Jilted People Reveal Times They Weren't Given Credit For Hard Work
Jilted People Reveal Times They Weren't Given Credit For Hard Work[rebelmouse-image 18351875 is_animated_gif=
Life is NOT fair! That is learning lesson #1! The even bigger truth... most EVERY aspect of life is NOT fair! Nor will it ever be. Now many times people will be rewarded for their diligence and hard work but more often than not the credit one is due is sadly misplaced. We go around life never being given that handshake, pat on the back, million dollar reward or even the simplest of thank yous. But that is why we are told to do good and be productive and our ability to be proud of oneself is it's own prize. Yeah... I'm not buying it either.
Redditor pimonroy wanted everyone to speak up for themselves asking to admit... What's something you've done that deserved credit but no one gave it to you? Gimme my applause!!!
2%? THAT ALL YOU GOT?
I wrote a perl script that saved my company $10 million when the electric company dug up our data lines. We were able to continue production for 17 hours and keep the Jeep plant running with no interruption. It wasn't even my job to write that script, I just saw the potential emergency situation and decided to do something about it. Got my normal 2% salary increase that year. Thanks Exel.
REVENGE IS SLOW...[rebelmouse-image 18351876 is_animated_gif=
About 10 years ago I applied for a job as a Recycling Coordinator. Part of the application process was that they left me alone with a laptop to answer the question: "How would you improve compliance?" So I laid out this idea I had about a PR campaign. I didn't get the job. But about 6 months later they rolled out a campaign that was exactly what I had proposed.
I'm still waiting to serve cold revenge to the Director of that department.
WHERE MY NAME AT?[rebelmouse-image 18351877 is_animated_gif=
Helped design significant portions of a multi-million dollar renovation, just to have my name scrubbed in a fit of office politics.
A YOUR PART OF DISCOVERY...[rebelmouse-image 18351878 is_animated_gif=
I discovered the first recorded evidence of a blacksmith's forge in a major (literally world-famous) Roman site. I was uncredited as I was working as part of an unpaid Archaeological student excavation team...
TIME DOESN'T HEAL ALL WOUNDS...[rebelmouse-image 18351879 is_animated_gif=
I helped raise and take care of my niece and nephew for many years. I decided that I couldn't stay in my mother's religion anymore and left it when I was 19. They were no longer allowed to speak or have anything to do with me after that. For so many years I changed their diapers, fed them, bathed them, cried with them, rocked them to sleep, cleaned up so much vomit, drove them to and from school, took them to work with me on Bring Your Kid to Work Day, watched cartoons...and it was just all taken away in the blink of an eye. I saw them a few years back at my dads house (he's not in my mothers religion), they hadn't seen me since they were about 6 or 7 years old and they were both getting ready to graduate high school. They barely remembered who I was and didn't say two words to me hardly.
It breaks my heart to this day to know that they'll never realize how much I love them.
THAT'S MINE!![rebelmouse-image 18978490 is_animated_gif=
Designed my school's logo in an after school "logo designing" class back in 7th grade. They just used it without ever telling me.
My college senior design class requires students to sign over project IP to the school. Then the professor had the gall to reject any projects he didn't think were innovative enough to get bought by Google.
BE A VAPER![rebelmouse-image 18978491 is_animated_gif=
There was a fire in my apartment building. The old lady who lived in the apartment below mine had fallen asleep smoking, and woke up to her apartment on fire. She got out, but was too shocked to notify anyone else. So, I was the one who noticed it, got my girlfriend at the time out of the place, then ran through knocking on doors and yelling in windows. Everyone got out safe. I sort of voluntarily avoided credit for two reasons; first, my girlfriend at the time was recently divorced (but separated for a good amount of time), and she was spending the night, which her parents didn't approve of, being a conservative Catholic family. Second, my local news had seemingly been on a string of interviews where not a single person being interviewed didn't come off as being a yokel/hill person. It was mostly reason one, but reason two was a benefit.
The apartment complex thanked me by moving the old lady back in to the same apartment, despite her refusing to quit smoking. My lease renewal was coming up, so I noped out then.
Also, the only people we told were my parents, and my wonderful mom's reaction was basically"oh, Bad_Idea_Hat would never have done something that heroic." So that's cool, should have seen that coming.
I'LL JUST TAKE A SIMPLE, OLD CADILLAC...[rebelmouse-image 18978492 is_animated_gif=
I used to work at an exotic car dealership startup. I was just a detailer at the time. We had a meeting to discuss ways to improve cash flow cuz we weren't selling enough cars. I had the idea of using the empty front parking lot of about 30 spaces to sell cheaper cars like Mercedes/bmw/Audi etc. they shot that idea straight out of the sky. I was eventually fired for_"not caring about the business." _1 year later and guess what they are doing. In fact they're not even selling exotics anymore. Just used cars.
NEXT TIME YOU GET YOUR BAG![rebelmouse-image 18978493 is_animated_gif=
I was 18 and on holiday with my girlfriend in Italy, we'd just arrived in Rome having flown in and caught a train to termini station. We stop in a park not far from the station to take a break and have some food before finding our hostel. We're both quite tired so my girlfriend starts napping in the sun and I'm lounging out too, occasionally shutting my eyes. After enjoying the sun for 20 minutes or so I open my eyes to see a man walking away from us but quite close by, then think to myself that that's quite strange because I hadn't heard him at all. I look around and immediately realize my girlfriend's handbag is gone, I jump up and run after the man who I now see is wearing a big coat and is clearly in a hurry to leave. I shout after him and manage to catch up before he gets out of the park and grab his arm, spin him around and wrestle the handbag from underneath his coat. He runs off and, not particularly wanting to start a whole thing, I decide to leave it and return to my girlfriend with her handbag containing her passport, mobile phone and holiday money. Amazingly she had slept through the whole event so I woke her up, told her what had just happened and that I had essentially just saved the entire holiday.... Her response. Nothing. Not a _'thanks' _not even to this day. About 8 years on and several girlfriends later this still annoys me.
TRUTH IN SOAP![rebelmouse-image 18978494 is_animated_gif=
I've BEEN doing the dishes, thats why the sink isn't overflowing. You just use a lot of dishes.
I DON'T NEED THE NEWS VAN...[rebelmouse-image 18356805 is_animated_gif=
My first week as a solo police officer I "saved" a toddler who escaped their home. It was right as winter was rolling in and it was maybe 40 degrees. A few hours later, as the sun had set, I see a half naked toddler near a treeline down a private road about a mile from his house. Hopped out of my patrol car, grabbed him, and stuffed him into my jacket. Went back to the car, pumped up the heat, and radioed for medical/fire. They arrived, the news crews arrived, and the firefighters got all the credit.
BETRAYL!![rebelmouse-image 18354612 is_animated_gif=
I believe I was the first to remove the border on the commodore 64, shared the code freely with my friends, only to discover that my _"friend" _would post it as his own in a code-competition in a magazine back in the early 80's.
That's my first taste of treason and humanity.
WHERE WERE YOU?[rebelmouse-image 18978495 is_animated_gif=
I wrote a paper for our senior year. My partner did nothing, except screwing things up and writing like an infant.
We won the award for the best paper at graduation. He was the only one mentioned and got the award because he got 0.5 more points on his oral exam.
A TALE AS TOLD AS TIME...[rebelmouse-image 18978496 is_animated_gif=
In like 5th or 6th grade my reading class was doing greek myths and fables like Odysseus and Perseus...
We had to choose between like 6 projects. Most kids chose easy ones like read a book do a cutout or report or glue paper on paper really easy busy work. I chose one where we had to make a throne for one of the gods. So i spent the entire weekend building a throne for hades (i liked skeletons and edgy stuff)
Took me a long time and a bunch of pain Styrofoam and dollar store arts and crafts to make a throne that really expressed what hades was all about. I then took a skeleton guy from the budget Halloween area and put him on the throne. Presentation time came around even though my throne was bomb diggidy i am awkward and got a C on the speaking portion. Whatever its the throne that was mainly interested in
I never got the throne back. It was used a display in the library which is cool and all but i was never told that and as far as the random kid knew it was nameless cuz there was never any "Made by : " stickers on it.
So my hard worked art was shoved on display with no real credit on it for like half the school year and when i got it back the kids who passed by messed with it and it was missing bits and pieces and the entire skeleton was gone. got an A on the throne which averaged the grade to a B. But if i just did the easy flip books or whatever it was i would have gotten the same grade because the dumb girl who sat near me got a better grade for trash that took her like 10 minutes to do.
YOU'RE WELCOME 5-0![rebelmouse-image 18978497 is_animated_gif=
About 20 years ago my engine company (fire department) went to an arson call. Somebody stuck burning paper inside somebody's apartment door mail slot. The fire didn't take hold and it became more of a police department scene. Just before left the scene, the mentally-unstable tenant, who was suspected of the arson, grabbed a rifle and charged past us. He was running toward police that were headed downstairs about a floor below. My captain and I grabbed him and subdued him until the police came back and disarmed him.
The police department never thanked us for nor acknowledged our actions that night. I'm sure they were embarrassed that they didn't properly clear and secure the apartment. I doubt it was ever mentioned in any report, and it chaps me a bit that it's probably because of pride. But of course I'm glad we were able to help and would definitely do it again.
DOGS FIRST![rebelmouse-image 18978498 is_animated_gif=
Notified my neighbors that their house was on fire, helped them exit. Went back in for their two dogs (mucho flames at this point). Walked across the street to tell my wife I was fine, sat down, walked back over to make sure the neighbors were going to be fine (police and fire on the scene by this point) cops told me to leave or be arrested and wouldn't let me get checked out for smoke inhalation.
SAY CHEESE![rebelmouse-image 18978499 is_animated_gif=
Back in 2009 I used to work in social media development and I came up with a simple idea:"what if we had a special slot for a new photo we ask people to take, with them having the site name and their username written on a piece of paper? ... we can give them a little verified green check mark if they do it"
I think a few sites had done 'verification' back then but it was mostly pertaining to a verified email address. We had a Philippine admin team just checking photos on the backend so they were all manually approved. So yeah, in my most modest fantasies, I like to think that I helped that check mark become the standard you see now.
DO YOUR OWN WORK NEXT TIME...[rebelmouse-image 18978500 is_animated_gif=
A lot of people on my course in college left all their coursework to the last minute for the whole year, i'm talking 1 week before the deadline most people still had the the first assignment to finish so i stayed from 8 am to 10pm everyday that last week including on my birthday to help them out, some of them even got distinctions when they would have been disqualified without me and yet the next year rolls round and not one credited me for helping them and most got openly hostile if i suggested that i did help them.
JOKES ON ME...[rebelmouse-image 18978501 is_animated_gif=
When I was just out of high school, my dad was having some alcohol issues. I lived with my boyfriend, was going to college full time, and worked full time. I'd drive the hour to my dad's house to stock his fridge once a week. I paid his utilities for him for almost two years. I endured drunken 2am phone calls during this time. I decided to take a semester off, to get ahead on money, and didn't go back. After about two years of this, my dad got a DUI and quit drinking.
Flash forward ten years. My little brother and sister are 10 and 12 years younger than me, and are just beginning college. Our dad pays their tuition, their apartment rent, visits them to take them out to eat, and sends them cash every week. And "jokes" with me that maybe one of them will get their degree and do something with their lives.
It was absolutely my choice to do everything that I did, but some acknowledgement of my help would be great.
YOU'RE WELCOME..[rebelmouse-image 18978502 is_animated_gif=
I actually donated my bone marrow to a totally random woman and, from what I'm told, directly saved her life. I asked the registry people if I could call and check on her or send a card or something, but apparently she's refused to have any contact with _"The donor" _- me.
I don't ever bring it up in real life because if you donate and talk about it, I think it somewhat negates the meaning of the act itself. But, yeah. Nobody actually knows I did that and the one woman who does, for some reason, refuses to have contact with me.
It's a teacher's job to leave a lasting impression and set a good example for their students.
With this in mind, particularly in this age of viral videos and social media, teachers have to be very careful of what they say during class hours.
Even so, there are very few teachers who haven't said something they've regretted when teaching a class.
Sometimes to control unruly students, other times when they've simply had enough.
Then too, sometimes teachers leave their students baffled and perplexed by what they say in their classroom, well aware of what they were saying.
Always making for a memorable story.
"What’s the wildest thing you’ve ever heard teacher say in class?"
And Anyone With Such Closed Minded Views Shouldn't Be Teaching...
"Had the Head of the Department in college claim in class that anyone who actually needs accommodations for mental health issues should not be in college to begin with."
"This was while we were discussing 'Death of a Salesman' and the discussion had veered over to unhealthy pressure and social standards for success."- RavensQueen502
"My very well-respected Biology teacher in college spent almost an entire lecture telling us that Jamie Lee Curtis was a hermaphrodite."
"It seemed oddly personal to him."- Urbane_Cowboy
Sad On So Many Levels
"Not heard but my freshmen year high school teacher once pulled a bottle of Jack out of his desk and took a shot during class."
"He was dying so towards the end I think he just stopped caring."- Mangothefello
Can't Take The Heat, Then Stay Out Of The Classroom...
"High school science teacher told my class that a kilometre was longer than a mile."
"Refused to budge when refuted and kicked out several students for doing so."- SupersonicDebris13
"5th grade teacher: 'Mount Whitney in California is the tallest mountain in the world'."
"5th grade me blurts out: 'No it isn't, Mount Everest is."
"Whitney is not even the tallest mountain in the USA, which is Mount McKinley in Alaska'."
"I got in trouble for 'contradicting the teacher'."- gtmattzget out GIFGiphy
It's Not Just Students Who Are Bullies...
"I had a teacher ridicule a fat kid about his lunch choices in front of the whole class."
"He ran out crying as she was making fat guy blimp gestures and telling him he was going to be huge as an adult."- SnooOwls5859
Some Dramatic License It Seems...
"I had a literature teacher who told the class that he didn't believe in dinosaurs, because the universe is only a couple thousand years old."
"The bones were put there by Satan."
"Thank f*ck he wasn't a science or history teacher."- AllBadAnswersof montreal dancing GIF by Polyvinyl RecordsGiphy
Everyone Deserves Nice Acomodations...
"My English teacher told us that he genuinely believes that the Rothchilds own a hotel for aliens in the Bermuda triangle."- TroyLear77
"We had this kid in our 6th-grade class."
"Very dark skinned kid from Africa."
"His name was Tajak."
"Every now and then when we'd line up to go to another class or lunch and the lights would go out some of his friends would go 'where Tajak at?'"
"Anyway one day we had a sub and we we're lining up for lunch, the lights went out and there went the 'where Tajak at?' and the SUBSTITUTE TEACHER who was also black went 'Boy you darker than night'."
"6th grade was f*cking wild."- 11221mikew
"Psych teacher in high school told us that 1 in 10 of the people were friends with in high school would be dead within 5 years of graduating."
"At the time I thought it was hyperbole, but it turns out he was being conservative."
"3 of the people in my high school friend group were dead by the time I was 22."- Reddit
Do They Really Need A Reason?
"'Now girls, don't you let them boys touch your breasts'."
"'It'll give you cancer'."- jondru
Maybe Should Have Checked With The Geography Teacher?
"A teacher in Elementary school claimed during history class that the Colosseum was in Greece, as an Italian kid I was very confused, this was in Mexico."- Spascucci
So Much For Instilling Hope...
"Didn't hear this personally, but read in a book about a guy who recalled his teacher skipping chapters in a textbook and saying 'You will not need to know this when you are down in the mines'."- futanari_kaisa
The mark of a good teacher is that students will take everything they hear from them with them for the rest of their lives.
Though, the less-than-wonderful teachers may also say things their students will never forget.
People Who've Had A Serious Illness Describe The Exact Moment They Knew Something Was Really Wrong
As a kid, I never raised alarm bells even when I started to feel sick. My mom got stressed easily and was busy taking care of my younger brother, so I never wanted to be a burden by making her take me to the doctor only to find out nothing was wrong.
However, in fifth grade, my ears started to hurt and I knew something was wrong. I told my mom, she took me to the doctor, and I found out I had an ear infection.
Now, an ear infection isn't serious at all, and it was easily treatable. Still, I learned something from that experience: no one knows your body better than you. You know if and when you're sick and how serious it is, even if you don't now exactly what is wrong.
Redditors can corroborate this. Many of them have experienced symptoms that told them they were sick in some way -- usually with a very serious illness -- and are ready to share those experiences.
It all started when Redditor thelearner18 asked:
"People who have had a serious disease (cancer, MS, organ failure, etc) when did you realize something was really wrong?"
A Lesson Learned
"Hust found out i have rectal cancer. 42 yrs old. multiple stools per day, not fully emptying, thin poop. so got a colonoscopy. bam! cancer. starting chemo next week. lesson learned for everyone....if your stools or stool schedule changes, go see a doctor"
A Lucky Break
"I had been having a lot of pain in my midsection, and all around my torso for several weeks. I went to the doctor and it was dismissed as gynecological cramping (menopausal?). It remained. After several weeks (6-8) I couldn’t take it anymore. I went to emergency in the middle of the night. I got a CT scan that showed a large kidney stone. They also found a mass on my ovary. The kidney stone lead them to finding a rare ovarian cancer. If not for that stone, I wouldn’t have known about the cancer and might not have caught it in time. I have been in remission since September 2021."
Cause For Concern
"My kid, who was 14 at the time, kept throwing up in the morning and having weird headaches. Her doctor thought it was migraines. She went back a couple of times, but the doctor was not concerned. Then one day she complained of a whooshing noise in her ear. Went to the children’s hospital and found out it was a brain tumor near her cerabellum. She was in ICU for a month, but turned out it was non cancerous and it never grew back. She is doing great now."
"I heard a whooshing noise in my ear a few years ago I only really heard it at night when it was quiet it would sometimes switch ears now I basically never hear it. I'm pretty sure it was just pulsatile tinnitus but still scary."
It Was The Salt
"I have Cystic Fibrosis (terminal lung disease) and it was found out when I didn't sh*t for 3 days after I was born and then my mother gave me a kiss and said I tasted REALLY salty."
"Now I'm on a gene modification drug called Trikafta and this is some serious witch craft a** sh*t because I no longer feel sick to death and I basically feel like a normal person. It's f*cking wild!
"Went from 19% lung function to 87% in 3 months. I no longer cough my a** off or feel like I'm suffocating from mucus. Go science!"
A Funky Optic Nerve
"I was diagnosed with MS when I was 22 after having blurred vision in one eye after a ski trip. I went to the optometrist and they said I had a dry eye probably from not wearing goggles while snow boarding. So they gave me steroid drops. After a week it kept getting worse, so I went back and they told me my eye looked much better so they did a field of view test, which showed I couldn’t see anything out of the lower half of one eye. They sent me straight to the emergency room since nothing was wrong physically wrong with my eye. They did some tests and I was diagnosed with MS and ended up going completely blind in one eye. My vision eventually came back and I got on medication within a month so haven’t really had any symptoms or issues since thankfully. I’m only 29 now though."
Caught It In Time
"This isn't me, but this happened to my best friend VERY recently. Like in the last couple of months."
"Was perfectly fine and healthy one day. Then the next he started feeling a little bit of pain in his kidney. He'd had kidney stones before, so he figured it was that again. Then he started peeing blood. He thought it was still part of the kidney stone thing so let it go for a couple days, but he was still peeing blood and the pain was getting worse."
"That's when he decided to go to the doctor. They did an X-ray and found a mass in his kidney and told him that based on where it was located they can't remove the mass, and they can't do a partial kidney removal, and it's about a 90% chance it's cancerous, but they wouldn't be able to do a biopsy without removing the kidney first. They did the whole insurance dance, but it went fast and within two weeks he was in surgery having his kidney removed."
"He's still recovering at home right now, but they got the biopsy results last week. It was indeed cancerous, but they caught it before it spread."
Happily Ever After
"I couldn’t walk anymore with my crutch I had been using to get by. Had Been on Percocet for 8 months because of the extreme pain. Nobody was finding answers to my pain but I knew something was wrong, badly. After finally having an ultra sound on my hips at the age of 26 I found out I had to undergo a double hip replacement to walk again due to a serious rare disease. I was stage 4 Avascular Nercrosis. Took a year to recover from both. But Happier ending, I’m doing good now. However it was very very upsetting news to get over a phone call at 26."
It Really Sneaks Around
"My wife started getting numbness in her right arm. The breast cancer had spread to her right shoulder and the tumor was crushing the nerves. She has stage four breast cancer in her bones."
A Turn For The Worse
"For me, it started May 14, 2014. I went to work and was having a good morning. Then, at about 9:00 in the morning or so, I started to feel some lower abdominal pain. Not to be crude, but it felt like that cramp you get when you really need to go to the bathroom. I did so, but the pain didn't go away. It got worse. I started to feel chills, was sweating, and felt nauseated. My employer has a clinic on site, so I went there. After some poking and prodding, the nurse asked me if I wanted to go home or if I wanted to go to the emergency room. I decided to go home, and if the pain didn't subside, then I'd go to the emergency room. As I was saying that, though, I noticed that my pain had gotten a LOT worse. They always make you rate your pain on a scale of 0 to 10, with 0 being no pain at all and 10 being the worst pain you've ever felt. When I went into the clinic, I was mostly uncomfortable, maybe a high 2 going into a 3. On that very subjective scale, I was now a 6 or a 7."
"I changed my mind and decided to go straight to the nearest emergency room. My boss drove me, and by the time we got there about 15 minutes later, I was now a 10. This was the worst pain I'd ever felt. My previous definition of the worst pain I'd ever felt was when I broke 7 bones in my wrist, it was misdiagnosed as a sprain, and I had to have them rebroken 2 weeks later. The pain in my abdomen was now worse than that. The emergency room admitted me and put me in a wheelchair. They wheeled me to a room, I curled up on the bed they put me in, and passed out."
"At some point, a nurse came in and gave me some morphine. Great stuff. No pain at all anymore. A doctor came in and told me they suspected a kidney stone. He wanted me to get a CT scan to confirm it, and I agreed. An orderly wheeled me off to imaging. I got scanned without contrast and was wheeled back to the room. My wife had arrived while I was getting scanned. Shortly later, the doctor who told me he thought it was a kidney stone came into the room. With another doctor. And two nurses. They all crowd around me with solemn looks on their faces."
"The first doctor told me it was a kidney stone. A 2 to 3 mm kidney stone had been lodged in the ureter of my left kidney. That's the tube that goes from the kidney to the bladder. It passed into my bladder when they gave me the morphine, but they could see evidence of it on the CT scan. Then the other doctor said they were more concerned about the 6 cm mass they found on my right kidney. They had my attention."
"They did another CT scan, with contrast this time, and it was impossible to see anything but a tumor in the pictures they showed me. They made an appointment for me with a urologist for the next day, as well as an appointment in a few days time to get it biopsied. It was an after-hours appointment for the urologist, but he was nice enough to stay late to see me. He looked at the CT Scans and cancelled my appointment to get it biopsied. He said there was nothing else it could be but cancer, and the kidney would have to go."
"Two months later, I had the kidney and the tumor removed laparoscopically. I was incredibly lucky. They caught it in stage 1. The doctor said there were signs it was going to start moving soon. I have no idea how doctors can look at a softball sized lump of cancer and tell anything other than 'gross', but that's why they're the doctors and I'm not."
"My recovery was smooth, and I've been cancer-free for 9 years. I was incredibly blessed. I didn't have to deal with chemo, or radiation. While those can save your life, they are also horrible experiences with nasty side effects. I didn't have to deal with any of them. I was bracing myself to have to. They said it was a possibility. But I didn't. I have every respect for those not as fortunate as me, and wish them all the best in recovery."
Reason #5,622 To Start Exercising
"I started jogging again to try and get back into running shape. I kept noticing that just after a mile or so, I'd stop and get REALLY lightheaded. Kept thinking, "oh, I'm really out of shape" and kept going. Went in a few weeks later for my annual physical and doctor said "you ever been told you have a heart murmur?", no. Two months later I spent Christmas of 2017 in the ICU after having a section of my aorta cut out and a new valve put in. Surgeon said it was bad. Said it wouldn't have made it too much longer."
"Edit: for clarification, it was an aortic dissection."
Slow And Steady
"My dad's friend went on a hike with a doctor who knew him and he was winded not far from the car. The doctor clocked it right away and told him to get his heart checked. He had 98% blockage in his heart arteries."
"He tells my dad so my dad gets the test to see how his arteries are doing and they found a massive aneurism on his aorta. He is getting it removed tomorrow. He had no symptoms but the doctors said if he had overdone it he would be dead before anyone would even know what was going on. Crazy how a random friend's hike may have saved his life."
It Takes A Village
"I never did, my teacher and parents did."
"I was seven, usually an active kid and my first grade teacher noticed that rather than running around at recess I sat down and took a nap. It happened a couple more times and after I fell asleep in class (totally out of character), she gave my parents a call, we had been visiting the doc fairly regularly cause I was also complaining of joint pain and frequent ear infections combined with the new symptoms and a new doc at the practice I was finally diagnosed with leukemia."
Thank goodness for that teacher (and of course, the parents)!
When in the beginning stages of dating, it's important to know as much as humanly possible.
The element of surprise is no longer a fun aspect of romance.
Ask the small questions. Ask the hard questions.
Interrogate. Grill. Investigate.
Of course, you should do it with a subtle hand instead of an interrogation lamp.
The truth is all we have.
Redditor RedditPenguin02 wanted to make a list of the best inquiries to make when starting a relationship, so they asked:
"What is a good question to ask before you start dating someone?"
From what I've learned in my past, always ask... "Are you into Buffy the Vampire Slayer? The TV show."
If it's a no, then it's a dealbreaker.
I DoShocked Schitts Creek GIF by CBCGiphy
"Are you married?"
"I would ask that. If they said no, the next question was 'Would your wife agree?'"
"If they laughed, they were telling the truth. If they got indignant and pissed off that I thought they were lying…they were married."
"Worked every time."
"Do you clap when the plane lands?"
"I swear people used to do this all the time when I was a kid (early 2000’s), and I don’t think I’ve heard anyone do it in 5+ years. I guess 9/11 really made people afraid of flying for about 10 years and then most folks decided they didn’t need to applaud when the plane landed safely?"
"Do you want kids in the future? If one person wants kids and the other wants to stay child-free, then they are not compatible. And it is better to try dating someone else."
"It confuses me whenever some couples who disagree on this end up in a conundrum because one expected the other to change their mind. This is something I bring up early cause I see no future with someone who wants kids when I do not."
"You should always put childfree on your dating profile. It's not a small thing. Either you agree on it or not. If I had to date, I would put childfree on my profile too."
Carb it on...
"Do you like bread? That is the extent of my flirting skills."
"Being German, bread is like a frickin' cultural phenomenon here, we have around 300 kinds of bread, there's a bread museum, every time I go on vacation I'm like yeah it's nice here but the bread ain't it yall, never as good as home lol. So yeah, valid question and the only answer to this is an enthusiastic yes."
Room TemperatureFrosty The Snowman Winter GIF by filmeditorGiphy
"What temperature do you set the thermostat to throughout the year?"
"Haha this one always gets me as someone who needs low temps - you can always put on more clothes, I can't peel my skin off to get cooler."
The thermostat is a dealbreaker for me.
It's gonna be 60. Love it or move on.
DiscoveryBlown Away Wow GIF by AminéGiphy
"When was the last time you changed your mind about something?
"Opens a window to how they think."
"If that was really early on in the dating I’d think it was a bit of a head-f**k question. I’d probably find that question a red flag, tone dependent, although I agree with the sentiment."
"Aside from major differences about finances, kids, politics, or religion, a big one is; What are your hobbies? If they don’t really have any, you may be the next hobby, which isn’t going to work unless you’ve got that kind of time. If the hobbies are time-consuming ones generally done with a SO."
"But you have no interest in them, that could be an issue as well. If only one of you likes camping, wanted to spend vacation lounging instead of exploring, didn’t like sports, etc either that partner is annoyed or the other feels like they don’t get to enjoy what they love."
"Ask them about their exes. If they think every single one of them is an a**hole... they are likely the real a**hole."
"I have mixed feelings about that - I've been in three previous relationships and all three were emotionally abusive towards me (one wasn't nearly as bad as the other two, though) in various ways. I know this is a common sentiment and it always makes me afraid that people won't believe me or something.
"I mean, I realize in your comment you said 'likely' and not '100% sure' and there's plenty of room for nuance."
"I would try to take care of any dealbreakers. If I find out that she has different political values than I do, it's not going to work out in the long run, so I wouldn't bother. Same thing with other factors (religion, financial values, etc.). I would also ask how much cuddling she likes to engage in, as I prefer a lot."
EssentialsTell Me More To Do List GIF by Disney ChannelGiphy
"When I was dating my three essential questions were always kids, sex, and money. If you're not on the same wavelength for any of those three things, just don't even try."
"So, how much personal debt do you have?"
"Source: the guy who dated a woman with huge debts and was asked to pay for everything and then some".
"After that, I'd go with, 'Have you ever been diagnosed with borderline, narcissistic, or histrionic personality disorders?"
The questions are basic.
Just ask for the truth.
Do you have any good Qs to add to the queue? Let us know in the comments below.
As much as we always hop for our dating efforts to be worth it and for every relationship to work out, we all know that some relationships are not destined to work out.
But sometimes relationships end for totally valid reasons, and sometimes the reasons are painful, if not devastating.
Redditor overIorded asked:
"What went wrong with your last partner?"
History Repeating Itself
"He cheated on me. And I was glad because that was finally reason enough to allow myself to leave."
"Now I know somebody who's in the same situation. They're trapped. And she's such a gentle and fun person who's afraid to leave him because 'well, it's always been like this, I'm used to it,' and 'I deserve it.'"
"She wants to leave him, she knows she should leave him, but it's so hard to do it, and I know that feeling."
"I'm thinking I should give her my phone number like when the day comes you've had enough, I'll gladly come to help you move out from that s**thole."
Mental Health Struggles
"I'm lost in my own trauma and mental illness and he deserves better than anything I have to offer right now."
"I’ve been on the receiving end of this, and mildly said, it absolutely ruined me. Her trauma and mental problems were BAD, but I still wanted to be with them. So if you ask me, as long as they can give you the space and support you need, and want to be with you, let them make the decision."
"It's also fair and mature to care very much about someone but realize that you only have the emotional bandwidth to take care of yourself right now."
"I'm sure it was very hard for both of you to come to terms with that decision. I don't think it's that he deserves better, I think it's that your attention needs to be on guiding yourself through this thicket of trauma and mental illness before you can be someone else's partner. You can love each other very much but also acknowledge that you don't have the tools to spare for a relationship right now."
"I'm proud of you for focusing on your own mental health and someday, when you have more emotional stability and energy, I hope you find a wonderful partner."
"We disagreed on how many women he was allowed to date. I’m very strong on monogamy and have no interest in someone (in a supposedly committed relationship) that isn’t."
At Least There's That
"Her psychotic brother tried to kill me. Thankfully he has a Stormtrooper's aim..."
"Hate the attempted murder, love the 'Star Wars' reference."
"He wanted a big family, like, six kids, all-natural. Obviously, he wouldn't be birthing them. This was very important to him while I was pretty ambivalent about kids, and the further into my adulthood I've gotten, the more I've realized I just don't want to be pregnant."
"I broke it off so we could both get the lives we wanted. He was also quite a bit more conservative than me, and at the time closeted pansexual person, and some stuff he believed just didn't line up with what I believed. It hurt, but it was amicable."
"Now he has a wife and kids like he wanted, and I am happily partnered and childfree. It worked out for the best."
"She hated that I had a healthy relationship with my family and was trying to find ways to sabotage it."
"Similar aspect to mine, she hated my sister and mother because she had a bad relationship with her sister and mother. She would get mad at me whenever I brought my family up."
"My last boyfriend dumped me because I got mad that he was coming to Dallas after I hadn't seen him for two months, but didn't want to see me."
"He was going to meet up with some friends of his he hadn't seen in a few months. I told him that was fine with me, but I felt he should make time to see me too since we hadn't seen each other in two months and we were supposed to be a couple."
"He responded to my anger by ghosting me. That was two years ago."
Distracted with a Punch
"A girl contacted me about him talking to her. I asked him what was going on, and he sucker-punched me in the face."
"He cheated on me for all six years we were together and then accused me of cheating on him, even though I wasn't allowed to leave the house."
"I'm also pretty sure he slept with my sister-in-law when my brother and I went to pick up dinner."
Children Come First
"He was and still is no father to his kids, has anger issues, and probably has other mental health issues. I tried for years to help him and help the relationship, but he wasn't having it. After seeing how my oldest suffered under him, I had to leave."
"I communicated how I felt about many things in the relationship. He never communicated about anything."
"Oh look, it's the last 14 years of my life..."
"I'm guilty of this, and boy, do I regret not being able to open up about my feelings. It cost me my marriage. But now I'm trying to be more open and share my thoughts and feelings. Just wished I could've done this earlier than later."
"I started drinking again and became a miserable a**hole due to my own depression and my s**tty job. As such, she didn't get the attention she deserved, and had to put up with my s**tty mood all the time... so she left. I don't blame her."
"So, it was me. I don't know if I trust myself with a relationship again, but aside from the shame of knowing I hurt someone who I loved, and loved me back, but I was too self-absorbed and selfish, I am trying to be a better human to everyone."
"And to my ex: You'll find someone again... someone better."
"He wanted to move to Alaska to be with some girl he was 'friends' with before me."
"My ex's early-onset Alzheimers (at the age of 50) and the resulting violence, paranoia, and irrational thinking. I tried to honor my vows, but he was so far out there, I feared for my life."
Different Definitions of Marriage
"She cheated on me after five years total together, the last one of which was while we were engaged. She cheated on me for months, all while I was planning the wedding, working part-time, and going to graduate school so I can support us comfortably in the future."
"I planned on giving her everything I could and sharing the rest of my life with her, and apparently she didn’t care."
This conversation just goes to show that relationships can end for all kinds of reasons. Even in relationships where there is still a lot of love and committment, the relationship can still end, just like how the relationship can end suddenly because of a surprising and devastating realization.