Let's not tell your mother about this, it'll be our little secret.
Chances are you've messed up at least once. But luckily for you, you had your dad on your side, and he was willing to do what it took to keep you out of trouble. And sometimes, if you ever caught your dad slipping up, you did your part, tooo.
After Redditor links-shield632 asked the online community, "In the spirit of Father's Day, what was your 'don't tell your mother about this' moment?" fathers lined up to share their stories. And those who aren't fathers shared memories of their own fathers!
"hey don't tell your mom, I'll get it fixed"Giphy
I was with my dad and we thought it was a good idea to start a small fire, on the porch, the wooden porch. It was made of mostly paper and we made sure to scatter the embers and everything but after we went inside and to bed, the wind must've kicked up because we came outside the next day and there was a giant hole burned into the porch. My dad just told me,"hey don't tell your mom, I'll get it fixed," he the proceeded to cover it with a small table. She found out anyway and we're pretty lucky that the house didn't burn down.
Saying this in honor of my dad as he is very old and does not reddit, he once cut the end of my toe off as a baby cutting my sharp baby nails and my screaming brought in my brother. Hey joined forces to get me all bandaged up and told my mother I'd banged it into a wall or trapped it in a door or something? My mum found out (and by extension so did I) when I was 10.
A wholesome one: for my mums 50th birthday he bought her a set of vintage diamond and pearl earrings and a necklace. I helped him choose them out. I'm never allowed to tell her just how much they cost.
Dad and I used to rent a movie each week for when mum had dinner with friends. Usually things like star trek or action films. One day (I was about 11) he came home with "Blade." We got about 10 minutes in and he turns to me and said "don't tell your mother about this, let's just say I forgot to get it this week". Of course I agree.
Fast forward 7ish years, dad blithely drops at the dinner table the fact that we watched blade when I was about 11. Silly dad thought there was some kind of statute of limitations on this.
"When I was 5"
Not a real "don't tell your mother about this" moment, but when I was little, my dad had a workshop in the garage where he'd do wood work. I'd come out and talk to him while he worked, and he'd let me sit on the car that was parked in the garage. He framed it as something that was so bad and edgy and we couldn't tell my mom, and I was five, so I believed it and felt so cool without actually doing anything wrong or dangerous.
"Out of Ammo"Giphy
My dad, brother, and I went out to these dunes near where I live with bottle rockets. We each had an empty milk jug and each took like 20 bottle rockets for ammo. Then, we ran around launching bottle rockets at each other. I was the youngest, which made me the hardest to hit, so I won the rocket war. But yeah, mom never found out
Daughter speaking for her father.
In high school, everybody was always busy at work or clubs, so I was the first one in my household to get home nearly every single day. Dad was having money troubles that he didn't want to disclose to anyone, so he paid me $5 a month to take the bank statement letter from the mailbox and hide it from my stepmom until he got home. It was the closest thing I got to an allowance.
P.S. I had no idea what the "money trouble" was, BTW. I was always the "don't ask, don't tell" person, so that's why he trusted me the most about this.
"figure something out"
We forgot my passport during vacation and were already at the border station when we noticed. My dad then said that we won't turn back but that he will "figure something out". Turns out he smuggled me successfully across 3 Border crossings without my passport. Before we arrived at home, he told me not to tell my mom about this.
"Quid Pro Quo"
Not a father but a story about mine. one day I decided to pull a sick day at school and came down stairs and saw that my dad was making a coffee, I asked him what he was doing and why he wasn't at work and he said I could ask you the same question. We stood in silence for a moment and he said I won't tell your mum if you won't. We had a good laugh about it and he let me have the day off.
"The Pre-Covid Days"Giphy
When my wife's at work, I will take my daughter (4year old) out for breakfast, then we will go on a small adventure around a shop of her choice and pretend whatever she wants, last time we went to a car parts shop and rolled tires around as we were freeing the rollings from monster, so far my wife doesn't believe her when she later on grasses me up. Tbh its the only thing pre-Covid i miss doing.
"WHAT IS HE DOING ON THE ROOF?!"
Dad was putting new roof shingles on. I was probably 3 maybe 4. I asked if I could help. He said if I could climb the ladder sure. I was always climbing so that was no issue. Climbed right on up and started handing him shingles. It would have been a "don't tell your mother" moment had she not come home from grocery shopping. After several back and forth of "Where are you" and "Up here mom" she figured it out and flipped out. "WHAT IS HE DOING ON THE ROOF?!"
Edit: I'm not a dad so I posted on behalf of my dad.
My dad used to wake me up at night when I was in middle school to watch Jack@ss with him. We would be absolutely wheezing with stifled laughter while my mom snored through it all. Thanks for jogging this sweet memory loose in my head, it's been a long time.
My son randomly walked to the kitchen, 3am (was finishing up some call of duty) and he saw me eating ice cream. So I got him a bowl and we were whispering like nerds (he was 4) and I said "don't tell mom" and he said "don't tell mom!"
Didn't do the dishes following morning and my wife asked who had ice cream, the traitor pointed right at me lol.
"Out of the Radius"
One for my dad.
My dad took me to my first MLB game (God I miss baseball ;_;) and told me not to tell my mom.
Later found out it was because the game was a good bit outside of the travel radius set in the custody agreement. They were arguing a lot more than usual at the time so he knew mom would say no if he asked about it, but really wanted to take me to a game. Told me not to say anything so she couldn't use it against him while trying to take him to family court again.
Luckily I didn't say anything and we got to keep sneaking away to games until the travel radius stopped being a thing. Dad still has the tickets too.
I took both kids out at around 13 to show them how to drive. Just in big empty parking lots or in the neighborhood but they loved it and I enjoyed a little secret with them for a while.
I had a similar thing, but we have a large yard (like almost 2 acres) so one year when we were dealing with branches from the yearly pruning, he let me drive the pickup to the back field. No big deal right? Well our pickup is from the mid 70s and our yard has a bunch of trees and cars scattered around. I should have hit something. The only reason I didn't drive all the way to the back was because I couldn't make it up the worlds smallest hill. Lol. Kept spinning the tires.
"Waffle House Tales"
Story about my father. When I was about 6 or 7 we were really hard up for money at the time, so we cut down on all expenses, saving change, ect. My mom would go out of town for work every other weekend. My dad would save up a few dollars over the weeks, take me to Waffle House for breakfast, go on a walk on the beach, then take me home and let me play the I Spy computer game on his work computer. He would always teasingly tell me not to tell mom about Waffle House, I don't think she would have been mad but it was fun to have something just the 2 of us would do together. I love my dad ❤️.
"Out With Dad"Giphy
When I was in middle school I was the only one willing to go shopping groceries with my dad, he didn't want to go alone and my mom was at school studying her master's. None of my siblings wanted to go with him. We used to go to Carl's Jr., have a big breakfast, and then we went grocery shopping. Nobody knew, not even my mom, until years later. He would also let me buy any cereal I wanted. That's actually how I learned how to buy good fruit and veggies, how to order meat and fish, etc. When my siblings found out they were angry bc "they would've gone if a big breakfast was on the menu". My mom just laughed. Nowadays they sneak to have breakfast together before going grocery shopping since we're all grown up.
"Dad watch out it's the 5-0!"
When my son was 6 I was playing Grand theft Auto late at night. He wakes up and comes to the living room, tells me he can't sleep, and asks can he watch me play. I say he can but not to tell his mom he agrees with a big smile. Maybe after about an hour he is playing and I'm watching and helping him. He can't stop laughing driving into people and running from the cops. I was telling him to watch out for the 5-0 and he asks me what that means, so I tell him it's the cops, he just shrugs and keeps playing. Now fast forward about a week later and we are all driving in the car. All I hear is a scream of "Dad watch out it's the 5-0!" And I absolutely start crying from laughing so hard all while his mother is questioning where he learned that. He just says "YouTube." She found out later that I let him play GTA, but I hope the memory of that is as special to him as it is to me.
"my kids ratted you out"
Female coworker of mine was miserable at work one day. I asked her what was wrong... she told me it was her anniversary, and she knew her husband had forgotten. She had pre-teen girls at home during summer vacation.... I knew her home phone number (pre-cell phone era). I called her home phone and one kid picked up. Explained to the kid who I was and that she needed to call Dad at work and remind him it was Mom and Dad's anniversary.... and don't tell Mom OR Dad I called.
The next day she was all smiles, gosh he DID remember, brought home flowers and took her to dinner. Mission Accomplished. Not a word was ever said about this....
Until 6 years later, when she left the company. She gave me a hug at a farewell luncheon, and whispered "my kids ratted you out. Thank you".
"It's My Time"
When my 3 year old wakes up in the middle of the night, like maybe 3 times a month, instead of putting her back to sleep okay her stay up and partake in whatever it is I am doing no matter what. Sometimes she falls asleep in minutes and some times she stays up for a couple hours. I think it's amazing times, I think it may even be dream like for her by the way she speaks and moves. She has painted with me, heard my books read aloud, watched lord of the rings and cooked creme brûlée. The rule is, it's my time so if she's gonna be with me she does what I'm doing just like o do for her all day long. She totally gets it and never makes it about her.
My goodness, thank you everybody for your comments and your awards. What a special day to be recognized as a father.
My dad and I (around 5 years old) were on our way home from a car show when we were getting followed by the cops. My dad struggled to put on his seatbelt quickly in hopes he wouldn't get a ticket. Unfortunately, we got pulled over. This might have been the first time EVER that I saw a cop this close up let alone speak to one. I was a deer in headlights the whole time.
Well, with a cop on either side of the car, the officer leaned in and asked my dad why he was swerving. That FOOL told the cops I was tickling him. The cops looked at me straight in the eyes and asked if this was true. I was too scared to say anything and just nodded yes. The officers smiled and said, "Never to do that again while your father is driving, ok?" They left without any further words and my dad gave me the lecture of 'don't tell your mom.'
tl;dr - Dad and I get pulled over when he tried to get his seatbelt on, blamed it on me tickling him instead.
I was having a good heart to heart with my step dad as a teen. We were chilling in the Shop where he does most of his odd job work, and by the end of our conversation he pulls out his bong and asks "Wanna keep going? But don't tell your mom she will throw my @ss through a window" Ironically enough the way they met was at a bar and my step dad was hitting on her and she said she could throw him across the bar, he dared her, so she did. He told me that was the moment he knew he would fall in love with her.
Edit: The entirety of this thread is so wholesome and wonderful to read it's taken up a good couple hours of my time going through all the stories posted here. Brought some happiness to this bleak time for many people and that makes me happy.
"Not the Puppets"Giphy
When I was younger my dad and I would always go to the movies together, it was our thing. I always looked forward to it. Also, when I was about 11, we would often watch family guy or South Park together; certainly not age appropriate, but nothing to terrible I don't think.
However one day he took me to see Team America: World Police when it came out (made by the guys who did South Park). I think he realized his mistake during the puppet sex scene, and immediately after said "don't tell your mom about this". RIP Dad, love and miss you!
Dad scratched the car after an idiot turned and rammed into us. He told me to just keep it a secret and he slid me a few singles to keep my mouth shut.
But she found out anyway lol.
"Song out but Quiet"
My dad sang "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life" to us once, and we cracked up. So when Mom had a weekend business trip and Dad had to entertain us, he went out and rented Monty Python's Life of Brian. Mind you, he hadn't seen that since it was in theaters, some 18 years earlier.
Dad, at the video store: hmm, I don't remember this being rated R. Well, I'll be right there with the girls, I can explain anything that's a bit adult.
Dad, after the movie: Kids, it's very important that you don't repeat any of the jokes you've just learned about naked people or private parts, especially not at school... Or to your mother!
"goodness what is all that?!"
When we were kids my dad took me and my sister out on a bike ride. My sister had her own bike while I was sat in the kiddie seat on his. At some point we come to a stop, and I guess my sister was still a little unsteady on her bike because she started wobbling. In a bid to help, my dad leaned over to steady her, so much so that I flipped right out of the seat (in true 90s fashion there was only the single buckle to keep me in) and landed right onto asphalt.
I was fine except for the deep scrapes right across my face and abdomen. It was completely an accident but my dad panicked and told both of us "oh god don't tell mom" and ushered us home to patch me up.
He caught some hell from mom because he couldn't hide a face injury especially when it started scabbing over into an ugly mess but he impressively managed to conceal the rest by volunteering to be the one to bathe me and put me to bed every night. It got found out anyway a couple weeks later when we were playing with an inflatable pool and a family friend was like "goodness what is all that?!"
"Poop & Britches"Giphy
My stepson is 6 and pooped his pants yesterday. I was knocking on the bathroom door because I had to use it. He yells out "DON'T COME IN I HAD AN ACCIDENT, GO AWAY!" I asked him what accident? He said "Go to your room I had an accident" So I asked him if he needed help cleaning it up he said "ok come in then" I open the door and there he is underwear on the floor and a paper towel in his hand filled with poop. It took a lot for me to not laugh in his face. I was proud of him for doing a pretty good job of cleaning the mess. I rinsed his britches we got him changed and he told me to get the laundry done so we knocked that out before mommy got back from the store and she is none the wiser... We look like we did chores instead of playing all day.
My dad used to hoist my siblings and I to the ceiling in a garbage can with a come along and swing us back and fourth. Fun as hell, but "don't tell your mother."
I was in middle school, my father gradually bought computers and monitors for us 4 kids and himself and the 5 of us would play World of Warcraft together for many days and always log off one hour before mom got home. We'd rush all the chores in that one hour. That's when we had teamwork at its finest. She never knew we all played cause she thought it was the devil.
Edit: I've never had 1k+ upvotes before. I can't wait to show my dad how much love he's getting on Father's Day. Thank you! Happy Father's Day everyone.
Edit 2: thank for for my first award! My dad doesn't have reddit but he'd say this.
"I'm Bigger Now"
It was a series of moments, and we were crappy at hiding things from mom.
When I was very little, dad worked first shift and mom worked some evenings. Dad liked to watch The Twilight Zone and the like. I enjoyed them too, but would get scared after he put me to bed and they played hell getting me to sleep. Hence, mom ruled that I was not allowed to watch them anymore.
Every time mom was at work, I would wheedle until dad let me stay up late and watch his shows with him. I would promise that "I'm bigger now, I won't get scared, I'll go right to sleep". And every time, mom would get home from work at 10 PM and I'd still be awake, wide eyed and scared of the dark.
In the winter, he would put the toboggan behind the four wheeler and take us out into the fields and ride around. My mom found out after it tipped and my face got beat up and was bleeding everywhere. Fun.
Edit : A toboggan is a sled in the use of a item you slide down on in the snow
Edit 2 : Whoever gave me an award, thank you. Thank you so much.
Edit 3 : Ok whoever gave me gold is very kind soul.
"Away from Uni"
During the summer holidays from Uni, me and my dad went for some drinks down the pub. He seemed a little off and anxious. I asked him why but he was really cagey. Eventually he said he'd tell me but I had to promise not to let on I knew. Him and mum were getting a divorce. They were waiting until my sister's exams were over before they told anyone. Growing up my parents were always at each other's throats but the previous month or two had been really nice with my family doing stuff together. Turned out he'd been trying really hard to change my mums mind. Had to keep my mouth shut for about a week. Was a very weird time.
My grandpa (he's a father) took us fishing when my brother and I were 5 and 8. He saw a lure stuck in a tree like 50' up a cliff face on the other side of the stream and cast after it. Literally got his lure stuck on the same branch as the other lure first try (how?). Sat us down on the bank, told us in exact words that we were "never allowed to tell grandma about this", and put his waders on. Waded across the full runoff mountain creek and climbed the damn cliff with full waist-high rubber waders. Retrieved both lures, downclimbed it, came and got us and walked back to grandma cooking us dinner hand in hand.
I told grandma at his funeral. She smiled, cried, and was pissed at him. He knew what he was about.
"Miss you, Opa ❤️"
Granddaughter speaking on grandfather's behalf.
When my mom was young, her mother would always bake a bunch of sugar cookies and store them in the pantry until Christmas. After she baked them, my mom and her dad would sneak into the pantry one at a time and eat the cookies. After about 2 months, they had finished the whole batch. My grandmother went to fetch the cookies on Christmas only to find crumbs left. She was pissed, lol. Miss you, Opa ❤️.
My dad let me drive his car. At 10 years old. It was a few feet, but I ALMOST destroyed the garage before hitting the parking brake to stop it.
"well I've seen it now"
Not a father (mine passed) but as his daughter I'm sure this is definitely his biggest 'don't tell your mother' moment, with me at least, I can't speak for my brothers.
I was about 13/14 and had chronic insomnia. My dad worked nights so on his days off he'd often still be up late. I was burning some mix CDs on my computer and ran out of blank discs so I went into the lounge to go get a couple more from the cupboard. I walk in on Dad watching lesbian porn (I remember 2 blondes with huge fake boobs).
Dad flinched. I covered my eyes and for some reason thought to myself 'well I've seen it now' and made my way over to the cupboard at the other side of the room to still get those blank discs. Walked out without saying a word.
The next morning, Dad came down to me and said 'please don't tell your mother.' I never did. A couple of years later he got really sick and after about 10 years of severe COPD he passed away. I look back on this and laugh. It was gross to see, sure, but looking back it's funny. And it reminds me of a time when he was healthy. Damn I miss that man.
"Learning on Video"
Our boy is ten. I was his teacher the latter half of this Covid year while my wife worked and learned very quickly he is terrified on video calls. Last day of school all the kids were to do a live thirty seconds on the screen to say goodbye to their actual teacher in front of all the other kids in their Hangouts window. I knew our son would never do it and my wife was insisting he do. Big battles. She promised him a friend could stay the night if he did the call. The boy and I pre-recorded the audio and had a static image of him to look like the screen was buffering while I played the audio from my phone into the laptop. He got the sleepover.
My dad and I were emptying the car of a half side of beef to the freezer when I noticed that he was having some issues holding the packages and there was a thick bandage peeking out of the cuff of his shirt with some blood on it. I asked him what was wrong with his wrist, to which he replied "A glass shield on an electric meter shattered at work and slit my wrist. I had to get stitches. Don't tell your mother"
"MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! DAD HURT HIMSELF!"
"I said DON'T tell your mother!"
My dad taught me how to play "Throw rocks," where you toss a handful of rocks in the air directly above you and run away before they hit you. I was playing it one day with my cousin and got clunked on the head by a big one and bled all over my face and shirt collar. I went crying to dad and he paid me a dollar and a piece of gum to keep quiet about the throw rocks game and just tell mom my cousin threw it at me. My relationship with my cousin has been irreversibly damaged since then because I lied on him and he never wanted to talk to me again so we drifted apart.
"Outside of the Scottsdale, AZ city limits"
Welp, I'm a dad, but I think my best story would be from MY father. He wanted to take us outside of the Scottsdale, AZ city limits to see Halley's comet (it was a huge deal when it came through in the 80s.
We drove about 45 min north of town into deep desert. We spent some time viewing it, it was rather disappointing, and we heard dogs barking in the distance when we first got there, but they seemed closer. Then closer. It was pitch black, I think we had a flashlight but that was it.
We started heading back to the car, the flashlight was shined at a fence in the distance and about 5 terrifying looking dogs started right at us. We literally got the doors to the car shut as drooling, snarling, dogs started jumping up to the windows and getting in the bed of the truck. We peeled out, and don't tell mom about the dogs ok? Your mom's brother was almost killed and eaten by dogs when he was little.
"All Before 6"
My dad was a teacher and when I was 11, home for spring break, i decided i wanted to make home made donuts while my dad graded papers in the dining room directly off of the kitchen. He had my little brother in there with him, he was about 1 at the time.
I made the dough, I got the oil in a pan nice and hot and then turned my back for long enough for a fire to start.
I thought i could handle it on my own, and carried the flaming pot to the sink and turned on the faucet.
I can only imagine what it was like for my dad, sitting there calmly when a fireball bursts through the door.
All I remember is his hands grabbing me and tossing me outside, then chucking the baby out, followed by the dogs.
He put the flames out, looked at my hand (miraculously not badly burned at all) bandaged it up, drove to home depot, and had the kitchen repainted before my mom got home from work at 6:00.
I'm a writer by trade. Marketing for work, fiction for myself. Every night I tell my son a story before bed. Lately I've been actually been telling him child-friendly versions of my stories.
My wife wonders why he falls asleep so easily for me.
"While building the outdoor play set..."
While building the outdoor play set for my five year old, I drilled a screw completely through a board and into my shoe, barely stopping just as the screw broke skin. I swore right in front of him, something along the lines of "Mother-f****** f*** mother f*****." We are sworn to secrecy to this day.
"My dad was very worried..."
My dad has passed away so I'll tell this on his behalf:
My sister was maybe 10 or 11. My dad was very worried and had been waiting all day for us to come home from school. When we got home he pulled her aside saying he needed to have a serious talk with her. He said to her "I was looking for a pencil, and found this in your desk" and pulled out a plastic baggie filled with some dried plant material. She said, "oh, catnip?" He thought it was pot. We would make little cat toys with catnip and the bag had ripped so she put it in a ziplock bag. He sighed a huge sigh of relief and laughed and told her he thought she was doing drugs and asked her not to tell our mom. He was so embarrassed!
"The next day..."
This last Christmas my four year old helped my wife wrap one of my gifts. It was late so I was working.
The next day, while my wife was at work, she came running through from her bedroom first thing and yelled excitedly "daddy! Daddy! I helped wrap your gift it's a surprise it's a slushie maker!"
"Honey that's awesome but you aren't supposed to tell me that"
"I know, I know, but it's a slushie maker!"
"If you know not to tell me then why did you tell me?"
"Because I'm just so excited to make slushies with you!"
I was crying with laughter at this point and told her that it's an awesome gift but to keep gifts secret, and I told her we wouldn't tell mummy so she wouldn't be disappointed that I knew what it was. I ended up telling her that evening because it was just too funny and cute.
"My dad had this heartbreaking look on his face..."Giphy
I have a wholesome story of my own dad. I was born very early, at only four pounds. On top of that, or possibly as a result, I have a fragile immune system, especially so when I was young, and up until a few years ago, I got seriously sick (fever, vomiting, sore throat, the whole shebang) five times or more a year. I would become so dehydrated from vomiting or get such a high fever that at times, I had to be brought into the emergency room. As a result, I drank exclusively pedialite to counter that when sick, and I developed a serious distaste and hate for the stuff.
My dad was responsible for bathing me one night to help me cool down, I must have been six or seven at the oldest. We were on a vacation, and even as and adult, I always get really sick during or after traveling, and I had inconveniently gotten sick while we were staying in a hotel. I'd had a high fever, and my body was so sore and tired I'd slept for 24 hours, no one could wake me up, and I hadn't drank anything in that time. So my dad put in front of me a very big glass of pedialite and told me I had to finish the whole thing while I sat in the bath. I took it as obediently as I could, but a fourth of the way in, I just felt so miserable and mad that I started sobbing.
My dad had this heartbreaking look on his face, and stroked my hair, near tears himself. It was late, and we were tired, so he wrapped me up in a towel, and put me in bed with he and mom. My dad drinks a lot of mountain dew, and he told me that for every three sips of pedialite I get down, I can have a sip of soda to help wash out the bad taste, but don't tell mom. I never did, and it's one of my favorite memories of me and my dad.
"One night when I was about eight..."
One night when I was about eight, after I had gone to bed, my Dad was playing a Nintendo game, Legend of Zelda I think. We had both been playing it but we were stuck. He finally found a secret passage, paused the game, and came upstairs to wake me up. He told me he figured out where we were stuck, "snuck" me downstairs in a blanket (I'm sure my mom knew), and I got to stay up after midnight on a school night, hiding under a blanket, to see where the hidden passage went. It was a silly little incident, but very memorable.
"I have always worked in restaurants..."
I have always worked in restaurants and get home late nights. On Fridays I treat myself to takeout. Not just any takeout, the bad stuff... Cheese fries topped with Gyro meat, steak nachos with guac. Always a large, always with a big bottle of beer they sell singly. When my girls were little they would sneak down late at night and we would munch bad food and watch really bad funny movies with all the swear words in.
"It was my weekend..."
It was my weekend with my 15-year-old son; we had divorced when he was 10. We were at a pool party BBQ at my friend's condo complex and I had brought a couple sodas for him. The dude cooking the chicken overcooked it and was dry, and another friend had pilfered one of the Dr. Peppers so my son needed something to drink, I suggested he go back to the condo and find something in the fridge.
Then he pointed at the plastic pitcher with about a glass left of margarita, I said OK but don't tell your mom. I figured he would just take a mouthful to wash down the food but nope, he pounded the whole thing. I was like OK, well there wasn't that much in there so no biggie.
I said "Damn dude didn't think you were gonna chug the whole thing!" He was like "what, is there alcohol in it?" I was like "yeah duh it's a margarita". He said "but you guys used to make us kids margaritas when you had people over the house!" I said "Yeah, virgin ones with just ice and the mixer in the blender, not the adult version with tequila in it!"
Well next thing you know he's super chatty, actually talking to all my friends like a normal outgoing person instead of his usual teenage introverted small talk.
Problem was it was Sunday and I had to take him back to his mom's that evening. I was planning on getting chewed out about it, or she would find it hilarious, honestly it could have gone either way with her I could never predict how she would take it.
Luckily she was out when we got there and I told him to just go to his room and take a nap, he already fell asleep in the car on the way there. She was none the wiser, I think some time later he eventually told her about it and she did find it funny after all.
"My wife just laughed..."Giphy
One night I was enjoying a small bit of ice cream after my four year old daughter went to bed. She came downstairs and 'caught' me. So I offered her a small bite, but since she was supposed to be in bed, I said "Don't tell mom." She assured me she wouldn't. My wife wouldn't have cared anyway but it was a fun little game to play.
After she went up to bed and I was down on the couch, she snuck in to the master bedroom where mom was resting. She told mom that I had let her have some ice cream, and she was afraid of "sugar bugs" so could she please brush her teeth again.
My wife just laughed at me the next day. Little girl ratted me out to brush her teeth, something she doesn't like doing anyway.
"College was over a decade ago..."
My parents helped me out with rent during college. They'd send me a check every month for $800 which was honestly really nice of them. My mom usually does it but for whatever reason my dad did it once and spelled my name wrong on the check. Like "Alicia" instead of "Alissa" so it wasn't just a spelling error but also changed the sound of my name a bit. I didn't notice until I was at the bank in line at the teller already and I called my parents.
My dad literally said the words "Don't tell your mother about this" and didn't realize my mom was on the other line 😂 to this day he says he was just distracted and in a rush...
College was over a decade ago but my mom still plays the "At least I didn't forget what our daughter's name was" trump card now and then.
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I love characters I love to hate.
Even when I hate them I can always find the reason they're involved in the story, so I find it difficult to want them to be erased.
Certain characters flaws and the most heinous decisions are written to further story and bolster the audience's love for the heroes.
So as much as we loathe them, we need them; much like our enemies in real life. That is what makes compelling drama.
Redditor u/nekoandCJ wanted to spill the tea on the characters we could do without in our favorite stories by asking:
People of reddit, what fictional character do you hate with a passion?
The list is long for me. It all starts with the guy who shot Bambi's mom. Lord, to this day that is still traumatizing. But she had to go to give Bambi a story. And Michael Douglas's character in "Fatal Attraction," what a putz. He got what he deserved. But how else would we be able to sympathize with Glenn Close? Even though... well y'all get it.
Family FailHome Alone Christmas GIF by FreeformGiphy
"Kevin McCallister's uncle… "look what you did you little JERK!"
"Percy from the green mile, that freak can DIE IN THE MENTAL WARD!!"
"That was what was so good, there is a Percy in every large group and more that one in any team where failure isn't punished, like a government job working at a prison. He was a great comment on humanity."
Love Sharon Though
"Ginger from Casino."
"Major kudos to Sharon Stone, her performance made me utterly loathe that character. She was a manipulative junkie who tied her young daughter to a bed so she could go out to score. I wanted to reach through the screen and choke her."
"Loathe the character, but that performance is absolutely god-tier. Helluva an acting job. Her and Pesci just freaking nail it to the stratosphere, playing thoroughly unlikeable characters in the absolute most realistic way. Ginger is the holistic ideal of the gold-digging party girl. And Pesci is that moron Dunning-Kruger guy we all know."
"Manny from Diary of a Wimpy kid I think there's a while subreddit about that little monster."
Call a Doctor!Giphy
"Nurse Ratched in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. My favorite antagonist ever. Louise Fletcher was perfectly cast for the role, too."
Ohhhh... good choices thus far. Although, I found Sarah Paulson's Ratched more detestable. You know who else is a mess? Elmira Gulch. Love the Wicked Witch. Hate Elmira! Go figure...
True Evilthe sopranos hbo GIFGiphy
"Livia Soprano made my blood pressure rise every time she was on screen. Great acting. Mission accomplished."
"I will say, I've seen Comic-Con panels with him and his smarta** sense of humor fit Micah perfectly. He may have hated the character, but boy oh boy was he a fantastic casting choice. As were all the main cast, for that matter."
All the Drama
"When I tell you I stood up and cheered when I originally saw Heather from Total Drama Island finally get booted out of the competition. 'Twas a good day."
"Season 1 I HATED her and loved when she lost her hair. But then it was more of a love-hate relationship with her. She's a fun character. Owen, now that monster I hate. Loved him season 1, but then he just got reduced to fat guy who farts and contributes nothing."
"Craig from Malcolm in the Middle. He's a selfish, annoying coward. Like the episode where he's injured and he makes Lois drive all over town to different restaurants for him. I love when the helper monkey turns on him, that's what he gets for treating it like crap. I especially hate the episode where Hal asks Craig to help him buy a comic book for Malcolm."
"And Craig also makes Hal drive him all over town for different meals and treats and gifts, then when Hal dares to ask when they're actually going to the comic book store Craig flips out and demands to be let out of the car and says he won't help Hal anymore. Like come the hell on, I just want to slap him."
"Do you need a cough drop, Dolores?!"
"I loved Umbridge for the simple fact that she brought out McGonagall's savagery like no one else, and it was glorious."
"Voldemort is just another generic, pointlessly evil type of character that only seems to exist in fiction. Umbridge is the type of tight @ssed bureaucrat that mimics the actual villain in many average people's real lives."
This thread could be endless. So many villains and loathesome characters so little time. But Lord the drama is good!
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Everyone has their own little quirks.
What's the weirdest thing you find attractive?
Perhaps the thing you find the most attractive is completely unnoticeable to the average person. As in, if you weren't looking for this one tiny, small, completely negligible thing, you would never notice it.
But these people did.
Whip It Back And Forth
"My wife had shoulder length hair for a while. Once, when I called her name and she did the hair-swish-smile thing, I just about f-cking died from cuteness."
Little Stragglies Of Cuteness
"The neck, when a woman has her hair up and those little bits of hair curl around."
"Seeing a girl have to stand on her tiptoes to do basically anything, especially to hug or kiss me.
I think it's the cutest thing ever"
Then there are those people who find things attractive that, on first viewing, someone else wouldn't see as "Wow, that's a real turn on!" However, you have refined and cultured taste. Of course you'll love it when someone's bones stick out a little bit.
"Collarbones. Can't even explain it. Just a shirt low enough to show a pronounced collarbone."
"Omgyes! Protruding collarbones and (at least imo) hipbones are crazy hot! It doesn't have to do with them being skinny though! Slightly curvy people can also have really nice defined collar- and hipbones!"
Controlling A Massive Machine
"My husband reversing the car. He puts his arm around the passenger seat and looks over his shoulder...."
"Oh, man, I love watching people drive. The arm-around-the-passenger-seat-while-reversing thing for sure, but also just people driving in general. There's just something about that focus people get when they're behind the wheel; the way their expressions are usually passive, but their eyes are attentive... oh man. I'm with you on this one for sure."
Someone Has A Thing For "Teen Wolf"
"Long canines. The teeth, not the species.
Not unnaturally long like vampire fangs, but just enough that they're longer than the rest of the teeth."
"Huh, weirdest compliment I've gotten from a guy before was that he liked my 'pointy teeth.' This was at a bar and it made my coworker do a double take."
Then there's these, which you may not have known did it for you, but after reading these there's no going back. You're hooked, now, and that's okay. Embrace the weirdness.
I See You Are Also An Individual Of Class And Substance
"Chokers, f-ck those things stir up something primal in me"
"Ah I see you also grew up in the 90s and watched buffy the vampire slayer..."
Wait, That Seems Pretty Obvi-Oh, That's Why...
"Guys who wear glasses.
For some reason I think it's sexy when we're making out and he has to take them off."
Seems Like You Like Everything They Do. Which Is Great.
"I like when women have to go pee really bad and do that dance. Yea it's weird.
Or when you successfully feed your girlfriend at the appropriate time of day and she does a little dance or starts humming a song as she's chewing.
I like watching the daily skin care routine as they furiously and rapidly circulate their little raccoon sized hands in various nonsense that I'll never understand"
Everyone is different. Everyone has different tastes. Everyone has things that speak to them. These are all perfectly acceptable, and steering into them might actually help you along as you continue your search for a viable romantic partner. Don't shy away from the things you find sexy. Embrace them. Be happy.
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When we're kids, we expect the adults in our lives to notice everything, know everything, and maintain a just, sound moral order.
Psh, don't hold your breath.
Whether it's a teacher, the parent supervising a playdate, or mom and dad at home, kids expect them to have eyes on the back of their heads.
That way, when a kid gets into a spat with a peer, has something stolen, or feels a quiet emotion, the adult in the room will respond with full knowledge of all the facts at play.
But adults are just human beings with a limited bandwidth in their heads. Half the time they're doing other things when the incident goes down.
So they weigh in as best as they can with the limited info they receive--usually in the form of two screaming children pointing at one another.
Curious to learn about the times when the adult got it wrong, Redditor Butterat_Zool asked:
"What minor injustice was wrought upon you as a child that you're still salty about today?"
Many people talked about times when a prized possession was stolen, destroyed, or squandered. Sure, things are just things.
But to kids they mean a whole lot.
Covering Her Tracks
"We had a special arts and crafts week when I was about six, maybe younger. I made my dad a Christmas stocking out of clay, because I'd always thought it was unjust that he didn't have one. It was going to be my Christmas presents to him."
"I took it to the teacher to show her, and so it could be fired later. She methodically destroyed it by balling it up in her hands, and then tried to put it down to a brain fart. I was shocked, but mostly I wanted a replacement stocking, since it was meant to be a gift. I asked her to remake it for me, since she, a teacher, would be allowed to use the clay any time, but I only had a few minutes left."
"The next day I was told I'd been bad and I wasn't allowed to participate in the arts and crafts week any more, and that was that."
No Help From Pa
"When I was 4 I had a little red rocking horse necklace. It was my favourite. I wore it to a puppet show my dad took me to one day and took it off and put it beside me."
"The kid next to me picked it up and wouldn't give it back. We fought."
"My dad told her dad he didn't recognize the necklace and let her take it. I'm 45 and still salty."
In-School Pawn Shop
"Teacher took my 2ft long pencil and sold it to another student."
"Yup. A few teachers at that school sold supplies like pencils to students. It just so happened that this one was taken from me because it was 'too distracting' "
All Them Nintendos
"When I was younger I wanted a Sega Dreamcast. My parents wouldn't just buy it for me, since 'I already had enough Nintendos.' I got a job at Hollywood Video. I couldn't even drive yet, so I would ride my BMX to work in my tuxedo uniform."
"When I saved enough money, I told my parents I was going to buy it myself. They told me no. When I asked why, they said it was to teach me that I can't always get what I want, even if I can afford it."
"I bought one anyway and successfully hid it from them. Every night when I went to 'bed,' I'd hook up the Dreamcast and play as quietly as possible. I still give them sh** for that decision, but they stand by it."
Other people fixated on the times an adult embarrassed them in front of multiple people. Of all the examples given, these are enough to make you really worry about some of the people watching kids out there.
"We were on a field trip to some Washington forest and the ranger started asking about products that grow in or are made from forests."
"3rd grade me who had just discovered in some Ranger Rick article that latex rubber comes from tree trunks confidently raised my hand to share."
" 'Uh rubber from trees, now that doesn't sound right does it' and she moved onto another. 35 years later and the salt is still there."
"In 4th grade our teacher told us to write a paper about what we thought of our school, now our school wasn't great and I was homeschooled up until that year and struggling with the change so wrote about my frustrations and how I was generally unhappy with it..."
"...and she insulted me in front of everybody until the point that I cried and then told me I should get up and read the paper to the class, I refused and she made me rewrite that paper until it was positive, you know instead of trying too help me with the problems I had"
Don't Cross a Paleo Nerd
"I was failed on an essay in English class because my interpretation was incorrect. The poet was describing an airplane and they asked us to figure how what it was being interpreted or anthropomorphized as."
"I was a paleo nerd and chose a pterosaur, because the author described the engines as screeching, and heaving, wings outstretched but still, etc. This was in 6th grade and in my essay I wrote 'and pterosaurs weren't like modern birds, they certainly didn't chirp!' "
"The teacher specifically read my essay out loud to the class as an example of something bad and wrong and 'incorrect.' She also didn't know what a pterosaur was or how you say pterodactyl. Big Salt could mine me until the sun explodes."
And finally, others shared the times they found themselves doing the wrong thing, in the wrong place, at the wrong time. The adult only saw a snippet of a much broader context of behavior.
And the minimal knowledge led them to punish exactly the wrong person.
"Someone's phone went off in class, so teacher demanded that person turn their phone it. No one budges. She holds us in class for a good 20 minutes into the next period antagonizing us about this phone that rung. Eventually she let us go and warned all other teachers about this phone incident."
"My 8th period teacher then gets involved and antagonizes us all again. Said he was gonna stand out in the hall and whoever knows anything to report to him. Some kid went out there and said it was my phone. I got yelled at, got written up for Saturday detention, and later that year found out the kid who told on me was the one who's phone rung in class."
The One Time
"In kindergarten, we sat on this foam mat made out of large puzzle pieces, and we were all assigned one. My puzzle neighbor, Tommy, threw his garbage onto my square. Every time I pushed it off, he'd put it back."
"I eventually got mad and told him to knock it off, and the teacher noticed and yelled at me for throwing garbage into his square. I sat out for the rest of the day and my pin was brought down to 'bad day'. I accidentally broke his nose on the metal spider a few weeks after during tag, though."
Pulled In to the Chatter Hole
"Once a week, in kindergarten, they would pick a name of a kid who would win a toy. Only good kids could participate."
"I was alway a good kid, but not really lucky. My name got picked only once in the whole year. That day, unfortunately for me, I was next to a kid who would not shut up during the lesson. I spoke once to ask him to please stop talking. Guess who the teacher chose to punish for disturbing the lesson? That's right. Me. Didn't get my toy."
Until some kind of horrifying technology comes out that allows adults to see and know every facet of their child's existence, tiny injustices like this will proliferate.
But perhaps those couple slights are totally worth the freedom of adults that don't know everything we're up to.
Modern medicine is a marvel. It's the reason why we've been able to effectively eradicate some serious diseases and improve the quality of health care around the world. When you take these two things into consideration, it's easy to see why vaccine hesitancy can be such a frustrating topic for people right now.
Many people would not be able to survive without the benefits of modern medicine. That's what we learned after Redditor forevernostalgic23 asked the online community,
"If modern medicine didn't exist what medical condition would have died from or been severely impacted by?"
"Bad vision alone would have made me terrible at most things."
I had bad vision until my early 20s. I second this.
"I would have had a very short life..."
"I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes at age seven. I would have had a very short life without modern medicine."
Having known many people who live with diabetes, I am glad that they are still here.
"I probably would have died..."
"I probably would have died at 6 years old from strep throat."
This is a big one: In the past, it commonly killed many people. And guess what, it still does? The CDC estimates approximately 11,000 to 24,000 cases of invasive group A strep disease occur each year in the United States, with 1,200 to 1,900 of those cases resulting in death.
"I was born..."
"I was born with a bilateral abdominal hernia and amniotic fluid in my lungs, no way I would have survived infancy without modern medicine."
"My brother and I..."
My brother and I were bitten by a rabid farm kitten when we were 6 and 4 years old. Without the foresight of my grandfather who had the cat tested and modern medicine creating the vaccine, my parents would be childless."
Frightening! I saw Cujo as a child and that told me all I needed to know about rabies, thank you very much.
"I would have gone deaf..."
"I would have gone deaf from recurrent ear infections as a child and then died at 14 from pneumonia."
"But since that..."
"I was born two months premature, so I'd likely not survive that in an earlier era. But since that, nothing."
"Mom and Dad..."
"The way I was born. Mom and Dad had to feed me through a tube down my nose the first year and a half."
"If the recurrent..."
"If the recurrent tonsillitis didn't get me, my appendix would have been the end of me as a teen."
"Neither kiddo nor I..."
"Giving birth. Neither kiddo nor I would be alive without emergency surgery."
Amazing, right? Be grateful for modern medicine––there are new developments each and every day. And who knows what the future has in store for us? Will there be a cure for cancer? Alzheimer's disease and dementia? The sky's the limit.
Have some stories of your own? Feel free to tell us about them in the comments section below!