Life will always through us curveballs. You can prepare and prepare and prepare to a fault but things will still go awry. It's how you handle yourself in those moments that matter. We must have a mantra, a count to ten mini-break, whatever can get you over the hurdle that the situation you planned meticulously has blown up in your face. But you can be saved.
Redditor u/OvertOperation needed to find some ways to avoid stress by asking... What "you know what, just to be safe..." thing you did ended up saving your ass later?
Damn you San Fran!
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Arrive in San Francisco a week into a trip. As we gather our things during a moment of downtime I go back to check the bus cause, you know, it never hurts. Found my passport, which i had no idea I'd dropped. gy6fswyihgtvhivr
This is why I check my passport religiously when I have it on me. I'm well aware it's in my purse but I gotta check at least fifty time on the way to the airport, at the airport, etc. had that thing stolen once when I was a kid and my mom didn't make sure it was still there so getting back into the country was a little hard. bajur
Hit the Brakes!
I had a car sitting on jack stands because I needed to do some transmission work. Before climbing under it, I thought it'd be a good idea to rock the car around. One of the jack stands was not in the right spot and the car slipped off it, slamming down on the front disk brakes. Would have killed me. Goyteamsix
A Blast from the Past....
This is from 30 years ago, so some details my be different these days.
After enlisting in the Army recruits get a list of everything they must bring to boot camp. On this list was a padlock. During "processing," the five or so days before the real training starts, recruits are given their military equipment including duffel bags and told to put their things (they brought with them) in the duffel bag. After finally getting everything in I was left with just the padlock. I had no idea what to do with it, but I noticed if I closed my duffel bag in a certain way, I could close the lock on the hook.
So when we get to the training unit and off the "cattle trucks" and a few hundred drill sergeants are yelling and screaming and telling us to line up, which we do, with our duffel bags in front of us. The drill sergeants then proceed to check if the bags are locked and if not they grabbed them at the bottom and whirled them around flinging the entire contents on the ground. Everyone in the entire company had their stuff dumped except for me and one other guy. Only because locking my duffel bag was the only thing I thought of doing. Putting it in my pocket was not an option because they were very clear about not having any "civilian" items in our uniform pockets. Berlin_Blues
Thanks Mom....
I've had a handful of these in my life. The one that popped in my head first was from a party when I was 16. It was in a small farm town about 20-25 minutes from my actual town and everyone was out partying in somebody's parent's barn and having a real good time.
I didn't realize that our DD had been drinking all night. When it was time to go, I couldn't even tell she was tipsy. But something wasn't right so I didn't want to drive back with them. For whatever reason I decided to get the verbal tongue-lashing from my mom when she came to pick me up. Well, my friends in the first car were apparently veering across the road. Got picked up by the cops and all of them got to spend the night in jail.
Glad I opted for my mom. Economy_Cactus
Nah... Screw that!
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I was going on a road trip. We packed everything in the trunk. Then I realized that I forgot to check the air in the spare tire. Faced with unpacking the and repacking, I thought "What are the odds? We've had the car for years, never had a flat, we probably won't have a flat now."
Then I thought "screw that" and tossed the floor pump I use for my bicycle into the trunk, "just in case."
Got a flat in the middle of nowhere. Spare was too flat to drive on. Floor pump saved my butt. It gets packed on every trip now. Zorkeldschorken
How dumb ARE you?
My friends and I were always giving stuff to another friend because he was never wearing the seatbelt while driving. One night another friend and him drove me home, it was pretty late and we were all tired, when they dropped me off I told him "use the seatbelt you dumba**."
The next day, around lunch time, I got a call that my two friends got in a car accident, the dumbass fell asleep while driving my other dumba** friend's car. They hit a parked car, which hit the car in front of it and got stuck into a wall. The parked car acted as a ramp for their car, they flipped over and slid like 20meters upside down.
For some reason the dumba** had his seatbelt on for the first time ever and he didn't get injured, both of them crawled outside the car without a single scratch. If I'm not wrong my friend in the passenger seat broke his pinky tho. Dumba** learnt his lesson and his seatbelt is always on now, even when he's in the passenger seat. yellowrubberduck3
Take 10!
Take 10 before you send has saved my butt countless times.
Means take 10 seconds to re-read your email/post/whatever written communication before you send. Emails, especially in the workplace, last forever. Meaningless_Is_Life
Avoid Iceland....
I had originally booked a rental car for a trip to Iceland using my credit card points. Two days before, I canceled and booked it with my credit card which provides rental vehicle coverage because it looked like the weather wasn't going to be great while we were there and I wanted the extra protection. While there, we got into an accident for which we were not at fault. The car was almost a total loss and I had to pay $12k+ out of pocket to the company. It took a few months and a ton of paperwork, but the credit card company refunded all of it. I still think about how so so lucky it was that I changed the booking. I would have been ruined for a very long time otherwise. othercrazycatlady
Warranty Always!
I bought a used Subaru Baja that was 5 years old at the time and had 75k miles for $12k. The salesman offered an extended warranty that covered the engine for $2500, would last 3 years/36k miles. That was kind of a lot, and I usually don't buy those. I don't know what got into me that day, but I said sure.
One month and 750 miles later after an oil change at a mechanic shop, oil started shooting into the.... pistons? I'm not good with cars, oil went where it wasn't supposed to go. Completely ruined the engine and turbo.
The dealer had to keep it for 3 weeks, the warranty company flew someone out to inspect the car, and eventually approved a replacement engine, turbo, and any other affected parts. Total repairs cost almost $11k, and the warranty then applied to all the new parts too.
Car drove like it was brand new! Later discovered the car had 5 previous owners before me, but I couldn't find any accident or serious repair history. This is probably the only time buying an extended warranty on something actually worked out in my favor. Comicspedia
Send it Back!
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I bought a really nice tablet a few years ago, a Wacom Intuos Cintiq (essentially a drawing tablet built into a laptop) for animation and the like. Sometimes when you buy nice things they come in nice boxes and for some reason I don't really want to throw this box away immediately. I put it in the storage area of my basement and forgot about it. After only about a month this $2500 tablet stopped working.
It wasn't dropped or damaged, and I'm still not sure how it broke. It would simply try to boot up and fail, crashing and demanding a restart. I called support and after several calls and many hours, we were unable to resolve the issue. They said I could send it back and get a new one if it wasn't physically damaged. They told me it NEEDED to be sent back in the original box. I now keep boxes for everything I buy until the warranty expires. p
I can tell you from experience that airplanes are not a good idea. Don't ask me how I know. A lady never kisses and tells, but highlights are ok. There will never be enough room and the movies are lying.
Like Glue...
Melissa Mccarthy Falling GIFGiphy"I lived in Australia for a bit and our studio had this black pleather couch. It looked exactly like that casting couch meme so we tried it for fun once. My ex sweats a lot even when it's not 40C out, but it was and we stuck to the couch like glue."
The Sting
"On a hike in a wildlife refuge. We went off the trail to a more remote area. Was all fun and games tell I got stung on the penis. Was after the event had ended when I was briefly exposed, the little moron went right at me. We joke about it regularly, I'd say it comes up monthly. Just out of the blue she will say "hey remember when you got stung on your penis?" Yes, I remember and will never forget."
Up a Tree
"A "treehouse" that was actually a plywood shack on 6' stilts. It was pretty old and the plywood was splintery, so he laid down an old towel for me (you know, like a gentleman.) Also it was too small for me to fit in any direction, so my head stuck out the door. I stared at the sky and just... And that's the story of how I lost my virginity! A close second would be the bed in his semi-abandoned house full of the semi-abandoned hoarded belongings of his mother. But that's a different story."
Walk Away...
"Met a girl online and we tried to do it at the park. A cop showed up before we started and told us we had to leave. We went back to our cars which was at a small shopping mall. We went behind the shopping mall and got it on behind a dumpster. It worked out well so we met up there again a week later. Except that time, as we were walking away, a dump truck picked the dumpster to empty the trash. Was hilarious at the time but frightening looking back on it. This was about 10 years ago."
Keyed Off
Piano Performing GIFGiphy"I don't recommend on top of a piano. Very uncomfortable and not at all the experience we envisioned."
Scratchy...
Screaming The Voice GIF by NBCGiphy"Bottom of cliff next to the ocean. Turns out I have an allergic reaction to coral and my back was scratched the hell up from it. It was windy, wet, and itchy. Runner up is a movie theatre."
Smoked
"In a literal smoke house... lost my virginity with about 50 rings of deer sausage hanging around to dry. My friend and his dad were gone and we were like "this seems like a great place!" At least when I went home I smelled like venison instead of sex."
"Well, if you find yourself stuck in a rut, it'll be something to fawn over."
Hey Fam...
"I'm not sure if this counts because we didn't get very far. But In a Burger King parking lot… He had a car, so we would park it someplace and hook up in the tiny little two-seater. I was sitting astride him and most of my clothes were off when he froze. I looked over my shoulder and the once abandoned parking lot was abandoned no more. A family of four were just staring at us through the windshield. We didn't know what to do so I just put my shirt back on and we drove away."
"we can hear everything"
"My childhood house had an enclosed porch that was level with my parents' bedroom window (it's hard to explain). You couldn't see into the porch from the window, but if the porch windows were open and the bedroom windows were open you could hear everything from either room."
"So my now husband and I were trying to have sex in that porch, having opened the windows cuz it was hot AH. My parents usually never opened their window and it was past ten, when they usually went to sleep. We weren't trying to be loud, but apparently we were."
"After we were done, I checked my phone and I had 5 missed calls and a text from my mother saying "we can hear everything" and "please at least use a condom". We didn't acknowledge it at the time but my mom got drunk a few years ago and told my aunt the story and said she was worried she was hearing the conception of her grandchild."
Ivy!
jerry seinfeld help GIF by HULUGiphy"After a drunken night on 6th st in Austin, girl and I were walking down red river st, she drags me in this bushy grassy area, we go at it, finish, call an Uber to west campus, continue going at it. The next day, we are super itchy, come to find later it was poison ivy, got it all over our genitals. Fun times. 10/10 would do it again though."
Also, be careful when and if you do it on a bus. You're never fully out of the driver's line of sight. Don't ask me how I know, I just do. Be careful out there but have fun.
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Redditor Pooky135790 wanted to know:
"What are the best adult jokes that are hidden in kids movies?"
These scenes really had us rolling.
Shrek definitely has a few innuendos.
"In Shrek talking about Snow White:"
"'Although she lives with 7 other men, she's not easy.'"
"Gets me every time!"
- Sregge
"The whole Duloc opening scene with the singing puppets. 'Please keep off of the grass, shine your shoes, wipe your…….face.'"
"Also in Shrek: when they get to Farquuad's castle, they note the large size of it, and Shrek asks if Farquuad is compensating for something."
"This joke is great because everyone can laugh at it."
"Kids will think it's a joke about his height."
"Adults will think it's a joke about his other kind of height."
Lord Farquaad Ok GIF by PeacockTVGiphyCars had plenty of jokes.
"In Cars when the two Miata ladies flash their pop-ups at McQueen"
"I didn't realize for years that that was the connotation."
"Look at that scene again and look at the photographers behind Mia."
"It took me a second but I think the one directly in the middle is zooming in on their posteriors lmfao."
- -Paint
lightning mcqueen car GIF by Disney PixarGiphy"Also the Piston Cup. 'He did what in his cup?!' Funny enough 10 year old me got that and my dad didn't."
"Also in Cars, when Mack is driving down the highway and wants to pull over into a truck stop to rest, the sign at the truck stop says 'Top Down Truck Stop, All Convertible Waitresses.'"
Robots had it's fair share of moments.
"In Robots the [father of the] main character and his wife get the parts for their robot child and exclaim, 'Making the baby's the fun part!'"
"Also the old lady bot, Aunt Fanny, has a lot of junk in her trunk."
Oh, Ratatouille.
"There is that one scene from Ratatouille, when Linguini is about to confess about how Remy is in his hat cooking for him, and says 'I... have... a little... tiny...' and right after he says tiny, Collette quickly glances down at his pants. I never even noticed it until someone pointed it out to me because it is pretty subtle and can be easy to miss."
"Seriously the best dick joke in a kid's movie."
"That and the time when the short lil chef guy catches linguini in the pantry and says, 'One can become to familiar with vegetables, you know!'"
ratatouille flirting GIF by Disney PixarGiphyCoco really went there!
"In Coco, everybody laughs when they say Hector died 'choking on chorizo.'"
"'Choking on chorizo' is Mexican slang for sucking d*ck."
"I mean the song Hector sings to his dying friend has the implied, but not spoken, lyrics: 'And her tits they drag on the floor...' (he says 'knuckles' but the guy shouts, 'those aren't the words!')."
- TerH2
What a forgotten gem Monster House was.
"Monster House."
"'That's it's uvula!' 'Oh.... So it's a girl house....'"
"Rick and Morty gets a lot of hate around here because of the sh*tty fan base, but Dan Harmon is a genuinely funny writer."
"Could not BELIEVE Dan Harmon was a writer on this 'til I googled Monster House; your point is a good one lol."
Even in Frozen.
"'Foot size doesn't matter' - when Anna from Frozen talks about her fiancé."
"Frozen 2, 'I like you better in leather anyway' when Kristoff dresses up for Anna at the end."
"My boyfriend and roommate and I all watched it and all three of us spat our drinks at that and we all did the 'Did we just hear what we think we heard?' look. Then we laughed for like 10 solid minutes."
Not a movie, but still good.
"There was an episode of Dexter's laboratory where the father kept going on about Dexter's mother's muffin, and saying he only married her for her muffin. The whole episode was filled with innuendo."
"'Your father is a muffin fiend, a muff-o-maniac, just the aroma can make him crazy.' Lol. Had to see it for myself."
"Season 2 ep 18 The Muffin King."
"There was the episode about DeeDee and Dexter having decoder rings! DeeDee says Dexter's club is for big 'I-D-K-S-C' Dexter decodes it, gasps, and says he's gonna tell mom. Lol."
Whispering French GIFGiphyChildren's shows may be for kids entertainment, but they're created by adults. No doubt they're going to slip in a few naughty jokes here and there.
Time to re-watch some old favorites and see what we missed when we were younger.
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