Self reflection is hard - it's the sort of thing that's so difficult that quite a few people never get around to it. There's always the risk of realizing that the bad guy in the story was, in fact, you.
It's said that no matter how good of a person you try to be, you're going to be the villain in someone's story.
Reddit user BlackSand_GreenWalls asked:
Realizing it can be heartbreaking, terrifying, disappointing and hurtful. But it can also be the catalyst to some of the biggest and most important changes we can ever make as people. Read through some of these stories from people who realized they weren't exactly the great partner they thought they were.
"I Was A Gift"
I realized a year after breaking up with my high school sweetheart (I broke up with him) that I was the main reason that relationship wasn't going anywhere.
He always acted like he couldn't get anywhere without me and that gave me a fat head, making me feel like I was a gift over him and he would do things and change for me because I was already so good to him. Looking back I realized I never made him feel special or do anything to help build him up or motivate him to get his sh!t together. We were young and he should, of course, be responsible for himself but my attitude was never going to help things.
I reached out to him a while ago and apologized for it. He seemed grateful and had his own regrets about our relationship. He seems to be in a much better place in his new one!! I'll always be glad because he was always a friend till we broke up and I wish him all the best.
I make a point now with my fiance to show my support to him, and make him feel special and tell him how attractive he is to me and make my feelings known. Instead of just complaining at him when I want change and not making the effort myself and expecting results.
I make up for it in my own way now by tipping 30%.
I used to criticize her for "only" being a waitress instead of using her intellect for good.
11 years on and I still get so much anxiety over it. He was the nicest guy you could ever meet and I was a headcase who broke his heart and said some horrible things. Years and therapy later, understanding my own demons has made things make sense. It's not excuse, but I know more of why I acted that way.
I keep wanting to contact him and apologize profusely, but I think it would be a bit too crazy. I'm sorry, Daniel. If you knew how many nights I literally lay awake hating myself, you'd know how truly sorry I am.
Friendships Are Relationships, Too
Not a 'romantic relationship', but my only friend in elementary school was quite literally the only kid lower on the "bullying" totem pole than I was. He was the target of everybody in the school, I was the target of everybody in the school except him; my response, being a f*cking 8 year old, was to partake in bullying him from time to time to try and "fit in" with the other kids.
I moved away a few years later but, honestly, knowing you were that much of a piece of sh*t never really leaves you. You can try to cope, try to alleviate their pain as much as possible, but when they respond to you with "It's fine, I forgive you, have a good life." and sh*t like that it's just a sting that never leaves.
At the very least, I've learned from it but that's all I can really do.
I was awful to my ex. I didn't know how to deal with the situation I'd been forced to deal with. I was supporting her entirely through her heroin addiction. I didn't have any room in the relationship to discuss my own problems, because hers took up all the space in the relationship. I would lash out at her, and it was incredibly tumultuous. We would get into fights all the time about stupid shit, and it wasn't healthy from either side. I was self medicating with alcohol, and wasn't dealing with my depression, anxiety, or ptsd at all, until it was too late and I did things that I couldn't take back. I got violent with her one night.
I've stopped drinking since then, and I have a therapist I go to. As time goes on, I'm starting to realize that I was the villain just as much as she was. I've asked for forgiveness, but that's not really good enough. I had to change my behavior, otherwise it would've been hollow.
I'm not speaking to her, and haven't talked to her in roughly 6 months. I need space and time, and spacetime to work on myself. She's presumably doing well though. She's halfway through a nursing program, and working a full time job. These are things she was completely incapable of while we were in a relationship, so I'm incredibly proud of her.
Yes, but my sh*tty behavior was in high school, so I shouldn't be surprised. By the time I realized what I did was sh*tty, I had already grown as a person and matured.
I was controlling and emotionally manipulative, but I did not even realize it at the time. I wasn't the worst possible person, but I felt like we had to be in constant contact. I would sulk and guilt her if I didn't get my way on things. During the break-up itself I vague-posted (not that vague) about her on social media and accused her of betrayal and being heartless.
I was just scared and insecure in my first real relationship. She was right to break it off, and looking back she did everything she could to make it as painless as possible. I did not take it well though, and probably made her life a bit miserable for a few months. At the time I just could not understand how the couldn't love me. In hind sight, that might be the stupidest f*cking thing I have ever thought.
As for coping? I feel like being able to see how I was sh*tty and knowing that I would not do such things again means I have grown as a person. I am not that person anymore. I also realize I was a kid and I was still learning how to be a functional balanced person. I also realize that it seemed like a much bigger deal to me then, than any relationship might today. Not an excuse, but I can understand how that might contribute to my skewed view at the time.
The Fresh Prince RapGiphy
When I was like 16 I was dating a really great guy, but I wasn't ready for the level of serious relationship he was trying to give me. So I did the only natural thing and broke up with him in a rap.
It was to the tune of the fresh Prince of Bel Air and it seemed like a great idea at the time. The breakup had to happen, I wasn't ready for what he was offering. He really was an amazing guy and a great boyfriend, I just wish I would have handled it differently.
Zach. I'm so sorry. I honestly think this is the worst thing I've ever done.
Realizing now that I sort of gaslighted her a bit when I always felt like I did a decent job of being a boyfriend. Learning from work and friends to shut up, take criticism, and hold actual conversations with them on how I can improve or learn from my mistakes. Not every critique is an attack.
Dumb 15 Year Old
I had an ex I hurt a lot when I was 15. Just didn't appreciate her enough. Wasn't attentive, openly talked about other girls while I was with her, just being a real immature dick. I was 15 and somehow landed a girl a year older and much more beautiful than I deserved. I let it go to my head, go figure.
We talked years later. I really wanted her back, but she couldn't see past what I did as a dumb 15 year old.
I guess when it happens that young, you just can't erase it. Obviously we all grow, and now about 15 years after I'm of course nothing like the boy I was back then, but some things are just the way they are, and some memories will just cloud everything.
I saw her last Christmas with a boyfriend. She looked happy and I really hope she is. She definitely deserves the world.
Hindsight Is Strong
The relationship has been over for years but I still haven't been able to even consider getting into another one. I'm too scared of being that person again. The idea is crippling.
I am sick of being the narcissistic ogre who discounted all of her problems and only wanted to think about me and mine. I am also massively afraid of being like that again because hindsight is strong but present sight is weak.
No Obligation To Accept
Yes. I tried to apologize (months later, not years) and he basically said that he hoped saying that made me feel better but he didn't want to ever hear from me again. I learned a really important lesson about the way I treat people and the fact that some things can't be fixed.
He may not have been ready or willing to accept it or forgive you, but if your apology was sincere and meaningful, it was still good of you to do it. Even if it doesn't matter to him now, one day he may look back on it and appreciate that you apologized. I hope it's able to give you some closure and peace. You did the only thing that can be done after the fact, and it sounds like you have learned and grown. That's all anyone can do.
Yes but he seems to be doing much better now with his new girlfriend and every time I've tried to initiate a conversation he shuts it down. So I let him live his life.
I've come to understand exactly what I did in that relationship and I try not to repeat it in future ones.
I've been on the receiving end of this multiple times. They break up and say horrible sh!t to destroy me. Then a few months later I'll get calls and texts asking for me not to hate them or think they are a bad person and how I "taught them how to be treated" and whatnot....
What it comes down to is that people that treat their partners shitty are sh!tty selfish people and when they try to ask for forgiveness, it's not for you, it's for their own selfish needs.
My current ex just sent me a big text apologizing for how she treated me a couple days ago. I've been on the fence about responding or not because I feel like she's at another low point and is looking for validation. I appreciate her apology but I don't feel the need to answer.
Loved The Distraction
My ex doesn't want to talk to me at all. I think it was entirely my fault. I try to be a good guy and respect women and people in general.
Thing is that I didn't know how to handle my insecurities, I didn't communicate and I didn't strive to improve the relationship. Also, I think I used her to forget about my problems and as a distraction. That's a big no no...
I thought I loved that girl - but as time goes by I'm starting to think that maybe I loved what she was (distraction, fun) and not her.
The breakup was about 7 months ago and I don't have the drive or will to maintain a relationship with a few girls I really liked... sh*ts a bummer. Worst thing is that I didn't know at the time that I was being shit, that's the worst part.
Toxic Girlfriend StereotypeGiphy
It took me years to get over how much emotional guilt I gave him. He was my high school sweetheart, and I knew he loved and cherished me. I got jealous easily during the relationship and told him to stop talking to any female friends he had. I just literally gave him hell.
That's not even the worst part; I threatened to kill myself over such small matters. I'd say I realized that I was a toxic girlfriend a year and a half after the breakup.
My ex, surprisingly, forgave me about 2 years after the breakup. We can be cordial. I'm still coping with how shit I was as a person back then but I constantly remind myself to leave that in the past and focus on the present.
We all know the job interview butterflies.
We sit outside the office or wait for the phone call and our foot taps at rapid speed. We run through some rehearsed answers, but worry that they'll ask a slew of things we never even considered. We try not to sweat too much.
Often, it turns out alright. We may not get the job, but we're respectable, give solid answers, and learn a lot about the place we're trying to get hired.
Other times, however, all of our far-fetched worries seem to come to life.
Curious to hear just how bad an interview can go, Redditor UIGrimsen asked:
"What was your worst job interview?"
Plenty of people had some truly bizarre stories to share. Part of these train wrecks were bad luck, and part were the insane antics of the people giving the interview.
But for us, they're simply hilarious.
"I applied for a job in a Planetarium, the interview was conducted in a big dome."
"Problem was, another part of the Planetarium staff was doing fire alarm tests during the interview. The dome amplified the sound so much, it was deafening. The interview staff acted like nothing was going on. We had to shout so we could hear each other."
"My mom raises chickens … and during COVID one of them got sick (not COVID). She had it inside to feed water hourly to try to nurse it back to life. My mom has to run an errand so I'm in charge of this chicken for the afternoon."
"I was on a phone screening with a candidate for a position in my office and this chicken starts having a seizure and dies on the middle of this phone call. I look over and it's laying almost like it was crucified."
"The candidate heard the commotion and asked if everything was ok … Which I relied 'yeah, the chicken just died.' "
"She withdrew her application the next morning."
"1.) I walked in as the HR lady farted"
"2.) it was a small office with no windows"
"3.) I asked her questions about their employee retention rate that she couldn't answer"
"4.) the fart stayed the duration of the interview"
"5.) I hope the fart got the job, because I didn't want it"
A Very Instructive Moment
"Applied to work at a vet clinic. Veterinarian did the interview while spaying a cat, apparently one of the cleanest and quickest surgeries they do. I fainted."
"Was not offered the job (after I woke up)."
Others shared moments when their excitement was deflated instantly. They encountered such closed-minded interviewers that there was almost no need for discussion.
That Bus Perk
"As an interviewee It was when I applied to a job as a Junior programmer and in 5 minutes the guys goes 'look, I'll be honest, there is no job, you can get an internship, no pay, we offer the bus pass' "
Plains, Trains, and Automobiles Later...
"I took vacation days to interview, bought my own plane ticket, and paid for my own hotel. First thing the interviewer said was, 'I have no intention of hiring you. This is just a courtesy because I knew your brother.' I had 8 more hours left in my interview day. It was painful."
"They ended up offering me the position many weeks down the road because they couldn't fill the position. I politely declined and got a very passive aggressively worded survey to fill out explaining why I passed."
There's a Right Answer??
"Wanted to work at H&M, got interviewed by the worst person ever."
"One question was and I am legit not lying, 'What is your favorite color and why?' "
"I answered 'baby blue because it's calming and not too harsh to the eyes.' My interviewer then said Oooh, sorry! Red is what we were looking for. And then proceeded to show me the exit."
Last, some shared the times they arrived for the interview excited and enthusiastic, but quickly learned how out of their league the position was.
These interviews looked more like brutal interrogations from the FBI than job interviews.
All the Principals
"Fresh out of college, I was looking for my first teaching job. I applied at a small district for an elementary school position."
"I walked in, expecting the principal and a few teachers. Instead I had the superintendent of the district, some high-level admin, and every single elementary school principal in the district. Probably 15 people in all. They peppered me with questions for 45 minutes."
"I had zero experience, just my student teaching. I did not get the job."
Shove Your Masters
"Finished up a masters degree in physics. Got a phone interview and was was told it would be an introductory chat. Was confronted with a technical interview panel (over the phone) of 6 PhDs, 4 of which had graduated from the research group I had just left. We walked through my research project in about 10 minutes."
"Then the pain began... felt like I'd only learned kindergarten physics."
An Extremely Intimidating Position
"Got an interview for a job as a floor manager at a gigantic steel foundry. I have some background in metallurgy so I thought it'd fit. It paid $90k and I was qualified resume-wise. I got there, turned out it was a group interview with three other applicants, to hear the pitch."
"If something messes up, the company loses $100,000 (some shockingly high amount, I don't remember if it was exactly 100k) per hour and it's your sole responsibility to fix it. They said you'd have to be on call 24/7 to handle anything that comes up."
"I got to the solo part out of curiosity and the interviewer they put me with said something to the effect of 'I know this job sounds bad, but actually it's even worse.' I was desperate for a job because I didn't land one straight out of college, but I was glad not to hear back from them after the interview..."
Here's hoping you don't have a job interview scheduled and this just amplified your anxiety 1000%. The nice thing to remember is that these horror stories are few and far between.
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Believe it or not, Canadians don't live in igloos or freeze to death all year round. If you go to Germany, it's highly unlikely that every German you meet will be cold and uninviting. Hop over to the United Kingdom and you're not going to run into tons of people with terrible teeth and bad hygeine.
These are called stereotypes, my friends, and it's best you leave them at the door. People were more than willing to strike down some stereotypes about the countries they know and love after Redditor HelloThere577 asked the online community,
"What are some false stereotypes about your country?"
"When most folks envision Scotland, they think of kilts, whisky, bagpipes, and red hair.
All of those things exist (and are common) here.
People might also imagine verdant hillsides, rocky bluffs, and skies that randomly switch between clear and cloudy.
Once again, that's completely accurate.
However, one stereotype which has absolutely no foundation, in reality, is the assumption that Scotsmen are constantly hunting haggis. In fact, haggis-hunting only takes place in February (which is the season for deosil haggis) and May (which is the season for widdershins haggis). For the rest of the year, the haggis is more or less left alone."
"I am originally from Portugal and moved to the United States. Around 80% of the people that I have met thought Portugal was either in South America, owned by Brazil, or a part of Spain. When I first came here it made me really sad."
"If the wildlife hurts or kills you in Australia, it's generally because you are f***** stupid. You are 10000 times more likely to be injured or killed in a car accident in Australia than by anything in nature."
This is likely very true, but knowing me, I'd probably be easy pickings for one of those huntsman spiders.
"That we end every sentence with "eh" and drink maple syrup by the gallon and have moose and igloos in our backyards."
You mean... you don't?
Just kidding. Canada is lovely––visit sometime. It's a lovely place.
The United States
"That we always have a shotgun at the ready. A shotgun is a home gun where a pistol is your everyday gun. Your revolver is your dress gun, for special occasions. Then of course your assault rifle is for when you're kicking back and cracking open a cold one with the boys."
"Anything related to The Sound of Music."
Probably gets annoying afer a short while. Great movie, though. Still dreaming about a trip to Salzburg.
"A lot of Americans seem to think we're inbred because we're an island. This is dumb, because it's a very big island (10th biggest in the world), and it's not isolated, we've been invaded, invading, and trading with the mainland for thousands of years."
"That we are car thieves. Crime was widespread in Poland in the 90s but today crime (including theft) rate in Poland is low."
"We do gesticulate a lot, but we definitely don't yell like crazy."
It seems Italian Americans are the ones who could learn a thing or two about being more reserved.
"Iceland. We're not some utopian Disneyland filled with quirky superstitious people that all believe in elves."
Remember: The world is an enormous place filled with people from all walks of life, and they don't take too kindly too stereotypes. Expand your horizons by having conversations with as many people as possible. You'd be surprised how quickly your preconceived notions will vanish.
Have some stories of your own? Feel free to tell us about them in the comments below!
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Why are people so dumb? Ok, maybe that's harsh. Maybe some of us just speak dumb.
I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt when in conversation, but I'm consistently disappointed.
So I've come to three conclusions... people really don't think before they speak, brain farts are more frequent then we'd like to believe or... people are dumb. And maybe hearing isn't a gift, but a curse.
Redditor u/Away_Television9221 wanted to discuss the things we've heard that made us want to stab our ears repeatedly by asking:
What's the stupidest thing you've ever heard someone say?
I've lost track of the amount of times I've been asked outrageously idiotic questions. I have literally been frozen in disbelief. Sometimes I get asked if I'm having a stroke. I'm not, I'm just paralyzed with shock. Let's see who can relate...
Ask Nemofinding dory GIFGiphy
"How do fish breathe when they are eating cabbage underwater?"
"Coming from the new guy in the class to the bio professor in HS."
"A girl in my class genuinely thought the sun was the size of a basket ball and "the stars" were the size of golf balls. She failed to grasp how heliocentricity worked despite being shown a model and having it explained to her very slowly and deliberately."
"She failed to understand indoor plumbing and seemed to believe that some water just naturally existed in a state of "hot" since she expressed agitation at the tap water being cold and asked if "anyone can refill the hot water or something." She sincerely believed that all cats were female and all dogs were male, no she didn't have an explanation for how they reproduced and implied it happened via divine means despite the fact that she wasn't religious."
"She didn't understand how wages or loans worked and genuinely thought people could just withdraw as much money as they wanted from the ATM and that poor people were just too lazy to go to the ATM. She said something new this dumb every week, these are just some of the more memorable ones. Oh, and she was around 15-16 at the time."
"Was star gazing with a mate one night out camping. He said dead serious (and sober) "do you think there are like, other planets up there floating around in space?" I didn't know how to reply."
In the Bed
"Used to work maintenance for college student housing. Every unit has its own parking directly off the street in front of it. Tenant complains he has 6 yeti coolers stolen. I say "oh no, how terrible. Those clever criminals, however did they break into your home? I never noticed a work order for a broken door or window here?" Tenant: "... uh... they were in my truckbed..."
Deep Breathesbest friends vegan GIF by Mercy For AnimalsGiphy
"Cow is the only animal which not only inhales, but also exhales oxygen."
"--Rekha Arya (Minister of Animal Husbandry, Uttarakhand, India, 2018)"
"Edit: There are quite a lot of dumb comments made by politicians but I chose this one because it is not as problematic yet definitely very stupid."
I don't even know where to begin. I'm again frozen in my shooketh state. How do human beings survive with every breathe we take? It's a miracle we've made it this far. Shall we continue?
SNLScared Saturday Night Live GIF by HULUGiphy
My wife : "What day is Saturday night live on?"
Hot and Cold
"The sun is cold, otherwise the universe would be super hot."
"Relative to the rest of the universe, sure. Relative to other stars, my understanding is that the sun isn't particularly hot (not particularly cold either, I believe it falls somewhere in the middle if you are comparing how hot all stars are.)".
"Had an Australian intern at our Cape Town ZA office a couple of years back. For context, out of the 29 of us working there, all but 4 were African. This lady felt the need to declare (on more than one occasion) that a) she believes poverty in the African continent is due to a lack of faith in God and the widespread practice of voodoo witchcraft and b) that she would never go to a hair salon in CPT because she was concerned about catching HIV. Didn't even blink and I honest to God believe she didn't intend any offence, she was just really that dumb."
"This woman has a master's degree as well as a decade's worth of experience as a social worker at that time. Blew my mind how someone can be that idiotic and so completely unaware how deeply offensive they're being and still manage to get that degree and work that job."
"I don't believe in outer space. If there was outer space all our air would be gone." My new neighbor said this awhile back. I GTFO and have been avoiding him ever since."
And Toes?josh holloway sawyer GIF by The Paley Center for MediaGiphy
"If someone loses their finger, their child will be born without a finger."
I really thought I had heard it all in my days as a waiter, but life never ceases to amaze. I tell you if you really want to hear some nonsense that will follow you forever, work as a waiter for one week. You'll never see people the same way again. I gotta get earplugs.
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Films are a great art form because they rely entirely upon interpretation, but the director can really control the outcome. They are an extremely visual medium in addition to being a storytelling one: so the way a director deals with their movie can really change the tone.
Ever seen Mulholland Drive? The deep existential dread caused by that film is very much a hallmark of David Lynch's style. It rarely makes sense, but you know exactly how you feel after.
Here were some of those answers.
The Sociopath Angle
"Nightcrawler. Not the kind of mindf*ck that the Nolan-ish films induce, but made me warier of the people around me. Jake Gyllenhaal really sold the eerie sociopath."
"Think it's called Buzzsaw or something?"
That Nolan Vibe
"Inception and Shutter Island are my top 2. The departed the first time I saw it, especially since some of the scenes were flashbacks with no indication til certain things happen"
"Watched inception with my cousin in the theater and he walked out halfway because he couldn't understand what was going on. Watched interstellar in the theaters and the dude sitting in front of me walked out while loudly proclaiming the movie made no sense. Watched tenet at home and I'm still confused."
Neon Genesis Huh?
"Lots of people seem to have their own interpretations on what exactly the f**k happens in the end of evangelion."
"My personal idea is that the ending of the show (strange dream hallucinations and congratulations) is what Shinji is seeing as he's melding with the rest of humanity in the tang, and he agrees to be melded forever."
"In the movie, I believe Shinji begins to meld, but ultimately chooses to NOT become tang with the rest of the world, and is released...with Asuka for...some reason <_<"
"The rebuild movies start the same as the series but VEER COMPLETELY OFF TRACK around the middle of the second movie, and are just as confusing as the originals were :/"
These are the kind of movies that will leave you so dumbfounded at the end that you will never really recover.
Horror In Broad Daylight
"Midsommar. By far the creepiest horror movie I've seen because it felt so real and different."
"I really love this movie. It's creepy but beautiful at the same time. And there's so many little hints and details shown throughout that add extra depth to the story."
The Ending To End All Endings
"Ex Machina. The way it ended just stayed with me for days."
"The creator was right all along, he wasn't a nice guy by any stretch but he called it from the start, very good film."
The Twins And Clones Thing Is Quite Confusing
"The Prestige. Magician couldn't figure out how antagonist does magic trick so he gets Tesla to create him a teleportation machine but instead it doesn't work."
"He finds out it duplicates items instead so he re creates the antagonists trick but every time he does, he dies and another version of him is created."
"At the end it was revealed how the antagonist did his trick. He had a twin. They took turns and carefully lived the same life, one at a time while the other is in hiding. So each time the trick was done, the twin came out and the other stayed in the box."
Strange And Outlandish
"Tenet. I was lost at the beginning. Final battle scene reminded me of training except backwards and forwards."
"I just cracked up laughing in the theater so hard people were turning to see if I was choking to death on a popcorn kernel or something."
Sometimes not making sense in a movie really is not a good thing.
Existential Dread As Told By Donnie Darko
"Great film! Been awhile for me but as I remember Donnie Darko was stuck in a tangent universe. At the point you see in the film he had been stuck in the cycle of the universe ending and resetting for quite some time."
"You know this when Frank tells Donnie in the theater that he should know by now what is going on. (that proves this was not Donnie's first attempt to escape the universe) So the very first time he would appear in this universe there would be no frank and no help."
"As he repeatly fails he also moves closer to success by the other people trying to help him do what he needs to."
"Take for example the teacher seating Gretchen next to him (that was a deliberate but almost unconscious move by the teacher to help him further things along)."
"Eventually with enough time and help he is finally able to get Frank killed. This now allows Frank to return next cycle as a spirit that can guide him better to freeing himself and everyone else from the universe."
"Of course this is not a perfect theory as Frank woke Donnie in the first place which saved his life but I think it is more of a paradox issue of time traveling than anything else. There is so much more to the film but the director's cut helps explain most of the story"
The Worst Kind Of Unsettled
"Aguirre, the Wrath of God"
"Not because it was confusing, but because watching it felt like going slowly insane over 90 minutes."
"Klaus Kinski was an absolute monster of a human being, but an absolutely mesmerising screen presence. He draws you into his madness and leaves you feeling shattered at the end."
Von Trier Headache
"Melancholia. I love Lars Von Trier's work and love his artistic his movies generally are. I love all of the Depression Trilogy."
"But even Antichrist didn't mindf**k me as much as Melancholia."
"There's something just so so strange about that movie. It's just so depressing, in a hopelessness kind of way. It's something I've never felt watching any other movie."
These films are meant to be seen and to make you feel a little stressed out and crazy.
Be warned should you go into watching them, though--these are not fun ways to pass the time. They will take brain power to focus on, and they will take up your emotional energy.