To be a so-called "nice guy" is "to be timidly chivalrous in public and wholeheartedly misogynistic in private," as one Redditor noted after a fellow member of the online community asked the women to share stories about their experiences with the "nice guys" who've left a mark on their dating lives.
"Has anyone ever given a "nice guy" a chance after they've thrown a tantrum because you didn't let them treat you like a queen? And if you did, how did it work out?" –– This was today's burning question from Redditor targetgoldengoose, and the replies were illuminating.
"I finally allowed him..."
I finally allowed him to take me on a date to breakfast. Figured midday would be ideal to meet up in public.
I offended him immediately when I spoke to the waitress. I said, "We have two" when she asked how many we had. He insisted that she was asking him, not me, and I emasculated him in public. I laughed it off as a joke. I grew up with all brothers. Surely, he was trying to be funny.
We sat down. The waitress asked for our order. I gave her mine. He groaned and asked her to come back in a second. He told me proper protocol was for me to discuss what I wanted to eat with him, allow him to make the decision, and he was supposed to relay that to the waitress - not me!
I told him he was crazy and left. Blocked his number. Ghosted completely.
"It got to the point..."
I dated a "nice guy" for three years. First he did treat me like a queen. Put me up on a pedestal, flattered me, bought me things. He made me feel really good about myself and more confident.
Then, it changed because my confidence was a threat. The name calling started, fights over nothing, insane jealousy. He wore me down until I felt like nothing. I hadn't done anything sexual or even dated prior to meeting him. He threw a tantrum until I did all the things he wanted even if I was crying or saying no. He consistently expressed how he wished it was acceptable to hit me and let his mother berate and slap me.
It got to the point where he'd pick me up at 7am (I couldn't drive at the time), drop me off at his house, take my cell phone and leave me there until he got out of work. After making me quit my job and trying to get me to quit school, I realized I didn't want this to be my life every day. I was isolated from my friends and family, depressed, and expected to take care of his needs without anything in return. I finally got the confidence to break it off. Turns out he was cheating on me too. He threatened to kill me and any "guy he saw me with". Harassed and stalked me for years. He told everyone I was a whore and I left him because of his weight and how he was such a "nice guy" to me.
"Absurdly, insanely..."
Oooh, finally my time to... shine? I guess? In high school I briefly dated a "nice guy" (complete with an actual fedora in 2000 before they were really a thing - thanks art school!) I had been in a really horrible, abusive relationship with a guy in his 20s just before, and in fairness my "nice guy" then-friend had been instrumental in helping me to realize how f*cked up our vibe was and helping me to leave an objectively horrible situation.
He then promptly swooped in and started pushing for romantic intimacy between us. He never actually declared feelings - he was never that straightforward about his own thoughts and desires - just talked about the way I deserved to be treated (like a queen, obvs) and made it clear he felt he was the only one who would give me that. Many of my friends were pushing for it as well - he was nice, afterall, and my previous boyfriends had been so objectively awful.
I felt a lot of obligation and kind of went along on autopilot. There was a lot of negotiation around anything sexual - "I treat you so well, don't you want to?" from him and "I know you want to treat me like a lady so you'll be okay to take it slow" from me. One of the hardest parts was that he clearly wasn't out to hurt me or to f*ck me. The sexual acts between us (we never slept together, but did other things that seemed like a huge deal to teenaged me) were only a demonstration - proof that I loved him. That was what he wanted. But I didn't, and I really thought that meant there was something wrong with me.
In the end, I only lasted about a month. He decorated my locker, brought flowers, and left notes for me taped to my desk in each of my classes to "celebrate" our one month anniversary. I was mortified. My math teacher caught a good look at my face (before I managed to plaster a smile back on) as I opened the note he had left in her class. She asked me to stay back after for what turned out to be one of the most important talks in my life (Mrs. Brown, just the best). I felt panicked, telling her over and over how happy and lucky I was. She kept asking questions until I burst into tears and it all just came out. I don't really remember what all she said, but I remember her saying "it's okay to be alone." She said it over and over, like Robin Williams going "it's not your fault" in Good Will Hunting.
And soon enough I was. I broke up with him - kindly but firmly, and about 5 different times before he accepted it. He cried. He got angry. Absurdly, insanely, his mom called my mom, who dropped the hammer on her in a way I haven't seen before or since. I took a ton of sh!t at school for "breaking his heart" and "ruining his life" but I felt so free that I didn't really mind. I dated around, but didn't have a "boyfriend" again until I was 21. It was, truly, okay (and important, and necessary) to be alone.
"I finally hit a pretty low point..."
I had a guy who would constantly ask me out or make really awkward advances for like a year +
I finally hit a pretty low point after coming out of a relationship and agreed to go out on a date. He seemed actually kind of nice and we ended up dating and lived together for a bit. It all turned sour though, when he realised that all his "cute punk girl" bullshit he had projected on to me wasn't who i am and I wasn't changing to what he wanted me to be, and then all of a sudden he was out with friends constantly and coming home drunk.
The morning he came home, around 6am, telling me he kissed another woman finally woke me up and i left him.
He would still send me messages for months after we broke up, not acknowledging my replies saying i have a boyfriend and it's inappropriate to say these things..
Even now if i unblock him from social media I'll get a message within a few days saying things like:
"Hey, still beautiful i see" or "Hey cutie/sweetie" etc etc and he gets blocked again.. ugh.
"To clarify..."
Met a guy online and he seemed really nice. He was a tad pushy about meeting up but I ignored that little feeling. We met up shortly after for a quick date (I think we got coffee) and chatted. It was instant chemistry, he had 2 sons and i have 2 kids, both open to blended families, goal oriented, smart, easy conversation. We decided to go out again the next night, really nice date and he was a complete gentleman. He mentioned on the date we'd have to get the kids together to see if they like each other. I laughed it off, like "yeah maybe down the road, we just met" and continued the date. Two days later, during our texting I casually mentioned I was going to take my kids on a nature walk and I'd text him when I was back. He shows up with his kids.
Now, I dont have it in me to be mean to children so I played nice and introduced myself (they were around 5 and 7, and very sweet boys) but inside I was creeped the f*ck out. After we parted ways I called him and told him that was not cool AT ALL. Of course, he played victim and hurt until i said i was uncomfortable with what he did.. then it was "I'm just trying to love you and your kids", "how can we be together if they dont meet" and "you should appreciate a man trying with a woman with 2 kids"... as if he didnt have 2 his damn self. He sent angry messages for about a week, I never would respond and he went away.
To clarify, this all happened in a 2 week span. From start to finish.
"He seemed nice and was happy..."
I dated one for 2 years. He seemed nice and was happy when I first started dating him cause girls "didn't give him a chance due to his looks'. He was very needy and always demanded we do what he wanted. I missed out on a lot of things, including missing out going to see Phantom of the Opera with his mom, because he didn't want to go and would get sick at the last minute.
When I lost my virginity to him, he didn't realize he wasn't ready for something like that till after we had sex. About a year and a half into our relationship he got religious. So then, whenever we had sex, he would want is to pray for forgiveness afterwards. But if I refused sex, I was a cold b!tch.
I actually left him for a female partner, (I am bi) and that's when I realized that it was a super unhealthy relationship.
"He didn't throw a tantrum..."
He didn't throw a tantrum but other people convinced me that I need to start giving the nice guys a chance. I didn't really find him attractive but he was really nice to me so I was just like okay fine... And then on to two years of a toxic abuse relationship. Where he was always right, always belittling me, always reminding me that anytimeI felt uncomfortable with something or upset about something, it wasn't because he was doing something wrong, it was because I had an abusive childhood and I just didn't understand what real relationships were like.... I went to bed crying every night. I remember he never wanted to have sex expect.... The only times he wanted to have sex was after he broke me down and I cried myself to sleep then he'd come to bed saying "I just love you so much. You're so amazing. The best." I felt so unloved and desperate for affection I'd have sex with him but feel so empty and alone afterwards. It wasn't until I was free of that relationship I realized how fucked up it was.... I'm still trying to forgive myself for allowing myself to be in that situation for so long.
I'm so happy I escaped.
"If I was out with friends..."
Yes. The tantrums continued throughout the relationship. He was very controlling. If I was out with friends he would be upset that I was having fun without him. He ended up cheating on me and dumping me only to beg me back. He semi staked me for a couple of years. Had an online blog about what I did each day and tried to befriend my exes.
"It got so bad..."
Dated a guy for a few months. From the beginning though, he was just embarrassing. We had mutual friends, and he would spend full outings, parties, weekend trips voicing his disbelief that I would date him. Telling people how lucky he was in a self deprecating way that was gross, that he has "won the lotto" and I was "out of his league", no matter how many times I asked him to quit it as he did it every single time we were in public.
It got so bad that his best friend actually snapped and told him in the middle of a self deprecating rant how embarrassing it was and to look at how uncomfortable he was making me. That started a huge argument about "but she's a queen, I'm just treating her like one!". When I had the audacity to agree with his best friend, full cry melt down. In front of everyone. To the point where people left a paid wknd early because he made everyone so uncomfortable.
Broke up with him that wknd, the break up lasted for hours with me begging him to gtfo of my house while he cried and cried and cried about how he treats me so well, how could I do this to him. Then it turned to rage. Had to block him on everything when I started dating someone months later, a lot of friends blocked him as well when they found out he was stalking me (parking outside my home for hours, etc).
I was naive. And dumb. Looking back, I wish I had been aware enough to recognize emotional manipulation. If you're dating someone and they act like you're doing them a favour, don't date that person.
Do you have something to confess to George? Text "Secrets" or "
- Women Who've Given The 'Nice Guy' A Chance Break Down How It Actually Went - George Takei ›
- The Worst 'Nice Guy' Tantrums Women Have Ever Witnessed From Someone They Dated - George Takei ›
When we're intoxicated, or even the slightest bit tipsy from having a little too much to drink, our immediate perspective on things is hazy.
But there's nothing like a bit of alarming news or a jarring incident to snap us out of the fog and focus on the moment.
Sometimes alcohol isn't always to blame for our impairment.
It can be a state of mind, like a perpetual numbness from being complacent in life, and all it takes is one shocking moment to rattle us back to our senses.
Curious to hear from strangers online about this type of scenario, Redditor Known_Challenge_7150 asked:
"What’s one thing that sobered you up real quick?"
These individuals were witness to shocking events that sobered them up right quick.
Bleeding Out
"Got out of a taxi and found a naked man profusely bleeding from his head crawling up the driveway in my condo. Called him an ambulance completely forgot I was absolutely wasted until 45 minutes later when I'd helped him translate and in to an amublance and stepped in my front door."
"Later a few days later learned he'd slipped in the tub and literally crawled out for help. Poor dude. He was fine but I genuinely thought he was going to die there."
– DongLaiCha
Tragic News
"At a bachelor party and we got a phone call that the groom’s father had suddenly passed."
– accountnameredacted
Bottom Of The Barrel
"I went to visit my parents back in July. I was homeless and deep into fentanyl addiction so I lost a lot of weight. My folks could see it. They knew something was up. Anyway, I spent the night and I was getting ready to leave in the morning and I looked at myself in the mirror for a good long time. I finally had enough and told them everything. They took me to detox, from there I went to rehab. Graduated in August and been living with them ever since then. I have 160 days clean and sober."
– Crotch-Monster
A reality check can be enough for some people to snap out of it.
Like Father, Like Son
"Was driving a drunk friend home, he had been on a bender again and was smart enough to call me for a lift rather than try and drive. As I helped in to his house his mother came down the stairs and said 'your as drunk as your father' and went back upstairs. I haven't seen him drunk since then, he still drinks but the thought of turning into his dad scared him out of hard drinking."
– psycospaz
Busted
"Flashing blue lights."
– FiddleOfGold
"This sobered me up just thinking about it."
– redmaple_syrup
Losing Sight
"Woke up to no sight in one eye. I had cataract surgery so just thought one of the lenses had slipped and it was an easy fix. Eye doc says nope, you had a stroke. I loved soy sauce, teriyaki sauce and salty food, which caused high blood pressure, which caused retina damage. Over six months was able to get most of my eyesight back with medication, and all back within a year. Trying to navigate life with one eye was very sobering. Started taking HBP much more seriously."
– MissHibernia
Quitting The Bottle
"Looked up someone I went to highschool with who was an awesome guy. Found out he had been dead for 3 years from alcoholism, at age 33. I made an overnight change. I hadn't started drinking that night yet, 10 months ago. Haven't touched it again since."
– omgtater
These disturbing moments were enough for Redditors to immediately come to their senses.
Unplanned House Guests
"Me and a buddy Woke up in someone’s living room, realized neither one of us knew the people, they were just nice and let 2 drunk guys sleep on their living room floor. We didn’t even say goodbye."
– Oneinsevenbillion75
Serious Health Warning
"Elevated liver enzymes."
"And the knowledge that this sh** was gonna kill me and I just couldn't orphan my family over it."
"So I opted for recovery, instead."
"Clean and sober since June 5, 2009."
– Far_Meal8674
The Joyride
"Grew up in a rural area. The little town hosted dances at the hockey arena, everyone (adults and kids) went and they overserved everyone, regardless of age. I was maybe 16 or 17 and was absolutely sh*tfaced, and jumped in the back of someone's truck with about 8 other people to go back to someone's cottage for after dance drinking. The driver (still don't know who it was) started racing one of his buddies and we whipped around small dirt roads, flying around blind corners on the wrong side of the road, going god knows how fast. It was basically a disaster waiting to happen. It was crazy scary and I was sober and thankful to be alive when we finally arrived."
– foxfood9116
The human psyche is a fascinating thing, isn't it?
How we can automatically focus on something urgent at a crucial time, even after getting buzzed from drinking too much alcohol.
But as we're in the thick of the holidays, it's a good reminder to drink responsibly and stay off the roads if you drive to your celebratory destination.
Cheers. Stay safe. And happy holidays.
We've all complained or vented about something in our lives which, in the grand scheme of things, wasn't exactly a problem, or is very easily solved.
Then there are those who complain about things that others almost hope will happen to them at some point in their lives.
These are known as "first world problems", as they are problems that pretty much only the world's one percent faces.
From having to fly business class instead of first class, or being served Roederer instead of Dom Pérignon, these complaints are often met with amusement, bewilderment, or even anger.
Redditor jennimackenzie was curious to hear the most absurd "first world problems" anyone ever complained about, leading them to ask:
"What’s the most ridiculous 'first world problem' you’ve seen people get worked up over?"
"Tale As Old As Time..."
"I once knew a mom who was legitimately devastated, to the point of tears/grief, because a doctor predicted her 8 year old daughter's final height to be around 5'2","
"Which wasn't tall enough to get cast as Belle at Disney World."
"That was the child's (and her mother's) only dream in life, apparently."
"Didn't appreciate my suggestion that she could be Minnie or Mickey."
"Lol!"
"Only a face character would do!"- TravelLovingMom
"Must Be Funny, In A Rich Man's World..."
"My boss from about a decade ago was this insanely rich dude who always went to the bank to get fresh and crisp currency."
"He'd call the bank in advance to make sure they had some on hand."
"I think he was a germaphobe."
"He had a trash can that he'd throw $1 and $5 bills in that he thought was 'dirty' and regularly just donated it vs spending it."
"I asked him why he did this and he said it was too much trouble and asked if I wanted it."
"I said f*ck yeah dumped it into my bag and when I got home it was close to $400 in singles and fives.
"Another time, he wanted to upgrade all the computers in his studio, so we went to a store and bought 10 PCs."
"They all had $150 mail in rebates and he wasn't bothered to go through the trouble of mailing them in."
"3 weeks later I received $1500 after spending a whole afternoon filling out all those goddamn forms."- azninvasion2000
Money Burn GIF by nog
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Who Wore It Better?
"When I was about 19 years old, I was at my boyfriends family BBQ."
"I was wearing this pretty floral sundress."
"His cousins girlfriend showed up in the same dress and she was SO mad that she went and changed."
"I will never understand being upset when someone is wearing the same thing as you.'
"Did you really think that your shirt you bought off the rack is going to be unique to you?"
"No."- mertsey627
Seeing Red! Or Blue In This Case...
"The blue of the balloons wasn't quite the same as the bridesmaid's sashes."
"Years ago my wife and I attended a wedding."
"It was very low key."
"The dinner was in the dining hall at the university where the couple met, cinder block walls and all."
"It was a Baptist wedding - no booze and very serious."
"The dark blue balloons attempting to liven up the hall were a slightly darker shade of blue than the sashes on the bridesmaid's dresses."
"The bride lost here sh*t and absolutely raved for nearly an hour."
"I can't remember how they finally managed to talk her down."- mechant_papa
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See You In Court!
"Rich neighbors who end up in expensive court battles because they disagree about where a tree can be planted or whether the color of a fence fits in with the street’s 'amenity'."
'These disputes get really heated and rack up huge lawyers’ bills."
"The most pathetic part is after the judgement when they are arguing about who should pay the other party’s costs."
"Lots of affidavits filed citing the 'emotional distress' they had to endure, or painting themselves as brave warriors who were forced to take a stand to fight for 'justice'."
"Also lots of pompous litigants insisting that the judge refer to them by their 'Dr' title."
"An absolutely insane dumpster fire of entitled rich people problems."- ElectrocRaisin
It's Always People With Money Who Don't Want To Pay!
"I work in a public library."
"People will get so so mad if they have to be put on a wait list for a book."
"A popular book that just came out."
"Ok our services are not only free but so are the books."
"You’re welcome, a**holes."- Switchbladekitten
A Warm Butt Is A Happy Butt!
"My own."
"We have a bidet toilet seat (Fabulous! Everyone should have one!) and not only does it wash your bum and blow dry it, but the seat's heated!"
"It's shocking how much a heated toilet seat makes the whole process more agreeable."
"Except: We had a power outage and I went to use the toilet and the seat was cold!"
"Unacceptable!"
"This shall not stand!"
"I was really upset because it didn't feel good."
"Then I stopped and thought: This is the most first-world problem anyone's ever had."
"I was really pissed because my heiny was tepid."
"I got over it."- DeathGrover
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Holy Matrimony!
"Weddings are a gold mine for this question."
"People get so hyped up over their 'most important day of their life'."
"They'll destroy friendships, go into debt, and have crazy expectations."
"It's not always the couple who go crazy, either."
"Sometimes, it's the parents or another family member who feels entitled to control the wedding."
"It's just a party."
"Be considerate of guests, have plenty of food and drinks, and enjoy it."- magicrowantree
When Fast Food Isn't Fast Enough...
"Having to pull off to the side to wait for a drive-thru order to be brought out to you because your food isn't ready and there's a line building up behind you."- demanbmore
In Case You Don't Think Customer Service Employees Are Undervalued...
"I was working the return desk at a Target next to a military base so I have so many stories."
"One of my favorites was a lady who had her baby shower before revealing the gender and was livid that she had received floral newborn diapers when she’s having a boy."
"It was a huge box of super expensive, all organic diapers, that we didn’t carry and therefore could not return."
"I cannot accurately express her fury and disgust."
"How dare either suggest her boy could wear feminine diapers."
"I suggested she donate them if she didn’t want to use them and she instead threw away the entire box."
"When she left we pulled it out and threw it in our donate bin."
"There have also been multiple times where mom’s order massive toys and when we bring them out to the car they get furious that they aren’t wrapped."
"We don’t offer wrapping services."
"Here’s the thing, if you don’t want your kids to see the toys you got them for Christmas or their bit to day DON'T BRING THE CHILD WHEN YOU PICK IT UP."
'I’ve had multiple women scream and curse me out that I had ruined their kids Christmas by bringing the toys they ordered out to the car like they requested."- clever-mermaid-mae
Customer Service Waiting GIF by Juno Calypso
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Happiest Place On Earth!
"I used to work for Disney."
"That in itself should tell you everything."
"However for fun I'll give you two specific stories one form our tech department and one from my wife who worked bookings."
"I specifically worked for their call center to help with technical issues with magic band and the website."
"Suddenly got worse huh?"
"A right of passage call everyone has at least one story of is the 'Dome call'."
"Basically there is a subset of Disney Guest (TM) that believes if it rains at Walt Disney world there is someone that will push a button to encapsulate the whole of Disney property in a dome to keep out the rain."
"I'm not kidding."
"If this button is not pushed they call our tech department to angrily ask why."
"My wife worked booking."
"Pretty much everything including Bibbidi Bobbidi boutique and Pirate's league."
"These two things did roughly the same thing difference being price and theme."
"BBB was expensive did more and was focused on princesses, pirates league did a bit less and focused on mermaids and pirates."
"Lady called up my wife, and got pissed about BBB being booked up (It goes FAAAAST)."
"Karen: 'Im going to give the phone to my daughter and I want you to tell her how you are ruining her vacation by not letting her do BBB'."
"Wife proceeds to explain how pirate's league is so much cooler and how she can be a mermaid or pirate and basically gets the kid to start demanding to their parents about how they want to be a mermaid instead of a princess."- trollsong
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The horror!
Being booked into a junior suite at Disney World instead of an executive suite!
It's almost as bad as having no money for groceries, or no food to feed you children...
Said absolutely no one.