I am the one who will be proposed to. I decided that long ago. So I'll never have to worry about hearing a no. I just have to figure out my "NO" delivery. I jest...
Thank you Timing
thank god singing GIF by WE tvGiphy"I loved him, If he asked me to get married 3 days before I would've said yes, BUT I received a message 2 days before the proposal from someone telling me that he was part of a gang, with proof and everything."
Isn't it weird?
"An ex, I told him things were going downhill and I wanted to end things so he decided to propose to me (thank god not in public) as an attempt to get me to stay. I said no."
- Lust-Exe
"Isn't it weird? We had problems and he was too lazy to work on them. It wasn't when I bought books, it wasn't when I wanted to talk, it wasn't when I suggested counselling, it wasn't when I gave him a deadline for leaving, it was when the deadline was reached and I was packing that he decided he wanted to "save the relationship" by asking me to marry him. Freaking lazy."
Stalker No
"He brought me up to his apartment about a 2 hour drive from my college. I was basically trapped there. He asked me while he was feeling insecure about the relationship and figured a proposal would lock me in place. I dodged it for a few days, but I needed to get back to classes and he wouldn't take me back till I said yes. I figured he was a bright guy and would come to his senses eventually. He got me back to school. Eventually he realized that coercion is not a good proposal strategy."
- Selenay1
Try Again
"He proposed as a knee-jerk reaction when we were going through a rough patch. It was a pretty inappropriate gesture and I told him no and why it was a no. He wasn't being flippant, just turns out he was scared of where our relationship was going. We ended up working on ourselves and were married five years later."
- JennaLS
Inked No
Cbs No GIF by HULUGiphy"He thought asking me to marry him and tattooing 'private property of' would be a good way to make me forget serial cheating."
See, now how did these guys not see this coming? They really thought marriage was just the simple answer. SMDH. Men can really be dim.
I Remember
Baby No GIF by MOODMANGiphy"He was proposing to show how he was fully committed and dedicated to me and only me after he was caught cheating."
To the Pawn Shop
"Sold my great grandmom's wedding set to buy a gaudy diamond monstrosity of a ring. I had asked him to use the engagement ring to propose with as I would have been the fourth generation to wear it. He said it was ugly and awful and wouldn't have his "woman" wearing second hand garbage. I dumped his butt and got the set back from the pawn shop. Just realized this was the second time I dumped a guy based on this kind of behavior. I sure can pick 'em."
People Explain The Worst Thing That's Ever Happened To Them On Their Birthday
why propose now?
"Dating a guy for a few years. Was 20 years old at the time. Very controlling, wasn't going great. We were opening Christmas presents with his family when he asked. He proposed while saying he loved the woman I would become one day. I said yes in public, but no in private. If you don't even love me now, why propose now? Needless to say it didn't last long."
happy endings
"About 3 or 4 months after we started dating he asked. It was a moment... we had a fun night out, a little buzzed, in a cab over the Williamsburg Bridge looking at the NYC skyline, weather was beautiful... I think we were both feeling immortal. But I said, you know... I'm saying no now because we haven't been dating so long and we've had a bit to drink and we're just caught up in the moment. He seemed dejected. He was still dejected days later. That said, a few years later after we'd been together long enough I said yes and we got hitched so we still got the happy ending!"
Oh Auntie
Go Go Go Running GIFGiphy"A girl I was casually dating, not even in a relationship with, proposed in front of her toddler niece and nephews and a LARGE crowd of people at the aquarium. Even asked her nephew, "Do you want OP to be Auntie OP?" with the ring in hand. I said yes in public and then no privately. Never saw her again after that one."
- SpyJane
Too Handsome
"A few years back, I was dating this guy. At first, he seemed very kind, sweet and happy. Handsome too. I thought he was a great catch, especially as some toxic friends of mine were lowering my self esteem. A few months after we started dating, he started changing. It was subtle at first, he would stop spending time with me and blaming me for it. Then came the gaslighting and manipulation."
"He started isolating me from my family, and hurting me when I refused to do things for him. Eventually, I got the strength to deal with the situation and tell him that we were over. To get me to stay, he hosted a large party with lots of friends and publicly asked me to marry him. I said no."
Maybe Brunch?
"Ex asked me over lunch to marry him. He'd broken up with me about once a week for the last few months over nothing. He had serious emotional/mood issues that have now been diagnosed but he was just a really difficult person to be around in general. I started laughing because it was just absolutely ridiculous."
"He asked why I was laughing and I brought up how he broke up with me every single week. He flat out said he wanted to get married because then he knew he wouldn't be able to leave, as if that stopped people from just getting a divorce ??? We broke up for good not long after this but the whole thing was bananas."
Panic
"We were looking at houses, and I had a panic attack whilst he was checking out the bedrooms. And I realised he was the worst person to live with. He had incredible temper tantrums, that he had threatened to hit our future children (if they touched his Dr. Who collection), but no one knew and thought he was perfect for me."
Maybe This Time
Meh Kinda GIF by CulturaGiphy"I've said "not yet" twice. The first person and I broke up, the second person and I have been married for more than fifteen years."
When in Paris
"We were 19 & 21 and had been together for 2 years. He took me to Paris, pulled out all the stops and proposed under the Eiffel Tower. I told him it wasn't a no, it was a not yet (if he would wait). I wanted to travel and knew I was too young for marriage. We ended up travelling together, making amazing memories through the years - we got engaged when I was 24 and married when I was 27 in the most perfect service and have been happily married 4 years next week!"
In the 90s...
"A friend from high school whom I had known for about a year proposed to me while I was in my first semester of college. The proposal was made over the phone, long distance (this was in the late 1960's). I never saw him as more than a great friend. My Mom thought he was really great which was nice but, no reason to basis a marriage. He really was a nice guy and we had fun together but, I was not "in love" with him."
"A few years ago I found out that he died of cancer in the mid 1980's and I was sorry to learn of his death. We did not keep in touch and I only saw him once after the proposal and he had married a lovely woman who I thought suited him. Seems I was wrong as she divorced him at some point."
How Generic
Basketball Wives Ugh GIF by VH1Giphy"One ex always proposed when we were fighting and I was about to leave. Some times literally mid yelling would just drop to one knee. I always said "No. I don't want a proposal to end a fight. I want it to be special."
Try Again
"My mom said no to my dad the first time. He'd decided that he wanted to spend his life with her and wanted that to start asap. Still, they'd been dating less than a year and she was very nervous about rushing into things, even though they were madly in love."
"After a few days of continued discussion, she came around to his point of view (i.e. if we're talking about starting a family, why bother postponing the legalities?) So they got married 6 weeks later and here we all are after 33 years, with them still madly in love."
The Cheats
"I had a boyfriend cheat on me SO many times. The break up was hard, but then he got activated from the military reserves. I didn't meet anyone till 2 months before he came back. The whole time I wanted him back, but he and I weren't really officially together, and I knew he was talking to another girl the whole time he was gone."
"He came back, and saw the other girl first (he says to break up with her, ya right) and I realized I didn't like him, thank God! He showed up at my apartment, saw me with my new boyfriend, and proposed in a crying fit. It was horrid. 3 months earlier and I'd have done it, but thank god for the timing of things."
Stop Assuming
Pop Tv No GIF by Schitt's CreekGiphy"He bought me a ring as a Christmas present. The proposal came the day after with him saying "by the way, that's an engagement ring". He tried the same thing again the year after. Told him both times that if he couldn't even ask me whether I wanted to actually marry him or not, I didn't want the rings."
See, this is why those big public spectacle proposals are not a great idea. Look up the Beyonce dancer who Beyonce stopped the show for so her dancer's BF could propose. It was beautiful and funny and anointed by the Queen. And it didn't work out. That yes was pressure. So think and be sure gentlemen before you involve Beyonce.
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However, there are countries that look down upon women wearing suggestive clothing that aren't viewed as provocative in America. And when these women somehow find themselves here, it's fair to say it's quite the culture shock.
These are their stories.
"Women who migrated from a socially conservative country to a progressive country how significantly has your life changed?"
Having access to certain garments became life-changing moments for these Redditors.
White Socks
"I come from a very conservative Mennonite (basically Amish) family. Luckily for me, my parents left the faith when I was born. My mother tells stories of being jealous of the girls at school who could have white socks because her family was extra conservative so she could only wear black. Imagine being excited about white socks!"
Feeling The Air
"For the first time I wore something above my knees and felt the air! I know it sounds silly but that to me tasted like liberalization.Other than that I feel safe and can hope to make a better future for myself. My rights are protected and I have discovered my voice."
Happy For Sparkle Sneaks
"I had a friend who was so excited to see sparkle sneakers. She wanted them sooo bad but she could never buy them since 'back home' where she had to return after college they would get her in big trouble."
"She looked at them like they were a puppy but wouldn't even try them on."
Freedom of fashion was not an option for these women at one time.
Clothing And Mixed Messages
"My wife didn't leave Turkey until she was 18. She grew up having it hammered into her that anything that attracted attention was a sexual signal and that she was to blame for anything that happened as a result. She was 12 years old worrying about sending messages to grown-a** men with her clothing choices."
People Share The 'Dirty Secrets' That Their Bosses Don't Want Customers To Know
Having The Choice To Wear Anything
"I moved from PH to Singapore. Now I can wear anything I want in the streets."
"Filipino here. There are wealthy areas in Metro Manila where you can wear whatever and be fine. Like crop tops or sports bras when jogging. Not so much in less developed areas."
"It's not illegal or anything, but people will stare and some will catcall or grope. If you complain, people will say that you're inviting that behavior by wearing revealing clothes."
– jonskn0w
Praise Be
"My sister's mother-in-law is Persian. She says watching the Handmaid's Tale reminds her of how things were before she left Iran. It was very westernized while she was growing up but then things changed..."
Life Change At 17
"Moved to the US when I was 17, now 23. I was free to wear miniskirts, drink in public, and hang out with male friends without having my moral character trashed."
"There's an undercurrent of rape hysteria that's very real but seldom explicitly talked about. My dad would freak out if I spent any time in my male cousin's room, despite the fact that we grew up in the same house and were around the same age. Your movements are stifled because every man who's not your dad or brother is treated like a potential danger to your chastity."
Strengthening The Marriage
"According to my mum, it's the little things. After a couple of years in Canada, my mum started wearing skirts. Nothing too revealing, maybe knee-length or lower, and she loved it. She had her first sip of alcohol when she was 31, LOVED the feeling of being « tipsy » after 1 beer. On the more serious side, she got to fully express herself to my dad (after 20 years of marriage). Her Canadian girlfriends told her about couples counselling, the love languages, etc. And she communicated to my dad the things she wanted to change. I don't know the details, but they seem much happier now than they were when I was a teenager."
"Treated As An Equal"
"Being able to wear what I want without having to be scared for my security while in public. And being treated as an equal. Edit: Oh, and the word freedom has gained so much more in importance since I had lived in some of those countries where it doesn't exist in some aspects. I think many people, not only women, don't realize how lucky they are to be able to live the way they wish and say what they want without punishment from some authority. I really cherish my life as a woman in a truly free country."
These women were subjected to constantly worrying about perceptions.
Weight Off The Shoulders
"It's everything. I can finally go for a walk without the fear of strange men following me and passing lewd comments. I can finally do the things I like (eating meat, having a drink of alcohol) without the implications of 'what will the society say.' We have a saying in my country, 'A woman's body carries the pride of the family'- what an awful weight to carry for any young woman. I can finally just exist and breathe."
Everything's Wonderful In New Zealand
"I experienced most of that my whole life in Peru, i was so pissed that I couldn't wear dresses or shorts in summer because people judges you for your looks or catcall you ugh I have anxiety because of the harassment but finally i can enjoy my life and feel awesome 😎 because I moved to New Zealand, best decision ever."
Marrying Young
"My mom is German, but her parents went to live in Bolivia in the late 50s/ start of 1960s. She wasn't married at 15, like most of her friends were and the whole town was putting pressure on her parents. Father's were literally trying to buy my mother's hand in marriage for their sons, so at 17 she had to run away and married her first husband out of despair."
"That guy tried to kill her because she wanted to leave him a few years later. In the 80s, she had to flee the country since her 2nd husband wanted to force an abortion on her and he could've easily done that."
"She always told me to not get married at such a young age and to never lose your independence to a man. I guess her life changed in so many ways, I can't write it all down."
Expressing Affection
"PDA between couples, holding hands, kissing. Seeing gay couples holding hands. Just made me feel happy to see people getting to be open and in love."
– kanubat
Wonders For Mental Health
"I grew up in a conservative family in South Asia and now live alone in Australia. The most significant way my life has changed is my sense of safety, both at home and in public places. At home, I live alone and being away from my conservative family has done wonders for my mental health. I don't have to face constant criticism for my choices. In public places, I still get sacred at night, but that has more to do with my triggers. I have the confidence to walk alone without anybody questioning/harrassing me. That's not to say it hasn't happened, but the frequency is much less. I have less fear and feel safe for the first time in my 22 years."
"I also wear clothes that I ordinarily never would in my home country. My clothes are still quite conservative (sleeves, no skirts etc), but I feel better knowing that I chose what I wore and nobody controlled this choice."
It's The Little Things
"I moved from India to Canada in 2017 at 17 years old. Freedom felt freaking amazing! I could stay out after 7 pm. I could call anyone I like. When I was in India i was only "allowed" to have calls from family. My parents would get mad if anyone else called me. I never had sleepover, I had my first sleepover here."
"It's the little things. Being independent and following your dreams is the best feeling in the world."
Cohabitation Issues
"Philippines: There seem to be plenty of things that people are only against because of societal pressures, not because they actually believe in the moral/ethical arguments against it. Clothing, gender roles, etc. Cohabitation before marriage was a big one for me - it's still often viewed as a scandal except among elites who can do whatever tf they want. My mom was among those fully against it and we had a few heated arguments, but several years after I left, I eventually moved in with my then-boyfriend, now-husband, she didn't even flinch - she was actually happy about the financial advantages even (she hadn't met him yet). I wondered if it was just because she didn't want to push me away, but 7 years later it's never come up as something that's bothered her. I guess she never really cared about it as much as she led me to believe."
Unless you come from the conservative countries mentioned above, it's hard to imagine life any other way than what you're used to.
Just imagine the reverse situation, where you find yourself suddenly losing clothing options and conforming to new customs in a country with uncompromising rules.
So don't knock sparkle sneakers. Because to some people, they represent a utopian society.
All my ladies will tell you... "Just be respectful!" How hard is that? Don't be handsy, and be able to read the room. And most of all? NO. Is no! It's literally that easy. Everybody likes to flirt. Flirting is fun. Let's see how...
The Tub
Happy Ice Cream GIF by GIPHY Studios OriginalsGiphyHe brought me a huge tub of my favorite ice cream flavor after hearing that I was having a bad day.
Kombat
When I was 10 I received a love letter from a boy. It contained a flower inside, and at the bottom of the letter he wrote some cheat codes for Mortal Kombat for me. He knew I was always playing that game on my Sega.
13 Years In
I'm British, and I came over to the States on a temporary work visa, to do "one" ski season with Vail Resorts. I was bartending at an on mountain restaurant, and a couple of snowboarders come in and start talking to me. It came up that I was only there for the season, then one of them says "I'll marry you so you can stay... but we have to go on a date first".
... we just celebrated our 13 year anniversary, and I'm still in Colorado.
Rotted Fruit
fruit of the loom GIF by NBAGiphy"Hey do you want to help me throw fruit at my friends?" - 16 year old boy at summer camp, holding a bunch of oranges, who wanted to meet me. I was also 16 at the time.
Years Later...
The third time we hung out I went to his house. We were both in grad school and were talking in his room but I was exhausted from school and my 2 jobs. I was sitting on his bed and fell asleep. When I woke up he had put a blanket on me and was playing beautifully on the piano. I was so embarrassed cause I had drooled all over his pillow and surprised that he was so kind about the drool and not creepy about me being passed out on his bed.
We've been married for almost 4 years now and been together 8.
Bonus fun fact, his brother didn't believe I existed and accused him of making it up till I met him a year later. I was his first real girlfriend at like 25.
Oh I am feeling butterflies. I thought love was dead. So far, I've been given hope. Love can be born with trust. Tell me more...
Thanks to the Migraine
I was in Chicago on business, got a horrible migraine, and had to cancel a meeting with a man I had met with (for work) the day before. I get really bad migraines, really, really bad. After it was over I had to get a bit of food and something to drink, but it was very late and there was no way I would survive any kind of car/cab ride.
He was the only person I knew in town, so I sent him a text to see if he knew of anything in my area that would be safe/open that late within walking distance. He drove 30 min across town in the middle of the night to walk me to a 24hr restaurant and buy me dinner. I've been with him for 11 years now.
the corny...
Was riding home with the friends group back in 2008. We stopped to drop off the one guy, and I got out to stretch. I mentioned that the stars were so much more visible up there in the mountains and he said, "Yeah, they're really pretty. Wish I had someone to watch em with."
I'm a sucker for corny guys. We got married the next year and are celebrating 12 years this June.
Happy Halloween
Hocus Pocus Wtf GIF by FreeformGiphyWe met at a Halloween house party and when I was going to leave he walked me to the room with all the coats which also happened to be a kids room and he asked me "what color crayon would you like to write your phone number with?" I married him. Celebrated 20 years.
The First
My first boyfriend came into the store where I was working and just straight up told me he had seen me through the window and needed to run home to clean up/put on something nice so he could come back and ask me on a date. It was super endearing :)
Edit to add: he didn't WATCH me through the window lol, just saw me in passing and wanted to ask me out.
This was well before dating apps where you basically had to ask in person. He was within my age range, nice smile and just had a good energy.
Also his secondary flirting technique worked just as well, he brought me a book on our second date because I had mentioned in passing that I loved to read :) he was good at making me feel heard.
Silence
deaf sign language GIFGiphyNot me but my mum. My mum and dad were set up by a friend of theirs.
My mum is completely deaf, upon being told this before he met her my dad went out and learnt as much sign language as he could before he met her.... my mum doesn't know sign language... adorable and hilarious.
Women are so much better at this. And there is a lot to learn in this thread. I hope y'all gents took some notes. Willing gestures speak far more volumes than money, attitude or status. If you like then put a ring on it!
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