In a perfect world, those who are closest to us wouldn't hurt us so deeply. The opposite seems to be true, however. Other times, other people say things seemingly out of the blue that can have devastating effects on another individual's health and well being.
Today's burning question came from Redditor Sarah_Rosa, who asked the online community: "What i the most painful thing someone has ever told you?"
Warning, some sensitive material ahead.
38.
I remember seeing my uncle in the waiting room of emergency. I was taking a bus to see my mom after surgery, and he wanted to intercept me before I got up to her room. My uncle had clearly been crying. He sat me down and told me that my mom had terminal cancer.
37.
For the last few months my girlfriend of 2 years has been in between jobs and I've been helping her find something new. In the mean time I've been paying all her bills. Last week she broke up with me because she couldn't handle the guilt of her cheating on me for the last 2 months.
36.
I have ulcerative colitis. A few years ago it nearly killed me. I went from 210 lbs to 110 lbs at 6' tall. I had 1/3 the red blood cells of a normal male. I was always tired, always winded. Bleeding profusely from my intestines. The doctors were amazed I was still conscious let alone walking. I had to literally run to the toilet every 15-20 minutes. There was no holding it, no matter how hard I tried. I couldn't live my life and go do the things I loved in fear of sh!tting myself.
My dad constantly berated me for being lazy for missing work, which was still a rare occurrence. Driving to work was a gamble of hoping I didn't get stuck in traffic. It happened a few times. I'd call my boss tell him I had to go home and I'd be in a few hours late. Go home and shower wash my clothes out and get dressed and go back.
One time it happened my dad was sitting on the computer right inside the front door. He asked me why I was home and I told him. He said, "How the hell could you do something like that? That's disgusting." With a look of just pure resentment and disgust on his face.
35.
"I don't love you anymore, I love him, maybe not as much as I have loved you but I will, in time I will love him even more"
Most painful thing she ever said. it still hurts me to this day and this happened almost 2 years ago.
34.
My mother wrote me a letter, detailing how I was a waste of flesh, I was a disappointment to everybody, She should have had me aborted...yada yada yada.
Anyway carried it around in my wallet to remind me to prove her wrong and what a horrible person she was.
I told her about where I kept it, said if she ever used me as an excuse for her rampant alcoholism again I'd show the rest of my family.
Few years later it went missing at a family gathering, along with my wallet.
33.
"The growth is not benign."
The "not" made it even more of an emotional rollercoaster, as your expectation (what you want to hear) is that your fear has not come through, so I expected the "not" to be followed by a different word.
32.
"I just needed someone"
Said by my then-girlfriend the day before she broke up with me via text. I was so madly in love then, and thought it was mutual. She had a new boyfriend 3 weeks afterwards.
It was years ago but I still haven't felt right about myself since then. I always feel like I'm just a "someone" in every relationship. Maybe I'm a little extra dramatic because I recently got dumped in the same fashion, by a girl I was madly on love with who told me she could talk to me about things no one else seemed to understand. New boyfriend in less than a month. And yet again, I'm just a "someone".
I can't shake it off. It's getting old.
31.
"He left because he didn't care about you."
What my aunt told me when my dad abandoned me while I was going through chemotherapy at age 10. That's not something I needed to hear.
30.
"I am sorry, there is no heartbeat" at 9 months pregnant, 7 days before my due date...
Nothing else comes close for me.
29.
Giphy
Nothing. After telling my best friend how much she meant to me silence was the response that I never would have thought would be the most painful.
28.
"I'm so sorry, I truly feel as though I've failed you as a mother", my beautiful mum said in tears when she found out how incredibly suicidal I was and had a nervous breakdown in front of her. She certainly hasn't failed me, we have our ups and downs but she is the best mum I could ask for. I felt like I failed her as a daughter when she said that.
27.
My mother: "I wish you'd never been born."
I reacted with "I don't want you to be my mother then." I ended up not talking or seeing her for over five years.
26.
To be honest, the most painful thing didn't need to be said. We all knew.
It was Mother's Day. I was 35 weeks pregnant, and getting prepared to go to my maternity shoot. I had a feeling that something wasn't quite right, and had my husband take me to the hospital to reassure me that everything was okay. I knew the second she put the Doppler on me, that my worst fears were about to be realized.
Tears started to flow from me, and the (now panicked) nurse was trying to reassure me that sometimes a heartbeat can be hard to detect depending on baby's position, and that they were going to get me into an ultrasound immediately. She was holding back tears. I knew. I just knew.
They wheeled me into a dark room with a large screen. I saw the ultrasound of my son's lifeless body. Every nurse in the room started to weep. "I'm so sorry" was the only thing I can distinctly remember hearing. Everything is a blur. It was a f*cking nightmare.
25.
The dead, awful silence was worse than anything else.
"Dad, you made me. What is my favorite color? My favorite food? What is my girlfriend's last name? Why don't you know anything about me?"
"I made mistakes, son."
"I'm not dead or missing, dad. I'm right here, in front of you. My whole life I wanted to be here just once because you wanted me here. All you had to do was make the slightest effort. Why am I the black sheep? What did I do so wrong as a son that you never wanted me?"
"..."
24.
"I can't let you talk to her."
The words I heard while I was in tears calling my mom asking to talk to my Grandmother, who I had found out had passed the day prior... through condolence wishes on Facebook.
23.
Growing up I was very shy and socially anxious. When we would go out places my dad would constantly say to me, why are you so rude, why don't you just talk to people?
For years my dad would just constantly say, what is wrong with you, why can't you just be normal and talk? What is your problem?
Which just led to me being even more self conscious, withdrawing even more, which led to my dad getting even angrier and the cycle worse.
Ended up developing terrible self esteem and depression as a teenager and am now 26 years old and having terrible relationship skills because I have such hard time opening up and trusting people.
22.
"You haven't been a very good son" For context my parents are going through a stupidly complicated and messy divorce.
Me and my dad were arguing over the phone and I was calling him these terrible names and said he couldn't believe I would say those things to him.
So I said "the reason I'm able to say those things is because you're not a good dad."
I explained to him that I never felt a strong connection or relationship with him; we never bonded or talked or had moments, he would just sit at the tv, watch football and eat potato chips. That's when he said I haven't been a good son.
21.
"I didn't want to hurt his feelings"
I was emotionally abused and manipulated by my best friend, and cousin, for years. She constantly used me as a means of taking out her anger and sadness from her personal life. Constantly came to my house to escape from her parents, used all of our electronic devices to talk to men she met online until five in the morning, yelled and screamed for me to always be with her to make her feel safe.
I always tried my best to comfort her and make her feel ok. I was always trying to be understanding and give her what she wanted. One day a boy got involved, he and I became a "couple". He used me to try to win the heart of my cousin, because he wanted to show her how great of a guy he was when dating me (ie. Buying my gifts, going out to dinner) In the end he cheated on me multiple times and lied to my face about talking to my cousin behind my back. When I found out that she had known he was lying to me and confronted her about why she didn't tell me, she said:
"I didn't want to hurt his feelings"
This was the biggest eye opener I experienced in my life. She did not care for me in the same way I had been there for her and put the feelings of some man between us. The relationship between her and I has been strained to this day, and there isn't a time where I can be in the same room as her without having to feel like I will always mean so little to her and bitter because I never received an apology. She's simply given excuses stating that she was young and didn't know any better. The words still hurt me to this day and she has no idea as to why it does.
20.
My childhood best friend and me grew up in a small town and ended up getting a our first flat together and he was very out going and loved his dirt bike.
As time went on he stopped socializing and would and spend a lot of time sitting in his parents garage avoiding the world. One morning he said I will see you in a few days going down south for work which he was a few days pass and his dad knocks on the door in a panic and asked if I have heard from will change his name to Sam and I could tell something serious has happened because he's missing.
I jump in my car to make the 4 hour drive down to were he was last seen with work a hour into the drive I had a feeling and knew he was dead hard to explain pulled over to side of road and decided to head home when I arrived his mum arrived she said he was found with a self inflicted gunshot wound to his head.
But the bit I got told by his uncle a year later that I constantly think about every day for the last 20 years is he was found about 200 meters from the gun he shot himself with that he didn't die straight away but started trying to go and get help can't imagine what he was going through breaks my heart.
19.
I was being a typical kid at 11 or 12 years old. My mom was very physically and verbally abusive. I thought she was going to hit me for something (I don't remember what I did) but she just lit a cigarette, stood at the kitchen sink looking out the window and said, "Maybe you'll end up in jail and someone's b!tch." I didn't understand what it meant back then, but it was something that always stuck with me.
When I came out she told me, "I think it's disgusting," and hung up on me. We didn't speak for almost a year. I called her out of the blue one day and she acted like nothing had happened. Over the next few years I did some self help stuff and tried to tell her how she had affected me, but she just copped out with, "I did the best I could." It was then I realized we probably never come to terms with each other.
cpf79​
18.
"i don't need you treating me like my dad." - an ex friend comparing me to her abusive father after i sat her down to talk to her about her unhealthy coping mechanisms because i was concerned about her. our relationship never was the same after that.
17.
I suffer with bipolar, thought I'd met someone who understood (they said they did). After destroying myself to give her everything, putting on fronts every day she wanted to go out with her friends etc and dragging me along to which I kept putting on a amiable facade which she never appreciated.
one day I was too low to do anything, I'd spent 2 days in bed just staring at a wall, not eating, seeing, showering, she asked me to go out with her friends again, when I asked if she really thought that was a good idea she hurled a load of abuse at me, threw some stuff at me but the worst thing was when she told me I was f---ed up in the head, incapable of love and that nobody could ever really love me.
Fast forward 3 years I left her and met a truly amazing woman who not only appreciates that things can be bad sometimes she truly loves me regardless. My mood swings even seem to be far less frequent. Although at the time what the other ogre said to me cut Dee over time it become a nothing comment, my new partner helped me realise that. I hope everybody else who comments on here feels better now than they did at the time, chin up guys!
16.
I came home from school and mum told me I needed to go see my nana (my best friend) she was in the hospital dying. We sped 2hrs in the car to the hospital ... I jumped out of the car and sprinted and sprinted down all the long hallways of a hospital I'd never seen ... I made it to the door looked in and saw lots of people looking at her, I see her eyes roll back and someone says "You've just missed her."
I leave to the hospital carpark, someone is playing their radio very loudly song by the Black Eye Peas "Tonight's gunna be a good night."
15.
My brother was caught shoplifting when we were kids. When they asked his reason, it was because he said he wanted to play with me. It still hurts to this day because I usually keep to myself. It's hard being open for me.
As an adult, a lady I asked out reported me and when they questioned her, they said she was sorry for leading me on. Cut deep.
14.
"You're the middle child, you have it the easiest. No one cares about you anyway"
My mom told me when I was 13.
13.
"If you disappear like that again I will not look for you. Do you understand? I will let you go"
My ex wife after she found me after I tried to kill myself.
12.
Growing up I was very shy and socially anxious. When we would go out places my dad would constantly say to me, why are you so rude, why don't you just talk to people?
For years my dad would just constantly say, what is wrong with you, why can't you just be normal and talk? What is your problem? Which just led to me being even more self conscious, withdrawing even more, which led to my dad getting even angrier and the cycle worse.
Ended up developing terrible self esteem and depression as a teenager and am now 26 years old and having terrible relationship skills because I have such hard time opening up and trusting people.
11.
Probably not as bad as losing someone but for me it was devastating. Long story short when I was in the army the pain in my leg wasn't a pulled muscle. It was a blood clot. I went to the base hospital and they told me that I had to give myself injections in my stomach (no big deal, I was a medic) to make it smaller. I had to also avoid physical activity that could cause it to get loose which could cause it to go to my brain or lungs which could be fatal. I was literally about a 3 weeks out from deploying to Iraq.
The doctor tells me that I won't be able to deploy with the unit. I was crushed because I had worked really hard preparing for this deployment and was promoted to a position I had been aiming for for quite a while. I was going to be a line medic with an infantry unit. I had spent the entire year training with my platoon and worked my way into a position of trust and confidence. Not one single leader in the platoon I was assigned to would call me "Doc".
They addressed me by my name and rank. But eventually they say what kind of medic I was and even the hardened combat vets started to call me Doc. Not only was I proud but the entire medic platoon was as well. I felt like my guys knew they could count on me and now I wasn't able to go and they had to work with a replacement that they didn't know.
Anyway I was told that I would most likely be able to rejoin my unit in a few months. That's fine because I could avoid all the bullshit that happens the first month or two on deployment while you set up your shop and get your gear sorted out. But that didn't happen.
During some blood tests the doctors discovered that I had a rare medical condition that made my blood much more likely to clot like this and were quite surprised I never had one before. They put me on blood thinners and I was told I would no longer be able to serve in the army if I was on blood thinners.
That's like one of the few medications you can't be on in the Army. 12 years in with 8 or less (my retirement points were getting high because of the war) to go for full retirement down the drain. Not only was my career over and I had to restart my life at 36 but pretty much all I left with was the money I had in the bank. Not even a hearty handshake since everyone I knew was in Iraq.
And I never heard from any of them again. I've never heard from anyone I was in the Army with ever again. And now for the rest of my life I need to go to the hospital and have a vial of blood drawn and tested every month. Sometimes more if I forget I have a test and drink a couple of beers a day or two before it.
10.
"You haven't been a very good son" For context my parents are going through a stupidly complicated and messy divorce.
Me and my dad were arguing over the phone and I was calling him these terrible names and said he couldn't believe I would say those things to him so I said "the reason I'm able to say those things is because you're not a good dad."
I explained to him that I never felt a strong connection or relationship with him; we never bonded or talked or had moments, he would just sit at the tv, watch football and eat potato chips. That's when he said I haven't been a good son.
9.
This happened very recently, so it still hurts a lot, but maybe for the purpose of this thread is better like this: My crush told me that not only she didn't like me, but that she only was my friend because she pitied me.
I was making good progress in trying to attenuate my depression, but because of this not only I'm back to square one, but I also lost my hope in ever making progress again. Honestly I still regret not killing myself that night.
8.
That one of my exes, one I was in a serious relationship with a few years prior, had been brutally murdered.
My dad called and told me. He saw it on the news. He confirmed her name and address with one of the local TV stations to make sure it was her, and it was.
7.
When my ex cheated on me, it was painful. It was a LOT more painful when I asked her for how long this had been happening.
Turns out they were at it for a couple of months already. The fact that it wasn't just a one time mistake but also emotional cheating, hurt like hell!
6.
I was working the tills on a busy Friday night in the local fish and chip shop. My boss grabbed my arm and took me out the back. He was grey and told me something bad had happened. He had tears in his eyes and I thought something happened to my dad who was sick at the time. He brought me outside to my auntie. She drove me home and told me my 14 year old cousin had hung himself that night. I didn't believe it so walked back to work and tried finishing my shift.
I still remember how you looked at me the day before, at the bus stop, when you said goodbye. I wonder if you knew it really was goodbye. It's been just over 2 years and I still cry for you, Patrick. My heart will always miss you wee man
5.
I've always struggled with my weight and have a lot of self confidence/mental issues due to it. When I met my current boyfriend in person after a year of online talk, he relayed to me that I was "fatter than he expected". He didn't have any malice behind it since he's supportive of me and great but those words still come back to me every now and then.
It's funny because I used to have a presence online before I met him and the number one thing people would target me for was my weight. I got used to it but his comment still felt like a hot blade.
4.
had a friend who had a rocky relationship with her dad. She was once telling me about a friend she knew who was abused by her father and a sudden look of revelation came over her face.
I asked her what she was thinking about. She responded, "I just realized how lucky I am. My dad could have hit me a lot harder than he did."
She sounded grateful when she said it, and I tried to pretend it hadn't broken my heart.
3.
When I was a kid my parents got me a kitten. Life circumstances changed shortly after, we became very, very poor. My dad slipped into a depression he never really came out of and turned quite abusive.
The cat really hated him after that. Started sh!tting in his shoes and attacking him. I went to school one day and came home and the cat was gone and my parents told me he ran away. I spent years looking for him when I went outside to play, and cried when the weather was bad because I imagined him out in it somewhere.
My mum casually told me over the phone late last year that she thinks my father killed it. She said he took the kitten into the woods and came back alone and then nobody saw the cat again.
I feel sick whenever I think about it. That cat deserved better.
2.
My best friend (of 10 years) was diagnosed with epilepsy almost 3 years ago, she knew she had it but didn't feel like treating it, about a year ago (after an argument we didn't talk for a year) I finally spoke to her again and her first words to me were "I'm sorry, what's your name again?" I had to step away and sob.
The seizures had done so much damage to her brain, she had no memories we shared together, she didn't remember my name or anything. It truly broke me to bits. I'm now left with the memories and the ptsd from all of her seizures (anytime someone even twitches, I have a full panic attack) and she got to leave those memories and me behind and become a new person.
1.
"Grow up and get help. We're done, now move on. If this continues, I'll go to HR."
I remember every word like it was yesterday. She was one of my best friends until that point. She wanted to date and I didn't. I tried to set boundaries. She wanted to come over to my house alone. She wanted to take a vacation together. She wanted to have sex. No. No. No.
Despite everything, we were friends. And she had the audacity to talk like I'm the ahole.
Still hurt though.
One of my favorite books is "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe." It was a key element in unlocking what I could see with my imagination. No adolescent should go beyond sixth grade without knowing it. What else?
"ANNOUNCEMENT FOR A LOT OF PEOPLE READING THIS THREAD:"
"MANY OF THE BOOKS MENTIONED HERE ARE IN THE PUBLIC DOMAIN AND IN AUDIO BOOK FORM. GO THROUGH YOUTUBE/RANDOMHOUSE/AUDIBLE/OVERDRIVE FOR ALL THE CLASSICAL GOODNESS YOU WANT."
"It almost totally eliminates the financial/time commitment that many will cite for not picking them up. I listen to books on double speed all the damn time. I am working my way through "A Tale of Two Cities" now."
Meaning
wondering simon cowell GIF by X Factor GlobalGiphy"Man's search for meaning - Viktor Frankl."
Oh Milo
"The Phantom Tollbooth."
"Maybe one of my favorite literary moments…"
"Milo: "Many of the things I'm supposed to know seem so useless that I can't see the purpose of learning them at all."
"Princess of Sweet Rhyme: "...what you learn today, for no reason at all, will help you discover the wonderful secrets of tomorrow."
- wort_hog
Johnny
"Johnny's Got His Gun. It's so intense, but it's so good. Metallica's song One is based off this book. Guy has his arms and legs blown off, goes blind and deaf, and is left to live like that. I only read it once, but it's forever engrained into my memory. It hits you like a freight train."
Brothers...
"Surprised I haven't seen it here already so I'll add it... The Brother's Karamazov by Dostoyevsky. In Slaughterhouse 5 Vonnegut said it could teach everything that we needed to know about life, except that wasn't enough anymore."
"If the only thing that book did was make you marvel at how people centuries and oceans removed from you in time and place, could experience the exact same emotions about life as you did, it would be worth the read. There's so much more to it, but Dostoyevsky had such a knack for digging deep into universal human experience. And it's just a hell of a good story too."
Classics
diva read GIFGiphy"Speaking as somebody who isn't religious, the literary value of the Bible (and the Hebrew Bible) is severely underrated."
I took a class on it in college, with a prof who'd once allegedly gotten into a bar fight over Beowulf. We would sometimes spend half a class discussing a single verse or two because there's so much stuff going on under the hood."
- dmillson
I know so many of those. And sadly, I'm already behind in my studies. I love books and I'm always on the path to find more to consume. Let me ready my already lengthy list.
WAR
War Shockwave GIFGiphy"All Quiet on the Western Front. Everyone should have to reckon with the reality of what war actually means."
- BigHern
Thanks Teach...
"Night, by Elie Wiezel. It is absolutely heartwrecking , and I hated every moment of reading it, which is exactly the effect it is supposed to have."
"Came here looking for this one. I had to read it back in high school and it blew me away how moved I was by it. Stories like his need to be remembered for all time, no matter how hard it is to get through (emotionally-speaking; it's actually quite an easy and short read). I'm so grateful that my English teacher assigned it."
West
"The Westing Game."
"A Librarian here, such a terrific book. I have gotten so many kids to read it by hooking them with the fact that the reader can play the game and has all of the clues. And good luck as it is fiendishly clever."
All the Good Crazy
"The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas. Such a great book."
"Oh my god yes. I love this book for being the sex, drugs and rock and roll of the classics world. It is lengthy but has revenge, treasure, plots and schemes and drugs. There is nothing stuffy about this classic."
- skundrik
The "Good"
"The Giver- that book made my 9-10 year old mind really think about what was important in society. It was the first time the idea of "good" things having a negative consequence was presented to me. I think what makes it work is that we are learning how this whole society really works along side a character who has lived in it his whole life."
"As the facade of the utopian society begins to fall away to show devastating consequences of the "perfect life and society" the reader not only feels their shock but the main character's shock. This was a book I read in school 4 times- once in 5th grade and once in 10th for English and then in both high school and college sociology classes. This book written for 9-13 year olds made for great discussions."
Good and Bad of Life
read ford GIFGiphy"The Grapes of Wrath and/or Of Mice and Men. Both are heartbreaking, but not for the sake of being heartbreaking - instead they provide a glimpse of how freaking hard life can be, but also how beautiful it can be."
That is a lot of good advice. And a lot of great storytelling and advice giving. Did anyone miss anything that should be there? And make sure you read anything by Harlan Coben, he's a fav.
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