
Let's not tell your mother about this, it'll be our little secret.
Chances are you've messed up at least once. But luckily for you, you had your dad on your side, and he was willing to do what it took to keep you out of trouble. And sometimes, if you ever caught your dad slipping up, you did your part, tooo.
After Redditor links-shield632 asked the online community, "In the spirit of Father's Day, what was your 'don't tell your mother about this' moment?" fathers lined up to share their stories. And those who aren't fathers shared memories of their own fathers!
"hey don't tell your mom, I'll get it fixed"
I was with my dad and we thought it was a good idea to start a small fire, on the porch, the wooden porch. It was made of mostly paper and we made sure to scatter the embers and everything but after we went inside and to bed, the wind must've kicked up because we came outside the next day and there was a giant hole burned into the porch. My dad just told me,"hey don't tell your mom, I'll get it fixed," he the proceeded to cover it with a small table. She found out anyway and we're pretty lucky that the house didn't burn down.
"the cutter"
Saying this in honor of my dad as he is very old and does not reddit, he once cut the end of my toe off as a baby cutting my sharp baby nails and my screaming brought in my brother. Hey joined forces to get me all bandaged up and told my mother I'd banged it into a wall or trapped it in a door or something? My mum found out (and by extension so did I) when I was 10.
A wholesome one: for my mums 50th birthday he bought her a set of vintage diamond and pearl earrings and a necklace. I helped him choose them out. I'm never allowed to tell her just how much they cost.
"Blade"
Dad and I used to rent a movie each week for when mum had dinner with friends. Usually things like star trek or action films. One day (I was about 11) he came home with "Blade." We got about 10 minutes in and he turns to me and said "don't tell your mother about this, let's just say I forgot to get it this week". Of course I agree.
Fast forward 7ish years, dad blithely drops at the dinner table the fact that we watched blade when I was about 11. Silly dad thought there was some kind of statute of limitations on this.
"When I was 5"
Not a real "don't tell your mother about this" moment, but when I was little, my dad had a workshop in the garage where he'd do wood work. I'd come out and talk to him while he worked, and he'd let me sit on the car that was parked in the garage. He framed it as something that was so bad and edgy and we couldn't tell my mom, and I was five, so I believed it and felt so cool without actually doing anything wrong or dangerous.
"Out of Ammo"
My dad, brother, and I went out to these dunes near where I live with bottle rockets. We each had an empty milk jug and each took like 20 bottle rockets for ammo. Then, we ran around launching bottle rockets at each other. I was the youngest, which made me the hardest to hit, so I won the rocket war. But yeah, mom never found out
"Daughter's Words"
Daughter speaking for her father.
In high school, everybody was always busy at work or clubs, so I was the first one in my household to get home nearly every single day. Dad was having money troubles that he didn't want to disclose to anyone, so he paid me $5 a month to take the bank statement letter from the mailbox and hide it from my stepmom until he got home. It was the closest thing I got to an allowance.
P.S. I had no idea what the "money trouble" was, BTW. I was always the "don't ask, don't tell" person, so that's why he trusted me the most about this.
"figure something out"
We forgot my passport during vacation and were already at the border station when we noticed. My dad then said that we won't turn back but that he will "figure something out". Turns out he smuggled me successfully across 3 Border crossings without my passport. Before we arrived at home, he told me not to tell my mom about this.
"Quid Pro Quo"
Not a father but a story about mine. one day I decided to pull a sick day at school and came down stairs and saw that my dad was making a coffee, I asked him what he was doing and why he wasn't at work and he said I could ask you the same question. We stood in silence for a moment and he said I won't tell your mum if you won't. We had a good laugh about it and he let me have the day off.
"The Pre-Covid Days"
When my wife's at work, I will take my daughter (4year old) out for breakfast, then we will go on a small adventure around a shop of her choice and pretend whatever she wants, last time we went to a car parts shop and rolled tires around as we were freeing the rollings from monster, so far my wife doesn't believe her when she later on grasses me up. Tbh its the only thing pre-Covid i miss doing.
"WHAT IS HE DOING ON THE ROOF?!"
Dad was putting new roof shingles on. I was probably 3 maybe 4. I asked if I could help. He said if I could climb the ladder sure. I was always climbing so that was no issue. Climbed right on up and started handing him shingles. It would have been a "don't tell your mother" moment had she not come home from grocery shopping. After several back and forth of "Where are you" and "Up here mom" she figured it out and flipped out. "WHAT IS HE DOING ON THE ROOF?!"
Edit: I'm not a dad so I posted on behalf of my dad.
"Hard Laughs"
My dad used to wake me up at night when I was in middle school to watch Jack@ss with him. We would be absolutely wheezing with stifled laughter while my mom snored through it all. Thanks for jogging this sweet memory loose in my head, it's been a long time.
"The Pointer"
My son randomly walked to the kitchen, 3am (was finishing up some call of duty) and he saw me eating ice cream. So I got him a bowl and we were whispering like nerds (he was 4) and I said "don't tell mom" and he said "don't tell mom!"
Didn't do the dishes following morning and my wife asked who had ice cream, the traitor pointed right at me lol.
"Out of the Radius"
One for my dad.
My dad took me to my first MLB game (God I miss baseball ;_;) and told me not to tell my mom.
Later found out it was because the game was a good bit outside of the travel radius set in the custody agreement. They were arguing a lot more than usual at the time so he knew mom would say no if he asked about it, but really wanted to take me to a game. Told me not to say anything so she couldn't use it against him while trying to take him to family court again.
Luckily I didn't say anything and we got to keep sneaking away to games until the travel radius stopped being a thing. Dad still has the tickets too.
"Secret Education"
I took both kids out at around 13 to show them how to drive. Just in big empty parking lots or in the neighborhood but they loved it and I enjoyed a little secret with them for a while.
I had a similar thing, but we have a large yard (like almost 2 acres) so one year when we were dealing with branches from the yearly pruning, he let me drive the pickup to the back field. No big deal right? Well our pickup is from the mid 70s and our yard has a bunch of trees and cars scattered around. I should have hit something. The only reason I didn't drive all the way to the back was because I couldn't make it up the worlds smallest hill. Lol. Kept spinning the tires.
"Waffle House Tales"
Story about my father. When I was about 6 or 7 we were really hard up for money at the time, so we cut down on all expenses, saving change, ect. My mom would go out of town for work every other weekend. My dad would save up a few dollars over the weeks, take me to Waffle House for breakfast, go on a walk on the beach, then take me home and let me play the I Spy computer game on his work computer. He would always teasingly tell me not to tell mom about Waffle House, I don't think she would have been mad but it was fun to have something just the 2 of us would do together. I love my dad ❤️.
"Out With Dad"
When I was in middle school I was the only one willing to go shopping groceries with my dad, he didn't want to go alone and my mom was at school studying her master's. None of my siblings wanted to go with him. We used to go to Carl's Jr., have a big breakfast, and then we went grocery shopping. Nobody knew, not even my mom, until years later. He would also let me buy any cereal I wanted. That's actually how I learned how to buy good fruit and veggies, how to order meat and fish, etc. When my siblings found out they were angry bc "they would've gone if a big breakfast was on the menu". My mom just laughed. Nowadays they sneak to have breakfast together before going grocery shopping since we're all grown up.
"Dad watch out it's the 5-0!"
When my son was 6 I was playing Grand theft Auto late at night. He wakes up and comes to the living room, tells me he can't sleep, and asks can he watch me play. I say he can but not to tell his mom he agrees with a big smile. Maybe after about an hour he is playing and I'm watching and helping him. He can't stop laughing driving into people and running from the cops. I was telling him to watch out for the 5-0 and he asks me what that means, so I tell him it's the cops, he just shrugs and keeps playing. Now fast forward about a week later and we are all driving in the car. All I hear is a scream of "Dad watch out it's the 5-0!" And I absolutely start crying from laughing so hard all while his mother is questioning where he learned that. He just says "YouTube." She found out later that I let him play GTA, but I hope the memory of that is as special to him as it is to me.
"my kids ratted you out"
Female coworker of mine was miserable at work one day. I asked her what was wrong... she told me it was her anniversary, and she knew her husband had forgotten. She had pre-teen girls at home during summer vacation.... I knew her home phone number (pre-cell phone era). I called her home phone and one kid picked up. Explained to the kid who I was and that she needed to call Dad at work and remind him it was Mom and Dad's anniversary.... and don't tell Mom OR Dad I called.
The next day she was all smiles, gosh he DID remember, brought home flowers and took her to dinner. Mission Accomplished. Not a word was ever said about this....
Until 6 years later, when she left the company. She gave me a hug at a farewell luncheon, and whispered "my kids ratted you out. Thank you".
"It's My Time"
When my 3 year old wakes up in the middle of the night, like maybe 3 times a month, instead of putting her back to sleep okay her stay up and partake in whatever it is I am doing no matter what. Sometimes she falls asleep in minutes and some times she stays up for a couple hours. I think it's amazing times, I think it may even be dream like for her by the way she speaks and moves. She has painted with me, heard my books read aloud, watched lord of the rings and cooked creme brûlée. The rule is, it's my time so if she's gonna be with me she does what I'm doing just like o do for her all day long. She totally gets it and never makes it about her.
My goodness, thank you everybody for your comments and your awards. What a special day to be recognized as a father.
"Fingers Off"
My dad and I (around 5 years old) were on our way home from a car show when we were getting followed by the cops. My dad struggled to put on his seatbelt quickly in hopes he wouldn't get a ticket. Unfortunately, we got pulled over. This might have been the first time EVER that I saw a cop this close up let alone speak to one. I was a deer in headlights the whole time.
Well, with a cop on either side of the car, the officer leaned in and asked my dad why he was swerving. That FOOL told the cops I was tickling him. The cops looked at me straight in the eyes and asked if this was true. I was too scared to say anything and just nodded yes. The officers smiled and said, "Never to do that again while your father is driving, ok?" They left without any further words and my dad gave me the lecture of 'don't tell your mom.'
tl;dr - Dad and I get pulled over when he tried to get his seatbelt on, blamed it on me tickling him instead.
"That Moment"
I was having a good heart to heart with my step dad as a teen. We were chilling in the Shop where he does most of his odd job work, and by the end of our conversation he pulls out his bong and asks "Wanna keep going? But don't tell your mom she will throw my @ss through a window" Ironically enough the way they met was at a bar and my step dad was hitting on her and she said she could throw him across the bar, he dared her, so she did. He told me that was the moment he knew he would fall in love with her.
Edit: The entirety of this thread is so wholesome and wonderful to read it's taken up a good couple hours of my time going through all the stories posted here. Brought some happiness to this bleak time for many people and that makes me happy.
"Not the Puppets"
When I was younger my dad and I would always go to the movies together, it was our thing. I always looked forward to it. Also, when I was about 11, we would often watch family guy or South Park together; certainly not age appropriate, but nothing to terrible I don't think.
However one day he took me to see Team America: World Police when it came out (made by the guys who did South Park). I think he realized his mistake during the puppet sex scene, and immediately after said "don't tell your mom about this". RIP Dad, love and miss you!
"Scratched"
Dad scratched the car after an idiot turned and rammed into us. He told me to just keep it a secret and he slid me a few singles to keep my mouth shut.
But she found out anyway lol.
"Song out but Quiet"
My dad sang "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life" to us once, and we cracked up. So when Mom had a weekend business trip and Dad had to entertain us, he went out and rented Monty Python's Life of Brian. Mind you, he hadn't seen that since it was in theaters, some 18 years earlier.
Dad, at the video store: hmm, I don't remember this being rated R. Well, I'll be right there with the girls, I can explain anything that's a bit adult.
Dad, after the movie: Kids, it's very important that you don't repeat any of the jokes you've just learned about naked people or private parts, especially not at school... Or to your mother!
"goodness what is all that?!"
When we were kids my dad took me and my sister out on a bike ride. My sister had her own bike while I was sat in the kiddie seat on his. At some point we come to a stop, and I guess my sister was still a little unsteady on her bike because she started wobbling. In a bid to help, my dad leaned over to steady her, so much so that I flipped right out of the seat (in true 90s fashion there was only the single buckle to keep me in) and landed right onto asphalt.
I was fine except for the deep scrapes right across my face and abdomen. It was completely an accident but my dad panicked and told both of us "oh god don't tell mom" and ushered us home to patch me up.
He caught some hell from mom because he couldn't hide a face injury especially when it started scabbing over into an ugly mess but he impressively managed to conceal the rest by volunteering to be the one to bathe me and put me to bed every night. It got found out anyway a couple weeks later when we were playing with an inflatable pool and a family friend was like "goodness what is all that?!"
"Poop & Britches"
My stepson is 6 and pooped his pants yesterday. I was knocking on the bathroom door because I had to use it. He yells out "DON'T COME IN I HAD AN ACCIDENT, GO AWAY!" I asked him what accident? He said "Go to your room I had an accident" So I asked him if he needed help cleaning it up he said "ok come in then" I open the door and there he is underwear on the floor and a paper towel in his hand filled with poop. It took a lot for me to not laugh in his face. I was proud of him for doing a pretty good job of cleaning the mess. I rinsed his britches we got him changed and he told me to get the laundry done so we knocked that out before mommy got back from the store and she is none the wiser... We look like we did chores instead of playing all day.
"Falling Up"
My dad used to hoist my siblings and I to the ceiling in a garbage can with a come along and swing us back and fourth. Fun as hell, but "don't tell your mother."
"The Craft"
I was in middle school, my father gradually bought computers and monitors for us 4 kids and himself and the 5 of us would play World of Warcraft together for many days and always log off one hour before mom got home. We'd rush all the chores in that one hour. That's when we had teamwork at its finest. She never knew we all played cause she thought it was the devil.
Edit: I've never had 1k+ upvotes before. I can't wait to show my dad how much love he's getting on Father's Day. Thank you! Happy Father's Day everyone.
Edit 2: thank for for my first award! My dad doesn't have reddit but he'd say this.
"I'm Bigger Now"
It was a series of moments, and we were crappy at hiding things from mom.
When I was very little, dad worked first shift and mom worked some evenings. Dad liked to watch The Twilight Zone and the like. I enjoyed them too, but would get scared after he put me to bed and they played hell getting me to sleep. Hence, mom ruled that I was not allowed to watch them anymore.
Every time mom was at work, I would wheedle until dad let me stay up late and watch his shows with him. I would promise that "I'm bigger now, I won't get scared, I'll go right to sleep". And every time, mom would get home from work at 10 PM and I'd still be awake, wide eyed and scared of the dark.
"Toboggans"
In the winter, he would put the toboggan behind the four wheeler and take us out into the fields and ride around. My mom found out after it tipped and my face got beat up and was bleeding everywhere. Fun.
Edit : A toboggan is a sled in the use of a item you slide down on in the snow
Edit 2 : Whoever gave me an award, thank you. Thank you so much.
Edit 3 : Ok whoever gave me gold is very kind soul.
"Away from Uni"
During the summer holidays from Uni, me and my dad went for some drinks down the pub. He seemed a little off and anxious. I asked him why but he was really cagey. Eventually he said he'd tell me but I had to promise not to let on I knew. Him and mum were getting a divorce. They were waiting until my sister's exams were over before they told anyone. Growing up my parents were always at each other's throats but the previous month or two had been really nice with my family doing stuff together. Turned out he'd been trying really hard to change my mums mind. Had to keep my mouth shut for about a week. Was a very weird time.
"Good Grandpa"
My grandpa (he's a father) took us fishing when my brother and I were 5 and 8. He saw a lure stuck in a tree like 50' up a cliff face on the other side of the stream and cast after it. Literally got his lure stuck on the same branch as the other lure first try (how?). Sat us down on the bank, told us in exact words that we were "never allowed to tell grandma about this", and put his waders on. Waded across the full runoff mountain creek and climbed the damn cliff with full waist-high rubber waders. Retrieved both lures, downclimbed it, came and got us and walked back to grandma cooking us dinner hand in hand.
I told grandma at his funeral. She smiled, cried, and was pissed at him. He knew what he was about.
"Miss you, Opa ❤️"
Granddaughter speaking on grandfather's behalf.
When my mom was young, her mother would always bake a bunch of sugar cookies and store them in the pantry until Christmas. After she baked them, my mom and her dad would sneak into the pantry one at a time and eat the cookies. After about 2 months, they had finished the whole batch. My grandmother went to fetch the cookies on Christmas only to find crumbs left. She was pissed, lol. Miss you, Opa ❤️.
"Garaged"
My dad let me drive his car. At 10 years old. It was a few feet, but I ALMOST destroyed the garage before hitting the parking brake to stop it.
"well I've seen it now"
Not a father (mine passed) but as his daughter I'm sure this is definitely his biggest 'don't tell your mother' moment, with me at least, I can't speak for my brothers.
I was about 13/14 and had chronic insomnia. My dad worked nights so on his days off he'd often still be up late. I was burning some mix CDs on my computer and ran out of blank discs so I went into the lounge to go get a couple more from the cupboard. I walk in on Dad watching lesbian porn (I remember 2 blondes with huge fake boobs).
Dad flinched. I covered my eyes and for some reason thought to myself 'well I've seen it now' and made my way over to the cupboard at the other side of the room to still get those blank discs. Walked out without saying a word.
The next morning, Dad came down to me and said 'please don't tell your mother.' I never did. A couple of years later he got really sick and after about 10 years of severe COPD he passed away. I look back on this and laugh. It was gross to see, sure, but looking back it's funny. And it reminds me of a time when he was healthy. Damn I miss that man.
"Learning on Video"
Our boy is ten. I was his teacher the latter half of this Covid year while my wife worked and learned very quickly he is terrified on video calls. Last day of school all the kids were to do a live thirty seconds on the screen to say goodbye to their actual teacher in front of all the other kids in their Hangouts window. I knew our son would never do it and my wife was insisting he do. Big battles. She promised him a friend could stay the night if he did the call. The boy and I pre-recorded the audio and had a static image of him to look like the screen was buffering while I played the audio from my phone into the laptop. He got the sleepover.
"MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!"
My dad and I were emptying the car of a half side of beef to the freezer when I noticed that he was having some issues holding the packages and there was a thick bandage peeking out of the cuff of his shirt with some blood on it. I asked him what was wrong with his wrist, to which he replied "A glass shield on an electric meter shattered at work and slit my wrist. I had to get stitches. Don't tell your mother"
"MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! DAD HURT HIMSELF!"
"I said DON'T tell your mother!"
"Throw rocks"
My dad taught me how to play "Throw rocks," where you toss a handful of rocks in the air directly above you and run away before they hit you. I was playing it one day with my cousin and got clunked on the head by a big one and bled all over my face and shirt collar. I went crying to dad and he paid me a dollar and a piece of gum to keep quiet about the throw rocks game and just tell mom my cousin threw it at me. My relationship with my cousin has been irreversibly damaged since then because I lied on him and he never wanted to talk to me again so we drifted apart.
"Outside of the Scottsdale, AZ city limits"
Welp, I'm a dad, but I think my best story would be from MY father. He wanted to take us outside of the Scottsdale, AZ city limits to see Halley's comet (it was a huge deal when it came through in the 80s.
We drove about 45 min north of town into deep desert. We spent some time viewing it, it was rather disappointing, and we heard dogs barking in the distance when we first got there, but they seemed closer. Then closer. It was pitch black, I think we had a flashlight but that was it.
We started heading back to the car, the flashlight was shined at a fence in the distance and about 5 terrifying looking dogs started right at us. We literally got the doors to the car shut as drooling, snarling, dogs started jumping up to the windows and getting in the bed of the truck. We peeled out, and don't tell mom about the dogs ok? Your mom's brother was almost killed and eaten by dogs when he was little.
"All Before 6"
My dad was a teacher and when I was 11, home for spring break, i decided i wanted to make home made donuts while my dad graded papers in the dining room directly off of the kitchen. He had my little brother in there with him, he was about 1 at the time.
I made the dough, I got the oil in a pan nice and hot and then turned my back for long enough for a fire to start.
I thought i could handle it on my own, and carried the flaming pot to the sink and turned on the faucet.
I can only imagine what it was like for my dad, sitting there calmly when a fireball bursts through the door.
All I remember is his hands grabbing me and tossing me outside, then chucking the baby out, followed by the dogs.
He put the flames out, looked at my hand (miraculously not badly burned at all) bandaged it up, drove to home depot, and had the kitchen repainted before my mom got home from work at 6:00.
"Sweet Stories"
I'm a writer by trade. Marketing for work, fiction for myself. Every night I tell my son a story before bed. Lately I've been actually been telling him child-friendly versions of my stories.
My wife wonders why he falls asleep so easily for me.
"While building the outdoor play set..."
While building the outdoor play set for my five year old, I drilled a screw completely through a board and into my shoe, barely stopping just as the screw broke skin. I swore right in front of him, something along the lines of "Mother-f****** f*** mother f*****." We are sworn to secrecy to this day.
"My dad was very worried..."
My dad has passed away so I'll tell this on his behalf:
My sister was maybe 10 or 11. My dad was very worried and had been waiting all day for us to come home from school. When we got home he pulled her aside saying he needed to have a serious talk with her. He said to her "I was looking for a pencil, and found this in your desk" and pulled out a plastic baggie filled with some dried plant material. She said, "oh, catnip?" He thought it was pot. We would make little cat toys with catnip and the bag had ripped so she put it in a ziplock bag. He sighed a huge sigh of relief and laughed and told her he thought she was doing drugs and asked her not to tell our mom. He was so embarrassed!
"The next day..."
This last Christmas my four year old helped my wife wrap one of my gifts. It was late so I was working.
The next day, while my wife was at work, she came running through from her bedroom first thing and yelled excitedly "daddy! Daddy! I helped wrap your gift it's a surprise it's a slushie maker!"
"Honey that's awesome but you aren't supposed to tell me that"
"I know, I know, but it's a slushie maker!"
"If you know not to tell me then why did you tell me?"
"Because I'm just so excited to make slushies with you!"
I was crying with laughter at this point and told her that it's an awesome gift but to keep gifts secret, and I told her we wouldn't tell mummy so she wouldn't be disappointed that I knew what it was. I ended up telling her that evening because it was just too funny and cute.
"My dad had this heartbreaking look on his face..."
I have a wholesome story of my own dad. I was born very early, at only four pounds. On top of that, or possibly as a result, I have a fragile immune system, especially so when I was young, and up until a few years ago, I got seriously sick (fever, vomiting, sore throat, the whole shebang) five times or more a year. I would become so dehydrated from vomiting or get such a high fever that at times, I had to be brought into the emergency room. As a result, I drank exclusively pedialite to counter that when sick, and I developed a serious distaste and hate for the stuff.
My dad was responsible for bathing me one night to help me cool down, I must have been six or seven at the oldest. We were on a vacation, and even as and adult, I always get really sick during or after traveling, and I had inconveniently gotten sick while we were staying in a hotel. I'd had a high fever, and my body was so sore and tired I'd slept for 24 hours, no one could wake me up, and I hadn't drank anything in that time. So my dad put in front of me a very big glass of pedialite and told me I had to finish the whole thing while I sat in the bath. I took it as obediently as I could, but a fourth of the way in, I just felt so miserable and mad that I started sobbing.
My dad had this heartbreaking look on his face, and stroked my hair, near tears himself. It was late, and we were tired, so he wrapped me up in a towel, and put me in bed with he and mom. My dad drinks a lot of mountain dew, and he told me that for every three sips of pedialite I get down, I can have a sip of soda to help wash out the bad taste, but don't tell mom. I never did, and it's one of my favorite memories of me and my dad.
"One night when I was about eight..."
One night when I was about eight, after I had gone to bed, my Dad was playing a Nintendo game, Legend of Zelda I think. We had both been playing it but we were stuck. He finally found a secret passage, paused the game, and came upstairs to wake me up. He told me he figured out where we were stuck, "snuck" me downstairs in a blanket (I'm sure my mom knew), and I got to stay up after midnight on a school night, hiding under a blanket, to see where the hidden passage went. It was a silly little incident, but very memorable.
"I have always worked in restaurants..."
I have always worked in restaurants and get home late nights. On Fridays I treat myself to takeout. Not just any takeout, the bad stuff... Cheese fries topped with Gyro meat, steak nachos with guac. Always a large, always with a big bottle of beer they sell singly. When my girls were little they would sneak down late at night and we would munch bad food and watch really bad funny movies with all the swear words in.
"It was my weekend..."
It was my weekend with my 15-year-old son; we had divorced when he was 10. We were at a pool party BBQ at my friend's condo complex and I had brought a couple sodas for him. The dude cooking the chicken overcooked it and was dry, and another friend had pilfered one of the Dr. Peppers so my son needed something to drink, I suggested he go back to the condo and find something in the fridge.
Then he pointed at the plastic pitcher with about a glass left of margarita, I said OK but don't tell your mom. I figured he would just take a mouthful to wash down the food but nope, he pounded the whole thing. I was like OK, well there wasn't that much in there so no biggie.
I said "Damn dude didn't think you were gonna chug the whole thing!" He was like "what, is there alcohol in it?" I was like "yeah duh it's a margarita". He said "but you guys used to make us kids margaritas when you had people over the house!" I said "Yeah, virgin ones with just ice and the mixer in the blender, not the adult version with tequila in it!"
Well next thing you know he's super chatty, actually talking to all my friends like a normal outgoing person instead of his usual teenage introverted small talk.
Problem was it was Sunday and I had to take him back to his mom's that evening. I was planning on getting chewed out about it, or she would find it hilarious, honestly it could have gone either way with her I could never predict how she would take it.
Luckily she was out when we got there and I told him to just go to his room and take a nap, he already fell asleep in the car on the way there. She was none the wiser, I think some time later he eventually told her about it and she did find it funny after all.
"My wife just laughed..."
One night I was enjoying a small bit of ice cream after my four year old daughter went to bed. She came downstairs and 'caught' me. So I offered her a small bite, but since she was supposed to be in bed, I said "Don't tell mom." She assured me she wouldn't. My wife wouldn't have cared anyway but it was a fun little game to play.
After she went up to bed and I was down on the couch, she snuck in to the master bedroom where mom was resting. She told mom that I had let her have some ice cream, and she was afraid of "sugar bugs" so could she please brush her teeth again.
My wife just laughed at me the next day. Little girl ratted me out to brush her teeth, something she doesn't like doing anyway.
"College was over a decade ago..."
My parents helped me out with rent during college. They'd send me a check every month for $800 which was honestly really nice of them. My mom usually does it but for whatever reason my dad did it once and spelled my name wrong on the check. Like "Alicia" instead of "Alissa" so it wasn't just a spelling error but also changed the sound of my name a bit. I didn't notice until I was at the bank in line at the teller already and I called my parents.
My dad literally said the words "Don't tell your mother about this" and didn't realize my mom was on the other line 😂 to this day he says he was just distracted and in a rush...
College was over a decade ago but my mom still plays the "At least I didn't forget what our daughter's name was" trump card now and then.
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Until we're in a situation, we'll never really know how we'll react.
I have been in this scenario, though.
Sex matters. And people rarely want to admit how much.
But sex isn't a lifetime guarantee.
It fades, as does love.
It's important to speak about it.
It can be a fixable situation.
A relationship without sex may not be the end of the world, but it's definitely a sign that something is off.
Redditor Deviant55 wanted to talk about physical intimacy in relationships, so they asked:
"How important is sex to you in a relationship? Could you be with someone you love even if sex was off the table indefinitely?"
I learned how much sex matters in my last relationship.
Once I wasn't interested, it kind of killed everything.
Forever
"When my wife of 30+ years became too ill for sex to be even remotely interesting for her, I certainly did not end the relationship. I loved her and I took care of her until she died. No other course even occurred to me."
fvillion
Frustration
"When I met my wife we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. This lasted a few years. I was in my mid-twenties when we married. She developed a chronic medical issue. I’ve gone twenty years being sexually frustrated. There are stages and phases to this."
"What I came to realize is that I love my wife. Yes, sex is important in our relationship. But I would rather have her in my life with no sex than have sex without her."
"The thing is, I love her. She can’t help her situation. I can’t help it. One deals with it. Marriage is more than sex. It is building a life and memories, raising a family, and loving each other regardless of the challenges life throws our way. But sex is very important. It helps keep the closeness and the emotional bond. But it isn’t the only thing that does that."
QuietusNoctis
I Love Her
"It is complicated. I am in a near-sexless marriage. The wife needs antidepressants to function. And it kills her libido. So usually it is four to six times a year. My libido rages. And yeah, it sucks. I dream of more sex."
"But I love the chick. She loves me to the moon and back. I’m not willing to sacrifice her love so I can try dating again. Divorce rates these days? And I found a woman who more than tolerates me, she loves me. I’ll stay. And not to be crude but yeah I masturbate. A lot. She doesn’t begrudge me that. Occasionally she even encourages it."
"She went off her meds for a while. And man did we do it. But she was a mess. I need her healthy more than I need a shag. We travel together. We enjoy each other’s company. We actually like each other. I could claim that it is hell, but I choose to see all of the good I am blessed with."
painthawg_goose
Heartless
"Quite important. But I think it depends on where you are in the relationship. I've been married for 10 years. I have kids. If my wife suddenly couldn't have sex with me for some reason -- illness or injury or something -- I'm not divorcing her over it. That's heartless."
"Now, if she just decided we weren't ever having sex again because she didn't feel like it, that'd be different. Or if I was just starting to date someone and they told me they'd never have sex, I probably just wouldn't keep pursuing the relationship. Plenty of people out there who will."
Arkhangelzk
Necessity
"It depends on the circumstances. I LOVE doing it with my man but I love his heart and soul more. If we had to stop having sex for medical reasons or something I’d definitely stay with him and stay faithful. If I was single, I think it’s unlikely I’d start a new relationship knowing it would be sex free."
Fit_Technology8240
Heart and soul is just as necessary and hot and sweaty.
At least a lot of people recognize that.
Percentages
"Sex life is 10% of a relationship when it’s good and 90% of a relationship when it’s bad."
jakovichontwitch
"The other way I've heard it put is that sex is like the bathroom in your house. It's not the only reason you bought the house, but if it's not working it's a big problem."
molten_dragon
Age Related
"50-year-old here married for 27 years. It’s not important. It was important when we were younger but honestly, if sex wasn’t possible I would still love my wife and really nothing about our day would really change."
Kantforall
"I’ve been reading these comments and wishing that everyone’s age was flared on their post because I sense that there are a lot of under-60-year-olds. I am older than my wife but she is starting menopause and I can see the writing on the wall. Not super thrilled but I love her completely and understand. The real intimacy is in how we still (and will always) want to sleep touching each other and waking up next to each other."
caffeinated-hijinx
Kiss Me
"I honestly considered this before. I absolutely adored this guy. It was like a child relationship; we'd kiss and cuddle and hold hands and things, but he wouldn't have sex with me, nor would he commit properly. Any time we came close to sex, he'd go soft or back off."
"I couldn't understand it, wondered if I could keep doing that. My sex drive was wild. Why kiss and the rest but not sex?"
"Then one day he told me he was in love with me and asked me out properly. I said yes there and then, had a wonderful day with him, but when I went home, I was left questioning if I could possibly live without sex. I decided that yeah, I loved him but it would be tough."
"We had sex the next day. So yes, I think I probably could."
Adventurous_Train_48
Touchy/affectionate...
"It's very important. I'm a very affectionate and physical person and touch/caresses and anything physical is one of my love languages. I couldn't function with someone who is the opposite of me or who's uncomfortable with how I am. I already was in a relationship with someone who wasn't that touchy/affectionate and it created frustration for both of us."
Borboleta77
Don't Look at Me
"I am in a sexless relationship. He has erectile dysfunction and I really don't like sex in general. I'm really uncomfortable naked or even vulnerable. I'm shy around him despite the relationship being 10 years nearly, I'm even shy around my family and friends. Everything about sex makes me feel so embarrassed, and I feel nothing but negative feelings when I used to be sexually active. Not through choice of partner, I just hate that sort of attention."
NucularOrchid
Definitive!
"10/10. Sexual incompatibility is a deal breaker!"
oeeiae
Sex is important but not everything.
Until it is everything if it becomes an issue.
Good luck couples. Open and honest communication is key.
An important contributor to our overall health and happiness is the quality of our friendships.
We may not have a lot of friends, but the more important factor is the depth of those relationships.
But we've all had one of those friends who turned out not to be a very good friend at all.
Redditor Both-Support-7110 asked:
"When did you realize your 'friends' were just a**holes?"
Putting Them Down
"After I realized that other people don't s**t on each other on every possible occasion in their circle."
"And that it isn't right when a 'friend' uses every known insecurity as an argument against you when you do not behave the way he/she would want you to."
- fobopi9445
"I luckily made a couple of friends that would just be supportive about stuff. So I slowly started talking to them more than my older friends as I saw the disparity between their responses."
"One side purely would be purely judgmental and try and bring me down, and the other would just be excited for me or be there to listen or whatever. Who wants to talk to the former when you have the latter?"
- Universeintheflesh
Using Them as a Convenience
"They only bothered with me when it suited them. I'd rather have nobody than have to deal with that."
- fobopi9445
Trying to Keep Them Small
"When they were nice at first but then cut me out of conversations, telling me not to 'butt in.' A friend doesn't dictate when you're allowed to speak."
- leatherwolf89
"Total a**hole move to have conversations in front of you only to tell you it doesn’t concern you and mean it. . . Like making plans and giving details about how someone like you could be included but specifically telling you not to invite yourself; making plans in front of someone and not inviting them is awful."
- dearlysacredherosoul
Using Them as Entertainment
"She got a boyfriend and would let him listen to our phone calls and not tell me, even if I was crying about personal stuff that I would only ever tell her."
"Then they both started lying to me about my crush liking me back, forcing both him and me into awkward positions (telling everyone we liked each other so they'd play along, swapping places constantly to make us sit next to each other, pressuring him into giving me a lap dance, making him kiss the prettiest girl in the room, etc), and encouraged me to shoot my shot more and more."
"All the while they knew he didn't like me, he had told them both directly. One night, I was crying on the phone because I was so confused why my advances weren't working, and they just kept explaining it away, blaming some other bulls**t reason and telling me to try again."
"The next day, they told me they were laughing throughout the whole call because I didn't get it and I was so upset. I should add I had no dating experience at all and nobody had ever liked me at this point."
- vixayib976
Using Them to Feel Superior
"I didn't have many friends in grade school, but the times the kids actually gave me the time of day, it was to make me 'it' when we'd play tag. That's what I was there for. To continuously be 'it' so they could run away and feel superior. Because they knew I would agree to it no matter what."
- lunayoshi
Having Questionable Morals
"I had a friend that was a very promiscuous girl, I had no issue with that, until I found out she was using me and my innocent personality then, to distract her mom and make her think she was like me."
"Then she used my house as a literal hotel once, with my family here and everything... I knew that was it."
- luffve
Making Fun of Them
"When I made new friends and realized that it's not normal for friends to constantly beat on me and make fun of me."
- vatonef494
Prioritizing Money Over Them
"When they stopped being my friends after I went through a rough financial patch."
- fobopi9445
Becoming Flaky
"I had a group that I was in from 2019-2021. They became a**holes over time, and it took me longer to see that. It was when I failed my psych 101 class (I'm not the best with online classes and tried the best I could) and when they heard about that, they laughed to my face, called me stupid and a failure."
"Early 2022, I met up with them again thinking it would just be a 'listen to this concert for someone we all know and go on our ways' thing."
"My one closer friend offered to drive me and I accepted, and then afterward she joined the group, made eye contact after the concert was done and said, 'bye,' and left with them to the doors. They doubled back and said, 'You can come with us to another town to a friend's place or I can get my mom to drive you home.'"
"I was so overwhelmed and embarrassed that I just went with them to the other town. I called my brother to come to pick me up after an hour, and when he was on his way out, everyone else left. Haven't been into contact with them again after that."
- shortedgyasain
Disappearing When It Counts
"They pretty much abandoned me in a time of pretty intense need. It solidified my decision to leave the area and go do something worthwhile."
- verisimilitu
No Reciprocation Allowed
"When he does s**t to me and acts like it’s no big deal, but then I do the same back, and he gets offended."
- vatonef494
Excluding Them From Plans
"I've got two examples here. One from childhood and one from adulthood. Pick your favorite."
"Childhood: Kid I knew when I was 8 or so. We used to hang out a lot of the time and often played together, doing the usual kid stuff. Then one day, he has to move away because of a change in his parent's financial situation and I was pretty bummed out about it."
"On the last day we were supposed to see each other, he hung out with someone else instead and when tried to join them, he physically shoved me away and told me I wasn't welcome. That one stung."
"Adulthood: When they keep telling me about plans they made and things they did together or wanted to do together, but never bother to invite or include me in any of it. There's one of them I get along with and he'll invite me to things as long as it's just with him, but when he's with the group, he excludes me."
"I remember one example in particular where they were discussing a new site to do some photography and they fell short a man. One of them looks at me like I'm the spare tire in his car and goes: 'I guess you can come with us this one time.', to which another replies: 'Nah, he doesn't want to go. He doesn't like photography.'"
"I told him I was perfectly capable of answering for myself and didn't need him to act as my answering machine, but it lost a lot of impact because he was right. I don't like photography and didn't want to go. I just didn't like being talked about that way."
"Good luck making that clear to them, though. All they heard was: 'If he was right anyway, then why are you b*tching about it?'"
"I no longer hang out with them. I eventually got sick of being treated like the spare guy they can use in case none of the 'main crew' was attending, so I dropped them."
- Kuliari
Terrible Priorities
"In 2006, my then-best friend wanted to go to a big German metal festival. I did not want to go because my Dad had end-stage cancer."
"Dad died on August 8th, a couple of days after my friend returned from the festival. I called him because I needed someone to talk to."
"He very bluntly stated that he had no interest in my Dad's passing but wanted to tell me how great the festival was."
"You can't imagine how disappointed I was. For years, I'd been there for him whenever he got dumped, and the one time I needed a friend, he wasn't there for me. I told him to shut my door from the outside and lose my number."
- fobopi9445
Undesirable Behaviors
"I was 15, we were hanging out in the alleyway behind my friend’s house as we did almost every day after school."
"One girl was there from the year above us and they started prank calling the child protective services emergency line, pretending to be a child in distress, and they all laughed."
"After a few rounds of this, I felt queasy and left. Never hung out with them again. I still feel bad for not saying something or putting a stop to it, but the girl was older and 'cool.'"
- Brasscogs
Taking Advantage of Them
"I've been posting on him recently, he was my former neighbor and friend. We didn't immediately hit it off but after a while, we became good friends."
"I tried helping him out (he's an unemployed single dad of two special needs kids). He eventually saw my kindness as something to take advantage of, so late last fall, he either broke into my house (or enabled someone else to do it for him) and stole money from me."
"When I confronted him about this, he physically attacked me."
"I can't say it doesn't hurt."
- llcucf80
Friendships are incredibly important, but we're unfortunately not meant to be friends with everyone. Some people simply do not turn out to be the friends we thought they were.
We may know that this happens, but that doesn't make it hurt any less.
No one wants to be alone.
But that doesn't mean we should settle when it comes to choosing a romantic partner.
When people rush into things without letting love flourish, it could lead to problems down the line that can inevitably lead to difficult breakups.
Those who've learned this the hard way shared their experiences with love when Redditorlastknownstar asked:
"What common mistakes do people make when choosing a life partner?"
Communication is key.
Discussing Life Issues
"Not discussing big life issues: your preference for having kids, parenting styles, deep religious beliefs, career aspirations, significant traumas…anything that may affect how you make decisions together later on."
– AwkwardFortuneCookie
Outdated Notions
"My parents were like this. Dad grew up in a standard midcentury 'men run the house, women stay in the kitchen' family, but Mom came from a long line of domineering southern matriarchs who had their husbands whipped. Dad was naturally a good cook and Mom hated cooking, but once they got married, Dad insisted she make all the food because that's what wives are supposed to do. No warning, total 180 on their relationship up to that point."
"He's learned his lesson and now happily cooks for my stepmom, but man... That's not something you can just spring on your new spouse overnight!"
– shebbsquids
What About Kids
"Having kids is a really big question that absolutely needs to be communicated. I've also heard that it's a topic that would make the man a big red flag if asked early into the 'relationship' as in first date and/or texts are off limits."
"Wouldnt it be a lot nicer to 'speed date' these big topics early on?"
– Leaping_Turtle
These Redditors realized ignorance of financial responsibility in a relationship came at a cost.
Finances
"Finance is the number 1 leading cause of divorce."
"Edit: this popped up in my YouTube recommendation (Is your relationship struggling because of finance? - Dave Ramsey https://youtu.be/XuU7oabGqjk). Google is not monitoring us or anything"
– strangemanornot
Spending Habits
"This is such a big issue in relationships. Knowing each other's spending habits is equally important. My ex would be extremely judgmental when it came to my 'fun money', but when he bought a new TV or a new gaming console, he was not to be questioned on it."
– RewardNo3000
You can't change people.
Fixing Their Flaws
"Thinking, 'I know this person has flaws, but when we're married I can help fix them.'"
– DoctorExtra9060
"Ok marriage isn’t working but if we have kids things will change because it will bring us closer."
– Mrepman81
Parasitic Love
"I personally had this issue dating someone who was as sweet as could be, but not the brightest bulb in the socket, and they relied on me for knowledge on everything from health to history to housework. All perfectly googleable or troubleshootable questions, but always defaulted to giving up and asking mommy the girlfriend for help. Admittedly it was kind of an ego boost to have someone always telling me how smart I was and deferring to my judgement on everything, but that's not what a healthy romantic relationship should be like."
"I thought I could nudge them gently into being slightly more self sufficient, but it only got worse as they grew accustomed to relying on me for every little thing. And of course the flip side was I felt like I could never rely on them when I needed help... I knew I was SOL if I couldn't do everything myself, because I was dragging around a parasite instead of a partner."
"Next time I want to spend years working on a fixer-upper, I'm just going to buy a crumbling Victorian house. It'll cause me less stress in the long run."
– shebbsquids
Taking An Emotional Toll
"I was in a similar boat with an ex, wasn't so much her fault as she had a learning disability and epilepsy."
"Every other weekend we also looked after her kids from past relationships, one of which had autism, and due to my ex's condition she wasn't allowed to be on her own with the kids meaning I had to be there as the capable, responsible adult."
"We were together for just shy of 4 years."
"After she broke things off it took a good few months for me to get used to the fact that I could actually let my guard down, switch my brain off and relax. Without needing to constantly worry that someone would need my help or that I needed to ensure her safety."
"She didn't quite realise the toll it was having on me or the amount of responsibility was on my shoulders. She would constantly suggest things like holidays abroad with just us two and the kids, and all I could think was that it would be far from a relaxing holiday for me as I'd have her and two kids to look after and be responsible for the entire time."
– ShadowSurgeGaming
Managing expectations is key.
Never Settle
"Choosing someone they think they should be with instead of someone they're actually compatible with."
"I feel a lot of people have a picture in their head of who they think they'll end up with and chase that ideal, instead of acknowledging their own personality and aiming for someone compatible with that. Easier said than done, but yeah."
– Viminia7 ·
Importance Of Value
"I talk with my partner about this all the time. We think its important to have shared values not shared interests."
"Yes it’s important to share things you both like to do, but just because your partner likes One Punch Man, like you do, doesn’t mean they are on the same page as you with resolving conflicts."
– scsm
Elvis Presley reminded us that only fools rush in, despite his intense romantic feelings towards his object of affection.
But the wise men he was referring to were on to something.
It's best to ease into things and let love grow, and not force relationships without really getting to know the person with whom you plan to devote yourself to.
If it's meant to be, it'll be worth taking things slow by getting to know a prospective significant other's dreams, what makes them, and their values to see if there is enough chemistry to develop meaningful relationships.
Among the many reasons people watch, and rewatch, sitcoms is to imagine your life was more like the one you were watching.
Being able to afford a two-bedroom apartment in Greenwich Village on a line cook's salary, somehow always having the comfortable sofa available at your favorite coffee shop whenever you pop in, or having your best friends always available at your beck and call whenever you need them.
For the romantics, however, it's wishing you could have a romance like you've seen on television.
True not all sitcom romances are exactly the sort that makes you go all aflutter (Were Ross and Rachel actually on a break? And don't even get me started about Ted and Robin.)
Other sitcom couples are so captivating, though, that we would have given anything to be at their wedding... or at the very least go to their home for dinner every Friday.
And this includes plutonic couples, as there is nothing more heartwarming than a lasting friendship.
"What is the best couple in sitcom history?"
Creating An Even More Welcoming Community
"Troy and Abed. A couple of friends."- aghzombies
"They did grace the cover of Best Friends Weekly."- DwightsEgo
Sorry Amy...
"Peralta and Doug Judy."- DavosLostFingers
"Reunited and it feels so good 🎶."- Ghostenx
"PSYCH"!... No, Seriously...
"Shawn Spencer and Burton Guster."- dazedcap
"'I'm Black, he's Tan'."- CrueGuyRob
"Snap, Snap."
"The correct answer is Gomez and Morticia Addams."- Reddit
"They loved each other dearly. "
"They were completely enamored with each other, spent time with their kids, their family."
"Accepted everyone as they were."
"It wasn't til I was an adult That I realized married couples weren't meant to hate each other."
"My mother had many partners in my childhood, she's toxic and things were always chaotic."
"And watching 90s sitcoms, I thought married people were meant to hate each other, and I always wondered what the point was."- MissMurder8666
Overshadowed By Their Middle Child...
"Hal and Lois."- MrRocketman999
"As a husband, I don't think I can live up to Hal."
"He sort of sets a really high standard lol."
"He loves her like they are still in the honeymoon phase."
"So infatuated with her lol."- treathugger
A Better Couple? Many Would Say, "Knope"...
"Ben and Leslie."
"I' love you and I like you.'"
"Simple line, yet so powerful."- Radkeyoo
"Gruesome", But Adorable
"Frank and Charlie from Always Sunny in Philadelphia."
"The gruesome twosome."- Herr_Poopypants
The Parents Everyone Wished Were Theirs...
"Bob and Linda from 'Bobs burgers'."- shashybaws
"All of the Belchers have such great relationships with each other. "
"They're wholly accepting and supportive (even if they disagree)."
"They really love each other, and it shows."- SummerOfMayhem
UK Version Only, Of Course...
"Moss and Roy (The IT Crowd)."- pentapotamia
"'I'm your wife, Roy!'"- Summerof5ft6andahalf
"'If anything, I’m the husband!'"- pentapotamia
Afterlife Be Damned... Or not, Actually...
"Eleanor and Chidi from 'The Good Place.'"
"How can you beat two deeply flawed people who together make each other better over and over again?"- hotbimess
Ruining All Food For Viewers, One Food Group At A Time...
"The only correct answer is - Scully and Hitchcock."- Prestigious-Net-2236
"Back off! It's our microwave! Ours! GRRRRRRR!"- Lvcivs2311
Nostalgic And Wonderful
"Kitty and Red from That 70s/90s Show."- saginator5000
"I like how Red on the surface seems like a mean parent who doesn’t let his kids have fun."
"But he’s watching out for his kids."
"And he’s a good man."
"He has a hard and stressful time supporting his family and he is grumpy sometimes but he would do anything for his family and he really loves them."
"What he does for Hyde is amazing."
"He just doesn’t put up with BS."- themanfromvulcan
It Seems Everyone Is Better With Turk At Their Side
"Turk and Carla."
"Or Turk and JD. (Scrubs)."- JCBAwesomist
"Turk and JD all the way."- nunyabidnez76
Can't We Get Back What We Once Had?...
"Homer and Marge had a lot of beautiful moments back in the older seasons."
"Sadly, seasonal rot has ruined a lot of that."
"I miss a lot of how the characters used to be."
"Like, Homer was an oaf and a brute, but he loved his family immensely and deeply and would (and DID) do any and everything for them."
"He'd catch details like in that episode about the streetcar play that you wouldn't think he would."
"He gave up beer for a month for Marge and we got to see that, for him, it wasn't just a minor thing."
'Lisa might have been intelligent but she not only had ample 'dumb/shallow' moments, she also was very close to Bart and, likewise, Bart was close to her."
"He might struggle in school but he also showed he wasn't dumb either."- Snowtwo
Be they married in the first episode or on and off again for an insufferable amount of time (looking at you, Jeanine and Gregory in Abbott Elementry!), sitcom couples give us people to root for and fill our own hearts with hope.
So much so that we don't mind following the arc of their love stories over and over again.
And yes, the episode where David meets Patrick's parents remains a tearjerker, no matter how many times you watch it.