Sometimes you just gotta walk away. Love is love and it's fabulous and all that jazz, but that doesn't mean it's meant to be... forever.
And no one wants to hurt another person's feelings, especially someone you're in a relationship with; unless they really deserve it. But more often than not, a lot of marriage proposals seem ill timed and not well thought out.
Like, you just cheated on me or stole my money, a "Will you marry me?" does NOT an "I'm sorry" make.
Redditor u/tommygunz007 wanted to chat with the ladies out there about the times they just had to say... "No!" They asked:
[Serious] Women of Reddit who were proposed to by their SO and said no, what's your story?
I am the one who will be proposed to. I decided that long ago. So I'll never have to worry about hearing a no. I just have to figure out my "NO" delivery. I jest...
Thank you Timingthank god singing GIF by WE tvGiphy
"I loved him, If he asked me to get married 3 days before I would've said yes, BUT I received a message 2 days before the proposal from someone telling me that he was part of a gang, with proof and everything."
Isn't it weird?
"An ex, I told him things were going downhill and I wanted to end things so he decided to propose to me (thank god not in public) as an attempt to get me to stay. I said no."
"Isn't it weird? We had problems and he was too lazy to work on them. It wasn't when I bought books, it wasn't when I wanted to talk, it wasn't when I suggested counselling, it wasn't when I gave him a deadline for leaving, it was when the deadline was reached and I was packing that he decided he wanted to "save the relationship" by asking me to marry him. Freaking lazy."
"He brought me up to his apartment about a 2 hour drive from my college. I was basically trapped there. He asked me while he was feeling insecure about the relationship and figured a proposal would lock me in place. I dodged it for a few days, but I needed to get back to classes and he wouldn't take me back till I said yes. I figured he was a bright guy and would come to his senses eventually. He got me back to school. Eventually he realized that coercion is not a good proposal strategy."
"He proposed as a knee-jerk reaction when we were going through a rough patch. It was a pretty inappropriate gesture and I told him no and why it was a no. He wasn't being flippant, just turns out he was scared of where our relationship was going. We ended up working on ourselves and were married five years later."
Inked NoCbs No GIF by HULUGiphy
"He thought asking me to marry him and tattooing 'private property of' would be a good way to make me forget serial cheating."
See, now how did these guys not see this coming? They really thought marriage was just the simple answer. SMDH. Men can really be dim.
I RememberBaby No GIF by MOODMANGiphy
"He was proposing to show how he was fully committed and dedicated to me and only me after he was caught cheating."
To the Pawn Shop
"Sold my great grandmom's wedding set to buy a gaudy diamond monstrosity of a ring. I had asked him to use the engagement ring to propose with as I would have been the fourth generation to wear it. He said it was ugly and awful and wouldn't have his "woman" wearing second hand garbage. I dumped his butt and got the set back from the pawn shop. Just realized this was the second time I dumped a guy based on this kind of behavior. I sure can pick 'em."
People Explain The Worst Thing That's Ever Happened To Them On Their Birthday
why propose now?
"Dating a guy for a few years. Was 20 years old at the time. Very controlling, wasn't going great. We were opening Christmas presents with his family when he asked. He proposed while saying he loved the woman I would become one day. I said yes in public, but no in private. If you don't even love me now, why propose now? Needless to say it didn't last long."
"About 3 or 4 months after we started dating he asked. It was a moment... we had a fun night out, a little buzzed, in a cab over the Williamsburg Bridge looking at the NYC skyline, weather was beautiful... I think we were both feeling immortal. But I said, you know... I'm saying no now because we haven't been dating so long and we've had a bit to drink and we're just caught up in the moment. He seemed dejected. He was still dejected days later. That said, a few years later after we'd been together long enough I said yes and we got hitched so we still got the happy ending!"
Oh AuntieGo Go Go Running GIFGiphy
"A girl I was casually dating, not even in a relationship with, proposed in front of her toddler niece and nephews and a LARGE crowd of people at the aquarium. Even asked her nephew, "Do you want OP to be Auntie OP?" with the ring in hand. I said yes in public and then no privately. Never saw her again after that one."
"A few years back, I was dating this guy. At first, he seemed very kind, sweet and happy. Handsome too. I thought he was a great catch, especially as some toxic friends of mine were lowering my self esteem. A few months after we started dating, he started changing. It was subtle at first, he would stop spending time with me and blaming me for it. Then came the gaslighting and manipulation."
"He started isolating me from my family, and hurting me when I refused to do things for him. Eventually, I got the strength to deal with the situation and tell him that we were over. To get me to stay, he hosted a large party with lots of friends and publicly asked me to marry him. I said no."
"Ex asked me over lunch to marry him. He'd broken up with me about once a week for the last few months over nothing. He had serious emotional/mood issues that have now been diagnosed but he was just a really difficult person to be around in general. I started laughing because it was just absolutely ridiculous."
"He asked why I was laughing and I brought up how he broke up with me every single week. He flat out said he wanted to get married because then he knew he wouldn't be able to leave, as if that stopped people from just getting a divorce ??? We broke up for good not long after this but the whole thing was bananas."
"We were looking at houses, and I had a panic attack whilst he was checking out the bedrooms. And I realised he was the worst person to live with. He had incredible temper tantrums, that he had threatened to hit our future children (if they touched his Dr. Who collection), but no one knew and thought he was perfect for me."
Maybe This TimeMeh Kinda GIF by CulturaGiphy
"I've said "not yet" twice. The first person and I broke up, the second person and I have been married for more than fifteen years."
When in Paris
"We were 19 & 21 and had been together for 2 years. He took me to Paris, pulled out all the stops and proposed under the Eiffel Tower. I told him it wasn't a no, it was a not yet (if he would wait). I wanted to travel and knew I was too young for marriage. We ended up travelling together, making amazing memories through the years - we got engaged when I was 24 and married when I was 27 in the most perfect service and have been happily married 4 years next week!"
In the 90s...
"A friend from high school whom I had known for about a year proposed to me while I was in my first semester of college. The proposal was made over the phone, long distance (this was in the late 1960's). I never saw him as more than a great friend. My Mom thought he was really great which was nice but, no reason to basis a marriage. He really was a nice guy and we had fun together but, I was not "in love" with him."
"A few years ago I found out that he died of cancer in the mid 1980's and I was sorry to learn of his death. We did not keep in touch and I only saw him once after the proposal and he had married a lovely woman who I thought suited him. Seems I was wrong as she divorced him at some point."
How GenericBasketball Wives Ugh GIF by VH1Giphy
"One ex always proposed when we were fighting and I was about to leave. Some times literally mid yelling would just drop to one knee. I always said "No. I don't want a proposal to end a fight. I want it to be special."
"My mom said no to my dad the first time. He'd decided that he wanted to spend his life with her and wanted that to start asap. Still, they'd been dating less than a year and she was very nervous about rushing into things, even though they were madly in love."
"After a few days of continued discussion, she came around to his point of view (i.e. if we're talking about starting a family, why bother postponing the legalities?) So they got married 6 weeks later and here we all are after 33 years, with them still madly in love."
"I had a boyfriend cheat on me SO many times. The break up was hard, but then he got activated from the military reserves. I didn't meet anyone till 2 months before he came back. The whole time I wanted him back, but he and I weren't really officially together, and I knew he was talking to another girl the whole time he was gone."
"He came back, and saw the other girl first (he says to break up with her, ya right) and I realized I didn't like him, thank God! He showed up at my apartment, saw me with my new boyfriend, and proposed in a crying fit. It was horrid. 3 months earlier and I'd have done it, but thank god for the timing of things."
Stop AssumingPop Tv No GIF by Schitt's CreekGiphy
"He bought me a ring as a Christmas present. The proposal came the day after with him saying "by the way, that's an engagement ring". He tried the same thing again the year after. Told him both times that if he couldn't even ask me whether I wanted to actually marry him or not, I didn't want the rings."
See, this is why those big public spectacle proposals are not a great idea. Look up the Beyonce dancer who Beyonce stopped the show for so her dancer's BF could propose. It was beautiful and funny and anointed by the Queen. And it didn't work out. That yes was pressure. So think and be sure gentlemen before you involve Beyonce.
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Women Who Migrated From A Conservative Country To A Progressive One Explain How Their Lives Have Changed
Many of us living in the U.S. don't think twice about certain freedoms that aren't granted in other parts of the world.
Generally speaking, of course, we can wear whatever we want and behave without constantly walking on eggshells and worrying about consequences or judgment.
However, there are countries that look down upon women wearing suggestive clothing that aren't viewed as provocative in America. And when these women somehow find themselves here, it's fair to say it's quite the culture shock.
These are their stories.
"Women who migrated from a socially conservative country to a progressive country how significantly has your life changed?"
Having access to certain garments became life-changing moments for these Redditors.
"I come from a very conservative Mennonite (basically Amish) family. Luckily for me, my parents left the faith when I was born. My mother tells stories of being jealous of the girls at school who could have white socks because her family was extra conservative so she could only wear black. Imagine being excited about white socks!"
Feeling The Air
"For the first time I wore something above my knees and felt the air! I know it sounds silly but that to me tasted like liberalization.Other than that I feel safe and can hope to make a better future for myself. My rights are protected and I have discovered my voice."
Happy For Sparkle Sneaks
"I had a friend who was so excited to see sparkle sneakers. She wanted them sooo bad but she could never buy them since 'back home' where she had to return after college they would get her in big trouble."
"She looked at them like they were a puppy but wouldn't even try them on."
Freedom of fashion was not an option for these women at one time.
Clothing And Mixed Messages
"My wife didn't leave Turkey until she was 18. She grew up having it hammered into her that anything that attracted attention was a sexual signal and that she was to blame for anything that happened as a result. She was 12 years old worrying about sending messages to grown-a** men with her clothing choices."
People Share The 'Dirty Secrets' That Their Bosses Don't Want Customers To Know
Having The Choice To Wear Anything
"I moved from PH to Singapore. Now I can wear anything I want in the streets."
"Filipino here. There are wealthy areas in Metro Manila where you can wear whatever and be fine. Like crop tops or sports bras when jogging. Not so much in less developed areas."
"It's not illegal or anything, but people will stare and some will catcall or grope. If you complain, people will say that you're inviting that behavior by wearing revealing clothes."
"My sister's mother-in-law is Persian. She says watching the Handmaid's Tale reminds her of how things were before she left Iran. It was very westernized while she was growing up but then things changed..."
Life Change At 17
"Moved to the US when I was 17, now 23. I was free to wear miniskirts, drink in public, and hang out with male friends without having my moral character trashed."
"There's an undercurrent of rape hysteria that's very real but seldom explicitly talked about. My dad would freak out if I spent any time in my male cousin's room, despite the fact that we grew up in the same house and were around the same age. Your movements are stifled because every man who's not your dad or brother is treated like a potential danger to your chastity."
Strengthening The Marriage
"According to my mum, it's the little things. After a couple of years in Canada, my mum started wearing skirts. Nothing too revealing, maybe knee-length or lower, and she loved it. She had her first sip of alcohol when she was 31, LOVED the feeling of being « tipsy » after 1 beer. On the more serious side, she got to fully express herself to my dad (after 20 years of marriage). Her Canadian girlfriends told her about couples counselling, the love languages, etc. And she communicated to my dad the things she wanted to change. I don't know the details, but they seem much happier now than they were when I was a teenager."
"Treated As An Equal"
"Being able to wear what I want without having to be scared for my security while in public. And being treated as an equal. Edit: Oh, and the word freedom has gained so much more in importance since I had lived in some of those countries where it doesn't exist in some aspects. I think many people, not only women, don't realize how lucky they are to be able to live the way they wish and say what they want without punishment from some authority. I really cherish my life as a woman in a truly free country."
These women were subjected to constantly worrying about perceptions.
Weight Off The Shoulders
"It's everything. I can finally go for a walk without the fear of strange men following me and passing lewd comments. I can finally do the things I like (eating meat, having a drink of alcohol) without the implications of 'what will the society say.' We have a saying in my country, 'A woman's body carries the pride of the family'- what an awful weight to carry for any young woman. I can finally just exist and breathe."
Everything's Wonderful In New Zealand
"I experienced most of that my whole life in Peru, i was so pissed that I couldn't wear dresses or shorts in summer because people judges you for your looks or catcall you ugh I have anxiety because of the harassment but finally i can enjoy my life and feel awesome 😎 because I moved to New Zealand, best decision ever."
"My mom is German, but her parents went to live in Bolivia in the late 50s/ start of 1960s. She wasn't married at 15, like most of her friends were and the whole town was putting pressure on her parents. Father's were literally trying to buy my mother's hand in marriage for their sons, so at 17 she had to run away and married her first husband out of despair."
"That guy tried to kill her because she wanted to leave him a few years later. In the 80s, she had to flee the country since her 2nd husband wanted to force an abortion on her and he could've easily done that."
"She always told me to not get married at such a young age and to never lose your independence to a man. I guess her life changed in so many ways, I can't write it all down."
"PDA between couples, holding hands, kissing. Seeing gay couples holding hands. Just made me feel happy to see people getting to be open and in love."
Wonders For Mental Health
"I grew up in a conservative family in South Asia and now live alone in Australia. The most significant way my life has changed is my sense of safety, both at home and in public places. At home, I live alone and being away from my conservative family has done wonders for my mental health. I don't have to face constant criticism for my choices. In public places, I still get sacred at night, but that has more to do with my triggers. I have the confidence to walk alone without anybody questioning/harrassing me. That's not to say it hasn't happened, but the frequency is much less. I have less fear and feel safe for the first time in my 22 years."
"I also wear clothes that I ordinarily never would in my home country. My clothes are still quite conservative (sleeves, no skirts etc), but I feel better knowing that I chose what I wore and nobody controlled this choice."
It's The Little Things
"I moved from India to Canada in 2017 at 17 years old. Freedom felt freaking amazing! I could stay out after 7 pm. I could call anyone I like. When I was in India i was only "allowed" to have calls from family. My parents would get mad if anyone else called me. I never had sleepover, I had my first sleepover here."
"It's the little things. Being independent and following your dreams is the best feeling in the world."
"Philippines: There seem to be plenty of things that people are only against because of societal pressures, not because they actually believe in the moral/ethical arguments against it. Clothing, gender roles, etc. Cohabitation before marriage was a big one for me - it's still often viewed as a scandal except among elites who can do whatever tf they want. My mom was among those fully against it and we had a few heated arguments, but several years after I left, I eventually moved in with my then-boyfriend, now-husband, she didn't even flinch - she was actually happy about the financial advantages even (she hadn't met him yet). I wondered if it was just because she didn't want to push me away, but 7 years later it's never come up as something that's bothered her. I guess she never really cared about it as much as she led me to believe."
Unless you come from the conservative countries mentioned above, it's hard to imagine life any other way than what you're used to.
Just imagine the reverse situation, where you find yourself suddenly losing clothing options and conforming to new customs in a country with uncompromising rules.
So don't knock sparkle sneakers. Because to some people, they represent a utopian society.
We're all well aware of the weird, horrible, predatory things men do when attracted to women. But what about when women are the culprits?
Though it seems that, statistically, men are problematic at a WAY higher rate than women, there are certainly times where the person bringing the creepy vibes is, indeed, the woman.
Some men of Reddit gathered to share the most bizarre and uncomfortable things a woman has ever said.
AidenTheGamer14 asked, "Men of Reddit, what is the creepiest thing a girl has ever said or done to you?"
For some, it was the stalkers.
The cryptic behavior and frightening detective work of ex-lovers can be unparalleled.
Some Light Sleuthing
"Found out my address from the phone book, this was the 90s, sat outside my house for multiple nights, all night just watching my house, I live in the middle of the woods miles outside of town."
"We only had one date and agreed to leave it at that. I found out sometime later what she had been doing."
"Girl I was dating asked if I had changed the locks since breaking up with my ex months prior. I'm like 'No, but she wasn't a crazy person so I never worried about it.' She says if I don't change the locks she ain't comfortable sleeping over, so I change the locks."
"This ex sends me an angry text the next day 'So you changed your locks huh? Real nice a**hole.' So she had been coming over this whole time and doing who knows what."
She Stopped at Nothing
"She kept writing me letters at every address I lived at during that five-year period. If she didn't have the address she'd send them care of my parents. The most memorable is the one where she told me she was married and 'he's a great guy but he's not you.' "
"Once not long after I'd moved to a new address I came home and found a box of cookies she'd FedExed to me. Eventually I moved to a new state. I knew from her return addresses that she lived and worked there, and was worried we'd run into each other but realized that was pretty unlikely."
"Then after less than a year, she found me through a blog I was keeping and left a message on my voicemail demanding we meet. I posted a message to her on my blog telling her to stop harrassing me or I'd call the police (up to that point I'd been ignoring her, hoping she'd take the hint). That night she called, I repeated my threat to bring the authorities in, and I haven't heard from her since."
Others dealt with the creepiness on the internet. With so many avenues of communication all around us, uncomfortable comments can come from all directions.
"Someone I considered a friend started to grow feelings for me, but when she found out I had a girlfriend and I didn't feel the same for her she found out who my girlfriend was somehow. She then DM'd her and tried to tell her that I was cheating on her with her."
"Luckily I was with her when she got that DM so I could explain the situation and then we blocked her. Next day she DM'd her again from an alt account."
Reddit Users Share Their Best 'It's A Small World After All' Experience
Worst Kind of Pen Pal
"I started a new job, and I shared a small office with a woman my age (and a couple other people). She was kinda cute but also weird and super naïve (she grew up in a very rural area). She'd flirt with me a lot, but I wasn't interested."
"So she started sending me emails."
"They were super long, detailing her whole day. And she sent them to me every day. I never responded. Then one day she sent me this long email confessing her love. I replied with the (very obvious) reasons why it wouldn't work and asked her to stop sending me emails every day. She didn't."
"They kept coming. This went on for months. I asked her in person and online to stop, but I still got these email memoirs every day. Eventually I had another female office mate who was her friend have a talk with her. Finally the emails stopped."
That's A Lot of Passwords
"I've had a girl create about 50 different Snapchat, Facebook, and Instagram accounts all to try to get me to friend her. I've never met this woman in person and yet every few weeks I'll get a handful of friend requests from her"
"Met this girl online and talked to her a bit. I did started to like her."
"Later found out that the pic she showed me of herself was actually a pic of her friend who had passed away due to cancer."
In my early 20's I was at a party and the hosting woman full-on tried to reach down my pants to grab my business."
"Strange, yes, what made it creepy is that we were right in front of her mother, who was cheering her on."
Breaking Out the Scroll
"After 6 months from our breakup, my ex called me because she wanted to see me. It seemed strange to me but I accepted. When we met she was friendly and all..."
"Then at a certain point she pulls a sheet in which there was written a list of all men she fu**ed after our relationship and she read it all to me, with accurate description of every sexual intercourse. Well it was an awkward moment."
"I was going to head home after a night out and a I was getting into my taxi a girl jumped in after me. I asked what they were doing and she said 'I'm coming home with you.' "
"Nope. Taxi driver helped me and she got out the car eventually when I shot down her advances."
Others were stunned by the things a woman did in person. Everything seemed to be going great, until it wasn't.
"She thought it was suspicious a single guy had a female dog" -- DivineSwine_
"I think it is suspicious that this was her first thought on having a dog." -- Amegami
"I had a girl in college accuse me of being gay...because I was a grown man with a pet cat." -- esoteric_enigma
A Strange Errand
"Hung out with some friends and they brought someone I haven't met yet. we ended up hooking up. Right after she asked where the used condom was, she grabbed it and said she was going to throw it away. walked past the trash and went upstairs."
"Needless to say I was pretty nervous about getting a call 9 months from then. I think I'm in the clear, still creeped me out tho."
Old School Courtship
"This didn't happen to me but when my dad was at sleep away camp as a teenager, this girl had a crush on him so she snuck into his cabin and folded and reorganized all his clothes." -- purplepanthersfc
"She was checking to see if they were made of boyfriend material" -- InjuredAtWork
Third Party Assessment
"Maybe not creepy in a sense, but it freaked me out. I'm in the school hallway - schools been over for an hour, but my mother works there so I waited. I'm getting something from my locker, and this one girl walks up to me in the empty hallway - angrily looking - and takes my hand, and places it on her a** and goes 'does this feel fake?' "
"I was 13 at the time, and the whole thing freaked me out for a while."
Again, it's important to read this thread and remember that this is a bias sample, solely focused on the incidents where a woman did act creepy.
But, yes, it happens out there.
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In this day and age it can be difficult to flirt. Let's just talk truth. Everyone is trying to navigate a new normal where we try to let someone know... "Hey! I think you're cute!" Without getting the cops called. It can be done. There is a misconception running around that women don't like to be flirted with. That is untrue. Flirting and being a creepy disaster are two different things. Here... let's discuss...
Redditor u/hungary70 wanted to hear from the ladies out there about when they've some cute come ons by asking... Girls of Reddit, what was the best flirting technique someone did to you?
All my ladies will tell you... "Just be respectful!" How hard is that? Don't be handsy, and be able to read the room. And most of all? NO. Is no! It's literally that easy. Everybody likes to flirt. Flirting is fun. Let's see how...
The TubHappy Ice Cream GIF by GIPHY Studios OriginalsGiphy
He brought me a huge tub of my favorite ice cream flavor after hearing that I was having a bad day.
When I was 10 I received a love letter from a boy. It contained a flower inside, and at the bottom of the letter he wrote some cheat codes for Mortal Kombat for me. He knew I was always playing that game on my Sega.
13 Years In
I'm British, and I came over to the States on a temporary work visa, to do "one" ski season with Vail Resorts. I was bartending at an on mountain restaurant, and a couple of snowboarders come in and start talking to me. It came up that I was only there for the season, then one of them says "I'll marry you so you can stay... but we have to go on a date first".
... we just celebrated our 13 year anniversary, and I'm still in Colorado.
Rotted Fruitfruit of the loom GIF by NBAGiphy
"Hey do you want to help me throw fruit at my friends?" - 16 year old boy at summer camp, holding a bunch of oranges, who wanted to meet me. I was also 16 at the time.
The third time we hung out I went to his house. We were both in grad school and were talking in his room but I was exhausted from school and my 2 jobs. I was sitting on his bed and fell asleep. When I woke up he had put a blanket on me and was playing beautifully on the piano. I was so embarrassed cause I had drooled all over his pillow and surprised that he was so kind about the drool and not creepy about me being passed out on his bed.
We've been married for almost 4 years now and been together 8.
Bonus fun fact, his brother didn't believe I existed and accused him of making it up till I met him a year later. I was his first real girlfriend at like 25.
Oh I am feeling butterflies. I thought love was dead. So far, I've been given hope. Love can be born with trust. Tell me more...
Thanks to the Migraine
I was in Chicago on business, got a horrible migraine, and had to cancel a meeting with a man I had met with (for work) the day before. I get really bad migraines, really, really bad. After it was over I had to get a bit of food and something to drink, but it was very late and there was no way I would survive any kind of car/cab ride.
He was the only person I knew in town, so I sent him a text to see if he knew of anything in my area that would be safe/open that late within walking distance. He drove 30 min across town in the middle of the night to walk me to a 24hr restaurant and buy me dinner. I've been with him for 11 years now.
Was riding home with the friends group back in 2008. We stopped to drop off the one guy, and I got out to stretch. I mentioned that the stars were so much more visible up there in the mountains and he said, "Yeah, they're really pretty. Wish I had someone to watch em with."
I'm a sucker for corny guys. We got married the next year and are celebrating 12 years this June.
Happy HalloweenHocus Pocus Wtf GIF by FreeformGiphy
We met at a Halloween house party and when I was going to leave he walked me to the room with all the coats which also happened to be a kids room and he asked me "what color crayon would you like to write your phone number with?" I married him. Celebrated 20 years.
My first boyfriend came into the store where I was working and just straight up told me he had seen me through the window and needed to run home to clean up/put on something nice so he could come back and ask me on a date. It was super endearing :)
Edit to add: he didn't WATCH me through the window lol, just saw me in passing and wanted to ask me out.
This was well before dating apps where you basically had to ask in person. He was within my age range, nice smile and just had a good energy.
Also his secondary flirting technique worked just as well, he brought me a book on our second date because I had mentioned in passing that I loved to read :) he was good at making me feel heard.
Silencedeaf sign language GIFGiphy
Not me but my mum. My mum and dad were set up by a friend of theirs.
My mum is completely deaf, upon being told this before he met her my dad went out and learnt as much sign language as he could before he met her.... my mum doesn't know sign language... adorable and hilarious.
Women are so much better at this. And there is a lot to learn in this thread. I hope y'all gents took some notes. Willing gestures speak far more volumes than money, attitude or status. If you like then put a ring on it!
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Owing to the courageous and persistent efforts of women for the last several decades, some gender equality--and gender justice--has been sought and gained in the contemporary era.
Multiple waves of feminism have charged empowerment forward like a tidal wave. Trailblazing women have blasted through glass ceilings in several pockets of society. The "Me Too" movement raised awareness and achieved justice for women who survived the harassments of men who refused to listen to the word "No."
And the well-needed advocacy for feminism to be more inclusive of people of color has added nuance and numbers to the ongoing fight.
Yet, men continue their upsetting maneuvers. They touch without asking. They say things to a women they otherwise wouldn't. They act entirely unprofessional and shame any push back.
Some Redditors gathered to share the subtle forms of sexual harassment and/or sexism they encounter regularly.
Many women discussed the subtle sexism they encounter whenever interacting with men in some professional setting. For some, this was at work. For others, it was when talking with salesman or other "experts."
Regardless, the variable driving the dude's uncomfortable behavior was clear.
Yes, She Can Measure a Thing
"The doofus from Home Depot delivering my refrigerator, looking at the space it's supposed to fit in, and saying it won't fit. He looks me up and down as I mention that I did measure. He then asked if my husband was home, since I obviously didn't 'get it.' "
"I replied that I was not married, which seemed to explain everything to him. It ended with him being lit on fire...oh wait no I was just thinking that."
"It ended with me saying 'Never mind, if you can't figure it out I'll do it myself' which crushed his ego enough that he did, in fact put the refrigerator where it belonged. And yes it did fu**ing fit, because I measured."
"Idk if this is sexual harassment, more like low key misogyny but- I've had several customers (higher ups at big name corporate companies- it's not just an average retail job) only accept what I tell them as truth until a man confirms it (this man doesn't even need to be a higher level supervisor- just a male voice over the phone)."
"Annoying as all hell."
Not the Expert, My Dude
"I am a POC female doctor, and I often have medical students with me. Sometimes when the medical student is a white male, the patient looks to the student for confirmation of what I'm saying."
"It's unconscious probably, but it's like they want him to nod and agree with what I'm saying. I want to yell 'THIS IS MY FIRST YEAR MED STUDENT. HE KNOWS NOTHING AT THIS POINT IN HIS CAREER. STOP LOOKING AT HIM.' "
"Certainly not subtle, but I used to work in a legal clinic doing public benefits (Social Security, Food Stamps, etc.). I was the only lawyer who worked in this area and supervised a couple of non-lawyer college grads who rotated through every year. For context I'm also young and Asian so I look even younger than I am, and I'm sure that didn't help."
"If I had a dollar for every time a client asked me if they could get a second opinion from a male attorney, I could have kept doing public interest law. Some clients refused to meet with me and demanded to speak to a male staff member (no male attorneys on staff sometimes!), which would often lead to them meeting with one of my supervisees--fresh college grads with no legal experience except what I taught them. They would helpfully tell the client that they couldn't give legal advice and should probably do what I told them to do in the first place."
Other Redditors shared encounters that were more overtly sexual and uncomfortable. These didn't involve any physical contact, but words can be enough to make some feel deeply unsafe.
Are You Aware You Just Made a Human Trafficking Joke, Sir?
"Aged 16/17 I worked in a DIY store. I had so many men ask how much it'd cost to buy me, can they take me home with their new bag of cement, and even had one guy ask me what I was doing later that evening and can he take me for dinner."
5 YEARS OLD
"Once I was in the store with my 5 year old daughter who was carrying a feather duster we were buying, and an old man leered at her and said she needed a French maid's outfit."
Forced to Get Used to It
"When I was in university one of my housemate's younger sister came for the weekend, 14 year old but dressed mature and wore a lot of makeup, we were walking in town and a group of guys in their mid-late 30s were casually shouting that they wanted to hook up with her and the ways they'd do it."
"I remember saying openly that it was disgusting and how long she was - and looked. And she said she was completely used to it."
"And my friends who work in night clubs told me how normal it was for drunk guys at the end of the night to wait outside the club for them to finish, so most of the girls got a ride home with the bouncers just Incase - totally normal."
"the laser eyes digging into my chest is about the lowest grade i've gotten. highest grade harassment was getting cat called by a grown adult as an 11 year old."
And finally, many men do go as far as touching without any consent or warning whatsoever. Sometimes it's subtle, other times it's overt harassment.
Either way, it's so gross.
Never Heard That One Before
"I'm a hand therapist. I have to show people how to massage their scars effectively after their surgery because otherwise they can become stuck to the bone/tendon underneath. To do this I have to put cream on the scar and then demonstrate the right pressure to put on while they massage it."
"I've lost count of the amount of times a man has tried to 'hold' my hand back, or make some lewd comment about how I can massage elsewhere if I like. Just no, yuck."
"I work in the oil industry which is very male dominated. Men in general think they can touch you- Leading you through a door by the small of your back, touching your arm while they're speaking to you, trying to fix your collar or hair if it's out of place, closely leaning over your shoulder looking at your work."
"Is it a pat on the a**? No, though I've experienced that too. But it's Yechhh nonetheless. The kicker is that if you call them on it, you're treated as unreasonable because it's not a pat on the a**."
Zero Romance When Someone Actually Does It
"Random guys thinking we like literally getting swept off our feet. Last time it happened I was in a bar watching my husband's band play and some dipshit tried to pick me up from behind and carry me onto the dancefloor."
"Luckily I'm sturdier than I look so he didn't get very far, but I still had to tell him I didn't want to dance with him multiple times. He decided 'I was scared to' even though I said repeatedly I DON'T WANT TO."
Women Can Shake Hands Too, You Dingus
"When I worked in an office there were a lot of sales reps who didn't care that I didn't want to be touched because they were huggers. Men older than my parents would shake hands with the other people in my department but insist I stand up for a hug."
"When I brought it up to my boss I was told they were old school salesmen and to just laugh it off."
The Last Straw
"I had a coworker randomly kiss me on new years. It wasn't midnight (not that it really matters) and my boy friend was right next to me. It was very weird and unsettling. Out of pure reaction I slapped him. Still to this day I have no idea why he did it."
"He quit soon after."
"Every job I have ever had that claims to operate in a family dynamic has without fail included unwanted touches (hugs, shoulder/arm touches) and typical locker room talk."
"If you are a woman, it's pretty common to be touched by a male coworker. Not many examples i can think of in 15 years of various corporate experiences where the boss hugged and touched the male staff as much as they do the women."
"And if I had a nickel for every time I heard a male coworker either talk about their own sex life or sexualize someone else, i wouldn't need a damn job."
"When I give men their change, they don't grab it, they grab my wrist, then drag their hand down over mine and then take the change. Because of this I started putting their change down on the counter. But because of that I've had men get offended because doing so seems disrespectful and have reported me to my boss."
"A lot of men also try to catch my eye and mimic an erection with their french fries/umbrellas/straws/etc."
"The staring. The fu**ing staring."
Completely Leaving Behind Any Respect Whatsoever
"The casual touching. Putting a hand on my shoulder or lower back or leg. Or getting uncomfortably close to me. And if you say anything everyone just wonders what my problem is."
"There's also men who will do it so openly knowing no one will do anything about it. At a work event one particular guy kept following me and putting his hand up my dress."
"The last thing I would say is that I am considered at least mildly attractive. This leads to the constant gossip and jokes from the men in the office."