Every now and then life hands you a moment where you get some sage life advice from the "Uncle Iroh/Mr. Miyagi/Yoda" figure in your life. Or maybe it's someone hitting you with some hard truth.
Sometimes all it takes is a sentence or two for things to get really, really real. One Reddit user asked:
What was a sentence said to you that changed your life forever?
We expected "I'm pregnant" to be a popular response - but what we actually got was something else entirely. Take a look.
Be The Adult You Needed
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"Be the adult you needed as a child"
You can be an adult who remembers how to be a child.
That's What Makes Them Good Friends
"F*ck you and the problems you create for yourself"
One of My best friend said that to me 4 years ago and we're still close friends today. It was a wakeup call that I needed.
Good friends sound like a**holes when they need to. That's what makes them good friends.
- JADW27
So Sure
"I've never really loved you, I was just so sure you'd change"
This was after seven years and a child together.
Nothing but BS. This is why I'm bluntly honest. I'd rather just tell you what's wrong and work through it than sit there, make a life together, and just leave and blame the other person. Gets on my nerves.
Arguing With An Idiot
When I was at school, I chatted to a drunk guy at a bus stop once and he gave me some life advice. It was something like this.
"You have a quiet look about you. I can tell you're not a loud mouth and that's a good thing. If anyone tells you not to be that way, f*ck them."
"You can laugh at them when you're a doctor or something. Don't argue with those idiots. Right now I can tell you're smart, but once you start arguing with an idiot, I can't tell the difference."
- WhtCt
Why?
"Why do you care so much what they think?"
Said to 7th grade me after crying for the 187th (ish) time I came home and complained kids were making fun of me.
Now I have the reverse problem. I don't give 2 sh*ts about anyone's opinion...so I speak my mind and let insults roll off...even ones that should bother me.
Part Of Success
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"Failure is PART of success, not the opposite."
Boss said this to me when I was in a funk at work. He knew I was feeling down about myself and wanted to do anything to bring me out of it. Honestly, one of the best bosses I've ever had. Still keep in touch with him from time to time.
Not Happy Pills
"Anti-depressants won't 'make you happy', they're not happy pills. They're like life preservers so you can focus on having fun at the pool party instead of drowning."
Having narrowly gotten through a crisis scenario and escorted to a student health center with nothing else to lose, I talked to my doctor about my hesitation to take meds. He said that and it flipped my depressed pre-conceived notion of "weakness" and medication on it's head.
Months later my chronic chronic depression and panic disorder were in remission, where they have remained for 6 years. :)
Needed To Hear Kind Words
''You're the best mommy ever. I'm glad you were born in this planet''
My little son told me that one day when my family made me cry. I never wanted him to see me crying but that day my family was so rude with me in front of him.
Sounds crazy but I really needed to hear kind words. My family used to criticize all the ideas or things I like. The unique approbation I need was my son's one.
When my child said those words I decided to left my home and start a new and nice life together far away. That's the choice we made and everything changed. It was time for being the best version of myself. He deserves a much better environment.
- selm_for
Get It Done
"If you get it done and over with, then the rest of the day is yours."
My dad when I use to complain that I never had enough time to do chores or I would put them off until my parents got home and they weren't done. On one particular day my mom was furious. She lit our @sses up like a Christmas tree.
I went to my room mad as hell at my mom. Then my dad came in and told me that quote up above.
The next day I got up, did my chores early, and had the rest of the day to myself.
My brothers didn't take that approach and when mom got home she let them have it.
I felt like a king of his own kingdom. I rode that smart @ss smile all week; then that week quickly became years. School became the same way.
"Just get it done and over with and you won't have to mess with it." I hear it in my dads voice.
I Watch What I Say
A small, warm hand on my mine.
My youngest looking up at me with large, solemn eyes and saying, "I'm not ready for you to go."
This was in response to a stupid comment I made... I have really debilitating migraines now and again. I said it was so bad, I wished I would just die.
And that was his response to my immature outburst. I watch what I say and how I word it now. Kids are so impressionable and it hurts my heart that I caused him sadness.'
Fingers Crossed
"I didn't lie, I had my fingers crossed."
This was said to me by my now ex wife about her cheating on me. It taught me that people will tell you what they want you to hear, and nothing more.
Ew
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While most are putting phrases that changed their lives in a good way, here's a bad one:
"Ew, ew, disgusting" - said by a girl who hated me. At the time I had huge acne problem which I was really self-conscious about, and that single phrase wrecked my confidence for a long time.
And even though we are good now and I consider her a friend, I still have no confidence in my appearance.
Liking And Learning
"You don't have to like someone to learn something from them."
It's helped me to try to look a little deeper at some people. Don't get me wrong I still cut out toxic people and don't associate with anybody I don't want to, but it does help to give me a more positive outlook as well as to add to my life experience.
"I Don't Have Problems"
About 13 years ago my marriage was falling apart. When I asked my wife at the time if she wanted to go to marriage counseling she said:
"I don't have problems- you do. I don't need counseling - you do. It's not about you and me, you don't have to tell me you love me - I really don't f*cking care - you can f*ck off ... and bring the boys with you - I'm sure they'd f*cking love it."
So I took her advice, went to counseling and brought my 2 young boys everywhere with me. They did, in fact, love it.
Her sentences, without a doubt, changed my life as I chose not to try and work on the marriage any more and we divorced a couple of years later.
Listen
"Shut the f*ck up and listen"
In the early 1980's I was 21 and complaining about how this WW2 vet would always want to tell me stories about the war. Another man who was in the group said "
I've known [WW2 vet] for 30 years, he's never once mentioned his time in the war to me - consider yourself lucky. Shut the f*ck up and listen".
I thought, "he's right" and I started to listen from then on. It got to be a habit and I've learned a lot from just listening to people.
- CQSteve
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The old wives' tales.
They are the stories of legend.
I think we all need a big DEEP Google dive though.
Where did they originate?
WHO ARE THE OLD WIVES!
You don't hear about them as much anymore.
It's like science and logic are suddenly a thing.
But they sure are a good way to keep your kids and their behavior in line.
Redditor the_spring_goddess wanted to discuss the tall tales we've all been fed through life, so they asked:
"What is an old wives tale that people still believe?"
"Wait an hour to swim after eating."
What a crock!
So many summer hours wasted.
I want revenge for that one.
Say Nothing
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"An undercover cop has to tell you he's a cop if you ask him."
LonelyMail5115
"Pretty much most advice when it comes to cops are old wives tales. I’m not even a cop but most of the advice you hear is pretty off."
I_AM_AN_A**HOLE_AMA
Say Something
"That you have to wait 24 hours to report someone missing."
Severe_Airport1426
"I really think this one is important and should be the top regardless. As it’s a piece of advice that needs to be relearned and the only way to do that is through awareness."
crappycurtains
"This used to be true. I think they changed it after some guy named Brandon went missing back in the '80s or '70s. You used to have to wait 24 hours if the missing person was an adult because they had 'a right to be missing' and then everyone realized that was stupid and stopped doing it."
AlbinoShavedGorilla
Body Temps
"That drinking ice cold water after eating oily foods will solidify the oil and permanently remain in your body. I informed my coworker that if your body temperature ever reached that point, you’d have bigger problems than weight gain."
chriseo22
"Oh, I have a cousin who 100% believed this. One of those guys who believed every early 2000s internet rumor and old wives tale. One night I chugged a big glass of ice water after dinner and he started freaking out and saying my guts were gonna harden."
"I sarcastically told him to drive me to the hospital if that happened. Obviously, nothing happened and the next morning I said something like 'Thanks for being on standby in case my guts filled with hardened oil.' He just walked off muttering under his breath."
apocalypticradish
Arms Down
"When I was pregnant, I was told by young and old alike that I should NOT raise my arms above my head or exert myself in such a manner because it could cause cord strangulation to my unborn sons and daughters."
Fatmouse84
10 Years Actually
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"Chewing gum stays in your stomach for 7 years."
"I remember accidentally swallowing a piece of gum when I was a kid in like 1995 and just accepting my fate like welp, gonna have this in my stomach til high school I guess."
Gecko-911
I was so afraid to sallow my gum when I was young.
This tale is haunting.
High/Low
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"You can tell the sex of the baby by how you carry."
LeastFormal9366
"Pregnancy certainly wins awards for the most old wives tales. So much absolute BS was repeated to us by everyone we talked to."
IllIIIlIllIlIIlIllI
The Cursed
"If you’re a woman and you wear opal jewelry but opal is not your birthstone (October), you’ll never be able to have children, or will be widowed, or just generally have bad luck or something. You can counteract this by having a diamond in the same piece of jewelry as the opal, though."
"I have a nice opal ring that my parents gave me years ago, and I’ve had other women give me this 'advice' unprompted more than once when I’ve worn it. I have absolutely no idea where it started, but I’m pretty sure this little chunk of silicate rock has no concept of what month I was born in, let alone of how my reproductive organs work."
SmoreOfBabylon
Stay In
"Going outside with wet hair will make you get pneumonia. Or an earache. Or maybe arthritis. Depends on which old wife you listen to."
"Jokes on them - I haven't blow-dried my hair in decades and usually leave the house with wet hair in the morning. On winter mornings, the tips of my hair get frozen. No ear infections or pneumonia or arthritis yet."
worldbound0514
Dreams and Facts
"You never make anyone up in your dreams you've seen everyone in your dreams somewhere else before and never make anyone up entirely."
"How would you possibly prove that to be true? My partner adamantly believes this and tells me this 'fact' whenever I have a dream about someone I've never met before."
mattshonestreddit
"My late wife used to tell me that before she met me she would have dreams of standing at an alter on her wedding day but could never see the guy's face, no matter how hard she tried. After meeting me the face was filled in with mine. Don't know if it's true but one of those things I like thinking of every now and then when I miss her."
Darthdemented
Cracked
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"Some people still believe cracking knuckles causes arthritis."
Choice-Grapefruit-44
"There's a doctor (Donald Unger) that cracked his knuckles a couple of times a day for 60 years, but only on one hand, just to prove it. Both hands remained exactly the same."
MacyTmcterry
I love my knuckles.
Do you have any tall tales to add to the list? Let us know in the comments below.
Every now and then, a friend of ours might say something, or we might overhear a complete stranger say something that makes us stop in our tracks.
More often than not, what we can't believe we just heard is something so ridiculous, we can't help but put the person who said it in their place.
Other times, however, what we just heard might have stunned us silent because of how shockingly clever it was.
Resulting in our not wanting to scold or yell at someone, but rather give them a handshake.
Redditor SubmergingOriginal was curious to hear the sharpest and wittiest things they've ever heard, from friends and strangers alike, leading them to ask:
"Enough with the dumbest; what is the wittiest thing you've ever heard someone say?"
Don't Give Me So Much Credit...
'I was on a team at work that was on a project working insane overtime."
"One night after an 80-90 hour week, we were all sitting around the table trying to finish up so we could go home."
"Around 11, my buddy's wife called, dubious about the hours he'd been keeping."
"We heard her through the line - 'are you cheating on me?'"
"Exasperated, he looked at our boss, then replied 'honey, if I was cheating on you, I would have been home by now'."- lionbatcher
Eternal Optimism...
"Asked a blind guy if he'd been blind his whole life."
"He said 'Not yet'."- Feeling_Mode_6465
Free time Isn't The Only Thing He Has On His Hands...
"My brother got a vasectomy and when the doctor was releasing him and giving him instructions (with the nurse listening in), one of the orders was to 'come back and have a follow-up appointment after you’ve ejaculated 30 times'.”
"Without missing a beat my brother asked 'what time do you open tomorrow?'”
"The nurse couldn’t keep it together after hearing that."- UtahUtopia
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Double Whammy!
"My pal uses the phrase 'he doesn’t look strong enough to carry information' and it cracks me up every time."
"Calling someone stupid and weak in one fell swoop."- JennyW93
Can't Hide Your DNA...
'Whenever I jokingly insult my mum, she says 'that must be where you get it from'."
"She cracked the code."
"I can never offend her without offending myself."- JennyW93
Self-Sufficient!
"My brother was a line cook at a New Orleans restaurant."
"My mom was in town, staying at a fancy hotel, and he stopped by after work, still wearing his kitchen whites."
"He was reading a newspaper in the lobby waiting for her to come down when the shocked lobby manager sputtered at him, 'MAY I HELP YOU!?!?'
"He answered, 'thanks, but I know how to read',” and went back to his paper."- jobrody
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A Miracle!
"My brother-in-law’s comment."
"The entire family went out for my mother’s 80th birthday and after the meal we all went to a local park, largely occupied by the elderly, to rest."
"My mother needed crutches at this point, and they were resting against her bench."
"My 10-year-old niece, who looked like every starving waif image from Dickens, grabbed the crutches and started hobbling round the park."
"All the OAPs were following her progress with looks of pity until my brother ran up behind her, and kicked away the crutches."
"There was an audible gasp from round the park and then my niece picked the crutches back up and started chasing my brother, clearly intending to hit him."
"In the confused silence my brother-in-law’s voice rang out 'Praise be! She can walk again!'"
"We still think this was the highlight of the birthday celebrations."- DdraigGwyn
Still Legal, Whichever Way You Cut It...
"I picked up my pleasantly tipsy boyfriend from a nightclub."
"We were stopped by the Police for a random breath test."
"They asked me my age, and I said, 33."
"My bf blurted out '33? You told me you were 22'."
"Police just laughed and let me go."- Aggravating-Corgi379
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A Bit Too On The Nose?
"Business law class in college years ago, talking about the issues that black Americans had before the Civil Rights."
"Amendment, trying to travel through the south with the discrimination so rampant, trying to find restaurants to serve them and decent lodgings."
"My instructor was posing a hypothetical: 'So you pull up out front of this place, you're exhausted from driving for hours, and you see the sign out front says 'Ku Klux Klan Motel'."
"'What would you expect to find there?'"
"Without missing a beat, from the back of the room came this gem: "'Extra sheets in every room?'"- NedsAtomicDB
Not Yet, Anyway...
"I was working with my friend and his dad."
"My friend (26) heard an ice cream truck near where we were working."
"He asked his dad if he could have a couple dollars."
"His dad asked, 'what for?'"
"My friend told his dad that there was an ice cream truck in the neighborhood, and that they were playing music."
"My friends dad told him "'They don't charge anything to listen to the music'."- tatersalad1234567890
Words Escape You In The Literal "Heat" Of The Moment...
"A friend of mine is a teacher and her husband is known for his wit."
"She told this story to him:"
"One day at school a kid took the hall pass and returned reeking like smoke."
"She asked the kid if he’d been smoking and he denied it over and over."
"She was about to send him to the office when she noticed smoke coming from somewhere."
"She told the kid and he realized that he didn’t put his cig out completely and it was burning in his pants pocket."
"The kid noticed and frantically tried to put it out and someone finally poured water on it."
"Her husband sat listening to this with a weird look on his face."
"She asked him what was wrong."
“'What’s wrong???'"
"'This was probably the only chance you’ll have in your life to say literally, ‘liar,liar, pants on fire’ and you missed your chance'."- Luder714
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Amazing What You Might Say A Few Drinks In...
"When I went to a renaissance faire once, I went to a beer tent and ordered a Newcastle Brown Ale (seemed the most fitting for the surroundings)."
"The beer wench, without skipping a beat, said, 'Everyone wants a Newcastle - no one wants to remodel!'"- jayhof52
Read The Room People!
"My dad wiped out when skiing down a mountain and lost a ski."
"After a few minutes of hunting for it, he gives up, slings the one remaining ski over a shoulder and starts walking down the mountain in his ski boots."
"About half-way down, another skier stops and goes 'Gee! Did you lose a ski?'"
"My dad instantly replied 'No, I was out for a walk and found one!'"- PeterJoAl
There's a reason your mother always told you to "use your words".
As clever remarks can have a much more lasting effect on people than a push or shove.