Parenting is a difficult job and there is NO perfect way. You learn very early on that there is absolute rulebook to avoid the fact that your kids will need a therapist eventually. It's easy to be overly too much. You can't protect them every second. So you have to learn to let go and that is a lesson many parents are unable to acquire. The helicopter parent is an issue. You don't want to suffocate them... or yourself.
Redditor u/Nicho-chan wanted all the grown kids out there to speak up about their parent's way of being "protective" by asking.... Adult children of helicopter parents, how do you deal with them now?
Down my Neck....
The way that I got my mom to chill out on me was to tell her that I wanted to go to a college out of state. That was the moment she realized she wasn't going to be protective of me forever and it took her a long time to accept it.
As of now, she's been a little easier on me, though she still sometimes treats me like a child. If I'm out of state, then I just limit contact with her and don't call home often. I think a lack of contact is the best everyone with helicopter parents can do initially because it's just so refreshing to be by yourself with nobody breathing on your neck after so long. Antique-Dancing
"the bad ones"
Giphy
My brother and I had no free time allowed growing up, just music and homework allowed. Age 30+, my dad has passed away now (he was never the problem) but my mom still does her best to control our lives, inserting herself into situations she doesn't belong, and passive aggressively putting us in situations that she wants to happen. But cutting her off or telling her she's overstepping makes us "the bad ones" in her mind [edited for clarity], so minimal contact and details are all that's on the menu for her from me now. 🤷♂️ My brother doesn't get it though, giving her minute details and then getting annoyed when she thinks she can have a say in how he lives his life. FlyingBike
It grosses me out.
My husband deals with this with his mother. We make decisions as a married couple then later every thing changes after they talk to each other. Even situations dealing with our daughter, like I have no say even when he and I were on the same page before decisions were put into action. He is so desperate to please his mom he turns his back on me. When I confront him he blames me for causing drama or being petty. IDK his mom acts like she is his wife and he lets it happen. It grosses me out. O0oBubblesBubblesO0o
Trackers.
My parents track my location at all times now. (I'm 27) . That way they don't call the cops if I don't pick up within 30 min....which has happened multiple times. frvrlvd
Stop Walking on Eggshells
Unfortunately, the helicopter behavior continued after I got married and had children. Eventually, the only way to gain control was to go no contact.
Edit: Fundamentally it boiled down to a complete lack of respect for boundaries. My happiness, marriage, and ability to be a good parent were all suffering because my mother was still trying to control my life. We tried setting up boundaries, but that only escalated things. I would have gladly gone to family counseling if she agreed, but it was far easier for her to complain to her friends that her children don't speak to her. (Yes, my brother cut her off too.)
I strongly recommend the following books: Stop Walking on Eggshells (by Paul Mason) and Boundaries (by Henry Cloud). I also very strongly recommend counseling. LilacSniffer
Lockdown....
Giphy
It was a nice sense of relief to get out of the house
To put it into perspective here's some of the stuff that was common in my house:
8:30 bedtime
No shooting games allowed, I could only ever play Minecraft with my friends
Could not close doors other than bathroom
Could not LOCK bathroom doors
Could not spend your own money without parents approval first.
Could not play on computer unless they were home (obviously this rule got broken a lot)
No social media at all
The one that got me the most though was until high school we could only have sleepovers at our house and could not go to most birthday parties
Getting out of the house to stay with someone else for a little was an absolute godsend. I love being independent and stupid with my money and being able to play whatever games I want when I want.
So yeah that's kinda what it's like. TomIsInPain
The Reality of It.
- I moved to a different country.
- I do not go back to visit.
- When they come visit they stay in a hotel.
- My husband, who was not raised in an overbearing environment, is always present when they visit. He serves as a reality check and is effective in shutting down misbehavior.
- Im going to have to explain one day that they wont be allowed unsupervised visits with any children I have. Eldrun
Still pretty bad.
Still pretty bad.
I'm 26, married and a mom of 4.
She treats me like a toddler when she visits. Thinks I'm incapable of basic things... like making breakfast or taking care of my kids.
She'll hover over me while I'm changing my kids. Criticizing how well I'm doing.
She tries to go through my clothes and pick out outfits for me to wear. Will literally buy me clothes that look like baby clothes. It's weird.
Have to set some hard boundaries with her. Boobyjuicy
Shut Up!
Giphy
My mother made my bank accounts, insurances, even my mobile phone contract when I was underage and just kept them. (I also think she stole money from me but that's another story). She said I wasn't able to manage this kind of stuff by myself. With the help of my SO I took everything back from her when I was 26. When I visited her she tried to pressure me into stuff again, so I threatened her that I would pack my stuff and leave immediately and that she would never see me or talk to me ever again in her life. These two things were kind of wake-up calls for her. Now she is so afraid that I could really go No Contact that she keeps her stupid mouth shut. Joernoddebossamienau
"Get out"
They tried to ground me after I came back from serving in the Marine Corps. Tried to take the keys to the car I own and prevent me from getting an education.
Told my Mom she can pound dirt and my Dad that if he didn't fix himself and nut up to my overbearing Mom. I'd never talk to the two of them again. Got in my car and drove off was homeless for a minute until I got enough for an apartment.
You'd think that me moving out and being homeless instead of living with them would be the thing that made things click.
No. About a year after my move out. I'd reconnected with my family and agreed to take my mom to her aerobics class one day since her car was in the shop.
Well I drive about ten minutes before she lays into me about my life choices etc. I pulled the car over looked at her and said. "Get out" she looked stunned. I just repeated myself and added "Now."
She got out. I drove off to my apartment played some CSGO and she got her much needed exercise. ill_effexor
Be Verbal!
Giphy
They say things, and I just kind go "mhmmm" like I'm agreeing that I will do those things. BUT never verbally say I will do those things. Ranger_Caitlin
Forget you Dad!
My dad was never a helicopter parent, he was actually the complete opposite. My mom was a super helicopter parent. When I was a sophomore in high school I got grounded from "everything". I couldn't go anywhere or do anything. I had to go to school and come home. I couldn't watch tv unless it was about God. I didn't have a phone, or computer, and couldn't listen to music. For months. It got worse and worse as time went on.
She would give me a curfew randomly one day and it would be different the next day. I would get in trouble for not following a curfew I had no idea existed. She gaslighted me so much that I often felt like I deserved what was happening to me. After going to therapy I am better able to identify her abusive & bipolar tendencies. I'm working on minimizing contact with her. So, whenever she's being a pain in my butt I just tell her to screw off. daykota1234
People Explain Which Conspiracy Theories They Believe Are 100% True | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
NO!!!
I just say ''no'' when i'm told to do something or follow a rule.
I don't give a reason, even when I'm asked why. Its satisfying. SpaceWhale89
Lost Control.
I don't.
I'm not NC with them but I'm absolutely firm on my boundaries and standing up for myself, and I don't let their tantrums sway me.
On the other hand, the pressure does eat at me, but I'll never let them know that. themarajade1
Married In....
Giphy
My parents weren't. But a friend moved to a different state and got engaged and my friend's mom still managed to be a helicopter parent. Visiting at least 3 times a month and contacting either her or her SO constantly. It ruined the engagement because the SO finally had enough because even though my friend was annoyed with her mom as well, she couldn't cut her mom off completely... Idk all the details but it must have been superrr annoying if someone was like "I love you, but forget having in-laws like this." She is now single and has moved back home. It's unfortunate... jxwtf585
Build the Walls.....
Honestly me and my husband are trying to figure this out. My MIL is a total helicopter parent; if one of us (me, my husband, or his brother) doesn't respond to her messages within an hour or two, she'll bombard the other two about where we are/if something happened to us. She freaked out on me when I didn't respond to her after three hours (we were doing a cross-country drive) and accused me of trying to shut her out and said we're never going to be a real family because of the "walls" I've built up around myself. I don't know what to do. My husband won't stand up to her as much as I want him to, but I can't do this for the rest of my life. We have to establish some boundaries, but it's not my mom, so I can't be the one to initiate. Krutoon
"I don't give a crap mom. Go work it out."
I had to be extremely mean and blunt with my mom. I'm a mid-thirties married man, and had to straight up tell her that I have a family and my own life and she needs to go get a hobby or take classes or anything whatsoever that will give her a sense of value because I do not need a goddamn interfering invasive mother any longer.
When she started giving me either the "thats so horrible you'd talk to your mother that way" or the "ohhh no my kids don't need me anymore" I literally flat out had to just say "I don't give a crap mom. Go work it out." I had to be super super mean to her about it. Sometimes parents have to cut their children off, and sometimes children have to cut their parents off. Doesn't make me feel good but I sleep fine. shiddydogs
No Need 4 U!
I ignore them. To be honest it's also because I'm in a different city and have a hectic job. But there was also a period of slowly getting them used to the fact that they would not know and control every detail of my adult life. SocraticAlva
After I turned 21.....
My parents weren't that bad, but they were quite over-protective. After I turned 21, I still wasn't allowed out after dark and all that jazz. Had to let them know where I was going and who I was seeing in case I was murdered. What I did was move to another continent. I talk to them every couple of weeks over Whatsapp voice chat. They try and tell me what to do sometimes and I'm just like "ok" and don't do it. Blinker_Fluid_
Still Going....
Giphy
They still helicopter me, actually now more than ever that I'm 24 and I'm not sure what suddenly turned the dial up. However I'm finally planning on moving out for good this year with my boyfriend. Everytime I bring it up, they don't believe me or they think I'm kidding and say it isn't happening.
Oh well, I did tell them. I guess they'll get a reality check when the time comes and it won't be on me. vivalalina
- People Break Down What Becomes More Annoying With Age - George Takei ›
- College Admissions Officers Share Their Parent Horror Stories - George Takei ›
- People Who Suffer From Phone Anxiety Share Their Tips To Handling It - George Takei ›
- People Explain Which Parenting 'Trends' They Just Can't Get Behind - George Takei ›
- People Share Their Best 'F**k It, I'll Deal With The Consequences Later' Experiences - George Takei ›
- People Describe What They Were Grossly Underprepared For As An Adult - George Takei ›
For many childhood memories are overrun by living nightmares.
Yes, children are resilient, but that doesn't mean that the things we see as babes don't follow us forever.
The horrors of the world are no stranger to the young.
Redditor -2sweetcaramel- wanted to see who was willing to share about the worst things we've seen as kids, so they asked:
"What’s the creepiest thing you saw as a kid?"
Serious Danger
"Me and my best friend would explore the drainage tunnels under the Vegas area where we grew up. These were miles long and it was always really cool down there so it was a good way to escape the heat of our scorching hot summers. We went into this one that goes under the Fiesta casino and found a camp with a bunch of homeless people."
"Mind you we are like 11 years old lol. And we just kept going like it was nothing. It wasn’t scary then but when I look back at it we could have been in some serious danger. Our parents had no idea we did this or where we were and we had no cellphones. We could have been kidnapped and never have been found."
oofboof2020
Waiting for Food
"I was at a portillos once when I was 12 and I was waiting with my little brother at a booth while my parents got our food. This guy was standing with his tray kind of watching me then after a couple of minutes he started to walk over really fast not breaking eye contact with me."
"He was 2 feet from the table and my dad came out of nowhere and scared the s**t out of him. He looked so surprised and just said he wanted to see if I’d get scared or not. He left his tray full of food near the door and left. My folks reported him but we never went to that location again since we found a better one closer to home."
nowhereboy1964
Captain Hobo to the Rescue
"When I was a pretty young teen, my friends and I were horsing around in San Francisco and started hanging out to smoke with some homeless guys. Another homeless dude came up and began aggressively trying to shake us down for anything (money, smokes, a ride, drugs- all of it) and wouldn’t take no for an answer."
"We got in over our heads and could tell this guy was now riling the other 2 guys up and they were acting like they wanted to jump us. Some grandfather-looking old homeless man appeared out of nowhere and yelled at us to get the f**k out of here- nice kids like us don’t belong down here at this hour!!"
"Captain Hobo saved our lives that night. My parents sincerely thought we were at a mall all day lol."
FartAttack911
Survival
tsunami GIF
Giphy
"I was 7 and survived the 2004 tsunami in Thailand. Witnessed the wave rise way above the already massive palm trees (approx. 40ft?) and my family and I watched/heard the wave crash into the ground from a rooftop."
faithfulpoo
These Tsunami stories are just tragic.
On the Sand
Scared The Launch GIF by CTV
Giphy
"We were a group of kids who went to swim in a local lake. And there was a dead body on the beach with their hands raised and their legs bent unnaturally that local police just took out of the same lake. I've never put my foot in these waters again."
oyloff
Be Clever
"I was walking to school and I was about 5 or 6 years old and some guy pulled up beside me in his car and asked if I would get in. He also offered me sweets to do so. I said no. The creepy bit was when he calmly said ‘clever boy’ to me, then drove off. I’ve never even told my parents or anyone else about this as it would most likely freak them out."
OstneyPiz
Bad Jokes
"Dad's side of the family pranked me by burying a fake body on our back property and had me dig it up to find valuables. Was only allowed to use a lantern for light. They stuffed old clothes with chicken bones. Sheetrock mud where the head was... Random fake jewelry as the treasures... I was like maybe 10 or 11.. I remember digging up the boot first and started gagging because it became real at that point."
Alegan239
YOU
Who Are You Reaction GIF by MOODMAN
Giphy
"Woke up to find my little brother staring at me in the dark, asking, Are you really you?"
PrettyLola2004
Siblings can really be a bunch of creepers.
No one should talk to others in the dark though.
Not all pet owners have the same relationship with their pets.
While anyone who decides to become a pet owner, or pet parent as some say, love their pets equally, some never ever let them leave their side.
Taking their pet with them to work, running errands, even on vacations.
Many pet parents even allow their pets to share their bed with them when going to sleep.
For others though, this is where a line is finally drawn.
Redditor Piggythelavasurfer was curious to hear whether pet owners allowed their pets to share their bed with them, as well as the reasons why they do/don't, leading them to ask:
"Do you let your pet sleep in your bed? Why/why not?"
The Tiny Issue Of Water...
"Absolutely not."
"I have fish."- Senior-Meal3649
Everyone Gets Lonely Eventually...
"I adopted an eleven year old cat the day before Halloween."
"She has mostly lived in my closet since I got her, and she hasn’t been too interested in coming out."
"Last night, she came out of my closet and jumped up on my bed, and crawled under my covers and curled up by my feet to sleep."
"I was so happy!"- YellowBeastJeep
The Comforting Reminder That You're Not Alone...
"I recently lost my Greyhound but I used to let him sleep on my bed with me."
"The company was nice and he was no trouble to have on my bed."- HoodedMenace3
Hungry Cookie GIF by De Graafschap Dierenartsen
Giphy
What Do You Mean Allow?
"I have no choice."
"She is a cat, cats do whatever they want."- Small_cat1412
"He lets me sleep in my bed."- Poorly-Drawn-Beagle
Wouldn't Have It Any Other Way
"I carry my old boy upstairs to bed every night."- worst_in_show
Hug GIF by The BarkPost
Giphy
Who Needs An Alarm Clock?
"I let my two cats sleep with me."
"They're so full of love and just want cuddles all the time."
"And so do I."
"We've all developed a lil routine."
"Get to bed, oldest sleeps on my feet to keep them warm, youngest lies in my arm while I lie on my side (she the little spoon), then when I snooze my alarm for work in the morning the youngest paws at my face and meeps loudly to wake me up."- GhostofaFlea_
Whose Bed Is It Anyway?
"Yes."
"They're also kind enough to let me squeeze into whatever space they've left for me."
"Although I do get a few dirty looks off them."- Therealkaylor
"I found this tiny kitten screaming her head off under a car."
"Would not come out."
"Got some food and some water in dishes."
"I stood by the tire so she couldn't see my feet."
"She got curious about the food and water and started gobbling it down."
"I thought she would bolt when I squatted down."
"She was too busy eating."
"I grabbed her by the nape of the neck and all four legs went straight out and she tried to scratch me to death."
"I got her in the door and tossed her toward the couch."
"She ricocheted off the couch as if she was a ping pong off a table and I lost sight of her."
"I put out food and water and a sandbox and did not see that kitten for three days."
"On the third day, I came home and she was on my bed pillow."
"I thought she would bolt when I came near, but she didn't."
"I wanted to sleep so I tried to scoot her little butt off my pillow."
"She would not go."
"I put my head down to sleep and that is the way it was from then on."
"She ran the roost."- Logical_Cherry_7588
sleepy kitten GIF
Giphy
Sleeping Is A Prerequisite...
"No, he's a cat and he cannot keep still during the night."
"He walks across the headboard, opens the closet doors, jumps into the windows and rustles the blinds, etc."
"If he would sleep he could stay, but alas, he's a ramblin' man."- Spong_Durnflungle
Saying No Just Isn't An Option...
"'Let'."
"Lol."
"It's a cat's world and I'm happy to be on her good side."- milaren
Felines Only!
"The cat does, the dog doesn't and the horse certainly does not either."- Xcrowzz
Angry Tom And Jerry GIF by Boomerang Official
Giphy
Is That My Hair On That Pillow?
"My dog is perfect."
"She comes up, cuddles til we start to fall asleep, then gets down to sleep on her bed so she doesn't get too hot."
"Jumps back up in the early morning for wake up cuddles."
"The hair everywhere is the only downside but she is so cozy, what can you do."- HoodieWinchester
It is easy to understand how some people are able to fall asleep more easily knowing their friend and protector is there, in bed, with them.
Though we can't blame others who don't want to run the risk of being scratched or bitten in the middle of the night either...