Self reflection is hard - it's the sort of thing that's so difficult that quite a few people never get around to it. There's always the risk of realizing that the bad guy in the story was, in fact, you.
It's said that no matter how good of a person you try to be, you're going to be the villain in someone's story.
Reddit user BlackSand_GreenWalls asked:
Realizing it can be heartbreaking, terrifying, disappointing and hurtful. But it can also be the catalyst to some of the biggest and most important changes we can ever make as people. Read through some of these stories from people who realized they weren't exactly the great partner they thought they were.
"I Was A Gift"
I realized a year after breaking up with my high school sweetheart (I broke up with him) that I was the main reason that relationship wasn't going anywhere.
He always acted like he couldn't get anywhere without me and that gave me a fat head, making me feel like I was a gift over him and he would do things and change for me because I was already so good to him. Looking back I realized I never made him feel special or do anything to help build him up or motivate him to get his sh!t together. We were young and he should, of course, be responsible for himself but my attitude was never going to help things.
I reached out to him a while ago and apologized for it. He seemed grateful and had his own regrets about our relationship. He seems to be in a much better place in his new one!! I'll always be glad because he was always a friend till we broke up and I wish him all the best.
I make a point now with my fiance to show my support to him, and make him feel special and tell him how attractive he is to me and make my feelings known. Instead of just complaining at him when I want change and not making the effort myself and expecting results.
- Mistril
Big Tipper
GiphyI make up for it in my own way now by tipping 30%.
I used to criticize her for "only" being a waitress instead of using her intellect for good.
Sorry, Daniel
11 years on and I still get so much anxiety over it. He was the nicest guy you could ever meet and I was a headcase who broke his heart and said some horrible things. Years and therapy later, understanding my own demons has made things make sense. It's not excuse, but I know more of why I acted that way.
I keep wanting to contact him and apologize profusely, but I think it would be a bit too crazy. I'm sorry, Daniel. If you knew how many nights I literally lay awake hating myself, you'd know how truly sorry I am.
Friendships Are Relationships, Too
Not a 'romantic relationship', but my only friend in elementary school was quite literally the only kid lower on the "bullying" totem pole than I was. He was the target of everybody in the school, I was the target of everybody in the school except him; my response, being a f*cking 8 year old, was to partake in bullying him from time to time to try and "fit in" with the other kids.
I moved away a few years later but, honestly, knowing you were that much of a piece of sh*t never really leaves you. You can try to cope, try to alleviate their pain as much as possible, but when they respond to you with "It's fine, I forgive you, have a good life." and sh*t like that it's just a sting that never leaves.
At the very least, I've learned from it but that's all I can really do.
Two Villains
I was awful to my ex. I didn't know how to deal with the situation I'd been forced to deal with. I was supporting her entirely through her heroin addiction. I didn't have any room in the relationship to discuss my own problems, because hers took up all the space in the relationship. I would lash out at her, and it was incredibly tumultuous. We would get into fights all the time about stupid shit, and it wasn't healthy from either side. I was self medicating with alcohol, and wasn't dealing with my depression, anxiety, or ptsd at all, until it was too late and I did things that I couldn't take back. I got violent with her one night.
I've stopped drinking since then, and I have a therapist I go to. As time goes on, I'm starting to realize that I was the villain just as much as she was. I've asked for forgiveness, but that's not really good enough. I had to change my behavior, otherwise it would've been hollow.
I'm not speaking to her, and haven't talked to her in roughly 6 months. I need space and time, and spacetime to work on myself. She's presumably doing well though. She's halfway through a nursing program, and working a full time job. These are things she was completely incapable of while we were in a relationship, so I'm incredibly proud of her.
High School
Yes, but my sh*tty behavior was in high school, so I shouldn't be surprised. By the time I realized what I did was sh*tty, I had already grown as a person and matured.
I was controlling and emotionally manipulative, but I did not even realize it at the time. I wasn't the worst possible person, but I felt like we had to be in constant contact. I would sulk and guilt her if I didn't get my way on things. During the break-up itself I vague-posted (not that vague) about her on social media and accused her of betrayal and being heartless.
I was just scared and insecure in my first real relationship. She was right to break it off, and looking back she did everything she could to make it as painless as possible. I did not take it well though, and probably made her life a bit miserable for a few months. At the time I just could not understand how the couldn't love me. In hind sight, that might be the stupidest f*cking thing I have ever thought.
As for coping? I feel like being able to see how I was sh*tty and knowing that I would not do such things again means I have grown as a person. I am not that person anymore. I also realize I was a kid and I was still learning how to be a functional balanced person. I also realize that it seemed like a much bigger deal to me then, than any relationship might today. Not an excuse, but I can understand how that might contribute to my skewed view at the time.
The Fresh Prince Rap
GiphyWhen I was like 16 I was dating a really great guy, but I wasn't ready for the level of serious relationship he was trying to give me. So I did the only natural thing and broke up with him in a rap.
It was to the tune of the fresh Prince of Bel Air and it seemed like a great idea at the time. The breakup had to happen, I wasn't ready for what he was offering. He really was an amazing guy and a great boyfriend, I just wish I would have handled it differently.
Zach. I'm so sorry. I honestly think this is the worst thing I've ever done.
Gaslighting
Realizing now that I sort of gaslighted her a bit when I always felt like I did a decent job of being a boyfriend. Learning from work and friends to shut up, take criticism, and hold actual conversations with them on how I can improve or learn from my mistakes. Not every critique is an attack.
Dumb 15 Year Old
I had an ex I hurt a lot when I was 15. Just didn't appreciate her enough. Wasn't attentive, openly talked about other girls while I was with her, just being a real immature dick. I was 15 and somehow landed a girl a year older and much more beautiful than I deserved. I let it go to my head, go figure.
We talked years later. I really wanted her back, but she couldn't see past what I did as a dumb 15 year old.
I guess when it happens that young, you just can't erase it. Obviously we all grow, and now about 15 years after I'm of course nothing like the boy I was back then, but some things are just the way they are, and some memories will just cloud everything.
I saw her last Christmas with a boyfriend. She looked happy and I really hope she is. She definitely deserves the world.
Hindsight Is Strong
The relationship has been over for years but I still haven't been able to even consider getting into another one. I'm too scared of being that person again. The idea is crippling.
I am sick of being the narcissistic ogre who discounted all of her problems and only wanted to think about me and mine. I am also massively afraid of being like that again because hindsight is strong but present sight is weak.
No Obligation To Accept
Yes. I tried to apologize (months later, not years) and he basically said that he hoped saying that made me feel better but he didn't want to ever hear from me again. I learned a really important lesson about the way I treat people and the fact that some things can't be fixed.
He may not have been ready or willing to accept it or forgive you, but if your apology was sincere and meaningful, it was still good of you to do it. Even if it doesn't matter to him now, one day he may look back on it and appreciate that you apologized. I hope it's able to give you some closure and peace. You did the only thing that can be done after the fact, and it sounds like you have learned and grown. That's all anyone can do.
Yes but he seems to be doing much better now with his new girlfriend and every time I've tried to initiate a conversation he shuts it down. So I let him live his life.
I've come to understand exactly what I did in that relationship and I try not to repeat it in future ones.
I've been on the receiving end of this multiple times. They break up and say horrible sh!t to destroy me. Then a few months later I'll get calls and texts asking for me not to hate them or think they are a bad person and how I "taught them how to be treated" and whatnot....
What it comes down to is that people that treat their partners shitty are sh!tty selfish people and when they try to ask for forgiveness, it's not for you, it's for their own selfish needs.
My current ex just sent me a big text apologizing for how she treated me a couple days ago. I've been on the fence about responding or not because I feel like she's at another low point and is looking for validation. I appreciate her apology but I don't feel the need to answer.
Loved The Distraction
My ex doesn't want to talk to me at all. I think it was entirely my fault. I try to be a good guy and respect women and people in general.
Thing is that I didn't know how to handle my insecurities, I didn't communicate and I didn't strive to improve the relationship. Also, I think I used her to forget about my problems and as a distraction. That's a big no no...
I thought I loved that girl - but as time goes by I'm starting to think that maybe I loved what she was (distraction, fun) and not her.
The breakup was about 7 months ago and I don't have the drive or will to maintain a relationship with a few girls I really liked... sh*ts a bummer. Worst thing is that I didn't know at the time that I was being shit, that's the worst part.
Toxic Girlfriend Stereotype
GiphyIt took me years to get over how much emotional guilt I gave him. He was my high school sweetheart, and I knew he loved and cherished me. I got jealous easily during the relationship and told him to stop talking to any female friends he had. I just literally gave him hell.
That's not even the worst part; I threatened to kill myself over such small matters. I'd say I realized that I was a toxic girlfriend a year and a half after the breakup.
My ex, surprisingly, forgave me about 2 years after the breakup. We can be cordial. I'm still coping with how shit I was as a person back then but I constantly remind myself to leave that in the past and focus on the present.
- Shallama
Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.
Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?
But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.
It would be so great to be sure there is something else.
But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.
Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:
"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"
Sensations
Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."
PeachesnPain
Recovery
"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."
"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."
"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."
good_golly99
Take Me Back
"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."
"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."
rayrayrayray
Free
The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."
TooReDTooHigh
This is why I hate surgery.
You just never know.
Shocked
Giphy"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."
Admirable_Buyer6528
The SOB
"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."
"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”
1-cupcake-at-a-time
Colors
"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"
Hannah_LL7
"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"
huntokarrr
The Fog
"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."
"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."
Fluffy-Hotel-5184
Through the Walls
"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."
"She's quite alive and well today."
Hot-Refrigerator6583
Well let's all be happy to be alive.
It seems to be all we have.
Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.
The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.
Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.
Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:
"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"
Redditors didn't see these coming.
Shiver Me Timbers
"I’m always cold now!"
– Telrom_1
"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."
– r7ndom
"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."
– mr_remy
Drawing Concern
"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."
– dee-fondy
"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"
"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."
– LizardofDeath
Unleashing Insults
"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”
"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."
– alanamablamaspama
Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight
"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."
– KeltarCentauri
"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."
– KatMagic1977
"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."
– Jaew96
These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.
Shopping
"I can buy clothes in any store I want."
– WaySavvyD
"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."
– ganache98012
No More Symptoms
"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."
– colleennicole93
Expanding Capabilities
"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."
– Ramblonius
People Change Their Tune
"How much nicer people are to you."
"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"
– LiZZygsu
"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"
"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"
– awholedamngarden
It's gonna take some getting used to.
Bones Everywhere
"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."
– Princess-Pancake-97
"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."
– bekastrange
Knee Pillow
"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."
– snic2030
"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."
– Strongbad23
More Mobility
"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."
"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."
– dma1965
People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.
But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.
That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.