The problem with men is that they never seem to want to discuss their issues.
We're emerging from generations of society and culture that have indoctrinated men to believe that sharing vulnerability and problems were a weakness.
And it's time to talk about it.
Speak up guys, we're listening.
Redditor Tabocuspokus wanted to hear from the boys about life's issues, so they asked:
"What are problems in modern society, that put social pressure on boys and men? And what can women do about it?"
Having fear. Men are trained to be fearless. But we have fear. A lot, and it sucks.
Be Kind
Not Going Anywhere Tell Me GIF by grown-ish
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"If you ask us to share our emotions and thoughts, don't ridicule us after we shared them with you."
Neil_Merathyr
'creepy'
"Being a loving father is not 'creepy.' I have an 11 year old boy, an 8 y/o boy and a 4 y/o daughter. I've gotten really weird looks giving my kids kisses on the cheek in public. My oldest son got the worst of it because he was my first kiddo. I constantly gave him hugs and kisses as a baby because my dad couldn't even be bothered to tell me he loved me."
"So I vowed to be a loving sweet father, unlike mine. There are days we go to the store and I'll snuggle into my daughter's neck and tell her how much I love her. I still call her "princess" to this day. Every now and then I get weird looks. It hurts because it was so common for my dad to walk 5 yards ahead of me in a store and not care, but I care. So I love my kids. And to some people this is some how weird."
Lelio-Santero579
I'm Listening
"Mental health, domestic abuse, showing emotions, body image... I could go on. What I do to help my partners is be completely open about my problems and allow them to do the same. I let them talk. I listen. And when the conversations come to an end, we work on it. Want counseling? We can do it together. Want to lose weight? Let's go on a diet. However they want to deal with their problems is alright by me so long as it isn't self-destructive. I think we should be supportive."
PibbyChullz
Be A Man
"When you ask us to express our feelings, you need to let express our actual feelings and not just the feelings you want us to express. This also needs to be entirely free of judgement or punishment. As men, we're constantly told we need to express our feelings more. But all too often, if we express anything other than strength we are judged, quite harshly, as being weak, selfish, unattractive, and less of a man."
r0botdevil
Raising Kids
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"Main ones for me are the inability to properly be a parent in public with out being judged and things like use PARENTING rooms to change a nappy or whatever which are unisex without being looked at as some creep (my friend once actually had the mall security called in him by a lady claiming there was a man in the women's toilets) or me being by myself with my own kids automatically makes me some sort of criminal especially if the kid throws a tantrum at a mall and it’s crying, screaming etc."
"And I could be trying to put them back in their pram with them screaming and random women would be giving me dagger eyes. Where if my wife has a shouting screaming kid other women just give her a kind understanding smile and walk along… if women can cut down on that sorta judgemental stuff it would be great… I know this isn’t the case every time you go out in public but just having it happen a few times always leaves it in the back of your mind."
katofan1
Interesting truths being thrown out here. Society really does judge first, even after all of out "progress."
Talk to Me Too...
fathers day dad GIF by Disney Pixar
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"Being a father is weird. I get worried looks from women walking through Walmart with my arm around my daughter. Or if my wife and I are together and someone asks anything about our kids, like where they go to school or their age or birthday, it's always directed at my wife as if I don't know anything about my own kids."
mrselfdestruct066
Lessons Ignored
"I didn't learn my lesson the first time. I've tried opening up repeatedly to try to discuss my mental health issues and just general life problems with family and friends, even a couple doctors. No one wants to hear about that, so now I just bottle it all up like a "real man" and pretend like I can ignore the pain and loneliness. I think I would have been better off to have not tried to begin with."
delocx
Raised by a therapist
"I'm a dude and was raised by a therapist. So, I have absolutely no problem talking about my feelings, inner truth, being vulnerable and so on. Nonetheless, as an adult I've found that the world is not at all ready for men who talk about their feelings. All of the people who depend on me overreact every time I project anything but strength."
"It puts me in an ironic position where I almost need a double life: one full of people whom I love and support but with whom I don't share my feelings; another full of people whom I don't love and support but with whom I can share my feelings. Or, I can choose the third route: swallow it all and live a life of quiet desperation."
"And statistics show men are far more likely to be socially isolated, turn to substance abuse, prostitution, and suicide? No kidding. If society wants men to live fuller lives, we need to not only encourage men to be more open with their feelings, we need to also remind society that they play a role in making that possible for men."
wutx2
Be Open
"I had been dating a girl for a few months when I opened up to her about the trauma of a childhood friend of mine dying in a horrific accident while we were in school. I ended up crying, because she was literally the first person in a decade I had opened up to about that. "
"She responded with so much love, support, and positivity that I was just blown away. 13 years later, we’ve been married for 6 years and just had our first kid, and I knew from that night that she was the kind of person I could build a life with."
WaluigiIsTheRealHero
"soft"
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"My dad yelled at me for crying at my grandpa's funeral because my grandpa wouldn't approve. Any sign of weakness in sports or anything he gets upset with me for looking 'soft,' but he tells me he loves me everyday and gives hugs and stuff so it's confusing."
Waffle-Azul
"nobody listens"
"Mental health for men is a big one. Society is slowly starting to get better with this, but it's a very slow burn. We're constantly under the weight of demands and expectations, and then get made fun of when we say something about it. A really good example, look at Will Smith."
"The man sat down and listened to his wife talk about an affair, cried on live tv, and he became a meme because of it. There was a trend on TikTok asking men why they don't speak up, and every single response was along the lines of 'nobody listens.'"
November_Dawn_11
Yeah, don’t do that...
"Judging them for Being Honest. Nothing is worse than when you open up to your S/O about a struggle you’re having and then later they throw that in your face as a weakness. Yeah, don’t do that."
ThinkForYourselph
"You should never be made to feel guilty/weak to be honest and open with your significant other. If they throw your personal struggles in your face as a weakness, throw them out of your life, because you deserve better, king."
thepariah4231
Be Open
"Being vocal about mental health and feelings. I’ve found myself sweeping it under the rug a lot and sucking it up. I’m tired and exhausted but I have to keep going."
MemelordPetey
"I try to be happy but I have so much rage built up in me that it sometimes get exhausting to simply be."
"I was never allowed an outlet for my sadness or anger so I've been bottling everything up for 26 years and now I don't know what anger feels like. I no longer feel anger cuz I skip over into rage. It's like arming a landmine over and over again and then wondering why it explodes when people jump on it as if landmines have never done that before."
Zack_WithaK
Size Issues
Kyle Mooney Snl GIF by Saturday Night Live
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"Emphasis on penis size and height. I think it affects a lot of young men in a negative way, makes them feel inadequate."
1980pzx
Male Honor
"I’m currently pregnant and haven't been keeping food down for three weeks, I’m starving and the level of nausea has surpassed the unbearable. My body and mind are at an extreme low. My husband has gotten anything I can fathom to try and help."
"He Fetches me anything, has taken over all house duties and is worried out of his mind. He also started a new job last week. I will get all the sympathy in the world and he will not. just because my struggle is greater does not make someone else’s struggle any less difficult."
"Even he refuses to acknowledge any hardship. He’s programmed with the type of male honor that makes his feelings invisible. I think the best thing anyone can do is take a moment to think from another perspective and open a Discussion like this."
W4lkingDis4ster
#MenToo
"Men can get postpartum depression. But they aren't screened for it; only mothers are (in our experience in the US). My husband suffered from it after we had our first child. They screened me, the mom, for it in the hospital, at my follow-up OBGYN appointments, and at our baby's pediatrician appointments. My husband was there for all of those except the OBGYN. Nobody ever even asked how he was feeling."
DenversTrain
"sensitive."
"As a kid, I was shamed by my mother and sister for being 'sensitive.' Aka, anytime they upset me or I was upset, it was unmanly to show my emotions. As a boyfriend, I was sometimes expected to handle both of our emotional stresses. Perhaps this one isn't as gendered, but it happens to people in relationships."
"As a husband, I have actual expectations and responsibilities to consistently provide for my household, emotionally and financially. This is also not a gendered thing, but it definitely is common. I think for most men out there, we've been taught to hide our emotions, and get put in emotionally tough situations. There's a lot of solutions, but understanding is always the foundation towards an answer."
streetsurfer789
"thank you for the meal"
"I came to a realization the other day. It really isn't anyone's fault but I realized that no one has ever in my family thanked my dad for earning the living for our family. I live in a more traditional house and my mom is a stay at home mom and we were always taught too tell her 'thank you for the meal' and thanks for everything you do and all that stuff. Thats great and all but we never once said, thanks for the job you do dad which is very intensive and stressful."
"He never once has complained about his job for all my life. I realized this about 2 months ago and I decided to thank him for all that he does. He didn't exactly know how to answer the compliment cause it was new too him but I could tell it made a difference. Not so much a 'this hurts men and women need to fix it!!!' post but still important to bear in mind nonetheless."
Vast_Statement_7761
innuendo...
"Just because I'm a man doesn't mean I'm dangerous, or angry all the time. I took my son to the ER for a broken leg years ago, and got the third degree from EVERY person that came in and examined or worked with him. The innuendo about his injury being due to me was palpable, yet they never came out and straight accused me of it. It caused additional stress that wasn't needed, and embarrassed me to no end."
TheMrDetty
I'll Wait
John Goodman Reaction GIF by ABC Network
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"Name a family-related sitcom in the last 25 years that doesn't show the Dad/male lead as clueless, well-meaning, but mostly incompetent, with a wise-cracking wife/mom/female lead who is always exasperated by the ineptitude of the guy she loves. Go ahead. I'll wait."
slice_of_pi
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When we're intoxicated, or even the slightest bit tipsy from having a little too much to drink, our immediate perspective on things is hazy.
But there's nothing like a bit of alarming news or a jarring incident to snap us out of the fog and focus on the moment.
Sometimes alcohol isn't always to blame for our impairment.
It can be a state of mind, like a perpetual numbness from being complacent in life, and all it takes is one shocking moment to rattle us back to our senses.
Curious to hear from strangers online about this type of scenario, Redditor Known_Challenge_7150 asked:
"What’s one thing that sobered you up real quick?"
These individuals were witness to shocking events that sobered them up right quick.
Bleeding Out
"Got out of a taxi and found a naked man profusely bleeding from his head crawling up the driveway in my condo. Called him an ambulance completely forgot I was absolutely wasted until 45 minutes later when I'd helped him translate and in to an amublance and stepped in my front door."
"Later a few days later learned he'd slipped in the tub and literally crawled out for help. Poor dude. He was fine but I genuinely thought he was going to die there."
– DongLaiCha
Tragic News
"At a bachelor party and we got a phone call that the groom’s father had suddenly passed."
– accountnameredacted
Bottom Of The Barrel
"I went to visit my parents back in July. I was homeless and deep into fentanyl addiction so I lost a lot of weight. My folks could see it. They knew something was up. Anyway, I spent the night and I was getting ready to leave in the morning and I looked at myself in the mirror for a good long time. I finally had enough and told them everything. They took me to detox, from there I went to rehab. Graduated in August and been living with them ever since then. I have 160 days clean and sober."
– Crotch-Monster
A reality check can be enough for some people to snap out of it.
Like Father, Like Son
"Was driving a drunk friend home, he had been on a bender again and was smart enough to call me for a lift rather than try and drive. As I helped in to his house his mother came down the stairs and said 'your as drunk as your father' and went back upstairs. I haven't seen him drunk since then, he still drinks but the thought of turning into his dad scared him out of hard drinking."
– psycospaz
Busted
"Flashing blue lights."
– FiddleOfGold
"This sobered me up just thinking about it."
– redmaple_syrup
Losing Sight
"Woke up to no sight in one eye. I had cataract surgery so just thought one of the lenses had slipped and it was an easy fix. Eye doc says nope, you had a stroke. I loved soy sauce, teriyaki sauce and salty food, which caused high blood pressure, which caused retina damage. Over six months was able to get most of my eyesight back with medication, and all back within a year. Trying to navigate life with one eye was very sobering. Started taking HBP much more seriously."
– MissHibernia
Quitting The Bottle
"Looked up someone I went to highschool with who was an awesome guy. Found out he had been dead for 3 years from alcoholism, at age 33. I made an overnight change. I hadn't started drinking that night yet, 10 months ago. Haven't touched it again since."
– omgtater
These disturbing moments were enough for Redditors to immediately come to their senses.
Unplanned House Guests
"Me and a buddy Woke up in someone’s living room, realized neither one of us knew the people, they were just nice and let 2 drunk guys sleep on their living room floor. We didn’t even say goodbye."
– Oneinsevenbillion75
Serious Health Warning
"Elevated liver enzymes."
"And the knowledge that this sh** was gonna kill me and I just couldn't orphan my family over it."
"So I opted for recovery, instead."
"Clean and sober since June 5, 2009."
– Far_Meal8674
The Joyride
"Grew up in a rural area. The little town hosted dances at the hockey arena, everyone (adults and kids) went and they overserved everyone, regardless of age. I was maybe 16 or 17 and was absolutely sh*tfaced, and jumped in the back of someone's truck with about 8 other people to go back to someone's cottage for after dance drinking. The driver (still don't know who it was) started racing one of his buddies and we whipped around small dirt roads, flying around blind corners on the wrong side of the road, going god knows how fast. It was basically a disaster waiting to happen. It was crazy scary and I was sober and thankful to be alive when we finally arrived."
– foxfood9116
The human psyche is a fascinating thing, isn't it?
How we can automatically focus on something urgent at a crucial time, even after getting buzzed from drinking too much alcohol.
But as we're in the thick of the holidays, it's a good reminder to drink responsibly and stay off the roads if you drive to your celebratory destination.
Cheers. Stay safe. And happy holidays.
We've all complained or vented about something in our lives which, in the grand scheme of things, wasn't exactly a problem, or is very easily solved.
Then there are those who complain about things that others almost hope will happen to them at some point in their lives.
These are known as "first world problems", as they are problems that pretty much only the world's one percent faces.
From having to fly business class instead of first class, or being served Roederer instead of Dom Pérignon, these complaints are often met with amusement, bewilderment, or even anger.
Redditor jennimackenzie was curious to hear the most absurd "first world problems" anyone ever complained about, leading them to ask:
"What’s the most ridiculous 'first world problem' you’ve seen people get worked up over?"
"Tale As Old As Time..."
"I once knew a mom who was legitimately devastated, to the point of tears/grief, because a doctor predicted her 8 year old daughter's final height to be around 5'2","
"Which wasn't tall enough to get cast as Belle at Disney World."
"That was the child's (and her mother's) only dream in life, apparently."
"Didn't appreciate my suggestion that she could be Minnie or Mickey."
"Lol!"
"Only a face character would do!"- TravelLovingMom
"Must Be Funny, In A Rich Man's World..."
"My boss from about a decade ago was this insanely rich dude who always went to the bank to get fresh and crisp currency."
"He'd call the bank in advance to make sure they had some on hand."
"I think he was a germaphobe."
"He had a trash can that he'd throw $1 and $5 bills in that he thought was 'dirty' and regularly just donated it vs spending it."
"I asked him why he did this and he said it was too much trouble and asked if I wanted it."
"I said f*ck yeah dumped it into my bag and when I got home it was close to $400 in singles and fives.
"Another time, he wanted to upgrade all the computers in his studio, so we went to a store and bought 10 PCs."
"They all had $150 mail in rebates and he wasn't bothered to go through the trouble of mailing them in."
"3 weeks later I received $1500 after spending a whole afternoon filling out all those goddamn forms."- azninvasion2000
Money Burn GIF by nog
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Who Wore It Better?
"When I was about 19 years old, I was at my boyfriends family BBQ."
"I was wearing this pretty floral sundress."
"His cousins girlfriend showed up in the same dress and she was SO mad that she went and changed."
"I will never understand being upset when someone is wearing the same thing as you.'
"Did you really think that your shirt you bought off the rack is going to be unique to you?"
"No."- mertsey627
Seeing Red! Or Blue In This Case...
"The blue of the balloons wasn't quite the same as the bridesmaid's sashes."
"Years ago my wife and I attended a wedding."
"It was very low key."
"The dinner was in the dining hall at the university where the couple met, cinder block walls and all."
"It was a Baptist wedding - no booze and very serious."
"The dark blue balloons attempting to liven up the hall were a slightly darker shade of blue than the sashes on the bridesmaid's dresses."
"The bride lost here sh*t and absolutely raved for nearly an hour."
"I can't remember how they finally managed to talk her down."- mechant_papa
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See You In Court!
"Rich neighbors who end up in expensive court battles because they disagree about where a tree can be planted or whether the color of a fence fits in with the street’s 'amenity'."
'These disputes get really heated and rack up huge lawyers’ bills."
"The most pathetic part is after the judgement when they are arguing about who should pay the other party’s costs."
"Lots of affidavits filed citing the 'emotional distress' they had to endure, or painting themselves as brave warriors who were forced to take a stand to fight for 'justice'."
"Also lots of pompous litigants insisting that the judge refer to them by their 'Dr' title."
"An absolutely insane dumpster fire of entitled rich people problems."- ElectrocRaisin
It's Always People With Money Who Don't Want To Pay!
"I work in a public library."
"People will get so so mad if they have to be put on a wait list for a book."
"A popular book that just came out."
"Ok our services are not only free but so are the books."
"You’re welcome, a**holes."- Switchbladekitten
A Warm Butt Is A Happy Butt!
"My own."
"We have a bidet toilet seat (Fabulous! Everyone should have one!) and not only does it wash your bum and blow dry it, but the seat's heated!"
"It's shocking how much a heated toilet seat makes the whole process more agreeable."
"Except: We had a power outage and I went to use the toilet and the seat was cold!"
"Unacceptable!"
"This shall not stand!"
"I was really upset because it didn't feel good."
"Then I stopped and thought: This is the most first-world problem anyone's ever had."
"I was really pissed because my heiny was tepid."
"I got over it."- DeathGrover
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Holy Matrimony!
"Weddings are a gold mine for this question."
"People get so hyped up over their 'most important day of their life'."
"They'll destroy friendships, go into debt, and have crazy expectations."
"It's not always the couple who go crazy, either."
"Sometimes, it's the parents or another family member who feels entitled to control the wedding."
"It's just a party."
"Be considerate of guests, have plenty of food and drinks, and enjoy it."- magicrowantree
When Fast Food Isn't Fast Enough...
"Having to pull off to the side to wait for a drive-thru order to be brought out to you because your food isn't ready and there's a line building up behind you."- demanbmore
In Case You Don't Think Customer Service Employees Are Undervalued...
"I was working the return desk at a Target next to a military base so I have so many stories."
"One of my favorites was a lady who had her baby shower before revealing the gender and was livid that she had received floral newborn diapers when she’s having a boy."
"It was a huge box of super expensive, all organic diapers, that we didn’t carry and therefore could not return."
"I cannot accurately express her fury and disgust."
"How dare either suggest her boy could wear feminine diapers."
"I suggested she donate them if she didn’t want to use them and she instead threw away the entire box."
"When she left we pulled it out and threw it in our donate bin."
"There have also been multiple times where mom’s order massive toys and when we bring them out to the car they get furious that they aren’t wrapped."
"We don’t offer wrapping services."
"Here’s the thing, if you don’t want your kids to see the toys you got them for Christmas or their bit to day DON'T BRING THE CHILD WHEN YOU PICK IT UP."
'I’ve had multiple women scream and curse me out that I had ruined their kids Christmas by bringing the toys they ordered out to the car like they requested."- clever-mermaid-mae
Customer Service Waiting GIF by Juno Calypso
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Happiest Place On Earth!
"I used to work for Disney."
"That in itself should tell you everything."
"However for fun I'll give you two specific stories one form our tech department and one from my wife who worked bookings."
"I specifically worked for their call center to help with technical issues with magic band and the website."
"Suddenly got worse huh?"
"A right of passage call everyone has at least one story of is the 'Dome call'."
"Basically there is a subset of Disney Guest (TM) that believes if it rains at Walt Disney world there is someone that will push a button to encapsulate the whole of Disney property in a dome to keep out the rain."
"I'm not kidding."
"If this button is not pushed they call our tech department to angrily ask why."
"My wife worked booking."
"Pretty much everything including Bibbidi Bobbidi boutique and Pirate's league."
"These two things did roughly the same thing difference being price and theme."
"BBB was expensive did more and was focused on princesses, pirates league did a bit less and focused on mermaids and pirates."
"Lady called up my wife, and got pissed about BBB being booked up (It goes FAAAAST)."
"Karen: 'Im going to give the phone to my daughter and I want you to tell her how you are ruining her vacation by not letting her do BBB'."
"Wife proceeds to explain how pirate's league is so much cooler and how she can be a mermaid or pirate and basically gets the kid to start demanding to their parents about how they want to be a mermaid instead of a princess."- trollsong
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The horror!
Being booked into a junior suite at Disney World instead of an executive suite!
It's almost as bad as having no money for groceries, or no food to feed you children...
Said absolutely no one.