My favorite movie of all time is Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. That movie slaps, aside from the presence of the evil Grandpa Joe. But I can't help but think of the number of lawsuits that would've taken place after the movie. Despite the fact that Wonka had all of the kids in his factory sign a contract, there definitely would've been a legal case involved after a kid almost drowned in a chocolate river, right?
Luckily, I'm not the only one who speculates the legalities of fictional universes. Thanks to Reddit, we can have discussions like this without looking like a weirdo at every party you go to. Because trust me, most drunk people don't want to hear about your Golden Ticket conspiracy theories. Trust me.
U/Yuuhxyuuh asked:
What fictional character should have been hit with a huge lawsuit at the end of the story?
Why is it that most children’s movies come with some truly awful adult characters? They would’ve been the first to be slapped with a lawsuit.
I feel like this goes for most superheroes.
"The Power Rangers, they're a paramilitary group and are (almost) never officially sanctioned to operate by their relevant municipalities. They cause massive amounts of destruction from their fights and by not warning anyone about the enemies they battle."
The poor Baudelaires.
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"Pretty much every adult in A Series of Unfortunate Events."
"Given that the in universe legal system of ASOUE allows a man to marry his adopted 13-year-old daughter, coerced by a threat to her baby sister's life, under the guise of a fraudulent play, presided over by a judge unaware she is acting in an official capacity, and absolute none of this legally invalidates that marriage and the only thing that saved Violet was a loophole that a signature doesn't count if written with one's non-dominant hand, I don't have high hopes for the Baudelaires in civil court."
Do you feel it, Mr. Krabs?
"It's still running but, I can only imagine all the labor laws Mr. Krabs has broken."
I remember the episode where Patrick wanted to win an award Big Pink Loser and so he worked for Mr. Krabs with SpongeBob. The conversation was loosely:
Patrick- I can get my award working for Mr. Krabs
Spongebob- Yeah and at $50 dollars an hour. When I started working here, I had to pay Mr. Krabs $100 dollars an hour.
I always thought it meant Patrick was being paid that much until I realized what it really meant.
Hogwarts was a death trap.
"Vernon Dursley from Harry Potter. Child abuse, both verbally and possibly physically."
"Also, Hogwarts would have been sued I'm certain by multiple parents on multiple occasions if it were an option in the Wizarding world. That place is a security nightmare! (credit, mugglecast for fully convincing me that security nightmare is an accurate description)."
"Cerberus chilling in a closet, basilisk wandering the pipes, ferocious textbooks that can bite, dementors wandering around, very questionable teachers including a host to Voldemort, a death eater on polyjuice, a werewolf (despite that he was a good teacher), and a ministry official that used physical (permanently scarring) punishment on students. Totally acceptable place to send your kids every year, for sure."
Weird, the movies you loved without question as a kid kinda shift your perspective as you get older.
That deleted scene would’ve helped with context.
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"John Hammond from Jurassic Park. His legal team would spare no expense."
"From memory, there's a deleted scene from The Lost World: Jurassic Park where that happens. It's a boardroom discussion about payouts to the families of the workers who died and to the British family that accidentally stumbled upon Isla Sorna. Because of it, the board agrees to sack Hammond and make Ludlow head of Ingen with immediate effect. Ludlow then comes up with a plan to get their money back by opening up the park in San Diego using dinosaurs from Isla Sorna. Come to think of it removing that scene kind of removes a ton of context from the rest of the film."
Hell, I wanna sue this movie for messing me up.
"The dude who ran the Truman Show"
"Funny that movie was on tv and I just watched it again. Truman would have been able to sue for hundreds of millions. Then the money and fame would get to him. I think Truman would have had a mental breakdown after leaving. He would have been one of the most famous people ever. He wouldn't understand the hounding, everyone using him wanting him to do business with them."
"Everyone knowing every single intimate detail about you. Trying to come to terms it was all fake. He would be extremely paranoid his entire life and have a complete existential crisis"
Different rules for the John Hughes universe.
"Ferris Bueller."
"Everything that goes on with the car, hijacking a parade float, or trepassing throughout the neighborhood. Man the 80s we a different time."
It’s so wild what fictional characters get away with. It almost makes me mad, before I realize that they’re fictional and that I’ve had too much wine while bingeing these shows.
They should all be in jail.
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"The gang from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia should be bankrupt from lawsuits and/or in jail by now from all the stuff they've done."
"I'd say almost 1 in 3 episodes should land one of them in jail for a couple years. With at least 1 season landing all of them in jail."
I can’t watch The Office for this reason.
"Michael Scott."
"I like the episode where they hired an ex-con. He had been convicted of insider trading. Kevin later quietly confesses: 'I had him explain it to me three times. Because it sounds a lot like what I do here every day.'"
Doctors would never get away with what they do on this show.
"Every character in Grey's Anatomy."
"The amount of HIPAA violations on that show was extremely distressing I have often said I would never ever want to be a patient in that hospital."
As for Willy Wonka, I'm pretty sure the only reason why he wasn't sued was that he had to live with Grandpa Joe. And that, my friends, is a punishment worse than death
Let it be known--if you ever find yourself in a fictional universe, you can basically do whatever you want without consequences. Best of luck, and godspeed.
The old wives' tales.
They are the stories of legend.
I think we all need a big DEEP Google dive though.
Where did they originate?
WHO ARE THE OLD WIVES!
You don't hear about them as much anymore.
It's like science and logic are suddenly a thing.
But they sure are a good way to keep your kids and their behavior in line.
Redditor the_spring_goddess wanted to discuss the tall tales we've all been fed through life, so they asked:
"What is an old wives tale that people still believe?"
"Wait an hour to swim after eating."
What a crock!
So many summer hours wasted.
I want revenge for that one.
Say Nothing
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"An undercover cop has to tell you he's a cop if you ask him."
LonelyMail5115
"Pretty much most advice when it comes to cops are old wives tales. I’m not even a cop but most of the advice you hear is pretty off."
I_AM_AN_A**HOLE_AMA
Say Something
"That you have to wait 24 hours to report someone missing."
Severe_Airport1426
"I really think this one is important and should be the top regardless. As it’s a piece of advice that needs to be relearned and the only way to do that is through awareness."
crappycurtains
"This used to be true. I think they changed it after some guy named Brandon went missing back in the '80s or '70s. You used to have to wait 24 hours if the missing person was an adult because they had 'a right to be missing' and then everyone realized that was stupid and stopped doing it."
AlbinoShavedGorilla
Body Temps
"That drinking ice cold water after eating oily foods will solidify the oil and permanently remain in your body. I informed my coworker that if your body temperature ever reached that point, you’d have bigger problems than weight gain."
chriseo22
"Oh, I have a cousin who 100% believed this. One of those guys who believed every early 2000s internet rumor and old wives tale. One night I chugged a big glass of ice water after dinner and he started freaking out and saying my guts were gonna harden."
"I sarcastically told him to drive me to the hospital if that happened. Obviously, nothing happened and the next morning I said something like 'Thanks for being on standby in case my guts filled with hardened oil.' He just walked off muttering under his breath."
apocalypticradish
Arms Down
"When I was pregnant, I was told by young and old alike that I should NOT raise my arms above my head or exert myself in such a manner because it could cause cord strangulation to my unborn sons and daughters."
Fatmouse84
10 Years Actually
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"Chewing gum stays in your stomach for 7 years."
"I remember accidentally swallowing a piece of gum when I was a kid in like 1995 and just accepting my fate like welp, gonna have this in my stomach til high school I guess."
Gecko-911
I was so afraid to sallow my gum when I was young.
This tale is haunting.
High/Low
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"You can tell the sex of the baby by how you carry."
LeastFormal9366
"Pregnancy certainly wins awards for the most old wives tales. So much absolute BS was repeated to us by everyone we talked to."
IllIIIlIllIlIIlIllI
The Cursed
"If you’re a woman and you wear opal jewelry but opal is not your birthstone (October), you’ll never be able to have children, or will be widowed, or just generally have bad luck or something. You can counteract this by having a diamond in the same piece of jewelry as the opal, though."
"I have a nice opal ring that my parents gave me years ago, and I’ve had other women give me this 'advice' unprompted more than once when I’ve worn it. I have absolutely no idea where it started, but I’m pretty sure this little chunk of silicate rock has no concept of what month I was born in, let alone of how my reproductive organs work."
SmoreOfBabylon
Stay In
"Going outside with wet hair will make you get pneumonia. Or an earache. Or maybe arthritis. Depends on which old wife you listen to."
"Jokes on them - I haven't blow-dried my hair in decades and usually leave the house with wet hair in the morning. On winter mornings, the tips of my hair get frozen. No ear infections or pneumonia or arthritis yet."
worldbound0514
Dreams and Facts
"You never make anyone up in your dreams you've seen everyone in your dreams somewhere else before and never make anyone up entirely."
"How would you possibly prove that to be true? My partner adamantly believes this and tells me this 'fact' whenever I have a dream about someone I've never met before."
mattshonestreddit
"My late wife used to tell me that before she met me she would have dreams of standing at an alter on her wedding day but could never see the guy's face, no matter how hard she tried. After meeting me the face was filled in with mine. Don't know if it's true but one of those things I like thinking of every now and then when I miss her."
Darthdemented
Cracked
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"Some people still believe cracking knuckles causes arthritis."
Choice-Grapefruit-44
"There's a doctor (Donald Unger) that cracked his knuckles a couple of times a day for 60 years, but only on one hand, just to prove it. Both hands remained exactly the same."
MacyTmcterry
I love my knuckles.
Do you have any tall tales to add to the list? Let us know in the comments below.
