my breathing sounds like a f**king airplane taking off."
"And I know a lot of people will say 'it’s because a predator was near by' nah man, some places up here just have nothing. That’s what really freaks me out. I am absolutely alone in this one spot. I could drop dead and no one would ever find my body."
idontcareilikedogs
The Sow
"I rounded a corner in a trail in the Appalachian Mountains and came face to face with a sow black bear and her cub. Same situation, we locked eyes, she seemed to convey - look dude, I can un alive you in a second, but I’m not about it today so just be patient while I dig these bugs outta this hillside. I sat and watched this bear and cub for prob 20 mins at a safe-ish distance."
m0992104
Who Are You??
Video Games Gamer GIF by Call of DutyGiphy"There must be wilderness dwelling gamers out there, because I found a pile of xbox games in the mountains. Like two dozen in a pile in a remote location."
LittleBkGuy1
Those gamers are sneaky.
It Flies
David Choe Love GIFGiphy"Hallucinated a flying whale alongside the night time flight from Alberta to Ontario when I was 12. It was snow white, seemed friendly enough. Roughly the size of a blue whale."
jakebreakshow
Onto the Rocks
"It happened when me and my parents were on vacation to some place near Spain when I was still little. We went to a little beach at some coastal town where I then immediately jumped into the sea with my swimming goggles on. I then crawled on to some rocks and walked around until I noticed a crab sitting on the rocks."
"I then traversed them carefully while trying to catch it, but it kept crawling away. This continued until I then followed it to a point where the little bay I was in ended and the open ocean began. So then little me decided that it was a good idea to jump into the open water to see if there was anything cool down there. I then jumped in, and I was immediately hit with the cold temperature of actual ocean water."
"But the worst part was that even with my goggles on, I couldn't see anything down there. I was met with a giant black void. No fish, no plants, no rocks. Nothing. I then immediately turned around and began swimming back as quick as I could. And since that moment I haven't gone beyond the shallows ever again."
Successful-Seaweed12
Orbs
"This was almost a decade ago; I live in a town outside of Phoenix, AZ. It was late in the afternoon as the sun was starting to set. I went out in the backyard to smoke a cigarette and play fetch with my dog. As I was throwing the ball I noticed a small orb shoot from the ground directly into the sky."
"A few seconds later another one followed, and another, and another, and another. It didn’t stop for a few minutes. At first I thought it was a Roman candle but I just couldn’t hear but you’d normally hear them fizzing as the fly. I couldn’t hear anything. It was dead silent. To this day, I still don’t know what those were."
ThurSTIII
Appendages
"When I was a kid in the early 80's my parents had a house they rented out to people. We were cleaning it out after a set of unsatisfactory tenants and I was going through the kitchen cupboards making sure they were empty. I saw a mason jar tucked way back in the corner of one of the top shelves so I hopped up on the counter, stretched my arm, grabbed it and hopped back down. When I looked at the jar I saw a finger floating in a clear liquid. I set it down on the counter, walked out of the kitchen and called, 'Mom, I found a finger!'"
Narmer_3100
Jiggles
earthquake GIF by James CurranGiphy"I was on a fishing boat just off the Pacific coast and there was an earthquake. The water jiggled a bit as we heard a boom and a quick shake. Only time I was on water during an earthquake."
teebpix
This is why I don't fish. Not even on dry land.
Do you have any bizarre experiences to share? Let us know in the comments below.
