Survivors Of Stalkers Share Their Experiences
Photo by Sydney Sims on Unsplash

Stalkers are a special kind of scary.

That is just a cold, hard fact of life that we must deal with.

And for some reason, these people get fixated on others.

They think they're in love... meanwhile we're calling the police and moving cities.

There is nothing more horrifying than having your life held hostage by someone.

Redditor rentinghappiness wanted to see who would be willing to discuss what it took to live through this scary life experience. They asked:

"People who have had a stalker, how did you realize you were being stalked and what ended up happening?"

I was had an ex who wouldn't take the hint. Keep my phone blowing up for months. I'm lucky though, finally they gave up. Others haven't been as fortunate.

“this is not goodbye”

"It was my ex. When we broke up it was all very dramatic and he got on a bus across the country the same day for whatever reason and sent a long message from the bus ending with 'this is not goodbye' I said 'yes it is, good luck.' Two years later I met my now husband and I suppose he moved back after 3 years. I started seeing him everywhere."

"He followed the two of us around Walmart for 45 minutes until I just posted up near a security guard and slipped out as he tried to wait for me to get away from the security guard. Then I saw him wandering around near my mother's house, but I had at that point moved in with my husband."

"Then I saw him outside of my work. He was clearly trying to get the courage to come in and he was also very clearly high. Some of the regular police officers came in by chance for their coffee and he left when they arrived. Then he figured out the general location where I was living and I saw him sort of wandering around a few times. I didn’t go home when I saw him, I went and sat in a public place for a few hours."

"Then I changed places of work and I saw him outside about three times. I was near a major transportation hub so I tried to ignore it. But when he started doing the pacing/tweaking/chain smoking thing again I figured I oughta do something so I waited for a family friend I knew would be in who was pretty domineering and I knew would go to bat for me and let him know who it was and what he was doing."

"He went outside and told my ex off I suppose. And scared him I guess cause he left quite quickly. My family friend was a bus driver so I gave him a picture and he shared it with some drivers along my regular route and as long as I stuck to that route the few more times I saw him trying to get on my bus we drove right past him or the wrong door opened to let people off and not let him on."

"We finally moved again and I quit my job because I had been bouncing around the same chain and was easy to find. Since then I have seen him once but he didn’t see me and I think it was unrelated because he actually bought something. I just sat in the camera room and watched till he left. It’s been an additional 5 years now so I assume he has figured himself out."

"I got an air of doom every time I saw him. He was kind when we dated, never abusive. But he was anti drugs and anti smoking and so seeing him high and things like that set off alarm bells. I know he was not well when he returned. I don’t know what would have happened had he gotten close to me. Maybe nothing. But every bone in my body was screaming danger. So I trusted my gut and took steps to maintain distance and I was okay. The police wouldn't have done anything. No threats were uttered and we were always in public. But all in all it turned out ok."


Why are you up so late?

"I had a stalker in high school, and he didn't make it a secret."

"We were friends at first, kind of talking romantically, but I was very shy when it came to relationships or being physical. We had never even kissed before when he asked if he could send a song he wrote about me. It made me very uncomfortable and I asked him not to send it, but he did anyway. I expressed my discomfort and tried to continue the friendship, but it was just not working because he would still write me poems and send me weird songs."

"He started following me to my classes even though his were on the other side of school, but he wouldn't speak to me at all. It was insanely uncomfortable. This continued for weeks. He started sending me mean messages anonymously online and sending me songs with scary titles. He sent me that Smith's song The More You Ignore Me, The Closer I Get every single day, sometimes multiple times."

"Then one day at lunch he gave me a hand written poem and, I can't remember what all it said but the end was something about how he wanted to watch me get eaten alive by sharks. While friends, I had told him sharks were my biggest fear. I showed my teacher the poem and she freaked out and took it to the guidance counselor. She knew all the previous incidents so the letter made her worried. Especially how his handwriting changed when he was writing about me dying."

"I ended up getting called into a meeting with the principal, a guidance counselor, and the teacher I told. They even called my mom in and we all sat down and talked about what would be the best thing to do. The principal was really nervous he would do something crazy, so he said I should just avoid him as much as possible and be polite anytime we may interact. Basically how I was already handling it."

"I'm not sure if they ever spoke to him about it, but the last interaction I had with him still creeps me out to think about. I was up very late, and received a text from him, 'Why are you up so late? You should get ready for bed.' He had been to my place once before and I lived very close to the school. I'll always wonder if he was outside my house that night."


I may be paranoid...

"It started while I was still in high school, he would be in a few of my classes and we would occasionally see each other around town (a very small, rural town). It slowly turned into him showing up at some of my friend group's hangout spots and saying that I had inspired him to start looking into similar hobbies. We thought it was kinda weird but just brushed it off and avoided him."

"Flash forward a couple weeks into the start of summer vacation. He had found or followed me to all of my favorite places and my work even though both were sometimes towns over from our own. I would see his car at parks where I did outdoor painting, at my place of work as well as at friends' houses, and he would drive passed the house of the family I nannied for during my days on."

"I thought it was creepy and told local authorities, but they told me not to worry. This went on for the rest of high school and up until graduation. I didn't tell anyone what university I was going to and lied claiming it was one hours away from mine. He was accepted and attended there while I left for another. He found out after a semester that I wasn't there and showed up at my dorm hall."

"He tried to break in and convince me and other people in the building to just let him in. I hid out in another girl's room until my friend was able to pick me up and take me to her boyfriend's off-campus apartment. I found out he was arrested the next morning for assaulting an RA. I called and showed them the evidence I had for his persistent stalking and finally filed a restraining order."

"He just got released a few months ago and I have never been more nervous. I'm just happy my current job and living area has amazing security and they all have pictures and his information to be safe. I may be paranoid, but better safe than end up on a true-crime podcast."


From Church!

"He followed me home from church! He left long letters on my car every night for about a week. He was a lot older than me. The police spoke with him and he left town. I know how lucky I am that it was so simple. It was a small college town. I only know what the police told me, which was that they located him through the letters and the description of his car, found out he was not a resident, and told him there would be charges if he didn't move on."

"I realized he had followed me home the first day, so I parked at a different house and even walked into the back yard to try to throw him off. I didn't have a garage so when he came back to the neighborhood it wasn't hard for him to see my car and he started leaving the letters."


leave her alone...

"My wife did, it became a real problem. He was a maintenance man at the school where she taught. She was throwing out a lot of old, damaged books, he asked if could have them for his kids, of course. After that he wanted to always be there, wherever my wife was, he was always sweeping or cleaning near her room."

"Then one day in the winter, my wife got a flat right after leaving school, it was getting dark and her new best friend is there to fix it. While changing the tire, he started asking sexual questions, he wanted to know if she ever had a black man. Of course she said nothing."

"It got worse and the school administration was ignoring it, I was now going way out of my way to take her and to pick her up from school, she was scared. Then he said something to her while she was eating in the cafeteria, she lost it, she just started screaming and crying for him to leave her alone."

"They sent her home for a few days paid leave. Since the school was no help I went to see 2 school board members I knew, but not well. I told them that I had hired an attorney and would be suing the school district unless my wife felt safe. They moved the custodian to another school, but it took months before my wife felt safe. The custodian got in trouble at the next school and was arrested. We never heard from him again."


Well that is a mess of scary. How are people allowed to act out like this?

“you again?”

"I have a weird kind of related story… there is a man in my town that for the last 15 years I see him constantly, almost everywhere I go he’s there, at least 3 times a month… the grocery store, the corner store, the gas station, Walmart, the liquor store… occasionally we catch each other’s eye and look at each other like 'you again?' and kinda laugh it off."

"It has come to be a little bit of a joke where I will come home and tell my husband 'guess who I saw at the store today?' The only catch, he’s always at these places first!!! so it’s ME who looks like the stalker!"



"I worked as a secretary at an adult school when I was 18. An adult student kept bothering me taking pictures of me outside the office etc... I quit that job and got him banned from the school. Fast forward 3 years later I’m in a relationship 6 months pregnant and I’m working at a drs office."

"A police officer shows up and tells me I’ve had a private investigator on me for a few weeks but he reported his client to the police because his client said he was my husband but the PI after following me for a few weeks figured out he wasn’t and was stalking me. He went to jail for a few days never heard from him again it’s been 19 yrs... freaky a** crap."



"He wasn’t subtle about it. He threatened me by phone and email, followed a moving truck to my new apartment, ignored police instructions to stop contacting me multiple times, then contacted me through other people, showed up in random places in my new city."

"It only stopped after he got arrested for assault (on someone else) and ultimately moved to a different city, where he was again arrested for assault. That last part I only know because I was regularly looking him up on court records to see if he was free."


Be careful out there. Stay aware of the people around you.

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