The final girl runs through the woods to escape the killer who somehow manages to keep up with her despite limiting himself to a casual stroll, machete in hand. When she makes her way back to the clearing and sees her car, its chrome glinting brilliantly in the moonlight, she dives behind the steering wheel, fetches her spare keys from up top, and pops the right one into the ignition only for the engine to refuse to turn over. The car won't start, and the killer is somewhere out there.
Sounds familiar? Of course it does. Let's end this, shall we?
(1/20)
Every driving scene that involves talking always has the driver maintaining eye contact with the passenger for more than 10 seconds at a time. Like who does this in real life? It's incredibly dangerous. When I'm talking while driving I ALWAYS keep my eyes on the road. Looking away for a mere 3 seconds at high speed is enough to crash into something.
(2/20)
Computers aren't magical devices. Hacking into them isn't mashing on the keyboard for a few seconds. And even if you do if you do manage to hack in, you don't magically become god.
That being said, I love it when movies use nmap (it's a real tool and is incredibly useful even to non-hackers).
(3/20)
Besides high school students always looking like they are in their 20s, they always have amazing hair. Even the background extras have beautiful well done hair. I have been to high schools, it's all buns, frizz, shag and absence of any product use except for a few and goes for some teachers, too. Also, where are the kids with mild acne and wrinkled clothes?
(4/20)
Movies have a lot of sins regarding guns:
- infinite ammo: an assault rifle (M4/M16) on full auto with a standard mag will empty in about 3 sec, yet movies shows them firing continuously for minutes
- tables are not bullet proof
- car doors are not bullet proof - at all. No special bullets needed, anything will go right through.
- it is a lot harder to hit your target with a handgun than movies portray
- silencers are not magic: in reality, a silencer lowers the sound of a gun shot from about 165db to around 130db - the level of a jackhammer.
- shooting the vast majority of things will not cause them to explode. Pretty much the only thing that will explode when shot is tannerite.
(5/20)
Giphy
BIG ROMANTIC CONFESSIONS OF LOVE-
"Judy, I love the way you eat your painkillers and Pringles together. I love how you wipe your nose on the sleeve of your shirt and offer it to the dog to lick. And I know we've only known each other for a month where I stalked you, stabbed you, and almost killed your 'supposedly' evil boyfriend, but I'm in love with you. Irrevocably! I know, you are, too! Don't deny yourself of this wonderful, wonderful feeling called 'love,' because honey, I love you even when you wear your panties inside out and go to work like its no big deal. Err... What I'm trying to say is that I'm the ONE. I'm the one who'll enjoy watching you turn scarlet in front of this crowd as I make a big, romantic gesture."
(6/20)
I may be the only one, but I am not a fan of audio in movies and their dynamic range; talking scenes are quiet while scenes with more action are way too loud. I find myself turning up my TV to hear dialogue then turning it back down so my neighbors don't complain... it's like an audio roller coaster. Ie Mad Max Fury Road.
(7/20)
Treating the audience like we're idiots. We don't need every little details explained to us through asinine dialogue that people would never say in real life or, worse, excessive narration. Let the story speak for itself through good pacing, world-building and implied details.
(8/20)
It's not a narrative trope but dogs**t camera work with a thousand cuts to make it feel more "epic."
In ye olden times, martial arts movies had a lot of quick cuts to convey speed- but these were films that lived and died on the beauty of their choreography. More and more Hollywood actions movies emulate that trope, turning action scenes into unwatchable garbage where the camera cuts to a different angle so many times in rapid succession that your brain can't process what you're even seeing!
Arguably the nadir of the trend (so far) has been this infamous clip from Taken 3: featuring 15 cuts in six seconds- for a guy jumping a fence!
Yes, the quick cuts communicate speed, but you know what also communicates speed? People moving quickly.
(9/20)
Hi, I'm a woman in the 1500s with perfectly curled hair, eyeliner and no body hair.
Hi, I'm a woman fighting in the zombie apocalypse but my pony tail stays perfect and I have no armpit hair despite not showering for months.
I could go on and on.
(10/20)
Giphy
Scenes where characters go to a crowded dance club to have a conversation about their crime business, but are somehow able to hear each other without shouting and asking to repeat each other.
"WHAT?!" (ooonz oonz ooonz)
"I SAID the DRUGS are coming (oonz oonz) in TOMORROW AT THE (oonz oonz) DOCKS"
"Of course I'm bringing my Glock! But (oonz oonz) where do I meet you to pick up the drugs?!?!?!!"
"AT THE DOCKS!!!!"
"Ok, I'll see you at 3 o'clock!!!!"
(11/20)
Final fight, bad guy vs good guy. The first 70% of the fight the good guy is going to get his a** handed to him. He's gonna be slow, stand around waiting for the punch to hit him and generally just be a way worse fighter than he was throughout the whole movie so far.
Then suddenly he gets magical strength from somewhere and f**ks up the bad guy.
I so loved Taken when the final mastermind guy just got point blank taken out before he could even finish his first sentence.
(12/20)
Epic battle ensues. Male and female leads re-unite briefly in the middle of the melee.
"We have to put a stop to this! And fast!"
"I know! Too many people are dying! Time is of the essence!"
Turn to leave. One of them reaches to stop the protagonist momentarily to plant a big long kiss on them while people CONTINUE TO DIE ALL AROUND THEM AND ONLY THEY CAN STOP IT!
(13/20)
Whenever a family eats breakfast, there is a MASSIVE, unrealistic spread.
I'm talking like fruit salad for days, stacks upon stacks of delicious pancakes. sausage and bacon, etc...then some emo-nerd will pop down the stairs for 2 seconds, drop some dumbass line like, 'I'm late, gotta run!' and grab a lame ass piece of unbuttered toast.
(14/20)
Investigator: "Can you clear up that image of the finger print from the steering wheel of that car? Enhance."
Computer Tech: zooms in
Investigator: "ENHANCE"
Computer Tech: zooms in
Investigator: "ENHANCE"
Computer Tech: zooms in
clear image with no loss of resolution appears on the giant screen
Investigator: "Great. Let's run that through AFIS"
bleepbloopbleep 2 seconds later
Computer Tech: "We've got a hit."
(15/20)
Giphy
Need blood for some ritual or pact? Let's just slice down our palms, which is an extremely annoying place to have a wound because it means you can barely use your hand anymore without pain. Oh wait, let's just forget that and let them have full use of their hand in the next fight scene.
Seriously, there are so many better places to get blood if they really need it that makes much more sense than that.
(16/20)
When the movie is literally too dark to see anything. I get they want to create a certain ambience, but when I'm finding it hard to find the character in the scene it's a bit much.
"I prefer marvel films, because DC films are too dark."
"Oh, too edgy for you?"
"No. I literally can't see what the f**k is going on"
(17/20)
I hate the age differences between the male and female love interests in some movies. One movie I recently saw had a male actor who was in his 50s, his wife 20s and they had a teenage daughter together (how does that happen...). Another had the female lead around the same age as the male, but kept saying she was too old for him and making a big deal of the (nonexistent) age difference.
Also having make up on the actors in an apocalypse/in mornings/etc. I actually really like when movies show the people in a more natural and normal way, it takes away the realism for me otherwise.
(18/20)
Portraying snow, ice and cold in general extremely inaccurately. It's very common even in the high budget productions, and it drives me absolutely mad! Some common stereotypes are:
- ice breaks in unnatural ways, usually ends up with the bad guys being sweeped under
- all ice is white, even on lakes and when there's no snow or frost anywhere else
- all characters can either immediately walk on ice/skate/ski like they have done that all their lives or are incredibly clumsy, yet nobody slips unless it's an important plot point (like falling in the arms of someone)
- being in a very cold enviroment doesn't affect anyone, characters faces gain zero reddish hue and sometimes even them breathing doesn't make mist, there's no wind or the wind doesn't affect anyone
- running around without a hat or gloves in general when it's supposed to be very cold
- all snow is the kind that requires minus degrees in celcius, no sleet or snow melting or mixing with dirt exists
- the snow doesn't reflect any light or sparkle the slightest, all nights are completely dark even if there's snow everywhere
etc. etc.
There are so many commonly used tropes that I'm convinced nobody in the production industry has actually seen any real snow or lived in northern parts of the world. It's 2019 already - the special effects have evolved so much it shouldn't be that hard to stay away from many inaccuracies! Every damn production needs a snow and ice supervisor.
(19/20)
"I have to tell you something impor....."
"Shut up! I don't have time to listen to you". And then this person runs off.
"But I was going to tell you that I didn't cheat on you with your sister. It was all an innocent misunderstanding that I'm positive will make you smile. I also wanted to tell you that the bomb is hidden inside the teddy bear and the killer is actually Joe's mom. Not Joe. And I could have easily explained all of this in less than 1 minute if we were in the real world where people actually talk to each other like adults instead of acting like some basement dwelling virgin writer whose entire outlook has been shaped by the works of other basement dwelling virgin writers thinks adults act like."
(20/20)
Giphy
When movies depict huge cities, even the downtown areas, as being practically deserted after dark. Like, no one at all other than the protagonists. Ever been in Manhattan at 3 a.m.? That place ain't dark or quiet.
It annoyed me in Fight Club, with the demolition of the skyscrapers at the end. It made it look like the entire city was asleep when the bombs went off, when, realistically, there just had to have been collateral damage, even if they had evacuated the buildings. Unless they somehow managed to shut down several entire blocks of the city, there would've been taxis driving or parked nearby, newspapers getting delivered, drunks and homeless people wandering around, stores and restaurants being stocked for the next day...
