To be a so-called "nice guy" is "to be timidly chivalrous in public and wholeheartedly misogynistic in private," as one Redditor noted after a fellow member of the online community asked the women to share stories about their experiences with the "nice guys" who've left a mark on their dating lives.
"Has anyone ever given a "nice guy" a chance after they've thrown a tantrum because you didn't let them treat you like a queen? And if you did, how did it work out?" –– This was today's burning question from Redditor targetgoldengoose, and the replies were illuminating.
"I finally allowed him..."
I finally allowed him to take me on a date to breakfast. Figured midday would be ideal to meet up in public.
I offended him immediately when I spoke to the waitress. I said, "We have two" when she asked how many we had. He insisted that she was asking him, not me, and I emasculated him in public. I laughed it off as a joke. I grew up with all brothers. Surely, he was trying to be funny.
We sat down. The waitress asked for our order. I gave her mine. He groaned and asked her to come back in a second. He told me proper protocol was for me to discuss what I wanted to eat with him, allow him to make the decision, and he was supposed to relay that to the waitress - not me!
I told him he was crazy and left. Blocked his number. Ghosted completely.
"It got to the point..."
I dated a "nice guy" for three years. First he did treat me like a queen. Put me up on a pedestal, flattered me, bought me things. He made me feel really good about myself and more confident.
Then, it changed because my confidence was a threat. The name calling started, fights over nothing, insane jealousy. He wore me down until I felt like nothing. I hadn't done anything sexual or even dated prior to meeting him. He threw a tantrum until I did all the things he wanted even if I was crying or saying no. He consistently expressed how he wished it was acceptable to hit me and let his mother berate and slap me.
It got to the point where he'd pick me up at 7am (I couldn't drive at the time), drop me off at his house, take my cell phone and leave me there until he got out of work. After making me quit my job and trying to get me to quit school, I realized I didn't want this to be my life every day. I was isolated from my friends and family, depressed, and expected to take care of his needs without anything in return. I finally got the confidence to break it off. Turns out he was cheating on me too. He threatened to kill me and any "guy he saw me with". Harassed and stalked me for years. He told everyone I was a whore and I left him because of his weight and how he was such a "nice guy" to me.
"Absurdly, insanely..."
Oooh, finally my time to... shine? I guess? In high school I briefly dated a "nice guy" (complete with an actual fedora in 2000 before they were really a thing - thanks art school!) I had been in a really horrible, abusive relationship with a guy in his 20s just before, and in fairness my "nice guy" then-friend had been instrumental in helping me to realize how f*cked up our vibe was and helping me to leave an objectively horrible situation.
He then promptly swooped in and started pushing for romantic intimacy between us. He never actually declared feelings - he was never that straightforward about his own thoughts and desires - just talked about the way I deserved to be treated (like a queen, obvs) and made it clear he felt he was the only one who would give me that. Many of my friends were pushing for it as well - he was nice, afterall, and my previous boyfriends had been so objectively awful.
I felt a lot of obligation and kind of went along on autopilot. There was a lot of negotiation around anything sexual - "I treat you so well, don't you want to?" from him and "I know you want to treat me like a lady so you'll be okay to take it slow" from me. One of the hardest parts was that he clearly wasn't out to hurt me or to f*ck me. The sexual acts between us (we never slept together, but did other things that seemed like a huge deal to teenaged me) were only a demonstration - proof that I loved him. That was what he wanted. But I didn't, and I really thought that meant there was something wrong with me.
In the end, I only lasted about a month. He decorated my locker, brought flowers, and left notes for me taped to my desk in each of my classes to "celebrate" our one month anniversary. I was mortified. My math teacher caught a good look at my face (before I managed to plaster a smile back on) as I opened the note he had left in her class. She asked me to stay back after for what turned out to be one of the most important talks in my life (Mrs. Brown, just the best). I felt panicked, telling her over and over how happy and lucky I was. She kept asking questions until I burst into tears and it all just came out. I don't really remember what all she said, but I remember her saying "it's okay to be alone." She said it over and over, like Robin Williams going "it's not your fault" in Good Will Hunting.
And soon enough I was. I broke up with him - kindly but firmly, and about 5 different times before he accepted it. He cried. He got angry. Absurdly, insanely, his mom called my mom, who dropped the hammer on her in a way I haven't seen before or since. I took a ton of sh!t at school for "breaking his heart" and "ruining his life" but I felt so free that I didn't really mind. I dated around, but didn't have a "boyfriend" again until I was 21. It was, truly, okay (and important, and necessary) to be alone.
"I finally hit a pretty low point..."
I had a guy who would constantly ask me out or make really awkward advances for like a year +
I finally hit a pretty low point after coming out of a relationship and agreed to go out on a date. He seemed actually kind of nice and we ended up dating and lived together for a bit. It all turned sour though, when he realised that all his "cute punk girl" bullshit he had projected on to me wasn't who i am and I wasn't changing to what he wanted me to be, and then all of a sudden he was out with friends constantly and coming home drunk.
The morning he came home, around 6am, telling me he kissed another woman finally woke me up and i left him.
He would still send me messages for months after we broke up, not acknowledging my replies saying i have a boyfriend and it's inappropriate to say these things..
Even now if i unblock him from social media I'll get a message within a few days saying things like:
"Hey, still beautiful i see" or "Hey cutie/sweetie" etc etc and he gets blocked again.. ugh.
"To clarify..."
Met a guy online and he seemed really nice. He was a tad pushy about meeting up but I ignored that little feeling. We met up shortly after for a quick date (I think we got coffee) and chatted. It was instant chemistry, he had 2 sons and i have 2 kids, both open to blended families, goal oriented, smart, easy conversation. We decided to go out again the next night, really nice date and he was a complete gentleman. He mentioned on the date we'd have to get the kids together to see if they like each other. I laughed it off, like "yeah maybe down the road, we just met" and continued the date. Two days later, during our texting I casually mentioned I was going to take my kids on a nature walk and I'd text him when I was back. He shows up with his kids.
Now, I dont have it in me to be mean to children so I played nice and introduced myself (they were around 5 and 7, and very sweet boys) but inside I was creeped the f*ck out. After we parted ways I called him and told him that was not cool AT ALL. Of course, he played victim and hurt until i said i was uncomfortable with what he did.. then it was "I'm just trying to love you and your kids", "how can we be together if they dont meet" and "you should appreciate a man trying with a woman with 2 kids"... as if he didnt have 2 his damn self. He sent angry messages for about a week, I never would respond and he went away.
To clarify, this all happened in a 2 week span. From start to finish.
"He seemed nice and was happy..."
I dated one for 2 years. He seemed nice and was happy when I first started dating him cause girls "didn't give him a chance due to his looks'. He was very needy and always demanded we do what he wanted. I missed out on a lot of things, including missing out going to see Phantom of the Opera with his mom, because he didn't want to go and would get sick at the last minute.
When I lost my virginity to him, he didn't realize he wasn't ready for something like that till after we had sex. About a year and a half into our relationship he got religious. So then, whenever we had sex, he would want is to pray for forgiveness afterwards. But if I refused sex, I was a cold b!tch.
I actually left him for a female partner, (I am bi) and that's when I realized that it was a super unhealthy relationship.
"He didn't throw a tantrum..."
He didn't throw a tantrum but other people convinced me that I need to start giving the nice guys a chance. I didn't really find him attractive but he was really nice to me so I was just like okay fine... And then on to two years of a toxic abuse relationship. Where he was always right, always belittling me, always reminding me that anytimeI felt uncomfortable with something or upset about something, it wasn't because he was doing something wrong, it was because I had an abusive childhood and I just didn't understand what real relationships were like.... I went to bed crying every night. I remember he never wanted to have sex expect.... The only times he wanted to have sex was after he broke me down and I cried myself to sleep then he'd come to bed saying "I just love you so much. You're so amazing. The best." I felt so unloved and desperate for affection I'd have sex with him but feel so empty and alone afterwards. It wasn't until I was free of that relationship I realized how fucked up it was.... I'm still trying to forgive myself for allowing myself to be in that situation for so long.
I'm so happy I escaped.
"If I was out with friends..."
Yes. The tantrums continued throughout the relationship. He was very controlling. If I was out with friends he would be upset that I was having fun without him. He ended up cheating on me and dumping me only to beg me back. He semi staked me for a couple of years. Had an online blog about what I did each day and tried to befriend my exes.
"It got so bad..."
Dated a guy for a few months. From the beginning though, he was just embarrassing. We had mutual friends, and he would spend full outings, parties, weekend trips voicing his disbelief that I would date him. Telling people how lucky he was in a self deprecating way that was gross, that he has "won the lotto" and I was "out of his league", no matter how many times I asked him to quit it as he did it every single time we were in public.
It got so bad that his best friend actually snapped and told him in the middle of a self deprecating rant how embarrassing it was and to look at how uncomfortable he was making me. That started a huge argument about "but she's a queen, I'm just treating her like one!". When I had the audacity to agree with his best friend, full cry melt down. In front of everyone. To the point where people left a paid wknd early because he made everyone so uncomfortable.
Broke up with him that wknd, the break up lasted for hours with me begging him to gtfo of my house while he cried and cried and cried about how he treats me so well, how could I do this to him. Then it turned to rage. Had to block him on everything when I started dating someone months later, a lot of friends blocked him as well when they found out he was stalking me (parking outside my home for hours, etc).
I was naive. And dumb. Looking back, I wish I had been aware enough to recognize emotional manipulation. If you're dating someone and they act like you're doing them a favour, don't date that person.
Do you have something to confess to George? Text "Secrets" or "
- Women Who've Given The 'Nice Guy' A Chance Break Down How It Actually Went - George Takei ›
- The Worst 'Nice Guy' Tantrums Women Have Ever Witnessed From Someone They Dated - George Takei ›
For many childhood memories are overrun by living nightmares.
Yes, children are resilient, but that doesn't mean that the things we see as babes don't follow us forever.
The horrors of the world are no stranger to the young.
Redditor -2sweetcaramel- wanted to see who was willing to share about the worst things we've seen as kids, so they asked:
"What’s the creepiest thing you saw as a kid?"
Serious Danger
"Me and my best friend would explore the drainage tunnels under the Vegas area where we grew up. These were miles long and it was always really cool down there so it was a good way to escape the heat of our scorching hot summers. We went into this one that goes under the Fiesta casino and found a camp with a bunch of homeless people."
"Mind you we are like 11 years old lol. And we just kept going like it was nothing. It wasn’t scary then but when I look back at it we could have been in some serious danger. Our parents had no idea we did this or where we were and we had no cellphones. We could have been kidnapped and never have been found."
oofboof2020
Waiting for Food
"I was at a portillos once when I was 12 and I was waiting with my little brother at a booth while my parents got our food. This guy was standing with his tray kind of watching me then after a couple of minutes he started to walk over really fast not breaking eye contact with me."
"He was 2 feet from the table and my dad came out of nowhere and scared the s**t out of him. He looked so surprised and just said he wanted to see if I’d get scared or not. He left his tray full of food near the door and left. My folks reported him but we never went to that location again since we found a better one closer to home."
nowhereboy1964
Captain Hobo to the Rescue
"When I was a pretty young teen, my friends and I were horsing around in San Francisco and started hanging out to smoke with some homeless guys. Another homeless dude came up and began aggressively trying to shake us down for anything (money, smokes, a ride, drugs- all of it) and wouldn’t take no for an answer."
"We got in over our heads and could tell this guy was now riling the other 2 guys up and they were acting like they wanted to jump us. Some grandfather-looking old homeless man appeared out of nowhere and yelled at us to get the f**k out of here- nice kids like us don’t belong down here at this hour!!"
"Captain Hobo saved our lives that night. My parents sincerely thought we were at a mall all day lol."
FartAttack911
Survival
tsunami GIF
Giphy
"I was 7 and survived the 2004 tsunami in Thailand. Witnessed the wave rise way above the already massive palm trees (approx. 40ft?) and my family and I watched/heard the wave crash into the ground from a rooftop."
faithfulpoo
These Tsunami stories are just tragic.
On the Sand
Scared The Launch GIF by CTV
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"We were a group of kids who went to swim in a local lake. And there was a dead body on the beach with their hands raised and their legs bent unnaturally that local police just took out of the same lake. I've never put my foot in these waters again."
oyloff
Be Clever
"I was walking to school and I was about 5 or 6 years old and some guy pulled up beside me in his car and asked if I would get in. He also offered me sweets to do so. I said no. The creepy bit was when he calmly said ‘clever boy’ to me, then drove off. I’ve never even told my parents or anyone else about this as it would most likely freak them out."
OstneyPiz
Bad Jokes
"Dad's side of the family pranked me by burying a fake body on our back property and had me dig it up to find valuables. Was only allowed to use a lantern for light. They stuffed old clothes with chicken bones. Sheetrock mud where the head was... Random fake jewelry as the treasures... I was like maybe 10 or 11.. I remember digging up the boot first and started gagging because it became real at that point."
Alegan239
YOU
Who Are You Reaction GIF by MOODMAN
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"Woke up to find my little brother staring at me in the dark, asking, Are you really you?"
PrettyLola2004
Siblings can really be a bunch of creepers.
No one should talk to others in the dark though.
Not all pet owners have the same relationship with their pets.
While anyone who decides to become a pet owner, or pet parent as some say, love their pets equally, some never ever let them leave their side.
Taking their pet with them to work, running errands, even on vacations.
Many pet parents even allow their pets to share their bed with them when going to sleep.
For others though, this is where a line is finally drawn.
Redditor Piggythelavasurfer was curious to hear whether pet owners allowed their pets to share their bed with them, as well as the reasons why they do/don't, leading them to ask:
"Do you let your pet sleep in your bed? Why/why not?"
The Tiny Issue Of Water...
"Absolutely not."
"I have fish."- Senior-Meal3649
Everyone Gets Lonely Eventually...
"I adopted an eleven year old cat the day before Halloween."
"She has mostly lived in my closet since I got her, and she hasn’t been too interested in coming out."
"Last night, she came out of my closet and jumped up on my bed, and crawled under my covers and curled up by my feet to sleep."
"I was so happy!"- YellowBeastJeep
The Comforting Reminder That You're Not Alone...
"I recently lost my Greyhound but I used to let him sleep on my bed with me."
"The company was nice and he was no trouble to have on my bed."- HoodedMenace3
Hungry Cookie GIF by De Graafschap Dierenartsen
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What Do You Mean Allow?
"I have no choice."
"She is a cat, cats do whatever they want."- Small_cat1412
"He lets me sleep in my bed."- Poorly-Drawn-Beagle
Wouldn't Have It Any Other Way
"I carry my old boy upstairs to bed every night."- worst_in_show
Hug GIF by The BarkPost
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Who Needs An Alarm Clock?
"I let my two cats sleep with me."
"They're so full of love and just want cuddles all the time."
"And so do I."
"We've all developed a lil routine."
"Get to bed, oldest sleeps on my feet to keep them warm, youngest lies in my arm while I lie on my side (she the little spoon), then when I snooze my alarm for work in the morning the youngest paws at my face and meeps loudly to wake me up."- GhostofaFlea_
Whose Bed Is It Anyway?
"Yes."
"They're also kind enough to let me squeeze into whatever space they've left for me."
"Although I do get a few dirty looks off them."- Therealkaylor
"I found this tiny kitten screaming her head off under a car."
"Would not come out."
"Got some food and some water in dishes."
"I stood by the tire so she couldn't see my feet."
"She got curious about the food and water and started gobbling it down."
"I thought she would bolt when I squatted down."
"She was too busy eating."
"I grabbed her by the nape of the neck and all four legs went straight out and she tried to scratch me to death."
"I got her in the door and tossed her toward the couch."
"She ricocheted off the couch as if she was a ping pong off a table and I lost sight of her."
"I put out food and water and a sandbox and did not see that kitten for three days."
"On the third day, I came home and she was on my bed pillow."
"I thought she would bolt when I came near, but she didn't."
"I wanted to sleep so I tried to scoot her little butt off my pillow."
"She would not go."
"I put my head down to sleep and that is the way it was from then on."
"She ran the roost."- Logical_Cherry_7588
sleepy kitten GIF
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Sleeping Is A Prerequisite...
"No, he's a cat and he cannot keep still during the night."
"He walks across the headboard, opens the closet doors, jumps into the windows and rustles the blinds, etc."
"If he would sleep he could stay, but alas, he's a ramblin' man."- Spong_Durnflungle
Saying No Just Isn't An Option...
"'Let'."
"Lol."
"It's a cat's world and I'm happy to be on her good side."- milaren
Felines Only!
"The cat does, the dog doesn't and the horse certainly does not either."- Xcrowzz
Angry Tom And Jerry GIF by Boomerang Official
Giphy
Is That My Hair On That Pillow?
"My dog is perfect."
"She comes up, cuddles til we start to fall asleep, then gets down to sleep on her bed so she doesn't get too hot."
"Jumps back up in the early morning for wake up cuddles."
"The hair everywhere is the only downside but she is so cozy, what can you do."- HoodieWinchester
It is easy to understand how some people are able to fall asleep more easily knowing their friend and protector is there, in bed, with them.
Though we can't blame others who don't want to run the risk of being scratched or bitten in the middle of the night either...