Cops Reveal The Stupidest Thing Someone's Done Right In Front Of Them

Even The Raccoon Doesn't Know

I worked as a small-town sheriff's deputy in a rural county. One night, I was running code to a domestic disturbance at a home a couple miles away. I was cresting a hill and noticed a pair of headlights in my lane of travel on a two lane road. I pulled up and noticed a beat-up old yellow pickup truck with the driver's side door open facing me and blocking the road. I then noticed a disheveled looking man standing in the ditch sheepishly holding an obviously upset raccoon by the tail. I stepped out of the car and yelled to the man, politely inquiring as to what was happening. He shrugged his shoulders and yelled "Sorry" before pitching the raccoon into the bushes. I didn't have time to ask questions, but told him to move the car out of the way so I could get to my domestic.

Months later, I ran into the gentleman in town, and he introduced himself as "the raccoon guy". I asked him what happened and he told me "I was driving along and saw two raccoons trying to get into the same culvert and they got stuck. I told myself 'I'll bet I could grab one of them if I tried', and went and grabbed him by the tail. Boy he was sure mad!" I asked him what he was planning to do with the raccoon, and he just shrugged and gave me a quizzical look.

ForensicSasquatch

Misogyny Played You

My roommate was a cop.

We were walking home after work (I passed right by the station on my way home, and she'd usually join me.)

She was still in uniform, badge and all.

We passed by a liquor store and a group of kids surrounded us and asked us to buy them liquor. She said "How old are you?" They said "16 that's why we can't buy it ourselves."

She asked them after she arrested them why they'd approach a uniformed police officer of all people. Their answer?

"We didn't think you were a real cop because you're a woman."

ligamentary

Causing Your Own Overdose

Oh jeez so many. Probably the guy who asked me how much crack I wanted to buy. I was in full uniform but he was looking down counting the rocks in his palm at night. I laughed and said "I'll take all of it!" He said "that's going to be like fifty bucks then" as he looked up at me. Realizing the error in his ways upon seeing me he ate them all. He got out of going to jail right then, but got a warrant for destroying evidence, and a ride to the hospital to have his stomach pumped. So kinda worth it for him I guess.

steelmelt33

Stop Getting Behind The Wheel Drunk, Yo

Driving down a two way road (1 lane each way). Car up ahead of me on my lane makes a u turn from the curb (he was parked) then proceeds to swerve towards my lane driving on the wrong side of the road. I slow down. He honks at me as if I'm in his way, he swerves back to his lane and keeps driving. I stop him ultimately after he hit the curb trying to pull over. Yup guess who got a DUI.

WarriorOfMandalore

Stupid Practices

Former criminal defense attorney. I once had a client who walked out of a hospital pharmacy, went straight to a UNIFORMED officer and tried to sell him his percocet he just got. My client was promptly arrested. He tried to tell me it was "entrapment." We pled him out quickly.

MyWifeDontKnowItsMe

But Is The Horse Okay

Not a cop, but I was behind the dumbass who did it in front of the cop.

Near my mom's house is a bunch of horse property, so it's normal to see the guys go by on their horses. I was behind a black SUV and see a police car parked facing the street. The dumbass in the SUV slowed down, just to veer toward and rev his engine at the horses. One was calm, but the other was freaking out. The cop's sirens came on so fast, it surprised me. Guy got his horse under control and the dumbass in the SUV got pulled over.

notastepfordwife

Last Second Decisions

I deal with stupid every day at work. But here is one that I always like to tell. Back when I was working gang unit we were in a residential neighborhood in East LA at night. We hear a car do a huge, long burnout. It sounded really close. We turned off our lights and waited for some gun shots but never heard any.

Just then a car goes flying by us. We turn on the lights and go after him. He pulls over right away and starts apologizing to us saying that his foot slipped off of the clutch. Yeah, right. A burn out that long and your foot slipped? Turns out, he just broken up with his girlfriend and he went to her house to do the burnout in front of it. Now, the interesting thing about working gangs is we don't do traffic or answer calls unless it is gang related. We f*ck with gang members. But we had to stop because of what he did and the neighborhood we were in. Since this guy wasn't a gang member, we were going to just let him go. We hadn't even run his license or even asked for it yet.

Now here is where it gets stupid. He looks at us and says, "Can I ask you something before you take me to jail?" My partner and I look at each other, ask him for his ID, and run it. Turns out he had a $15,000 warrant for his arrest. He was seconds away from going home and ended up in jail that night. Funny thing is, I don't think he ever asked the question.

SpicyMcHaggis666

What Happens At This School??

I was military police, and this happened back in 2012. I was doing a routine building check on one of the schools on base. Due to our security posture that day, I was in full battle rattle and had my rifle with me. At 6'2" and 220lbs, I am an enormous person with all that body armor and such on.

I turn the corner to check the back side of the school and see two teenagers sitting on a picnic table outside one of the doors. Mind you, this is a Saturday, so there's nobody in the building. The kid sees me, a giant wall of weaponry, and immediately throws something under the little P.E. shed.

My first thought was weed. We're on a military base. You can't have that sh*t. So I ask the kid what he just threw, and he immediately starts crying. The girl he was with had such a bewildered look on her face at the sight of him breaking down like that. Admittedly, I was also a bit surprised. The girl was 16 and the guy was 15. She told me that it was just a cigarette, so I made the boy fish it out from under the shed. Sure enough, it was just a Camel Crush cig, not even broken yet.

"Are your parents home?" I asked the boy. He shook his head. "You live on base, right? Go smoke these in your dad's garage. It's Saturday, anyway. Why are you here on school property? I'm not going to arrest you."

Suddenly he stopped crying and started praising me for being "the coolest cop ever" and thanking me for not bringing him in. As if smoking a cig was a huge deal on a military base full of nuclear weapons.

Later that day, coincidentally also on a school building check, I found two 14 year old boys sitting against the wall eating honey suckle flower petals. So that was weird.

Judoka229

You're Just Gonna Assault Him Right In Front Of Us Like That? Cool Cool Cool Cool

A strip club had told some patrons to leave but they refused to do so, another patron told them to leave and ended up arguing with them and was also asked to leave, they all refused to leave. We were called and because it was in an area we call a "Safe Night Precinct" (SNP), it was heavily policed and we happened to be right across the road.

About five cops went in and the patrons left when we told them to. We stood with the patrons on a platform halfway down the stairs in the club getting the names of the people to ban then from the SNP for ten days, there was about 5 cops and 4 patrons, 3 of them were together and the other was the one guy arguing with the group.

The lone guy has then walked toward one of the group and punched him in the face, knocking him out in front of five cops that were all recording on body warn cameras. The guy that was punched ended up with a broken jaw and pins in his face, waking with no memory of the night. the lone guy was charged with grievous bodily harm.

The mind boggles at some of the idiocy we see.

bennogf

Reversal Of Circumstance

Not a cop, but I witnessed this first hand.

I was on the Highway coming back from myrtle beach when I saw a black charger pull beside a dark grey mustang and do the whole "wanna race" accelerate and slow down thing. The charger kicks it and takes off, when the mustang flips on blue lights and takes off right after him.

Now, I don't know if this is the case for everyone, but in my neck of he woods undercover cops are almost always in chargers. Definitely wasn't expecting the mustang to be the police.

majorpsyche