The final girl runs through the woods to escape the killer who somehow manages to keep up with her despite limiting himself to a casual stroll, machete in hand. When she makes her way back to the clearing and sees her car, its chrome glinting brilliantly in the moonlight, she dives behind the steering wheel, fetches her spare keys from up top, and pops the right one into the ignition only for the engine to refuse to turn over. The car won't start, and the killer is somewhere out there.
Sounds familiar? Of course it does. Let's end this, shall we?
(1/20)
Every driving scene that involves talking always has the driver maintaining eye contact with the passenger for more than 10 seconds at a time. Like who does this in real life? It's incredibly dangerous. When I'm talking while driving I ALWAYS keep my eyes on the road. Looking away for a mere 3 seconds at high speed is enough to crash into something.
(2/20)
Computers aren't magical devices. Hacking into them isn't mashing on the keyboard for a few seconds. And even if you do if you do manage to hack in, you don't magically become god.
That being said, I love it when movies use nmap (it's a real tool and is incredibly useful even to non-hackers).
(3/20)
Besides high school students always looking like they are in their 20s, they always have amazing hair. Even the background extras have beautiful well done hair. I have been to high schools, it's all buns, frizz, shag and absence of any product use except for a few and goes for some teachers, too. Also, where are the kids with mild acne and wrinkled clothes?
(4/20)
Movies have a lot of sins regarding guns:
- infinite ammo: an assault rifle (M4/M16) on full auto with a standard mag will empty in about 3 sec, yet movies shows them firing continuously for minutes
- tables are not bullet proof
- car doors are not bullet proof - at all. No special bullets needed, anything will go right through.
- it is a lot harder to hit your target with a handgun than movies portray
- silencers are not magic: in reality, a silencer lowers the sound of a gun shot from about 165db to around 130db - the level of a jackhammer.
- shooting the vast majority of things will not cause them to explode. Pretty much the only thing that will explode when shot is tannerite.
(5/20)
Giphy
BIG ROMANTIC CONFESSIONS OF LOVE-
"Judy, I love the way you eat your painkillers and Pringles together. I love how you wipe your nose on the sleeve of your shirt and offer it to the dog to lick. And I know we've only known each other for a month where I stalked you, stabbed you, and almost killed your 'supposedly' evil boyfriend, but I'm in love with you. Irrevocably! I know, you are, too! Don't deny yourself of this wonderful, wonderful feeling called 'love,' because honey, I love you even when you wear your panties inside out and go to work like its no big deal. Err... What I'm trying to say is that I'm the ONE. I'm the one who'll enjoy watching you turn scarlet in front of this crowd as I make a big, romantic gesture."
(6/20)
I may be the only one, but I am not a fan of audio in movies and their dynamic range; talking scenes are quiet while scenes with more action are way too loud. I find myself turning up my TV to hear dialogue then turning it back down so my neighbors don't complain... it's like an audio roller coaster. Ie Mad Max Fury Road.
(7/20)
Treating the audience like we're idiots. We don't need every little details explained to us through asinine dialogue that people would never say in real life or, worse, excessive narration. Let the story speak for itself through good pacing, world-building and implied details.
(8/20)
It's not a narrative trope but dogs**t camera work with a thousand cuts to make it feel more "epic."
In ye olden times, martial arts movies had a lot of quick cuts to convey speed- but these were films that lived and died on the beauty of their choreography. More and more Hollywood actions movies emulate that trope, turning action scenes into unwatchable garbage where the camera cuts to a different angle so many times in rapid succession that your brain can't process what you're even seeing!
Arguably the nadir of the trend (so far) has been this infamous clip from Taken 3: featuring 15 cuts in six seconds- for a guy jumping a fence!
Yes, the quick cuts communicate speed, but you know what also communicates speed? People moving quickly.
(9/20)
Hi, I'm a woman in the 1500s with perfectly curled hair, eyeliner and no body hair.
Hi, I'm a woman fighting in the zombie apocalypse but my pony tail stays perfect and I have no armpit hair despite not showering for months.
I could go on and on.
(10/20)
Giphy
Scenes where characters go to a crowded dance club to have a conversation about their crime business, but are somehow able to hear each other without shouting and asking to repeat each other.
"WHAT?!" (ooonz oonz ooonz)
"I SAID the DRUGS are coming (oonz oonz) in TOMORROW AT THE (oonz oonz) DOCKS"
"Of course I'm bringing my Glock! But (oonz oonz) where do I meet you to pick up the drugs?!?!?!!"
"AT THE DOCKS!!!!"
"Ok, I'll see you at 3 o'clock!!!!"
(11/20)
Final fight, bad guy vs good guy. The first 70% of the fight the good guy is going to get his a** handed to him. He's gonna be slow, stand around waiting for the punch to hit him and generally just be a way worse fighter than he was throughout the whole movie so far.
Then suddenly he gets magical strength from somewhere and f**ks up the bad guy.
I so loved Taken when the final mastermind guy just got point blank taken out before he could even finish his first sentence.
(12/20)
Epic battle ensues. Male and female leads re-unite briefly in the middle of the melee.
"We have to put a stop to this! And fast!"
"I know! Too many people are dying! Time is of the essence!"
Turn to leave. One of them reaches to stop the protagonist momentarily to plant a big long kiss on them while people CONTINUE TO DIE ALL AROUND THEM AND ONLY THEY CAN STOP IT!
(13/20)
Whenever a family eats breakfast, there is a MASSIVE, unrealistic spread.
I'm talking like fruit salad for days, stacks upon stacks of delicious pancakes. sausage and bacon, etc...then some emo-nerd will pop down the stairs for 2 seconds, drop some dumbass line like, 'I'm late, gotta run!' and grab a lame ass piece of unbuttered toast.
(14/20)
Investigator: "Can you clear up that image of the finger print from the steering wheel of that car? Enhance."
Computer Tech: zooms in
Investigator: "ENHANCE"
Computer Tech: zooms in
Investigator: "ENHANCE"
Computer Tech: zooms in
clear image with no loss of resolution appears on the giant screen
Investigator: "Great. Let's run that through AFIS"
bleepbloopbleep 2 seconds later
Computer Tech: "We've got a hit."
(15/20)
Giphy
Need blood for some ritual or pact? Let's just slice down our palms, which is an extremely annoying place to have a wound because it means you can barely use your hand anymore without pain. Oh wait, let's just forget that and let them have full use of their hand in the next fight scene.
Seriously, there are so many better places to get blood if they really need it that makes much more sense than that.
(16/20)
When the movie is literally too dark to see anything. I get they want to create a certain ambience, but when I'm finding it hard to find the character in the scene it's a bit much.
"I prefer marvel films, because DC films are too dark."
"Oh, too edgy for you?"
"No. I literally can't see what the f**k is going on"
(17/20)
I hate the age differences between the male and female love interests in some movies. One movie I recently saw had a male actor who was in his 50s, his wife 20s and they had a teenage daughter together (how does that happen...). Another had the female lead around the same age as the male, but kept saying she was too old for him and making a big deal of the (nonexistent) age difference.
Also having make up on the actors in an apocalypse/in mornings/etc. I actually really like when movies show the people in a more natural and normal way, it takes away the realism for me otherwise.
(18/20)
Portraying snow, ice and cold in general extremely inaccurately. It's very common even in the high budget productions, and it drives me absolutely mad! Some common stereotypes are:
- ice breaks in unnatural ways, usually ends up with the bad guys being sweeped under
- all ice is white, even on lakes and when there's no snow or frost anywhere else
- all characters can either immediately walk on ice/skate/ski like they have done that all their lives or are incredibly clumsy, yet nobody slips unless it's an important plot point (like falling in the arms of someone)
- being in a very cold enviroment doesn't affect anyone, characters faces gain zero reddish hue and sometimes even them breathing doesn't make mist, there's no wind or the wind doesn't affect anyone
- running around without a hat or gloves in general when it's supposed to be very cold
- all snow is the kind that requires minus degrees in celcius, no sleet or snow melting or mixing with dirt exists
- the snow doesn't reflect any light or sparkle the slightest, all nights are completely dark even if there's snow everywhere
etc. etc.
There are so many commonly used tropes that I'm convinced nobody in the production industry has actually seen any real snow or lived in northern parts of the world. It's 2019 already - the special effects have evolved so much it shouldn't be that hard to stay away from many inaccuracies! Every damn production needs a snow and ice supervisor.
(19/20)
"I have to tell you something impor....."
"Shut up! I don't have time to listen to you". And then this person runs off.
"But I was going to tell you that I didn't cheat on you with your sister. It was all an innocent misunderstanding that I'm positive will make you smile. I also wanted to tell you that the bomb is hidden inside the teddy bear and the killer is actually Joe's mom. Not Joe. And I could have easily explained all of this in less than 1 minute if we were in the real world where people actually talk to each other like adults instead of acting like some basement dwelling virgin writer whose entire outlook has been shaped by the works of other basement dwelling virgin writers thinks adults act like."
(20/20)
Giphy
When movies depict huge cities, even the downtown areas, as being practically deserted after dark. Like, no one at all other than the protagonists. Ever been in Manhattan at 3 a.m.? That place ain't dark or quiet.
It annoyed me in Fight Club, with the demolition of the skyscrapers at the end. It made it look like the entire city was asleep when the bombs went off, when, realistically, there just had to have been collateral damage, even if they had evacuated the buildings. Unless they somehow managed to shut down several entire blocks of the city, there would've been taxis driving or parked nearby, newspapers getting delivered, drunks and homeless people wandering around, stores and restaurants being stocked for the next day...
Of course, most of the time, it was “just a phase". And looking back, those phases are regrettable, to say the least. Here are some prime examples of that.
SirGergoyFriendman asked:
What was your biggest/most regrettable "It's not a phase, mom. It's my life." that, in fact, turned out to be just a phase and not your life?
The enthusiasm of a young person can lead to some unexpected changes that parents are just not ready for.
Hi, Wheeljack!
I was VERY into The Transformers when I was a wee lad in the 1980s. One day, I decided to change my name to the name of my favorite Autobot. My name was lame, and I wanted an awesome Transformer name. And I was VERY insistent that my parents only call me by my new name. Calling me by my 'old' name would cause a big fat tantrum on my part.
So for the better part of a week, my poor parents had to call me Wheeljack.
Very 2008.
Ariana Grande Shrug GIFGiphyMy cat-ear phase. I wore cat ears every single day. Everywhere. I had like 20 pairs of them. Now everyone thinks I'm a furry.
I find that very cute and wouldn't have thought you'd be furry. Even if you'd had cat mittens. I think my suspicions would have started if you moved a bit like a cat, displayed catlike grooming habits or got a cat mask.
Not gonna lie, that car sounds cool.
I went to a car show once as a teen, and the only newer car there was some chick's PT cruiser. It was hot glittery pink, and at the time I was obsessed. I insisted that one day I would have a hot pink car, with pink seats, pink dash, pink carpets, etc. I was pretty heavily goth at the time, so my parents just rolled their eyes.
These phases can often lead to some very strange fashion choices.
That’s commitment.
When I was a teenager (early 00s), I was waiting for my mother to pick me up and was wearing one of those sh!tty sports wristwatches. It was itching me so I took it off for a second, but then she arrived and because I was struggling to get it back on my wrist, I looped it around the equally sh!tty chain I had around my neck in a rush to get out the door.
My mom asked me about it in the car, and I told her this was my new style and I planned to wear it like that every day. She rolled her eyes.
I wore that watch on a chain around my neck every single day for 3 years or so. There are even professional family photos where I'm wearing it because I refused to take it off.
One day, the chain broke and I lost the watch. I was in high school at that point anyway and it was a major lady repellent, so... phase over.
Not everyone can be Eminem.
slim shady eminem GIFGiphyBaggy pants, being a rapper someday and being a professional skater.
When I was about 14 and Eminem was starting to blow up I bought myself a keyboard with a synthesizer. It cost like $200 which was all the money I had saved up. It finally came (this was way before amazon prime and such) and I tried rapping.
My sister told me "you're effing horrible" and I gave up right then and there.
This should be a sin.
I used to button the top buttons of polo shirts.
I must say, this is probably the worst one I've read.
Looking back at our regrettable choices, all we can do is cringe.
An optimistic look at bad tattoos.
check me out season 3 GIF by PortlandiaGiphyBeing a tattooer. Regrettable because of those poor people who have my awful doodles on their bodies.
Take heart! My favorite tattoo is the one I drunkenly got my buddy to do in his living room one year during March Madness! It's dumb and frankly mediocre? But such a good story and has such good associations I smile every time I see it.
RIP Fredro’s.
My friend and I decided we were going to open a bar in Jamaica with exotic snakes in glass cages in the walls at each booth. We convinced ourselves it would be amazing for at least two years in college. It was going to be called Fredro's.
My entire family made fun of me for it. Once we got out of college, we realized it was not feasible and joined the office grind. We're also two white guys with no ties to Jamaica.
Talk about cringey.
I wore a top hat with an anime pin on it for around a year. Met one of my current best friends while wearing it, idk how he could bear to speak to me after that.
My weirdest phase was probably when I insisted on wearing knee-high rainbow socks to school every day. But honestly, I don't regret it. I rocked those socks, and I wish I still have a pair.
To all the people out there cringing over their past selves, remember that you were just a kid, and to be easy on yourselves. After all, we've all been there
Yet, too often, manufacturers who oversell their products fail to deliver what is promised and are inevitably left with angry customers who want their money back.
Whether the merchandise was defective or ridiculously overpriced, strangers online shared some of their worst purchases when Redditor BooksMcGee asked:
"What is the worst product you ever paid money for?"
Short Life Span
"This NERF gun that's supposed to shoot tennis balls for your dog. I bought it cause I thought you could load 3 at a time and shoot them far, but it's just one and it's super loud and the gun broke after like 4 shots (reading reviews later, this was a common issue)."
Lame Pets
"There were these toys called squiggles when I was a kid and the commercials made it seem like the toy was alive. It looked like you would get this crazy little fuzzy worms as pets that would follow you around an so sick tricks and listen to your every command. It was really just a piece of fluffy string tied to another piece of string with googly eyes on it. People may say that it was supposed to be a magic trick but they should also explain that to a 5 year old who really wanted a pet."
Card Value
"Not their fault, but I paid $70 for a Yugioh card hours before it was limited to one copy. Probably dropped to $20 by the end of the day."
These purchases were bad for your bum.
"A bicycle that literally fell apart before I made it out of the parking lot."
Not Worth Sitting On
"Joybird brand couch. Was so terrible, we returned it. Still hard to believe, we returned a freaking couch."
Going Nowhere Fast
"A 2000 VW Beetle (used)."
"Biggest piece of sh*t that literally had to have just about everything replaced before 100k miles and would still break down every time you left the driveway to the point where the tow-truck driver knew us on a first-name basis."
Expensive Lemon
"An Oldsmobile Achieva from one of those buy here pay here places. I should have known better, but I was young and thought I was getting a good deal. I had the thing for about 5 months, I drove it for maybe 3 weeks. The rest of the time it was either in the shop, or in my driveway waiting until pay day so I could afford to fix whatever broke on it this week. Eventually told the dealer just take it, I'm not paying for it any more. He said nope, and I will make sure your credit is ruined. I said well you sold me a lemon, do you really want to go this route? He came and took it. Never reported anything to credit. I heard he got sued by several other people who sold sh**ty cars too and eventually went out of business."
"Always amazes me when I see them driving around still, I can only assume there's enthusiasts who just love repairing horribly designed cars."
– zerbey
These Redditors were not convinced what they ingested was edible.
Bad Cereal
"A box of plain Cheerios. Thought they were honey nut, poured a bowl, was very disappointed."
"If I wanted to taste cardboard, I'd just eat the box."
– gor8884
Space Pizza
"A burnt frozen pizza at the air and space museum cafe in DC. I Don't wish that experience on anyone. There are some amazing restaurants in DC, don't settle."
– Alseids
The following electronics just gave off a bad charge.
"Asus Transformer Pad TF700"
"This was one of those early 'high end' Android tablets that was grossly underpowered, and it showed. Thing was slow as sh!t in no time flat. Rookie mistake investing into shiny new tech while they were still working all the bugs out. Think I paid somewhere in the neighborhood of $350-400 for it..."
– Luke5119
Bad Apple
"macbook pro 2018 13" touchbar. 2 years old and dead (battery). they're asking $300-$400 to change the battery. malfunctioning keyboard with double presses and missing presses. that's a lot of money for bad design."
Chilly Reception
"Past winter my old room heater broke down and I had to buy a new one. Went to a store nearby and somehow got convinced to buy a very costly heating device.. It's also my fault, since there were some sligthly cheaper options around, but nope. I wanted the expensive one thinking it will make my small room a volcano with little to no effort/cost (that's also what the seller told me). Long story short the device wasn't doing ANYTHING. No significant temperature changes, too much space, a weird noise, and was doubling my previous device in utility cost. I still gloom over those 80 euros.."
Some of my disappointing purchases was clothing, but only because I purchased them online. Unless they are a brand I'm familiar with, I'm usually fine with buying new jeans off of their websites.
But when it comes to graphic tees only available on specialty shops, an M-size shirt is not necessarily the same size as those found in other reputable stores.
I bought a medium sized T-shirt from a boutique store online because I loved the look of the design. But when it arrived, the supposed medium fit me like an XL.
At least I gained a fierce cleaning rag from this impulsive purchase.