People Share Their Worst 'What The F*** Am I Doing With My Life?' Moment
Life is one of those things that happens whether you want it to or not, which means most of us have at least one moment where we suddenly realize we ended up someplace we never intended.
One Reddit user asked:
What was your worst "what the f**k am I doing with my life" moment?
Oh, you thought you were alone in that? Nope. Not even close.
A lot of the responses ahead mention substance abuse, physical abuse, career dissatisfaction, and some gore. Read ahead with caution.
At Home Alone
Happy Hour Reaction GIF GiphyWhen I got drunk at home, alone, and started vomiting in the bathroom, my vomit red from the wine I drank.
I thought for a second that I am throwing up blood. Spend the next two hours in the bathroom, violently crying.
That was the moment I decided to get therapy. Had a pretty rough time back then.
In therapy now and slowly getting better.
I've been sober for two years and completely forgot that I used to do this too. Jesus Christ. 🤦🏻♀️
Glad to hear you're working on your mental health/ self care. 😊
Higher Education
Working in fast food after graduating college with a 4.0 GPA.
I graduated into the 2008 crash, broadcasting. The iphone also hit around that time which helped speed up the irrelevance and death of radio.
It sucks, but I made a bad bet. Not everyone gets to win.
After I got my degree, the market was so bad that I send 400 résumés and only go 2 calls back.
One was a scam and the other was calling just to wish me good luck (that was kind of nice). I had to work in a clothing store for a while at $6.90 an hour.
I know that feeling man.
After getting fired from a sales job that I took straight out of college (because it was the first thing that was offered to me and I leapt at the thought of a "real job") I found myself working at a coffee shop and living with my parents three years out from graduating college with nearly a 4.0 GPA.
It sucked and old classmates from high school would sometimes come in and I couldn't help but feel embarrassed.
Several years later I'm in a good job that matches my degree and I'm doing well for myself, but it took a little while to get there. And that's ok.
In retrospect though I shouldn't have felt any shame at working at a coffee shop. A job is a job and the idea that I was somehow above it was stupid. But I get what you're saying about just feeling like you went to college for no reason.
Not Crack
When I smoked a piece of floor crumb thinking (hoping) it was a piece of drugs I dropped. No idea what it was, but it was most definitely not drugs.
I was a f*ck up for about 6 years and it took me almost twice that to fix things.
Drugs are bad man. I mean, they are really goddamn amazing, but what they do to you is terrible.
Savior Complex
When I was young, I was crazy in love with a man who told me he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and then shot himself five days later. It turned my world upside down and gave me a crazy savior complex.
A few years later, I was in a new relationship. He was a full blown alcoholic, unemployed combat veteran with horrendous PTSD, serious mommy issues and other stuff, and I just knew I could save him. I paid all our bills, worked three jobs to keep up with everything, slept about 3 hours a night because I was regularly jostled awake by his night terrors, did all of the housework and emotional labor in the relationship.
I came home from a 14 hour day to find him shaking on the couch next to a trash can full of vomit. Turns out he'd been going through withdrawals all day because he hadn't gotten his morning bottle quick enough. The next round of vomit was bloody, so my little 140 lbs self hailed his 220 lbs ass out to my car and rushed him into the ER. All his vitals were terrible and a nurse pulled me aside when I went to the bathroom to let me know that they didn't think he was gonna make it. They sent him to another bigger hospital to get treated, he asked me to get a few things from the apartment including his phone and meet them there.
When I picked up his phone, he had a whole bunch of messages from his "Auntie" which I opened, thinking I'd update her that he was not doing well and in the hospital.
"Auntie" ended up being his coworker (he was 29). There were flirty messages, dirty messages and pictures.
He survived, but my love for him and respect for myself sure didn't. I didn't leave that night sadly, but did eventually.
I'm Still Not The Same
I was really bad into drugs for a while when I was a teenager. One night while at a camping event, I mixed way too many things.
I couldn't move, think, or speak, and my brain felt like it was literally being rewired. If you can imagine a closed circuit with electricity popping off of it in every direction, that's what my brain felt like. All I could do was lay there while a bunch of rebel flag flying rednecks tried to run our tents over.
I had a panic attack for 10 hours. I finally was able to move enough to lift the blanket and sit up... when I looked down, my legs were covered in blood. Apparently I'd gotten my leg sliced open at some point.
My boyfriend at the time had to carry me to the truck and into the house once we got there. He had to undress me, bathe me, dry me off, and put me in the bed. Here I am 8 years later, and I'm still not the same.
My personality, ability to quickly solve problems on the fly, my memory, etc... everything changed. There was a significant lag in my ability to retain information for a few years. I'm sure I killed a lot of my brain cells that night just being stupid.
I had 0 regard for my life or any of the consequences that I could have potentially had to deal with afterward. I just didn't care.
I never really had issues with anxiety before then. It was out of control for a long time after, and I would often find myself curled up in the fetal position on the floor almost feeling completely paralyzed.
Just Waiting
Meme Reaction GIF by Silicon Valley GiphyNow really. I'm a mechanic for a firm that handles dangerous chemicals.
The job is fine but I want to do more with my life. I want to see the world and see more interesting things. I get to work at 6 work till 3. Wash and repeat.
I want to see the northern lights. I want to go to the Algarves. I want to sit on a beach with a coffee in my hand after just waking up and seeing my kids play in the sand. Instead I'm paying a house off, making sure the kids fit in our school system by giving him Ritalin and just wasting away and waiting for a diagnosis that's terminal.
It's like being locked in a cage. We bought a caravan and have a car that can pull it were ready to go but you're stuck at home because this pandemic won't let you do anything. We're not allowed to drive anywhere or over night anywhere at the min and it's like being in a cage.
I see loads of mates getting cancer or what ever some have died and I feel like I'm doing them disservice not living my life to the full, and that they'd loved to have been able to carry on living. Depressing but hey.
Ugly Devotion
Realizing I was the toxic one.
It's far too easy to fall into the grasp of obsession and hatred. I fumed at the mention of other people being abusive to others... and remained ignorant that I was exactly the same. I'm better now, I think. I hope.
Devotion can be beautiful, but can just as easily be an ugly, pitiful thing.
HEROES
I was living in Alabama in 2006, desperately trying to clean a mess my autistic 3-year-old had made on the kitchen floor before my abusive ex-husband got home from work. My ex had basically kept me from pursuing a career or furthering my education, and was isolating me from any friends that weren't his.
It was the middle of summer, and I felt gross and sweaty and hated being on my hands and knees scrubbing the kitchen floor.
My daughter was an excellent reader, although she only ever spoke things that she read. She brought over a TV guide from the living room which had a full two-page spread advertising the show HEROES before its pilot premiered.
"Some people are meant for something more," she read. "Are YOU meant for something more?"
My ex tried to kill me 2 years after this story. I fled Alabama with my kid and spent a lot of time in poverty.
But I taught myself the skills to enter an amazing industry, I remarried an incredible person who does most of the cleaning, and my autistic daughter just got accepted to Oxford.
My ex hasn't tried to see or communicate with (or support) his kid since she was 6 years old, but it's a small price to pay to never have to think about him.
A Different Field Of Employment
I am a registered EMT. The worst day of my life was a call I took when I was the lead EMT on the scene ie. I was in charge of telling the other EMTs what to do and all around was in control of the incident.
It was in a small public women's bathroom. I walked in and was immediately greeted by a woman screaming in a bathroom stall. I walked to the stall door and opened it. I froze.
There was a woman sitting on the floor covered in blood with an umbilical cord hanging out of her attached to an unresponsive newborn laying face down in the toilet.
The woman's screaming continued and I just stood there frozen the color drained completely from my face. I did absolutely nothing and was being to get tunnel vision when a more experienced EMT that was with me realize what was happening.
He pushed me out of the way and began shouting orders to the other EMTs.
The woman then went unresponsive due to blood loss and the absence of her screams helped me snap back to life and fulfill my duties. The baby did not make it however the woman did.
Here's the twist. All of this took place during my practical evaluations for my EMT classes. The entire situation was fake, the woman was an actor, the blood and gore was all done by professional makeup artists and I knew all of this when I entered the scene.
Still with all that I completely froze and couldn't do anything. I still ended up passing my evaluations and got certified but after that I decided to enter a different field of employment.
Logical Sense
Issa Rae Reaction GIF GiphyWas engaged to a man who was financially, emotionally and occasionally physically violent, all in front of our 2 yo daughter.
Then I met a man who asked me why I stayed. I couldn't come up with an answer that made logical sense.
I packed our stuff up and moved back in with my dad. BEST decision ever! Ended up marrying the other guy and now have a beautiful home, healthy relationship and another kiddo.
Tenure
I was a grad student working long hours to become a professor some day.
Then my advisor, who is much smarter than I am, who sacrificed having a family and basically never took any down time was denied tenure. When that happens, not only do you not get the brass ring, you actually are FIRED and have to search for a new job.
I had been focused on my research, sacrificing MANY MANY things I was interested in but had no time for. I saw that and that's when I said what the f**k am I doing?"
I finished my PhD and quit. Went into business instead. Made lots of money and have a great family life.
Tenure track is racket. It's a way to get highly skilled cheap labor. If you divide the salary by the hours it's not even minimum wage and no job security unless you win the prize.
Complications
Yesterday. Today. Day before. All three.
My dad's going to die today.
He got Covid, started to recover, hospital tried to put in a central line. Failed.
He started bleeding internally and wouldn't clot. He couldn't breathe so they put him on a ventilator. Somewhere during and after all that, he had two seizures.
I asked the doctor what the f*ck happened. He says, "complications from covid."
I ask him where the bleeding is from. He says "All over. We don't know."
I hear from other people that it started after they tried to put in the central line. His blood just refuses to clot.
They pump 10 units of blood through him. Won't clot. Unconscious, won't regain consciousness. They're going to take him off life support in 8 hours.
I'm 40 years old. I have no wife. No children. I rent a room out of a house near work.
At my age, my dad had a wife, three children, and a home. For all his faults, I look at where he was, where I am, and at the only things that really matter.
I do not measure up.
I am my father's son and I am a failure.
He is about to pass and, in my eyes, I am only and will ever be a disappointment to him. He will never know anything else.
- JereRB
Bean Bag Black Hole
After losing our daughter, my husband and I couldn't sleep in our (former) bedroom anymore. We had it set up so she was sleeping in the same room. Sids is a nightmare from which you never wake up, as much as months of screaming "it isn't real" and begging each other to answer when we'd really wake up would make you think just maybe it is.
Anyway.
We slept on an old, lumpy, horribly uncomfortable black bean bag chair pulled into the living room/common space that a housemate had brought when they moved in quite some time prior. We slept on that pit of depression for four(?) months fucking up our backs and frankly, hoping we wouldn't wake up.
Covid hit RIGHT after her death so social distancing was a blessing and a curse as it was an extra reason to lay there mindlessly watching lets plays because we couldn't cope with the silence of a house that no longer held the cries of a newborn.
One day, we couldn't do it anymore. Someone gave us a new bed they no longer needed because we couldn't even look at the one we used prior, a reminder of days when we'd sit on it and hold her. When we got that bed, I remember staring at that beanbag in horror, wondering how much time we'd truly spent laying on it in a fog of alternating apathy and inconsolable pain; wondering how much we could have been doing if we didn't let it suck us in, like a black hole.
Because that's what it was. It was a black hole of depression manifested into the most uncomfortable "bed" this world has ever seen.
So much time zombified. Not eating, not sleeping, staying up and pulling blankets down from his face and making sure he was breathing every night.
That was the most I think I could bring myself to do then, besides mindlessly clean the bathroom and stare at food in cabinets I couldn't make myself eat.
We dragged that thing outside and literally tore it apart, filling six trash bags with what ended up being cut up foam chunks of various hardness (some like bricks, some soft as a bunny, all sizes in completely hacked up and jagged shapes).
It was liberating. It was gutting the misery that gutted us.
We didn't start acting like real people and DOING things again until we set the bed up.
Our old bedroom is still unused outside of a place to contain dressers. Our daughter's dresser is in another room and always was, it's become more of a memorial. The pack and play is covered up kept near her dresser.
We're expecting another child in late spring, though all the girl clothes won't do us very much good (I doubt he'd appreciate seeing baby photos dressed head to toe in pink hand me downs from other moms when he gets older regardless of how much I care about gendered clothing and how bullshit a concept that is).
My dad has been holding onto the other baby stuff in his basement for us. We didn't expect to have another child so soon nor do we see him as a replacement which I'd like to make very clear, though for some time I do recall we'd look at each other and whisper we would feel as empty as our arms until there was someone we could hold again. Besides our lizards, who are very helpful and loving boys that brought us all the snugs we could ever need before it all happened and after.
I don't know how they feel about having a little brother who is twice/three times their size soon, but I'm sure they'll be okay with it.
Her birthday would have been Saturday. On this day last year I went into the hospital to begin a very stubborn induction. It's not an easy week, but god damn. We learned to move forward when we ditched that fucking thing, we're people again, we've been making significant progress in life. We've come a long way.
I didn't know how badly I needed to write this out tonight. Thank you, OP. This was extremely cathartic.
Get Up
A couple years ago, while taking a walk through a park I spotted a homeless guy that didn't look right, slumped against a tree. Went to investigate and found that he was likely OD'd.
I tried chest compression to get his heart going as I called the authorities. Nobody came.
I ended up waiting by the tree with the guy for a couple hours in the rain.
I just remember sitting next to him, thinking about a lot of things. I ended up looking over my life up to that point, and decided again that I had to keep trying and get up.
Monotone
every day I sit in front of my work laptop, I regularly ask myself "wtf am I doing with my life?" and it's incredibly weird because on paper, everything is going great with my life, all things considered.
I just don't get it.
From time to time I'll get lit, and same thing, the thoughts come back. WTF am I doing with my life?
All my life I thought "I love the idea of programming, getting paid well and sitting in front of a pc instead of working outside!"
Now that I am exactly in this situation, I'm not that happy as I thought. Yes there are some good days, but all around life seems kinda ... monotone.
Not Equipped
Probably not the worst, but it was a milestone.
As a grown, single woman, dating a single man, I found myself hiding in his room from his housemate because of his religious/sexual hangups.
I asked myself what the f*ck I was doing with my life and resolved then to stop dating men who weren't actually equipped to be in a relationship.
Chronic
I was watching porn of something I'm not even remotely attracted to. I happened to see my reflection and everything changed.
I used to masturbate 5-12x a day like it was nothing. It got so bad I didn't have to be hard to orgasm. It was like my unit knew. I was sore for a good month.
After seeing my reflection, I started following "no fap" expecting I'd get superpowers and suddenly have more focus and confidence, etc.
Very quickly I realized that sh*t was absolutely NOT working and I eventually just gathered my courage and started talking to girls and stopped being a little b*tch about it.
I socialized more, talked more, and eventually got a girlfriend and had sex. I moved on from multiple times a day chronic masturbation.
It was bad bro. All I did was play video games at least 18 hours a day and the other part was spent beating and sleeping. I was so compulsive I even muted my mic mid game just to do it. It was terrible.
Old Wives' Tales People Still Believe For Some Reason
"Reddit user the_spring_goddess asked: 'What is an old wives tale that people still believe?'"
The old wives' tales.
They are the stories of legend.
I think we all need a big DEEP Google dive though.
Where did they originate?
WHO ARE THE OLD WIVES!
You don't hear about them as much anymore.
It's like science and logic are suddenly a thing.
But they sure are a good way to keep your kids and their behavior in line.
Redditor the_spring_goddess wanted to discuss the tall tales we've all been fed through life, so they asked:
"What is an old wives tale that people still believe?"
"Wait an hour to swim after eating."
What a crock!
So many summer hours wasted.
I want revenge for that one.
Say Nothing
Giphy"An undercover cop has to tell you he's a cop if you ask him."
LonelyMail5115
"Pretty much most advice when it comes to cops are old wives tales. I’m not even a cop but most of the advice you hear is pretty off."
I_AM_AN_A**HOLE_AMA
Say Something
"That you have to wait 24 hours to report someone missing."
Severe_Airport1426
"I really think this one is important and should be the top regardless. As it’s a piece of advice that needs to be relearned and the only way to do that is through awareness."
crappycurtains
"This used to be true. I think they changed it after some guy named Brandon went missing back in the '80s or '70s. You used to have to wait 24 hours if the missing person was an adult because they had 'a right to be missing' and then everyone realized that was stupid and stopped doing it."
AlbinoShavedGorilla
Body Temps
"That drinking ice cold water after eating oily foods will solidify the oil and permanently remain in your body. I informed my coworker that if your body temperature ever reached that point, you’d have bigger problems than weight gain."
chriseo22
"Oh, I have a cousin who 100% believed this. One of those guys who believed every early 2000s internet rumor and old wives tale. One night I chugged a big glass of ice water after dinner and he started freaking out and saying my guts were gonna harden."
"I sarcastically told him to drive me to the hospital if that happened. Obviously, nothing happened and the next morning I said something like 'Thanks for being on standby in case my guts filled with hardened oil.' He just walked off muttering under his breath."
apocalypticradish
Arms Down
"When I was pregnant, I was told by young and old alike that I should NOT raise my arms above my head or exert myself in such a manner because it could cause cord strangulation to my unborn sons and daughters."
Fatmouse84
10 Years Actually
Unimpressed Uh Huh GIF by Brooklyn Nine-Nine Giphy"Chewing gum stays in your stomach for 7 years."
"I remember accidentally swallowing a piece of gum when I was a kid in like 1995 and just accepting my fate like welp, gonna have this in my stomach til high school I guess."
Gecko-911
I was so afraid to sallow my gum when I was young.
This tale is haunting.
High/Low
Hungry Debra Messing GIF by Will & Grace Giphy"You can tell the sex of the baby by how you carry."
LeastFormal9366
"Pregnancy certainly wins awards for the most old wives tales. So much absolute BS was repeated to us by everyone we talked to."
IllIIIlIllIlIIlIllI
The Cursed
"If you’re a woman and you wear opal jewelry but opal is not your birthstone (October), you’ll never be able to have children, or will be widowed, or just generally have bad luck or something. You can counteract this by having a diamond in the same piece of jewelry as the opal, though."
"I have a nice opal ring that my parents gave me years ago, and I’ve had other women give me this 'advice' unprompted more than once when I’ve worn it. I have absolutely no idea where it started, but I’m pretty sure this little chunk of silicate rock has no concept of what month I was born in, let alone of how my reproductive organs work."
SmoreOfBabylon
Stay In
"Going outside with wet hair will make you get pneumonia. Or an earache. Or maybe arthritis. Depends on which old wife you listen to."
"Jokes on them - I haven't blow-dried my hair in decades and usually leave the house with wet hair in the morning. On winter mornings, the tips of my hair get frozen. No ear infections or pneumonia or arthritis yet."
worldbound0514
Dreams and Facts
"You never make anyone up in your dreams you've seen everyone in your dreams somewhere else before and never make anyone up entirely."
"How would you possibly prove that to be true? My partner adamantly believes this and tells me this 'fact' whenever I have a dream about someone I've never met before."
mattshonestreddit
"My late wife used to tell me that before she met me she would have dreams of standing at an alter on her wedding day but could never see the guy's face, no matter how hard she tried. After meeting me the face was filled in with mine. Don't know if it's true but one of those things I like thinking of every now and then when I miss her."
Darthdemented
Cracked
Getting Ready Episode 2 GIF by The Office Giphy"Some people still believe cracking knuckles causes arthritis."
Choice-Grapefruit-44
"There's a doctor (Donald Unger) that cracked his knuckles a couple of times a day for 60 years, but only on one hand, just to prove it. Both hands remained exactly the same."
MacyTmcterry
I love my knuckles.
Do you have any tall tales to add to the list? Let us know in the comments below.
A lot of workers daydream about some day winning the lottery and being able to say goodbye to their job.
Far too many workers are unhappy with their job duties, workplace dynamics or company culture.
But with a taste for luxuries like housing and food, they keep plugging away, year after year.
However not everyone feels that way about their job.
So what are these compelling careers?
Reddit user BITE_AU_CHOCOLAT asked:
"People who wouldn't quit their job even if you won the lottery, what's your job?"
Cup Of Joe
"Barista is my main regular job."
"I f*cking love it."
"I love being able to talk to people all day and making cute little swans or whatever in people's drinks."
~ Low_Perception9046
Cleaning Up
"Janitor."
"Hours are good, work is easy, people are mostly nice."
"Something to keep me busy."
~ IHate2ChooseUserName
Fun With Chemistry
"I develop chemical sensors."
"I would buy the company and work half time."
"The joy of solving the types of problems that come up is fun."
~ BadDadWhy
Helping Children
"When I win the lottery I’ll still work but I’ll probably go to part time."
"I work with children with special needs—my job is rewarding and special."
"I love working with kids."
"Plus I’m too young to 'retire' and not work, I’ll get bored."
~ No-Section3226
Doing Dos
"I do hair."
"Love it!"
"Gives me purpose."
~ Hyperboleballad
Feeding The Hungry
"I'm actually a chef at my local homeless shelter."
"My dream job, even with an advanced degree."
"I'd not quit this if I won 3 lotteries."
"I would, however, cut a fat check to my organization and my sister organizations."
~ subwooferofthehose
Angel Of Mercy
"Nursing."
"I kind of still like it."
"I'd probably back off to part time if I won big."
~ LadyVaresa
Sweet Beats
"I'm a musician."
"Basically I have what for most people is a dream job, which makes me a non-representative specimen."
"On the other hand, I still occasionally work as a paramedic, and as rewarding as that job can be, I'm mostly doing it when I want to grab some extra cash."
"I'd probably let my certs expire if I was rich."
~ loose_lady_lutenist
Healing
"I'm a doctor."
"A great portion of my income is already donated to my hospital's program that expands access to low-income patients."
"I'd probably give 100% of my income to the program if I won and use the lottery winnings for living."
~ Shiblets
DIY
"I recondition (light remodeling) apartments after tenants move out."
"I’m alone all day and I can listen to podcasts or books, the work is very satisfying to me, and as a woman I’ve loved learning HVAC, plumbing, and electrical work as I use the experience in my own home when things break/need updating."
"I would go crazy without working anyway but I really do love my job."
~ Dependent-Bass-2043
All Creatures Great And Small
"Kennel attendant."
"I’ll never willingly turn my back on these animals."
~ RathGodofWar
No Business Like Show Business
"I’m the Assistant Director for a Children’s Theatre."
"It’s really not something you do for the money."
"You do it because you love it and can’t imagine your life without it."
~ RamblingsOfaMadCat
Fostering Futures
"I work in addiction recovery."
"It means a lot to me."
"I wouldn’t quit if I won the lottery, but I would go part time."
~ randtcouple
A Stitch In Time
"I teach people how to sew, mostly kids but we have a few adult classes as well."
"It is stressful but also so rewarding to see a room full of people who have learned a skill from you and can take home a bunch of goodies."
"Sewing is a dying skill so we need to teach it more!"
~ Interesting-Chest520
Saving Lives
"National Suicide Prevention Lifeline."
"I love the job. It’s stressful at times but also very rewarding."
~ MaryKathGallagher
Many people stated they might cut back to part-time or donate their salary, but a significant number of people had no plans to stop working.
However some would change their job focus or profession.
So, would you keep working after a lottery win?
Some people stand firmly stand behind their beliefs that everyone would benefit from therapy and that therapy is life-changing.
It's because of the totally life-changing truth bombs their therapist had dropped during their sessions.
Curious, Redditor anonymiss0018 asked:
"What is a little bombshell your therapist dropped in one of your sessions that completely changed your outlook?"
Communication Issues
"'If you don’t have these problems with any other person in your life, why do you think you’re the problematic person in this one?'"
- maggiebear
"I love this. I have a 'friend' who I always seem to run into misunderstandings with. Every time we had a conversation, it somehow turned into a debate even if it was me talking about my day. The conversations were never easy."
"I always evaluate myself first and take into consideration his critiques. He was very good at convincing me that I was contradicting myself or wasn't good at communicating my thoughts."
"I NEVER had this issue with ANYONE else in my life. I kept trying to figure out where the miscommunication was coming from. In the end, I just minimized contact and now I don't run into this issue."
- chobani_yo
"I read this quote somewhere once (and probably have it a bit wrong): 'It's a waste of time arguing with someone who is determined to misunderstand you.'"
Emotional Regulation
"'You can’t control your emotions, but you can control what you do with them.'"
"At the time, I was a young adult who had learned zero healthy emotional regulation skills (only suppression and shaming) growing up, so this blew my mind."
- lil_mermaid
Tough Relationships
"'It sounds to me like you are trying to convince yourself to stay with your girlfriend. I'm not so sure it should be so difficult.'"
"At the time he said this, I remember it was like he said, 'The earth is flat.' I thought he was crazy when he suggested relationships don't need to be difficult. But eventually, I started to realize I was trying to change myself to stay with this person rather than just being who I am."
"It took me three more months to finally break up with her but from that day on, I vowed to never again abandon myself just to be with someone I had convinced myself was better than me."
- metric88
High-Stress Situation
"I was at a high-stress time, and I asked her how people live like this."
"She replied, 'Oftentimes they have cardiac events.' She said it as an urging to care for myself as much as possible."
- KittenGr8r
The End of Alcohol
"I was struggling with my alcoholism, and we were discussing how I had been cutting back."
"She asked what I would consider success, with regard to my drinking."
"I said I wanted to get to a point where it wasn't interfering with my daily life. I wanted to just be able to have a glass of wine at holiday dinners or family gatherings."
"She simply asked me why. Why was it important for me to drink at those times?"
"It was as if she'd turned on a light. Alcohol had always been a key ingredient in every family function, for my entire life. When I smell bourbon, I think of my uncle. When I smell vermouth, I think of my dad. Alcohol ran through almost every happy childhood memory."
"But, even more than that, I was very afraid of the explanation I'd have to give when family and friends asked why I wasn't having a drink. I had tried to quit before but failed. What if I admitted my problem, only to fall off the wagon?"
"When she asked why I didn't want to completely quit, it was the first time I saw that last part of the big picture. I'd be willing to drink myself to death in order to avoid being scrutinized, or judged for possible future failures."
"That was the day I quit. I've been sober since May 6th, 2017. 2,407 days."
- sophies_wish
Acceptance vs. Enjoyment
"'Accepting something doesn’t mean you have to like it.'"
"That took away a lot of my inner conflicts about situations because I could accept a situation without expending energy internally fighting against the injustice of it."
- alibelloc
Emotionally Immature Parents
"You are not responsible for your parents' emotional wellbeing. They are independent adults who have been on this earth for many more years than you."
- SmokedPears
Not So Lazy
"'Why do you think you're lazy?' Then she listed off all the things she knows I'm doing for my family, my job, and my life."
"It kind of blew my mind when I struggled to come up with an example."
"She also described family dysfunction as water. Some families are messed up in a way that everyone can see the huge waves across the surface. Others are better at hiding it, but there's still a riptide that you can't see unless you're also in the water."
"It made me realize that trying to keep the surface from ever rippling doesn't erase what is happening underneath."
- flybyknight665
The Harm in People-Pleasing
"'Why do you make people more comfortable when you are uncomfortable?' when talking about people pleasing and fawning."
- ERsandwich
Agree to Disagree
"'Stop trying to get everyone to agree. When you need everyone to agree, the least agreeable person has all the power.'"
This really changed my outlook on planning family events."
- freef
Grieve and Start Anew
"For context, I had a major TBI (traumatic brain injury), seizures, strokes, and all around not a fun brain time when I was 28."
"They said, 'You have to grieve the loss of yourself.'"
"Most people wanted me to go back to how I was. The f**ked up truth is that part of my brain is dead. The person everyone (including myself) knew died. I needed to grieve the loss of myself."
- squeaktoy_la
Multifaceted Identity
"They told me that my job and career is just a way to make money; it's not my life or identity. That took a lot of pressure off me."
- unfairpegasus
Breaking the Cycle
"They validated me."
"'You always talk about not wanting to do to your daughters what your mom did to you. You worry about it so much in every interaction you have ever had with them."
"But your children are 19 and 21 now. They are happy and healthy and they trust you because you’ve never abused them in any way. So I just want to validate for you that you really have broken that cycle of violence."
"You did that. And you should be proud of it. I’m proud of you for it.'"
- puppsmcgee74
The Grieving Process
"I was constantly bringing up how I felt like a completely different person after my mom died... like there was a marked difference between before and after her death."
"But once, she was asking about my hobbies, I got really into describing all the things I loved to do or at least used to do before I got into a deep depression."
"She was like, 'Wow, you seem very passionate.'"
"And I just sat there like, 'Well, I mean, I can't change what I like to do, they're still fun to do.'"
"And it's like she knew when to take a step back, because it was like, wow, I may be super depressed about my mom passing, but I'm still me. I'm still my passions and those don't go away."
"I don't know, maybe it only makes sense to be, but it really started getting me back on track."
- Hannibal680
Sharing the Load
"I've never really had friends. I've had colleagues and classmates and housemates and people who have hung out with me, but I never really felt close to any of them."
"And I did that thing you see on here sometimes; I stopped reaching out to see if I would be reached out to, and I wasn't, which I took as confirmation that they didn't really want me around, or at the very least, that they wouldn't mind my absence."
"I was talking to my therapist about people I'd been close to in college, and she told me to pick one and talk about him. So I did. After I shared some basic stuff like his name and his major etc., and a couple of anecdotes, she asked me what else I knew about him."
"And I couldn't answer. It wasn't really a broadly applicable bombshell, but she said, 'What else?' and I started crying because I realized that for as simple as the question was, my inability to answer spoke volumes."
"I've never had good friends because I've never been a good friend. I'm withdrawn and reserved and I always made others do the work to drag me out, without ever extending my own friendship in a meaningful way in return. If I wanted to have meaningful relationships with other people, I would have to build them."
"I'm still working on this, but I'm trying to make more offers and extend more friendliness to others in my daily life."
- Backupusername
The discoveries in this thread were incredibly touching and profound; it's no wonder these were lasting concepts for these Redditors.
It's important to keep ourselves open to inspiration and insights from others, as we have no idea how their experiences could help us, or how we could help them.
There's something comforting about living in a small town.
It's characterized by close communities where neighbors know each other by name and there is an abundance of kindness extended to others.
Gift-giving is a commonality, as is the sharing of recipes, and people going out of their way to help each other in a time of need.
The pace of living in small towns is also a striking contradiction to city life, where crowds of people go about their busy lives without much interaction.
Curious to hear more examples of what small town living is like, Redditor official_biz asked:
"What's the most 'small town' thing you've witnessed?"
These are positive examples of a tight-knit community.
Live Updates
"We have a village Facebook page. Every time the ice cream man drives into the village, the entire page goes ballistic. People send live updates of where the van is and which direction he's heading. The ice cream man has started accepting DMs so he knows which streets to go down."
– PyrrhuraMolinae
Brush With The Law
"I’m from a town of less than 2,000 people. When I worked at the grocery store there people would often drop off stuff for my family members because they didn’t want to drive all the way down to our house. I no longer live there but recently got a call from my daughter. She had been stopped for speeding and handed over her license and insurance which happens to be in my mother’s name. The officer goes 'Hey, you’re Donnie’s granddaughter! I ain’t gonna write you a ticket but I’m telling Donnie when I see him tomorrow cause we’re going fishing.' She replied 'I think I’d rather have the ticket.'”
Roadside Catchup
"The traffic on the 'main street' of my town is so sparse, two drivers going opposite directions can stop and talk to each other for a few minutes without causing any problem."
– anon
When things go wrong, people take notice without incident.
Bank Robbery
"A guy robbed a bank and everyone knew immediately who he was and the teller got mad at him."
– AlexRyang
"A local bank was robbed and one of the tellers told the police to bring her a yearbook from about ten years earlier and she would be able to point the robber out. He had been in the grade before hers in school."
– Strict_Condition_632
Wise Woman
"When I worked at the bank in town there was an older lady that had worked there through 5 mergers."
"She knew everyone, there was a young guy yelling at me one day. She walked out of the back and he immediately quieted. She went off about telling his grandmother that he was treating young women like sh*t. She also said that if he didn’t straighten up not one girl in town would ever marry him she would make sure of it."
– ilurvekittens
Intoxicated Local
"Town drunk was paralyzed and used a motorized wheelchair to get around. I was driving home one Saturday night and said town drunk was passed out in his wheelchair doing circles almost directly in the town square. Had to call his brother who came and picked him up on a rollback truck. Strapped him down and drove off into the cold dark night."
– DoodooExplosion
Grazing Over To The Bar
"In my former small town, there was an older guy who'd lost his license after getting a few DUIs. Every day, he would ride his John Deere lawnmower to the corner bar around 3PM and sit around watching TV and sipping his beer well into the night. Then he'd head the couple miles back home on his mower. He even had a little canvass shell he put on when it rained or got too cold."
– brown_pleated_slacks
It's not surprising how small town people behave differently than those who are from metropolitan areas.
Welcoming Committee
"I lived in a small town. When I moved there, people would ask, 'Whose house did you buy?'"
–MoonieNine
"Move to a small town. 30 years later, you are still the new guy."
– impiousdrifter
"I lived in a small town for most of my childhood but I wasn't "from there" because my grandparents weren't from there."
– raisinghellwithtrees
"Worked with an older guy, relative of the owner of the business, he was 73. I asked him if he was a local, he said 'no his parents moved here when he was two.'"
– realneil
A Busy Day
"Lived in a town of about 5,000: A woman walked into the DMV on a Friday, saw that there were 3 people ahead of her and left to come back another time when they weren't so busy."
– KenmoreToast
Who Let The Dogs Out?
"My dogs got out while i was working. the police called my niece's elementary school (she was a 5th grader) to get her to round them up and take them back home."
– mediocrelpn
"There was a small kennel behind the police station for runaways. They called us saying they had our dog, and moments later our dog showed up home. He broke out of jail."
– Worried_Place_917
While life in a small town sounds appealing, I don't know if I can ever live in one.
I'm so used to life in big cities, I think it would be quite unnerving to adjust in a neighborhood where everyone literally knows your business.
I would be paranoid.
And I'm sure the same could be said of life in the big city.
Would you consider making the switch to life in a different setting?