People Divulge The Exact Moment They Knew They Were Going To End A Friendship
Photo by Everton Vila on Unsplash

This article is an ode to the "friend-dump" and the power of growth. Boundaries are awesome, dear readers. Growth and development are awesome.

Some of these friendships, though... not awesome.


They say friendships form for a reason, a season, or a time. If we're lucky, that time gets to be a really long one - but more often than not things are going to go sideways.

Sometimes friendships fizzle out, people drift apart, maybe someone moves or gets a new job... but every now and then there's one defining moment where you look at someone and think "yeah... I'm gonna have to friend-dump you."

Reddit user FeelThePower999 asked:

"What was the moment you looked at your friend and realized they were no longer a friend and you were going to cut ties?"

Sooooo yeah... boundaries. Let's watch people plow right on through them, shall we?

We're Too Old For Shunning

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"She threw a big 30th birthday party for all her friends. She purposefully invited one girl she'd had a falling out with to come two hours later than the party started."

"Before the girl showed up, she told everyone that the girl was a b*tch and we should all shun her. The poor girl came in with a big expensive present, so happy that her & her where mending things, just to be ignored and belittled by over 30 people."

"The girl left crying. I left not long after and ghosted the sh*t out of my ex-friend."

"She was a minor celebrity in my country. I already saw people take a lot of bad behaviour from her before this happened, but this just pushed me over the edge. People get weird around celebrities, no matter how minor." - fluffyfluffycake

Rooting Against Me

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"I was waiting for news of a big career opportunity for a few months, and the sound of relief and satisfaction in her voice when I told my friend it fell through made me realize how hard she had been internally rooting against me."

"Feeling jealous of a friend who has a good thing happen is just part of what it means to be human. But, in that moment, the fact that her response didn't seem mixed with any sympathy for my sadness made me look differently at the dynamics of that friendship."

"I think she genuinely liked me, but not being the "star" in our friendship was too much for her."

- chihuahuamama

Different With An Audience

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"When they started treating me different around other people."

"Together just the two of us, everything was great. In a crowd I became ignored except for when I was the butt of jokes. I'm not thin skinned, I'm not talking about not being able to take a joke."

"It's more that they act embarrassed to know me or want to distance themselves."

"You feel played, betrayed, let down and over all like a fool. I've come to realize it's 100% the other persons insecurity, though. Hurt people hurt people - and I don't have time for that insecure bull." - slugvegas

How Little Interest

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"I tried to talk to a guy who I thought was my friend about something going on between me and my Dad for a few minutes during a drive."

"He flat out silently stared at his phone - until I said something semi related about him. That is when he perked up and started telling me about how much money he'd made recently, and how he got all of this free weed from someone and boy was his life sweet."

"I sorta just 'mhm'ed' my way through it because it was obvious he had been ignoring me, and when he got to the end of his brag session he in all serious told me he was pretty offended at how little interest I showed in what he'd been saying." - CommercializedPan

Losing My Religion

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"When I told them that I left my high demand religion. They said we no longer had anything in common."

"What?? 30 years of friendship over in 1 conversation?! Plus, I had been out of the religion for years, but they never knew. Our friendship was fine."

"Once official, I was 'no longer trustworthy, sinful and lost.' That was the end for me."

"It's their loss, not mine." - Gotagoodkidney

"This happened to me. My husband and I left Mormonism and our best friends (so close we were like family) ghosted us over it."

"When my husband confronted his friend about it, the guy said a bunch of vicious stuff about us and claimed they'd never really liked us. It broke my f*cking heart."

"That was more than three years ago and I still have dreams where I'm trying to reconcile with them." - Confident_Basket8694

His Alibi

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"We kind of fell out a while ago and haven't spoken much, but today I learned that he seems to have been using me as an alibi to cheat on his wife."

"She texted me about us having drinks the other night & we haven't done anything socially outside of work since before COVID. Without going into detail I'm certain my confused reaction blew up whatever bull he's been telling her."

"I am not in the habit of lying to people & wouldn't cover for someone in this situation unless it involved a psycho abusive spouse, a "we went on one date" stalker - that kind of thing... Even then I'd need some kind of heads up beforehand!"

"So I don't know what he's been trying to pull, but any hope of rekindling any friendship is now 100% gone. I'm not his alibi." - 3dogsinatrenchcoat

The "Backup Wife"

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"I had a close friend from childhood who was very into the traditional lifestyle, with wife, kids, house with a picket fence, part of the PTA and church. Even in high school."

"He would date anyone that would have him, and ignore us until they broke up and he'd come crawling back. We were best of friends so we always were glad to have him back involved in our group. He went to college literally because he was looking for a girl to marry."

"He ended up dropping out after 2 yrs, and getting a job delivering auto parts where he started dating and married his boss's daughter. They popped out 3 kids right in a row, and every time I talked to him things were "great" but he just would stop responding to me more and more often."

"He was 110% devoted to his little family which was great, but he just stopped being my friend. I'd invite him to get together and he would always just say 'oh why don't you come over here, you can see the kids.' "

"That was fine, but his wife and he would just be on me the whole time about how I'm not really an adult because I dont have a family, my job was putting my ability to have kids at risk (firefighter) and that I basically only had value if I was breeding."

"So part of the distancing was me honestly. I didn't like having to put up with that just to see my friend."

"Long story short, his wife cheats on him, they divorced and she's instantly pregnant with another guy's baby. He comes to me broken over this and we get close again. Really close."

"I drove him to therapy, watched his kids while he was laying in bed all day, unable to get up and brought food for his family."

"I opened up about why I felt we drifted apart in the first place. He actually apologized and admitted he suspected that was why. I thought I had my best friend again."

"Until he met another girl and I started seeing less of him."

"He started flaking on me to hang out. When I did come over, the remarks about 'doing the adult thing' would come out again. His new girlfriend had 3 kids too, so he started joking about being the Brady Bunch."

"I hung on trying to keep the friendship together because I felt bad for not trying enough last time, but he was sliding back into the old him. I was sitting looking at a text he sent after ignoring me for a week that said 'lol, yes, well maybe you'll find a good woman like I did and finally grow up' "

"I suddenly realized I was the only one trying to be a friend, and I just didn't give a sh*T anymore. I deleted his number and haven't heard from him in 2 years. Last thing I heard from him was that text."

"I realized he didn't want to be my friend so much as I was his 'backup wife.' I was easy to fall back on when he found himself single, that's it."

"I'm thinking he may reach out again when he finds himself single again. I won't be there to answer." - The_Great_Blumpkin

Childhood Beauty

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"Friend invited me to see her 4 yo daughter perform in a beauty pageant. Ugh, I know, but whatever I wanted to support the kid."

"The little girl sang a sob song about some kid praying to Jesus about their dead mommy. My friend whispered to me that the song 'always won brownie points with the judges'. Again, ugh."

"After the girl performed she came to stand by us in the audience and my friend SMACKED the child's tummy and scolded 'suck it in, no one likes a fat kid.' "

"Yep, I was DONE. I walked out." - noseymimi

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Sounded Like An Incel

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"He started saying some pretty gross stuff about this girl who was his friend. She wasn't interested in anything more than friendship and he was pissed about it."

"I told him he sounded like an incel. That's when I started pulling away."

"The last time I saw him was after he got out of prison on bail and wanted to discuss why he was in there and why it was pretty definite he was going back after his trial." - ultravioletblueberry

Google Calendar

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"A former friend was going through a divorce that she had instigated by cheating on her ex. She was very, very upset that most people in her circle had sided with her ex."

"I did not pick a side, in part because I was very aware of the sad state of their relationship when she decided to end it. However, she began demanding that I pick a side."

"That led to a slow cooling in our friendship, which blew up one day when I met up with the ex for a beer. Right before we met up, the former friend started frantically texting, wanting to meet up."

"Turned out she had access to my Google Calendar and was following my motions through there."

"She was pissed that I met up with her ex (who was also a friend) and tried to sabotage it. After that I decided I was done with her."

"Too weird, too creepy and controlling. Still friends with the ex, though." - bonbonnibles

They Still Haven't Apologized

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"We were like glue for years. They got me through some of the toughest times, and I was always there right back."

"Then the final 3 years it began to be more and more about them. Would only want to talk if it was their hobby, their problem, their needs.'

"I still gave my all, and burnt myself out being there without a single boundary. I assumed we were operating at an unspoken 'if the roles were reversed, you'd do the same for me' "

"Then a few months back they changed completely. Got a horrible partner. Rude, bigoted, classist, all-round a-hole."

"And it was like I never existed. I was heartbroken. I did everything I could to fix that friendship."

"The day where I realized it wouldn't, couldn't, and I didn't want it to go back to how it was, was when we had a big, tearful heart to heart. They didn't care at all."

"They were upset because they'd lost me, but not because of ME. They were upset over losing what was, essentially, their free on-call therapist."

"Their a-hole boyfriend left them. Their life was becoming miserable and stagnated. Their other friends were also showing their true bad colors."

"I moved cities the next day."

"We agreed to be amicable. I've noticed I only get messages when they want attention. I don't rise to it anymore. We don't talk."

"Side by side, glued together for almost a decade, genuinely inseparable. And after a couple months of mourning… I don't miss them anymore."

"They still haven't apologized."

- mmgkayla

Gathering Intel

"No loyalty to our friendship."

"She made a lot of poor choices. Talked about me behind my back and then tried to play it off like she was 'gathering info' to tell me."

"She continued to like photos, and stay friends on social media with my ex boyfriend who assaulted me, and much more."

"I haven't cut it off, but I'm slowly distancing myself because I know she won't think she really did anything that big of a deal. Some people just don't care about you but are really good are telling you what you want to hear."

- zilazav

Ghosted

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"When we graduated high school, a friend of 5 years ghosted my boyfriend and me. This was the guy my boyfriend considered his best friend and was planning to ask to be his best man if he ever gets married."

"We would reach out when we knew he was coming to town through other friends. He always said he was too busy this time but maybe next time."

"According to a friend who went to the same university as him, he apparently wanted to have a restart. That meant erasing everyone from his life who didn't go to his college that was 2 hours away from our hometown."

"A year later he comments on a social media post, asking me how we are doing and saying that we should hang out. I'd like to say I had forgotten about him but actually I was still salty about the silent treatment."

"I unfriended him, deleted his number, and never heard from him again."

- RedPandaLily88

You Don't Traumatize A Child

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"Basically, my 'friend' and his partner are codependent. Like- on school nights, they'd sleep over at each other's houses and stay there for weeks on end."

"This dude practically couldn't live without his partner and the relationship is toxic and abusive as hell. One time, the partner was being practically disowned by their mom for being trans and had their phone taken away for a few hours while they 'thought about their decision.' "

"To be clear, I don't like this person's mother."

"Anyway, the younger brother was in the living room at the time when the mother walked in and started ranting about the partner, and the brother nodded along out of fear of getting into trouble as well."

"The partner, once they'd gotten their phone back, started telling everyone about this and claimed that their brother had talked sh*t about them and was transphobic, etc."

"This man tried to text this ELEVEN YEAR OLD CHILD about his 'relapse' (WITH PICTURES!) And it would've happened if one of our mutual friends hadn't stepped in and told him off."

"That's where I draw the line. You don't traumatize kids who just try to stay out of trouble."

"I pretend to be all Buddy-Buddy with this guy because his mom works at our school (he could seriously f*ck up my future if he tried) but I despise him."

- Sleeping-H0ll0w

The Common Denominator

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"She kept trash talking every one of her coworkers at every job she's ever held. Not that she had time to get to really know anyone since any job she had she would be at for only a few months (and no they weren't seasonal)."

"There would be looong periods of unemployment in between."

"Also- every place she's ever lived she's had problems with the landlords. So yeah. She was clearly the common denominator."

- Strawberry36

"The Look"

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"Another girl had just barely walked away from a conversation with our group when these two 'friends' started talking trash about her."

"I jokingly said: 'wow I hope you don't talk about me like that!' "

"The look they gave each other said it all."

- LightBringer54

Now that we've read Reddits stories, it's your turn. Tell us about the times you knew a friendship had run it's course. I can't wait to read these comments...

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