College Admissions Officers Share Their Parent Horror Stories
So, on my first day of college orientation, we met in the common square area to begin the tour. Out of 50 of us, no one had brought a parent along.
Shortly through the tour, one of the other students audibly sighed and grumbled "seriously?" We all kind of turned to look at him, but he continued along as if he were fine.
At our next stop, I noticed him glaring at an older man. As we walked across the campus I noticed the man was following us.
You guys... it was comically bad.
I need you to picture this. We're walking through a crowd full of teenagers, they were buzzing with activity.
A group was literally playing volleyball while some others sunbathed, making the whole thing into a terrible cliche. Like, the volleyball scene from the montage in the movie Top Gun kind of bad.
There, in the middle of the youthful hustle and bustle, was one middle-aged man wearing beige cargo shorts and a button-down shirt. His sunglasses covered an enormous percent of his face and he literally looked away and whistled as we passed.
This kid's dad had totally followed him to orientation, then snuck around behind the tour looking like the incognito mode icon!
The poor kid never said anything, or broke with the group but we didn't get too much further before everyone was staring and snickering. All credit to him, he didn't even flinch, so neither did our tour guide.
There were some looks exhanged, but nothing was said. We all just finished the tour simmering in the awkward.
So when one Reddit user asked:
"College admissions employees of Reddit, what is your most ridiculous story of parents getting involved in their child's application?"
I was so in it to win it. Now that I'm done laughing and reliving this one teenagers cringe-worthy college intro, I'm going to share some more beautiful moments of awful.
"Suck My Fat Degree"
From the other end, my mother tried to call the university I was accepted to to slander me with false tales of drug charges ect to get my offer rescinded. She was pissed because I "didn't ask her permission to go" - despite the fact she'd thrown me out of the house 5 years prior and we hadn't spoken since. The best bit? She called the wrong university.
Student Doesn't Care
Just completing everything for them, the student doesn't care one lick about going to school, but the parents can't wait to get rid of them - which is the opposite of what college is all about. Those parents get one or two semesters of freedom, before the student flunks out and is back with them most likely forever.
Not Talking To You Mom
I've had parents call to ask why their child didn't get accepted into our graduate program. Thankfully in the US there are privacy laws (FERPA) that we can cite to explain why we can't discuss it with parents.
I'm in the registrar's office. The student does all business and enrollment through a portal. Some parents demand the password, get it, and do all the work: pick classes and enroll the student, make advisor appointments, all that.
Among other things, uni teaches you how to handle yourself in a bureaucracy. These students don't even learn that. They're still their parents' child.
I've worked for a major public University for the past 11 years. The range of things you get from parents trying to order transcripts for their students, to parents calling to ask about their (grown adult) grad student child.
The worst is when a parent calls asking about tuition, and the kid isn't actually enrolled. They've just been cashing mom/dad's check.
Used to be part of admissions. Once had a parent call to complain that his daughter was accepted. He was distraught and said he didn't want her there. As the conversation went on, it turned out he DID want her there, but was upset that she was touring campus (that day) with his wife, and they were looking at sororities.
Just A Tech Guy
Had a parent literally work their way down the phonebook trying to get what she wanted. She eventually got to me, the system admin for the admissions system at the time. I just deflected the barrage of insanity with, "I don't have the ability to make any admission decisions, I am just the tech guy." To which she asked if I could just change a thing or two to let her son in. That was pretty bad.
The Professor's Mom
Not admissions, but my husband works for a college. A PROFESSOR's mom called and complained about her little baby not getting tenure.
He wasn't doing his job, was stealing money from the school, and was boinking an undergrad.
Not employee but I can go for my mom!
I applied binding early decision to the best graduate program in the state, an hour from home. Was 22, some classmates much older. Got in on my own with my own materials and etc.
But, when time for the campus tour came, I was between college and grad school, living at home. Working but couldn't afford to live by myself and my parents were actually mostly okay to me. Even lent me one of their cars to drive to work and the gym.
But, apparently I was not to be trusted driving for an hour alone, and my mom was very nosy about my school prospects. So, she just told me she was coming. Huge argument, I said it wouldn't look mature of me. Then she finally said, either I go as well or you don't get to go!
So it was the admissions counselor, five students, and my mom and I. I tried to ask about offerings for LGBT students and she stood on my foot to stop me! She's always told me she's scared for me and wants me to hide my orientation. Thank God she only stuck with me for the physical tour, and I apologized to the guy later about her.
Staying In The Men's Dorm
We have a summer program for incoming freshmen where they can stay the weekend in the dorms and do activities on campus and whatnot to get to know the school before they come up for the fall. One time a mom just assumed she would be staying with her student. In the dorms. In the male dorm. The kicker was they had driven something like 10 hours to get to campus, and she refused to not stay with her son in the dorm despite him already having a roommate assigned and everything. She screamed and cried, even denied us when we said we would help her get a hotel. Eventually she swore at one of the school's VPs and left with her son. I felt awful for the kid. He seemed pretty normal, and I don't think he ended up coming in the fall.
There's always a ton of crazy parents but that one stood out. We had a casual hand signal for crazy helicopter parents when we were talking with coworkers and other staff.
As a writer of magazine articles, I got an assignment to write about "helicopter parents" just as the term was becoming mainstream. I interviewed college admissions people to ask their views and their stories.
My favorite was an admission director who said that while freshmen photos were being taken for incoming students' IDs, one mother pushed others aside to run a comb through her son's hair as he posed for the photo.
Living Their Dream
I had a friend whose parents pulled her out of her dream school so she could live THEIR dream about going to school abroad.
She had a full ride scholarship to a great university where she was swimming competitively. She comes home after her Freshman year only to discover her parents have pulled her out of school and enrolled her in a French university. Just like that.
She was doing Bio, intending on becoming a doctor and later getting into med school. I met her in my physics class.
Her parents had signed her up for the wrong degree. And she wasn't fluent in French, either. And to make matters worse? After a few months there, her parents started complaining about the uni, asking why she wasn't going to a better one!
Her parents so desperately wanted her to have the dream European university experience that they didn't listen to her at all.
She lost her competitive edge for swimming. Her grades dropped because she couldn't understand the assignments. And when she finally returned to the US a year later, she had lost her scholarship (that's what happens when you drop out of a university, mom and dad!) and was forced to pay to go to a completely different university ... starting over as a freshman.
My heart broke for her.
Worked in admissions for a Russell Group university in the UK. Some Stories:
- a mother threatens to find where I live and cut off my legs because I wouldn’t offer her son a place on our medicine course (medicine applications in the UK have a very strict procedure and no you can’t just call in). I nearly cried with how vile she was to me. Anyway, I found their address and sent them an envelope that Just said ‘f*ck you’ on the back. Morally dubious, I know
- after stating I couldn’t offer a guy a place on Economics because we needed AAA and he had BBC, he passed he phone to his mother who said ‘but he was part of the hockey team, and I think you clearly need the applicants so you would be at a loss if you didn’t have him’. No love, we don’t need your kid all that bad
- I tried to delicately explain to a dad that the BTEC qualification (an equivalent to the A-level that isn’t typically accepted for more competitive courses like medicine, law and veterinary) wasn’t accepted for veterinary. The issue is, it’s a more practical, vocational qualification and not very academic so it doesn’t really suit for these courses. I essentially had to say his son wasn’t clever enough (or hadn’t picked the right qualification to do to prove that). He then said I was a stupid woman and put the phone down on me.
- a guy rang me from Ghana and I rejected him for Law. He then said I was cursed for eternity and hoped I would die in childbirth.
- a woman was rejected from a masters course and wanted to know why - because she had applied to so MSc Chemistry and her bachelors was in history and she hadn’t even attached a personal statement. She then said ‘I bet you don’t even understand what it’s like to be at university, working in the sh*tty admin job you do’, to which I explained I had a bachelors from a Russell group myself, and was due to start my masters in September. Go choke to death on a d*ck. ma'am.
I could go on forever. I hated that job.
But Your Child Is The Student?
In the two years I’ve been in contact with a family about their student’s interest/application I have never once spoken to or received an email from their child.
When I said I would love to hear from the student directly, The parent said something along the lines of: “I’m surprised you would want to contact my child because they’re a minor.”
How Admission Works
One year, I spent a summer working in the admissions office of a very selective university in New England. During the middle of the summer, I want to say it was in July, I answered a seemingly normal call from a mother who wanted to know what she needed to do to get her son in to the incoming freshmen class.
Me: "Thank you for calling Selective School Admissions Office, this is Wolfgang, how may I help you?"
Her: (pleasantly enough) "Hi, I'm calling to find out what my son needs to do to be part of this freshmen class"
Me: "I'm sorry ma'am, let me make sure I understand. Your son was admitted, and you want to know what he needs to do next to accept his offer? That deadline was in May."
Her: "No, no, no, he hasn't applied yet, but I want him to go here this fall"
Me: "Well, applications were due January 1, and admissions decisions were sent out in the spring. He can apply this fall to be a part of next year's incoming class"
Her: (furious) "WHAT DO YOU MEAN NEXT YEAR? HE JUST GRADUATED AND HE NEEDS TO GO TO YOUR SCHOOL NEXT YEAR. WHAT IS HE GOING TO DO NEXT YEAR IF HE DOESN'T GO TO YOUR SCHOOL?"
Me: "Perhaps he can consider taking a gap year or taking classes at his local college. That may strengthen his application for when he eventually does apply."
Her: "This is ridiculous, I cant believe this. How much is this going to cost me? Are there extra fees I can pay for a late application? Who do I need to speak to?"
Me: "I'm sorry ma'am, but that is how the admissions process works. It takes time to read through all of the applications we receive, so we have deadlines to make the admissions process fair for everyone. Our incoming class has already been finalized, and any spots that do open will be going to students on our waitlist. As of now, we do not anticipate any spots opening up as we are slightly over enrolled."
She hung up after that. Needless to say that kid didn't get in...at least not from that phone call.
It may be possible to bribe your way in to a good school, but there's a proper way to do it, and that isn't by asking a college student to let your kid in over the phone.
One year I was working the orientation speech from the president of the university to the parents of incoming freshmen and he told this story.
He mentioned that one time, a mother of a kid called him, the president of the university to complain that her son's classes were too hard and he needed more sleep.
So he asked the mom "so, what do you want your son to do some day?"
And she answered "finance and business" (not surprising, the school I attended had a well known business school).
The president then said "Ma'am, imagine one day your son works for [big famous investment firm] and he's tired and working very hard at his job. If you called the president of [big firm] and told them your son was working too hard and needed more sleep, do you know what would happen? Your son would likely be fired the next day"
This was clearly his message to parents of "Jesus Christ, do NOT call the president of the university to complain about your kid's classes".
Thanks, But No Thanks, Dad
When I got accepted to a university out of the city and got denied to the one in city my dad tried to call the university in city and sue them unless they gave me an admission offer.
Helping your kids is a natural reaction for parents and fully expected.
But knowing how far is too far is important.
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Reddit user lLoveYourCat asked: 'How did you think babies were made when you were little?'
In the United States, it's no secret that sex education for minors is inconsistent at best.
But some people learned very unexpected stories about how babies were made, and those stories had a way of making a lasting impression.
Curious about other's stories, Redditor ILoveYourCat asked:
"How did you think babies were made when you were little?"
One Time's the Charm
"I knew babies came from sex as a fairly young child. My parents never sugar-coated that. But for some reason, as a kid, I thought you only had to have sex once to have multiple pregnancies. I seriously didn't fix that misunderstanding until early middle school."
"At some point, when I finally accepted that you had to have sex to have a baby, I thought the only time people have sex was to make a baby, and it only took one time to get the job done."
"Then when I figured out teenagers were having sex, I thought you had to be married and have sex to make a baby, but then when my unmarried cousin got pregnant, I was just confused."
"But I was sure my parents only had sex four times, and then when my mom got pregnant with number five, I thought, 'Wow, they did it again.'"
"A stork delivered them, of course. What the f**k, lol (laughing out loud)."
"Storks... I thought people trained them to steal babies from a factory and you would leave special treats on your doorstep as payment and encouragement for the stork to steal one for you."
"I was scared to death of birds for the longest time and would have a tantrum at the zoo when I saw a flamingo."
Young Conspiracy Theorist
"The government. I used to think that we lived in a totalitarian society and that the government was in complete control of everything."
"I thought the President sent people their babies when asked by mail."
Scheduled Baby Delivery
"The women in my family explained to me at the age of six that a doctor calls you sometime after reaching adulthood at the age of 18 to schedule a baby delivery date."
"The husband either pays to schedule the appointment or the government does after verifying that you have been married and financially stable for quite some time."
"When two people kissed."
"I thought the same thing, but I understood that when my mom gave me a kiss, there was no risk. Being someone raised in a very Christian background, I assumed that when you got married, God made kissing a reproductive act."
"Since I made this assumption, I remember questioning why teenage pregnancy could possibly be an issue."
The Ultimate Christmas Gift
"I thought Santa was bringing them."
"He was. I mean, Christmas comes but once a year..."
"I MAY NEVER ENJOY CHRISTMAS AGAIN."
A New Meaning to 'Forest Friends'
"When I used to ask my dad where I came from, he'd say he found me under a rock in the forest. Of course, I would go look for babies under rocks, too, but all I ever saw was dirt and those rolly-polly pill bug thingies."
"It was so gross thinking babies were just found THERE that I was actually relieved to find out how they were actually made!"
Pregnant By Proximity
"I thought women got pregnant by just being around a man, and I was always confused about what would happen if a woman still lived with her parents or dad after she’s an adult."
Coming of Age Story
"I thought it was a 'just happens once you reach a certain age' sorta thing. As a woman, I was terrified because pregnancy sounds like the most awful thing, lol (laughing out loud)."
"(I know the end result is worth it but even as a 31-year-old, I'm like, nope.)"
"I thought they grew like a seed inside the mother's belly."
"Technically, that’s true."
"Well, not like that."
The Power of Marriage
"My mum told me you couldn't have a baby if you weren't married. Note that she said 'couldn't', not 'shouldn't'."
"When my unmarried cousin was sleeping a lot my mum told my aunt 'she's having a baby'. I thought 'she can't be having a baby, she isn't married.'"
"A couple of weeks later she had an engagement party, quickly followed by a registry office wedding. She had a baby a few months later."
"I thought they grew on trees. True story."
"Baby trees, lol (laughing out loud)."
"I was surprised when I learned how it really happened, lol. I was like, 'You mean there are no trees?' And Mom just shook her head."
They Were Just There
"I don't recall a time where I gave the matter any thought without knowing the reality of it."
"Like, literally, until the day I was first introduced to the concept of birth, I don't think I cared where babies came from."
"Right, the little guys just EXISTED."
Educated Is Best
"I asked my mom and she told me the truth."
"Educate your kids, folks. They can handle it."
"I didn’t... They just showed up, honestly."
"That’s what I thought. I was terrified as a little kid that I’d wind up being a teenage mother because I thought it just happened spontaneously."
"Exactly what I thought would happen. Like one day you were just, boom, six months pregnant."
While these responses might be funny, it's an important reminder of an area in the educational system that's often lacking.
But in the meantime, while the system's curriculum is getting sorted out, at least we can take comfort in the fact that we weren't alone in believing these tall tales.
One of life's many challenges to being successful and happy is to work hard and stay focused on our respective goals.
There are many obstacles that can discourage us, but persistence and a drive to overcome can be rewarding.
Unfortunately, there are some things that are simply beyond our control, and it has nothing to do with fate.
It's the qualities we're either born with or without that can impede us or prevent us from ever achieving what can only be seen as a pipe dream.
Curious to hear examples of one of life's cruelties, Redditor G00dR1ddance asked:
"How did your genetics f'k you over?"
These Redditors were unhappy with appearances.
"Lazy eye, and a total lack of depth perception."
"Same. Do you struggle with driving? I just moved to a big city and I can’t drive here bc navigating all the traffic is too hard with no depth perception. It’s so scary!"
The Worst Parts
"Moms Family: Perfect teeth, male baldness. Dad's family: Terrible teeth, perfect hairline."
"Me: Sh**ty teeth, bald before 25. My 2 brothers: Perfect Teeth, Perfect Hairline."
"Feels FN bad."
"They should all chip in for a trip for you to Turkey for a cheap hair transplant and dental work."
Made For Farming
"All 4 grandparents were farmers. I look like I was bred to farm and f**k to make more little farm workers. Broad shoulders, big boobs, no waist, no @ss worth mentioning, and thick legs. I just look like I was bred to work forever until I die. 120 years ago."
Stop With The Flattery
"I too am sturdily built. I am not tall but I am muscular and broad with the big boobs and the broad hips and sturdy legs. I could carry very heavy sacks of feed from when I was very small. My family nickname was 'the forklift truck', so that's.. nice."
Room For More
"My mother’s OB said she had a pelvis ‘you could drive a bus through’. I was a natural breach birth and share those genetics. You could host the last supper on my a** and have room for plus ones."
These Redditors are living on borrowed time.
"Bad heart. I'm the first male in at least 4 generations to make it to 40. And that's only because I was finally properly diagnosed and treated. I wouldn't have made it to 35 if I didn't find the right cardiologist."
"Bum ticker - dad’s aorta exploded when I was 11 and my brother died from the second heart at 41. Just hoping to see my 60s."
Being Kept At Bay
"I have a blood condition where I retain iron. It's slowly killing me. Destroyed my liver, pancreas, and led to a massive heart attack."
"Fortunately, I live in the 21st century where modern medicine can keep me going with...bleeding."
"Sad Aspect" Of A Family
"My oldest uncle married a woman who had Huntington's, but they were very young and she wasn't symptomatic yet. In the 70s so no genetic testing or much public awareness. They had 5 daughters. My aunt and their eldest have long since passed away, and the remaining 4 are in various stages of the disease. It's always been a sad aspect of our family. A truly cruel disease."
"I’m BRCA2 positive, giving me roughly 74% chances of developing an incurable genetic breast cancer in my life. It also gives me about 22% of having an ovarian cancer."
"On the other side, double mastectomy lowers my chances to about 3%, but it should ideally be done before I reach 30. I will also need a hysterectomy in my 40s."
"I had 50/50 chance of getting the BRCA2 gene mutation so well, genetics did f'k me over!"
Redditors share more of their crosses to bear in life after being blessed with these traits.
"I'm more attractive to mosquitoes than most people. If I'm out when mosquitoes are around, I end up covered in bites (which I'm also allergic to, so I end up with quarter sized welts that itch for daaaays after the fact)."
It's sobering to realize the ailments your parents struggled with are starting to become our own to bear.
High blood pressure, arthritis, and predisposition to atherosclerosis are some of the undesirable parts of my family's genetic makeup that I never really thought about until I noticed how fatigued and in pain I've become with age.
Although I have so much gratitude for surviving every year I get to celebrate my birthday, getting old still sucks.
Being let go from your job is never a pleasant experience.
Particularly if it comes out of nowhere, without any possible warning that this was a possibility.
Even if it isn't any more pleasant, generally speaking, most people have at least an inkling of why they were let go.
Budgetary reasons, dissolved departments, being told you weren't meeting company standards, or bad blood with the boss.
As well as some less common, highly unusual reasons which at least might make a good story down the line.
Redditor Sweetlo123 was curious to hear from people who were let go from their jobs, and why they were met with this fate, leaving them to ask:
"What did you get fired for?"
For Standing Up For What's Right.
"We were told we get OT for night work."
"The new 'company manager' let it slip that we don't actually get OT for night work, so when I was scheduled for five nights in a row working on a transmission line cell site I mentioned that I expect everyone working from our company on site get OT."
"Once it was said that we won't get OT and that it wasn't an actual policy (was written in employee handbook), I forwarded the email chain to the entire company and leadership at Verizon."
"I was canned, but now everyone gets OT for night work."
"My life is better now anyway and got my people what the deserve."- drklunk
This Was Never Going To End Well...
"Aggressively squeezing breakfast muffins lol."
"I was a few days into working at Mcds and someone complained I gave them a muffin that was too hard-they bake them at like 3 am and sit in a warmer all day."
"This was before they had the full bakery menu, I think muffins was the only thing baked and maybe cookies."
"So my manager told me to squeeze them before I hand them out."
"Me being a dumb teenager squeezed the s*it out of these muffins and got another complaint."
"They stopped scheduling me, haha."- eatmyknuts
You Have To Do The Work To Get Paid...
"I just stopped working and began only attending meetings."
"Lasted almost 9 months that way before they let me go."- frantictossingmartin freeman sleeping GIFGiphy
Wrong Time, Wrong Place
"I was fired after a month into my first job at a local pizza joint when I was 16."
"They called me during the Super Bowl and said I had to come in."
"I told them I was out of state without a car so no way I could make it."
"They said I should’ve known this was one of the busiest days of the year and I should’ve stayed in the area."
"I came in to work my next shift and they just gave me my paycheck and said they had to let me go for not being a team player."
"10 years later I was fired from a job in tech because I refused to move out of state."
"This one hurt a lot more."- seventyfive1989
Hard Not To Say They Had It Coming...
"The company's timeclock software ran off of the computers time, so when I was late I would just close the software, change the time back to before shift start and then clock in and change it back."
"The supervisor who showed me the trick fired me."
"A day or two later he saw me pulling in late, and when he went over the time info that day, it showed me clocked in on time."
"He knew why."- Grief-Inc
Nepotism Always Screws Someone Over...
"Worked at a gas station and was a sucker for the free soda."
"I would drink a few 24 oz glasses of Dr. Pepper (don’t judge) per shift and had to piss relatively frequently."
"I usually worked with the same lady every shift and every shift my drawer came up short even like $10-20 bucks."
"One day my usual co-worker was off and I worked with another lady who warned me to watch my drawer around the other and hers had been short when she was around."
"That got me to thinking."
"The next shift with the usual lady I stuck some receipt paper into the lip of the bottom of my drawer and hit the bead."
"When I came back the paper was on the floor."
"My drawer was short $20 at shift change and my boss fired me."
"I told her of my findings and asked her to review the security tape."
"She told me to f*ck right off the other lady had been there years."
"I left heart broken and rented some VHS tapes to indulge in and recover."
"One of the movies was Casino and man is that a good movie."
"Come to find out the usual lady was the boss lady’s cousin and they f*ckin told people I knew I got fired for stealing money."
"I though about calling a lawyer but also, I was in high school and was delusional I suppose."
"I got out of that town after high school and rarely return, especially considering all my family moved off."- woohhaaSnl Smiling GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphy
The Age Old Story Of Men In Power
"Caught the boss stealing."
"So he fired me."
"His word vs. mine and it didn't go my way."- freezingprocess
People Tend To Get What They Deserve
"Embezzled almost $500,000 from the doctor's office I worked at."
"Oh no, wait."
"That was my former supervisor who did that...26 years after she fired me for taking home a left over slice of pizza after a drug rep hosted a pizza party for the office staff."
"Karma can take a long time, but it always comes through."- YourFront
Late To The Game...
"Being the last hired when they instituted layoffs."- BubbhaJebus
Some Plans Can't Be Cancelled
"1970s YES 'Close to the Edge' tour."
"I had my tickets and had the request approved for time off, they changed their mind at the last minute and would not let me off."
"Left anyways and was genuinely surprised when I got back on Monday and they informed me that I was fired."-AmandaBRecondwith
Treat Others Like You Want To Be Treated
"My boss was talking sh*t about me to employees, and I confronted her with 'how would you expect the people below me to respect me when you show them that you don’t?'"
"She didn’t like it and literally went crying to the owners, who then fired me for 'causing problems'.”- Successful-Snow-562
For Literally Doing What They Were Supposed To
"I got fired for slacking off and underperforming at work by taking my legally required lunch."- 10leejHungry Lets Eat GIF by TRTGiphy
They Couldn't Have Waited One Day?
"Worked as a QA tester for an online game company."
"Found bug while on my personal account at home."
"Came in the next day and reported the bug."
"I was VERY clear I found the bug while playing at home on my personal account."
"It was a nasty bug that let you duplicate very expensive items."
"A few weeks later someone in customer service was checking the logs for people exploiting the bug."
"They found mine and the company decided to fire me on my birthday."
"That was around 15 years ago but it still upsets me every year, on my birthday."- PedanticCyborg
While most believe "ignorance is bliss", anyone handed a pink slip deserves to know why.
Even if sometimes the reason gives no closure whatsoever, and instead only results in even more questions.
Certain locations really damper on a good time.
For instance, it's not fun to do it in cramped spaces.
Looking at you, airplane bathrooms and backseat of cars.
Many cannot be bothered to maneuver in some odd location.
Beds. Beds are sexy.
Always were, always will be.
Redditor sasukelikescarrots wanted to hear about the places we should all avoid when getting it on, so they asked:
"What do you think are some overrated places to have sex?"
One... I'm claustrophobic.
Two... there is not enough time.
Fatal Attraction lied to us y'all.
The WorstThe Beach Summer GIF by Kel CripeGiphy
"The beach is the worst."
"I hate sand so much so I agree with you."
Let Alone Two
"Airplane bathroom. Too cramped, and smells gross. Keep your Mile High Club pendant."
"I was thinking this too. I am also willing to bet that 99% of people who claim to be in the Mile High Club are lying through their teeth. Seriously, there's barely any space in those lavatories for one person, let alone two, and it's a little hard to get aroused when you're worrying about turbulence and people waiting to use the toilet knocking on the door."
"Public toilets... Why would you even..."
"The only reason I can think of is being a kid of an overprotective parent in high school and you want to desperately get it on with your boyfriend. Public restrooms are the only option sometimes. (Experience)."
"The pool and the shower."
"I hate the shower. I think it was a comedian who said, 'I’ve never been having sex and thought you know what would make this better… If one of us was freezing.'"
"I personally like the shower cause my partner likes to be in the water and I like being cold so it works out cause sex gets me pretty warm anywho."
"The shower is for foreplay, not sex. Pretty much every time we shower together it’s a given that it will lead to sexy time, whether we were planning on it or not/in the mood or not…. intimacy and touching, etc.,?…. we just B-line for the bedroom. But sex IN the shower?… no."
And a Happy Meal?happy ronald mcdonald GIF by McDonald's CZ/SKGiphy
"McDonalds ball pit…"
"They have a cleaning machine that can clean all the balls and it's all sanitary. I think that could be a really good time"
Have some decorum people.
I'd go to Burger King.
Check PleaseApplebees GIFGiphy
"The men's room at Applebee's during Happy Hour on a Tuesday."
"I spent my teens and early 20s having sex in cars. About a year ago (I'm almost 40) the wife and I are out and in the mood so let's have sex in the car like we used to. Bad idea, how the f**k did we used to have sex all the time back there, now it's uncomfortable and I got a cramp in my leg."
"Yes. The handful of times I’ve tried this, it’s always been so cramped and you need to keep repositioning or someone bumps their head. I guess it could be fine if you had one of those huge American tanks, but cars here in Australia never have that much room inside."
"Churches and graveyards. I've done it in both, and it's not really that great."
"Never in my life have I thought either of those locations sounded like a fun place to have sex. I guess if you have a kink for getting caught then it's as good as any because there's this perception of it being sacrosanct, but it just seems at best uncomfortable and at worst going to get me on a registry somewhere.
"Waterbeds. One of my GF's had one, and I *hated* it. It's impossible to get traction or the proper angle."
"Good call. There’s nothing to push off of. Nowhere to plant knees either. A true s**t show."
"I knew there was a reason why I forgot about my waterbed! Thanks for reminding me about that abomination!"
Wow. I mean. Y'all have really gone out and experimented fully.