"The Weirdest Things Keep Happening To Me."
It can feel like the world is out to get you. Running late for work, misplaced keys, low on gasoline, and pigeon poop on your windshield can only happen every day for so long before coincidence becomes conspiracy. Reddit user, u/Hi_Im_zack, wanted to know about the weirdest things that follow in your shadow when they asked:
What's some weird sh-t that keeps happening to you?
When You Question Your Whole Existence
Automatic doors have a tendency not to open when I approach. Am I dead?
When You Can't Trust Your Parents
My parents are both vegan. I lean more towards being carnivorous. Over the past 5 years every girl i have dated has been either vegan or vegetarian. I swear my parents are planting them.
When You're A Stepping Stone To Their Happiness
Every woman I have dated seriously, have ended up meeting and marrying their husband right after breaking up with me.
So far the list is 5.
Some Call It A "PoPo Sense"
I have an eerie 6th sense for police officers.
No matter where I am, I will suddenly just get this weird feeling like when you can feel your mom watching you do something you shouldn't. And I can guarantee within 2 minutes of having that weird feeling, we will pass an officer. State cops, local, undercover, my talent apparently doesn't discriminate.
My husband has even started to recognize it because he notices me slow down without saying anything then notices the cop that always makes an appearance soon after! It's wild.
When Your Face Is Super Approachable
I'm a dude and random straight dudes always talk to me at the grocery store, Target etc.
They usually start by complimenting my shoes or something and then ask my whole life's story. It's only been since I moved to a new city.
When Phones And You Don't Mix
My phones keep self destructing in bizarre ways. Most recently, the vibration on my iPhone SE (three weeks old), turned on and didn't turn off again, despite numerous hard resets, until it just plain died.
It was a replacement for another SE which was (also three weeks old) refusing to play audio out of the left side headphone when plugged into headphone jack. It also added in ambient noise to otherwise dead silent videos that made it sound like I was filming right next to Niagra Falls.
My phone before this one started typing by itself. It would open the text app and go MMmm. Mmm mmMmm mmm. And then send that to people. It was so dang funny I just let it happen.
When You Control People's Actions
I will be thinking something like 'man, I wish my calves were bigger' and someone will come up and compliment me on my calves.
I don't know if I mumble my thoughts sometimes or what, but it's kinda scary.
Karma Lightning Rod
I think my friend is some sort of karma God. Every time someone does something mean to her, something really bad ends up happening to that person. And I know, bad stuff happens to everyone, but it's pretty soon after they do something to her. Some examples:
- A guy she was dating cheated on her and left her for the other woman. A week later, he gets into a car accident and is disabled. He comes back to her saying that the other woman left him because he is in a wheelchair now. Tried to get her back, she declines because he left.
- This one girl in high school was making fun of my friend for the way she walks (she had some back surgery so her posture is very straight, some people think it looks weird) girl slips and falls on her face a few seconds later and breaks her nose
- Yet another guy cheats on and leaves friend. Other woman ends up stealing his wallet and valuables and just up and leaves a few weeks later. He tries to get friend back, she declines.
- Random drunk girl in a bar walks over to friend and sticks her whole hand in friend's drink. A few hours later random girl has a minor allergic reaction to something she ate, her face swells up and turns red and she has to leave.
These are just a few of many examples I could think of off the top of my head. Funny thing is, I've known this girl for ten years and people are rarely rude to her. She's extremely attractive (think young Monica Bellucci) but every single time, without fail something bad happens to people that are mean to her. She is now engaged to a dude who seems really cool. After they started dating her got a promotion at work and a great deal on a car. I don't know if she even connects the dots. It's just really strange.
Coincidence Becomes Conspiracy
Every person I date turns out gay. None of them knew it at the time. I'm still friends with all three of them (barring the most recent, things are still awkward) and two of them are in a relationship right now. It's like I've got some kind of reverse gaydar. Once is a coincidence, two is happenstance, but three times? God is laughing his a-- off somewhere.
FOR THE LOVE OF GUITARS, TELL BILL
I'm a guitar player, have been for a number of years. Four times now I have found someone who I play really well with, we get along great and make wonderful music.
Tom got stabbed to death in a park by some bums. 1980
Jamie got killed in a skiing accident. 1989
Greg got killed by a drunk driver. 1998
Kenny got some kind of cancer and died. 2006
Now I just met Bill, lets see how this goes.
Edit: Should I tell Bill?