Top Stories

The Most Embarrassing Things People Have Ever Googled

Reddit user b-secret asked: 'what is the most embarrassing thing you have ever Googled?'

woman in black long sleeve shirt covering her face
Ivan Aleksic on Unsplash

I freely admit I'm of a certain age where my primary education occurred before the age of the internet—when our questions were answered with conversations with experts, encyclopedias or knowing how to use card catalogs.

My knowledge of the Dewey Decimal System is largely useless today.

Research is drastically different now—sorry Melvil Dewey. Internet search engines quickly became the difference between occasionally finding an outdated version of the information we were looking for and rarely not finding current information on the most obscure of topics.

Unless your Google game is super weak, you're likely to find what you're looking for or something close to it unlike the good old days when our chances were hit or mis—with lots of misses.

So what do we use this amazing, life-changing tool for?

Well...


Reddit user b-secret asked:

"What is the most embarrassing thing you have ever Googled?"

How Much?

"what's the alcohol percentage in 70% rubbing alcohol?"

~ LightsJusticeZ

"55% alcohol, 15% rubbing"

~ FishOfFishyness

Full House GIF


Giphy

Who?

"I Googled my work because I couldn’t remember my boss’ name after working there for 8 months."

"I just blanked and couldn’t think of it."

~ HCxTC

Spellcheck

"I Google how to spell restaurant all the time."

~ ParkOk6450

"I'm like that but with Febuary."

"EDIT: February"

~ NeoNero_x

"I go into incognito mode to check spellings of words I should know how to spell."

~ LordCaptain

Sally Kohn Grammar GIF by The Opposite of HateGiphy

Um, No.

"I was trying to find the name of those signs where a word is written down the side and each letter is used for a descriptive word."

"Confusing I know."

"So here’s an example: False Evidence Appearing Real"

"I know it has to have a name. So I googled 'Sign where every word starts with a letter' and Goggle responded with 'Did you mean a sentence?'.”

~ Team_Lift

Looks Like...

"Googled green beans once, was super high and forgot what they looked like."

~ testies2345

"I did the same thing with beets."

~ Jjetsk1_blows

green beans on brown wooden chopping board with chef's knife


Gaby Yerden on Unsplash

That Movie, With the Guy and the Stuff...

"I'll forget the name of a movie and just type in random sh*t I think I remember. Usually it works."

"Like 'that movie where the kid sleeps and has weird dreams and flies on a bed'."

"Works like a charm."

~ fohsupreme

Did They Have Blue Feet?

"big boobies"

"I was only 10."

"I was surprised to find some."

~ PoopPower99

"I’m 39 and I Google this every day."

~ dekkact

"They're nice birds but are they really worth Googling everyday?"

~ redwolf1219

boobies GIF

Blue-Footed Boobies

Giphy

Predictive Text

"I used to search something like 'no clothes' or 'without clothes' or something like that when I was a kid."

"Then I learnt the word NAKED because of the TV show Naked and Afraid."

"Then searched it so many times that my autocorrect started to show that word first when I wanted to type something."

~ sniper8207

The Shade...

"I like to Google Bing or Duckduckgo when I need to use them."

~ Reboared

Younger GIF by TV LandGiphy

NSF...S?

"My favorite band growing up was 'The Barenaked Ladies'."

"When I was at school, I once Googled them and clicked on a link that said 'free shows!'."

~ BW_Bird

Good Description

"I forgot what a 'gondola' was called so I typed in 'Thing that carries you through the mountains in a basket'."

~ TheGreatJaceyGee

"I once forgot the word for 'door' so my brain reached for adjacent concepts, smashed them together and threw them out my mouth: 'house portal'."

~ Tail_Nom

gondola ski lift GIF by Go TurkeyGiphy

It Just Doesn't Translate

"I have to search a random word 'auf Englisch' or a random word 'auf Deutsch'."

"Every damn day."

"It took me a minute to realize that there was no way to translate Schadenfreude into English."

~ grammar_fixer_2

Ah, Memories...

"I found out that as long as you're logged into Google, all your searches are saved to your Google account (I'm not talking about browser history)."

"So I looked back, and the 1st thing I ever googled after getting a Google account was 'Can ducks fly'."

"I've no idea why I googled this. I know ducks can fly."

~ caca__milis

GIF by MigrationMovieGiphy

You Ate What‽‽

"Once I was with some friends and I was telling them about how when I was a kid we only got to eat nuts as a special treat around Christmas."

"Then I mentioned how much I liked squirrel nuts and no one knew what they were. So I Googled 'squirrel nuts' with image search."

"Not at all what we ate at Christmas time."

"Finally found out what my family called 'squirrel nuts' were actually called hazelnuts."

~ 123fofisix

100% NSFW

"A few years ago my coworker and I were looking at the calendar at work. It had pictures of birds and we were trying to figure out what kind of bird was pictured for that month."

"I can’t remember what she thought it was, but I darned sure it was a Great Tit."

"We have a great relationship and have been working together for a long time but we tend to argue like an old married couple. So we went to Mr Google for the answer."

"Let me tell you that Googling Great Tit at work isn’t something I will ever do again."

"For the record, I was right. The bird was a Great Tit."

~ pi11bott

Great Tit bird

Great Tit holds an insect in its beak

A Perry on Unsplash

Hope some of these folks remembered to clear their browser and search histories.

So, what's your hilarious—or embarrassing—little Google secret search?

The Best Pickup Lines Of All Time

A Redditor asked: 'what's the best pickup line of all time?'

shallow photography of man hugging woman outdoors
Photo by freestocks on Unsplash

When it comes to flirting, everyone has their preferences of how they like to be flirted with. Some people like cleverly crafted pickup lines.

I always thought pickup lines were a cheap way to get someone's attention. That being said, there are some good ones out there. I've been on the receiving end of both. "On a scale from one to America, how free are you tonight?" and, "You must be the square root of two because I feel irrational around you."

Both got me to engage in conversation, and I even dated the guy who used the first one for a while.

I'm not the only one that knows some good pickup lines. Redditors have both heard and used some pickup lines and are eager to share their favorites.

It all started when Redditor Sauce_Dealer420 asked:

"What's the best pickup line of all time?"

Read It And See

"You put the sexy in dyslexic."

– koookyko

"This made me laugh so hard."

"Because I can read properly."

– TappedIn2111

I'm Hooked

"This girl I used to work with and I went to a bar after work and we’re having fun, and she leans over to tell me a joke. And she says:"

"Three boy mice and a girl mouse were all stuck in a room with no doors and no windows. One of the boy mice asked the girl mouse how to get out and she said, “Sleep with me tonight, and I’ll tell you in the morning.""

"The next day, he is gone. The second boy mouse asks the girl mouse how he got out and she says, “Sleep with me tonight, and I’ll tell you in the morning.""

"Next day, he’s gone too."

"So now the girl telling me this joke says to me, “Do you want to know how the last mouse gets out of the box?”

"And I say “yes.""

"And she says, “Sleep with ME tonight, and I’ll tell you in the morning”. All this while staring me in the eyes and smiling."

"I said, “Check please bartender!!""

"I forgot to ask her in the morning, but that was the best pickup line I’ve ever heard."

– reb678

Statistics

"The odds we sleep together are 50% because half of us agree so far."

– AlfheimKitteh

"Math is always super sexy."

– Acceptable-News-6811

Money, Money, Money

"Hey girl, are you the English financial system? Because I'm about to give you a weak pound."

– onemanwolfpack21

"Yo girl, do you know exchange rates? Because Euro 10."

– kkirchhoff

Winner, Winner

""Are you a magician? Cuz every time I look at you, everyone else disappears.""

"This line got me a wife and three kids. 😊"

– PRSHZ

One Liners

"Are you a beaver? Cuz damn."

– Starry_Night-

"If you were a fruit you'd be a fineapple."

– Slainna

"Hi, do you want to go for a ride on a Harley?"

"(My name is Harley) 😁"

– OMNIxvTRIX

No Losers

"If I asked you for a date would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this question?"

– SchemePale6222

"I got blue screen in my head."

"Explain please."

– TastyToothpasta

"You can't lose. Say no, the answer is yes. Say yes, the answer is also yes."

"Dang sounds kinda creepy writing it out like that. Still clever wordplay though."

– Steeze_Schralper6968

Clever

"My go-to was always:"

"I used to be a history teacher, so I know lots of important dates. Want to help me make another one?"

"A little corny, but it usually worked."

– StuffToday

Refreshing

"That one actually worked with my ex on the first try."

"-Hey, do you like water?"

"-Yes."

"-Then you like me in 70% already."

– azurskyy

Sneaky

"Would you date a complete stranger?"

"If she says “yes” you’re in."

If she says “no.”

“Then allow me to introduce myself.”"

– Blastspark01

Playing Coy

"Once a girl came to me and told there was somebody who thought I was cute."

"I asked her who and she said “Me.""

– evil_boy4life

Prop Lines

"You have to have a handful of limes available to do this:"

"Hold the limes, drop the limes in front of the lucky person. Then say 'Sorry, I'm not very good at pick up limes.'"

– cannibalcats

Egg-cellent

"Best one that worked for me was:"

"Me: How do you like your eggs?"

"Her: Over easy, why?"

"Me: Just making sure I have things right for when I make you breakfast in the morning."

– Radiant_Boss4342

The Best Line

"How you doin?"

– 2x4x93

"There was a time when this was the ONLY line you could use!"

– JohnsLong_Silver

That line would definitely work on me!

United States political map
Clay Banks on Unsplash

Twenty years ago, a question about politics and dating might have elicited very different answers.

But a large part of the United States seems to be getting more radicalized and more polarized.

While two decades ago most liberal versus conservative differences in the United States were about government size or spending, now it's about who has a right to exist or have body autonomy.

Keep reading...Show less
Man enjoying sangria solo
Sangria Señorial/Unsplash

When the cat's away, the mice will play.

That scenario could apply to many situations, but it generally refers to an individual enjoying temporary freedom to do as they please in the absence of a foe or constant companion.

In romantic couplings, this may involve a spouse or significant other finally engaging in private activity that could be frowned upon in the presence of the other person.

Curious to hear examples, Redditor shaka_sulu asked:

"Married folks, what's a non-sexual thing you look forward doing at home only when your spouse is away?"

Some people are happy to take up extra space.

Spacious Parking

"Parking my car in the middle of the garage."

– starkpaella

"Genius answer. It always brings joy."

– Heynicejobtoday

Hush

"The quiet. My husband constantly has the TV on, even if he’s not watching, and I enjoy silence."

– 2workigo

"This. My wife lived alone for many years and always has the TV on, even uses the one in the bedroom as noise to fall asleep to. The first thing I do when she’s gone is make sure all the noisemakers are shut off around the house. Well, except the cats. They don’t have off buttons."

– jaybeeg

Bed Positions

"Sleeping on the diagonal."

– snogweasel

"When you're there, I sleep lengthwise And when you're gone I sleep diagonal in my bed."

– downvotingprofile

Quiet Viewing

"I had a day off work today. Husband was at work, kids at school, so after I did the school run I came home, wrapped myself in our softest heated blanket, lay on the sofa and watched 3 movies with no interruptions. It was bliss."

– PheonixKernow

These Redditors can finally revel in their respective indulgences when they finally have the place to themselves.

Taste In The Finer Things

"The wife is a picky eater. When she is away, I either make a meal that she doesn’t like or I go to a restaurant that she doesn’t care for."

"It’s the little things. 😂"

– aizzo4

All Mine

"I cook almost all the meals. Almost being that we occasionally get take out. When I have a day off and my husband is working and my kids are at school/daycare, I go get breakfast and Waffle House. By myself. I sit there and eat a waffle, two scrambled eggs and bacon and I DONT HAVE TO F'KING SHARE! My husband despises Waffle House, but f'k I love those waffles. My parents used to have a waffle iron that made the traditional style waffles with the tiny squares until the cord shorted out. I miss them."

– missag_2490

Cheers

"My wife is in recovery, six years sober, and I support her in every way possible including, obviously, no alcohol in the house. If she’s away for a few days, I’ll grill me some steak tacos and wash them down with a really good Cabernet."

– Tom__mm

"I’m a recovering addict and I think you’re a great husband."

– JLHuston

Screen Time

"Watching TV shows he'd never watch, on the big TV."

– sexrockandroll

"There isn't an ancient aliens, shows from the early 80s (chuck Norris and Jack klugman), or horror movies that he won't watch - pausing every 3 seconds in case I miss something - that WE have to watch. When he travels for work I relish the quiet. Even the weather channel is enjoyable."

"My love for my husband has no end but he has the stupidest taste in shows yet whines if I would rather deep clean the basement than deal with any of it."

"But I can only deep clean the basement so many times..."

– Big-Mine9790

To each his/her/their own.

The Organizer

"Deep cleaning and reorganizing. I know, I'm a real party."

– Dependent_Top_4425

"You are my people. The garage door is hardly down before I'm getting busy!"

"There is not one thing better in this whole world than having some alone time in my spotless house."

– Individual-Army811

Everything But The Kitchen Sink

"Hike all day, get the sh**ty chinese takeout that she hates and I love despite knowing full well it’s objectively not good, and drink some nice beer while watching movies all night."

– holographoc

Establishing Order

"Putting things down and having them still be there when I want them."

"Having a clean house that stays that way for more than 30 seconds. I love him, but he's just a whirlwind of plates and seltzer cans some days."

– Lyeta1_1

When my husband's away, I watch all the horror films that have been stacking up in the queues of my streaming platforms.

He has a weak stomach for gore and violence, so we often avoid home invasion movies or slasher flicks and instead stick to comedy, drama, or dramedies, and documentaries.

Which is all well and good.

But when I have the place all to myself, I bust out the wine and Doritos and watch the latest Halloween or Scream movies I've been missing out on.

We've all had a conversation with someone where they say something where they've said something incorrect or inaccurate.

Sometimes, our gut reaction is just to laugh, as it was an honest mistake, such as mixing up a pair of celebrities or misusing or mispronouncing a word.

Other times, we might feel the need to put them in their place and not only correct them but educate them.

Then there are the times when we have just heard something so shockingly inane that we are left completely and utterly speechless.

Redditor Moo1124 was eager to hear all the dumb things the Reddit community heard which left them dumbfounded, leading them to ask:

"What's the stupidest thing you've ever heard anyone say?"

Before You Denounce Something, Make Sure You Know What It Is

"'I don't believe in astronomy'."

"We asked her if she meant astrology, and she asked, 'which is the one where like, you can tell what stars are made of?''

"We confirmed that was astronomy'."

"'Yeah, I don't believe in that'."- octohog

That Explains All The Traffic Jams?

"That when you press on the horn of your car, it lowers the amount of air in your front right tire due to it helping make that horn sound."- Boomstick123456

Oh, Dear...

"I was walking around the ruins of the ancient cliff dwellings at Mesa Verde just outside of Mancos, Colorado, (where the Ancient Puebloans lived from approximately 550 A.D. to 1300 A.D.) when a visitor asked the tour guide:"

"'Why did they build their homes so far from the highway?'"- badwolf1013

driving los angeles GIF by HOLLYWOOD LOVE STORYGiphy

Ribbet...

“'I can shoot with my left hand, I can shoot with my right hand, I'm amphibious'."- Master_Grape5931

Racist No Matter What...

"Apparently when my daughter was first born she looked vaguely East Asian."

"Enough, at least, for the nurses to ask if I was sure it was my baby."

"Now that was an incredibly weird thing to say to a new dad meeting his daughter for the first time, but it wasn't the stupidest thing someone said about this situation."

"That happened when I was retelling the above story to a client in a meeting."

"He asked to see a photo of my kid as a newborn, remarked how she really did 'look Asian', and then proceeded to ask if I thought my child might end up having an Asian accent when she got older."- JoeyCalamaro

"Where are you from, China or Asia?"- SonaPen22

Cbs No GIF by HULUGiphy

When Life Gives You Lemons

"Asked someone if they drove a stick."

"They responded, 'no, I drive a car'."

"Now I have a dad joke I’ll remember forever."- 99problemsbut

ID Please...

"I once found a big bulldog in my back yard."

"I don't own a bulldog."

"He was a big friendly, but slow witted guy."

"He look healthy and had a collar but no tags so I knew he was a local."

"I made sure he had water and went to the front yard to start knocking on doors."

"As soon as I stepped outside I saw the family three houses down all gathered in their front yard."

"So another case closed for our young detective."

"I walked over to them and said, 'You guys missing a bulldog?'"

"The mother looked at me and said, 'Is his name Tyson?'"

"The question took me aback."

"I mean, he didn't have tags."

"They knew he didn't have tags."

"So all I could think to say was, 'He didn't say'."

"'But I'm pretty sure he's yours'."

"To this day I wonder if that woman knew how dumb that question was."- Spodson

looks stupid english bulldog GIFGiphy

Under The Influence

"Stoned friend ."

"What year is February in?'"- IHave47Teeth

Woof Woof...

"My teacher told a class of 16-17 year olds about that super loyal dog in Japan who walked to the train station daily for nine years to wait for his owner, who died at work."

"After hearing that story, a girl raised her hand and asked 'Why didn't somebody just tell the dog?'"- Senator_Ruth_Martin

That's Why The FDA Warns Against It...

"When I was 12 years old a friend told me 'smoking is good for you because the smoke makes a shield around your heart when you breathe it in'."

"He argued that the smoke could prevent you from being stabbed or shot."

"Even at 12 I knew he was a moron."- ipondy

There's Denying Global Warming, And Then...

"Solar panels will cause a global ice age, because the law of thermodynamics states energy cannot be created or destroyed, so obviously they must be removing heat from the air."

"With no sense of irony of the scale nor efficiency (or lack thereof) of solar panels and their capacity to cool."- peptobiscuit

In Debt, Maybe...

"I knew a Finance major in college who thought he was worth $20k because he had two credit cards with $10k limit each."- alano134

No one loves a know-it-all.

Especially when they don't actually know anything at all...